Already Home
by Chase'sGirl19
Summary: Harry takes the death of his Godfather very hard to the point where Petunia has no choice but to contact Dumbledore for help. Dumbledore sends Snape to check on Harry and finds that the boy is not only depressed but suicidal and abused. Meanwhile Remus Lupin goes missing from his mission for the Order. SeverusXRemus and HarryXGinny shippings Mentions of cutting, suicide, and abuse
1. Chapter 1 For Lily

**Chapter One - For Lily**

**"When life takes its own course, sometimes we just don't get to choose."**

**– (Already Home) A Great Big World**

**A/N: This chapter has been slightly rewritten and edited. Please let me know if there are any typos. I am currently reediting chapter two.**

Every night, Harry's dreams were always the same. His dreams were always of Sirius falling through the veil over and over again. He could see the look on Sirius' face, the light in his blue eyes fading away as he fell. Harry always tried to run to Sirius, to save him, but he was always held back as if someone were holding him from behind. The dreams always ended with him yelling out for his godfather, crying out that he was sorry he died. It was Harry's fault that his godfather was gone, the only person that truly cared for him, who understood him. Sirius was lost to Harry because of his foolishness and for that reason, he paid for it dearly.

Harry awoke from his nightmares, pulling himself out of the darkness of sleep. He immediately recognized the four white walls that surrounded him. He was currently in his small bedroom at number four Privet Drive. Harry hated this place. He felt so suffocated in this room with nothing to keep his mind off of Sirius, so the guilt grew and grew, until he could not take the pain anymore. He felt like he was losing himself in his grief. It had come to the point where he just didn't care anymore. He couldn't eat, he couldn't sleep, he didn't even care about going back to school. He just wanted to lay here in his self pity and grief and wait till the day when he can be with Sirius again.

"Harry!" Aunt Petunia screeched, followed by her bony knuckles tapping at his bedroom door.

Harry groaned, covering his face with his thin blanket. _It's too early for this,_ he thought as he got up and looked around for some clean clothes.

"Are you awake, boy?!" Aunt Petunia screeched again. She banged the door with her broomstick. The noise was so loud and annoying, Harry couldn't go back to sleep even if he tried. With a spark of annoyance, he ran his hand through his messy hair and put on his glasses.

"Potter!"

"I'm awake!" he shouted.

Aunt Petunia opened the door and wrinkled her nose at the mess called Harry's room. "Come down and start breakfast before your uncle wakes up, unless you want a morning punishment from him," she ordered. She was about to turn around and close the door when she added, "and clean this room after your chores today!" She gave her nephew a disapproving glare as she shut the door and left.

It was another summer day of cooking and cleaning, however, Harry did not mind as much because chores meant that he was busy, and being busy kept his grief away for a few precious moments. Harry was starting breakfast when his aunt came in and started cleaning the counter tops and the table. It was her pre-breakfast scrub down while Harry cooked. It was a routine that happened every morning since the summer started. A routine they followed in silence as Aunt Petunia ignored Harry, only speaking to him if she caught him cooking something the wrong way.

* * *

What Harry didn't know, was that during these morning routines, Petunia was observing Harry. She noticed how depressed the boy looked when he came home from his school. He was so withdrawn and quiet. Harry made no attempt to cleverly insult Dudley back when he made fun of him or laugh when Dudley said something that Harry might had thought was dumb... not that her son was dumb..., Petunia thought guiltily as she wiped the counter top.

Petunia also realized that Harry did not even try to dodge Vernon's blows like he normally would during a punishment. Now, he just took the punches with a quiet demeanor, face void of any expression or feeling, as if he were just waiting for Vernon to finish. The boy did not even eat anymore, he was losing weight. He only played with the little food he was given until it was time for him to clear the table. She knew something must had happen at that school, something serious and important to affect her nephew this way. Despite her dislike she showed to him, deep inside, Petunia did care for Harry. For how could she not? He was her sister's son. She raised the boy with only neglect and abuse, truly hating him for being just like his mother, but now as the years passed, her hate was starting to fade. Petunia was starting to feel some sympathy and somewhat protective towards her nephew because he was all she had left of her sister, but it wasn't enough for her to admit she might actually love him as her own son. These new feelings towards Harry upset and confused Petunia so much that she was ashamed, so she only pretended to hate Harry in front of Vernon and Dudley, because she still wanted more for her own son. She did not want Dudley to go through the same thing Petunia went through as a child, when her sister went off to that school.

Despite her mixed feelings, Petunia was indeed worried for Harry. She knew her nephew was a strong kid and that he was always fighting against the world. No matter what, Harry always managed to stay above water throughout the hard life he has had... but now…, Petunia sighed as she wiped the table. It seemed as if Harry had lost his fight and now he was drowning...

Harry began to set the table and serve the food when Vernon came in with the morning paper. Petunia served her husband a cup of coffee before she sat down. Her Dudleykins came into the kitchen, managing to shove his cousin hard in the ribs before sitting down to his plate of food and began eating. Petunia was so proud of her son for eating and keeping up his strength. To her displeasure, however, she noticed how Harry was only nibbling on a piece of toast, his face tinged with green, as he waited for Vernon to give him his list of chores.

"What are you doing today, Dudders?" Vernon asked as he unfolded his newspaper.

Dudley shrugged, "I might go to Piers' house, I dunno," he mumbled with his mouth full of food.

"That's it, Dudley! Spend as much time as you can with your friends, being popular is very important at your age! It is how you make connections. And connections is what will help you in your future. Connections and popularity and money, the three keys to your success, son, I hope your listening. It is very important!" he said, then glared at Harry, who gave up trying to eat his piece of toast. Vernon seemed annoyed that the boy wasn't paying attention like Dudley or looking at all angry at his glare.

Petunia, noticing her husband's glare, snapped, "start washing the dishes!" only to save the boy from a punishment. Harry nodded and stood up, collecting dirty dishes and began washing. After mindless small talk and gossip on Petunia's part, breakfast was over. Dudley left to watch T.V and Vernon began writing down a long list of chores for Harry before leaving to work.

* * *

The day dragged on for Harry as he painted the garden fence, weeded the garden, mowed the lawn, cleaned out the shed, washed the windows, pruned the roses, vacuumed every carpet inside the house, scrubbed down the entire bathroom and helped his aunt with preparing dinner. He was so tired, that after he cleaned his room, he threw himself on his bed and instantly fell asleep.

It wasn't long until Harry's nightmares began.

He can see the shapes of two people in the shadows. Their wands pointed at each other, the red and green light coming from the wands blinded him. They were dueling. Harry recognized that laugh. That high pitched, crazy laugh, it belonged to Bellatrix Lestrange.

_No, they cannot duel!_ Harry thought. _Sirius is going to die!_

He ran down the steps towards his godfather.

"Sirius!" he shouted. "Sirius!"

But an invisible force held Harry back and before he knew it, Sirius was falling with that blank, empty, look in his eyes. Bellatrix's laughter rang throughout the room, filling Harry's ears, until that was all he heard. It drove him crazy as he fought viciously to go after his godfather.

"Sirius!" Harry shouted, waking up with a start. His whole body was shaking as he looked around his room. He couldn't figure out why it hurt so much to breathe. Harry couldn't remember why he was back at Privet Drive. He was supposed to be with Sirius at Grimmauld Place!

The light came on in Harry's room, startling him even more. He didn't even notice that his Aunt Petunia had come into the room until she sat next to him on the bed. She put her hand on his forehead, checking to see if he was ill, but he was just pale and clammy, and his skin was breaking out in a cold sweat.

"Dudley," she muttered. "Go downstairs and bring me a paper bag. Do not wake up your father," she whispered gently. Harry didn't see Dudley. He only heard his footsteps, the door opening and closing, as his cousin followed Aunt Petunia's orders without complaint for the first time ever.

"Just breathe slowly, Harry," she whispered. "In out, in out."

Harry tried to follow her directions and control his breathing, but he couldn't. He felt like his heart was going to explode. And all he could see, was Sirius' blue eyes before he fell inside the veil.

It wasn't long before Dudley came back with the paper bag.

"Thank you, popkin, now go back to bed," Aunt Petunia said, as she sat Harry up.

Dudley looked as if he wanted to complain, but she gave him a stern look. Dudley frowned and left the room. She put the paper bag to Harry's face and instructed him to breathe inside it. After a while, he was able to breathe again.

"Can you tell me what brought this on, Harry?" she asked.

Harry gave her a look of surprise. He didn't know why his aunt was acting so nice. Why she was acting like she cared for him all of sudden. She even addressed him by his name and not the words, "him" and "boy". He suddenly grew very suspicious. He didn't trust her. He wasn't going to go and spill out all his grief to the woman who made his childhood a living hell!

"I'm fine," Harry said giving her back the paper bag. "Thank you for this, I'm okay now. You can go back to bed."

Aunt Petunia frowned and Harry knew he wasn't going to get away that easily.

"Listen, I know I haven't been the best aunt to you. I know I made you sacrifice a lot as a child, but I wouldn't be lying if I said, I'm worried about you."

Harry gaped at her. What happen to his aunt? Pigs must be flying outside his bedroom window, if Aunt Petunia just admitted that she was worried for him. Worried for the nephew she despised because of the jealousy she held against her sister, Harry's mother.

"You don't have to worry. I'm fine. I just had a nightmare. Everyone gets them."

"Not every night for three weeks," Aunt Petunia stated.

Utterly surprised and caught off guard at Aunt Petunia's words, Harry only looked at her. He knew he was always talking in his sleep or shouting out from his nightmares, but he always assumed that no one heard. Due to the fact that no one ever came in to yell at him for making too much noise in the middle of the night.

"I'm sorry… I didn't mean to wake you," he muttered as he laid back down, showing his aunt that he was ready to go back to bed.

"Can you tell me what your nightmares are about? Perhaps It could help. I've heard talking about nightmares can sometimes prevent them from reoccurring."

That was the last thing he wanted to do!

"It's a long story, Aunt Petunia, and it's … it's complicated. You really don't understand. You don't understand the wizarding world. You don't understand the war we are in and the lives that are lost all because of me! This whole thing is because of me. And the bloody prophecy… and the whole world is on my shoulders and it's… it is too much." He hadn't realized that he was sitting up again and tears started to flow down his cheeks. Harry wiped them away in frustration, not wanting Aunt Petunia to see him cry. He never let his aunt or uncle see him cry. Not since he was four but for some reason he couldn't stop. He couldn't stop! As he wiped more of the treacherous tears away, Harry realized he was supposed to be having this conversation with Sirius and not his aunt. Sirius was the only one who would've understood and he wasn't here!

* * *

Petunia couldn't help but lay a hand on shoulder. She wanted to comfort him, but didn't know how. She felt awkward and was unsure of what to say to him. She wished her sister were here to help this child. Harry needed a mother, or someone who loved the boy as a son. That was something Petunia never felt with him and so she couldn't be the one to offer such comfort to him. She had never seen him break down like this. He was so vulnerable. It worried her, for Harry always held everything inside.

"The war isn't your fault, especially the lives that are lost. I know I don't understand your world, but I do know enough to understand that none of it is your fault. All those lives were lost because of that horrible wizard that killed your parents. Their deaths were out of your control. You were only a baby."

"If only I've listened to Ron and Hermione. If only I've just listened, then he would still be here!" Harry shouted out, he rubbed his eyes, trying to stop crying. Petunia could see he was trying to calm down, trying to reign back in his emotions that were spilling out of him.

He then looked at her hand on his shoulder and flinched, shaking it off and shouting, "Don't touch me!"

Petunia looked at him, taken aback by his sudden anger. She was about to reprimand him for his disrespect, but he suddenly let out a gut wrenching sob, his body shaking uncontrollably. She wondered what he meant. Who left him? She knew Harry didn't mean to say that. She knew he was fighting hard to keep it all inside still. Harry didn't just want to talk to her, he couldn't talk to her. After so many years of emotionally neglecting him, Harry grew up knowing that expressing his emotions was a huge NO for him. He grew up knowing if he was ever hurt, in pain or afraid, going to his aunt and uncle was against the rules, they did not want to hear it or be bothered. Petunia hated herself for that.

"Who did you lose?" she whispered. "It's okay, you can tell me what happened."

Harry took a deep breath and wiped his face, trying to take back control of his emotions. "Sirius...," he choked out before he started crying harder. "I want to go with him!"

Petunia tried to get him to say more, but Harry had shut down. He wasn't going to say anymore.

_What about Sirius? Where did he go that Harry couldn't follow?_

She believed that man was Harry's godfather. She wondered what happened to him as she made Harry lay down and go back to sleep. She could see him still fighting back his tears, holding everything in and she knew that wasn't healthy. She wanted him to cry, scream or hit the wall, throw things across the room! Anything that will release his pain. This was her fault he was so depressed and closed in. She knew only one thing could've happened to Sirius that would make her nephew act like this. Something so horrible that she couldn't even say it out loud to him. Petunia didn't have too. She knew her guess was correct as she watched Harry fall back to sleep. Everything made so much sense now that she knew. Harry's increasing depression, his change of attitude, his eating and sleeping habits.

_Everything fits together now!_ Petunia thought, pulling the thin blanket over her sleeping nephew, and that was when she saw them...

She let out a short intake of breath and gently held out Harry's arm to get a better look. She couldn't believe what she was seeing. Long lines of fresh cuts on the underside of his left arm. And aside from those, there were visible scars, indicating that Harry had been doing this to himself for a while. It looked like it was done with a small knife. She couldn't believe he was in this much pain to start cutting himself. She knew he had come back from school depressed. She saw the signs of nightmares and loss of appetite but she never knew it was that bad. Harry never showed signs that he was falling this hard.

She couldn't believe her nephew would hurt himself like this! He was practically committing suicide the way he wasn't taking care of himself. What if one of those cuts were to get infected? What if Harry went too far one day? Petunia shuddered at the thought. She had to do something! She couldn't let Harry hurt himself like this again. She gently laid his arm back down, studying her nephew's sleeping face. Even in sleep, the boy looked stressed.

She instantly regretted all those years of dislike she showed to him. Perhaps if she had once shown to her nephew that she had cared, then maybe, it would had prevented him from hurting himself. If she hadn't emotionally detached herself from him, then maybe he wouldn't have a hard time opening up. This was a cry for help, she knew Harry didn't really want to die! Is that what he meant when he said he wanted to go with Sirius? He wanted to die too?! This was serious! This was more than Harry just being depressed, so much more and Petunia knew she had screwed up. She screwed up by being too blind by her jealousy and grief for Lily to see the signs. As she thought about what she should do, Petunia decided to leave the room so she won't wake the sleeping teen. She made sure the scars were hidden underneath his sleeve before she switched off the lamp, quietly leaving Harry's room.

Petunia couldn't go back to sleep, so she went downstairs and started mopping the kitchen floor. She loved cleaning. Not just for the satisfaction of killing the germs and filth but for the rhythmic mindless motion of the task. And that is what she needed, as she tried to think of a way to contact help for Harry.

She couldn't just call the headmaster at the school or even pay him a visit. She had no idea where the school was. Then a memory came to mind, a memory when she was a child, maybe twelve or thirteen. After Lily had gotten her acceptance letter to that school, Petunia had written a letter to the headmaster, secretly using Lily's new owl.

Once Petunia finished up the mopping, she pulled out some paper and a pen and began writing to the headmaster. She wrote about Harry's depression and how worried she was for his life. Since Harry was asleep, she'll be able to use his owl to send the letter. She knew the headmaster would probably be upset at her neglect in caring for the boy, but this time she was not afraid of his anger. She had to be brave, she had to own up to her mistakes. She had to do this for not only Harry's life, but for the memory of her sister.

**A/N: For those of you who are reading this story, this chapter has been rewritten. I will be editing and rewriting the other chapters as well, so at times the chapters might not match to what I've wrote in previous chapters. If you have any questions, please ask! I'll make sure to answer them =)**

** This story is set to the summer after the fifth book The Order of the Phoenix if you haven't already guessed it. I hope you liked this first chapter and let me know what you all think! **

**\- Chases'Girl19**


	2. Chapter 2 Severus' Mission

**Chapter Two - Severus' Mission**

Severus Snape, Potions master of Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry was a very private man who preferred to work on his life's work of potions than go out and socialize. He preferred keeping to himself. Especially, since he was acting as a double agent for Albus Dumbledore by spying on the Dark Lord. It was a pretty important position, for Severus was also acting as a spy for the Dark Lord. The very fact that he had to keep his true loyalties a secret to the Dark Lord, was a pretty good reason to why Severus Snape didn't bother forming relationships outside of Hogwarts and the Order. He couldn't trust anyone to keep their mouths shut. So Severus often spent the summer holidays, and every other holiday during the year alone. Severus in fact enjoyed his lifestyle. When he wasn't on a mission for Dumbledore or in a meeting with the Dark Lord during the holidays, he often spent his free time brewing and doing research on his own potions that he created.

After a long day of brewing potions for Madam Pomfrey's potion store for the next school year, Severus had retired to a cup of tea and a potions book. He was just starting to read the first line when his fireplace glowed green and the face of Albus Dumbledore appeared in the green flames.

"And what do I owe the pleasure for a social call at this time of hour?" Severus drawled as he reluctantly put down his book.

"Severus, how have you been fairing this summer? I hope your enjoying your holidays."

"If I could call it a holiday!" he snapped. "Skip the pleasantries, Albus, and indulge me on the details for my next useless mission for the Order."

"Ah, Severus, let's hope this one is useless and Petunia is worried over nothing," he said somberly. The twinkling in Albus' blue eyes disappeared.

"Petunia?" Severus echoed the name in confusion. "Petunia as in Lily's..?"

"Yes Lily's sister and the guardian of Harry Potter."

"What's wrong with the Potter brat now? Is he not getting enough attention from his fan club?" Severus rolled his eyes, covering up the tiny spark of concern for the boy, then pushing it away immediately, as the image of the insolent Potter brat's face popped into his mind.

"I have just received word from Petunia Dursley. She claims that Harry is not taking the death of his godfather well. She has mentioned that he is having nightmares every night since the beginning of the summer holidays. He doesn't eat and she found cuts, Severus..."

"What do you mean cuts?"

"I don't want to make assumptions, but Petunia had written that they look like they are cuts due to self-harm. And if we don't do something to help, she fears for her nephew's life," Albus said in a solemn tone.

"And you want me to do what? Albus, are you sure the boy isn't throwing one of his infamous tantrums?" Severus asked slowly. He had an idea where the headmaster was heading.

"I'm unable to check on Harry myself. I'm in the middle of a personal mission. I would really appreciate it if you can check on the boy for me and make sure he is okay. If you think that he isn't safe there for any reasons, take him to Hogwarts. I know this might affect the wards placed on him but if Petunia still considers that Harry has a home with her, then that shouldn't be a problem."

Severus sighed. He knew he couldn't say no to the headmaster, especially since Albus had done so much for him in the past. Severus just couldn't stand the thought of being the person to check on the boy. Who was going to watch Potter? Not himself surly? Severus had better things to do than babysit this summer.

"If I bring Potter back, then what am I to do with him until you return?" Severus asked.

"He is to reside in your quarters where he will be safe, Severus. I can't thank you enough."

His worst fears confirmed, Severus scowled in annoyance at the headmaster.

"Are you sure there is no one else fit for this mission?" Severus asked. "What about the Weasleys or the wolf?"

"Remus is out on a mission at this moment and the wards around Hogwarts are stronger than the Burrow. Voldemort is more powerful than ever. We can't take no chances on relying on the wards that are placed on the Burrow, when the wards on Hogwarts are so much stronger."

Severus sighed loudly again and pinched his nose in frustration, "okay, Albus, I'll do it. I'll check on Potter first thing tomorrow morning."

"Don't sound so glum about this, Severus, it can be nothing after all. But if not, and Potter does end up coming back with you, maybe it's for the best. It would be wonderful if you can use the time to work on your differences with one another," Albus chuckled merrily at the scowl Severus let out. Then he disappeared, causing the flames in Severus' fireplace to turn back to the orange and red flames once more.

* * *

"You little freak!" Uncle Vernon yelled as he punched his nephew hard in the stomach, causing Harry to double over and gag.

"I told you to finish up this list before I come home from work and you've only done half!"

Harry still gaging, choked out, "I did them as fast as I could, but it was too much! No one can finish all of that in one day!"

"Don't you dare talk back to me, boy! I'll show you! You lazy little…," Uncle Vernon didn't finish his sentence. For his fury rose so high all he could do was push Harry against the wall and choke him.

Harry gasped and try to claw his uncle's meaty hands off him, but it was no use. Uncle Vernon was too strong. Harry gasped for air. His vision clouded with dark spots.

And then it came to him...

Maybe, it wouldn't be that bad if this was how he died...

Harry had nothing to live for anyway. Dumbledore can find a new hero. Neville would probably do a better job than him anyway. Especially since Harry screwed up so badly at the Ministry at the end of fifth year, resulting in countless injuries to his classmates and Sirius' death.

_I can see Sirius again and my parents_...

Suddenly Harry was falling to the floor. The air whooshed back into his lungs as he inhaled and exhaled loudly. Uncle Vernon gave him one hard kick in the ribs before shouting, "go to your room, boy!" and stomped off to the living room.

Harry laid there for a couple of seconds, trying to gain control of his breathing.

It hurt so much to breathe!

The left side of his ribs where Uncle Vernon had kicked him were screaming in pain. Harry was surprised that Uncle Vernon had let go so quickly. Maybe he realized that Harry had stopped fighting. Uncle Vernon was always determine to make sure Harry received nothing he truly wanted, maybe even death.

Harry stood up and shakily climbed up the stairs to his room. He laid down on his bed, not even pausing to examine his new bruises or his neck or even his bruised ribs. He didn't care at all for anything anymore. He just wanted to sleep and forget.

Harry was dozing off when he heard his door open. He was too tired to open his eyes to see who it was. He flinched when he felt a soft hand lay on his forehead.

"Shh, Harry, it's alright. It's just me," Aunt Petunia whispered.

She laid down a bowl of soup and a glass of water with some aspirin on his night table.

"Eat this now, before he comes in and sees this."

Harry opened his eyes and took the aspirin, swallowing it down with a glass of water.

"You don't have to do this you know," he muttered as he stirred his spoon around in the bowl of soup. He didn't really have much of an appetite. Harry couldn't even remember the last time he had eaten.

"Yes I do, Harry," Aunt Petunia frowned, as Harry placed the bowl of soup on his night table. He was slightly embarrassed for his meltdown last night. His aunt probably saw him as a pathetic kid now.

The fact that Aunt Petunia was acting like she cared all of sudden, after years of neglect and dislike, bothered Harry once more. He found himself blurting out in a raspy voice due to just being choked minutes ago. "But why now? Why now, when you could had treated me better as soon as I first came into this house."

Aunt Petunia frowned as Harry watched her gather her thoughts. She sighed in defeat and said, "I was young, Harry, and full of anger and resentment. And then when I found out about your mother's death, I didn't allow myself to grieve. I choose to be angry. Until it came to the point where I couldn't look at you because you reminded me of her every day, not just because of your eyes but by the way you fight. Harry, Lily was a fighter and she stood up to her beliefs. You got that from her, along with her good heart and compassion. I've had a lot of time to think and now seeing you suffer is breaking my heart. I often wonder what your mother would say to me if she knew how Vernon and I raised you. I wouldn't be surprised if she never forgave me. I know I shouldn't try and redeem myself for what I've done, because I know I don't deserve a second chance or your forgiveness. But now I'm trying to set things right. Harry, you'll always be family, no matter how Vernon and even Dudley says you're not. Just know that with me, you'll always have a home."

Harry gapped at Aunt Petunia's confession before anger took over.

"If I'm family and you're trying to set things right, then why do you let Uncle Vernon hit me? Why do you just look away while I'm getting the stuffing beaten out of me? He was bloody choking me today and where were you?!" he shouted, not even bothering to hide the hurt he was feeling.

"Harry, please understand that I can never be as strong as Lily, and with Vernon... I have to pick my battles. If I stood up to him…." Aunt Petunia shuddered at the thought of her husband's anger.

Harry glared at her. He understood. He completely understood that Aunt Petunia cared for him, but not enough to stop her husband from beating him. As always, her first priority was Dudley and herself. Harry knew it was too good to be true to think that his aunt had a complete change of heart. Harry felt so stupid to believe her. And he realized that he can never trust an adult again, especially one who cares for him, because they'll either leave him or they don't care as much as they say they do.

"Harry…," Aunt Petunia said in an apologetic tone. She was about to touch his shoulder, as if to comfort him, but Harry flinched away. He scooted far away from her, laid back down on his bed and covered himself with his blanket.

"I'm tired, Aunt Petunia," he muttered.

He ignored his aunt's apologies, closing his eyes and trying not to cry. A lump formed in his throat. Making it hard to breathe due to the fact that his neck and throat was still sore from his uncle's hands. His ribs hurt and felt so tender, that he wondered if they were broken from Uncle Vernon's kick.

Harry couldn't understand why he was feeling so upset about what Aunt Petunia had said. After all, he was supposed to be used to not being cared for in her house. His aunt's footsteps was the last thing he heard, before he dozed off into a fitful sleep.

"No," Harry mumbled in his sleep.

Sirius was laughing, he was laughing and Bellatrix took her chance.

"Avada Kedrava!" she shouted.

Green light blinded Harry and Sirius' laughter was gone.

"No!" Harry screamed.

Cruel laughter filled the room with the veil. It was echoing off the walls.

_Voldemort..._

Fear filled every inch of his body...

"Sirius!" Harry shouted.

He sat up in bed drenched in sweat. His vision blurry since his glasses were on the night table. A cool hand touched his arm and Harry flinched back in surprise and fear.

"Lumos," a soft voice whispered. A bright light illuminated Harry's room.

Harry grabbed his glasses and put them on. His mouth dropped open in surprise. He was sure he was still dreaming, for the person standing in his bedroom was none other than his Potions Professor Severus Snape.

"Snape?" he hissed. "What are you doing here?!"

He pulled his wand out from under his mattress, ready to defend himself if needed. He knew Dumbledore trusted Snape but Harry had every right to not trust the snake.

"Put your wand away, Potter! And it's Professor Snape or sir to you! Look at you, already disrespecting your elders!" Snape hissed. "I was sent by Professor Dumbledore to check on you. And seeing that you're shouting in your sleep, maybe he was right to send me!" he snapped impatiently. His black eyes glittering coldly in the wand light.

Hoping the Dursleys were still asleep, Harry reached over and flicked on his lamp. He inwardly groaned from the pain in his ribs. It seemed as if they had gotten worse while he was asleep.

"What time is it?" was the only thing Harry can think of, besides the whirlpool of questions going on inside his head. Why did Dumbledore decide to send someone to check on him now all of sudden? And why did it have to be Snape? Hagrid or one of the Weasleys were perfectly capable of completing the task but Snape?!

"Of all the things to ask you insolent boy," Snape hissed as he rolled his eyes. "Its 5am and you have an hour to explain yourself!"

"I have to explain myself? Bloody hell!" Harry gritted his teeth at the sharp pain his exclamation caused him. He really couldn't breathe without irritating his bruised ribs. Luckily, Snape was too busy yelling to have noticed it.

"Language, Potter!"

"Why did Professor Dumbledore sent you?" Harry couldn't help but ask.

"Like I said, he sent me to check up on you."

"Yes, but why? He's never done something like this, unless to pick me up, but to simply just check on me? He usually has Aurors trailing around and keeping watch for Death Eaters outside."

"I was sent here to check on you because the headmaster has received a very worrisome letter from your aunt. He is too busy doing far more important things for the Order than to be bothered by some bothersome child!" Snape hissed in annoyance. "Now explain yourself, Potter!"

Harry could only stare at his professor.

_Aunt Petunia sent Dumbledore a letter?_

"What did she say to him?" Harry asked. His shock was written clearly all over his face.

"You're more of an idiot than I thought if you don't already know!" Snape snapped in annoyance.

Harry only glared at him, stubbornly waiting for Snape to answer to his questions.

"If you're not going to explain yourself, I see no reason in staying here any longer, completely assuming that your aunt has nothing to worry about," Snape announced as he prepared to leave.

Harry then realized he was costing his only chance of leaving this place for the summer.

_Maybe Snape will take me to the Weasleys!_

"I'm guessing Aunt Petunia told Professor Dumbledore how I've been taking Sirius' death?" he muttered in a low voice. He can feel his face flushing in embarrassment. Seriously of all people it had to be Snape!

* * *

Severus was becoming more annoyed by the second.

_This brat seems okay! To hell with Albus and his concerns! It's obvious Potter is just trying to gain attention! The attention-seeking brat, exactly like his father!_

He was just about to leave when he noticed the pain in Potter's voice as he spoke. Severus turned around to look at him. The boy was frowning, looking down at his hands. Potter's green eyes behind his glasses were dark, showing an internal battle the boy seemed to be having with himself. It looked as if he were torn between keeping everything to himself, and explaining his problems with his least favorite professor.

_Maybe there is something to be concerned about…._

"Bloody…," Severus cursed in annoyance, swearing to himself that Albus Dumbledore was going to be the death of him one day. He pulled up Potter's desk chair so that it faced the boy, taking a seat, while Potter stared at him with wide green eyes.

_So much like her eyes..._

Severus decided to look away and not think about Lily at all.

"Why don't you start with the nightmares you've been having, Potter," Severus said stiffly. Showing the boy that he would rather be doing something else than listen to his teenage angst.

* * *

"Can't you just tell Professor Dumbledore that I'm not doing well here and take me to the Weasleys? Do we have to do this whole talking thing?" Harry complained in horror when he realized that Snape was expecting him to start talking about his nightmares and feelings.

"Potter, for the love of Merlin! I'm just following the headmaster's orders! I know you think you are above anyone's orders and too arrogant to follow rules to respect your professors. I know this is uncomfortable, but for once, just do as I say, and not make it more unpleasantly painful for the both of us!"

Harry glared at Snape. Hatred for the man raged through him. Why should he even tell Snape what his nightmares have been about? How he was forced to watch Sirius die over and over. The man wouldn't understand! No one did least of all Snape, who didn't even want to listen!

"No! Why should I tell you! You don't care at all! You hated Sirius!" Harry forced himself to not clutch at his ribs when he shouted. He didn't want Snape to see how much pain he was in. It was obvious the man didn't know about Uncle Vernon's punishments and Harry wanted it to stay that way.

"Calm down, Potter, before you wake the muggles!" Severus snapped. "I can honestly feel a headache starting to take place due to your attitude!"

He uttered a silencing spell around the room. "I'm surprised those infernal muggles haven't woken up due to all of your ruckus!"

"No, you hated him! You hated Sirius! You hated my dad and you hate me! You don't even know anything about me!" Harry shouted. He gasped painfully for air. Now that he was shouting, he couldn't stop. And now everything, all the pain, guilt, grief and anger that he had been holding inside, uncontrollably spilled out.

"Since day one, you've hated me! So why should I talk to you? You don't even want to be here! It's obvious you're being forced by Professor Dumbledore to be here! So just take me to the Weasleys and save yourself the trouble!"

"Believe me, Potter, If I could, I would in a heartbeat! I'm not going to repeat myself to an arrogant swine, just like your father! Now tell me about your bloody nightmare or so help me I'm go..!"

"Or you're going to what?" Harry shouted, cutting off Snape in the middle of his rant. "Are you going to curse me? Go ahead. Finish what Voldemort's started! Like I bloody care anymore whatever I live or die!"

* * *

Severus stared at him in disbelief.

_Did Potter really mean that? Or did he just say that because he is so angry, he can't control his mouth?_

Suddenly all of Severus' anger vanished. This boy must be really taking his godfather's death pretty badly. Either that or the stress of the prophecy was too heavy for him to bear, causing the boy to break. The boy had deeper problems than he thought. And what was worse, was that Petunia's suspicions about the self-harm was most likely to be true.

"Do you really consider ending your own life, Potter?" he asked softly.

It was quiet for a few moments. So quiet and the air so full of tension, that Severus almost missed the small voice coming from the child.

"Sometimes…."

Severus sighed and covered his face with his hands.

_I guess this qualifies as a reason to take Potter back with me, since he's trying to gain everyone's attention by being suicidal of all the things... Bloody hell!_

"Show me your arms, Potter," Severus ordered in a slow menacing voice, showing the boy that there will be consequences if he didn't do what he was told.

Potter sighed in defeat, as if he was thinking there was no point in hiding it anymore.

He got out of bed and stood in front of Severus, glaring at him with raging green eyes as he held out his arm.

Severus lifted up his sleeve, frowning at the long healing cuts along the underarm of Potter's left arm. Some were small, some long and looking as if they were pretty deep. Along the skin were crissed-crossed scars, some looked old, some looked fresh. Severus couldn't believe the boy would stoop this low. The sight of these self-inflicted cuts melted away the ice in his heart, allowing Severus to see that the boy wasn't doing this for attention. Potter truly needed help. Severus now understood why Petunia was so worried. If the boy went too far one day, he can kill himself. And Severus doubted it wasn't going to be any longer, considering what the boy had recently shouted at him moments ago.

Severus drew his wand over the boy's arm and whispered a healing spell over the opened cuts, turning them into freshly healed scars. When he was done, he let go of Potter's arm and asked in his most sincere voice, "why do you this to yourself, Potter?"

The boy looked away. His face red with embarrassment and shame and Severus knew he wasn't going to get an answer.

"Fine, if you won't answer me, then you'll have to answer to your headmaster. This leaves me no choice. I'll have to take you back with me. This is exactly what Professor Dumbledore was afraid of." The anger and hate was gone from Severus' voice. Only to be replaced with compassion for the student he has hated for almost six years.

"Am I going to the Weasleys?" Potter asked hopefully as he pulled his sleeves back down, covering up his scars once more.

"No, I'm to take you to Hogwarts. Now start packing up your trunk," Severus answered. He decided to leave out the part where the boy was going to reside in his living quarters. He was sure if he did, Potter would absolutely refuse to go with him and the brat was quite stubborn.

Potter looked crestfallen for a moment at the knowledge that he wouldn't be heading to the Burrow, before he muttered, "Sir?"

"Yes, Potter?" Severus scowled.

_Seriously, the boy can't follow one simple task!_

"My trunk is locked away under the stairs in my old cupboard."

"Your old cupboard?" Severus asked. "Care to explain, Potter?"

"It was where I slept up until my first year at Hogwarts." Potter said it so calmly, as if sleeping in a broom cupboard were quite normal for children.

"What are you talking about?" Severus was so confused to why Potter was suddenly saying he used to sleep inside an old broom cupboard. Albus only mentioned that Potter was harming himself, nothing else that might be going wrong in the Dursley household.

Severus glared closely at Potter, who was looking anywhere but at him. He then noticed for the first time, the hand-shaped bruises around his neck.

_Don't tell me that that they abuse him…,_ Severus realized.

"How did you get those bruises on your neck?" Severus snapped without intending too.

The boy gaped at him, lost for words at the sudden question.

"Answer me, Potter! Did your uncle do this to you?" Severus snapped again, as he placed his hand on Potter's chin, forcing him to look up at him but it only caused the boy to flinch away.

"I ...I... don't want to talk about it," Potter muttered.

That gave all the proof Severus needed.

_Those worthless bloody muggles!_ Severus thought as he frowned at the boy. His lips forming a thin line of disapproval as he fought to hold in the rage at what he just found out.

"Stay here," Severus muttered as he opened the door to Potter's room and crept quietly down the stairs to not wake up the muggles.

He whispered, "Alohomora," unlocking the bolts and chains on the cupboard door. Severus still couldn't believe what Potter had said. How can anyone can allow a child to sleep in a cupboard was beyond him.

As much as Severus hated the boy, Potter didn't deserve that. What upset Severus the most, was that he never knew Potter was being abused at home. Sure he heard the boy complain about his relatives occasionally during term at Hogwarts, but he always assumed Potter was just being ungrateful and spoiled. All teenagers complained about their parents. But Severus never knew, never noticed the signs. And the part that made Severus angrier was that Albus surly must had known. He must had known about Potter's home life. Albus was the one who sent the boy there and had Mrs. Figg watch him, surely she must had noticed the abuse and informed the headmaster.

Severus frowned as he opened the cupboard door. He couldn't help but think of another boy who was mistreated and abused by the person who was supposed to love him and protect him. Severus pushed away the familiar emotions that came up every time he thought about his past and forced himself to focus on the task at hand, which was collecting Potter's trunk and getting the hell out of here before he lost control and cursed the filthy muggles.

The cupboard was so small and dusty as he pulled out Potter's trunk. Severus swore that he saw a bunch of spiders crawl away into the shadows. He tried not to imagine Potter as a small child on that folded up cot, laying in pain with no one but spiders to comfort him. On the small shelves, Severus noticed the little toy soldiers, broken and worn out. No doubt they were second hand toys that have most likely been tossed aside by Potter's cousin.

Next to the broken toys were old papers with a child's drawings on them. Without thinking about it, Severus grabbed the old artwork and stuffed it into the inside pocket of his robes. Without pausing, Severus closed the cupboard door and levitated the trunk upstairs back to Potter's bedroom.

Once Severus reached the top of the staircase, to his utter surprise, he was confronted by Petunia Dursley. She had on her pink bathrobe and her blonde hair was pulled up in a neat bun. Her arms were crossed and her mouth was shaped in a thin frown. Severus almost didn't recognize the woman. The last time he saw Petunia Dursley was when they were teenagers. She was Petunia Evans than. She hadn't even gone to Lily's funeral.

"Of all people, I didn't expect that headmaster of yours to send you to pick up Harry," she snapped. She wrinkled her nose in disgust. "I can see you've finally grown a decent height, Snape."

"It's a pleasure seeing you too," Snape sneered at her. He was giving everything he had to not pull out his wand and threaten the woman who was supposed to be responsible for Potter's well-being.

"Lily would have been disappointed in you if she knew what you and your poor excuse for a muggle husband did to her child!" he hissed. He fought harder to control his rage for the abuse Potter had suffered.

"What if I forbid you from taking, Harry!" she snapped in anger, ignoring what Severus told her. "When I wrote to the headmaster, I asked _him_ to pick Harry up! Not you! If you take him and I refuse, then you are committing kidnapping!"

"Don't be stupid, Dursley! You had your chance with raising the boy right and you failed. Now get out of my way! Your empty threat means nothing to me," Snape growled.

* * *

Petunia could see the man tightening his hold around his wand. She glared at the man she once knew as a child. She had hated him ever since they met in that playground. When he took Lily away from her. Resentment clouded Petunia's blue eyes. Why should she entrust her nephew's care to the hands of this man? Why should she let him take off with her sister's only child?

As hard as it was to admit though, Petunia knew why...

She knew Lily and Severus were best friends. Her sister loved this man standing right in front of Petunia. Lily saw the good in everyone and she obviously saw something in Snape, so why couldn't she see it too?

She stepped aside and let Snape pass through her. Maybe entrusting Lily's son to the man who was her best friend will redeem Petunia and her crimes. It was the least she can do for her sister after the hard childhood she gave to Harry.

She followed the man inside Harry's room and saw that the boy was ready to go. She wasn't sure if he was going to come back next summer. For Harry's safety she hoped he didn't, but for own selfish reasons, she hoped Harry will return. Now that she was trying to change, she wanted to truly get to know her nephew, and see the person he has grown up to be.

* * *

Severus finished explaining to Potter about the Portkey that was going to activate in five minutes. Potter was double checking that he had everything when Severus noticed that Petunia had followed him inside the room. He chose to pretend he wasn't paying attention, busying himself by shrinking Potter's trunk as Petunia hugged Potter and said, "You don't have to come back, Harry, you're not obligated if you do not want too and I perfectly understand if this is the last time I see you. Again, I am truly sorry for what I have done to you. I know I don't deserve your forgiveness, but just know that you are always welcomed back by me, no matter what happens. I hope that when you go the wards will still hold, keeping you safe from the wizard that killed your parents. That's the least I can do after everything," she said to the boy who looked surprised at his aunt's behavior.

Severus wondered if this was the first time Petunia had said something nice to the boy. He decided not to ask. Potter will be able to talk about his home life when he was ready. At least the boy would still be protected by the blood wards and he mentally reminded himself to inform this to Albus when he got the chance.

Petunia gave Potter who looked uncomfortable at the attention, another small hug when Severus interrupted them by saying, "it's time, Potter."

* * *

Harry held Hedwig's cage close to his chest and put his hand on the Portkey. The last thing he saw before leaving number four Privet Drive was his room and his aunts' teary face before he was pulled from his naval and whisked away to Hogwarts.

**A/N: Whew nine pages! I hope you enjoyed this chapter! Please tell me what you think. =)**


	3. Chapter 3 Severus' Promise

**Chapter Three - Severus' Promise**

Once they were at their destination, Harry landed on his back on the floor with the breath knocked out of him. He had to take slow agonizing breaths to force the nausea away that was creeping up from the pain his ribs were in. Harry was still clutching Hedwig's cage close to his chest. The snowy owl was hooting with indignation at being tossed around in her cage.

No matter how many times Harry had traveled by Portkey in the past, he will never get used to the feeling or learn how to land on his feet. Snape didn't bother to help him up as he sat down at his desk and began writing a letter. Harry groaned as he stood up, looking around the room he was in. It didn't take him long to realize they were in Snape's office. The jars of gruesome potion ingredients and animal parts gleamed in the shadows caused by the flames burning in the fireplace.

"Um, sir?" Harry asked. "Why are we in your office? I thought since we were going to Hogwarts, that I'll be going straight to Professor Dumbledore's office."

"Quiet, Potter, I'm trying to write to the headmaster," Snape snapped as he signed the letter, sealed it and sent it off with a Hogwarts owl that was sitting on his desk.

"You're writing a letter to Dumbledore? You mean he's not here?" Harry exclaimed in surprise and confusion. "Then who's going to be here at Hogwarts with me?"

"Come with me," Snape growled, completely ignoring Harry's questions as he stood up from his chair and glared at him.

He left the office and walked down the corridor in a very fast pace, causing Harry to practically jog to keep up as he held Hedwig's cage close to him. The owl was hooting quietly as she fluttered her feathers, sensing she was back at Hogwarts.

Harry was already out of breath once they reached a large portrait. His throat burning from the effort of breathing. His neck was aching from the bruises and the strain of being choked. The bruises under Harry's clothes were throbbing. His ribs on his left side were screaming with pain, but he managed to keep up. And was very glad that Snape had finally stopped walking.

"Draught of Living Death," Snape muttered and the portrait door swung open. Snape stepped inside without a word as Harry quickly followed him in, with the portrait door swinging shut behind him. After unshrinking Harry's trunk and leaving it near the entrance, Snape disappeared through another door, leaving Harry alone to look around.

They were in what seemed to be like a small flat. The living room was large with a small black leather sofa, an armchair and a brown coffee table. Random bookshelves and plants littered the room. And the kitchen was separated by a long island. Harry can see a small round kitchen table inside. There were two doors connecting to the living room. One door was closed and another door was slightly open. It was the one Snape had disappeared inside.

"What do you think, Hedwig? Do you think we can trust him?" Harry asked as he sat her cage down on a nearby table. The owl hooted happily as she looked around the flat with her huge yellow eyes.

Harry wondered if Snape was even going to come back. He wondered what Snape was going to do with him. He couldn't believe that he gave his secret away and to Snape!

The potions professor surly wouldn't want Harry around.

No one ever did….

Maybe Snape was going to leave him with Hagrid. Hagrid was the only person Harry could think of that still resided at Hogwarts during the summer holidays. Anything was better than being in Snape's company! Harry tried not to shudder at the thought of staying with his greasy potions professor. He might as well have been better off with the Durselys. Harry rubbed at his aching bruised neck…_maybe not,_ he thought after a while.

"Sit down, Potter," Snape ordered. He returned from the room and began placing an assortment of potions and balms on the coffee table.

Harry walked slowly towards the couch, glaring at Snape with suspicion.

"Sir, where are we? And what's that lot for?" he gestured at the potions and balms.

"Sit," Snape snapped at him.

Harry stood his ground. "Not until you tell me what's going on!"

"For the love of Merlin, Potter, sit and I'll explain! You can't follow one simple order? Is that too much to ask for the famous Harry Potter?"

Harry scowled and sat down, refusing to look at his potions professor.

* * *

Severus tried not lose his temper with the boy, but it was so damn hard! He was trying not to see Potter as his father. He kept trying to remind himself that this boy needed help and Severus shouldn't turn him away just because of who his father was. He decided that he should start explaining to Potter about the living arrangements or he will probably refuse to let Severus treat the bruises around his neck.

"When the headmaster received your aunt's letter he was very worried. Unfortunately, he could not check up on you due to a business errand he was attending…," Severus rearranged the words around, knowing the boy was going to start probing him for answers that he didn't have about Albus' mission.

"So he asked me to check up on you, also telling me that if anything, any concerns about your life, that I should take you back with me to Hogwarts, as you'll be safer here than the Burrow because the wards are stronger."

"And the blood wards from my aunt?" Potter asked. "Are they still intact since I left?"

"Yes those are still intact, since she told you before we left, that you still have a place in her home. Besides Privet Drive, this is the safest place for you. However since no one resides in the castle during the summer holidays, the headmaster has arranged for you to reside in my living quarters, only until he can contact the wolf who is on a mission for the Order, to come and watch over you."

Severus noticed the horror in the boy's eyes as he learned that he was going to stay here and live with him.

"How long do I have to wait for Lupin, sir?"

"The headmaster said a couple of weeks, although, it can be longer. For we do not know how the mission is going or how long it will take for Lupin to come back. I do not even know myself what Professor Dumbledore has the wolf doing for the Order."

"So I'm basically stuck here for the summer," Potter muttered.

Severus just nodded as he began to arrange the potions once more. "Now I'm going to administer some potions to you to heal your neck. I suggest you inform me right away if you have any other wounds that need attending too."

Potter frowned as if he didn't hear Severus' request. Severus can practically see the gears turning in Potter's brain as he thought of the information he had revealed to him.

"What kind of mission is Lupin on?"

"Like I said earlier, I do not know and any question relating to that subject I will not answer, as of you're only a child and should not be concerning yourself with such matters."

Potter glared at him. "I'm not a child," he snapped.

Severus snorted, "I'll believe that when hell freezes over. Now lift up your head so I can examine your neck, Potter!"

Potter scowled. And to Severus' surprise, the boy did what he was told.

He can see the hand marks of Potter's uncle around his neck. The bruises were pretty bad also, dark purple, the skin around them red. Anger for that man swelled up in Severus as he started to rub some bruising balm on Potter's neck. Those muggles weren't going to get away with this!

"What is your pain rating on a scale of one through ten for these bruises?" He asked when he was done.

"Six, Sir," Potter muttered, not looking at him in the eye.

Severus growled, "Stop downplaying your pain, Potter! What is your pain rating?"

"Nine," Potter muttered.

Severus handed him a potion to reduce the swelling in his throat.

"Drink," he ordered. Potter took the potion and drank it.

"Anything else I should know about?" he asked the boy.

"You mentioned that Professor Dumbledore ordered you to bring me back here if my life was in danger. What made you bring me back? I know I showed you my arm but that doesn't mean my life was in danger."

Severus glared at Potter's denial to his depression and the abuse he suffered at his uncle's hands.

"You very well know why I removed you from the Dursleys! The abuse you were receiving from Dursley was one of the many reasons! Now for the second time, Potter, stop downplaying the situation and tell me if you have any other injuries, or I swear I'm going to do it by force!" Severus yelled, his patience ebbing away by every minute that Potter was in his presence.

Potter glared at him with anger in his green eyes and lifted up his shirt. Severus forced himself to not react to the initial shock he was in. Potter's torso and ribs was covered in large, dark, purple bruises, along with older, yellow, grey bruises.

_I'm going to kill Dursley! _Severus thought as he gritted his teeth, trying to keep his emotions in check.

"May I?" he asked Potter. Gesturing to the boy that he was going to examine his bruises. The boy nodded. His face was red and he seemed to be very interested at looking at his shoes.

Severus gently pressed down on the dark bruise over Potter's left ribcage. The boy flinched and it was just as he had thought. One of the ribs were cracked. He picked up a potion for healing cracked and broken bones and gave it to the boy.

"A rib is cracked on your left side. Drink this, it will heal it in a second."

Potter took the potion and drank it, sighing in relief. Severus then began to rub the bruising balm on the bruises, turning them yellow, until they completely faded away.

"I'm not going to force you to talk about this right now, Potter," Severus said softly, as he began to clean up. The boy examined his ribcage and torso before pulling down his shirt once he was satisfied with the results. "But I'm not going to let this matter drop. It is far too serious to do as you wish and ignore it. I'm going to have to inform Professor Dumbledore once he returns."

"Fine but do not tell anyone else!" Potter answered. "I just can't handle this getting out."

"I wasn't just talking about the abuse, Potter! Hold out your arm again."

"Why?" Potter asked with indignation. "I already showed them to you! Can't you just forget what you saw? It's not like you care about what happens to me anyways."

"Now, Potter!"

The boy sighed and stuck out his arm. The scars looked worse than when he first saw them. Severus opened another jar of balm and rubbed it into his skin.

"This should help the scars," Severus growled, trying to be patient but the boy was really testing him.

Once he was done, Potter snatched his arm away as fast as he could, and covered the scars again with his sleeve.

"I'm not going to pretend those scars are not there. Hide them all you want, Potter, but I'm not going to ignore how those scars came to be! Now bring your trunk over here and empty out its contents on the table," Severus ordered, vanishing the potions and balms back to his potions lab with a wave of his wand.

Potter gaped at him with horror and anger, "No, those are my things! You're not going through my stuff!"

"You lost your privileges on privacy once you decided to become a danger to yourself!"

When the boy still didn't move, Severus shouted, "Now, Potter!"

The boy's owl began to hoot loudly from her cage at the noise level in the room.

"No!" Potter yelled back, as he stood his ground with a determined, stubborn, infuriating look on his bratty, insolent face!

Severus scowled loudly and waved his wand, "Accio Potter's trunk!" he shouted angrily.

The trunk floated towards him. He casted another charm to make the trunk open and spill Potter's belonging on the coffee table. Severus then sent the trunk back on the floor.

"You have no right, Snape!" Potter shouted standing up from the sofa and pointing his wand at Severus.

The owl was screeching at this point, no doubt trying to protect her master.

"Expelliarmus!" Severus shouted quickly before the boy can react. He grabbed Potter's wand out of the air. "I'm doing this for your own safety, you stupid child!"

"No, your being an evil git whose invading my privacy!" Potter shouted angrily. His mouth dropped open once he realized what he said. Then clamped his mouth shut once he realized his mouth was hanging open like the idiot he was.

Severus was this close to sending a stinging jinx on the brat. He forced himself to count slowly to ten before choosing his next words carefully.

"You are on probation, Potter! I'm going through your belongings so that I can take away anything that you can use to cut yourself. I'm doing this to keep you safe! Now sit down and keep your mouth shut!"

Obviously knowing that he went too far, Potter sat down and looked away from Severus. Anger and humiliation was written all over his face. Once the owl saw her master calming down, her screeches turned into a soft hooting. Severus was already developing an unpleasant headache that did not help to improve his bad mood at all.

* * *

Harry couldn't believe Snape was going through his stuff. He never felt more violated in his life!

_Greasy git_! he thought, angrily crossing his arms and leaning back against the sofa.

"Stop slouching, Potter!" Snape snapped as he rummaged through his belongings.

Harry snorted in contempt but sat up only because he was almost certain Snape was going to curse him for earlier, when he disrespected him and called him a greasy git to his face.

"What is this, Potter?" Snape asked, holding up a piece of broken mirror.

"It was a mirror Sirius gave me, so I can contact him whenever I needed him," Harry answered.

"Why didn't you use this to check on him before you ran off to the Ministry of Magic?"

It was a tense silence before Harry muttered, "I dunno."

"Speak clearly!"

"I DON'T KNOW!"

Snape scowled as he confiscated all the broken pieces of mirror, including the melted knife that Sirius had given Harry, along with other things that had pointed edges, all the while muttering under his breath about bratty teenagers.

Harry was too busy sulking that he stopped watching Snape touching his things with his greasy hands. Until he realized, that Snape was throwing his dad's invisibility cloak on the pile of confiscated stuff.

"What are you doing? That's my dad's! It doesn't have sharp edges! It's a bloody cloak!"

"Language, Potter, and I can't risk letting you keep this! Not just for you to roam the corridors at night or to try to break into my office so you can steal back your wand and belongings!"

"You're not giving me back my wand! But how will I defend myself if I get attacked?!"

"You won't be attacked if you follow my rules and stay inside the castle!"

"But!"

"No, Potter! Because then I'll be giving you access to all the sharp objects around the castle. Once again, I'm doing this to help you! I'm trying to prevent you from harming yourself again and these are the procedures I must take to do so!"

Snape spelled the rest of Harry's stuff back into his trunk. Shrinking it and tossing it to him, while he vanished away the confiscated things along with Harry's wand. _Probably to his office, where it will all be locked up in a huge safe, guarded by trolls, _Harry guessed bitterly.

"Come, Potter, I'll show you to your room."

Harry was surprised that he was actually getting a room. He assumed that Snape was just going to have him sleep in the Gryffindor dormitories or have him kip out on the sofa.

His bitterness at Snape's injustice faded a little over his curiosity, so Harry stood up to follow Snape, who opened the first closed door Harry had noticed, when he first came inside Snape's quarters.

Harry couldn't even believe that Snape lived here. For the place seemed so homey and comfortable. Harry had never imagined Snape living in a place like this. He had always assumed Snape liked living in the cold dungeons, much like his office.

Harry picked up Hedwig's cage and followed Snape inside to what would be his room. He couldn't help but smile at the sight. The room was pretty big, with a twin bed in the middle of the room, covered with a deep red comforter. A desk was to the left side of the bed. Two empty bookshelves and an empty closet was placed on the right side. There was also a night table on the side of the bed with a lamp sitting on it.

"You can unpack your trunk and leave it against the wall," Snape said, taking the trunk from Harry and spelling it to grow back to its proper size.

"If you haven't noticed already, which I seriously don't doubt, there is nothing sharp or dangerous you can get your hands on in here. So do not even try looking. Once you're settled in, come back out. I need to discuss a few ground rules with you during breakfast," Snape explained before leaving the room, so Harry can unpack.

Harry just rolled his eyes as Snape's footsteps disappeared into the living room. How was he going to survive this summer?! What was he going to tell Ron and Hermione? Hopefully they'll know what to say about this situation. He could almost hear Hermione's answer of how lucky Harry is, to be able to live at Hogwarts. That he should take advantage by using the library, and Professor Snape can look over his homework. Harry snorted, this will probably be a dream come true for Hermione. Ron on the other hand, would probably wonder if the greasy potions master would be out to get Harry, and would probably warn him not to trust Snape. Harry had to agree with that logic. No way was he going to trust Snape. Surly Remus will come soon and rescue him from this whole fiasco.

Harry placed Hedwig's cage on his desk.

"I'll ask Snape if I can let you go to the Owlery, girl," he said to his owl. Who was hooting softly and looking at him with her big yellow eyes.

Harry sighed and sat on the foot of the bed. "Do you think we'll be okay here?"

Hedwig fluffed up her feathers and wiggled her tail, causing Harry to smile. His owl seemed to enjoy being here, so... maybe..., Harry had nothing to worry about.

* * *

While the boy was unpacking, Severus decided to cook some breakfast. Something quick and simple, like eggs and fried tomatoes. As Severus fried up the eggs and tomatoes, he tried to get his thoughts together on the rules he was going to set for Potter. Severus was starting to feel like he might be out of his league here. Taking care of an abused boy who was showing suicidal tendencies? Severus has had experience in the past with his students who were troubled but never had he had to live with them and monitor them 24/7. Severus could already feel the weight on his shoulders for taking on such a task.

As hard as it was to admit though, he was worried for Potter. Sure he still hated the boy and his arrogant remarks, but still... he was Lily's son. He promised Dumbledore and to Lily, that no matter what, no matter how infuriating the boy was, Severus would always watch over him.

_I'm doing this for you, Lily,_ he thought. _Do you know what those muggles did to your son? Do you know what your son is doing to himself? I hope you're watching over him. He needs you and his father now more than ever._

He thought about the family the boy could've had if there was never a war. The boy would've had two loving parents, along with a godfather. And all because of a war, Potter had lost everything.

Severus turned off the stove and began serving the food onto two plates. He was placing some bread in the toaster as Potter came in to the kitchen and sat at the small round table. Severus put the plate in front of him, before sitting across from the boy with his own plate.

Severus observed how Potter stirred his food around his plate, taking half-hearted bites.

"You need to eat, Potter, stop playing with your food," he growled.

"I'm not very hungry."

"When was the last time you ate a proper meal? You've lost a lot weight. You are harming your body and it needs to stop. Now eat!" Severus tried to not to come out so harsh and obvious, but damn! He just had to get the brat to eat at least!

Potter glared at him with angry green eyes and swallowed a huge exaggerated amount of eggs and fried tomatoes. Severus knew it was just to spite him.

"Bratty teenagers," Severus muttered. The toaster ringed and he got up to place the toast on a plate.

_Well at least I got the kid to eat…._

Once they were done with their breakfast, Severus handed the boy a potion.

"It's to keep you from vomiting," he explained. "I assume you have been starving yourself, to the point that now you get sick whenever you consume something."

Potter drank the potion and mumbled, "thank you, sir."

"Now it's time to explain a few ground rules," Severus said as he spelled the dirty dishes away into the sink, where they magically began to clean themselves.

"One..., you do not leave the castle grounds. You can only leave my quarters with my permission. As of I don't want you roaming around the castle unsupervised and walking into the hands of a Death Eater." Severus snapped.

"Two...," he continued before the boy could speak. "You will work on your homework everyday as long as you're under my roof. And I expect it to be done efficiently."

"Three..., stay out of my rooms and potions lab. You have no business in there. You may have access to the living room and kitchen, however."

"Four..., you may only tell the Weasleys and Miss Granger about your living arrangements with me. The Order is also going to be informed of this too, but no one else! We must prevent this from leaking out to the Dark Lord."

Potter shook his head. "I'm not telling anything to any..."

"Five!" Severus snapped, ignoring him. "Keep out of my way and do not burn down my living quarters. Or I swear you'll wish you were back with those muggles!"

Potter scowled at his words. Again, Severus ignored him, lowering his voice in a serious tone.

"And..., if you haven't noticed, Potter, there is nothing that can be turned into a tool for your self-harming in my living quarters. All the drawers are magically locked, so you won't have access to utensils or anything you can harm yourself with. If you ever feel the need to harm yourself, then come to me straight away. You are here for a reason! So don't pretend it isn't important that you are hurting yourself."

Potter scowled, "I'm not some little kid you can order around!"

"Then stop acting like one! Now do you have any questions concerning these rules?"

"I'm guessing the portrait door won't let me out, unless I have your permission?" Potter scowled again, green eyes flashing in frustration.

"Correct."

Potter crossed his arms to his chest, "so I'm a prisoner in here, basically?"

"No, you are not, Potter! Change your ways on your low self-esteem and then maybe..., we will talk about your privileges outside once more. However, since you are a danger to yourself, you cannot be trusted alone in the castle where there are so many things you can get a hold of."

The boy didn't say anything for a while, his eyes glaring angrily down at the table.

"Stop sulking, Potter!" Severus snapped as he got up and began to make himself a cup of strong tea, and lacing it with a headache potion.

"Can I take Hedwig to the Owlery today?" he asked.

"You can do it later after your homework. It's far too early right now, your owl can spend a few more hours in its cage," he answered back. He didn't see the boy's reaction, as Severus's back was too him, still stirring his tea.

"Are those the only rules that I have?" Potter asked. "I'm not going to get assigned some chores or anything?"

Severus turned around and looked at Potter. This child was so used to his way of life with the muggles, believing it was normal to sleep in a cupboard and receiving a long list of chores to do all day. But that's not how children should spend their childhood. It struck a chord in Severus' heart, as he realized that he and Potter actually had a lot in common, concerning in how they were both raised.

"No, Potter," Severus said quietly. "I think we both know that you've done enough chores to last a life time. However, your only responsibilities this summer is to break your habit of harming yourself, keeping up with your homework, keeping your room clean, and makeing sure you abide my rules."

"Yes, sir," Potter nodded and he stifled a yawn.

"Bed now," Severus said. "You've had a long morning and I'm guessing you haven't been sleeping much. You need to rest and your body needs to heal."

"Sir, do you think I can have a dreamless sleep potion?"

"Why do you need one?" Severus asked, although he already knew the answer. He was just hoping the boy would start revealing some of his feelings about the death of his godfather. The boy needed to let it all out. It wasn't heathy to keep his emotions to himself. Potter needed someone to talk too, if he was ever going to heal. Severus can see that, even though the boy didn't show it, he was depressed, angry and hurt. It was why Severus felt so out of his league, because he was never good with the whole talking thing.

Perhaps..., the wolf could take over that part, once he freed the boy from Severus.

* * *

Harry shrugged his shoulders to Snape's question of why he wanted to take a dreamless sleep potion before going back to bed. He didn't want Snape to know how he was having trouble sleeping, because every time he closed his eyes, the nightmares began, always starting with him losing Sirius. The dream he had before Snape showed up in the early morning hours, had freaked Harry out. Voldemort's laughter was so real. He was sure the dark wizard was truly in his head and not just in a nightmare. Harry had struggled with visions and Voldemort being inside his head in the past, but ever since Voldemort had tried to possess him in the Ministry of Magic, right after his godfather died, Harry was now terrified it will happen again. And this time, he might not have the strength to fight back.

"Well?" Snape asked impatiently, still waiting for Harry's answer.

Harry sighed in defeat. "I just don't want to have any nightmares for once," he muttered, looking down at his hands. He was too embarrassed to look at Snape.

Snape didn't say anything for a while, letting Harry die a little inside of embarrassment, until the Professor finally said in an uncharacteristically soft voice, "Look at me, Potter."

Harry's face flushed red as he slowly raised his head to look at Snape.

The potions professor was standing with his back against the counter and his arms were folded against his chest. His face expression soften somewhat to Harry's surprise, and he found himself seeing a side of Snape that no student has ever seen. Snape looked like he was trying to be…, well, nice!

"If you're ever afraid to go to sleep, you can always come to me and I will help you in any way I can. I cannot give you a dreamless sleep potion all the time, but I can help you occlude your mind every night before bed, so that it can keep some of the nightmares at bay, along with the Dark Lord probing your mind when you are vulnerable. Don't ever be ashamed or embarrassed to come to me. After all that you've been through, it is quite understandable."

Harry wasn't sure what say to that, like he would ever go to Snape if he had trouble sleeping. He couldn't really trust the professor.

"Thank you, sir." Harry said stiffly. He didn't miss the frown on the professor's face and Harry knew Snape didn't buy it. He knew that Harry wasn't going to ask for help.

Snape, however, didn't say anything else. Only summoning a small bottle of dreamless sleep potion.

"Take one small sip," he ordered, handing it to Harry.

Harry did as he was told, then handed the bottle back to Snape.

"Get to bed now, Potter, I will wake you in the afternoon."

"Thank you, sir," Harry said, already feeling sleepy as he stood up and made his way over to his bedroom.

It wasn't long until Harry was under the covers and falling asleep. He never felt more comfortable and safe in his life. And he figured, it was because he was finally back at Hogwarts.

* * *

Severus sat down in his favorite arm chair in the living room and drank his second cup of tea that morning. He was feeling very drained from the events that happened and closed his eyes, hoping it would soothe his pounding headache that still hadn't gone away.

He just didn't know how he was going to be able to care for Potter. For the boy does not trust him at all..., he could see it all over Potter's face, when Severus offered to help him with his nightmares. That kid was like an open book when it came to his emotions. Severus just wished Potter can open up more, making it easier for him. Well..., at least Severus can count on Lupin to reach through to the kid. Severus decided to just feed the boy, make sure he wasn't cutting himself and hopefully help him occlude before going to bed. As for the rest, Lupin can deal with it, since Potter has decided to be uncooperative. Severus rubbed his forehead, trying not to stress as he opened his eyes and reached for the book he was reading the other night.

The flames in the fireplace suddenly blazed green, startling Severus and causing him to drop the book on the floor. He scowled and picked it up. He swore Albus Dumbledore always has the worse timing!

"Good Morning, Albus, I assume you've received my letter?"

"Ah, Severus, of course and Harry? Where is he?"

Severus gestured at the door to Potter's bedroom. "Asleep. He needs to heal and rest. I gave him some dreamless sleep potion. But tonight, I'm going to have him occlude before going to bed."

"How is Harry doing?" Albus asked with concern in his voice. "Was Petunia right to worry? You only mentioned you brought Harry back and to floo you when I had the chance."

"I wasn't expecting to hear from you so soon."

"Ah yes, funny actually, your owl and I seemed to have crossed paths."

"Potter is not doing so well, Albus," Severus said deciding to ignore the headmaster's explanation to why he was responding to his letter so quickly. "He hasn't slept, he hasn't been eating. He lost a concerning amount of weight. He had bruises around his neck, ribs and torso along with a cracked rib. The boy is afraid to sleep and also …," Severus sighed. "He is committing self-harm to himself. I saw the cuts on his left arm that Petunia mentioned in her letter to you."

"It is a good thing you brought him back, Severus, but why may I ask does he have a cracked rib and several bruises? Were you two attacked on the return journey?"

"There is one more thing you should know about," Severus went on ignoring the headmaster. He wasn't ready to get to that part yet about the abuse Potter suffered at the hands of his relatives. "The boy talks as if he has given up, like he has no fight left in him. He practically admitted that he sometimes thinks of him dying will be easier. He is practically suicidal! I hope you have gotten in touch with Lupin because this boy needs more help than I can give him. He needs someone who can listen and talk to him. I can't be that person to Potter. He does not trust me."

Albus suddenly looked years older. And Severus knew what the headmaster was about to tell him, couldn't be good news.

"I was about to contact Remus when I've received information from Alastor. He told me that the colony of werewolves Remus was spying on, was attacked by Death Eaters. Many werewolves were killed, many were also taken. Alastor sent some members of the Order to search through the bodies and the camp, but there was no sign of Remus. As of there is no news to his whereabouts in more than seventy-two hours, Remus is now confirmed missing."

All Severus could do was just stare at Albus in shock. "What do you mean missing? Where is he?!"

"We do not know, but the Order is working hard to recover the location of those Death Eaters as we speak."

"That could take weeks! Months!" Severus shouted, his heart racing in panic. "Potter doesn't have that much time! He needs that wolf!"

"Severus, why do you think I chose you to watch over Harry?"

"Because I was the only one available at the time," Severus muttered stiffly.

"No, because besides Remus, I trusted only you for this job. You do not know it yet, but you and Harry need each other. It is going to be hard at first, I know..., but it will get easier. Just reach out to Harry, you'll be okay, Severus."

"I brought Potter with me half beaten up by Dursley! Did you know he was being abused at that house?" Severus suddenly asked. He couldn't keep that question to himself any longer. It was burning in the back of his mind ever since he found out.

Albus was quiet for a while "I knew there was possibilities of neglect, but I never knew it had become physical," his blue eyes burned with an angry flame that Severus had only seen a couple of times.

"How did you even allow that? How did you not know about the physical abuse? Wasn't Figg supposed to be watching him?"

"Indeed yes, but Harry must had done a good job hiding his injuries. I assume Mrs. Figg never noticed the signs either. It makes sense as Harry has always been reserved and kept to himself."

Severus glared at the headmaster. He curled his hands into tight fists and the air became tense with his anger. How can Albus be so calm about this? Why wasn't he becoming angry as much as Severus was when he found out?

Albus paused and pierced him with his blue eyes "Severus, listen to me. At the time when Harry was a baby, I had no choice. Because of Petunia Dursley's blood wards, there was nowhere else that was safer for him. I had to do what was best for the boy, even if it meant that he wasn't going to grow up happy, for as long as he was safe from what was left of Voldemort and his followers, which was all that mattered."

"Well Potter isn't going back to that house! And do not worry about the blood wards! Petunia made sure the boy still had a place in her home before we left."

"Excellent! Then this is the safest place for Harry, he still has the blood wards along with the protection of the castle and you to watch over him. Don't worry, Severus, I promise Harry will never have to go back to his relatives again, only if you allow him to stay with you during the summer holidays, until we find a more suitable arrangement for him."

Severus scowled and nodded without saying a word as the headmaster disappeared. He couldn't believe this! He knew he shouldn't have relied on that wolf to take over caring for Potter! What was he even going to tell Potter about this? The news of the last of James Potter's friends, the last connection the kid had to his father, was missing or could even be dead!

Severus considered the idea of not telling the boy about the wolf going missing, but then what would he say to the questions that will soon pop up after weeks of Lupin not arriving? Severus could already feel his stress levels going up. No..., he was going to have to tell the boy. Even, if he was afraid how this was going to affect him.

Thinking he better check on Potter and make sure he was sleeping, Severus stood up from his armchair and quietly walked over to the child's bedroom door and opened it.

Potter was fast asleep with the covers half on the floor and his glasses hanging half off his face. Severus crept inside to not disturb the boy from sleep. He picked up the red covers and laid them back on him. He then took his glasses off his face and sat them on the night table.

Severus took a deep breath as he studied Potter's sleeping face. The child looked so peaceful, and he dreaded the news he was going to have to break to him once he woke up.

"Be strong, Potter, no matter what happens, I will be here for you," Severus promised.

**A/N: Next chapter we will find out where Moony is! =)**


	4. Chapter 4 Werewolf:Classified Dark Creat

**Chapter Four - Werewolf: Classified Dark Creature**

**Disclaimer: I do not own any of these characters or even the Beatles song "Blackbird".**

Remus tried not to fight the panic that was rising in his chest that was caused by being so closed in by a crowd of werewolves. The frighten group were all standing outside a small wooden run-down cottage that was hidden by wards and spells. Remus noticed the many Death Eaters surrounding the group and going in and out of the cottage. Remus tried to figure out where he was, there were nothing but large trees around as far as he can see. His sharp hearing due to his furry little problem could only pick up the forest sounds.

_We must be miles away from_ _civilization,_ Remus concluded.

This was a perfect place to keep a group of werewolves hostage. Remus' biggest concern, however, was the full moon next week. _Where are all these werewolves going to transform?_ _They aren't going to actually let all of them run wild?_ Sure there wasn't a witch or wizard in sight, but still it was dangerous.

"Budge up you lot!" a Death Eater shouted as he sent a stinging hex to the crowd of werewolves in the front.

Remus growled deeply under his breath. These Death Eaters were sadistic and evil! Remus had a feeling of what they were going to do them. They were probably going to recruit them to Voldemort's army. Remus had no intention on joining the dark side out of fear. He was going to fight until every last strength he had was gone.

"Some of these dark creatures look exceptional for the war, but some of them look too scrawny," one Death Eater was saying to another.

Remus couldn't tell who any of them were, due to the masks they were wearing, but their conversation confirmed Remus' fears to why they were brought here. Remus then took a closer look around the cottage. He noticed Death Eaters shooting spells at werewolves that have been here already. They looked as if they were practicing combat. Some were even dueling, Remus wondered how they managed that. For every Death Eater had an unfair advantage, none of the werewolves had wands.

There were also a group of kids who were forced to fight with one another. Remus watched as the smallest kid lunged on his training partner and started to viciously punch him in the face. No one moved to stop the fight. This was a training camp for werewolves set up by Voldemort's followers. Remus felt his heart break as he observed the children learning to fight in cold blood. They were the easiest to brainwash, making them believe they were nothing more than dark creatures.

Suddenly spells were shot straight to the group of werewolves Remus was with. Several Death Eaters surrounded the group and all started blasting the Cruciatus Curse, causing some of the werewolves to fall to the floor and scream. Remus dodge a spell that almost hit him in the side. He dropped to the floor, growling at how helpless he felt without his wand, for the Death Eaters had confiscated them all during the werewolves' capture.

Once the Cruciatus Curse was lifted off and the screams were silent, Remus heard a sadistic laugh that sounded more like a growl. He recognized that voice. Rage coursed through his blood stream, causing his inner wolf's hackles to rise. It was the werewolf that had destroyed Remus' life, the very reason why Remus was here in the first place.

Fenrir Greyback.

"Is this how you greet your leader?" Greyback snarled, as he trained his wand on the group of captured werewolves.

He walked through the crowd, surveying them through his yellow cold-blooded eyes.

"Avada Kedavra!" he suddenly shouted, when he reached a thin werewolf who was much older than Remus.

The others began to scream, they were, however, all kept from running away due to the Death Eaters surrounding them all with wands trained on them.

"Welcome to our training camp!" Greyback snarled. "If you are strong enough to survive this training we are so kindly giving to you, then I promise, you will be honored by the Dark Lord himself. But if you are a weakling…," he stepped in front of another werewolf, a female witch who was petite and nearing her fifties.

"Then I promise..., you will not survive," Greyback said slowly as he pointed his wand and shouted, "Avada Kedavra!"

The woman slumped to the floor. All the life in her had been zapped out from the deadly spell. This time nobody moved. They stood still and silent as they realized there was no escaping this, not without their wands at least.

Greyback surveyed the group of captured werewolves before he rounded a group of the biggest ones.

"Hemsworth! You're in charge of this group, take them to ring four! I want to see how well they know combat training."

The Death Eater named Hemsworth gathered up the indicated werewolves and led them to one of the fighting rings.

Greyback then started to separate the werewolves off with certain Death Eaters. Soon Remus noticed how small the group in front of the cabin was growing. Now there were only twenty of the captured werewolves left. Remus knew it wasn't going to be long now until Greyback noticed him.

Greyback surveyed the last of the werewolves, with Remus hoping he didn't see him, although, hoping was just pointless. Greyback's eyes stopped when they landed on Remus and he grinned in surprise. His teeth bared and his yellow evil eyes hardened.

"Remus Lupin," he growled. "Who would had known you'll end up here. What happen to your master Albus Dumbledore? Were you a bad little wolf to make him throw you out of the castle?" Greyback laughed.

Remus glared at him and balled his hands into a tight fist. He was trying to control the rage rising up at Greyback's insult.

"Ignore him," A small female werewolf standing next to him whispered. "He will kill you if you retaliate."

"I'm not going down as a coward!" Remus growled under his breath. He shoved himself forward, "I am no one's pet!" he shouted.

"Oh getting brave now are we?" Greyback snarled. "Macnair! Avery!" He shouted.

Two Death Eaters stepped forward from the training rings.

"Take this mutt to the cellar. I have a special treat for this one!" he chuckled.

The two Death Eaters stepped towards Remus without question. Remus stiffened as they came near him. He was ready for them. He ducked when Avery grabbed for him, kicking the Death Eater in the shin and causing him to trip. Remus took that chance and punched Avery in the nose. Macnair grabbed Remus by the arm and punched him hard in the stomach. Remus gasped for air and tried to ignore the pain as he tore his arm away from Macnair, and tried to punch him in the face, but he missed. Avery recovered from his blow and kicked Remus hard in the knee, causing him to fall. The Death Eaters grabbed him by both arms. Remus fought violently to get them off him, but their grip on him was tight.

Greyback stood right in front of Remus. The werewolf was so close to Remus, that he can see every pore, every eyelash, and can smell his putrid bloody breath as the werewolf growled, "tell me, Remus, where is your great Albus Dumbledore now? You should had joined me when you had the chance. You could had been great here! But now, you are going to suffer the consequences for betraying your family! Within minutes, you are going to be screaming for your death!"

"You will never be my family!" Remus shouted and lunged at Greyback, but he was pulled back by the two Death Eaters. Remus lost complete control as he viciously fought to free himself. Fortunately, he managed to punch Greyback's chin.

"Chain him up!" Greyback snarled before walking back to the remaining captured werewolves.

Avery spelled a silver collar around Remus' neck and wrists. The werewolf screamed in agony as the silver burned into his skin. He tried to stay standing, but he lost the feeling of his legs and sunk to the floor. The Death Eaters forced him up with a levitation spell and led his body into the cottage. Remus wasn't able to see what the inside look liked, the pain was too much as he screamed. Black spots covered his vison as they took him down into the cellar. The two Death Eaters took off the silver to Remus' relief, and replaced it with a metal collar that was chained to the wall. They threw him on the floor and left the cellar, laughing at Remus' pain.

Remus stayed where he was thrown. He couldn't move. Every inch of his skin on his neck and wrists burned. The metal collar around his neck choked him and it irritated the burn underneath. Remus never felt more like an animal as he did at that very moment. He was chained to a wall, taking away his pride and dignity.

Remus can hear the footsteps and the voices from upstairs. _How did this mission turn out so wrong?_ He was making progress, he was able to rally the colony of werewolves to fight against Voldemort and not give into the dark side. But once the camp was attacked, and the only survivors were taken along with Remus, the first thing they did was obey Greyback's commands out of fear. They never fought back and Remus knew his mission had failed. Now he had to find a way out of here. He wondered if there was any chance of escaping, if there was any hope of him being found by the Order. Remus groaned in pain once more and his mind began to lose consciousness.

_The fireplace was blazing with warm yellow and orange flames, heating up the room of requirement and giving it a soft glow. Remus never felt so comfortable and loved in his life as he snuggled into Sirius' chest. Sirius wrapped his arms tightly around Remus, kissing the top of his head. Remus was back at Hogwarts, their school robes hanging on the chair along with their book bags._

"_You have to go back, love," Sirius whispered in his ear. _

_Remus opened his eyes and held on tighter to his boyfriend. _

"_I don't know if I can, Sirius, it hurts too much. And you are not there. You are not there to tell me to keep fighting." _

"_I'll always be with you, Remus." Sirius lifted Remus' chin and pulled him into a deep, heartfelt kiss._

The flames in the fireplace suddenly died out. The room became cold and pain took over Remus' body. Someone kicked him hard in the ribs, causing Remus to open his eyes. He was staring up at the ceiling of the cellar. Death Eaters were looking down at him with their wands pointed at him.

Greyback stepped into the cellar, shoving the Death Eaters out of his way.

"Leave us," he ordered.

There was a sound of rushing footsteps and swishing of cloaks as they all left. Remus can hear them muttering about training schedules, and what the Dark Lord expects.

Remus glared at Greyback right in the eyes as he pulled himself slowly to a sitting position. The collar rubbed uncomfortably around his neck, agitating the burns. He wasn't afraid of Greyback.

"You look a lot like your father. Did I ever tell you that, Remus?" Greyback said once the cellar door was closed, along with two guards standing outside.

Remus didn't answer. He had nothing to say to the werewolf who changed his life completely.

"You were only four years old when I first saw you with him. The spitting image of your father, and I knew I had to have you. Yes, your father had done a great wrong to me and I used you to take back what he took. However, there was always something about you that drew me to you. I always felt like you were my …."

"I am not your son!" Remus snapped.

"Not in blood, but in creation you are my son, Remus Lupin. I created the wolf inside you. I made you who you are today. You are my son. We are family and you are going to stay in this cellar, until you have come to accept that!"

"And for what? So I can join your little training camp? Teach kids how to become cold-blooded murderers? Go to hell, Greyback!"

Greyback growled in anger, looking more like a savage wolf than man.

"Crucio!"

Remus screamed and fell to the floor, withering in pain. His muscles and nerves screamed. Everything was on fire, his bones, tendons and muscle, down to the nearest atom. Everything hurt!

_Everything..._

Remus tried to keep it together, but the longer the spell went on, he began to lose his mind. And he tried to hold on to what little was left, but it was so hard….

Suddenly, he remembered warm blue eyes. He focused on those blue eyes, and the black hair, and that boisterous laugh...

_Sirius... Sirius please stay…it hurts! Everything hurts!_

Remus cried out. Screaming in agony again and again as the spell was finally lifted. He laid on the floor drenched in sweat and unable to move.

Greyback walked around Remus' body, his cold eyes surveying him. The vicious werewolf knelt down next to Remus' head. His stink was so bad, full of sweat, dirt and blood.

Remus tried to hold his breath as the werewolf growled, "now tell me, Remus, what were you doing in the colony? You were never one to accept your fate and live with our kind. There has to be a reason to why you were there." Greyback pointed his wand directly into Remus' neck.

"I'm not telling you anything," Remus gasped in pain.

"Crucio!"

Remus screamed.

The pain started through his neck and traveled to every part of his body. He writhed and rolled over, his limps twitching from the agony Remus was in.

The curse was lifted.

"That should teach you a listen!" Greyback snarled. "Now tell me, son! Was it Dumbledore who sent you there?"

"Stop calling me your son!" Remus shouted as he rolled onto his back. He didn't care how many times Greyback was going to torture him. He wasn't going to betray Dumbledore.

Greyback pushed the hair out of Remus' face. "Stop running from your heritage, from your blood. If you tell me why you are with the colony, then maybe I will forgive you for your disloyalty."

Remus tore his face away from the werewolf's touch, causing Greyback to growl.

"If you refuse to tell me, maybe silver will convince you!"

"Macnair!" Greyback shouted. One of the guards opened the door.

"Yes, Fenrir?"

"Bring the branding rod Malfoy gave us from the Ministry," Greyback snarled. "It's time to teach this mutt a lesson. Also, bring Avery and Dolohov!"

Macnair grinned evilly at Remus, before he left the cellar to follow Greyback's orders.

"Let's see how brave and loyal you are to your doggy owner once we are through with you!" Greyback snarled.

"You don't get it do you, Greyback?" Remus snapped in irritation. "Whatever you do to me, won't work. I'm never going to be part of your family. I'm not going to betray Dumbledore. I'm never going to reveal anything to you, so you might as well just kill me!"

Greyback chuckled as Macnair entered the cellar once more, holding a black velvet bag with Avery and Dolohov right behind him.

"We are going to do more than just kill you, son." He gestured to Avery and Dolohov, "hold him down."

Before Remus had any time to react, the two Death Eaters pinned him down to the ground. Remus tried to fight them off but he was still so weak from being under the Cruciatus Curse several times.

Greyback ripped off his shirt and Remus growled in rage, his hazel-green eyes flashing with an amber colored fire as he twisted and kicked at the Death Eaters.

"Get off of me!" he shouted. "I'm not telling you bastards anything!"

"One more chance, Remus. Why were you with the colony?"

Remus stopped struggling. His body was beaten and he was out of breath. Dirt and sweat was smeared onto his skin. And all he could do to respond to the werewolf in front of him was to spit in his face. That was the most insulting thing Remus could manage to do, because he was showing disrespect to his supposed "family" in Greyback's eyes.

"You are going to regret that, mutt! Brand him," Greyback snarled in anger as he wiped Remus' spit off of his face.

Remus kicked out his feet and rolled his body over, forcing the Death Eaters to let go of him. Remus crawled away from them, but Macnair grabbed his leg and held him, as Dolohov grabbed the chain that was attached to the collar around his neck, and violently yanked him back to them. Remus choked as he felt his body flip onto the ground and dragged. He gasped for air as he put his hands around the collar, trying to breathe. The Death Eaters took their chance and forced him to lay on his back. Remus tried to get away, but it was three against one. Avery was pinning his arms to the floor above his head and Dolohov was pinning down his legs. Macnair pulled the rod out of its black velvet bag. Remus lifted up his head and saw that the end of the silver rod had the words:

**WEREWOLF**

**CLASSIFIED DARK CREATURE**

As soon as he read the words, Remus yelled in fury, trying to jerk his limbs away. The Death Eaters had to hold him down with more force.

"No!" Remus shouted.

He didn't want to think what they were going to do him. It was bad enough that no matter how much his best friends had convinced Remus in the past that he wasn't a dark creature, a monster..., Remus always had a small part of him believe he was. Now having that label branded into his skin will remain forever, reminding Remus every day that he wasn't human.

Remus screamed and twisted his body in desperation, trying to shake off Dolohov and Avery. Greyback snarled and kicked him hard in the ribs. Remus screamed as he felt a sharp pain shoot through his ribs, his chest and his heart. He couldn't breathe anymore. He panted trying to fight them off but his strength was ebbing away.

"This is what happens when you betray your family," Greyback snarled. "This is what happens when you turn your back on who you really are. I hope this reminds you, Remus, I hope that this will make you see the error of your ways."

"Incendio!" Macnair shouted, setting the end of the silver rod on fire so it can burn more into Remus' skin. The flames burned for a second before dying away leaving the silver rod hot and smoking.

Remus closed his eyes, waiting for the inevitable pain that was about to happen.

Remus at first felt the pressure on his chest, just right over his heart, and then...the pain came...

At first Remus tried not to scream, he didn't want to show his weakness to Greyback and the Death Eaters. He gritted his teeth and screamed internally instead. Sweat poured down his face, he tighten his eyes shut. His lip began to drip blood from biting down too hard on his lip, until he simply couldn't take it anymore. Remus let out a loud scream of agony. He tried to curl his body to protect himself but he was tightly restrained. The Death Eaters holding him down were laughing maliciously as they taunted him.

Remus could smell burnt skin and he knew it was from him, as they finally lifted up the silver rod. The smell made his stomach nauseas. He felt the bile rise up in his throat. He turned his head and threw up, practically choking on his vomit, causing the Death Eaters to finally release their hold on him. Remus turned his body over, retching again until his stomach was empty, and all he could do was gasp for air.

Remus rolled his body away from his vomit, curling himself into a tight ball. He opened his eyes but dark spots clouded his vision, so he closed them again. His head was swimming with pain and dizziness. He didn't want to look at what they had done. He didn't want to see the words that named him forever as a monster. The label they burned into his skin, right above his heart...

Remus could barely hear Greyback saying to the Death Eaters, "no food and water for the mutt until after the full moon. Let's see how far we can go to break him. If not, we will have to ask Snape for some Veritaserum to get him to talk."

The Death Eaters muttered their agreements as they all left the cellar, leaving Remus alone.

Remus closed his eyes and suddenly felt like he was floating, and the pain was gone, and nothing existed or even mattered anymore, until he lost himself to the comforting darkness.

_It was a bright, cool, sunny afternoon. It was the last week of Hogwarts for the sixth years. Term was finally ending, their exams were done and the four boys didn't have to worry about studying and homework, as they relaxed under their favorite tree near the Black Lake. James was skipping stones with Peter in the lake, their loud cheers breaking the peaceful silence every time the giant squid caught one of their stones._

_Remus was reading one of his dad's old books. Without having to study, he finally had time to read for pleasure. Sirius was strumming an old muggle guitar that he had bought in London last summer._

"_Come on, Remus, it's the end of school! Get your wolfy nose out of that book and pay attention to your friends!" Sirius joked._

_Remus rolled his eyes. His friends were all idiots, but then, what would he do without their support. They were his family. The closest thing he had to brothers, since he was an only child._

"_Hey, Moony, can we sleep over at your house this summer?__ Like last year?" James asked excitedly, as he threw himself on the ground next to Remus. Peter followed shortly behind him and sat near James._

"_No! You guys destroyed my mum's juicer, the toaster and the microwave!" Remus shouted in annoyance. "I don't even think she has forgiven you guys for that yet."_

_As the only one who had a muggle mother in the group, the boys found Remus' house to be the most interesting with all the muggle appliances they've never seen._

"_Aww, Moony! But your house is fun!" James complained as he began to play with his snitch._

"_I thought we were all sleeping over at your house, James, since Sirius is going home with you." Remus said as he marked his page and closed his book. He slapped Sirius' hand away who was trying to hide the book away from Remus' reach._

_Just then a group of girls passed by them and James' face went all mushy. Remus guessed Lily Evans just passed by._

"_I'll be right back!" James grinned and was gone before Sirius could laugh at his face expression._

"_I'm going with him!" Peter shouted over his shoulder, jumping up and running after James. "Before he says anything stupid to Evans," leaving Sirius and Remus alone._

_Remus rolled his eyes at his friends' antics and laid his back down on the grass, using his book bag as a pillow._

"_Can you imagine the kids James and Evans will have if they ever got hitched?" Sirius laughed. _

"_I don't see that happening," Remus laughed. "Prongs can't say two words to Lily before he starts blubbering like an idiot."_

"_Yeah but just imagine it, Remus, a little James running around with Evans' brains! That would be something to see!" Sirius laughed out loud. _

_Remus stomach fluttered with butterflies. That laugh always made him smile, no matter what. _

_Sirius began strumming his guitar once more._

_Remus turned his head and looked up at Sirius. "What are you playing there, my love?"_

"_Oh nothing, just some song I heard you listening too when we were at your house last summer."_

"_Sing it," Remus smiled. _

"_You don't know what you're asking for, Moony, my voice is pretty screechy," Sirius feigned seriousness._

"_I've known you for six years, I'm pretty sure I'm used to your screechy voice by now," Remus laughed._

"_Okay, I warned you," Sirius smiled as he began to play a familiar melody on his guitar._

"_**Blackbird singing in the dead of night**_

_**Take these broken wings and learn to fly**_

_**All your life you were only waiting for this moment to arise**_

_**Blackbird singing in the dead of night**_

_**Take these sunken eyes and learn to see**_

_**All your life you were only waiting for this moment to be free**_

_**Blackbird fly**_

_**Blackbird fly**_

_**Into the light of the dark black night**_

_Remus sighed, and stared up at the tree branches where he can see patches of blue sky and fluffy white clouds. He had never felt so safe and happy here at Hogwarts with his best friends, with Sirius, the love of his life. Remus wished that this day, this moment, can last forever and he didn't have to go home and face his dad's shame for what he was. If only Remus could just stay here, and listen to Sirius' voice. Remus closed his eyes and sighed contently, as his boyfriend's voice filled his soul and lifted up his spirit._

_**Blackbird fly **_

_**Blackbird fly**_

_**Into the light of the dark black night**_

_Remus suddenly felt himself drifting off. The cool air from the lake blew over them, ruffling their hair. It felt refreshing to Remus, like he was ready for the summer of rest. The last summer of his youth. The last thing he heard was Sirius' song, as he fell asleep with a content smile on his face._

_**Blackbird singing in the dead of night**_

_**Take these broken wings and learn to fly**_

_**All your life you were only waiting for this moment to arise**_

_**You were only waiting for this moment to arise**_

_**You were only waiting for this moment to arise."**_

**A/N: So if any you readers were wondering, the italics were flashbacks of Remus when he was unconscious. The song Sirius sang which was "Blackbird" by the Beatles is in bold italics because he was singing it to Moony. I hope you enjoyed this chapter or maybe not… it was really hard to write this. Poor Moony! :( Anyways I hope you readers review! I'm now working on chapter five its halfway finished:) **

**and before i go this is a special acknowledgement to Lupinesence for being my first reviewer thank you!:D**


	5. Chapter 5 Broken Promises

**Chapter Five - Broken Promises**

It had been three days since the rescue of Potter at his relatives' house and the news of Lupin becoming missing. Severus had wanted to tell the boy but he couldn't figure out the right time to tell him or even how. It was hard because Severus knew if he told Potter about the wolf, then it will cause the boy a lot of emotional stress.

The past three days hadn't been exactly easy for Severus either. He swore that kid lived only for the purpose to irritate him. Ever since Potter arrived, all they've done was argue over everything, and Severus meant everything!

He could also tell Potter was itching to cut himself. He could see it in the way Potter rubbed his hands when he was stressed or angry, or how he looked around the room when he thought Severus wasn't watching; trying to find something to inflict harm to himself. Severus then realized he was going to have to keep a closer eye on him. He didn't even know how he was going to start up the subject of Potter's abuse or why he was suicidal when the kid had decided to become an uncooperative brat.

Severus sipped his cup of strong tea and turned a page of the Daily Prophet he was reading. There was still no sign of Lupin. Albus floo called him yesterday, saying the Order still haven't found any leads. Snape knew it was turning into a fruitless search so he might as well get on with telling the boy.

And speaking of uncooperative brats, Potter made his way to the kitchen and sat down looking grumpy. Severus flicked his wand mentally saying, _Accio Potter's breakfast,_ sending a bowl of cereal in front of the boy.

"How did you sleep?" he asked as he turned another page of the Daily Prophet.

Severus knew the brat was still having trouble sleeping, so he decided to start up Occlumency at night again. They did it the first night Potter was here but after all the arguments they had lately, Severus stopped helping him.

"Fine," the boy mumbled as he slowly ate his cereal.

"How about we try occluding tonight?" Severus knew the boy was lying. He could tell by the dark circles under his eyes that he was obviously not getting enough sleep.

"No, I'm fine, sir, I've been sleeping," Potter muttered before abandoning his food.

"Potter, I can tell that you haven't been sleeping. You look dead on your feet!" Severus snapped. "No matter what you say, we are doing Occlumency tonight and that is my final word."

"Blimey..., okay," Potter rolled his eyes, and Severus seriously lost it.

"Get out!" he shouted.

"I didn't do anything!" Potter looked at him with wide eyes.

"Yes, you know very well what you did! I've had enough with your attitude for the past three days and if I get any more eye rolling from you, I swear I'm going to hex you all the way back to your bloody relative's house! Go to your room!" Severus yelled.

As soon as the words left his mouth, Severus instantly regretted them.

_I went to too far! _he thought in frustration.

Potter was staring at him in horror at the thought of Severus taking him back to his relatives.

Severus reached an arm towards him, "look, Potter, I didn't mean what I…."

"You promised yesterday!" Potter shouted getting up from his chair and stepping away from Severus.

"You said I didn't have to go back!"

"Potter, I didn't mean it! It was out of anger!"

The boy didn't listen he turned and ran to his room, slamming his door shut behind him.

Severus swore loudly, throwing his newspaper on the table.

* * *

Harry slammed the door shut. He couldn't believe Snape would do this! He knew he couldn't trust that greasy git! Harry knew this was all just a scheme he cooked up. This whole time Snape was only trying to gain Harry's trust by rescuing him from the Dursleys, just so he can take him back there, as if this was all a sick joke to him!

Harry paced the room. _I have to get out of here!_ he thought. Staying in Snape's quarters for the past three days was driving him mad. Harry turned and suddenly kicked his night table, only resulting in bruising his toe.

Harry swore and sat down on his bed. He then barely realized that he was scratching his arm. He hadn't been very successful in finding anything to cut himself with. Harry tried to stop like Snape wanted him too but because of the arguments and stress going on in the past three days, he gave up trying.

He also tried to be good and keep out of the way, but it was hard when Snape was always there breathing down his neck and yelling at him for every little thing!

Harry scratched harder at his left arm, welcoming the pain. Pain was the only thing he could control lately. Sometimes he just wished he can forget everything. All the pain he felt inside, and all of the people who had gotten hurt from protecting him, the people he had lost. It was just too much to bear, and he was tired of the heavy weight he felt on his shoulders, due to the prophecy he had recently learned in the end of his fifth year...after Sirius died.

Harry forced the thoughts of his godfather in the back of his mind as he scratched even harder. The pain was so comfortable. It calmed him down, and he didn't notice his bedroom door open until it was too late.

"Potter?" Snape's voice sounded and before Harry could hide his arm, Snape entered the room. Feeling guilty, Harry pulled down his sleeve, but it was too late. Snape glared at him and in two quick strides he was standing in front of him. The Professor rolled up Harry's sleeve, revealing the dark red scratches on his arm.

"It seems like I'm not the only one who broke a promise," Snape drawled. His cold black eyes pierced Harry, and he forced himself not to squirm under the intense stare.

Harry tried to pull his arm away but Snape held on making him panic.

Flashbacks flashed in his mind of Uncle Vernon grabbing him by the arm, getting ready to swing a punch at him. Snape lifted his hand and Harry flinched, covering his head with his right arm.

"Potter," Snape said quietly. "Look at me, child."

Harry was too afraid. He was afraid that Snape was going to punish him like Uncle Vernon for scratching up his arm.

"Look at me," Snape muttered again as he let go of his arm.

Harry snatched it away, and kept it close to his chest. He could feel his face flushing red in shame. He knew it was too good to last. Not only was Snape going to take him back, but he was going to punish him, and Harry knew he deserved it. He knew he deserved to be punished for the way he had been acting. Like an ungrateful freak who took up all of Snape's time.

Still refusing to look at Snape, he heard the professor sigh in frustration and sat down next to him on the bed. Harry felt his body tense, not trusting the man at all.

"I am not your uncle, Potter," Severus said quietly "I'm not going to hit you for doing something you cannot help. It was wrong of me to assume you will automatically stop hurting yourself. Now look at me so I can show you what I was going to do."

He peeked through his fringe of black hair at the Potions Professor. Snape was frowning down at him. Harry sighed, turning to look at him directly with caution. Snape raised his hand, causing Harry to flinch a little. Harry hoped the Potions Professor didn't see it, but unfortunately he did, because he paused before reaching his hand into the folds of his robes and pulled out his wand.

"Accio healing balm," Snape summoned. The little jar zoomed into Harry's room and placed itself onto Snape's hand.

"Let me see your arm," Snape asked.

Harry glared at him with mistrust, "I don't need any healing, sir."

Not only did Harry not trust Snape's intentions, but also he didn't want to get rid of the burning pain caused by his deep scratches. He wanted to keep feeling it. For it dulled the pain he was feeling inside. The pain in his heart that forced him to go through the motions of everyday life, not caring at all about anything. Harry honestly couldn't remember the last time he felt really happy. He just wanted his life to be over, it was too much to bear. And he was angry that he got screwed over. He could've had so much if it wasn't for that damn prophecy!

Suddenly his grief for Sirius overwhelmed him, and he tried not let the tears come out. He was just sick of being sad all the time, and the only person who could had helped Harry was gone forever, just like his parents.

* * *

Severus could see the mistrust in Potter's green eyes, so he chose his next words carefully.

"Potter, stop being ridiculous. You do need to be healed. Those scratches are deep. I have to heal them now," Severus said with great control over his temper. He was trying very hard to not yell at Potter, because he knew it was just going to make things worse.

Anger for the boy's uncle was surging through him. Severus could see how traumatized Potter really was even though the boy hid it very well.

_Why didn't I never notice!_ He berated himself. He taught the boy for six years! He knew the signs and what to look for! Severus was an abused child himself, and he dealt with several cases of abused children in his Slytherin house during his years at Hogwarts. Severus should had known at least during Potter's first or second year that something was wrong.

Again guilt settled heavily in his heart. For Severus knew that his hate blinded him from seeing the mask Potter hid behind for six years.

Severus glared down at Potter who was still refusing to give him his scratched up arm. The boy was looking down at his feet, his cheeks were red in probably embarrassment or anger. Severus sighed. If only Lupin were here to help this child, or perhaps even that mutt Black. Potter needs someone who he knows cares about him. The child was not willing to trust or accept Severus, making things harder. Severus then realized that if Lupin wasn't going to be around, then he was going to have to be patient, and show the boy that he did care. Maybe that will help break the walls that Potter seemed to have built up around him.

Severus decided to apologize to Potter about earlier, and then maybe he will let him heal his arm. What they both needed right now was a heart to heart, an understanding of each other if things were ever going to work out, so Potter can heal and talk about his depression, the abuse, and his self-harming problem.

"I know you do not trust me, Potter, and I completely understand why. I know I've misjudged you unfairly, and I've shown you nothing but hate and dislike in the past. Now, however, you must understand that we are in dangerous times with the Dark Lord coming back. Right now is not a time to be angry and fighting. You are here for not only your safety, but so I can help you, so let me help you."

"You said I didn't have to go back to the Dursleys yesterday morning," Potter accused as he finally looked at Severus. "So why should I let you help me? I was right to not trust you. Just like how I know I could never trust Aunt Petunia or Uncle Vernon and not even Professor Dumbledore!"

Potter's words confirmed Severus' feeling in his heart that the boy had trouble trusting not just him but all the adults in his life. Severus can remember himself having the same problem as a child. It was common for most abused children.

"You were right not to trust me in the past, but maybe it is time to let your guard down, Potter," Severus said. "Think about it, if I really wanted to murder you or hand you over to the Dark Lord, do you think I would've had done that already?"

Potter didn't say anything, he just gave Severus a disbelieving look.

"I know what I said earlier about your relatives was wrong. I also do not mean to take you back there. I was just angry, and I promise you I'm going to work on my temper and be more patient with you. And in time, I hope you will learn to trust me."

Potter's eyes were now trained on the floor again, but Severus knew the boy was thinking about what he said. Severus didn't press him to say anything in return. He just waited in silence, giving the boy as much time as he needed to think.

* * *

_Don't trust him no matter what he says!_ Were the words going on in Harry's mind as he thought about what Snape just told him.

_Don't trust him! Don't trust anyone but Ron and Hermione, your best friends who always stuck behind you through everything! Don't trust Snape!_

But Snape sounded so sincere with his apology and the words he had said. It seemed like Snape was trying to apologize for not just earlier, but for the six years of hell he had given him. Snape seemed to want to start over with their relationship, but should Harry take that chance?

The last time he considered trusting someone who hated him was with Aunt Petunia, before Harry realized that it was a mistake. He just couldn't trust adults.

Harry unknowingly began to rub his left arm as he stressed over what he was going to do. If he was willing to talk to Snape and trust him, then it would be easier living with him. But what if this was still a trick Snape was doing? Then Harry would be the naïve kid who gets hurt again.

_What should I do?_ he wondered.

A hand rested on his right arm. Harry flinched at the hand, until he looked up and realized it was Snape. And Harry became aware of what he was doing to himself.

_What is wrong with me?_ He thought as he look at his scratched up arm. _Why does Snape even want me? Uncle Vernon and Aunt Petunia were right. I'm just a freak who hurts himself, and is more trouble than he's worth._

"Just heal me please," Harry whispered. He still didn't want to be healed, but he relented so he can just get rid of Snape. His heart was feeling heavy, and he just wanted to curl up in his bed and forget about the world, and simply stop living.

"Hold out your arm," Snape instructed in a weary voice. It seemed like the Professor knew what Harry was thinking, that Harry just wasn't ready to trust him yet.

Harry held out his arm and let Snape rub the healing balm on it. His scratches immediately healed without leaving any scars, as they weren't as deep as the cuts Snape healed before.

"I'm not going to press you any more on the matter of you learning to trust me and opening up. Unfortunately for you, however, I'm going to have to come down on you harder when it comes to you self-inflicting harm onto yourself. I'm going to put a spell on your hands to prevent you from scratching yourself, as I'm aware that you can't help it, for it is done unconsciously while you are upset."

Harry nodded, not caring anymore. It was like he had no control or say in anything that involved him. His life was being controlled by others all the time, and he was sick of it. He had no fight left in him. And so Harry decided to let Snape do the spell, if only so Snape could just leave his room.

"It is a simple spell that mothers use for their infants to keep them from scratching themselves," Snape explained, as he waved his wand over Harry's hands and muttered the incantation. Harry's nails glowed a soft pink for a moment and then turned to normal. His hands didn't feel any different. Harry tried to test the spell by scratching, but no matter how hard he scratched his skin, he couldn't leave a mark.

"I see it works," Snape said. "That should help you for now, and when I think you're ready I will lift it."

Harry nodded, "thank you, sir, can I start doing my homework now? I have a really nasty transfiguration essay to do for Professor McGonagall." Harry had no intention however on doing homework. He was just giving Snape a hint that he wanted to be left alone.

"Not yet. I actually have to discuss an important issue with you concerning Lupin."

"Do you know when he is coming?" Harry asked, all thoughts of getting Snape out of his room quickly vanishing.

"I am not going to soften the blow for you, for I feel like it will just make things sound worse for you. I know you're made of stronger stuff unlike Professor Dumbledore who will hide things from you. Lupin is not coming," Snape said in an uncharacteristically gentle voice. He put his hand on Harry's shoulder. Harry would had shaken it off but he really wanted to know what had happened to Remus.

"What do you mean he isn't coming? You said he was going to come and get me!"

"Potter, before I say anymore, I just want to let you know that you have a place here in my quarters. I know we have been arguing a lot and it does not seem like your welcome here at times; but just know that what I'm about to tell you does not mean you are going back to your relatives house."

Harry nodded whatever Snape was going to tell him about Remus couldn't be good then.

"Professor, did Remus..., did he get killed on his mission?" Harry choked out, already thinking of the worse.

"Not necessarily. Professor Dumbledore recently informed me that during Lupin's mission, the base that he was residing at was under attack by Death Eaters. He has been missing ever since."

Harry gaped at Snape in shock; he couldn't believe what he was hearing. _Remus was missing?_ He could be hurt or dead, and they don't even know it!

"What is Professor Dumbledore doing about this?" Harry asked. "Are they looking for him?"

Panic was rising in his chest, and more than anything he wanted to run out of his room and look for Remus himself. Remus was the last Marauder, the last of his father's friends. Harry wasn't ready to lose him too.

"He has the Order looking for him, since the Ministry won't even bat an eyelash on the case of a missing werewolf."

"But that isn't right! Why are they so prejudice against werewolves? They are human most of the time!"

"I know, Potter, but some people are just ignorant on things they don't understand, or are too afraid to understand, like werewolves for instance. They just brand them as dark creatures, no questions asked. There are a lot of prejudices going on in the Ministry, and not just werewolves are suffering because of it."

Harry nodded thinking of Hermione's badges to free the house elves.

"Does the Order have any leads yet?"

Snape shook his head. "Again, there is no point in sheltering you from the truth, so no. There are no leads on where Lupin might be. It is like he just vanished. Professor Dumbledore thinks our only hope is that where ever the Death Eaters took him, they will summon me for Veritaserum or dark potions."

Harry let the words sink in. Snape was practically telling him that Remus was good as dead with no leads, except he might be at the hands of Death Eaters. Death Eaters who followed Voldemort; someone who wasn't known for mercy. He had to do something to help in the search for Remus. Maybe if Voldemort gave him a vision involving the werewolf, Harry could find out where he is. Harry decided he was going to have to convince Snape to change his mind about doing Occlumency tonight. Even if it meant Harry's lack of sleep; he'll do anything to find Remus.

"Are you alright, Potter? I know this changes things and you are most likely going to have to reside here all summer. This is your home too, even if our differences and animosity towards each other makes it difficult."

Harry looked up at the Professor. Again he was shocked at the change of attitude in Snape. Snape always hated Harry, and now all of a sudden he'd been acting like he cared lately.

_He probably pities me…, but he told me the truth about Remus. He didn't keep it from me or soften the blow._

_Maybe I can trust him a little at least…. _

But then flashes of Uncle Vernon choking Harry flashed in his mind. Flashes of Aunt Petunia not caring enough to stop her husband. Also of Sirius passing away in the veil and leaving Harry. Dumbledore telling Harry about the prophecy, and the anger Harry felt at the headmaster for lying to him for years. And now Remus was gone..., the one adult left that Harry was counting on.

No, he couldn't trust Snape, not ever. So he built his wall back up to protect his heart. Harry was tired of getting hurt.

"Potter, say something," Snape said gently squeezing his shoulder.

Harry sighed and stopped scratching his arms. There were no marks on his skin due to the spell. He really needed to cut. It was too much emotion and pain all in one morning.

"I'm fine, Professor. I just need to be alone," he muttered.

Snape nodded. He gave Harry's shoulder one last squeeze before getting up from the bed. "I'll be in my potions lab if you need me."

Harry nodded, not looking at Snape as the Professor left the room.

_What am I going to do now?_ Harry thought.

He tried to scratch harder but he couldn't tear open his skin. Anger and frustration towards Snape raced through his veins. He hated Snape! Why did the Professor have to bring him here? Why did he have to bring Harry's hopes up with the promise that Remus was going to take Harry in, and then shatter him with the truth? Remus was missing, another adult leaving. And Harry was left here again.

* * *

_I've informed the child about the missing whereabouts of his pet dog. He took it well, considering his emotional state. However, I'll be keeping a close eye on him. I'm going to take your request and keep the child here for the summer._

Severus made the letter as vague as possible just in case it was intercepted. He rolled it up and tied it to the Hogwarts owl's leg.

"Take this to Albus Dumbledore. Do not let anyone else open it," he muttered before the owl took off.

As Severus made the long walk from the owlery back to his potions lab, he wondered about the possibilities of getting Potter to trust him. The talk he had with him didn't get through to the boy. He could still see Potter was unwilling to let him in and talk about his depression and the abuse. Maybe if they spent time out of the castle it will bring them closer together, like maybe a camping trip...

Severus remembered going camping with his dad as a young child, before his dad became abusive. They've always seemed to grow closer after each trip. It was one of those moments Severus will always cherish as a happy childhood memory.

_This has to work,_ Severus thought. At this point, he'll try anything to get that child to open up. He wasn't going to let Potter continue to wallow in his depression. The boy was killing himself slowly, and Severus was determined to prevent it.

Instead of going to his potions lab, Severus decided to go to his office and make plans for the trip. He decided the Forest of Dean will be his safest bet. If he put up wards around them and spells to keep them hidden, it shouldn't be a problem. He just hoped Albus will agree to this.

**A/N: I am so glad I'm getting so many followers and favorites. Thank you guys! I hope you liked my idea of camping for Harry and Sev. I figured Harry needs something like a spiritual retreat to come to terms with the loss of Sirius. Plus it's a great opportunity for them to bond. Next chapter will be about moony! :)**

**P.S. If there are any grammar mistakes I'm sorry I didn't have a lot of time to re-read it several times to catch them before I posted this. I really tried though, so if there is don't yell at me!:(**

**P.P.S. Please review! The lack of reviews is slightly discouraging me. I want to know what my readers are thinking about my fanfic. **


	6. Chapter 6 Human or Monster

**Chapter Six - Human or Monster**

**A/N: So this is also three days later from the last chapter that was about Moony. I want the two story lines to be in sync when it comes to time.**

The full moon was in four days. Remus curled himself tighter into a ball to suppress the wave of hunger pains in his stomach. Ever since that day Greyback had the Death Eaters brand the label onto his chest, Remus had hardly moved; only getting up for the restroom which was a pot in the corner.

Remus licked his dry lips. Everything hurt. His ribs and chest screamed in pain every time he took a breath. His muscles were sore from being under the Cruciatus Curse every night for the past three days. Greyback was trying everything he can to get him to talk, but Remus wouldn't give in. Now the night of the full moon was looming closer, Remus could feel his body weakened. He spent most of his time sleeping to save his strength but he still wasn't strong enough. He needed food, water and medical attention. Remus was afraid that this full moon was going to be so bad for him to the point that it might be the last.

Remus could hear the voices and activity going on throughout the training camp as if he were there himself. Due to the full moon all of his senses were sharpened. He can smell the blood from the wounds of his fellow werewolves. He can see the walls of the cellar surrounding him with a sharper vision. His werewolf side growled within him at the prospect of being let out soon. Remus suppressed his inner wolf. He couldn't lose control, not now when he was a prisoner.

The sound of the door opened. Remus didn't dare move a muscle. He didn't want to think about who was behind him; or what they planned to do to him.

"Get up, wolf!" the voice of Dolohov sounded. "Greyback wants you to earn your keep around here." He kicked Remus hard in the thigh. "You're going to be the punching bag for our wolf cubs!" the Death Eater laughed as he kicked Remus' back.

Remus sat up quickly aggravating the pain in his ribs; and his strained muscles screamed but he didn't care. He was more worried at the thought of having to fight with children.

"No, I am not doing that. You can tell Greyback that I refuse to fight with children. And if he has a problem with that, then he can go …."

Remus didn't finish his sentence, for Dolohov pointed his wand and shouted, "Crucio!"

Remus dropped to his hands and knees, gritting his teeth in pain. The wolf inside him was howling to be let out, so it can fight back and attack its enemy, but Remus would not lose control. He would not show these monsters that he was nothing but an animal.

"Guards!" Dolohov shouted as the curse lifted. "Call Macnair and Avery, tell them to bring the silver chains! The wolf isn't cooperating!"

Remus slowly looked up at Dolohov, still on his hands and knees with the metal collar around his neck. At the mention of the silver chains, the wolf shone in his hazel-green eyes and he lost control.

Remus growled loudly. His face looked more wolf than man as he suddenly jumped on Dolohov, knocking down the Death Eater. Remus pinned him to the ground, ripped off his mask, revealing his stinking, bloody, face and started punching the Death Eater.

Dolohov yelled out in pain and tried to point his wand at him. Remus was just about to wrap his hand around the wand, when someone shouted, "Impedimenta!" Remus was flown off of Dolohov,and straight into the stone cellar wall; knocking the breath out of him.

"What do we have here?" Macnair snarled. "The little wolfy has decided to play with us?"

"You can't make me do this! Those are children!" Remus growled.

Remus' green eyes were now flecked with gold. The color betrayed the wolf, who was winning the fight to take over. Remus thought about his father and how disappointed he would be in him. After years of teaching him to never let the wolf surface, to never allow the amber eyes of the wolf gleam in his own; and most importantly, no matter how upset he was or how near the full moon was, Remus always had to be in control. Now, he had no choice but to give in.

_Forgive me Dad…._

Remus growled as he stood up quickly. The wolf was taking over him once more, lending him strength as he threw himself at the Death Eaters. He swung a punch at Macnair, who dodged and pushed him to the ground. Remus got himself up and knocked the Death Eater down by kicking him in the back of his knees. Macnair lost his balance and Remus was on top him. He started punching him in the face, until Macnair managed to shake him off.

Their fight became vicious as they rolled on the floor. Remus was now more wolf than man as he fought tooth and nail with his enemy. Then Avery interfered and shouted, "Impedimenta!"

Remus was thrown off of Macnair and slammed into the wall again. He lost his breath and laid there for a few moments. Now he was sure his ribs weren't just cracked but broken. He couldn't breathe, and it hurt so much. The Death Eaters took their chance and flipped him on his back. Remus fought them again; for no matter how much pain he was in, Remus was a fighter.

"Get the cuffs on his wrists, Dolohov. I'll put the collar on him!" Avery shouted.

Macnair held down Remus' legs and laughed, "no matter how hard you fight, wolf, you will never beat us. You're nothing but a troublesome animal. A few more days of this and you won't be fighting anymore."

Remus screamed as the silver touched his already burnt skin around his wrists. He thrashed his head around to keep them from putting the silver collar around his neck.

"Why don't we just spell it on him?" Dolohov asked. "It will make things a lot easier for us."

"No, Greyback insisted we do it ourselves. He wants to beat all of the fight out of it," Macnair answered.

Remus growled at the word "It".

His heart seemed to have constricted. To hear yourself referred to as an "it", not a person, not a human being, was one of the hardest things to hear.

Avery held down Remus' head as Dolohov let go of his burning wrists to take off the metal collar and replace it with the silver one. The silver immediately burned Remus' sensitive burnt skin, making him scream as he tried to use his hands to lift it up from his throat, but they were cuffed with silver.

Remus couldn't move and he tried to twist his body. His strength to fight was caused by pure adrenaline along with the wolf, but now the wolf was wounded, the adrenaline running out, and Remus was left gasping for air. With no food or water and unhealed wounds, also with the full moon in four days, Remus couldn't fight anymore. So he stopped fighting and let the Death Eaters stand him up. He let them lead him out of the cellar, out of the cabin and out to the training area where Remus can see the kids waiting for him.

The werewolf kids were all standing around their training area. It was a large wooden fence shaped in a large circle. The ground was just hard compact dirt littered with stones. Remus narrowed his eyes as he scanned the group of kids. There were probably about ten to fifteen kids that all seemed to be between eleven to seventeen years old. Most of the younger and smaller ones were covered in wounds and bruises. Their faces wore hard expressions, and they narrowed their eyes at the newcomer.

_They are already corrupt…, Merlin, help me!_ Remus desperately pleaded. If one of these kids were hurt because of him, he would never forgive himself.

"Gather around, wolf cubs!" Greyback snarled as he shoved his way from behind Remus and the Death Eaters. "This is what happens when you betray one of your own. Without us you are nothing but an animal, a filthy stupid animal who has no right to exist. So let this be a lesson to all of you, and I hope you learn to never make the same mistake that this creature has made! Is that clear?" Greyback shouted.

"Yes, sir!" the teens all shouted in fear. They all looked away from Remus, refusing to catch his eye. Remus wondered if they actually believed what Greyback just said, or they were too afraid to stand up to him.

Remus had to give everything he had to not fall. The silver was burning intensely into his skin. He could smell the scent of burnt flesh and blood coming off of him. Greyback growled as he stood next to Remus, managing to keep away from the silver chains.

"I warned you, mutt! If you hadn't chosen that doggy owner of yours over your family, you could had been the one training your young brothers and sisters!"

"I am not your family!" Remus said hoarsely. Sweat was dripping down his forehead, his body was shaking. He glanced at the children who were gaping at the brand on his chest, for he was no longer wearing a shirt.

Greyback noticed what the kids were looking at. "Show me your loyalty, wolf cubs, by showing me how well you can fight this traitor!"

Greyback spelled the silver wrist cuffs and collar off, "throw him in the fence!" he ordered.

The Death Eaters threw Remus inside the fence, locking the door shut behind them. Remus tried to force it open, but it was no use. No way was he going to fight these children, even if they were all werewolves!

The wolf inside him howled to be let out, but Remus remained in control. He refused to fight, even if a kid attacked first then would he only use defensive moves on them. It was the only tactic Remus could think of.

The first opponent was a tall fifteen or sixteen year old boy. He had black hair and his eyes were a complete amber color. Remus can tell that the wolf dominated the child. The boy circled around him, snarling as he sized him up. Remus could tell the boy was figuring out a way how to attack first. Remus didn't do anything but crouch in a defensive stance.

The boy threw himself at him, but Remus was ready for him. He dodged the boy, making sure the whole time that the boy was in his line of vision. The boy circled him again. He seemed more wolfish than man right now as he eyed Remus with his amber eyes, snarling his teeth at him. The boy jumped again and tried punching Remus in the face. Remus blocked the boy's hand with his own and pushed him to the ground.

"You don't have to do this!" Remus growled at him.

"Come on, Randy!" one of the werewolf children shouted from behind the wooden fence.

"Show that stinky traitor what you're made of!" another shouted.

_Bloody hell!_ Remus thought as the kid attacked him again.

Remus dodged him but did not move in time. The boy was on him in a second. Remus who was already so weak from his injuries and burns couldn't keep his balance and he fell against the wooden fence. The boy punched his face and bit down on his shoulder. He was so lost from under the control of his wolf, that the boy was fighting more like a wolf than a man. Remus wondered if these were the fighting moves Greyback was teaching them.

Remus tried to shake the boy off, but the kid bit down harder.

"Get off me!" Remus shouted. "Trust me, you don't want me to fight you!"

Randy growled and said nothing, only biting down harder until Remus smelled blood. It was his own, and he can feel the sticky trail flow down his skin and onto the dusty ground.

"I said enough!" Remus shouted.

Maybe it was the smell of Remus' own blood or how wildly the child was fighting that gave him the strength to push the boy off of him.

Randy fell a good foot away from him. Once the clouds of dirt cleared away, Remus can see the child laying on the ground unmoving. Remus couldn't tell if the boy was okay. He felt his face turn white at the possibility of the child being seriously hurt or dead.

"No!" Remus moaned struggling to his feet. The children were all gasping at Randy. The older ones glaring at Remus with amber eyes and bared teeth. Remus knew he had made an enemy of himself.

Greyback jumped over the fence with Macnair right behind him to inspect the teen.

"He's just knocked out," Macnair muttered.

They both picked Randy up by the arms, with his legs dangling in the dirt. They carried him out of the gate to a wizard that was running towards them. Remus guessed he was their Healer, because the man started to run diagnostic spells before levitating Randy to the cabin.

Remus couldn't believe he hurt a child. Of all the times someone called him an animal or a monster, Remus tried not to believe that. Even during the past few days when he was chained up like an animal, Remus managed to hold on to that knowledge that he was a human. He managed it by remembering his friends at his time at Hogwarts, and the times he spent with his beloved Sirius. Sirius and James always made sure how important Remus was to them, and what their friendship meant. Remus also always thought of Harry, James son, the only child that was as close as a son to Remus. It was those memories of his pack that kept him going, but now Remus saw who he truly was. He was so stupid to let his pack convince him that he was a human. Remus always knew deep down inside that he was not like his friends. He didn't belong in their world. He had no place with humans, especially now that he hurt a child, that he deliberately might had killed him, Remus lost all sense of who he was.

_I'm not human, nor animal. I'm a monster…._

He stared down at the dusty ground as shock began to take over his mind and body. He can see the Death Eaters' masked faces as they knelt down in front of him, but he couldn't hear what they were saying. Remus' vision was blurry and his hearing was blocked by a drowning silence as they grabbed him by the arms roughly and stood him up. The Death Eaters then left the fence and signaled for another child to join Remus. Remus didn't know how he was going to fight another child when he already hurt one.

This time a young girl around the age of thirteen hopped inside the fence. She had a light tan skin, her auburn hair was pulled up in a ponytail and her face was covered in brown freckles from being in the sun too long. To Remus' relief her blue eyes weren't completely amber like Randy's had been. This told Remus that she might not be as savage as his first opponent had been.

The girl glared at him as she circled around him, trying to figure out the best way to attack.

She reminded Remus of Harry. She had the same determined look in her eyes that was also found in his cub's. Thinking about Harry gave a Remus an idea, so he crouched down in defensive mode again. He tried to pretend that he was a D.A. teacher again and he was teaching these children combat. It wasn't much of a plan really, but it helped Remus cope through his situation.

The young girl took her chance and leaped in for a punch, Remus blocked it quickly with his hand. The girl tried again and Remus blocked it. Over and over the girl would kick or punch but Remus blocked it easily. After a while, Remus began to notice that the strength she put into her attacks were not as strong for an opponent fighting to win. It was like they were both just training.

As soon as Remus noticed this, he caught her eye. Instead of anger and hate that he inspected to see, Remus saw amusement and determination. She wasn't trying to hurt him!

The girl suddenly winked at him and Remus knew...

She didn't have to say anything. She wanted to pretend that she knocked him not. She just couldn't say anything because of all the werewolves and their super hearing around the fence. The girl spun around and kicked Remus. It wasn't so hard but Remus gave out a pretend shout of pain and fell to the floor. He closed his eyes and didn't move, pretending he was too weak to go on.

The werewolf children around the fence cheered once they realized Remus was down.

"Yay, Kaylie!" a girl shouted.

"You showed that flea bitten mutt!" another girl shouted.

"You showed him not to mess with us!" a tall boy also shouted.

"Quiet! All of you!" Greyback growled, he entered the fence to check on Remus.

Remus can feel him standing over him. He can smell his own blood from the bite wound Randy gave him as it trailed down his shoulder, leaving a small puddle in the dusty rock strewn ground.

"I really thought you would have more fight in you, mutt," Greyback snarled. "Again you disappoint me."

Remus didn't say anything. He kept his eyes closed while the wolf inside howled.

_No,_ Remus said to it. _It's not time to fight back..._

"Avery, Dolohov, take the wolf back to his cellar!" Greyback snarled before kicking Remus in the stomach and walking away.

Remus grunted from the impact and swallowed the rising bile in his throat.

Even though the knock out Kaylie gave him was fake, Remus felt just as battered as if he were knocked out for real. Remus had no fight left in him. He didn't even fight them when they put the silver chains back on him to take him back to the cellar. He gritted his teeth and cringed at the burning. The pain was ten times worse, it was so bad it silenced Remus' wolf as they led him to the cellar.

Once the silver chains were off, and the metal collar that was chained to the wall was around his neck again, Remus dropped to the ground and curled into a ball. He didn't care if he looked pathetic or weak, he didn't care if they laughed at him. He didn't even care that his shoulder and burns were still bleeding. Remus knew he deserved this. He knew he was a monstrous animal who should be chained to a wall. He hurt a child and that was the worst thing Remus could had ever done. He didn't even deserve Kaylie's unexplained kindness.

At the thought of Kaylie, Remus wondered why the girl had been so kind to him. He wondered how she knew his intentions and decided to help them.

_She probably doesn't want to be here either…._

Remus wondered where the girl came from and how she ended up here. Maybe she was in a colony too that got raided, and she was brought here.

_Or maybe she just took pity on me..., _Remus thought.

His thoughts soon drifted to Harry and where he might be. He wondered how his cub was taking the death of Sirius. Remus wasn't the only person Sirius left, for Harry was Sirius' godson. They were becoming so close before Sirius….

Remus took a deep breath as he rolled onto his back and covered his face with his hands.

He can see Sirius' face, his warm blue eyes were always full of laughter. Remus can still feel his lips on his own, so loving and gentle. If Sirius were here, he would had been berating Remus for giving in with the Death Eaters and Greyback. He would be yelling at Remus for believing he was a monster.

_But I am, Sirius..., I've always been a monster, even though you and James seemed to convince me that I wasn't in the past. You can't change a person for who they really are deep inside. And deep inside me, you'll find nothing but a beast._

* * *

"Hey," a voice whispered in the darkness. "Hey you, wake up."

"Hmm?" Remus muttered. "Sirius, it's too early...," Remus mumbled.

"It's Kaylie, wake up!"

That didn't sound like Sirius, and wait…, Sirius wasn't here anymore...

Remus opened his eyes slowly, realizing miserably that he was still in the cellar, with the collar around his neck, still chained to the wall.

He looked up at the young girl in the dark. Thanks to his good vision from the wolf, he was able to see a little clearer in the dark.

"What are you doing here?" he mumbled, sitting up slowly. Just sitting up was an effort that made Remus break out into a sweat. He panted as he leaned against the wall, not sure if he'll able to hold himself up.

"That bite on your shoulder looks pretty bad, also those burns smell infected," the girl said, ignoring his questions. "I brought a pain reliever potion from Matt. He is our Healer here."

"Why?" Remus breathed heavily. His whole body felt warm. And every wound he had, every burn and every bruise, burned with a fiery pain.

"I needed an excuse to talk to you, so I volunteered to bring the potion too you. Greyback wouldn't allow Matt to come in and check on you, but he did allow the potion. I guess he doesn't want you to die yet.

"No, why are you helping me?" Remus whispered. He guessed it must not be so late at night since the girl didn't sneak down here.

"Because I know who you are, Remus Lupin," the girl whispered. Her serious blue eyes were searching his face.

Remus furrowed his eye brows in thought, trying to remember if he ever met a young child by the name of Kaylie in the past.

"We've never met," Kaylie said noticing his face expression. "But you knew my father. He was part of the Order years ago. Death Eaters murdered him during a mission he was on. It happened a few years after You-Know-Who's down fall with Harry Potter."

Remus gazed at the girl, the wheels in his brain turning as he went through his old memories. He knew a good number of wizards who died from Voldemort's followers after the dark wizard went down. For a while, things were chaotic during that time in the wizarding world. Death Eaters were being arrested. Some were murdering witches and wizards that they believed had something to do with their leader's disappearance.

Suddenly, Remus remembered a tall thin man with light brown hair, round glasses and blue eyes. His name was Jonathan Porter. Remus remembered that he was a friendly enough bloke. He was also very smart. After the Order meetings, Remus and he used to enjoy playing chess together or would often times exchange books with one another after having an intellectual conversation. James had laughed and called Johnathan Remus' twin. Remus always laughed a long with him, however, Sirius never liked the man. Remus always suspected Sirius was jealous of his friendship with Johnathan, they had a lot of nasty fights about him in the past.

"Your father was Johnathan Porter," Remus smiled softly as he looked at his old friend's daughter. Now that he knew who Kaylie's father was, he can see Johnathan in her blue eyes and in the shape of her face.

"How did I not notice who you were, Kaylie Porter? You are the spitting image of your father. I never knew he had a young daughter at the time. During those times you had to be careful with who you trusted, you never gave out any information about yourself, even if you had a family."

Kaylie nodded, "its understandable, Mr. Lupin. My mother told me all about those times; and besides I don't think you were in any position earlier to know who I am."

She handed him a potion. "Here, drink this, it's for the pain."

Remus gratefully accepted it and drank it. At once, he can feel his pain ease up.

"I'm sorry I can't give you anything else, but it was all Greyback allowed for you."

"I understand," Remus frowned. He had to figure a way how to get out of here fast. Judging by how warm he was feeling and the intense level his pain had risen to while he was asleep, he guessed he had an infection.

"How did you know my plan when we were in the training are?" Remus muttered. The pain potion was making him drowsy.

"I'm very good at reading people," Kaylie answered as she sat down in front of him and crossed her legs. "My mother always told me I inherited that from my dad. So I just noticed the way you were always on defensive mode when you and Randy were fighting. I also saw the way you reacted after you pushed him away. The others all thought you meant to kill him, so they aren't happy with you. I think they are just complete dunderheads to not have noticed your face expression afterwards. That is why I volunteered to go against you afterword. Anyone of them were willing to kill you after Randy's accident, but I knew you had to get out of that fence."

Kaylie finished her story and studied him with an expression that was so much like her fathers. It caught Remus off guard once more that he didn't recognize her right away. He wondered if Johnathan knew his daughter was a werewolf. Did he die before she got bitten or after? He wondered again how she ended up here.

Another thought strucked Remus.

If her father was Johnathan Porter, then Kaylie should be going to Hogwarts. Even if she were a werewolf, Dumbledore would still had permitted her to attend school. He had made it happen for Remus; and Remus wouldn't doubt in a heartbeat that Dumbledore would do the same for Kaylie. If Kaylie didn't attend Hogwarts, then how long as she been here? Where was her mother?

"What are you doing here, Kaylie? Where is your mother?" he whispered, he was fighting to stay awake now.

Kaylie's eyes traveled to the floor as she picked at her worn shoes.

"I don't mean to change the subject now, Mr. Lupin, but I think I better get going. Greyback is probably wondering what is taking me so long. I also have to report your condition to Matt."

Remus nodded, his eyes were already closing as he laid his head on his knees, wrapping his arms around his legs. Drowsiness and hunger pains took over his body, and it was all he could do to not slide back down to the floor.

The young girl stood up and made her way back to the cellar door, before she opened it, she asked, "Mr. Lupin?"

Remus slowly lifted his head up, "Yes?"

"I know you are figuring out how to escape. Either that, or Dumbledore is working very hard to find you. If you manage to find a way to escape, or someone does come for you, take me with you."

"I promise I will," he whispered. There was no way he was going to leave Johnathan Porter's daughter here. She gave him a small smile, before she opened the door and closed it softly behind her.

**This chapter was very hard to write. I kept getting plagued with writers block and I was all frustrated and crying lol but I did it and I hope you all enjoy it!**

**Also thank you for all of the Reviews! I've read every one of them. And thankyou for the Favs and Follows. It means so much that there are people out there that actually love my little story. So thank you again! ;)**


	7. Chapter 7 Denial

**Chapter Seven - Denial**

"Sir, why are we going to London again?" Harry asked for the third time that morning. He watched Snape tap the brick wall to take them out of Diagon Ally, and into Muggle London.

"I've told you before, Potter, you need new muggle clothes. Unless you want to be wearing wizarding robes all summer and during weekends once terms starts, then stop complaining!"

Harry rolled his eyes. "Since when have you cared about what kind of clothes I wear?"

"That is none of your business!" Snape snapped, as he stepped away from the wall. The bricks were moving, forming into an archway. Harry can now see the back door to the Leaky Caldron.

"Of course it's my business. We are talking about what I wear!"

Snape just rolled his eyes as he walked forward, muttering under his breath about teenagers and their rotten attitudes.

Harry ignored his snarky potions professor, who seemed to have woken up in a foul mood.

_Actually, Snape is always in a foul mood_, Harry realized.

Harry wondered why Snape was always so grumpy. He knew the professor was picked on during his time at Hogwarts by the Marauders, he wondered if that could be the reason for his sour attitude. _Surely that can't be the reason,_ Harry thought. _The man can't still be upset with something that happened years ago!_

_Maybe, he is just angry when I'm around…._

That made a lot of sense. For ever since Snape laid eyes on him in first year, the man seemed to always have it out for him.

Harry wondered if that were true. If it was, then why did Snape even bother in letting him stay at his quarters for the rest of the summer?

He followed his professor through the Leaky Cauldron, and out into the muggle world. The fumes of cars blinded Harry; the familiar noise of traffic, and busy muggles on cell phones surrounded him. It had been a while since he was in muggle London. He had forgotten how loud and big it was.

Harry glanced at Snape and to his surprise, the professor's usual black billowing robes were replaced with a pair of dark blue jeans and a black t-shirt. His long, lanky hair still covered his face.

"Sir, you should do something about your hair. It's not quite common for male muggles your age to have long hair. Well…, unless you're into heavy metal or rock music, or you ride a motorcycle or something like that, most of the older Muggles don't approve of those things either."

Harry couldn't help but smile at the strangeness of it all. He couldn't wait to write to Ron and Hermione about seeing Snape in muggle clothes.

"Wipe that arrogant smirk off your face, Potter!"

Harry scowled darkly at Snape's assumption of him once more. He crossed his arms to his chest.

"I wasn't trying to be arrogant. I was trying to be helpful. Why can't you just for once see that I'm not _exactly_ like my dad?"

Snape frowned as he studied him for a feel seconds. Harry refused to look at the man. He didn't mean to say those last few words. It just sort of slipped out.

"Well, it's too late now," Snape said wearily. "Come, we are wasting time." He hurried to the nearest clothing store, as if he wanted to get the shopping done as soon as possible.

Harry rolled his eyes and hurried along. He entered the fresh, cool store behind Snape.

The powerful aroma of new store and new clothes hit him. Harry was suddenly feeling very overwhelmed at what to choose. He had never done clothes shopping for himself before. His whole life, he was only allowed to wear Dudley's hand me downs. The first piece of new clothing he had ever owned in fact, was his new set of Hogwarts robes, when he started his first year.

Harry suddenly just realized a horrifying thought. He didn't have any muggle money with him. He only had a sack of wizard coins. Snape had mentioned they were going to muggle London, but he didn't say why. If Harry had known that the purpose was to go and get clothes for himself, then he would had exchanged his wizard coins for muggle money.

"Um…, sir?" he asked awkwardly. "I don't have any money to pay for this."

"That's alright, Potter, I've got it covered."

"No!" Harry shook his head. He didn't want to be indebted to Snape! "I think I'm okay with my old clothes. Shall we be going?"

He turned around to step out of the store, but he felt a light hand rest on his shoulder. Harry flinched away from it. He looked up at the dark, black eyes of his professor.

"You didn't let me finish …," Snape hissed through gritted teeth. Harry could tell that he was fighting with everything he had, to not say the storm of insults that were brewing at the tip of his tongue.

"I'll pay for your clothes. Then later you can work it off by helping me brew healing potions for Madam Pomfrey. Is that fair enough for you?"

Harry was about to argue back, but he thought better of it. He realized Snape was just trying to do a nice thing for him. He also realized that his professor was just covering it up, by letting Harry work off the money for the clothes.

Again, he didn't trust Snape.

_But…, if I worked it off, then…, I won't be in debt..._

Harry knew he wasn't going to win this battle, so he relented and muttered, "well…, alright."

Snape nodded at his answer, "go look around. Pick out three pairs of shorts, three pairs of pants, seven shirts, and two sets of pajamas…, and a pack of underwear…, and socks."

"Isn't that a bit much?" Harry asked. He could feel his face turning red.

"Just go!"

Harry sighed in annoyance. He made his way over to a clothes rack that was full of t-shirts. He couldn't believe he agreed to this! It will take him all summer to repay that snarky git back!

* * *

Once Severus saw the boy go into the dressing room with his arms full of clothes, he made his way over to the saleswoman.

"I'm going next door to the camping store to purchase the gear I'll need. Keep Potter busy while I'm gone," he muttered. "And remember, the boy shall not know about the trip yet. There is a chance that he might not want to go, and I'm not looking forward to dragging him to the campsite by force."

The saleswomen's features changed, until the young auror, Nymphadora Tonks, was standing in front of him. The real muggle sales woman, was locked in the broom cupboard under a sleeping charm. Once she awakens, she won't remember anything about how she ended up there, and will hopefully just resume working.

Potter didn't know it, but the whole time they have been out, aurors were keeping an eye on them. There were in fact, two guards under Disillusionment charms right outside. Severus didn't tell the boy, because he knew Potter would over react for all the fuss they had to go through to keep him safe.

"No problem, Snape, I've got it covered. He'll be safe with me," she smiled as she turned back into the image of the saleswomen.

Severus nodded and made his way out of the store, making sure there was no suspicious activity going on around him. He couldn't be too careful these days. Due to the Dark Lord rising to power, and Death Eaters roaming about.

Last night, during a quick floo call, Albus had in fact improved of the camping idea with great pleasure and amusement, much to Severus' annoyance. The old wizard, however, left Severus in charge of the security and wards. Albus was now returning from his mission in a day or two.

Severus entered the store and began to look at the tents. He decided to do it the muggle way. He wanted this to be a good experience for Potter. This was not only going to bring them together, but it will also teach Potter how to manage out in the wilderness without any magic; just in case if the war shall ever, Merlin forbid, force him into hiding.

At first, it was hard for Severus to admit to himself that he was not only planning on gaining Potter's trust, but also to build at least a mentor/student relationship with him. The boy had no one, besides the wolf.

_The brat is growing on me!_ Severus scowled in annoyance, as he walked down the aisles in the store.

Since there hasn't been any new leads on the wolf's whereabouts yet, it wasn't wise to wait for Lupin to take care of Potter's needs. Even if he was found, Severus couldn't entrust Potter in Lupin's care anymore, because there was no knowing what state his mind and body would be in. Severus hadn't even had the heart to tell Potter about the possibility of Lupin never being the same again. Severus knew what it took to be tortured by the Death Eaters, and the Dark Lord himself. It will have to take a strong person to escape without any harm. Potter was a good example of it. The boy had been tortured enough by the Dark Lord, and now he was drowning in his depression.

Severus picked out a decent sized tent for two people, cooking essentials, equipment for a campfire, a couple of lanterns, and other necessities that they would need. Aside from the wards that were going to surround them, there will be no magic at all. Although, he did plan on hanging on to his wand the whole trip. Just in case if any danger shall arise.

* * *

"Sir, am I going crazy? Or did you disappear for awhile when I was in the dressing rooms?" Harry asked Snape as they walked out of the clothing store together.

Snape gave him a cold look and said, "the latter."

"No really, because when I came out, I looked around and you weren't there. Then that peculiar saleswomen threw a bunch or clothes at me, and practically shoved me back in the dressing rooms. Once I finished, you were leaning against the counter. As if you were waiting there the whole time."

"I _was_ waiting there the whole time, Potter! Now hurry up. We have a scheduled Portkey waiting for us at the Leaky Cauldron." Snape said in exasperation.

Harry swore he saw a small smirk on his potions professor's face, but he wisely decided not to press him anymore.

Harry was so deep in his thoughts, that he didn't notice the muggle walking in front of him…, until it was too late.

"Where have you been, boy!" a voice shouted. It startled Harry so bad, he flinched. He was about to grab hold of Snape's arm, when Uncle Vernon grabbed him by his upper arm, and pulled him to his side.

"You better have a good explanation for running away! What are you begging on the streets now for food and money?!"

"Vernon!" Aunt Petunia shouted as she ran to catch up to her husband. "Let Harry go!"

Snape skidded to a halt. He glared so evilly at Uncle Vernon, Harry thought he was going to pull out his wand right than and there and hex the man.

"Let him go, Dursley," he growled slowly in a low warning voice, which would had made Neville Longbottom wet his pants in fear.

Aunt Petunia stood next to her husband, "Vernon, please, just let him go. You just said so yourself, this morning, that things were quite normal without the boy around."

"No! This freak is coming back home with us, so I can give him a well-deserved whooping!" Uncle Vernon yelled at his wife. His face and neck was red. His beady little eyes were full of hate. His spit sprayed all over Harry's face, as he tried to tug himself away, but his uncle's grip was too strong.

"Let go of me, Uncle Vernon! You can't force me to go back!"

His hold on Harry became tighter. "Yes I can, boy! Not shut up and…."

Uncle Vernon stopped talking. His face turned into a grayish, purplish, color. For he suddenly found himself on the other end of Snape's wand.

Aunt Petunia gave a small squeak of fear. She hurriedly covered her mouth so she won't draw any more attention towards the group.

"Let go of the boy," Snape snarled. His glittering, black eyes were full of danger.

Uncle Vernon let go of Harry's arm, and muttered a few unintelligent words.

Shaking in fear, Harry backed away so he can stand behind Snape. "Professor, don't attack him! There are muggles everywhere…, you'll get arrested!" he whispered desperately, while looking around.

It's a wonder how muggles never notice _anything! _Because so far, nobody had noticed the commotion happening right under their noses. If Snape managed to hex Uncle Vernon, there will be no way to hide that from the muggles.

"Professor, please," Harry pleaded. He grabbed Snape's wand arm.

The sound of Harry's voice seemed to have brought Snape back to his senses, for he lowered his wand. Taking a deep breath, he put his hand on Harry's shoulder to steady his anger. Harry shook off his hand immediately; he was feeling uncomfortable all of sudden with human contact.

Harry's arm was throbbing from his uncle's strong grip. He rubbed it, as a memory flashed before his eyes of Uncle Vernon. He was pulling Harry down the stairs by the arm before he punished him. The emotions he had felt that day resurfaced. The feelings of fear and pain.

Harry's whole body started to shake. He suddenly realized he was gasping for air. Dark spots began to cloud his vision.

"Potter, look at me," he heard Snape's voice. He could barely see the professor in front of him, kneeling down at eye level. Suddenly the ground beneath him began to sway, until Snape steadied his shoulders.

"Is he okay?" Aunt Petunia asked in a concerned voice.

"Bugger this! I'll wait for you in the car, Pet! I'm not going to stand here, and waste my time with that boy's freaky nonsense!"

"He is having a panic attack," Snape answered, completely ignoring Uncle Vernon. "Come on, Potter, breathe in slowly, and then breathe out. Follow my breath and concentrate."

Harry's throat was closing up. He swallowed with great difficulty, gasping for air. Panicking, he reached out blindly, trying to grab on to something…anything, that will keep him anchored to the ground. Harry's hand found a sleeve; he clutched it tightly with his fist.

A few moments of following Snape's breathing pattern, Harry finally began to gain control. His vision slowly came back, and he took in his surroundings. He realized he was sitting on the ground, leaning against the store wall, with Snape kneeling in front of him. Harry was clutching onto the professor's shirt sleeve. He let go, suddenly feeling embarrassed. Instead, he looked at Aunt Petunia, who was blocking them from any passing muggles.

"Where is Uncle Vernon? Am I going back with him?" Harry whispered.

His whole body shook harder, as he thought about all of the punishments he received by his uncle in the past. He felt hands cover his own, preventing him from trying to scratch his arm.

"I got to take him back now," Snape muttered to Aunt Petunia.

_Back to the Dursleys?_ Harry's heart sank.

Snape stood up and asked, "can you stand?"

He knew Snape was planning on taking him back to the Dursleys! Harry should've had seen this coming. Why else would the Dursleys be here? The same day he and Snape happened to be shopping in London? This couldn't have been a coincidence.

"You planned this!" Harry shouted. "You bastard! I was right to not trust you! This is where you went while I was in the dressing rooms! You went to go get them! And to think, I thought you were being nice with the clothes!"

"Calm down! You insolent child!" Snape shouted.

Harry stood up and tried to run off, but Snape held him back by his shoulders.

"No!" Harry shouted. "Let go of me! I'm not going back! You can't make me!"

"Potter, I'm not letting you go back with them!" Snape's grip became harder. "If you do not calm yourself, you leave me no choice but to stun you!"

Suddenly, the sound of Uncle Vernon's car horn sounded. "Hurry up, Petunia! We got to go!" his uncle shouted.

Harry started to fight his way out of Snape's grip harder. He didn't realize that he had started crying. Memories of living at the Dursleys plagued him. He felt like he was living in one of his nightmares. He fought harder, until a voice said, "Stupefy!"

* * *

Severus grabbed the boy before he hit the floor, and held him close to his chest. He was torn, at feeling angry at Potter for his meltdown, and pity. Pity, because he knew the boy wasn't in his right mind. Dursley had practically dramatized him!

He scowled at the thought of what this meant for their relationship. It was going to be harder to gain the boy's trust after this now! _Damn Dursley!_

"Snape?"

Severus jumped at the sound of his name. He had forgotten that Petunia was still there.

_Why is she still here? What does she care about what happens to her nephew? Especially after all the years of neglect? It was her fault as much as Dursley's, that Potter is in this state now._

"Snape…, if you need anything for Harry, don't feel afraid to owl me. I know I have no right in offering you my help. But I care about that boy, and seeing him like this…, just let him know that I'm still here for him. Even if he doesn't want to talk to me ever again."

Severus glared at the thin bony women in front of him. He had so much to say to her!

How can anyone neglect a child? How anyone can let a child fall victim to not only physical abuse, but mental, and verbal abuse, was beyond him! This was her sister's son! The only link she had to Lily!

He continued to fix her with his cold, black stare, before saying in a controlled voice, "you've had your chance to be there for Potter. You had 15 years, Petunia. As much as I regret saying this to you, I will pass on your message to the boy. However, if he doesn't want to speak to you ever again, I will not force him, nor encourage him to forgive you."

Petunia nodded, "I understand." She nervously wrung the handles of her shopping bags in her bony hands.

Severus frowned, and continued in his cold, deep voice, "If Potter does want to reconcile with you, I will see to it that he does. For my sole purpose is this child's wellbeing."

He made to leave, gathering Potter closer in his arms. He made sure all of the shrunken parcels and shopping bags were still in his pocket.

"Helping Harry won't bring her back, you know. Especially, when you can't even bring yourself to call her son by his first name."

Snape stopped at Petunia's words, without turning around to look at the woman.

"I know you loved her. I saw it in the way you looked at her."

Severus felt his heart swell up with that old familiar pain. That sharp pain he had, whenever he thought of Lily. Her green eyes and her smile, the way she looked at him, the long conversations they had….

Severus sighed, "and using Lily's son to try to redeem yourself won't bring her back either," was all he said, before walking away.

* * *

Once Severus was back in his quarters, he laid Potter on the sofa. Then he took out the boy's shopping bags and resized them so they were scattered all over the coffee table.

He looked at Potter's sleeping face. It was so tense, tear tracks stained his cheeks. Severus pointed his wand at him, muttering, "Ennervate."

The boy opened his green eyes slowly at first. Then once he regained his senses, he looked around with wide frightful eyes.

"It's okay, Potter, we are back home. You're safe."

Severus saw the boy's calculating look at the word home.

"You mean your home, sir."

Severus opened his mouth to protest, but Potter spoke first. It was as if he didn't want to linger on that comment.

"What happen to the Dursleys? Why am I still here? I thought I was going back."

_This boy is so hard headed! When is he going to get it in that thick head of his, that he is never going back to the Dursleys_?

Severus sighed and sat in his arm chair. "I think it is time we have a discussion about your relatives."

"No, sir, I don't want to talk about them. I just want to know why I'm not back with them."

"Listen very carefully," he looked at Potter, who was now in a sitting position, and glaring down at his tattered shoes.

_I forgot to tell the boy to pick out some shoes when we were in the store...,_ Severus thought distractedly. He then mentally shook himself to stay on task.

"Potter, look at me! I'm not going to repeat this again!"

Potter turned his angry green eyes on him.

"Do I have your attention now?"

The boy nodded.

"I hope you understand the importance of what I'm about to tell you, and I hope you consider with great care with what I'm about to reveal, because your very life may hang on the balance."

"Does this have to do with the prophecy?" Potter scowled.

"Quiet!" Severus snapped. "Once again, I'm telling you now, and Merlin forbid! I shall not have to repeat myself again. You are Never. Ever. Going back to the Dursleys home again. You Never have to see them, nor speak to them, as long as you live."

The boy's face contorted in confusion. He opened his mouth to say something, but Severus continued on, "so get these notions out of your head that I'm taking you back to that house. I brought you here for reasons, Potter! Reasons, that we are both aware of. So If I ever... hear you even mention any one of those silly notions…, I promise you…, you're going to have a classroom_ full_ of dirty cauldrons to scrub! Do I make myself clear?"

"Yes, sir," Potter scowled, as he crossed his arms.

"Good, now that we got that out of the way, do you mind me asking about what happened back there?"

"Um…, you were there, you saw…."

"Don't be an idiot! I meant what happened?! What made you panic like that?"

Potter gave him a look of disbelief.

Severus knew Potter was having difficulty with admitting what had happened during his time with the Dursleys. Especially with what had just happened awhile ago, but this was a perfect opportunity to bring it up, and Severus was going to take advantage of it.

The boy shrugged his shoulders. He gave him a reproachful glance before muttering to the floor, "I dunno..."

Sighing in frustration, Severus realized he was going to have to coach it out of him.

"Potter, tell me, why did you get so upset when we ran into the Dursleys? And do not give me the obvious. I know your uncle scared you when he grabbed you, and threaten to take you back with him. You were handling your fear well, until after I threatened him to let you go. What was going on in your head, which caused you to panic and hyperventilate?"

"Sir, I don't mean to be rude, but …I really don't want to talk about it. Why do we have to do this? You already know that Uncle Vernon used to give me harsh punishments. Maybe I deserved them, I don't know…, but really, I'm not going to tell you of all people. So please just stop with the questions."

Severus gapped at Potter's words. _Does he really think that he deserved the abuse?_

"First of all, Potter, those punishments that your uncle gave you…, isn't exactly what I call discipline!" He paused for a while, trying to gather up his thoughts. He had to be careful with what he choose to say. This brat was now more unwilling than ever to open up now. Thanks to that blasted Dursley!

"I am not going to let you dwell on memories of the abuse you suffered as a child any longer. We are going to stay here, until we figure out what made you panic today."

Potter gaped at him with an indignant look on his face. Right away, Severus knew he was about to explode, and sure enough, he did.

"It was nothing! You're making a big thing out of nothing. It was all just Uncle Vernon punishing me! Nothing else…so stop acting like I'm some abused kid, because I'm not! You don't know anything! You were never there!"

Severus frowned at the boy's tone. He grabbed the arms of his armchair, trying to control himself from shouting back.

"On the first night you arrived, after I've taken you from your relatives, I told you I wasn't going to let this matter drop. One way or another, we are going to talk about the abuse. So stop trying to fight me on this!"

"I HAVE NOT BEEN ABUSED!"

The trinkets on Severus' mantel suddenly exploded. Potter stood up, his whole body shaking in uncontrollable anger.

"If you are so sure, then tell me, Potter…, tell me, how you came to me with cracked ribs and bruises. Go on, you arrogant boy! Convince me that you haven't been abused by your relatives!"

His voice hinted danger. The boy glared at him with clenched fists. The room was thick with tension; cracking with uncontrollable, underaged magic.

Severus knew he was trying to think up a way to convince him, but just as he thought, the boy had nothing to say.

"You do not have anything to say; do you?" Severus spoke in a slow menacing voice.

"Dudley and I roughed house a lot…," Potter muttered.

_For the love of Merlin…the kid is a bad liar!_

"You really think…I'm that stupid enough…TO BELIEVE THAT?! DON'T YOU DARE LIE TO ME!"

Severus threw himself off the chair and towered over the brat. They were neck to neck, as they glared at each other. Severus was surprised Potter held his ground, because he was giving it his all to look like the scary, dungeon bat, professor, image that his students were all afraid of.

"No more denial, Potter. Now tell me about your uncle," he said in a barley controlled voice.

Potter backed away, shaking his head, "screw you, Snape." He then ran to his room, slamming the bedroom door hard behind him.

* * *

Once Harry slammed the door he started throwing all of his clothes and possessions inside his trunk. He was not staying here anymore, not if Snape was going to be treating him like some mental case. Sure the Dursleys were unfair to him, but they didn't outright abuse him. He didn't need to talk about the punishments from Uncle Vernon, or the way they ignored him. He just couldn't stand the idea of Snape going around and taking pity on him for apparently being abused.

_Screw Snape! He can jump off the bloody astronomy tower for all I care!_

Harry had decided to stay at the Burrow, where his best mate was. He needed his friends and Mrs. Weasley…not bloody Snape! Even though Hogwarts was much safer than the Burrow, Harry was still going. At least the Weasleys didn't know about his relationship with his relatives.

If only Sirius were here, then Harry wouldn't have to be in this mess…, or Remus, wherever he was, Harry hoped he was okay. Fear for his dad's old friend squeezed his heart, his throat choking up a little at the possibility that he might never see him again…, just like Sirius...

His bedroom door opened. Harry didn't even look to see who came in. He knew it was Snape. He just continued to throw things in his trunk.

"How many times do I have to tell you to not slam your door? As it is my quarters you are living in, I expect you to live by my rules, even if you think they don't apply to you! Stop acting like a spoiled brat! You're just like your father and that bloody stinking mutt! So arrogant, and oblivious to anyone else's feelings but your own!"

"DO NOT CALL SIRIUS THAT!" Harry shouted as he slammed his trunk shut. "DON'T YOU DARE CALL HIM THAT! HE WAS MY GODFATHER! YOU HAVE NO RIGHT!"

Harry shook with anger; the look on Snape's face warned him that he was going too far, but he couldn't stop shouting. He had enough of Snape picking on him, and belittling him every chance he got.

"AND STOP COMPARING ME TO MY FATHER, STOP CRITICIZING ME, AND CALLING ME STUPID! IT IS FAR MORE WORSE THAN GETTING PUNCHED IN THE STOMACH BY UNCLE VERNON!"

Harry abruptly stopped shouting. He said too much. He didn't want Snape to know that. Now the professor will be more convinced about him being "Abused".

The anger in his chest rose once more and Harry suddenly couldn't take it anymore. Out of all the fights they've had, this one was by far the worst. He started kicking his trunk hard, over and over, screaming out in frustration and anger.

He hated this place…he hated Snape… he hated being alive… he hated… he hated….

"Potter, stop!" Snape yelled. "Potter!"

Harry ignored him. He was seeing red. His foot began to throb, but he welcomed it. It soothed the pain inside his heart. Suddenly, strong arms wrapped around him.

"Let me go, you bastard!" Harry tried to fight Snape off. "Let me go!"

"No, I'm not going to let you go. I'm not going to let you do this to yourself!"

Harry yelled, as he turned around to punch Snape in the chest and stomach. If the professor felt any pain from the punches, he didn't show it. He only tightened his hold on him. Once Harry tired himself out, he realized he was crying and he couldn't stop.

Snape held him for a few minutes, letting Harry let go of all of the emotions he was feeling at once; anger, frustration, grief, and sorrow.

"Tell me about your Uncle," Snape said softly, once the tears subsided.

Harry shook his head. He heard his professor sigh in defeat.

"You can let me go now," he said in a hoarse voice.

"Only if you promise you'll stop being a danger to yourself."

"I promise, sir."

Harry was finally released, and he tiredly sat down on his trunk.

"Going somewhere?" Snape asked as he barely noticed all of his packed belongings.

"Not anymore," he muttered.

The anger had passed, leaving Harry to finally think logically. If he left the safety of the castle, then he'll be putting the Weasleys in danger. Harry didn't need any more blood on his hands.

"Take your shoe off, let me take a look at your foot. I seriously don't doubt that kicking a trunk is painful."

"Its fine," Harry muttered. His foot was actually on fire, but he didn't want Snape to fuss over it.

"Do not downplay…."

"Downplay my pain…I know," Harry finished. He took off his shoe and sock. He gritted his teeth from the pain. The nail on his big toe was bleeding. His whole foot was swelling up.

Snape summoned the needed healing potions. A minute later, Harry's foot was as good as new.

Harry watched Snape as he cleaned up the potions. He suddenly felt really bad for the things he had said. Snape was trying his hardest to be civil. He was even nice enough to give him a room, but Harry fought him every step of the way. Guilt hit him hard in the chest.

_Snape is right. I have been acting like a spoiled brat._

"Listen, Professor, I'm….I'm sorry for the things I've said earlier," Harry apologized.

Snape looked at him. His black eyes for once, were not cold but sincere. "There is no need, Potter. We've both said hurtful things to each other, although there was a lot of truth. I have been acting unfair towards you by belittling you. It is a habit I promise to break in the future."

Snape sat down on Harry's desk chair. "You must promise me something though, I'm telling you this not to make you feel bad or angry, but because it is very important. You must work on your behavior towards me. I need respect from you, if this living situation is ever going to work."

Harry thought about what the professor said. How can he respect Snape if he didn't trust him?

Harry just nodded; he decided to just act respectful, even if he didn't really mean it.

"I promise," he muttered guilty.

He didn't miss the look that passed by the professor's face. He knew Snape was seeing right through him.

"I think this is a good time as any to bring up the trip I have been planning for us," Snape said smoothly. Harry could tell Snape was holding in his frustration at his lack of trust.

"A trip?"

"Yes, we are going camping."

"Camping? Where...why?" Harry spluttered out. This day was getting stranger by the minute. It all started with Snape buying him clothes, and now he was talking about going camping?

_I must be dreaming or I'm going crazy …._

"You don't need to act so shocked," Snape smirked.

"I'm sorry, it's just hard to believe, you know…with your reputation at Hogwarts and all. I would've never imagined you saying those words to me."

"And I bet you would've never imagine living with me either?" Snape lifted up an eye brow.

Harry gave him a small smile. "So…when are we going?"

"Due to what occurred today between us, we are leaving tomorrow morning."

"What? Tomorrow? How long are we camping?"

"As long as it takes for you to start trusting me."

Harry's smile disappeared. "I thought this was just a summer trip!"

"No, this more like a bonding exercise." Snape said.

"So, I'm guessing I have no say in this? I _have_ to go."

"Precisely, Potter, now start packing up your new clothes in your rucksack. Then get ready for bed. We've had a long stressful day and I expect you to be up tomorrow morning, 4am sharp!"

Harry didn't say anything. He was at a lost for words.

Snape stood up, "Accio Potter's shopping bags."

All of Harry's new clothes flew straight into the room and dumped themselves onto the bed.

"I'll be back to help you occlude before you turn in," was all Snape said before he left the room.

_Bloody hell!_ was all Harry can think, for he was in a total mixture of shock and anger.

He was being forced to go to some trust camp! And with Snape?! As if Harry had no control at all in his life. Well…, he never had any control in his life. Dumbledore was always making sure of that. If Harry had control in his life, he wouldn't be here, that's for sure.

Harry sighed miserably as he gathered his new clothes to pack.

**A/N: So… I forced my sis to read the first chapter and tell me what I am doing wrong in my grammar. Apparently my sentences are coming out awkward because I'm not using enough punctuation. So when I wrote this one, I made sure to use more commas and periods to show pauses and etc… I just hope this sounds better for you readers. **

**Anyways…Thank you for all of the wonderful comments ;)**

**Lupinesence:** I hope Kaylie and Moony escape together too. However, I already know if they do or not haha but I'm not telling ;)

**Dailey2008Jon:** Thank you! Keep a look out for more updates. :)

**Caraline Fisher**: Thank you for your comment! I promise you this fanfic is going to be long. :)

**POTTERPHILE:**Thank you for saying I have the potential of becoming a great writer, however I'm sorry if my little mix up of then/than. I looked over the whole story to see if I made that common mistake because I do know the difference. I didn't find any more so it must had been a typo, so there was no need to be so harsh. :(

**Fireangle:** All I can promise to you is that there will be some interaction between Petunia and Harry, but not too much since my story is focused on Sev, Harry, and Moony. And besides, Petunia had held on to her grudge against her sister too long to ever feel true remorse for her mistakes. I don't think she can ever truly change due to all that had happened between the sisters. That is why I had Petunia feeling sorry for she had done but not enough to protect Harry from Vernon. A small part of Petunia will always resent Harry for having everything she couldn't, not only the affection from her family, but magic itself. I think that is why even J.K. Rowling didn't have Petunia give Harry a proper goodbye in the Deathly Hallows. But despite of all that, I will try my best though to have a little bit of interaction in upcoming chapters and maybe Harry will forgive her but like I said the story is not going to focus too much on their relationship. Thank you for the comment and reading my story by the way. :)

**Bryan314:** Thank you so much! And Harry will find happiness in the end of maybe the sequel….. ;)

**PrincessAnime8:** I know! :( don't worry he won't be suffering forever in the story.

**Branchkk:** Thanks, I'll be updating every weekend. So keep a lookout. :)

**Dumledorewriter:** Thank you, I'm trying my best to keep them from becoming OC. I hope I'm doing okay.

**xSerendipity92x :** No it's my computer!D,:

**Swiatlo:** Thank you. I'm glad you're enjoying my Fanfic. Keep a lookout for updates!

**Thedarklordsfavoritedungeonbat**: I'm trying! D,:


	8. Chapter 8 Numb

**Chapter Eight - Numb**

**Three more days until the full moon. **

Remus was laying on his side, his eyes closed. Every wound and burn he had was on fire. Infection had settled, his skin was hot and feverish. If there was any shred of hope of escaping before, it was now gone. There was no way Remus will be able fight his way out. He couldn't even move. His only hope now was being found by the Order. He hoped they were close to finding his location soon.

The voices of Death Eaters from above made Remus cringe. He didn't want them to come down here. He didn't know if he could take anymore torture.

Remus forced his thoughts on his memories, memories of him and his friends at school…when he first laid eyes on Sirius….

"_Be good now, Remus," his mother said in a teary voice as she kissed his head. "Remember to focus on your studies and keep to yourself. Please mind what your father told you last night, of not letting anyone find out who you are."_

_Remus sighed, "I know, mom." In other words he wasn't allowed to make any friends, for fear they might figure out what Remus really was. He tried not to be too upset with his mom's words. She was only repeating the long lecture his father had given him._

"_Why couldn't dad come with us? He didn't even say goodbye before we left."_

"_I'm sorry, dear, but he had to go to the ministry this morning. It was very urgent." _

_Remus saw the guilt in her eyes. He knew his dad didn't want to say goodbye. Ever since he was bitten, their relationship had been strained. The only time he talked to Remus, was only to lecture him. Still, that didn't stop him from trying to make his dad proud._

_He'll see… Remus thought. Once I finish first year with excellent marks, along with preventing anyone from finding out what I am, then dad will be proud of me... _

_Remus let himself believe that. Deep down inside, he knew his dad would never be proud of him as long as Remus had the wolf inside of him._

_The train whistled, alerting the Hogwarts students that they should all be boarding now._

"_Come on, dear, up you get!" his mother shouted as she helped him up on the train platform. "I'll write to you tonight!" she shouted as the train began to move, taking up speed in the billowing smoke. Remus waved goodbye to her until they were out of the station. _

_Excitement__ fluttered in his stomach and his heart raced in anticipation, for he knew once he got off this train, his life was going to change forever. Remus was on his way to Hogwarts._

_He dragged his trunk along the corridor and into an empty compartment. He lifted it up onto the shelves and sat down. He figured he might as well take a nap since he didn't expect anyone to come in, plus so he can avoid having to socialize. He was drifting off to sleep when his compartment door slammed open. He opened his eyes to see a red-headed girl walking in. Tear tracks were covering her cheeks._

"_Do you mind me sitting here?" she asked. _

_Remus shook his head. "No, go ahead. I don't mind." _

_Alarms were going off in his head. He should say no, or anything else to prevent him from making friends. _

"_I'm Lily Evans," the girl said. _

_Remus just gaped at her, he was at a loss for words. He didn't know what to do. He hadn't even reach Hogwarts yet, and already he was breaking his promise to his dad._

"_And you are?" Lily asked, breaking the awkward silence. Remus cleared his throat. He mentally berated himself for looking like an idiot._

"_I'm Remus Lupin," he smiled._

_Wondering what caused her to be so upset, he then asked, "Why were you crying?"_

"_Oh, it's nothing…," Lily shrugged as she wiped her eyes._

_Remus nodded, deciding not to press the girl anymore. He didn't want to think they were going to be friends or anything._

_He decided to pull out one of his textbooks and read, since another awkward silence was starting to form between the two. _

"_What are you reading?" Lily asked. _

"_The textbook assigned for the Defense class we are going to have. I figured I should get prepared by reading all the textbooks before term starts. That way I won't be as clueless on my first day," Remus answered. He couldn't stop himself. What was wrong with him? His father warned him to keep to himself, and here he was talking to a student._

_Lily smiled, "I thought of the same thing too. I've actually just finished them. I guess both of us won't be as clueless on our first day. I'm glad I'm not the only one who thought of that idea." _

_Remus smiled, "I'm glad too."_

_They spent the whole train ride getting to know each other. They asked each other questions about their families, which subjects at Hogwarts they were most excited to learn about, and the houses they thought they were going to get into. _

_Remus was sure he was going to get into Ravenclaw, since his father had been in that house. He also loved reading and learning. So there was no doubt that Ravenclaw would be his house. _

_Lily also liked the idea of Ravenclaw, she was pretty smart herself. Since she came from both muggle parents, she had no clue to what house she would be in. Remus silently hoped she'll be in Ravenclaw. As time went on, Remus began to realize that he did not want to start off at Hogwarts alone, it was nice to have someone by his side. _

_Dad, how can I follow your rules? How can anyone not make friends, and expect to be alone for seven years?_

_Remus made a compromise with himself. Lily will be the only exception of his not letting anyone get to close to him rule. _

"_I'm starving. When is the lunch cart coming?" Lily suddenly asked, interrupting their conversation on charms._

"_I can go and look if you want," Remus offered. _

"_Okay sure, thanks, Rem."_

_Remus smiled at her nickname for him, before he opened the compartment door and slid out._

_He walked along the hallway, catching snippets of conversation. He didn't see the lunch cart anywhere, so he figured he should just ask someone. He stuck his head in a compartment. Inside were two boys laughing their heads off at some joke or something. _

"_Uh, excuse me?" he cleared his throat to get their attention. "Do you know when the lunch cart gets here?" _

"_The lunch cart? We were actually thinking of the same thing," a boy with messy jet-black hair and round glasses replied. "I'm starving! What about you, Siri?"_

_Remus turned his head to the other boy with long, dark hair and blue eyes. "I'm so hungry, I bloody swear I can eat a hippogriff!" the boy announced. "Sorry, kid, we are first years just like you. We wouldn't know. "_

"_Okay then. Sorry for bothering you," Remus said. He was about to try another compartment when the first boy said, "hey, come sit with us for a while."_

"_Um, okay," Remus said. He came back inside the compartment and sat down. _

"_What's your name?" the boy said. _

"_Remus Lupin, my dad works in the Ministry."_

"_My dad does too," the boy smiled. "I'm James Potter, by the way, and this is Sirius," he gestured towards the other boy._

"_Hello," Remus greeted. "What does your dad do?" he asked Sirius._

"_He also works at the Ministry," Sirius shrugged. "Hey, what house do you think you'll be in?" the blue-eyed boy suddenly asked. _

_Remus had the feeling that he was just changing the subject. Remus wondered what Sirius' dad really did at the Ministry and why both boys seemed to be hiding his last name. Remus shrugged, he figured he will find out sooner or later._

_And eventually, Remus did…, but Sirius Black was not like his family at all. He was the complete opposite in fact. _

_That day was the first time he and Sirius had laid eyes on each other other. Although, they didn't feel any attraction towards each other than. They were just kids after all. _

_Still determined to follow his dad's rules, the very first night in their dormitory, the first thing Remus had done, was push the first year boys away. James, Sirius, and Peter tried everything to include him, but he isolated himself by always studying. It came to the point where there was always tension and awkwardness, whenever Remus was in the dormitory alone with them. After weeks of trying, James, Sirius and Peter gave up and ignored Remus, as if he weren't there, as if there were only three first year Gryffindor boys._

_Until one day, Peter Pettigrew was in danger of failing his transfiguration midterm. Professor McGonagall requested that Peter had to get help or he was going to have to repeat the first year. James and Sirius had done everything they could to help their friend, but the information wouldn't sink into his brain. _

_Taking pity on the small boy, Remus offered to help. _

_Peter had understood Remus' teaching methods right away. It was actually quite amazing! For Remus had found out that Peter was a more of a hands on learner. He conjured up charts and demonstrations, flashcards, anything that will help the boy. Peter had eventually passed his test with an A. _

_James, Sirius and Peter were so happy and grateful that they practically forced Remus into their cliché. They got over all of the awkwardness and tension Remus created between them. However, Remus refused the offer. He ignored them, pushed them away, anything! But it was impossible! He couldn't get rid of them! Sirius was so stubborn to take no for an answer. So, Remus had eventually relented and became friends with them. _

Remus smiled at the memories of mischief he and his friends had gotten into throughout their school years. He suddenly remembered the first time Sirius gave him butterflies….

It was the beginning of fifth year, after a really tough full moon…

_Remus groaned at the headache behind his eyes. Every muscle protested as he lifted his arm to his head. _

"_He's awake," he heard a voice whisper. There was a scuffling sound. _

"_Moony?" another voice asked._

"_Shh! Let him wake up on his own, Padfoot!" the first voice chastised the other._

"_But he's waking up!"_

"_Do you think he'll mind if I eat one of his chocolate frogs?" a third voice asked._

"_Wormtail, you've known Moony long enough to not eat his chocolate!" the second voice mocked in horror, "if you eat one, we are going to have an angry teen werewolf on our hands!"_

"_Hey, you know how animals aren't supposed to eat chocolate?" the first boy said. "If Remus was Moony during the full moon, and we gave him chocolate... would that make him sick? Even if he is human most of the time?"_

"_Probably, maybe we should try it on you in your animagus form, Prongs. Let's see if you get sick on chocolate." _

_There was more scuffling. Feeling annoyed, Remus opened his eyes to see James throwing pillows at Sirius._

"_What are you guys doing?" he muttered as he pulled his blanket closer to him._

"_Waiting for you to wake up," Peter smiled._

_James and Sirius stopped their scuffling and sat back down._

"_How do you feel?" Sirius asked in a concerned voice._

"_Fine…I've felt worse." Remus noticed how Sirius was looking at him with a concerned expression. He felt himself reddened at his friend's pity. He wished he was alone, as he curled himself deeper into his bed. "I'm really tired… can you just… can you guys just come back later?"_

"_Remus, we are here for you," James said, his voice full of that dreadful pity and concern, which Remus always found annoying. He didn't want them to think he was pathetic and weak!_

_He turned over, so his back was too them. _

_James sighed, "come on, let's let him rest you guys." _

_Sirius muttered agreement and all three of Remus' friends left the hospital wing._

_That night Remus dreamed that he was the wolf. He was Moony, running through the forest. The scent of deer and blood was thick in the air. He lifted his muzzle, inhaled deeply and howled at the moon. He followed the scent trail through the snowy forest, running faster and faster. His lips were drawn back in a snarl as Remus spotted his prey. The deer he was hunting was not a deer. It was a stag, majestic, young, and powerful. It ran away, leading Remus through the wilderness until he was able to catch up to it. _

_He jumped on the stag's back and bit down hard. The stag let out an agonized sound. Remus bit down harder. Blood flooded his mouth. He moaned in pleasure of the taste of meat. The stag began to slow down, until it finally fell to the ground. Remus chewed on the meat, growling and snarling. The hunt had accelerated him, his muscles itched at another run, to feel the wind in his fur, to taste the scent of fear in the air. He howled soulfully at the full moon. As if it were responding, the moon casted a beam of light down on Remus and his prey as it suddenly changed into a boy. _

_Remus looked at the boy in shock. _

_It was a stag! He had hunted the stag! What happened? How could this be? _

_Panic surged through him, making his heart race as Remus looked closely at the boy's face. He suddenly recognized the jet-black hair and round glasses. _

_Remus screamed. _

_He screamed and screamed. His voice echoed in the trees but here was no one around to hear him. Then he realized, how can I be screaming in my human voice? I'm in my wolf form!_

"_Remus!" a voice shouted. _

"_Nooooo!" Remus shouted. "Get away from me!" _

_Whoever it was, he didn't want to hurt that person! He didn't want to kill another innocent being. He had to save them from himself, from the monster Remus held within._

"_Moony, wake up! It's me! Wake up!"_

_Rough hands grabbed him by the shoulder. Remus squirmed away as he opened his eyes to the dark hospital wing._

_It was Sirius who was holding him. The invisibility cloak was on the floor. _

_It was only a dream…Merlin, it was only a dream. His whole body shook. Wiping the cold sweat from his forehead, Remus tried to stop the tears from flowing. _

_He really did! _

_He didn't want Sirius, or anyone for that matter to see him cry… but the dream felt so real. It hit too close to home for Remus, because that was one of his greatest fears. His friends dying because of him, because of what he was…. a monster._

"_Moony, don't cry," Sirius said soothingly as he wrapped his arms around Remus. It was normal for Sirius to give giant bear hugs. He was known for them, along with his boisterous laugh. _

"_I killed James," Remus cried._

"_You what?" Sirius looked at him before realizing what Remus meant. "No, Moony, no you didn't. It was only a dream. I just saw James a while ago. He is in the dormitory sleeping."_

"_I killed him, Sirius. I killed him!" Remus was hysterical at this point. "I'm a monster! I don't deserve to live. I don't deserve anything!"_

"_It was just a dream!" Sirius shouted. He looked at Remus and wiped his tears away. "It was only a dream. It wasn't real. I'm right here with you, Remus. I'm right here. So please stop crying. You're okay." _

_Remus sobbed harder for a few moments, "I'm a monster, Sirius. I'm a fucking evil monster! Why are you here? Why do you, James and Peter even care about me? Why do you guys bother with me? I'm not like you guys!"_

"_Remus John Lupin! You are not a fucking monster!" Sirius shouted. "Don't you ever call yourself that! James and I tell you every day that you are our best friend! You are smart, caring, kind, and brave. You are our Moony! Why do you think we fought so hard against all of your protests to become friends with you in first year? You're the glue that holds all together!"_

_Remus' sobs toned down. Tears still in his eyes as Sirius shouted at him. Despite all that Sirius was saying, Remus couldn't help but think, why? Why would they want to be friends with him?_

"_I'm a monster, Sirius! I could kill anyone of you when I'm in_ _my wolf form!"_

"_And when I'm in my animagus form, I can kill the next person that walks in through that door! I see no difference at all between Padfoot and Moony. They are both powerful animals."_

"_There is a difference! Stop trying to make me feel better, by pretending that you don't see it! There is a big giant difference, and you bloody well know it!"_

"_I don't know what you're talking about."_

"_You still have your mind!" Remus said impatiently. He was tired, frustrated and shaking uncontrollably from his nightmare. "I do not because I turn into a complete beast! It's in me, Sirius!" Remus pressed his bandaged hand to his chest. "Every day I have to fight with it and I'm tired of fighting. I'm tired of having to stay in control of my emotions, because if I let go, if I lose control of my emotions, the wolf comes out. He will take over. He's a part of me. He's in my blood, in my heart, and that makes me a monster as much as the wolf is during the full moon."_

"_No, I do not believe that at all. Because it's your blood that runs in your veins and it's your heart that beats in your chest. Not the wolf. I see you for you, Remus, and I know you are tired of fighting. I know that sometimes you feel like letting go, but you don't. You'll always find the strength to go on and fight, because your you. You are Remus Lupin, the kindest person I've ever met. I've met worst people with monstrous tendencies, and believe me, you don't have an ounce of evil in you. You are no more of a monster than a fucking puppy!"_

_Remus wiped his tears away. He was sort of convinced, but not really. He will let himself believe that he wasn't a monster, and the wolf inside was just a wolf, not a beast. He'll do it for Sirius._

"_Okay, Sirius…," he whispered. He tore himself away from his friend's embrace. Sitting down now, he fidgeted with his blanket. He was embarrassed for the things he said, for the tears he cried. He couldn't believe he let Sirius see his meltdown. The wolf inside him howled in rage. It wasn't liking the despair Remus was feeling. It was agitated and tense. Remus closed his eyes, taking a deep breath and letting it out slowly. The wolf was at the surface of his consciousness. It was fighting for control. Clutching the blanket tightly, Remus tried to control his emotions. He had to calm down…._

"_Remus, look at me…," Sirius whispered. _

_Remus cheeks turned red. He didn't want too. The wolf's golden eyes were showing in his own. He can feel the wolf's angry growl in his throat, but he forced it away. He didn't want Sirius to see the evidence of the monster inside him._

"_Moony, please..."_

_When he didn't respond, Sirius gently lifted his chin, forcing Remus to look up at him. Remus' golden-turned eyes glinted in the moonlight. He waited for Sirius to gasp in fear. His friends had seen Remus in werewolf form, however, he always made sure they never saw the evidence of the wolf during the time it wasn't a full moon. This was the first time Sirius was witnessing Remus fight for control over his own body and spirit._

_Sirius did not gasp in fear or disgust. His blue eyes shone with nothing but warmth and care for his friend. He brushed Remus' hair away from his eyes._

"_That color actually suits you," he smiled his crooked smile. _

_Feeling relieved, Remus playfully smirked at his friend. For some reason his stomach was doing flips. His breathing had quicken due to his racing heart. He didn't understand what was going on. Why the simple touch Sirius gave him filled his body with warmth. _

_Suddenly, sounds were heard from Madam Pomfrey's office. Quick as a flash, Sirius was under the invisibility cloak. Madam Pomfrey entered the room. _

"_I've heard noises, Remus," she said full of concern. "Are you okay? Was that you talking to someone?"_

_Remus shook his head as Madam Pomfrey fussed over him. He saw the hospital wing door open and shut gently over the matron's shoulder. The warmth he felt faded, and the ghost of Sirius' touch tingled on his skin._

* * *

The door slammed open, forcing Remus out of his memories. He closed his eyes, trying to savor the warmth of Sirius' touch but it was hopeless. The touch was only a memory, only a ghost of the love and warmth Remus once felt.

"Get up, werewolf!" Avery demanded and kicked him in his swollen ribs. Remus flinched in pain as he gritted his teeth, barley managing to not yell out in pain. He did not want to give this bastard any pleasure from his suffering.

Remus rolled over onto his hands and knees, and shakily pushed himself up. He was gasping for breath from the effort. His stomach churned unpleasantly and he felt bile rise up in his throat. He forced it back down.

"Stay on your feet!" Avery snarled. The Death Eater attached a metal collar and chained hand cuffs to Remus' neck and wrists. It was hard to follow that simple order. Remus swayed dizzily. Before he knew it, he was on his knees again.

"Come on, wolf! We don't have time for this! Get up! Greyback is waiting for you!"

Remus stood up again, but after a few steps forward, his legs gave out. He fell on his hands and knees again, his body racked with dry heaving coughs. Remus opened his eyes and was startled to see drops of blood on the stone floor.

Avery growled and pushed him back to his feet, lending support to the werewolf. Remus hated himself for accepting the help. He hated that he had to rely on his capturer to walk.

Every ounce of dignity had been shredded. His morals as a human being had shattered as soon as he had hurt Randy. His humanity and worth was now torn to shreds, as Remus fully accepted the fact that he was a monster. Everything that had existed outside this camp meant nothing anymore. It was like Remus was stuck in this bubble, away from his life, away from who he truly was, and all that mattered was to survive.

Avery led him out into the training area and threw him down at Greyback's feet.

"Well, what do we have here?" Greyback laughed coldly. The werewolf pointed his wand at Remus.

"Don't you look worse for wear? It hardly seems fair to let the cubs fight you in this pitiful condition, doesn't it? But you know, son, war… is… never… fair…, Crucio!"

Remus screamed in agony, his limbs twitched and his body convulsed. He can hear the werewolf kids as they gathered around him. He can hear them laughing, as if it was normal to see someone in this much pain. Remus felt his heart constrict tightly at the sound.

_They are only children and that bastard corrupted them!_ Remus growled in anger, once the spell was lifted. Mustering all of his strength, he threw himself at Greyback who shouted again, "Crucio!"

Remus fell on his hands and knees once more, gritting his teeth in pain. Once he couldn't take it anymore, he fell to the ground. Everything hurt! Remus felt detached from his own body, his own mind…and the only thing that existed was that unimaginable pain…

The spell lifted, Remus was breathing heavily.

"Go get some basic pain potions. I need the wolf to be able to stand at least today," Greyback growled. "You disgust me, Remus. You're so weak and pampered by that fool you call a headmaster, look where that's got you!"

Dolohov came back and forced a bottle of pain potion down his throat. Dolohov then uncorked a second one.

_Why are they giving me another bottle? It's dangerous to overdose… unless..._

Remus realized what they were going to do. They were going to overdose him on pain potion until everything was numb. They were going to drug him, forcing Remus to forget himself. It was so he can properly fight the kids!

Remus gave everything he got. He cemented his lips shut. He kicked them and twisted his head from side to side. Fear shot through his heart, making his eye sight blur. Unfortunately Remus' body could only take so much. With an infected bite wound on his shoulder, infected burns on his neck, wrists and ankles, broken ribs, fever, starvation, dehydration and the lingering effects in his nerves from the Cruciatus curse, Remus lost his fight. He let fear take over him, as he began to hyperventilate. It was too much… too much had been taken away from him and now they were taking away his mind. The Death Eaters poured pain potion after pain potion down his throat, until Remus' mind became fuzzy and numb, along with the pain that ravaged his body for the past couple of days.

"Throw him inside the fence!" Greyback growled.

Avery and Dolohov lifted him up, his feet dragging in the dirt. Remus wondered where they were taking him. He wondered why he felt so numb and why the grizzled man with the amber eyes was smiling evilly at him. They tossed him inside the gate, locking the door behind them. Remus looked at them in confusion. This seemed familiar, as if he had been thrown in here before.

A loud growl rang through the clearing. Remus turned around to see a muscular dark skinned boy with golden eyes, crouching in a predatory position. He couldn't understand why the kid was so hostile. He wondered if he had done anything to offend the boy.

The boy was obviously looking for a fight, Remus glared at him. Something inside him was telling him that he shouldn't fight, that he should only defend himself. _But why?_ Burned in his mind. Where was he? Remus could remember his name. He could remember going to school at Hogwarts, but he couldn't remember who he was or why he was here, or if he had any friends or family.

The kid growled again and stalked towards Remus, looking more like an animal than human.

_Stay in defensive mode. You'll be alright,_ ranged in his mind.

Even though Remus was confused and his memories were hazy, he seemed to know that piece of advice was somehow important. So that was what he did. Remus went into defensive mode, doubting this was going to work.

The dark-skinned boy jumped at Remus with a growl, tearing open a wound on his shoulder he didn't know he had. Remus growled and threw him off.

Something inside him howled to be let out. Shock suddenly distracted him, he didn't know what that feeling was. The boy kicked him to the ground. Remus rolled over and jumped back onto his feet. Blood was dripping down his arm. Again, the feeling of something howling and forcing its way out of his very soul alerted Remus.

_Something is wrong…there is something inside of me…._

Remus had no idea what that was. Why he felt like howling; why he felt like he should tear his enemy apart. The boy jumped on him again, knocking him the ground and biting his leg. Remus screamed in anger. The thing inside him also screamed and howled. The anger and predatory instincts were becoming stronger. He suddenly wanted blood. He suddenly wanted to attack and kill.

Remus was losing control of whatever it was. Unable to fight those instincts back, due to his dull mind and body, Remus let go of the unknown beast within him….

* * *

_Sirius is your best friend! You shouldn't be feeling anything for him! Your heart shouldn't be racing every time he so much as looks at you! Remus internally berated himself. _

_A month had gone by since that night of Remus' nightmare in the hospital wing. Tonight, in fact, was the full moon. Remus was sitting in the shrieking shack. The moon was staring to rise. He can feel the soul of the wolf taking over his own. _

_He tried to distract himself from the pain, from the fear of the injuries he was going to wake up too. However, distracting thoughts had led to Sirius. Remus' thoughts always led to his friend these days… those blue eyes, so warm and understanding…._

_No! Don't think about him! He is your friend, Remus Lupin! Remus berated himself again. He sighed in frustration. Any more of his mental arguing with himself is going to drive him mad. Well… even more madder, since all Remus could do was think about Sirius. Lately, Remus found himself not being able to read or concentrate on homework because of his fancy for Sirius. Luckily, the Marauders all thought it was due to the approaching full moon. But if they only knew…._

_Remus wasn't sure if they would be as accepting to him as they once were when they found out he was a werewolf, if they realized that he was not only gay but had a crush on Sirius. Then they would laugh before kicking him out, and Sirius would probably be too weirded out to even be in the same room with him..._

_No that can't happen... Remus must never tell them and live with the torture of being around Sirius, without him knowing what Remus was feeling every time he looked at him or smiled at him._

_Remus suddenly arched his back and let out a howl of agony as bones began to break and reconstruct into the wolf, fur began to grow through his pores, and Remus' eyes were completely golden…._

_Soft sheets and blankets surrounded him, the smell of the hospital wing was the first thing he noticed, followed by the soft whispering of his friends._

_Remus opened his eyes to see Sirius and James, before exhaustion quickly took over. He felt someone squeeze his hand and whispered, "Remus…." _

_Stay with me Sirius…, was the last thing he could think of_ _before he lost himself in the deep slumber of sleep._

* * *

"Sirius…," Remus mumbled. His head was on fire and so was his entire body, but what was new? He just wanted the pain to end.

"Don't try to move," a voice whispered.

Remus flinched at the voice. Fear took over his mind and he began to struggle away from them.

"No, Remus, you have to be quiet. Please!" the voice whispered.

Remus didn't recognize the voice. He didn't know where he was, and his mind was still numb. He couldn't remember why.

"Remus, it's me Kaylie. You're going to be okay," gentle hands held down his shoulders.

A young girl appeared in his line of vision.

_Kaylie?_ The name sounded familiar….

"You've been overdose with pain potion and your still under the effects. The pain is slowly returning to your body, although your mind will be numb for a few days, but I'm here, Remus. I'm here for you. You're going to be okay. But you have to be quiet or they will find me here."

Tears welled up in her blue eyes. Remus frowned and raised his hand up to her cheek, so he can wiped the tears away.

"I need Sirius," he muttered. He didn't know why that name was so important or who it even belong too, but Remus knew with a burning passion in his heart that he needed that person.

"I know," Kaylie grabbed his hand and squeezed it. "But he isn't here right now. You have me, I'll be here with you."

Remus could see her crying now. He wondered why she was shedding tears for him. What had happened before he ended up here? Before he can ask those questions, darkness took hold of his conscious once more, with the echoes of children screaming in his ears, and the taste of blood lingering in his mouth….

**A/N: I wonder what happened to Remus and the wolf cubs?! :o jk I already know haha **

**The next chapter will be of Harry and Severus camping! **

**And also, special thanks to those of you who took the time to review and favorite. I really appreciated it!**

**Review Responses! =D**

**Jamage****: Hello! Thank you so much for the compliment, **** I'm glad you liked it.**

**oldminnie****: I'll try my best to upload every weekend ;) thank you!**

**Dailey2008Jon****: Yes exactly! I'm glad to know that someone agrees! You know, grammar really doesn't bother me when I read fanfic stories, unless it's really, really, horribly bad, but it doesn't have to be completely perfect. We are all human lol. Thank you so much for enjoying my story and I hope you and your kids enjoy your summer also. **

**Lupinesence****: lol I know…. I'm guessing you probably didn't like this cliffhanger also. I know… I'm evil haha =) The beginning of the story is going to be very tough for Harry, but he is going to have to go through a lot emotions if he is ever going to except Severus and truly be happy in the end…sometimes it kills me to write sad stuff happening to the characters in my story but it has to be done. I have no idea how J.K. Rowling managed to kill off her characters without feeling depressed afterwards!**

**Caraline Fisher****: I do too! :'D**

**t42n24t2:**** Thank you, I was hoping for all of that tension between them. **** If this actually happened in the Harry Potter saga, I think the tension would probably be a lot worst between Harry and Snape, and they would probably just end up hexing each other, lol**


	9. Chapter 9 Proximity

**Chapter Nine - Proximity**

**Day One**

Harry was standing in front of the Mirror of Erised. He was eleven years old again, small, innocent, and naïve to the dangers of Voldemort. His mother's face was smiling down at him. Her bright green eyes, so much like her son's, were glittering with unshed tears. Harry reached up and pressed his hand to the glass. His heart wrenched with a fierce like pain of longing for the family he lost….

"Potter, wake up."

Someone shook Harry awake, pulling him away from his dream, away from his mother.

"Wake up now, child, it's time you get ready," Snape said gently.

Harry opened his eyes. Snape had turned on his lamp, casting shadows in his room.

Harry groaned as he remembered why Snape was waking him up so early. He pulled his blanket over his head.

"Do we have to go?" Harry whined.

It was unusual for him to whine like a child, but he was so tired. He still felt emotionally drained from the night before. Memories of their argument flashed in his mind, embarrassment filled his chest. Why did he say those things to Snape? And he cried! Dammit! Snape was probably already thinking he was a pathetic kid!

"Enough of that insolent whining! Get up! I'm will not tolerate your habit on wasting time!"

Snape spelled away his warm blankets and pillow, leaving him shivering on the bed.

"Hey!"

Snape gave him a cold glare. Making Harry think that maybe it was best to not say anything at all and just get dress.

"I expect you to be ready in twenty minutes!" Snape barked impatiently.

Twenty minutes later, Harry was jogging along next to Snape with his rucksack strapped to his back. They were walking down the many corridors of Hogwarts, on their way to the main entrance.

"Sir?" Harry dared to ask.

Since the whole time they were walking, Snape was completely silent. As always, the Potions Professor seemed to be in a foul mood in the early morning hours. Also, because of what happened last night, Harry was afraid to talk to him or even make a little noise. But he had so many questions about the stupid camping trip, he couldn't help himself. He at least had the right to know details about the trip. Especially, since he was forced to get up so early.

Harry was also surprised that he didn't have a nightmare last night. In fact, he didn't really dream at all last night. Until he dreamed of his parents in the mirror, right before Snape woke him up.

_Maybe the closing my mind before bed thing is working…,_ Harry realized.

"If you have a question, then spit it out, boy!"

Harry flinched at the word _boy_. He was vividly reminded of Uncle Vernon shouting at him. His uncle's face, an ugly purple color, and his grip on him so tight it hurt. Harry felt himself trembling. _Snape isn't Uncle Vernon… he isn't my uncle. He is my professor…. They are not the same person. _Harry repeated those words to himself a few times before he answered to Snape.

"I ...I... just wanted to know …," but the questions he had, had slipped away during his brief moment of panic. He shook his head and said, "Never mind, sir."

Snape narrowed his eyes at him for a second, before he carried on walking.

"Stop wasting time and get a move on," the professor growled.

Harry sighed, wondering what he had gotten himself into.

It wasn't long until they reached the entrance and trekked their way through the grounds, all the way to the gates of the school. Still afraid to ask questions, Harry assumed they were going to Apparate or take a Portkey to the campsite.

"Grab on to my arm, Potter," Snape ordered, once they were a good distance away from Hogwarts.

Finally summoning up some Gryffindor courage, Harry asked, "Where are we going, sir?" As he grabbed onto the professor's sleeve.

"You'll see when we get there. It's too risky to say the location here. We cannot risk being followed."

"Are you sure this is a good idea? I mean what if they track us?"

Snape didn't answer Harry's last question, for he Disapparated with a loud pop. Harry felt his insides squeeze together. His chest tightened, constraining the air in his lungs. It was like he was going down on a long, steep, dive while playing Quidditch. The dive was so steep, and so fast, to the point where he was forced to hold his breath. Harry closed his eyes in discomfort, waiting for the feeling to pass.

"You can open your eyes now."

Harry opened them and gaped. They were in a forest and by the looks of it, they were in pretty deep. He watched, as Snape right away began enchanting spells around them, until Harry can see a rather large, dome-like shape, surrounding them.

Once Snape was done, he pulled out several small parcels from his pocket and resized them.

"From this moment on," Snape said as he stood next to Harry. "We are both going to promise each other that we are not allowed to use magic."

"But why, sir? What if someone breaks through your barriers?"

"Are you insinuating, that you do not trust my power in shields and barriers?"

"No, but you never know."

"That is why I'm still going to have my wand on me, but I'm not using magic for common household things as we camp. The only times we will use magic is if we are practicing dueling, occlumency, or you're working on your homework."

"So, you're still not giving back my wand?"

Snape growled, "you know exactly what to do if you want it back."

Harry scowled, he did know. But the problem was, that Snape was asking for the impossible from him. Harry then realized another thing... Snape had mentioned homework?!

"Wait…I'm still doing homework? I finished it!"

"Yes, I know you did. I even checked over it. However, I was displeased to find that it wasn't your very best, Potter. Especially, your Potions assignments. I'm surprised you even made it to sixth year with those atrocious marks of yours! Worst than Longbottom, honestly!"

"I thought you promised you'll stop criticizing me!"

"I'm not criticizing you. I'm criticizing your marks in your classes, because I know you can do better, especially in Potions!"

Harry groaned, "are you going to be tutoring me in Potions as well on this trip?"

"You guessed correctly."

Harry sighed in disappointment. He wished he was back in his room. Not out in the middle of the freaking woods, with this snarky Potions Professor! For the millionth time, he wished Ron and Hermione were with him.

"Can I still send letters to my friends?"

"Unfortunately, you cannot, because someone can track your owl over here. You are going to have to wait until we are back at Hogwarts."

Disappointment sank into Harry's stomach. He missed his friends. It would had been great if they were here with him. For if they were, this trip would've actually been fun.

"Stop sulking and help me set up camp," Snape said as he began to open up the tent.

"Where exactly are we, sir?" Harry asked once again, as he began to help Snape. He grabbed the opposite ends of the tent and laid it out.

"Make sure there are no rocks in the bottom! Merlin, forbid! If I get stabbed in my sleep or I if throw my back out!"

Harry couldn't help but laugh, momentarily forgetting about his question.

"What are you laughing at, Potter?"

"It's just strange... You know? Like… you've always been this strict professor to me and now you're talking normally to me, like throwing your back out for instance."

Snape snorted, "just make sure there are no rocks in the bottom!"

"Okay... Okay… no there's nothing!"

After they laid down the tent, Snape showed Harry how to peg the ends of it into the ground. As Harry worked, the professor began to set up the camp fire and the food on the old wooden picnic bench.

Once everything was set up, Harry sat on one of the logs near the small campfire. It was now five in the morning and he was shivering. Snape sat next to him and gave him a plate of scrambled eggs that he had cooked in the grill.

"Eat up, Potter. After you eat, we are hiking to see the sunrise."

"Do we have too? I mean, I think I'll rather go back to sleep," Harry yawned.

"Where is your sense of adventure? And don't tell me you don't have any, after all of the adventures you got into the past six years at Hogwarts."

"I'm surprised you're even calling it adventures. For you normally call it, rule breaking," Harry answered in between bites.

"I'm trying to be civil here and you're not making it easy, Potter," Snape growled but Harry can see amusement in his black eyes as he sipped his tea.

* * *

Before Harry knew it, Snape was leading him up a long, steep, winding path up a slope. He had no idea how far they've been walking or where they were even going, probably somewhere high enough to see the sunrise. The long hike had warmed him up, but the hill was so steep he had to stop every ten minutes. Until after the fourth stop, Snape handed him a peach from a small, black bag he was carrying.

"I'm not very hungry, sir. Can I just have some water?" Harry asked as he bent over and put his hands on his knees.

_This hike isn't worth the sunrise,_ he bitterly thought.

"No, water will make you sick. You can have some when we reach the top. Hang in there, Potter, we are almost there. The peach is for your low blood sugar. I don't want you getting sick. Just take a couple of bites."

"Okay, fine," Harry muttered, before he took several bites.

Snape then walked ahead. Harry was feeling so tired. His muscles ached and his chest hurt. He couldn't believe he was this out of shape. He was fine just a month ago! But then he hadn't been doing much exercise at the Dursleys, or in Snape's quarters, and he barley started eating right. Thanks to Snape, who made sure he ate his vegetables every day.

Harry took a couple of more bites and stopped walking. To his disbelief, Snape kept going at a brisk pace.

_How is he bloody doing it? Merlin, I'm dying here!_

He picked up a large branch that had fallen and used it as a hiking stick to help him catch up to the professor, who suddenly stopped. Harry sighed in relief, _Merlin, I made it! _

"Stop dawdling, Potter!" Snape said as he sat down a foot away from the cliff face.

"I'm trying to breathe!" Harry shouted as he put all his weight on his trusty hiking stick, walking the last few feet up the slope.

"Hurry up, you're going to miss it!"

_I can't figure out if he is more annoying in a good mood, like now, or when he is scowling and muttering at everything_!

Harry finally made it and tossed himself on the ground near Snape.

"Can I have some water now?" He asked, his throat was parched.

Snape handed him the water. "Did you enjoy the hike up here?" he asked him.

Before answering, Harry took a long swig of water and said, "I'm not sure if it's worth seeing a sunrise. That was bloody steep!"

"Language, Potter. You're just out of shape, something that we will take care of while we are here. After all, you haven't been training for Quidditch since the middle of your fifth year. It's understandable."

"Maybe we can jog in the evening? And if you don't mind, sir, letting me practice with my broom also? I won't be seen, I promise to stay in the wards. I know you said no magic, but can I just have this one exception?"

"Well, since it's a sport you enjoy and you do need to get back into shape, I will accept. Only that is, If you promise to not start doing those famous Wronski Feints of yours."

"I promise, sir." Harry couldn't help but grin. Finally something was going his way!

"I've actually already thought that you might ask to ride your broom. So luckily for you, it's in the tent."

"Okay thanks!" Harry said happily as he laid down on his back. The fresh air was actually nice up here, as he looked at the fading stars. He can just see Sirius the Dog Star, slowly disappearing due to the growing morning light.

Grief for his godfather washed over him once more. It should be Sirius who was here camping with him, not Snape.

"I know you miss your godfather."

Harry blinked his eyes, willing away the burning feeling behind his eyes. He didn't want to cry. He cried so much this past summer, it was amazing that he still had tears left to shed. Why couldn't he just have one day free of pain and grief. What was wrong with him? Why did he always feel as if there was a dark cloud hanging over him, always reminding him of Sirius? Of the pain, everything, even his past…, _why can't I just be a normal kid?_

"Come on, Potter, say something, anything. I know you don't trust me, and you have a very good excuse. I haven't been fair to you at all since your first year, but as I've said before, times have changed. Under these circumstances, events have brought us together, allowing us a chance to start over. I'm just trying to help you. I also have nothing to gain from this. I'm not using you for anything. I just want to figure out what is going on inside your head."

"I don't… I'm…." Harry thought hard about what he was trying to say. He knew Snape was pushing him to talk, but he didn't want too. He couldn't trust him. Harry had been hurt and betrayed so many times in the past, to the point where he couldn't take any more chances. He had to protect his heart.

_Yes, I miss Sirius. He was my godfather, he was the only one I had left but now he is gone, because I acted so stupid after I received that vision. If only I listened to my friends... It was my fault... Is that what you're looking for? Because I know you're trying to get me to open up, but I can't fully trust you to not use what I say against me. What if you go off and tell Voldemort everything? What if you start to see what I really am? A freak, and then you'll see why I deserved to be punished by my uncle. I cannot get hurt like that again. I know I've been acting like a brat, I know I'm ungrateful, and I do not deserve to be living in your quarters, but it's what I feel and nothing can change that. Nothing can change the fact that I don't deserve to be happy…._

Harry so much wanted to say those words but he couldn't, he wasn't brave enough. He couldn't make another mistake by placing trust on another adult, especially Snape who….was so much reminding him of Uncle Vernon. He didn't even know why. He just did and it scared Harry deep down inside.

All Harry managed to say in the end was, "I just can't risk it again, Professor. I'm not taking any more chances. I'm done with trusting people…I'm just done."

Snape didn't say anything in return. The sun started to rise, casting a glow on the treetops. It brightened up the forest around them, and the birds began to sing. What appeared dark and shadowed, had brighten up and the forest became alive with light and life.

"You see, Potter, sometimes things do not stay dark for long. The sun will always rise and chase away the shadows. Maybe this time you have to learn to just take another chance because you never know. What if that chance changes your life for the better? What if that chance brightens up your life and pulls you out of the shadows?"

Harry looked up at the professor, "I'm just not ready, sir."

Snape nodded as they both looked at the rising sun and the view surrounding them. Both of them were lost in their own thoughts about the words they shared.

* * *

Once the sun was fully up, along with the birds and creatures of the forest chirping and rustling in the undergrowth, Severus looked down at Potter who was still lying on his back. The boy was falling asleep under the warmth of the sun, still holding onto a large stick he had carried halfway up here. Severus thought about what the boy told him. He knew Potter had a right to not trust any adults, but the boy had to realize that he can trust him. Potter cannot go on drowning himself in his depression, Severus wasn't going to allow it any longer.

"I think, it's a good time as any, to start our first trust exercise." Severus drawled in his most effective intimidating professor tone.

Potter opened his eyes, "you're kidding me, right? Trust exercise? Come on, Professor, I don't think that will solve anything."

"Stand up." Severus decided to ignore the child's whining. He wished Potter could just see that this was for his own good.

Potter stood up, grumbling the whole time about how useless this was.

"Now, stand by that tree over there," Severus instructed as he took up his position, which was a good distance away from the boy, but not too far.

Potter sighed as he took up his position and put his hands in his pockets. "Now what?"

"Tell me, how do you feel when I'm standing this far from you?"

"I don't know. Okay I guess, I mean you're just standing there…."

"Good." Severus didn't expect too much from this distance. He took two big steps closer. So he was now in standing in front of Potter.

"How about now?"

Severus could already see the boy was uneasy with him standing so closely in front of him.

"I feel fine…," Potter muttered.

"No, tell me the truth. How do you feel when I'm this close to you?"

"I said I'm fine!"

Severus can see the boy was still lying and that was unacceptable to him. He wasn't going to let the child have his way and pretend he was feeling okay.

"You're uneasy when I'm this close, Potter. Tell me why?"

"Well of course! Who wouldn't be when your professor is standing right in your face?"

"That's enough cheek from you! This exercise is to help you. Stop acting like a dunderhead and cooperate!"

"You're criticizing me again! You don't even try to stop, every time I get you mad, you throw insults at me!"

"Well, you aren't trying either! You're not cooperating or following directions!"

_I have had it up to here with this kid!_

The only thing that kept Severus from hexing the boy, was his instinct that Potter was getting defensive. But the question was why? Why was the child putting up an angry front? Potter's uneasiness wasn't just because he didn't like Severus standing in front of him. No, the child was upset by something deeper, and Severus was determined to find out what it was.

Potter scowled with a mixture of defiance and irritation, but he didn't say anything more.

Taking advantage of the boy's silence, Severus said, "let's start over." He took a couple of steps back. "Tell me, how do you feel when I am standing here."

Potter sighed in frustration. "Alright I suppose…," he muttered angrily.

Severus took two steps forward. "How about now?"

He can see Potter hiding his true emotions. He can see it in the way his jaw clenched and the way his whole body seemed tensed.

"Uncomfortable, sir."

"Tell me why."

The boy didn't say anything. Severus waited, deciding that insulting him and getting angry wasn't going to work.

Potter shook his head in anger, "I don't know...," he mumbled.

"You do know, Potter. Now spit it out!" Severus couldn't hold back his impatience.

"I don't know!" Potter shouted. He stepped away from Severus, and picked up his hiking stick before he started to walk back down the trail.

Groaning in frustration, Severus began to follow Potter down the trail. He knew the boy was hiding something.

_There is a reason why that insufferable brat was getting so defensive. Maybe, the reason is why he can't trust adults. Or maybe, it's the reason why he can't stand me standing so close to him._

For the past few days, he had definitely noticed the way Potter flinched, or shrugged Severus off whenever he initiated any kind of contact. Something was going on inside that child's head. Something so deep and raw, that Severus knew he was going to have to fight tooth and nail to get Potter to lower down his mental barriers.

Several long moments of pondering about his charge, he made a solemn promise to himself. That whatever secret the boy was hiding, whatever details about the abuse he suffered as a child, Severus would know by the end of this camping trip!

By the time they returned to camp, it was almost lunch. Severus decided to get it ready, letting Potter have a nice long sulk. Maybe than he would cool off. Once lunch was done, he set out to find the stubborn boy. He walked down the trail leading to the lake, as that was where Potter had sulked off too earlier.

Once Severus reached the lake, he right away spotted the sulking Gryffindor throwing rocks in the lake. He stood there for a few seconds, before realizing Potter was trying to skip rocks. The boy was horrible at it. It made Severus realize, that this child probably never had anyone to show him how to do it. He wondered if this was the first time Potter had been on an actual camping trip. Severus remembered his own father teaching him how to skip rocks as a small boy. His father's gentle tone as he taught him the right way to hold the rock before he tossed it. The way his father had a proud look when Severus finally got a couple of good skips before the rock sunk into the water.

The familiar old pain washed over him, whenever he thought of the man his father used to be. Before he let alcohol and depression take over his soul.

Severus walked loudly towards Potter so he wouldn't startle him.

"I can show you how to skip rocks properly," Severus offered as Potter attempted to skip another rock but it just sank in the water. "It's the way you hold it before you throw the rock that causes it to skip."

Potter shrugged and gave Severus his rock.

Severus held the rock so he can show him how he was doing it. "Now, hold the rock with your thumb and middle finger. Then place your index finger on the edge and throw."

He released the stone and it flew in the air above the water, it skipped ten times before it sank into the water.

Potter whistled in amazement. "Nice one, Professor." He picked up a stone and tried to mirror the way Severus held his rock a moment ago.

"Just move your index finger to the edge," Severus instructed but he made no move to step closer to help him. He didn't want to chase his charge away. He was surprised that Potter was acting civil right now, and was even accepting his help.

"Like this, sir?" Potter held the rock correctly out for him to inspect.

"Precisely. Now throw," Severus approved.

Potter tossed the rock far into the lake. It skipped about five times before it sunk in the water. Potter smiled and shouted in triumph.

"You did better than me when I first tried it," Severus said with amusement. "I only managed three good skips."

"Who taught you, sir?" Potter asked causally as he skipped another rock.

"My father, it was a long time ago." Severus decided to be truthful. Maybe this will earn him some trust. Maybe, in order to get Potter to open up to him, he also had to do the same.

"Was he a good father?" Potter asked.

"He used to be," Severus answered as he also skipped another rock. He thought it would be hard talking about his own father to Potter, but strangely it wasn't. The words just flew out and maybe he needed this trip as much as Potter did.

"Oh, I'm sorry," Potter muttered as he skipped another rock. "I shouldn't have asked."

"No, Potter. I don't mind at all, although I've never told anyone before. Your mother was the only one I've told when we went to school together."

"You were friends with her? But what I saw in the pensive….you called her a mudblood."

"I was young and stupid. We all say things we regret. What you saw was the beginning of our falling out. Before that, we were quite close actually."

"I never knew, sir."

"Of course you didn't. Now come, lunch is ready. I assume you must be hungry?"

"Starving, actually! I swear I can eat a hippogriff right now!" Potter laughed as he tossed another rock in the blue, clear water. It skipped eleven times before it sunk. Potter shouted in triumph, throwing his arms up in the air. Severus couldn't suppress a laugh. It was refreshing at times to see him acting like a child for once.

* * *

The blazing fire warmed Harry's face as he stuck a marshmallow in the flames. He watched the marshmallow turn into a gooey s'more as it caught on fire. He pulled it out and laughed.

"S'more?" he offered it to Snape, who was walking towards him with a cup of tea.

"Don't set yourself on fire! I swear I'll never hear the end of it from Molly Weasley if she found out I let you play with fire."

Harry blew out the orange flames on his s'more and nibbled the edge of it.

"So what are we doing tomorrow, Professor?"

"Hiking, among other things."

"Again?"

"Unless you don't want to see the waterfall and go swimming, then I guess you can stay here and start rewriting what you call a Potions essay."

"You know what? Hiking doesn't actually sound too bad!"

Snape snorted as he sipped his tea."I thought so," he said sarcastically.

After a few moments of Snape poking the fire with a large stick, while Harry ate his delicious, gooey s'more, the Potions Professor asked, "despite our morning argument, how did you enjoy today?"

"It actually wasn't so bad. Thank you for showing me how to skip rocks, and helping me with my charms homework. Also, it felt great flying on my broom today. It's been awhile."

Snape nodded and sipped his tea.

Harry was still thinking about what Snape revealed to him this afternoon. About his own father showing him how to skip rocks. Snape also mentioned that he used to be a good father. But why did he say _used to be_? What happen to Snape senior? Did he die? Or was he like Uncle Vernon?

_If Snape had the same childhood as me, maybe he will understand_...

Harry tried to find the right words to bring up the subject, until he decided to just bluntly ask, "your father took you camping a lot, didn't he? Is this where he took you?"

Snape gave him a searching look before he answered, "Yes, Potter. He did take me camping a lot as a small child. This is in fact was where he always took me. It's one of the reasons why I tried to keep this trip as magic free as possible. So you can experience the same happiness I did as a child."

"Is that why you always changed the subject, every time I asked you where we were?"

Severus nodded, "I didn't want to give away too much. I guess there is no reason to hide our location anymore. We are in the forest of Dean."

Harry nodded. "Do you miss your father?" He so much wanted to ask what happened to him instead. But he didn't want to be rude, and he didn't want to pry too much.

"I miss the father who took me camping, not the one that I've grown to know once I've grown older. You don't mind if I ask, have you ever been camping before?"

"No sir, whenever the Dursleys took Dudley camping, they always left me behind with a neighbor."

"I see…have you ever wondered how it would had been like, if you were ever allowed to go?"

"I don't know, I've never thought of that before. I'm sure my aunt and uncle would had just ignore me the whole trip, and Dudley probably would had pushed me off a cliff if they ever went hiking. Even if hiking or walking isn't exactly something Dudley would agree to do." Harry realized he was rambling now, so he just said, "I don't think it would had been as great as this."

* * *

Severus nodded at his answer. Potter didn't know it, but he let something slip about his past. One simple sentence. His aunt and uncle would had ignored him, even to the point where they would've allowed their son to push him off a cliff. That part was very much disturbing to Severus, especially the way Potter had said it so causally. As if it were normal to him… _It is normal to him. Potter only expects neglect from his relatives. _

"Why wouldn't it had been as great as this?" Severus knew he was practically asking the same question, but he wanted to get more information out of him.

"Um… because they will spend the whole weekend letting me know I wasn't wanted there."

"How?"

"By ignoring me, by making me do all the labor, calling me names and allowing Dudley to pick on me." Potter clamped his mouth shut and Severus realized that the boy figured out what he was doing. He waited for the explosion. The famous temper that had come from Lily, no doubt.

But the temper never came.

"Professor? Do you think my aunt and cousin are okay? However they treated me in the past…they don't deserve to stay with my uncle."

"Why not, Potter? Tell me what your uncle is doing to them?" Severus left out the words _and what did he do to you?_ Potter's question had made him realize, that if he didn't address the abuse directly on the boy, Potter didn't deny that abuse was actually happening in the Dursley household. _I have to keep him on track, on the idea that his aunt and cousin are the ones being abused, not him._

"Uncle Vernon, he has a temper and since I'm not there anymore, he is probably taking it out on them."

"Let's say if you were still there, Potter. Let's say if you were there and not here with me, what would you be doing at this time?"

Potter closed his eyes, Severus can see that he was imagining himself back at the Dursleys' household. He noticed Potter's body start to tremble.

"I'll be in my room, hungry and... and I'll be…," the child's face reddened at his unspoken words.

_He'll be hurt….._ Severus didn't press it anymore. He decided that this conversation was over for now.

"I think it's time we turn in," Severus said as he downed the rest of his tea. Potter nodded, looking grateful that Severus had willing changed the subject.

"I'll show you the sleeping arrangements." Severus stood up and led Potter to the tent.

* * *

To Harry's disappointment, the test wasn't like the Weasleys' tent during the Quidditch World Cup. It was in fact an ordinary muggle tent. However, it was pretty big. So Harry and Snape would have plenty of space.

Snape tossed him a sleeping bag and pillow. "Pick out your corner," he said. "I'm going to clean up before I get to bed."

He left the tent, leaving Harry to unroll his sleeping bag in the far side of the tent. He found his rucksack inside and quickly changed into his pajamas. By the time Snape came in, Harry was already underneath his warm sleeping bag. He wondered if the professor had put a warming charm on it because it was freezing inside the tent.

"Are you ready to close your mind?"

Harry nodded. Snape sat down next to him on the floor. "Close your eyes. Focus on your wall. Focus on every detail."

Harry imagined his wall, a dark red brick wall that was twenty feet tall.

"Now, breathe in and out. Focus on nothing but your breathing and the sound of my voice. Imagine that wall protecting your mind."

Harry focused on his breathing. He imagined his wall until his mind began to shut out all of his thoughts. It wasn't long until Snape's voice began to fade away, and finally he gave into the heavy lull of sleep.

* * *

**Day Two**

"Are you sure we aren't lost?" Harry called again to Snape who was several feet ahead of him. Harry put all his weight on his hiking stick as he forced his tired body to walk up the steep hill.

"Can't we just use a point me spell?"

"We are not lost, we are almost there. Hurry up!"

"Right, cus that large rock over there can be at two places at once," Harry muttered as he bit into his granola bar.

His muscles screamed in protest, sweat dripped down his face under the stifling heat. He was glad that Snape bought him shorts, he would had died in pants.

He examined the view around him. There was nothing but trees and rock going up the slope. The rustling of rodents were heard in the undergrowth. Squirrels occasionally ran from tree to tree, and birds sang in the tree tops above them. This hike was much more intense than the one yesterday morning.

Harry wondered if this was the way Snape planned to murder him for Voldemort. Make him hike to death and blame it on the stupid camping trip. After all the talks Harry shared with his professor, all the stories and training, he still couldn't help but remain reserved about where Snape's loyalties laid. Harry wanted to trust Snape, he wanted to give into the longing of confiding to an adult, and feel all the burden of his grief and pain be lifted off his shoulders. But whenever Harry tried to mention something about his past, the question _can I trust him_? burned in his mind. Then the familiar pain of heartache and disappointment right after reminded Harry why he couldn't trust not only Snape, but every adult.

"Hurry up, Potter! We made it!" Snape shouted from the top of the slope. Summoning up the rest of his energy, Harry climbed faster up to the top to see what was at the end of the trail. He began to notice the foliage around him was a darker shade of green. The sound of roaring water canceled out the natural sounds of the forest. The air began to feel a little cooler and sprays of water cooled off Harry's skin.

Once he finally made it to the top, he leaned against the tree as he caught his breath. Snape turned his head slightly and motioned for Harry to come closer and see.

Harry moved besides his potions professor and gave out a small intake of breath. The sight that met his eyes was amazing! They were on top of a glorious waterfall! Daring to step closer to the edge, he looked down to see clear, white, roaring water falling to meet a deep, blue pool. He watched as the falling water sprayed down onto large boulders, creating a mist of cool water. Harry felt Snape's hand pull him back roughly.

"Away from the edge, Potter," he growled in annoyance. Harry shrugged off the professor's hold on him but still accepted the water canteen from him. Harry drank several large gulps of water before he began to follow Snape down a thin, rocky trail that led to the pool beneath the waterfall.

Once they finally reached the end of the trail, Harry sat down on the rocks and breathed a sigh of relief. He couldn't believe he actually made it. This whole hiking thing was tough, especially the fact that Snape wasn't making it any easier by picking out the toughest trails up the steepest hills.

"We will eat lunch here and then we can practice dueling. After, you can have a break and go for a swim. Before we leave, we are also going to have another attempt at the trust exercise we did not get to finish yesterday," Snape explained as he handed Harry a sandwich and an apple from a small black bag.

Harry groaned inwardly. Why did Snape insist on doing those bloody, useless exercises?

* * *

They ate their lunch in a comfortable silence. Severus stared out at the descending waterfall. In front of him, the boy was sitting on a large, flat boulder that was lying halfway on the shore and jutting out over the water. Severus didn't fail to notice how tense Potter had gotten at the mention of trust exercise. He knew Potter despised it and saw it as pointless, but what the child didn't know, was that the trust exercises had a very large purpose to what Severus was trying to achieve. The exercises were tools to get Potter to open up.

Every day, Severus can see Potter was slipping deeper and deeper into depression. He was even surprised that the child still showed an interest in Quidditch or even dueling. It was whenever Potter wasn't busy, that Severus can see the grief and depression in his eyes. Or like how one minute, Potter was smiling and laughing but it wasn't true. For his laughter never reached his eyes and his smile would falter after a few moments. It was times like those when Severus can see how mentally tired Potter was of his life. It was those moments that scared him, although he would never admit it to anyone, not even Albus. Those moments scared Severus because he can see how ready Potter was, to just end it all.

Severus was also glad that the infant charm he put on the Potter's hands was working, because several times each day, he had caught him trying to scratch himself when he was stressed or left alone with his wandering thoughts. Making a mental note to keep a close eye on Potter cutting himself with things he may find out in the forest, Severus packed away his trash inside his small black bag.

It was time they started on the dueling. Potter wasn't so bad. In fact, he was stronger than many of his peers at Hogwarts, but the boy still had a lot to learn.

"It's time we get started," he announced.

Potter sat up and put his trash away. Severus handed him his wand. When they were dueling or practicing spells on Severus' supervision, was the only time Potter was allowed to have it. Only when Severus deemed the boy ready and healthy in mind and spirit, then the boy can have his wand back.

"IMPEDIMENTA!" Snape shouted. He gave Potter no time to prepare once they were done with the formalities of dueling.

Potter dodged the spell at the very last second, fell over and rolled onto his side.

"Lacarnum Inflamare!" Severus shouted. A ball of flames shot out of his wand straight towards his young opponent.

"Aquamenti!" Potter shouted, putting out his fire. His green eyes were alive with the fighting spirit that Severus thought he'll never see again. "Levicorpus!" the boy threw the spell right him.

Severus nonverbally threw up a shield, blocking Potter's spell. The boy was now back on his feet, with a challenging smirk on his face.

"Acendio!" Severus shouted at the same time as Potter shouted, "Protego!"

Potter's shield rebounded Severus' spell, who was able to block it just in time.

Suddenly, Potter started casting an abundance of quick spells at him and for awhile, all Severus could do, was hold up his shield as he fired back. After an hour and a half of dueling, he deemed that Potter had enough practice for today.

"Protego!" Severus shouted. The spell reflected Potter's spell. Severus took the small fraction of a second to throw a second curse at the boy while he put up his shield.

"Steleus!" the spell hit Potter right in the chest. Suddenly the boy couldn't stop sneezing, his shield began to weaken and Severus took his chance.

_Tarantallegra!_ He said nonverbally. The boy's feet were uncontrollable. His shield went down and Severus wasted no time, "Expelliarmus!" he shouted. Potter's wand flew through the air. Severus caught it at the same time as he sent the counter curses to stop his opponent's dancing legs and uncontrollable sneezing.

"I think, that is enough for now," Severus said as he pocketed Potter's wand.

He ignored the disappointed look that flashed on the boy's face. If he wanted his wand back so badly, he knew what to do. Severus had no intention in giving him chances or babying him.

"Your curses are remarkable and also your reflexives. But it is your shields that needs work. You cannot let yourself become distracted."

"How am I supposed to keep up a shield at the same time as throwing out a curse? I only have one wand."

"Strategy, Potter. Think, you have to think."

Deciding that it will be easier to just show him what he meant instead of explaining, Snape drew out Potter's wand once more and gave it back to him.

Once they were back in position, Severus casted the first curse, "Levicorpus!" Potter right away blocked it, so he fired another curse and shouted, "Come on, Potter. Hex me back!"

"I can't with the shield!"

"For the love of Merlin! Just try!"

"Expelliarmus!" Potter shouted but his shield went down and Severus was able to hit the spell with Protego, resulting in Potter's wand flying towards him again.

"That's what we are going to be working on tomorrow. Like I said, it's not using two spells at once, its strategy. You have to find that little pause, that hesitation in your opponent as you throw out a hex. Use that hesitation to throw up your shield before they find the chance to fire back.

Potter nodded, "okay, I see what you mean, sir."

"Good."

"You were doing some nonverbal spells. I was wondering if you can teach me."

"Only once you mastered shields, Potter."

"Okay, sir. I'll work on it and also I'll think of some strategies today."

"Good, now you can go for a swim if you want."

"Are you going to swim?"

"I don't think so, Potter. Now go, take your break. You deserve it."

"Okay thanks, Professor."

"Go on."

The boy didn't need any more coaxing. He right away took his shorts off, revealing the swimming shorts he had on underneath and ran up the small rocky slope. He then cannonballed right into the water, causing a very large, obnoxious splash. Severus suppressed a small smile once more at Potter's childness.

_If only he had more moments like those_…. he thought, as he pulled out his book and began to read under the shade of a large tree.

* * *

"I really don't see the point in this," Harry grumbled as he stood a few feet away from Snape. They were doing the bloody proximity exercise thing again, and he was getting really annoyed at the professor's determination to follow through with this.

"Tell me, how do you feel about me standing here?" Snape called out.

"Okay, Professor. I really don't care that you're standing there."

Snape took a few more steps closer. "How about now?"

Snape was two arms' length away. It was the length Harry always made sure to keep whenever he was standing near Uncle Vernon. "I'm okay with that, sir." Harry forced himself to not roll his eyes.

Now Snape was less than an arm's length away from him. Harry forced himself to remain calm, for this was the length Uncle Vernon usually stood whenever he yelled at Harry, before grabbing him.

A sudden memory popped in his mind. It was of Uncle Vernon yelling at him. Harry was standing the same length away from him as Snape was now.

"_Come here, boy!"_

_Harry only shook his head. He was four years old. Tears welled up in his eyes and his limbs quivered in fear. Uncle Vernon growled in frustration and yanked Harry towards him by the arm. His shoulder wrenched in pain. Harry gave out a small squeak of pain and fear. "I'll be good, Uncle Vernon. Please, I'll be good, I promise! Just let me go!" Harry cried at the intense pain. "It hurts!" he cried._

The words echoed in Harry's mind. _It hurts! Everything fucking hurts!_ He took a deep breath and tried to force his racing heart to calm down, before Snape noticed.

"What are you thinking about, Potter? When I'm standing an arm length away from you, you start stressing out. What does this remind you of?"

Harry shook his head, as tears began to roll down his cheeks. They were warm and fast. His throat choked up, his whole body began to shake. His uncle's screams continue to echo in his head.

The pain he felt that day, when Uncle Vernon pulled his arm out of the socket, came back to him alive and burning. Harry held his shoulder with his left hand, remembering his uncle's words. _"You deserve that pain you little freak! That's what you get for even living in my house! This should teach you to misbehave again!"_

Before Harry knew it, he was sitting on his knees. Snape knelt down, but he didn't put a hand on his shoulder or anything. He gave Harry his space and he was grateful for that.

"What are you remembering?" Snape asked gently.

Harry shook his head and wiped away his tears. He didn't want to tell Snape, he didn't want to tell him that Uncle Vernon, standing an arm's length away, meant that Harry was going to get an arm pulled, or his hair was going to get pulled, or his ear, or perhaps even strangled. He didn't want to admit it. He didn't want to admit that he was broken and beaten. Snape will only see all of that as abuse, but Harry knew deep down inside that he wasn't a victim of abuse.

_I'm not abused….I'm not, I was just a bad kid who did bad things. I'm a freak, they had every right to treat me like that…_

Harry looked up at Snape from under his fringe of his drying wet hair. "I deserved it."

"What did you deserve, Potter?"

"You say that it was all abuse, but it was not because I deserved it all! Those were all punishments Uncle Vernon had to give me. I was a freak! A bad kid who deserved to be hit!" he shouted. "I wasn't abused and this stupid exercise is a fucking waste of time!"

He expected Snape to shout back, to shoot him with his nasty cold glares, but no, his Potions Professor just shook his head and said, "you didn't deserve that. No matter how terrible you were as a child, you did not deserve that sort of treatment. No child deserves to be hit like that. That is why we call it abuse."

More tears rolled down his cheeks. "No your wrong...," he choked out. "You weren't there. You didn't see how bad I was."

"Then open up, Potter. Let me in and I'll be the judge to see if you deserved your uncle's so called punishments or your aunt's neglect."

"I can't Professor, I… just cant."

* * *

The cupboard was dark and stuffy. Harry was sleeping on his dirty cot, curled up in a tight ball to keep himself warm. Suddenly, heavy footsteps and a sound of a door opening interrupted Harry out of sleep. It was Uncle Vernon, who was returning home drunk. Harry shivered from fear instead of the cold. He knew what was coming. His uncle was going to teach him a lesson for being a freak. No matter how terrified Harry was, he knew he deserved it.

The cupboard door slammed open. Harry yelled out in surprise and fear... always fear.

"Don't you dare scream!" his uncle roared.

His breath smelled of alcohol and his words slurred. Harry backed away as far as possible from his uncle's reaching hands, since he couldn't fit inside the cupboard. The hands inched closer to Harry, so he pressed himself against the wall and covered his face. He didn't know what else to do, he was only three years old. Only three and he never felt so scared in his life.

His uncle grabbed him by his shirt and pulled him out. Uncle Vernon began to strangle him until he started to see spots that clouded his vision, before he was thrown to the floor, gasping for breath. He backed away from his uncle who was towering over him. At three years old, Uncle Vernon was always the monster in Harry's nightmares.

He cried out as the first kick landed in his side. Harry looked up and saw the gleaming, evil, red eyes of Uncle Vernon, his teeth grew sharper and his laugh rang out through the house, ten times louder than normal. His uncle's features began to change, until suddenly Snape was standing over him with his hand raised for another strike. Harry screamed and covered his face. He screamed until he felt someone shaking him awake.

"Potter! Potter! Wake up!"

Harry opened his eyes to see Uncle Vernon looming over him in the dark. Harry yelled out in fear. He felt his heart race in panic.

"No…don't hurt me," he cried.

Still drowsy and confused from a heavy sleep, Harry still believed he was that three year old boy from his dream. He could see the shape of his uncle's body coming closer to him with his giant hand rising to strike.

"No, Uncle Vernon! I'll be good! I promise I'll be good!" he moved away from Uncle Vernon. "Nooooo….please Nooooo…! "

"Potter!"

Harry flinched at the sound of his last name. That voice so familiar, but yet he couldn't comprehend who it belonged too, his uncle or Snape. So he backed all the way to the wall and wrapped his arms around his knees. Burying his head in his lap, he laid out a strangled sob. He just wanted to die.

"Potter, look at me," a gentle voice said.

He didn't want too. He didn't want to look at Uncle Vernon. He didn't want to get hurt.

"I'm not your uncle, Potter. It's me Professor Snape. Do you remember where you are?"

Harry tried to remember, but he was so scared and lost. He was still half asleep.

"My cupboard," he whispered. "I'm in my cupboard, and I'm a freak. I know you're going to punish me… you're going to punish me because I'm bad!"

He broke down in a heart wrenching sob and couldn't stop, he was just so tired of it all! The pain inside was too much, it was too overwhelming. Harry started to scratch his arm hard, hoping to feel the pain come alive but he couldn't break open his skin. He couldn't scratch hard enough to leave a mark or even feel any pain. He screamed out in frustration, until someone held his arm away.

"Get off!" he shouted as he yanked his arm away. He couldn't having any human contact right now. He didn't deserve to anyways, after all he was a freak.

"Harry, look at me!"

Harry flinched. He angered his uncle. Now a punch or a kick was surly to come.

"I'm sorry, I'm sorry," he cried over and over again.

Fear effected the magic pumping in his veins, it made the air around them tense as accidental magic began to rise, until his hands glowed with a strong yellow light. Finally, Harry was able to scratch his arm so hard that he was able to draw blood.

"No!" his uncle shouted.

A vice like grip closed around Harry's right arm. Another arm forcibly lifted up his chin. Harry suddenly saw the face of Severus Snape. The one in his dream.

Overwhelming fear took over to the point where Harry couldn't move, couldn't talk, he just kept seeing Uncle Vernon in Snape's eyes.

"I am not your uncle," Snape said. "Don't you dare compare me to that monster! Even though you somehow see no difference between us, there is Harry! That muggle may not had cared for you but I do! That's the difference! But you're too blind and stubborn to see it! Now stop this nonsense. Calm down, because I'm right here for you. I'm not going to hurt you."

Harry gaped at Snape, he couldn't believe what the professor was telling him. That he suddenly cared for him? But wasn't Uncle Vernon supposed to care for him too? After all, that is why Uncle Vernon worked so hard to discipline him. Maybe that's what Snape meant. By saying he cared for Harry just so he can discipline him, just like how Uncle Vernon did.

Harry wrenched his arm away from the professor and glared at him with anger. The sleepiness and confusion had now faded away. Harry was now aware of where he was and who Snape was.

"There is no difference, Professor," he said in a defiant, cold voice. "If you say you care for me, just like Uncle Vernon used to say to me, I'm sure your punishments will be exactly the same."

* * *

Severus gaped at the boy sitting down in front of him. Blood was rising out of the deep scratches on his left arm, tears were still streaming down his face, and those eyes, those glaring, bright-green eyes.

He understood completely why Potter was so unwilling to trust him. Severus knew the reason had to be more than himself being an adult. For Snape knew Potter didn't fully trust any adult, but he didn't push away Dumbledore, Lupin or even the Weasleys the way the boy pushed Severus away. Now Severus just found out the reason, Potter associated him with his uncle. Now all Severus had to do was find out why. Why did the boy see his uncle when he looked at him?

"Give me your arm, Potter. Let me heal that scratch," Severus commanded and held out his hand to the boy.

Potter looked reluctant to follow Severus' order but he did it anyway. As Severus healed his arm and recasted a new charm to prevent more scratching, he felt Potter's accidental magic began to fade. Meaning, the boy was growing tired once more.

"Go back to bed, we'll talk about this in the morning."

The child only nodded. Severus was slightly disappointed. He thought that once he admitted to Potter that he had grown to care for him, then he will see that Severus was someone to be trusted. But no, the problem was way deeper than he had expected. It was going to take a lot of work to earn the boy's trust and help him through his depression and self-harm. Severus sighed as he covered Potter with an extra blanket. Exhaustion crept up to him and he can feel it in his muscles and bones.

_I'm growing too old for your missions, Albus, _he thought. _Even though this mission has now become my own._

Potter turned away, not daring to look at him. And Severus was sure that if he saw the boy's face, he would see the look of someone who has given up, ready to die.

**A/N: *peeks out from behind laptop, ready to duck when readers starts throwing vegetables at me* I'm sorry I kept you waiting! This chapter is really important and I wanted to make sure it was completely ready before posting.**

**Okay so the whole Day One and Day Two signifies the number of days Sev and Harry have gone camping.**

**Also, If you have any questions about the trust exercise Severus was trying to do with Harry, it's called Proximity Detector. We all have a personal box or bubble around us where we only let certain people in our lives cross. The closer we allow someone to stand near us the more we trust and vice versa. This exercise helps Harry by allowing Severus to cross his personal bubble, thus creating a trust between them. Snape chooses this exercise because he knows that Harry, as a small child has never had any physical affection from his relatives. That is one of the reasons why Harry cannot trust, along with always being let down by the adults in his life and everything he has gone through. That mistrust Harry has in him is what Severus is working so hard to change…you can find out more about this exercise at **

** . #proxm**

**Once you click just keep scrolling down until you find Proximity Detector. **

**Now enough of that nonsense! On to the dedications and thank yous! :D**

**Dark Neko 4000:**** That's actually a pretty good theory haha and Harry and Sev are in pretty deep inside the Forest of Dean. **

**Jamage:**** I know our poor Moony! **** He won't be there throughout the whole story so cheer up **

**Lupinesence:**** Thank you I'm glad you liked it!**

**Caraline Fisher:**** I hope you enjoyed this one! Thanks for your review :D**

**Guest:**** I'm sorry you didn't like the last chapter, and thought it was a waste of time. I was trying to show some background between Remus and Sirius and the relationship they had, and how much Sirius meant to Remus. Just be patient because it will all come together soon. Every chapter I write has a purpose to the story. So keep reading ;)**

**Cynder2013:**** you just have to wait and see **

**Thank you also for all of the favs and new followers! They all mean so much to me and receiving those every other day fills me with encouragement to keep writing! Now tell me what you liked about this chapter! **

**What made you laugh? What made you cry? Do you think Severus is trying to murder Harry by hiking up steep hills? Is Harry being too dramatic? Do you just want to yell at Harry to get his act together and see that Severus is trying to help him? And for the love of God what do you think Remus might be up too in the next chapter?Did you forget about him? Please don't! He's still missing! D=**

**Okay everyone, next chapter will be on Moony and I'll just stop pestering you now and start writing it lol **


	10. Chapter 10 Hopeless

**Chapter Ten - Hopeless**

**The day before the full moon**

Darkness.

Pain.

The stench of sickness and blood.

Gentle hands…, a soothing voice.

Memories… or were they dreams? That flashed though his mind.

_The Marauders trekking in the snow. The frosty, stinging chill. It numbed their cheeks and noses. James wrapped his arms around Sirius' and Remus' shoulders. He laughed out loud at something Sirius had said._

Remus moaned in pain.

_Sirius…._

_Those blue-grey eyes... _

_The warmth of Sirius' hand covering his own before Remus opened his eyes in the hospital wing._

_The sound of a baby laughing... A brooding teenager with bright green eyes, dark with sorrow._

_Harry…._

Remus opened his eyes. His vision was blurry and he shivered from the cold sweat that covered his body. A man was standing over him, saying something, but Remus couldn't understand him.

_What day is it? Where I am?_

The voice became distant. The man's bronze framed glasses glinted in the weak rays of sunlight, which was coming in from a small window above. Remus was lying on his back. The cold stone floor underneath was hard, it made his muscles ache. The world began to sway and he closed his eyes to make it stop.

Darkness took over once more….

"Wake up!" another person growled.

A sharp kick connected to Remus' tender ribs, bringing him back to reality. He gasped in pain as he weakly pressed his broken ribs with his hand. Before he knew it, gentle hands lifted his head and a potion was being shoved down his throat. Remus didn't fight back. He had no fight left in him. The potion took away his pain.

Remus sighed in relief. He opened his eyes to see Healer Matt standing over him. He checked Remus' eyes with the light coming from his wand. Remus groaned from the bright light. He tried to talk, but he couldn't form any words. His mouth was so dry.

"He needs to have water, Greyback. You can't expect him to survive like this without water or food. He's incredibly sick!" the healer said as he wiped Remus' forehead with a damp cloth. "Keep this up and you won't have a prisoner left by the end of this week."

Remus closed his eyes again. The coolness of the cloth felt so good against his burning skin.

"No, stay awake now, Lupin!" the healer said gently.

Remus groaned. _What if I don't?_ He thought. _What if I just give into the darkness? I just want to sleep…._

Suddenly soft struggling was heard. Remus opened his eyes a crack to see who it was coming from. Once he saw who it was, Remus threw his eyes wide open, rolled away from the healer and sat up. He bared his teeth in a growl, completely running on pure adrenaline and protective instinct from the wolf.

"Let her go," he rasped.

Greyback was holding Kaylie with his wand pressed to her throat.

"I don't know, Matt, he looks okay to me. He is sitting up, so I think the mutt can manage without water for another night or two." He bared his yellow teeth at Remus.

"I told you, I was going to find a way to get you on the right side, son. You belong here, not with that old fool. I've noticed how difficult you've become when it comes to… how do you put it? _Harming children_? So let's see what happens when I leave your old friend's daughter in here tonight."

Remus gapped, "but how did you?"

"Know?" Greyback laughed and he jabbed his wand deeper into Kaylie's throat. Her face was stony, void of the fear Remus knew she must be feeling. For the only thing that gave it away, was the way her whole body was trembling.

"How do you think our young Kaylie came to join us, Remus?" the werewolf growled, his yellow eyes shining in the shadows of the cellar. "Has Dumbledore ever told you the truth of how Johnathan Porter died?"

Remus gapped, "It was... he said it was an ambush. That was all I was told. I didn't...," Remus' voice died away in shock.

After James and Lily died, after Sirius was sent off to Azkaban, and Harry was gone... Remus had disappeared from the wizarding world. He buried himself in meaningless muggle jobs to keep himself fed and sheltered and most importantly, to forget the pain of grief he suffered from the loss of his friends, of his family.

When the news of Johnathan Porter's death reached him, Remus never asked for the details. He merely accepted that he was ambushed. Grief had taken over Remus, and so he had thought, _what was one more dead friend to add to the load_... During that time, the only news he expected to hear from the wizarding world, was death.

"You killed him!" Remus tried to shout but his voice came out horsed. "You bloody killed him and Merlin! You kidnapped his daughter! You turned her into a werewolf! An innocent child, you bastard! You fucken monster, I'll never join you!"

"Calm down now, son," Greyback laughed. "By tomorrow morning, you will see the errors of your ways and I'll be ready to accept you back into the family. But now, we are running out of time."

"No…," Remus felt himself shake in horror, as he realized what Greyback was planning to do. He was going to leave Kaylie in here with him on the night of the full moon! No, that was Johnathan's daughter! If only Remus had cared enough to find out the truth about his friend's death. If only he had taken Kaylie before Greyback got a hold of her! Before he raised her! Remus blanched at the idea of a child being raised by Greyback, the horrors she might had seen. Remus didn't even want to know the things he taught her.

It was too much, suddenly he threw up all over the stone floor. He groaned and clutched his head between his hands, trying to stop the world from spinning.

Matt laid him down on his side gently, whispering soothing words of comfort. Remus couldn't understand a word he was saying.

"Remus is very sick, Greyback, the potion should take care of his fever and pain but that infection is poisoning his blood. You must let me take care of it, or he won't survive the full moon tonight in this condition!"

Greyback growled and pushed Kaylie down to the floor next to Remus. A metal cuff appeared around her right ankle, chaining her to the wall. Remus tried to lift himself up, he wanted to protect the girl but his body felt so weak. All he could do was reach out and grab her hand.

"What have I said about traitors, girl? What have I said about what happens to scum like you?"

_She betrayed him? What did Kaylie do?_

"Remus is going to die, Greyback!" she shouted. She squeezed Remus' hand but kept her gaze on their capturer. "You need to let Matt treat him! He can't live on those useless pain potions!"

"My orders were clear. No one associates with this animal! No one! After everything that I've done for you! After I raised you, and how do you repay me? By sneaking in here to associate with the prisoner, going against my orders, by convincing Matt to heal him magically! Did you really think you were going to get away with this? Well... you thought wrong, you stupid girl! Because as of now, you are a prisoner along with this traitor!"

The werewolf knelt down and pulled Remus' head up by his hair, forcing Remus to look at him. Remus can see the evil golden eyes of Greyback and his sharp yellow fangs.

"Maybe, she can tell you what you did two days ago before you passed out my son, because all it takes to get you to cooperate, is a few pain potions," he laughed with malice. Remus growled at him, wrenching his face away from Greyback's grip.

"Leave us!" Greyback shouted. Matt the healer quickly gather up his supplies and left the cellar, leaving Greyback alone with his prisoners.

"No matter how hard you try to fight it, Remus, you are a werewolf. You are my son. You have shown me that you can be that. You just need to let go and forget Dumbledore, forget those humans you call friends! It is time you realize who you are and embrace it!"

"I'm not your fucken son!" Remus shouted. He had enough of this shit! He had enough of Greyback trying to get him on Voldemort's side. If Greyback thought by having Remus kill Kaylie was going to break him? He was wrong. Because if Remus' wolf kills Kaylie tonight, then Remus swore he would not lose himself to grief this time! No, he was going to fight back. He was going to refuse the dark all the way until his own death.

"Kaylie can't stay here! When that full moon comes, I will kill her!" he shouted he tried to get up again but pain shot through his chest. Remus rolled over onto his stomach as he yelled out in pain. A wave of nausea washed over him. Remus swallowed the bile rising up in his throat. He wasn't going to show how weak he was. Not anymore!

Greyback laughed out loud, "you say that now my son, but let's see how you are in the morning. Have a good night now," and then he was gone.

"No! Don't do this! You can't fucken do this to us!" Remus shouted. The thought of his wolf form tearing Kaylie apart flashed in his mind.

"Remus," Kaylie whispered. "It's hopeless."

"Never," Remus muttered. He curled himself up into a ball, closing his eyes. The wolf inside him was howling mournfully. Remus knew it was in pain too. If he was lucky, he won't survive the transformation tonight. If he was lucky, Remus will die, and Kaylie won't be in danger from him.

"Please just kill me …just let me die… so I can be with Sirius and James and Lily...," he whispered to the heavens.

After a few moments, Kaylie gently pulled Remus' head onto her lap.

"We will be okay, Remus. We will figure something out."

Remus opened his eyes. Embarrassment heated up his face. He should be the one comforting her, not the other way around.

"Kaylie, what did Greyback mean earlier? What did I do before I passed out two days ago?"

Tears began to stream down her face. "You don't want to know."

"Tell me." He rubbed his eyes with his hands. He really didn't want to hear it, for Remus had a sneaking suspicion about what happened, based on the last thing he remembered. His last memory was of the Death Eaters force feeding him pain potion... then everything was blank...they drugged him.

"After you were overdosed on the pain potion, your mind was gone. You weren't you anymore. You were like… completely blank and confused. You didn't know who you were or where you were. So you couldn't control your wolf. The kid that was fighting you, Ben, he was provoking you, trying to get you to fight back and eventually you lost it. You lost control and... and," she stopped talking.

Remus can feel her shaking as she ran her hand through his matted hair. Remus realized he had dried blood on him. He looked at the crusted blood on his hands and arms caked into his skin. His body was so filthy and he knew he smelled. Remus knew he had a stench, but he can smell the blood. And the worst part was, some of the blood wasn't his own… the blood was also someone else's….

"Did I hurt Ben?" he whispered. "Just tell me, Kaylie. I'm a grown man. I can take it."

The girl sobbed for a couple of moments. Remus waited patiently until she pulled herself together.

"You turned completely savage, Remus. You were in your human form but you were wild and bloodthirsty like your wolf. You killed Ben, along with several other kids that fought against you. The Death Eaters had to stun you to bring you back here and then after you had a terrible fever. You were incoherent for the past two days. Matt and I thought you were going to die, until Matt gave me a potion to help fight the infection. I was only able to give you one drop, until I was caught. That is why I'm in here now. That is why you are awake because that one drop was able to fight your infection for a little while, but it isn't enough. Matt says that you'll be okay today along with the pain and fever potion but there is poison in your blood. It's going to kill you. You're going to get sicker again if you're not treated."

Remus' mind began to tone out her voice. His ears began to ring and his vision blurred.

_I killed children! Oh, God, I killed children! _

He rolled away from Kaylie and dragged himself to the other side of the cellar. He slowly sat up and leaned himself against the wall, with the small window above him. He buried his head in his arms, as Remus tried to fight off the bout of nausea the moving caused him.

_I killed children!_ he realized again in shock. He could hear them screaming in his mind. The blood on his hands began to burn his skin. _The blood of innocent children. I'm a monster!_

He looked at Kaylie. The girl was crying. He didn't know what to do! If she stayed here, there was a good chance, that the wolf will fight with Kaylie's younger wolf form. She was a stranger to the wolf. The only living things that the wolf allowed to live, were his pack.

Prongs, Padfoot and Wormtail….but they were gone and Moony was alone.

_Maybe… I'll be too weak to fight her. Maybe she'll have a chance to kill me._

But if Kaylie did succeed in killing him, Remus didn't want that guilt weighing heavily on her shoulders for the rest of her life. He just had to hope that his body wouldn't take the strain of the change, weakening the wolf.

There was nothing he can do, except wait for help to come. Dumbledore has to have at least some leads to where he was by now.

"The Order should be making a plan to rescue us. They will come any minute," he whispered to the young girl. Remus wanted to do more then just give those words of comfort. He wanted to fight his way out, but there was no way…. They were locked in this cellar, chained to the wall. They didn't have wands, and Death Eaters and werewolves, agitated for the change tonight, surrounded the place.

Remus closed his eyes. He was trying to formulate a plan in his mind but he couldn't think of anything. Kaylie was right, however, he wasn't going to admit that out loud…_It's hopeless…._

They stayed that way for the last few hours. Remus with his back against the wall and Kaylie sitting in the middle of the cellar, on the floor with her arms wrapped around her knees and staring into space. Remus could tell that she was thinking. He hoped she was thinking up a plan to save herself.

The first shudder rippled through his body. He clenched his teeth, fighting back his own transformation. The sun was setting, casting long shadows on the cellar floor. The moon was calling the wolf out. Kaylie stood up and started to pace. Her blue eyes full of determination and pain.

The sound of many werewolves howling ranged all around them. The werewolves above did not fight back the change, they embraced it. But not Remus, he hated who he was. He was going to fight the monster inside of him with every ounce of strength he had. Kaylie had now stopped pacing. She leaned against the cellar door, struggling to fight her own transformation as well. Remus wondered if this was the first time she resisted the change, since Greyback had probably taught her to embrace who she was.

Kaylie suddenly screamed. Her features began to change. Her eyes were completely gold and wide, full of pain, from the breaking of bones and changing muscles. Remus felt his own bones began to break and he screamed out at the dizzying pain.

_This is going to be bad_…, was Remus' last thought, before his body began to completely change,his mind taken over by the wolf. The silver moonlight shown down on him, causing his amber eyes to glow as he let out a long piercing scream.

* * *

The wolf growled into the darkness. He lifted his muzzle into the moonlight. Energy and strength filled his body, soothing the wolf's sore muscles. He can feel how weak the human was. The wolf can feel the wounds on him, the sickness in his blood. But he was still strong, still full of pent up rage and energy.

A scent suddenly reached the wolf's senses. Inhaling deeply, with his eyes closed, he realized it was the scent of a she-wolf... a stranger… an enemy, to his missing pack. The wolf growled as he opened his deep amber eyes and lifted his head to the moonlight. He let out a long, deep howl, before turning his head with bared sharp fangs, to the enemy, who was hiding in the shadows.

**A/N: I know it's a shorter chapter than my usual 15 pages…but I'm trying to keep the time lines in sync. This chapter was only just to reveal more about Kaylie and give you an update on our poor Moony. Things should be happening quickly now after this chapter or maybe the next. I'm just letting the story write itself now because I can't seem to follow my original story line.**

**So what do you guys think? Will Moony attack Kaylie? Will Remus give in to Greyback and join the dark side? Will Dumbledore and the order find them? And are you waiting anxiously to find out what's going to happen next? And who is your favorite marauder?:D**

**Now time for all of the thank yous! I'm always saying how much reviews, favorites and follows mean a lot to me. I know you're all probably tired of hearing me say that after every chapter, but seriously you guys, knowing that your all reading my story and enjoying it means a lot to me. It's the greatest encouragement any fanfic writer can have. So thank you all, for letting me know what you think about my story.**

**EKP****: Thank you for the review! And don't worry about it being in polish. Thanks to google translate, I was able to figure out what you said. It's so awesome to hear that you love my story, especially how you don't like Snape. It's hard to read a fanfic about a character you don't particularly like. Maybe, by the end of my story, Snape will grow on and you won't hate him as much haha. Anyways I hope you enjoyed this new chapter, even if it was a bit short!**

**Jamage****: I'm glad you're still reading it! Haha, thank you for reviewing and yes! I want to yell at myself for making Harry so stubborn. But your right, Harry needs to figure it out on his own, and Severus will be there every step of the way. **

**Caraline Fisher****: Thank you for your review! Yes, Harry needs a hug **** The poor kid is so confused right now. Oh and Harry's wand was taken away for his habit of cutting, once he breaks that habit, Severus will give Harry back his wand.**

**Cynder2013****: Let's see how long his patience for Harry will last haha… and I hope you enjoyed this chapter! Thank you for reviewing!**

**SevHarry****: Thank you for reviewing and enjoying my story. **** Yes it breaks my heart too to have Harry like that **** He is so lucky Severus is there to help him. I hoped this chapter was enjoyable for you and you were able to find out a little more about Moony soon. **

**Dailey2008Jon****: Yeah lol but he is still a teenager after all so of course he is going to complain. I'm still trying to make Harry act a little childish, just because he deserves to be childish after everything he's been through. Oh and I loved your review, it made me laugh and then people thought I was weird for randomly laughing haha :D**

**Okay next chapter will be on Harry and Snape again! Bye! :D **


	11. Chapter 11 Just Let Go

**Chapter Eleven - Just let go**

Birds were singing their morning song as the sun rose and casted its early morning light. Severus flipped over the pancakes on the grill. He glanced over at Potter, who was sitting on the log in front of the campfire, poking at the ashes with the large stick he had found on their first hiking trail. Even from here, Severus can see the large circles under the boy's eyes. The scowl on the boy's face was also noticeable. Severus knew the teen was in a bad mood from last night. The kid was embarrassed and upset that he let Severus see him so vulnerable. Right now, Severus was glad that Potter had that nightmare because it opened up that mental barrier the child had. Severus had finally found out the root to Potter's distrust of him. Potter associated him with his uncle. He saw both of them as the same. Potter expected Severus to punish him exactly how Dursley punished him. Now, Severus had to figure out why. Why did Potter associate them together? Why did Severus remind him of Dursley? Shaking his head in frustration at the unanswered questions, Severus scooped up the pancake, placed it on a plate and walked over to the moody teen.

Severus sat down on the log across from Potter and handed him his plate.

"Pancakes?" the boy asked grumpily.

"Yes, have you had them before?"

"At Hogwarts," the boy answered as he took a few small bites of the pancake.

"How about when you were younger?"

Potter put his fork down, "I'm not really hungry, sir. Can I eat this later?"

"Eat at least half," Severus said. "You can't be running on fumes today."

Potter rolled his eyes. Severus kept his mouth shut. He so much wanted to yell at him for the obvious disrespect. His patience was wearing thin with this kid. He swore he was already growing grey hairs now.

"If you are not going to eat, then let's talk about what happened last night, Potter," Severus said in his best, drawling voice that meant he wasn't playing games with the brat this morning.

Potter shook his head, his face reddened slightly.

"Come on, Potter, you were pretty emotional last night. You said certain things about me and your uncle. I'm trying to understand why I remind you of him, but all of the explanations I've been coming up with are useless if you don't tell me why. I'm tired of trying to fight out every answer to your problems, Potter. I need you to cooperate with me. I know you do not trust me. I understand why, but what I need to know is, why I remind you of your uncle."

Potter didn't say anything as he continued to move the pancake around with his fork.

Suddenly Severus thought about the Proximity trust exercise he had been trying to do with the boy and it clicked. "You get uncomfortable during the Proximity exercise," Severus said so softly, causing Potter to look slowly up. "When I stand close to you, do you see your uncle?"

"I don't know," Potter muttered.

Severus decided to ignore his answer. "Come on, Potter, how about we go hiking? We can give that exercise another shot. Now that I know why you get uncomfortable, we can finish it."

"I don't feel like hiking, sir."

"Then we can do the exercise now! Stand up!" He wasn't going to let this stubborn teen boss him around!

Potter glared at him. His green eyes were so full of anger. Placing his plate on the log, he stood up, "I'm not doing anything with you!" the boy shouted.

Severus stood up as well. "And why is that? Tell me, Potter, why can't you stand me this morning?"

"Because of last night! And I'm tired, okay, I just want to go back to bed!"

Severus sighed in frustration. This kid was so stubborn, they weren't getting anywhere with this useless argument. _Maybe, if I tell him more about my childhood, then he will see that I'm on his side. I'm not his uncle and he has nothing to fear. It's time I try a different method to calm this kid down._

"Fine, we won't do the Proximity exercise again. But come with me, I need your help in collecting some herbs that I can use as potions ingredients."

Potter looked like he wanted to shout and refuse Severus' order, but the boy seemed to just give in. Shrugging his shoulders, he picked up his stick and said, "alright," without looking Severus in the eye.

"Follow me," Severus said as he led the way to the trail through the forest. This time there were no steep hills to climb, only a flat thin trail through the trees and undergrowth.

Severus looked back at Potter from the corner of his eye. Potter was yawning tiredly and glaring at every tree. The boy was in a bloody, rotten mood. Severus hoped that what he was about to tell him, brought him out of it. Severus also hoped this will open Potter up and make him stop seeing him as Dursley.

After a few long moments of searching and picking herbs, Severus slowed down his pace so he was walking next to Potter.

"Your mother was brilliant at Potions."

Potter snorted, "It must be a disappointment for you that I didn't inherit her skills in the subject."

"You do have skills. You just don't apply yourself," Severus winced. That was the wrong thing to say…. Damn, he hated walking on eggshells around this stubborn brat.

"Well, maybe, if I didn't have a Potions Professor who picked on me, and everyone else who wasn't a sneaking Slytherin, I think everyone could do better in the subject."

"To my defense, Potter, most of the students I teach, are all dunderheads who are incapable of following simple directions."

"Simple directions? Sir, have you seen the directions to the Draught of Peace?"

"Yes, and compared to the potions you will be learning in sixth and seventh year, the Draught of Peace is going to seem like simple directions to you."

Potter gave Severus a small smile, causing him to inwardly cheer a little. They finally had a decent civilized conversation this morning without it turning into a bloody argument.

"Sir, where did you inherit your potion skills?"

"My father was a muggle, so it had be from my mum. I remember as a small child watching her in her lab as she brewed. I can still remember that look of passion and concentration in her eyes. It was her life's work. She would had dedicated her life to brewing potions and experimenting but..."

Potter looked at him, waiting for him to go on.

Severus took a deep breath. This better work, because Severus never revealed any of this to anyone before. Not even Albus knew the full details of his childhood. Only Lily, but she was gone. Maybe now, it was for the best for Severus to let go of the lingering pain in his heart and heal as well.

"My father was… he used to be a good father… but he had a problem, Potter." Severus suddenly spotted a clump of sage leaves. He knelt down and began to harvest the leaves gently, putting them in a small jar.

As Severus examined the herb, he began to pull his thoughts together, trying to figure out the right way to tell Potter about his father.

"What was your dad's problem, sir?"

"He drank. He drank so much, he let alcohol consume him… until he wasn't the same person anymore."

"So your dad was a …."

The sage leaves were fresh, ready to pick. He gently tugged the leaves off the stems as he spoke. "An alcoholic, a drunk, abusive…."

"Abusive?"

"Yes, Potter, to both me and my mother." Severus filled up the jar, quickly glancing at Potter who had a thoughtful look, as he tried to make sense of what Severus was telling him.

Severus sighed. He was going to have to make this clearer to the teen, he thought, as he stood up and pocketed the jar of sage.

Severus started to walk down the trail, motioning for the teen to follow him. Making sure to avoid the boy's eyes by looking for more herbs. It was hard to reveal all this with those green eyes. It was like talking to Lily all over again.

"My father, as I've said yesterday, used to take me camping. He used to be a loving husband and father to us both, but he let alcohol take the best of him. I didn't grow up happy, Potter. Very much like you, I grew up neglected, always in pain and hungry. I was in fact abused. My mother suffered just as well, until she died right before my fifth year. My father then grew more abusive and angry. One night, during the summer after fifth year, I emptied out all of his alcohol down the drain, it was stupid of me, yes, but I loved my father still and I was tired of seeing him drunk and wasting away. He had beaten me so bad once he found out what I've done. I'm not going to even downplay this for the sake of my own dignity. I was beaten up and starved for weeks as a punishment. I've never told anyone this, Potter, with the only exception of your mother. Even Professor Dumbledore never knew the full story."

"Why are you telling me this, Professor?" Potter asked in a soft voice.

Severus looked down at the short teen, with his old arch enemy's wild, jet-black hair and his best friend's green eyes. _Because you're her son…and she would want me to help you_….

"I just want to show you how much we have in common when it comes to our childhood. I want to show you that I was just like you, Potter. I grew up with no love, only fear. I want to show you, that you are not alone in this. You can trust me, Potter."

"Right…."

Severus abruptly stopped walking. He stood right in front of the boy, blocking his path. Potter almost walked right into him but stopped himself just in time.

"I just told you something about my past, and all you say is _right_?" Severus hissed in frustration. "Are you really that stubborn, or possibly just downright disrespectful?"

Potter looked at him. He seemed to be reading him, trying to understand Severus and his motives for revealing the secrets of his childhood. Severus waited for him to say something.

"I'm not stubborn, sir, nor I'm trying to be disrespectful to you. I'm just…I'm afraid…," he whispered. It was so low, Severus had barley caught it.

"Of course you are, Potter," he said. "but I assure you that you are not alone in this." Potter looked Severus directly in the eye. He can see the pain in those green depths and the teen's silent plea for help. Severus realized that Potter did want to be helped. He did want to talk to Severus but he was too afraid.

_Don't you worry, child, I wont give up on you yet..._

* * *

Snape led the way, until they reached an area where the trees began to thin out. Harry had no idea where this trail led too or why Snape brought him here on this trail. He had a feeling it wasn't just to collect potion ingredients. He thought about what Snape had just told him. He couldn't believe that the Potions Professor who seemed evil, had a rotten childhood, just like Harry. Maybe Harry could trust him, maybe Snape will understand, but doubts still clouded his mind. What if Snape saw what Uncle Vernon saw in Harry? And what if he thought Uncle Vernon's methods of punishment were in fact necessary? Or what if Snape really did work for Voldemort still? What if Snape did turn out to be a good guardian but then ends up dying like Sirius, like his parents? Or missing from Voldemort like Remus? And then Harry would be left alone again... It was just too many what ifs. Too many chances for Harry to be hurt again.

He finally caught up to Snape, who waited for him at the end of the trail. They had come to a beautiful meadow where deer were grouped together in a herd, grazing at the long grass. Harry looked at them in amazement and wonder.

A large stag stared right back at them. It reminded Harry so much of his father, of Prongs. The stag stepped closer to Harry, until he was reaching out with its nose to sniff him. Harry reached out and petted it's forehead. The stag licked Harry's hand and nosed his cheek.

"Hello, Prongs," he whispered.

He knew it was crazy, but this stag seemed to know who Harry was. It was as if James Potter represented this stag. A loyal, brave, majestic leader and this was a sign to Harry that his dad was still with him, still watching over him. Maybe, it wouldn't hurt to give Snape a chance. Maybe, this was his dad's way to let Harry know that it was okay. It was going to be okay and it was okay to let Snape in.

The stag pressed his forehead to Harry's own, causing him to laugh out loud. Rubbing the sides of the stag's neck, Harry looked up to see Snape smiling softly at him, before he gestured him to follow. Harry followed his professor inside the meadow, a good distance away from the grazing herd. The stag had followed them and began grazing, keeping an eye on Harry and an eye on its food.

"It looks as if you've made a friend, Potter," Snape observed.

Harry nodded, "he probably smells my breakfast on me," he muttered.

"Sit," the professor said as he too sat down on the grass with his legs crossed.

"Okay...," Harry glanced at the stag grazing the tall grass. He wondered if that was how his father looked. He wondered about the Marauders running the grounds of Hogwarts under the full moon as a pack for Remus, for Moony. Harry always knew those were the best times of Sirius' life. Sirius had told him so many stories before he died and Harry could remember the way his eyes soften at a certain memory, or the way his voice was heavy with grief and longing to have his best friends back. Sirius understood the pain of loss. He would had understood Harry's grief.

Harry looked at Snape and wondered if he would understand too? After all, he did say that he had lost his own mother and also Lily…Harry's mum... She and Snape were best friends and Snape had lost her.

"Sir?" Harry asked hesitantly. Every instinct he had was screaming at him to shut up. His heart was thumping hard, as if it knew it was in danger of breaking again. However, something in Harry kept him going. Something in him gave him the courage to ask the question to Snape, so Harry can talk about his grief for his beloved godfather.

Harry was just so tired of it. Tired of hiding, tired of putting up a cold front and pretending everything was alright, but it wasn't. Nothing was alright, because Sirius was gone and nothing could ever be the same again…and Remus... Harry's heart clenched in fear. He could be dead for all they knew. If only he could run off right now and look for him but Harry knew Snape would never let him. Harry just hoped with all his heart that wherever Remus was, he wasn't in pain.

Maybe Snape was right, maybe it was time to trust him and just let go of his fear... To take a chance for the sake of his future...

"What did you do when your mom died?" Harry asked.

Snape looked at him in surprise before he began to think up his response. "Well, at first I was angry. So... damn… angry, all the time. I took it out on everyone, at my father, my professors, Dumbledore, my friends, and I picked fights with your father and his gang even more than usual. I was a mess, Potter, until, Dumbledore snapped me out of it. He was there for me, the only adult I had during that time. Which was a good thing, because eventually my anger turned into grief. I cried a lot, before that turned into acceptance. After all of that, I was able to live again."

"Do you think I'll ever start living again? The pain inside, it just... it hurts so much. Sirius, he was like my dad... like my dad came back and we could've had a great life together, and then it was all taken from me," Harry said quietly. He could feel Snape staring at him, he didn't want to look at the professor's face. "What was the point? What was the point of getting Sirius back, if he was just going to get taken away from me again? And now Remus is missing too. Why is it the people I get close too, are the ones always getting hurt? Why can't I just have a chance for once?"

"Your dream last night? Did you see your godfather go through the veil again?" Snape asked. His voice wasn't full of pity or in a hushed whisper that Harry often hated. No, it was in that calm, soothing, manner that Snape sometimes had. Harry liked it when the professor spoke to him like that. It calmed Harry down. So he decided to be truthful, even though his instincts were still screaming at him to shut up.

"Yes…I …," Harry stumbled over his words at first, before clearing his throat to try again.

"Yes, Professor, every time I go to sleep, I'm back in the Department of Mysteries. Sirius is always there fighting with Bellatrix Lestrange. I'm always shouting, trying to get his attention, trying to save him… but I can never get to him. I'm always trying to stop him from dying but in the end, he always does."

Harry took a deep breath at his confession. His heart was beating fast. He plucked the grass, deciding to keep the part about hearing Voldemort's laughter out. It was quiet for a moment. Harry dared not to look at Snape. His face was feeling warm with shame. Harry wasn't used to talking about his emotions and dreams like this. It was always only him and Sirius...but then again, Harry never trusted Sirius enough to tell him about what went on at the Dursleys' house during the summer.

"It sounds like you need to accept what has happened, Potter," Snape finally answered. "You need to come to terms with Black's death. You have to understand, that things like that just happen."

Harry bowed his head in embarrassment. Looking up from his fringe of black hair, Harry saw Snape looking down at him with a frown, "I've always asked myself that same question when Lily died," he spoke softly.

Harry looked up at the mention of his mum.

"When our friendship fell apart, I kept thinking: _what was the point?" _Snape's gaze traveled to a grazing doe in the distance. "For years, when I was little, I was always alone. Until I met this beautiful girl, who became my best friend. She was the most important person in my life. Then time went so quickly, once we started Hogwarts. Before I knew it, we were grown up and she was gone… and I was alone again."

The professor's gaze rested on Harry once more with a soft, understanding look. "Don't be ashamed with what you are feeling, child."

Harry looked at him in surprise. How did Snape know he was feeling ashamed of his grief? How did he know that Harry felt like a weakling, for feeling messed up over Sirius' death?

"I was just like you once…," Snape said. "I've lost so much…and I kept asking myself: why? Why did the universe allow me a best friend, only to lose her…but the world isn't always just happiness."

Snape put a hand on Harry's shoulder, who was so absorbed into listening to the professor, he didn't notice the parental gesture.

"There are always dark roads we must endure, before we find that happiness we all seek," Severus said with a serious gaze. His eyes were deep black pools. Harry realized that the usual coldness that lingered in those blacks depths were missing. "These challenges that you are facing now, Potter, for instance, the death of your godfather, is what shapes you as the person you are today. Everyone has to travel their dark road, and no one's is ever the same. My dark road was losing my mother and best friend, it was the abuse I suffered from my father. And without that, even though it was horrible, I don't think I would be a stronger, better person for it. Just like what I'm seeing in you today. You are different from when I first met you, child, you are changing for the better. So I hope you see that, once you come to terms with your godfather's death, once you're at the end of the road… you will be okay." Snape squeezed his shoulder briefly before letting go.

"I think you've been hanging around Dumbledore too much, sir," Harry grinned once he processed Snape's lecture.

"Well then, I give you permission to hex me if I start offering you lemon drops," Snape smirked.

Harry busted out laughing.

"Thanks, sir,... for listening... it's just so hard sometimes... It's suffocating," Harry said, trying to find the right words to describe his grief.

"I know, Potter, but one day you'll come to accept your godfather's death and it won't be as hard anymore. Time just needs to heal your grief and I promise you, that you will find happiness one day."

"Are you happy, sir? You've been through a lot too, you know, with losing my mum, your mother and dealing with your father. Have you found your happiness?"

"I can tell you that I'm okay now, I'm in a good place but I do feel the ache of the loss of your mother. I still think about her, Potter, all the time. So I'm not going to lie to you… I haven't found my true happiness, which could take away that pain in my heart your mother has left me with."

"When you find it, sir, can you tell me? That way, I know that there is hope for me if you found yours?"

"Of course, Potter, I promise. I have an exercise that will help you now."

"Proximity?" Harry groaned.

"No, meditation."

Harry groaned again.

"Come on now, Potter, give it a try. You might even like it. Dumbledore actually taught me this when I was your age. It helped a lot."

Harry nodded at Snape's meaningful glance. "Okay, I'll give it a try," he sighed.

* * *

The sun was going down, casting an orange glow to the tree tops. Harry was poking the fire with his hiking stick as Snape cleaned up the dishes and food from their dinner. Harry had tried to help, but the professor wouldn't have any of it and sent him off to amuse himself before bed.

Today was actually a pretty good day. There were no more arguments, besides the one in the early morning. Snape told him things about his childhood that he told no one, besides Harry's mum. Harry actually felt pretty touched that Snape trusted him enough with his secrets. It also scared him though, because since Snape opened up to him, Harry started feeling like, maybe, he could trust Snape. He could feel his mental wall that he worked so hard to keep up, crumble. It was just that Harry was starting to see a side to Snape that he never knew existed, a person that had lost so much, that Harry can relate too...

"No s'mores tonight?" Snape asked as he sat down on the log with two mugs of tea. He handed one to Harry who took it and blew at the steam rising out of the hot liquid.

"I'm still full from dinner."

"I did keep telling you to chew your food," the professor said with a raised eyebrow.

"Playing Quidditch and working on Potions homework gives me an appetite. I can't help that I was starving today," Harry laughed.

Snape chuckled, before taking a sip of his tea.

Harry smiled a little. Lately, he had begun to notice how much the professor had seemed to let go of his uptight mannerism and let loose. It was strange at first to hear Snape laugh, or see him smile, but now Harry was used to seeing this new Snape and he liked it.

Suddenly, a long mournful howl rang throughout the forest. Harry turned and looked at the trees around them. But it was too dark. He couldn't see anything beyond the glow of the campfire.

"There aren't werewolves here, right? Harry asked as he looked up at the moon, but to his relief, it wasn't full. Although, judging by the size of the moon, it was going to be full tomorrow. He hoped Remus was in a good place to transform tomorrow night.

"Scared, Potter? Severus smirked, there was a gleam in his eye and Harry narrowed his eyes at the professor. He was instantly reminded of Draco Malfoy asking him that same question in second year. When Lockheart had that disastrous dueling club.

* * *

"Have you ever heard of the legend of Dean Lake?" Severus suddenly asked in a hushed voice.

Potter snapped his head up with a look of disbelief.

"Yeah right, Professor, you're just trying to scare me. I've seen a bunch of horror movies with my cousin when my aunt and uncle weren't around. They were all clichés and predictable. None of that stuff really exist, does it?"

"Ah, but before you found out you were a wizard you thought werewolves, trolls and hags didn't exist, but they do. So how do you know if this legend could be true or not?"

Potter scoffed in disbelief, "go on then, try me," he laughed.

"Are you sure, Potter? Because if you get spooked, I'm not letting you sleep with me," Snape said in a mocking tone. Severus earned himself an angry glare from the teen. He gave Potter a wicked sneer and started his story.

"Wait! Don't start yet!" Potter suddenly shouted. Severus watched him with a raised eyebrow, as the teen ran to the picnic table, grabbed a marshmallow, graham crackers, and a piece of chocolate in a napkin, and then sat back down on his spot. He stabbed the marshmallow on his hiking stick and stuck it into the flames for a few seconds. Once the marshmallow began to look toasty, he pulled it out of the flames, and put the melted marshmallow between the crackers and chocolate. He looked up at Severus with a lopsided grin, "okay, I'm ready, sir."

Severus shook his head at the Gryffindor's shenanigans and started his story, "There is a village not too far from the edge of this forest. It's a quiet small village, that you would never expect anything happening there at all. There was a woman with a small child, who was starving and sick, she tried to ask for help from the villagers but they turned her away. She had cried and begged them to at least save her daughter's life but no, the villagers still turned her away. The woman was forced to camp out in the forest and find shelter. The night was cold, too cold for a sick child and so the child had passed away in her mother's arms. The woman was upset and blamed the villagers for not helping her. The villagers, you see, were muggles. The woman was almost a squib but since all the grief she had for her dead child, and anger for the villagers, somehow brought forth her weak, magical blood and she sent a curse on the village. A dark curse that caused one child to die every month. So as time went on, the villagers lost a child every month and you can hear the cries of the mothers weeping for the death of their children. The villagers soon had enough and began to search the forest for the woman but she was nowhere to be seen. The men who had gone into the forest had never even returned. The forest was now cursed, anyone who entered it, never came out. Months later, two wizards who were traveling, heard about this story. They thought it must be an old hag preying on the muggles. So they thought it would be fun to take care of the problem and become the village heroes. So, these two idiots set up camp, not very far from here actually, maybe a little closer to the lake, near those trees," Severus pointed at the line of trees behind the tent, that led to the lake.

"After a whole day of searching for the murderer, which is quite stupid since murderers aren't going to suddenly show up in broad daylight, the two wizards set up camp and after dinner they start pulling out the fire whisky. Suddenly they heard noises rustling in the trees and bushes. By then they were too bloody wasted to notice the odd footsteps, and the sound of someone dragging themselves on the dirt. Kind of like this…," Severus slid his foot on the rocky forest ground, making a sound of something being dragged across the floor. Potter's eyes widened at the story. He leaned forward as Severus continued on.

_I got him…_ Severus laughed to himself. James potter would probably had been proud of Severus to fool a fast one on his son. He knew his old arch enemy was rather fond of pranking.

"Suddenly a high pitched scream rang throughout the trees, but the wizards couldn't figure out where it was coming from. For the sound seemed to come from all around them. They jumped to their feet, and lit their wands to see in the darkness. But nothing was there. They then decided to split up and look for the source of the noise, thinking it might be the hag. The first wizard who took the direction opposite the lake didn't stand a chance. He was deep in the forest, whispers surrounded him. He turned around with his wand light, the only source of light he had. Again, he couldn't find out the direction of the whispers. It was coming from all around, until he heard a child laugh right behind him and suddenly, he was being ripped to shreds by teeth. Laughter and whispers was the last thing he heard, as he let out a bloodcurdling scream. His friend who had gone to search by the lake heard the scream. He ran to the shore, his wand out, ready to throw curses at the unseen enemy. Suddenly, a splashing sound came from behind him. He turned around to see a figure coming out from the water. The wizard screamed at what he saw. Glowing red eyes, sharp yellow teeth, and blood everywhere..."

Potter leaned in, and then suddenly jumped when there was a stirring in the bushes. The bushes rustled louder. Potter jumped to his feet, backing away to stand near Severus. Suddenly, a pretty large Hedgehog burst from the bushes, ran to the picnic table, grabbed their last bag of marshmallows and took off back into the forest.

Severus burst into laughter. "You have the most dangerous, terrifying, dark wizard and all his incompetent minions after you, which you are brave enough to fight them back, but here you are getting spooked over a hedgehog!"

"I wasn't scared, I was just startled! And that bloody theft stole my marshmallows!" the teen shouted as he sat back down.

Once Severus had stopped laughing with tears in his eyes and nearly on the floor, he asked, "do you want to hear the rest of the story?"

"No, it wasn't even that scary," the boy huffed.

"Right," Severus laughed. "Well, how about an icebreaker game? It's pretty fun. You'll like it and then after we can start getting ready for bed."

"Alright," Potter mumbled. "And I wasn't scared!"

"I believe you, Potter," Severus said, trying to not smile. "Okay, so the game is two lies and one truth. You have to say lies and a true piece of information about yourself. I have to guess which one is true. The winner who guesses the most truths wins."

"And what does the winner get?"

"The loser has to visit the village tomorrow and buy the winner a new bag of marshmallows," Severus said slyly. He knew that would get the teen to cooperate. The teen was obsessed with those melted marshmallow treats. Good old blackmail never let Severus down before.

"I'm in!" the teen grinned.

"Okay, I'll go first," Severus volunteered to avoid argument. He decided to start off small with the basic information about himself, before revealing personal information.

"I hate the smell of chocolate, I've never owned a pet, and my favorite color is blue."

"Hmm… this is difficult," Potter said as he thought about which one was true. "I can't imagine you liking any of those things, and you're always wearing black. I'm so torn..."

"Just pick," Severus growled.

"Okay, um… I'm going to say the chocolate is the truth, since I've never seen you eat anything that is surgery. And you won't even try my famous s'mores."

Severus snorted, "I'll never understand your strange fascination with that pointless snack food. And you're wrong, Potter."

The boy gaped, clearly taken aback, "damn, okay so i'm guessing the truth is you've never owned a pet?"

Severus nodded.

"You've never owned a pet?" Potter gaped in surprised. "Not even when you were at Hogwarts?"

"Your turn, Potter." Severus tried to steer the conversation away from himself. So he never owned a pet. His mom was allergic to cats and dogs and she hated birds. Why was this a big deal to the kid?

"Wait a minute, you love the smell of chocolate and your favorite color isn't blue? What is it?"

"Chocolate is the only sweet I eat, rarely… and my favorite color is green."

"Figures, Slytherin color."

"No, because it was the color of your mother's eyes. That shade of green is my favorite. Not the Slytherin shade."

"Oh, okay, sir, makes sense."

"You get a point since you guessed the right one, so now, it's your turn to go," Severus said.

"Okay um, I hate treacle tart, I never been to the beach and this is my third time camping."

"You got to try harder than that, Potter," Severus laughed. "The beach is the truth, and the other two are false. I've seen you gobble up treacle tart for five years now, Potter. You've never been to the beach before?"

"No, sir, have you?"

"I did, a few times while growing up, but I haven't gone to the beach in years. If you like, we can go before the summer ends."

"Yes, sir, that sounds fun," the boy smiled.

Severus was glad to see the boy making progress on this trip. Sure he had his moments, but it was times like this, that made this trip and all the grief the boy gave Severus worth it.

"That's one point for me, Potter!" Severus smirked at Potter's groan.

And on they went, playing that game. Until it was getting late and a chill began to settle, causing Potter to shiver.

"I think it's time for bed," Severus said as he caught the teen yawning.

"Wait, who won?"

"I did."

"You don't even like marshmallows…," Potter complained, but he got up anyways.

"Sir?"

"Yes, Potter?"

"Do you think Sirius is watching us from wherever he is?" Potter asked quietly, as if he weren't sure if he should be asking Severus something like that. "Do you think he'll be okay with us spending time together and you… um, helping me? Cus you know how he hated you and all?"

"I think, Potter, he will be worried about you because your alone. And then he will be grateful that I'm here with you."

"Okay, do you think…?"

"Yes, Potter?"

"Um...do you think, sir," There was a long pause. Severus waited for him to continue. His voice full of hesitation, Potter finally mumbled, "um, can we sleep with the lantern on a little tonight?"

"That's not what you were going to say…," Severus looked at the boy who was standing up now, worrying his bottom lip with his teeth. Severus thought whatever the boy was going to ask, was probably important, but he didn't want to push him anymore. Severus didn't have the strength for an argument tonight. So he sighed inwardly and said, "Of course, Potter."

* * *

"Sirius!"

Sirius was there, fighting with Bellatrix. He pushed Harry out of the way and gave out his famous, barking laugh. Until a stream of green light hit him in the chest. Harry could see the light leaving his eyes, before he fell back and disappeared into the veil.

"Sirius!"

And suddenly, Sirius was there. Harry tried not to scream. Sirius' skin was white and gaunt. It stretched over his bones. Maggots were eating his flesh and his eyes were deathly white.

"Do you see what I am now? Because of you, boy," the corpse said hoarsely.

_No, this wasn't Sirius!_ Harry thought as the corpse stood in front of him. A look of disappointment etched onto its face. The white lifeless eyes glared down at him. There was no trace of the love and warmth, Sirius always had for Harry.

"You're weak, boy! Pathetic and weak. You're a freak and no one wants you around!"

"No!" Harry shouted. "No, Sirius, I'm sorry. I'm so sorry!"

Harry gasped, his eyes snapped opened. He was drenched in sweat. The light of the lantern was so dim, that it was still dark inside the tent. Harry grabbed a sweater and shoes, before he stepped quietly out of the tent, careful not to wake a sleeping Snape.

Harry had no idea where he was going. Except that he just had to keep walking. He felt so suffocated. The pain in his chest was unbearable. Everything hurt! His thoughts were driving him crazy! He was tired of thinking how Sirius was disappointed in him.

Suddenly, Harry realized he was at the waterfall. In his anger and self-loathing, he had managed to run up the steep, hiking trail to this place. Harry looked down at the water falling below. It would be so easy... so easy to just jump into those rocks. And everything will end. Snape was better off without him. Harry was just a burden to him anyways and Remus… well... wherever he was, Remus had his own problems, instead of having to take care of some broken, messed up teenager.

Harry stepped closer, the water swirling around his feet and soaking his shoes. He closed his eyes, taking a deep breath.

Harry just wished he was strong. He wished he wasn't broken inside. He wished the pain would just go away. Harry wished he was dead. He just needed to see Sirius again. He needed to say sorry. Sorry for everything, for the death of his parents, for causing Sirius to die… Harry just wished it was all over. He opened his eyes, ready to jump but he couldn't. He couldn't jump. And Harry hated himself for being a coward.

"I can't even kill myself," Harry muttered. "I can't even jump off a bloody cliff! How pathetic am I?!"

Anger swelled up in his chest as he grabbed a huge boulder and threw it across the clearing.

"Fuck!" he shouted.

He shouted over and over again. Throwing things off the cliff, before he shouted himself hoarse. He then picked his way down the small, rocky, trail leading down to the waterfall; he place where Snape had taken him. Harry sat on the flat boulder that jutted out over the water. If he couldn't kill himself, then he had to cut at least. Harry had to remain in control. He had to feel the pain. It was just too many emotions for him to bear. He couldn't handle it.

_Screw Snape and his rules of not cutting!_

Harry had enough of trying to please people and never being able to reach up to their standards. Harry took a deep breath, trying to pull himself together before picking up a sharp stick. He pressed it to his skin hard, until blood began to seep out. Harry scratched the branch hard down his arm. The pain of the cut soothed Harry. It calmed him down.

He didn't realize there were tears flowing down his cheeks. And when he did …, he began to see what he was doing to himself.

_What am I doing?_ He wondered. _Why am I doing this to myself? This is exactly why I'm so weak and messed up! I can't handle my life, and here I am cutting!_

He wondered what Sirius would say if he knew. The look of disappointment on his godfather's face appeared in his mind. Guilt set heavily in his stomach. It made Harry want to throw up. He pulled the stick away from his arm, as if it were something poisonous and flung it into the water.

Harry looked up at the lighten sky. Some stars were still visible, a sign that the sun was going to rise soon. He should get back before Snape wakes up. But Harry didn't move. He just sat there, thinking about his godfather. He wondered if Sirius was watching him. He wondered if he could hear him.

_Maybe I should talk to him…. _

"Sirius? Are you there?" Harry immediately began to feel foolish. The sound of his voice rang around the clearing but there was no one around to hear him. "I know I sound pretty stupid doing this, but I just need you... I need to talk to you and I think this is the only way…."

The roaring sound of the waterfall soothed Harry as he tried to get his thoughts together. "I'm so sorry. I'm so sorry for everything. It's my fault you died. It's my fault my parents died. My uncle was right to treat me like he did, because he saw the pathetic freak I am. I'm just so sorry and I don't know what to do... I hope you're up there in heaven with my parents. I hope you're with my dad again and watching over Remus instead of me. Remus is missing and he needs you." Harry knew he was starting to ramble, but he didn't care. He just needed to talk and let everything out.

"I've never really been great at talking or anything like that… I just …the way I'm going and the people that I hurt… I know I don't deserve any of this. I don't even deserve Snape's help. I don't deserve to live. After all the lives I've cost due to my recklessness…but for now on, Sirius, I promise I'm going to try, because I'm sorry for the way I've been going. I'm just going to let go and try to be happy for you. I promise to not cut anymore. I could see your reaction and your face if you ever found out about what I've done to myself. I never wanted to lose you...I never wanted you to die. But you did and there is nothing I or anyone could do to change that. I still need you though... I still need you, but now I know I must learn to live without you. So I promise to change my ways. I promise I'll get along and talk with Snape, even though he can be a right git sometimes, but I promise I'll try for you okay... I just hope you're up there and listening because now I'm going to start living again…I promise Sirius."

"You have a lot of explaining to do," a silkly soft voice said.

Alarmed, Harry whipped around to see Snape standing behind him. He was dressed with his robes over his pajamas and his wand in his hand. Black eyes were glaring furiously at Harry, before they traveled down to his bloody arm. Harry gulped in fear and guilt, as he covered his bloody arm with his right hand…..

**A/N: I know I took a while to post a new chapter, so go ahead, yell at me lol**

**Believe it or not this chapter actually had more stuff but I figured to cut it short because you guys have been waiting long enough. The rest of the chapter will be up soon I promise. I also hope you enjoyed the little happy moment by the campfire. :)**

**Now tell me what you all think!**

**Does Harry have a s'mores obsession? What did you think of Sev's lectures? Is he really becoming like Dumbledore, according to Harry? Do you think Harry really will hex him if Sev starts offering him lemon drops? Was Sev's story scary? How about the raccoon? And what did you think of Harry's meltdown in the end? And Severus has never owned a pet?! What's gonna happen next? D,=**

**And now time for ****The Answering of Reviews Ritual!**

**Cynder2013:**** I felt the exact same way while I was working on the chapter! Then I realized wait a minute… I'm the one writing it… soo …should I just slap myself? Lol**

**lifelong potterhead****: good….good =]**

**Caraline Fisher:**** no I'm nice =[ lol and thanks for reviewing. I always look forward to your reviews :)**

**Jamage:**** hey still glad you're keeping up with my story! :D and yeah not a good idea lol did you get scared of this chapter too? Severus' story was pretty crazy haha**

**SevHarry:**** I hope Remus doesn't kill Kaylie either, even though it wasn't looking good for him. I guess we are going to have to wait and see what happens :(**

** :**** I love long reviews!Thanks so much! :D and all I'm gonna say is that even though Harry is annoying you (and me lol and other readers.. probably…) Harry is just a very confused teenager who has been through a lot and he just needs someone to guide him… anyways I loved your review and thank you for telling me what you felt about my story! Hope to hear from you again! **

**Thank you everyone for taking the time to review, favorite and follow and even just taking the time to read my fanfic! I really appreciate it! Now I must leave to get ready for work! =,(**


	12. Chapter 12 Lost Child

**Chapter Twelve – Lost Child**

**WARNING: Mentions of child abuse, nothing too graphic.**

**Disclaimer: I don't own Harry Potter or even the rubber duck question I used.**

Severus was racing through the trees. The soft, white glow coming from his wand was the only source of light he had to guide him through the early morning darkness.

"Potter!"

_I can't believe this! For the love of, Merlin, you bloody idiot! Damn, idiot child! How can you be so stupid! _

Severus was beyond angry to wake up and find the insolent brat gone. At first, Severus had checked the bathroom, the lake, anywhere around their campsite, but nothing. He couldn't find any sign nor trace of the boy. Severus had decided to use his wand and mutter the Point Me spell, but because of all the magical wards surrounding them, the spell was pointless. So he had begun checking all the hiking sites he had taken the boy too.

"Potter!" Severus shouted again. "Potter! You better show yourself right now if you know what's good for you!"

Severus was now racing up the steep slope that led to the waterfall. He had no idea why his conscious decided to check that place first. Maybe it was because of the sickening feeling in the pit of his stomach, that the boy would go up somewhere high, where he can find a way to…no, Severus didn't want to think about what Potter was up too. Severus had thought they were making progress. He thought the boy was starting to turn away from his suicidal/self-harm tendencies, but he had thought wrong, apparently. None of the wards were off, none of them showed any breech. No, the boy had wandered off on his own, and he was going to be in serious trouble, once Severus got his hands on him!

The roar of the waterfall reached Severus' ears. Deciding to stop shouting the boy's name just in case he ran off, Severus climbed the last feel paces up the slope. He didn't see Potter near the waterfall, so he quietly stepped near the edge and looked down. Sure enough, he can see the silhouette of the teen sitting on the rock that jutted over the water.

Severus made his way quietly to the boy who was looking up at the sky. He seemed to be talking, but Severus was too far away to hear him. By the time he got there, the boy had finished the end of his sentence. Unable to control his anger and annoyance at the teen any longer, Severus growled in a dark, silky voice. The voice he only reserved for Longbottom or Death Eaters.

"You have a lot of explaining to do."

The boy whipped immediately around, his mouth hanging open in shock. Severus quickly scanned him to see if he was alright. The boy seemed okay, although he looked like he had been crying. Severus' eyes traveled down to his arms, where he discovered red blood streaming down from Potter's left arm. He glared at the blood, taking in the long thin gashes before meeting the boy's eyes. Severus forced himself to breathe and count to ten. He knew if he shouted and scolded the boy, things will end badly.

"You have two minutes to explain yourself, Potter, so Merlin, help me, if you don't have a perfectly good reason to wander off without telling me!"

"I... I had a nightmare," Potter said quietly, he was still covering up his arm. The blood was seeping through his fingers.

_I better take care of that before he bleeds to death! _

"Give me your arm now," Severus demanded, seething in anger.

The boy shook his head and Severus didn't know whether he should scream in frustration or not.

"There is no point in hiding it. Give me your arm before you bleed to death!" Severus snapped. He scowled in anger as the boy glared at him with angry, green eyes, before thrusting his bloody arm towards him.

"You have no right being the one who is angry!" Severus shouted as he grabbed the boy's arm and began to magically heal the long gashes on the underside of his arm. "You know exactly what you've done!"

Once Severus performed a cleansing charm to clean the blood off Potter's skin, the teen ripped his arm away from Severus and held it close to him.

"Explain yourself," Severus growled. "Now!"

"I just needed air!" Potter shouted defensively. "Can't I just have two minutes alone without you breathing down my neck?"

"Absolutely not! Because you know why?" Severus shouted and he gestured at Potter's newly healed arm. "Because, that is what happens when you are left to your own devices!"

The boy looked away with his jaw clenched and eyebrows furrowed.

Severus lost it. He grabbed the boy by the scruff of his collar, forcing him to stand. "Look at me when I'm speaking to you!"

"I've had enough of your insolent stubbornness. You and your father both lack consideration for the feelings of others! When I found you gone, a million things were going through my mind with what might had happen to you! If you needed air, you could had let me know where you were going! You could had simply gone down to the lake, Potter!" Severus shouted. "But did you think of any of those things? No! Because you're too pigheaded to think properly!"

The boy flinched violently at Severus' words. Severus let him go and Potter stepped back.

"I'm sorry, sir," the boy mumbled.

"What was that? I didn't hear your apology, due to you unintelligible mummer!"

"I said, I'm sorry, Professor Snape! Your right! I should had let you know where I was before wandering off and scaring you!"

The apology might had been full of anger but Severus accepted it either way.

"Tell me, what was going through your mind to make you cut yourself up?" Severus said in a more gentle tone.

"I don't know, sir. It just happened."

"I'm not accepting that as an answer!" Severus snapped.

"Well, what do you want to hear? That I had another nightmare? That I'm so pathetic, that I couldn't handle it? So I cut myself?" Potter shouted.

"Don't you dare speak to me like that, child!"

"Oh and you can?"

"Your attitude has got to stop!" Severus shouted as he took a menacing step towards Potter and raised his arm to force the boy to look at him. Potter flinched violently.

Severus looked at him and stepped away. He didn't want this. He didn't want Potter to think of him as abusive. Then Severus realized it. The reason why Potter didn't trust him. It made sense, perfect sense, and Severus couldn't understand why he didn't see it before.

"Potter, tell me, why did you just reacted the way you just did right now?"

The teen stepped away and shook its head. "It's stupid," he said quietly.

"Try me," Severus growled in frustration.

The boy shook his head. He sat down on the rock, facing the water with his back towards Severus.

"I don't want to talk about it," the boy said.

Severus sighed. The anger in him was now fading, only to be left with anxiety, stress and concern for his charge.

He took a deep breath and sat next to Potter, so that his feet was hanging over the rock, barley touching the cold water underneath.

"I have my suspicions, Potter."

The boy didn't answer, for he had taken a sudden interest at the water fall. His gaze attached to the waterfall as if his very life depended on it. So Severus took it as a cue to go ahead and speak.

"You distrust me because you associate me with your uncle. You've told me that much. But why? Is my question and I think that answer is because, you're afraid. You fear that I'll become abusive just like him. I am now your caretaker at the moment, and the only experience you've had with your guardians, are the abuse you've suffered through them."

The boy gave the tiniest of nods. Severus wouldn't had notice it if he hadn't been looking out for the boy's reaction.

"Am I correct to assume this of you?" Severus asked softly.

"I know you're not like them," Potter whispered. "I keep telling myself that over and over…, but I don't know what's wrong with me. Every time you shout at me or something, or when you stand close, or put a hand on me, I see Uncle Vernon."

"Tell me more about your uncle, Potter. I hope you are now realizing that what he did to you wasn't merely just punishments, it was abuse."

"No, sir. I deserved it! I was a burden to him. I was always getting into trouble."

"How about you tell me a time where you misbehaved and you were punished? I'll tell you a story of my father as well if you don't trust me. That way you know something personal about me too."

The boy looked at him. Severus can see the pain and confusion in his eyes. Here sitting next to him, was a child, so confused, so lost and hurt.

_That used to be me…you are lost right now, Harry, but you must trust me. I can help you find your way…._Severus so much wanted to say those words to Lily's son. To comfort the child, and make sure he knew he was once loved by his parents. But right now, Severus had to make the boy trust him. Even if that meant revealing some of the horrors of his own past.

The boy nodded. His full attention was now on Severus. He realized that the boy was always eager to learn about Severus' childhood.

"I was maybe eight or nine," Severus began. His hands trembled slightly at the memory. He quickly hid them from Potter.

"My parents were arguing in the living room. I was in my bedroom. Suddenly my door banged open and my father was there shouting at me. I still remember his eyes. They were bloodshot and his breath reeked with alcohol. He grabbed me by my neck and slammed me against the wall. I don't remember all he was telling me. I just remember that I couldn't breathe and he was shouting and calling me names. He then let me go and started beating the hell out of me. That was all I remember before passing out. When I woke up the next day, he told me that was for not washing the dishes correctly. He told me it was my fault for not doing that chore to his standards, which caused him to fight with my mother." The pain was still there. Severus had worked so hard to overcome it but it came rushing back, raw and powerful. It came out in his voice and it made his hands tremble even more. Potter noticed this, for he grabbed one of Severus' trembling hands in his own to steady it.

"Was that the worst punishment from your father?" Potter asked.

"No, and that wasn't a punishment, Potter. Even though he said it was, that is not how you punish a child. I didn't do anything to deserve that. It was straight out abuse on my father's part."

The boy didn't say anything for awhile. "I'm guessing it's my turn now?"

Severus nodded. He pulled his hand away from the teen and stuffed them inside the pockets of his robes.

"Okay, well… I was four, I think. Like you, I didn't wash the dishes right either. There were spots on the glasses and my aunt threw a fit. She made me wash them again with scalding hot water. My uncle got mad when I was crying because the water was burning my hands and he said if I didn't stop crying, he was going to show me what a real burn felt like. But I couldn't stop crying. I was little…he was angry and he put my hand on the burner." The boy said this all in a rush. As if he was trying to get the whole story out before he changed his mind.

Severus gaped at him, then caught himself just in time and composed himself. He wasn't expecting something that serious from Potter just yet.

"Did you think you deserved that?" he asked his ward, trying to keep his face mutual. Rage was roaring inside him, fighting to break free, and unleash the emotions Severus was feeling.

_Those filthy monsters! How dare they lay a hand on Potter! How dare they hurt his best friend's son!_

Potter shrugged, his eyes were now on his hands. He was looking at them as if he were remembering the pain he had endured, the fear….

"I...I didn't wash the dishes right. I couldn't stop crying. If only, I had just followed my uncle's orders, then I wouldn't have had my hands burned. So... yeah, it was just a punishment."

"Wrong, Potter. You were four! How can anyone expect a four year to wash dishes properly? Also, any decent parent would know it's impossible to expect a young child to stop crying when they are in pain! You were only four! And you didn't deserve that. It was not a punishment. It was abuse."

Potter opened his mouth to protest, but Severus beat him to the punch.

"Don't you dare say you deserved it! Don't you dare look at me and tell me you deserved to be hurt like that! No. Child. Deserves. That! Those muggles are the freaks, Potter! Not you! Those muggles are the ones who are messed up. They deserve a lifetime in Azkaban for what they had done to you!"

"No, sir, you're wrong. You weren't there...and Aunt Petunia tried to help me before you took me from Privet Drive."

"I've noticed, but that has been only recent hasn't it? When your uncle had started beating on her too, was also when she started helping you. Answer me, Potter, where was your aunt when Dursley had your hand over the burner?"

Potter looked at him before looking away. Severus knew the boy was thinking about his question.

"Potter, do you think my father abused me or do you think I deserved to be hit?"

"No, sir, I didn't think you deserved that."

"What if I told you a similar story? What if I told you, that my father had done the exact same thing to me? He put my hand over the burner. Do you think I deserved that? Even though, maybe I was bad that day?"

"No, sir."

"Then why do you think _you_ deserved that?"

"Because I'm a freak, okay! I deserved what I got, because I was so fuckin bad, that the only way they could handle me was to beat me!" Potter shouted. "Every day when I was kid, that's all I ever heard! That I was a freak! I tried not to believe it. I tried really fucking hard!" He now jumped up to his feet, pacing on the flat rock. Severus watched Potter's movements with wariness.

"What do you want from me? To just forget it all? Forget everything they drilled into my mind, since the day I arrived at that damned house!? That is how I grew up! It's all I know!"

Angry tears were now coming down the boy's cheeks. He wiped them away in frustration.

"Then its time I show you that they were wrong, Potter. You didn't deserve their abuse. So give me a chance to drill that into your mind!" Severus said in frustration. He swore he was starting to sound like a broken record. How many times had he told this boy, that he didn't deserve to be abused! _Merlin!_

"Do you know what it meant for me when Uncle Vernon was in a pissed off mood? Do you know what it meant for me when Dudley got me in trouble? Or when Aunt Petunia was annoyed by my very existence?!" Potter went on, as if Severus hadn't just spoken.

Severus tried to say something... but the angry Gryffindor cut him off.

"You don't know what it meant, because you weren't there to see that I deserved it! I'm a bad person! A freak! You may have had a rotten childhood as well, Professor, but you weren't bad like me. That is why you didn't deserve to be abused, because you were a good kid with a rotten father. Where I was just ungrateful and undisciplined who did strange things….I deserved the abuse…I was abused, Professor, and I deserved it!" Tears were now flowing down Potter's face as he spoke the last few words. It was as if he was just realizing how true they were to him.

_No, that is not true, child! How can you ever think that! No wonder you are so depressed, confused and mentally exhausted….Damn, look what you have to done to your sister's son, Petunia! This is it... _Severus thought. _It was only a matter of time before Potter lost control of his emotions._

Severus can now understand what Potter had been hiding. All of it. The reason why the kid couldn't trust Severus. The reason why the boy flinched every time Severus touched him. Why Potter was always putting himself down all the time, truly believing he deserved to be hit and not accepting it as abuse!

It was because the boy's self-esteem was so low, to the point that he saw himself as someone who deserved nothing but pain and humiliation, who was worth nothing. Thanks to those stinking muggles who raised Potter into believing that. They put in that child's head that he was such a disobedient freak, he deserved to be abused!

And now that Severus, as Potter's new guardian, even for temporarily, Potter expects nothing from him but abuse. He expects nothing but hurt and pain. And if Severus even proved Potter wrong, the boy will still have that doubt, that overwhelming fear, that if he grew too close to Severus, if the child opened up and talked to him, in the end he will get hurt rather by Severus' hand, or a cruel fate just like Sirius Black.

_But there is no need to be afraid, child. I won't hurt you, nor am I going anywhere. I wish you can see that!_

Severus quickly stood up. Without thinking, he pulled the child into his arms. Potter yelled out in frustration. After flinching violently from Severus' touch, the boy began to fight against the sudden embrace. After a few seconds though, the energy in Potter seemed to have gone out. He then did something that surprised Severus, Potter hugged him back. It was as if he were clinging onto Severus for dear life. Tears were soaking into Severus' robes as the child cried harder.

Once the tears stop, Potter let go of Severus and wiped away his tears. He briefly looked up at the professor before stepping back, training his gaze on the rock they were standing on.

"I'm sorry, sir," he mumbled shamefully.

"No, Potter," Severus said. "Don't you dare apologize! You didn't do anything wrong. You had to let that happen. I prefer your outbursts than you holding them in."

The boy nodded, still looking ashamed of his episode.

Severus sighed and gently lifted the boy's chin so he can look at him. Those green eyes were full of fear. Fear in finally deciding to trust Severus, maybe? Or he was afraid that Severus was going to hit him?

"There is no need to be afraid. I am never going to lay a hand on you. I give you my word, Potter, to treat you as if you were my own. There is also no need to fear that you will lose me like you did with your godfather, because I'm not going anywhere. Now, you just have to do your part and trust me child."

Severus expected the boy to look away and mutter his reply, or glare at him, or even yell, but no…, Potter stared back at him with determination in his eyes.

"I trust you, Professor," the boy said in a clear loud voice.

Severus couldn't help but smile, "That is what I've been waiting to hear from you."

The boy gave Severus a small smile.

"Come, let's get back to camp. I don't know about you, but I could use a strong cup of tea right about now."

"Professor," Potter said, before they began the walk back to their campsite. "You can call me Harry, if you like. Potter is so professional, and if I'm going to be staying at your house for the summer, then I think we should be on a first name basis."

Severus turned and looked at the child curiously before replying, "If that is what you wish, I don't see any reason not to."

The teen grinned as Severus went on, "And if you prefer calling me Severus, other than professor or sir when we are not at Hogwarts, then you may."

"Severus is a bit of a mouthful," Harry laughed. "Can't I call you Sev?"

Severus looked at Potter, no, Harry. He was Harry now. It was so strange, but what was even stranger, was the boy coming up with the name Sev. Only one person had ever called him that and it was Lily.

Severus gave Harry a small wistful smile, "you don't know how very much you are like your mother sometimes."

* * *

The walk back was quiet, even though they left in better spirits, Harry can suddenly feel his mood began to change. The sun was already rising over the treetops. Harry fell back a little behind the professor. He still couldn't believe he had said all those things to Snape, no, Severus. He was Severus now.

Harry couldn't explain what had happened between them lately. Only a few weeks ago, Severus was Snape, the Potions Professor who had it out for him since day one. But now...now he was Severus… the only adult who knew about Harry's punishments, beside Dumbledore.

_I'm just a problem to him now… Aunt Petunia and Uncle Vernon were right. I'm just a freak who darken people's doorsteps. Severus doesn't deserve this… I should've just jumped off that bloody cliff when I had the chance. That way I'll be doing him a favor…and everyone else for that matter..._

Surprised at his own thoughts, Harry wondered where that came from. Didn't he just talk it all out with Severus? Why did he still feel like this? Like he doesn't deserve another chance? Severus didn't even give him a proper punishment, all he did was shout until his voice was hoarse.

"Harry, stop dawdling!" Severus barked as he stopped to let him catch up. Harry realized he was far behind the professor now. Once he caught up to him, he noticed the grim expression on the professor's face.

_Of all places to run too, it had be up the highest hiking trail... _Harry thought, as he focused on not tumbling down the steep hill. He couldn't even remember how he managed to run up here.

It seemed like Severus was thinking the same thing. "Let's take a break for now," the professor said as he sat down on a large log.

Too tired to argue, Harry sat on the log besides him, a few lengths away.

It was quiet for a while. Harry looked down at his feet. He could feel Severus' gaze on him. Harry wished he would stop that, stop acting like he was some great mystery to solve.

"I'm going to ask you something, Harry, and I want you to answer truthfully."

"Okay..." Harry didn't like the sound of this.

"Tell me, why did you leave this morning? Why was it the waterfall you chose to go?"

"I told you, Professor, I needed air."

"There are other places you could had gone for air."

Harry shrugged his shoulders. Not wanting to tell Severus the truth. That Harry was going to kill himself. He had been thinking about it for a while. Who would miss him anyways? He was just a burden to Severus… just a pawn to Dumbledore… just a name to the wizarding society.

"Even though you won't say it, I know why you went up there. Don't you think I know why you decided to cut yourself up instead? "

"Sir, I…."

"No, Harry. I was going to wait until we got back to camp but I'm afraid this can't wait any longer," the professor said in a serious tone. "Close your eyes."

Harry nodded suspiciously and closed his eyes.

"Imagine that you went through with it. If you had jumped, tell me, what do you think might had been the outcome?"

"I would see my parents again….I would be with Sirius..."

"No, tell me, how do you think your friends, the Weasleys or even the wolf would react if you would had done it?"

"They won't care sir…."

"Don't be a fool, Potter! Think about their reactions. Even if you're too stubborn to see it, they really do care for you."

Harry squeezed his eyes shut, imagining the good times he had with his friends. The times he spent at the Burrow. The talks he had with Remus. If Harry would had offed himself… he didn't want to know how they would really react. Severus was right. It would be selfish for Harry to kill himself, because he was the only one who could kill Voldemort. What kind of person would he be to kill himself and leave the burden on Neville's shoulders? He wouldn't want anyone to deal with this. If Harry killed himself, if Neville failed, then Voldemort would win. And the people he cared about would suffer for it in the end.

"If I died, then everyone I know will suffer because I will leave them with Voldemort. If I die, Voldemort wins," Harry said quietly. "That's the only outcome I see, if I would had jumped."

"No Harry, fuck...," the professor muttered a few more choice swear words, while Harry wondered what he said wrong. All he did was speak the truth, really.

"That's not what I meant. You do have a small point. If you kill yourself, the Dark Lord wins because that is what he wants of you. Just because you are who the prophecy refers to, it doesn't mean you are the only one who can defeat him. You have us, Dumbledore, and the order to help you. You are not alone to fight this battle. However, what I meant, is that if you would had succeeded tonight, everyone would be truly upset. The Weasleys, your friends, Lupin, they would all grieve for you. You must see that you are in fact loved."

"No they wouldn't, no one cares for a freak. Freaks don't get to have a family or friends. Freaks don't deserve to have people who care…," Harry repeated Aunt Petunia's words.

"Harry, look at me."

Harry held in the torrent of emotions that was threatening to explode. The memories were suddenly taking over. They were fast and harsh.

_Petunia shouting the name freak at him. Uncle Vernon's hand raised, ready to strike._

Harry didn't want to look at Severus.

_Aunt Petunia was shouting at him. Telling him that freaks don't deserve hugs. Freaks don't deserve to have parents or be loved. Uncle Vernon was shouting at him, you are nothing but a waste of space, a burden to anyone you cross paths with!_

Tears threatened to spill. No, he couldn't look at the professor. If Severus even knew what Harry really was….

A gentle hand suddenly lifted his chin up.

"You are not a freak. Repeat it to me now!"

Harry shook his head, "I can't..."

"Say it!"

"I'm not…I'm…." Tears were now pouring down fast and warm. He couldn't do it. At a very young age, Harry was trained to call himself that. Aunt Petunia even had him say it in the mirror before school sometimes or when he got into trouble.

"You are not alone, child, I'm here... I'm here and I will help you," Severus said in that soothing voice.

"Say it with me now, Harry. I am not a freak."

Harry sobbed harder and shook his head. The memory became clearer in his mind_. _

_He was eight, staring at his reflection in the mirror. His eyes were bright green and teary from pain. He had just gotten in trouble for talking to Dudley. Dudley screamed at him and started crying to his mom. Aunt Petunia shouted at Harry for disturbing her baby with his freaky ways._

"Aunt Petunia, she wouldn't want me to say that professor," Harry finally managed to say.

"Why not?"

"Whenever I got into trouble she would make me stand in the mirror and say, I'm a freak, until she was satisfied that it was drilled in my head. Sometimes I would have to say, I am a freak and freaks don't deserve to eat. Freaks don't deserve to play with other children! Freaks don't deserve to have bedtime stories! Freaks don't deserve to go to the park! Freaks don't deserve to have new clothes! Freaks don't deserve to exist! Harry shouted. Each one louder than the one before. His whole body was shaking.

"Now do you see why I'm so bloody messed up?!"

"Harry, your hurting yourself! Let go of your arms!"

Harry looked down to see him scratching at his arms. It seemed like accidental magic had broken the infant charm again.

"Just leave me alone, Professor," Harry muttered. "Im nothing but a freak. A bad kid! That is what I am, and once you realized that, the sooner the better, because I know you'll leave in the end. They always do..."

"Rest assured, child, I'm not going anywhere." Severus had sat up from the log and knelt down on the leafy forest ground, so that he was eye level with Harry. He held down Harry's arms to prevent him from scratching himself again.

"What your aunt made you do was unspeakable. Now, I understand why you can't accept the reality of you not being a freak. You were only a young child when she made you do that. I understand it is all you know, but now you have to ask yourself, is that really how I see myself?"

Harry looked away from the Potions Professor. He can feel his cheeks reddened in shame and embarrassment.

"No, look at me, child, because I want you to listen and understand what I'm telling you. You are not a freak. I've said this once before and I'm going to keep saying it. I don't ever want to hear you call yourself that for now on. I don't want to hear how you don't deserve to be loved or happy. I don't want to hear it, because those things are not true!"

Harry scowled. Snape was being a git! Why couldn't he just see he was wrong? Why couldn't he accept that Harry didn't want to talk about this anymore?

"But I am, professor! Why can't you just let this go! Just leave me alone! Why do you even bother with me? It's not like you even care anyways! You've never did and now all of sudden you do?!"

"I'm not going over that conversation again, boy! I'm also not letting this go!" Severus shouted. He abruptly stood up and pointed his wand in the air.

"Speculo!"

A large circular mirror appeared out of thin air, floating a few feet off the ground. Harry can see their reflections in it. He can see Severus standing there and himself sitting, looking disheveled and upset.

"Tell me what you see, Harry," Severus ordered.

"I see you standing there, and I'm sitting," Harry mumbled. He was unsure of what to say. He gave Severus a questioning look, thinking the professor had gone crazy or mad or something.

"No, look at yourself and tell me what you see," Severus said in exasperation, as if he were thinking this was the easiest thing in the world.

"Okay…um…," Harry took a closer look at himself. He wanted to say that all he saw was a freak. A pathetic, lost, looking freak but he knew Severus didn't want to hear that. So, he looked closer at himself. Harry saw nothing but his face, his messy, black hair, his green eyes behind round glasses.

Harry was about to say that he couldn't see anything but then a flashback went through his mind.

_Five year old Harry was standing in front of the mirror. It was when Aunt Petunia first made him call himself a freak at his own reflection, but he didn't see the freak she called him. No, he saw a lost, scared kid, who had no idea why he had to do this, had no idea why he was singled out to be hurt and punished by the Dursleys. Harry remembered how much he had resisted believing he was a freak at first, but as time went on, Harry began to lose the fight. He began to believe those words, that he, Harry, was a freak._

Harry looked closer at his reflection, Severus waited patiently for him to answer his question. Harry looked at his messy, black hair, it was more messy then usual. His green eyes behind the round glasses were unnaturally bright. Every time Harry looked in the mirror, he always saw the freak, Aunt Petunia had forced him to call himself. But this time, he didn't see the freak. Harry saw the lost, little kid he used to be when he was five years old, the kid who used to fight back. The kid Harry lost, as he grew up.

"I see a lost kid," Harry whispered. _A lost little kid, who doesn't know why his aunt and uncle hurt him…._

"I see that too, Harry," Severus waved the mirror away with a flick of his wand and sat down next to him. "I don't see a freak, I only see you."

"I don't know who I am anymore, I don't know if I can be that kid I used to be...," Harry said quietly, slow, warm tears began to make their way down. Harry suddenly felt hot anger at his relatives and he realized one thing, if he ever had to get them back for what they done, then all he had to do was stop believing he was a freak and find himself. Find that lost kid and move on, be happy. It is what Sirius would want, and his parents too…, and Harry had just promised Sirius that he will try…_so enough feeling sorry for yourself!_ Harry berated himself.

Harry wiped his tears away, looked Severus deep in the eye and said, "I'm going to try, Professor, even though it's not easy. I just feel … like my world is falling apart. I keep having these memories, and now I can't keep myself together. I can't do it anymore. They are still haunting me. They are still in my head, shouting at me, that I am a freak. I am everything that is terrible in their lives…and I don't know if I can listen anymore... I don't know if I can go on like this. That is why I was there, Sev,...I was going to jump...I was… but then I don't know why I couldn't. Maybe it was Sirius' voice in my head telling me to stop? I don't know, but…I'm just I…I...," Harry didn't know what to say anymore. He looked away from the professor. He was so mentally exhausted, he just couldn't think anymore. "I promise I'll try and be happy, I promise I'll let you help me…," he whispered.

"Of course I will help you, Harry, You are not alone in this. I promise you will find your happiness and I'll be there every step of the way," Severus gave his shoulder a small squeeze of reassurance. Harry, for once didn't flinch away. It was something that surprised him so much, he let out a small smile. _Maybe I'll be okay…._

* * *

The rest of the day was filled with finishing the last of Harry's homework, tutoring lessons in potions, and some more swimming in the lake. Harry expected Severus to still be angry at what he had done, but it seemed like the professor had let his anger go. The only thing that annoyed Harry to no end was that now, Severus had declared Harry on suicide watch. That meant Severus was always making sure Harry was in his line of sight even if he had to go to the bathroom.

Harry was currently floating on his back in the lake, his gaze drifted up to the cloudless sky. He couldn't believe that just hours ago, Harry was ready to jump. He was ready to just let go and give it all away. He wasn't even sure what stopped him. Harry still had the feelings of grief over Sirius' death, and the pressure of ridding the wizarding world of Voldemort. He still felt like a freak even though he got a glimpse of the kid he used to be. It was just so much for one teenager to bear.

It was going to take a lot of work to overcome this deep depression Harry had fallen into.

_When did I get like this? How did this happen?_ Harry wondered. _Why do I feel like this all the time? Why can't I just be happy? Normal? _

Everything just felt so out of control and that was why Harry wanted to jump. He was just tired. His mind was always full of his thoughts, to the point where he couldn't sleep at night. And when he did manage to sleep, Harry was plagued with nightmares. His heart felt like it had broken into pieces. His very soul had felt like it was covered in ice, and he just felt so cold and heavy all the time. Sometimes, when Harry was with Severus, he noticed the way the professor would look at him. Like he knew what Harry was feeling, and he just hoped with all of his heart that he was right to trust Severus. For if anything should happen, if Severus betrayed his trust, Harry didn't think he will be able to go through that. He didn't think he'll be able to live.

"Harry, come out of the water now! The sun is about to go down!" Severus shouted. Harry groaned before he began to swim towards shore. It was strange, the Dursleys never taught Harry to swim but somehow in fourth year, he was able to pick up the technique during the second task of the Triwizard Tournament.

It was that year when everything began to change for Harry. That year, Voldemort had come back. That year Diggory had died right in front of Harry. That year, Uncle Vernon's abuse became tougher due to Harry screaming in his sleep. Harry couldn't even remember the innocent kid he used to be before fourth year. Harry was just lost, he truly had no idea who he was anymore.

Harry began to wonder what would happen if he just stopped swimming right now. If he just sank to the bottom and let everything go. Let death do its job and take him into the arms of Sirius and his parents, but no… he had to stop thinking those thoughts. He made a promise to not only Sirius, but also to Severus.

So, Harry forced himself to keep going.

To keep fighting.

Keep living…

* * *

Thunder echoed through the forest, along with the howling of the swirling wind and rustling of the trees, but that is not what woke Severus up at two in the morning. No, it was pain that burned hot and sharp, instantly waking him. At first, he had no idea where it was coming from, until he looked at his forearm. The dark mark branded into his skin was causing his blood to boil in his veins, like hot, racing lava. It was dark, the snake was moving and his whole arm was sheering, red hot.

_No… the Dark Lord is calling…._

It had to be important for it to burn this hot, to burn this sharply.

Severus shakily got to his feet. He lit the lantern to brighten up the tent. He quickly pulled on his black billowing robes and rinsed his face from a summoned bowl of water. He had to leave right away, but first he must take Harry somewhere safe. The Weasleys will have to do... Severus grabbed Harry's rucksack stuffed all of his clothes and belongings in it before he woke the boy.

"Harry…, Harry, come on now, child, wake up."

"Severus?" the boy asked sleepily. "What's going on?"

"There is no time to explain, get up. I'm taking you to the Weasleys."

He gave the boy his packed rucksack and broomstick. He grabbed the boy's hiking stick and whispered, "Portus." The stick glowed blue. "Take this," Severus said, handing him the Portkey.

"No, why are you sending me away, Professor? What's going on?"

"I'll explain later, Harry. Take the Portkey!" Severus growled.

"You're not coming with me?" Harry said stricken as he fully registered what was going on, the sleepy tone in his voice completely fading away.

"No, but I promise I'll pick you up soon."

"How long is soon?"

Severus didn't reply for he had no idea how long the Dark Lord was planning to have him there, or how long it will take for him to recover. At the rate of pain the dark mark was causing him, the Dark Lord was furious. When Severus' dark mark burned this hot, he always ended up coming back to Hogwarts, shaken, and hurt from the Dark Lord's wrath.

Harry seemed to read that silence as, Severus was going to be gone for a long while. He grabbed Severus' arm. His green eyes were full of panic and fear. It reminded Severus of himself, when he was a small child, when his mom would leave him alone at the house with his father. Severus would cry because he thought she would never come back.

"Please, don't go, Severus! Please!" the teen shouted.

Severus shook the memories away. He did not have time for this. The Dark Lord was becoming angrier every second Severus wasted. He pulled Harry's hand off of him roughly. The boy flinched but Severus pretended not to notice as he closed Harry's hand around the Portkey. He looked straight into the boy's eyes, "I will come back for you. Just trust me, child," before letting go and the frightened teen was gone….

Taking a deep breath, Severus closed his eyes. He had to secure his mental barriers to keep the Dark Lord out. He had to swallow the guilt for sending Harry away so abruptly. The fear in the boy's eyes hurt Severus worse than the dark mark, for he knew Harry was only beginning to trust him.

When the time came for Severus to pick him up, he feared if the teen would even want to be with him again. He might be seeing this as betrayal. Severus had worked so hard to earn Harry's trust and now this had to happen! After a few more moments of strengthening his mental shields, Severus was ready for the inevitable pain coming his way.

The first few raindrops were hitting the tent roof above him as Severus began to undo a few wards to allow him to apparate. He hoped that that Harry made it to the Burrow without getting soaked. The sound of the upcoming storm promised a heavy summer rain. It seemed to fit Severus' mood as he apparated away to face the wrath of Lord Voldemort.

* * *

Harry landed hard on the ground in front of the Burrow. It was pouring. Rain water soaked Harry through his pajamas, which he was still wearing by the way. Anger settled hot and heavy in his stomach. He couldn't believe what Severus had done. He didn't know why he was sent here, or when Severus would even come back. And now, Harry was standing outside the Burrow in the pouring rain, soaked and freezing.

_I must look bloody pathetic!_ Harry thought, picking up his rucksack, broomstick and hiking stick, before he made his way to the Burrow. As he knocked on the door, he wondered if the Weasleys were even up or if they even knew he was coming. Harry then realized that Severus still had his wand. What if something happened? What if Death Eaters attacked and Harry would be defenseless? Another surge of anger directed at the Potions Master made Harry clench his jaw and glare at the wooden door in front of him.

"State your name!" a voice shouted over the sound of thunder and the steady, drumming of the rain.

Taken aback, Harry shouted, "Harry Potter!" _I'm standing out here in the bloody rain!_

The door opened barely a crack, revealing Mr. Weasley, who was dressed in pajamas with his wand out and asked, "What was the first question I asked Harry Potter when we first met?"

"Um…," Harry took a moment to remember. "What is the function of a rubber duck?"

Mr. Weasley smiled and lowered his wand. "Sorry, Harry, I have to take precautions. These are dark times we are in."

"Understood, Mr. Weasley," Harry sighed in relief. Mr. Weasley was not someone you would want to have pointing a wand at you.

"Come on in, Harry! Let's get you out of the rain! Molly is going to throw a fit when she sees how soaked you are!" Mr. Weasley said after giving him a brief, fatherly hug.

"Did Dumbledore send you here?" he asked as he let Harry in and closed the door behind them. Harry leaned his hiking stick near the door along with his broomstick, and placed his rucksack on the floor.

"No it was Professor Snape, it's a long story…," Harry said

"Professor Snape? What were you doing with him?"

Before Harry could reply however, he was suddenly attacked by a furious, motherly embrace.

"Harry!" Mrs. Weasley shouted. "Heavens, you are soaked to the bone!" she pulled out her wand and casted a drying and warming charm on him. Warmth suddenly spread all the way to his toes and finger tips. His pajamas were now warm and dry.

"Thank you, Mrs. Weasley," Harry grinned.

"Oh, it's no trouble at all, dear! Sit down, while I make you a cup of tea. Are you hungry?"

"Um, the tea is fine. I had a big dinner before I went to bed."

Mrs. Weasley began to set up the tea kettle, as Mr. Weasley sat down, waiting for an explanation.

Harry wasn't sure what to tell him. How was he supposed to tell the Weasleys, that the reason why he was with Severus, was because he was mistreated by his relatives? After a few moments of Harry racking his brain for ways to explain why he was knocking at their doorstep at the dead of night, Mrs. Weasley placed a hot steaming mug of tea in front of him. She then sat next to her husband, and Harry knew it was time to say something, so he hastily decided to give only a part of the truth.

"Dumbledore sent Sev…., um, Professor Snape to pick me up, but then he had to go somewhere. I'm not sure where, he wouldn't tell me. He just sent me here by Portkey," Harry stuttered out. He suddenly had no idea what to do with his hands. It was also getting too warm in here. His skin was burning and his head began to hurt. He wanted Severus. No matter how mad Harry was at him right now, he needed the soothing voice and presence of his temporary guardian.

"Harry, are you okay?" Mrs. Weasley asked suddenly.

"What?" _Why is she staring at me? I'm fine, it's just really warm…._

Mr. Weasley's hand was suddenly over Harry's forehead. "He's burning up, Molly!"

Mrs. Weasley stood up and put her hand on his forehead. Harry felt his cheeks blush at the unwanted attention.

"I'm fine, Mrs. Weasley. I don't want to be any trouble," he mumbled.

"No, don't be ridiculous. You're no trouble at all, my dear. Your part of our family. How many times do we have to tell you?" Mrs. Weasley hugged him before summoning a pepper up potion.

Harry took a small gulp of it, right away feeling the effects of it. Smoke blew out of his ears, and his eyelids began to droop. A nice warm bed was suddenly at the forefront of Harry's mind.

"You can sleep in Percy's room... he's not...," Mrs. Weasley stopped talking. Harry didn't miss the tears in her eyes.

"Come on, love, up you get, we can talk more once you've gotten some more sleep."

"Goodnight, Mr. Weasley," he mumbled.

"Have a good night, son," Mr. Weasley patted his shoulder.

Mrs. Weasley ushered him upstairs, tucked him into bed and felt his forehead once more.

"You're just a little feverish, Harry, but it's nothing that Pepper up Potion can't cure. Just get some rest."

She took off his glasses and placed them on the nightstand beside the bed and kissed his forehead. "Goodnight, dear," she said gently, closing the door behind her.

"Goodnight, Mrs. Weasley," he muttered but he was already getting lost in the heavy lull of sleep. The sound of the heavy rain drumming on the window panes was the last thing Harry remembered, before falling into a deep fitful sleep, filled with Voldemort's laughter and darkness and Severus promising Harry that he will be back for him.

**A/N: Another chapter finished! So I know the rubber duck question was only in the movie and not in the book, but I couldn't help myself, that part was pretty funny haha and also Speculo means mirror in Latin. **

**Now tell what did you think?! =D**

**Do you think Harry will be alright? Will he keep his promise to Sirius and Sev? Why did Severus get summoned by Voldemort? Will he come back? Does it have to do with Remus? Have you guys forgotten about Remus and Kaylie? Will don't worry! The next chapter will be about them! **

**Now time for the acknowledgments of my awesome reviewers! :D **

**xCrimson Eyes****: Thanks for all of your reviews. **** I hope your enjoying my story, even though it's pretty angsty lol**

**Hannahdoodle 100****: Oh I didn't know about that part about the raccoons….I promise to do my research next time. Keep reading and reviewing :D!**

**EKP:**** Yes Harry still has a long way to go and he really does need Remus. He also needs Severus, but Harry just doesn't know it yet ;) I love your reviews! Keep reading!**

**Jamage****: Haha good, you learned your lesson but this chapter wasn't so scary, just angsty. I'm glad you're enjoying my story.;)**

**Guest****: Thank you for reviewing! I hope you enjoyed this chapter.**

**SevHarry:**** Aww haha if I stop writing it will be my own fault, but we don't have to worry about that, cus I still have my muse ****I'm glad you liked the last chapter and I hope you like this one too. This one for sure probably made you cry, so I'll just say sorry right now lol and also, Severus doesn't know he has gone soft on Harry lol**

**Caraline Fisher:**** Yes my story is coming along nicely, even though I somehow always miss typos before editing haha. Thank you for reviewing!:)**

**Anoelles****: I hoped you like this chapter! Thanks for reviewing! =)**

**Vonnny25****: Thank you! But I don't know if this chapter was cute lol**


	13. Chapter 13 Remus Lupin, Whom Severus Alw

**Chapter Thirteen – Remus Lupin, Whom Severus Always Despised **

When Remus was bitten as a young child, he didn't understand at first what had happened to him. He only knew that the full moon meant pain. So much pain and blood and horrors, which he was too young to understand. His father would tell him every day that he must control the wolf inside….

"Never lose control. Never give into the monster inside."

Those words were ringing in Remus' mind as he slowly began to open his eyes to a world of blurry faces and colors. He had no idea where he was or why he was covered in blood. All he knew, was the excoriating pain. If he moved even a finger, Remus was sure he would die.

"Remus..., look at me."

It was a voice belonging to a blurry face above him. Remus squinted his eyes, trying to get a closer look, but his head began to pound and his vision grew dark. He couldn't hold on much longer. He closed his heavy eyes again, giving into the darkness that called him.

This time Remus wasn't just plagued by memories, but of nightmares….

Nightmares of wolves, blood, killing and pain.

So much fiery pain….

It took over his mind and spirit. He had no idea who he was anymore. Nothing else existed and he was just this floating, lifeless, ball of energy.

Remus opened his eyes again. This time he was alone. The sky seen from the tiny window above was dark. Night had fallen. Remus wondered how long he was asleep. He tried to assess his body but it was no use figuring out where the pain was coming from. Remus curled up into a ball. He had no idea what happened to Kaylie, had no idea if she was alive, for the cellar reeked of her blood and fear.

_I killed her…,_ a small voice in his mind whispered_. I killed another child. I killed my friend's daughter…._

Remus closed his eyes again, wishing for death to just come and take him, but all he saw was Kaylie's young face, Johnathan's angry gaze and Remus' dad….

His dad who always told Remus to never lose control. Never become the monster inside, but now...

There was no point in fighting anymore… nothing to fight for…. Remus was giving up.

_I'm sorry dad, I've let you down so much. I'm sorry I couldn't be the son you wanted…I never was the son you wanted, because…._

_Because…._

Ever since Remus was bitten, he was no longer John Lupin's son. No, from that moment on, he belonged to Fenrir Greyback.

* * *

"Wake up, wolf!"

Remus opened his eyes but closed them again. His body was blazing hot. The infection was ravaging through his body, rising up a fever that made his body ache.

"Get up!"

Remus groaned but didn't move.

The Death Eater left. Remus was falling back into unconsciousness when the cellar door opened again.

"The wolf won't get up or move, or anything, Greyback, I think he is as good as dead now!"

Remus could feel Greyback's presence lean down close to him. Remus didn't even flinch. The fever was taking over his mind and the last thing he remembered, was Greyback's scent and the gleam of amber eyes full of satisfaction and hate.

* * *

Greyback smiled sadistically at his prisoner who was laying broken and beaten on the floor. His traitorous son's eyes were unfocused and glazed over with fever. The smell of sickness and blood was strong in the cellar. But this was perfect... this was what Greyback wanted, because now, Remus Lupin was broken. Now he could get what he wanted. Remus Lupin was now his to play with.

"Macnair, summon the Dark Lord," Greyback ordered happily. "We are about to learn the secrets of Albus Dumbledore and his little Phoenix club."

Macnair wasted no time in summoning the Dark Lord. He lifted up his sleeve and pointed his wand to his Dark Mark. The Dark Mark shuddered and grew darker on his skin.

"And now... we wait," Greyback laughed as he pushed Remus' hair out of his eyes. He looked into those glazed, feverish hazel-green eyes.

"You think you are in pain now, son? Just wait until our Dark Lord arrives. He knows magic that you've never dreamed of. Horrors, you've never imagined in your life. And after he deals with you, you will be mine!"

The glazed eyes of Remus Lupin showed no sign that he heard or even understood him. Greyback knew he was incoherent from sickness, but he will regain consciousness soon. And when he does, his son will wish he never woken up.

* * *

It was reaching nightfall as the werewolves and Death Eaters around the camp, waited in apprehension for their Dark Lord to arrive. Greyback paced on the porch of the little run-downed cottage, full of suppressed excitement. He couldn't wait to hear the screams of his traitorous son.

A loud pop suddenly rang throughout the clearing, the Dark Lord was the only one who could apparate through the wards that protected the camp.

Greyback tried to suppress the shudders of horror as the dark-robed wizard walked nearer to him, until he was standing right in front of him. Red eyes, so evil, beyond evil, glared down at him.

"Tell me, Greyback, why have I been summoned? I've told you to not bother me, unless, it's something important!"

"It is the upmost importance, My Lord, I'll explain why I summoned you here on the way to our cellar."

Greyback began to lead Lord Voldemort, as he explained, "we recently just got a new batch of werewolves to train. You will be pleased to know who we found, for he can be valuable to us. He has information about Dumbledore and the Order. All we have to do is get the information out of him, something that you might even enjoy, My Lord."

Lord Voldemort glared at him with his red, snake eyes. Greyback had no idea if he was pleased or not. He could only hope the Dark Lord was, for if not… Greyback didn't want to think about his fate.

"Let's just say I left the fun part for you," Greyback growled as he opened the door. He didn't dare look at Lord Voldemort's face as the dark wizard took in the scene. A dirty and stinking cellar, with a prisoner chained to the floor, looking like death had taken him already.

"Ahhh… well done, Greyback. I see you have captured Remus Lupin. Albus Dumbledore's pet! And, I see you had fun with him already," he hissed in a slithery tone as he walked around the unconscious prisoner, quietly observing. He moved Remus' head gently with the tip of his foot smiling sadistically.

"Wake him," the Dark Lord ordered.

Greyback signaled to the waiting Death Eaters at the door to wake up their prisoner. He hoped the mutt will finally give in and reveal the precious information, for this could change everything. This will make them one step ahead of Albus Dumbledore.

"Wake up, wolf!" Macnair kicked the prisoner.

"Rennervate!" Dolohov yelled, pointing his wand at Lupin. The werewolf's eyes snapped open. Greyback can see they still had that glazed, feverish look. He growled under his breath. The sickness had taken hold of him already. Lupin won't be in his right mind. That was either good or bad, for he might reveal the information without a fight, but if the sickness ravaged his mind bad enough, he might not remember it at all.

The Dark Lord wasted no time at all to torture Lupin, "Crucio!" he yelled. Lupin screamed in pain and writhed his body, trying to curl up and escape from it. Greyback couldn't help but smile at his son's screams.

After five solid minutes of Lupin being under the Cruciatus curse, Lord Voldemort finally lifted it and knelt down to the prisoner. He whispered in a soft, crooning voice, which sounded like hissing. "Tell me, Remus Lupin, where are the headquarters to Dumbledore's Order? Where is the old fool keeping Harry Potter?"

Lupin turned away his feverish eyes from the Dark Lord. He was breathing heavily, sweat was pouring down his face. "No…," he mumbled. "Don't make me forget, please…."

"I've seen you've done a job on this one, Greyback! This wolf isn't even sane enough to reveal the information!"

The Dark Lord was furious as he subjugated Greyback under the Cruciatus curse.

Greyback screamed in pain. The curse was lifted and Greyback didn't fail to notice that Dolohov and Macnair were dead.

"Call Severus," Voldemort hissed. "Call him, for we shall use Veritaserum on the wolf!"

* * *

Severus apparated in front of a small run-downed cottage. The first thing he noticed, was the strength of the wards around him, this place was heavily guarded. He looked around and noticed the werewolves all training or standing around in groups.

_What is this place?_

Greyback stepped out of the cabin, with a maniac gleam to his amber eyes and a sadistic smile on his rugged, scarred face.

"Ah, Severus, I hope you have some Veritaserum with you."

"A Potions Master always arrives prepared…."

To prevent information coming out, Severus made sure to always bring his own Veritaserum, a colorless, odorless potion. Only a truly gifted Potions Master will be able to know that Severus had spiked his brew, creating a false image in the drinker's head, making him believe it was the truth, therefore, that was what the drinker will be forced to say. It was the safest way for Severus to prevent important information from leaking out, keeping the Order and Harry safe from the Dark Lord.

"I'll lead you to the Dark Lord and our prisoner," Greyback growled. "Follow me."

Severus did just that, wondering who the prisoner was.

_It could be Lupin_...

Severus right away began to form a plan of escape. If Lupin was here with Greyback _and_ the Dark Lord, there was no knowing how bad his condition would be.

Greyback led Severus to a dark, foul-smelling cellar with a stone floor and walls, and a small window high above them, letting in a soft glow of moonlight. It lit up a small, emancipated figure on the floor. Severus frowned as he took a closer look.

To his horror, his suspicions were confirmed. The broken figure that he was seeing, was indeed, Remus Lupin.

Remus Lupin, that quiet bookworm at Hogwarts. The one Severus obsessed about, once he grew suspicious of Lupin's secrets. Secrets of becoming a werewolf every full moon. Remus Lupin, the clever one in Potter's little gang. Remus Lupin…, Lily's favorite marauder. Remus Lupin, whom Severus always despised.

Remus Lupin who was chained to the wall by a metal collar around his neck, like a dog. His hair a dirty tangle. His neck and wrists had deep, serious-looking burns that were a furious red, showing signs of infection. Wounds covered his whole body. And Severus could see from the way Lupin was breathing, that his ribs must be broken. Also, Severus could feel the heat from Lupin's high fever as soon as he stepped into the cellar.

Severus tried to keep his mind blank by Occluding even more, but then..., he noticed the brand on Lupin's chest.

**Werewolf:**

**Classified Dark Creature**

Fury swept over Severus, fast and powerful. He didn't even know where it came from, and he fought with all he had to keep his body language and face relaxed. He mustn't give away his true loyalties right now. Not now, If he wanted to get Lupin out of there safely.

"Ah, Severus, glad you could join us," the Dark Lord hissed, once he noticed Severus standing in the shadows.

"I assume there is no need to introduce you to our prisoner. I know you've known him at school. He is one of James Potter's old friends, is he not?"

"Yes, my Lord," he pulled out the Veritaserum from his robes. "I brought you your potion, shall we get on with it?"

"Yes, of course, Severus, you were never one for wasting time. You may administer the potion to him now."

Severus knelt down in front of Lupin, so that his body was blocking them from the eyes of the Dark Lord and Greyback. He pushed the hair out of Lupin's eyes, which fluttered open. His hazel-green eyes were tinged with gold. The eyes of the wolf. Severus could still feel the fear he once felt, after Black and Potter had played that terrible, idiotic prank on him in fifth year. He forced himself to not think about that right now. This was no time to be thinking about old, school grudges.

"Drink this, Lupin," Severus murmured. "It will take away your pain." He hoped the small lie will reassure Lupin to drink the potion, but instead, Lupin's eyes gave him a terrified look.

"No, no!" Lupin muttered and turned his head away. "I don't want to forget… no!"

"Lupin, this won't take away your memories! Now drink this!" Severus hissed but Lupin shut his lips tight. Tears started to pour down his cheeks. The sight of Lupin actually crying took Severus off guard. It scared him deeply. Lupin was always the sensible one of the Marauders. The one who always kept it together. Always level-headed. Too proud to admit how hurt or tired he was sometimes, from the full moon. And now, to see this broken man crying in front of him, it was just terrible and scary to witness.

Severus wasn't even sure what made him do it. He placed his hand on Lupin's face, gently wiping the tears away and whispered, "do this for me, Lupin, drink this and I promise, you will be safe."

Lupin opened his eyes. They were so clouded with confusion, Severus doubted that Lupin knew who he was.

"Trust me, Lupin," Severus whispered.

The wolf briefly looked at Severus. In that second, Severus suddenly felt overwhelmed with the pain and fear in his eyes. Remus closed his eyes once more, taking a few deep breaths, before finally opening his mouth. Wasting no time, Severus immediately poured a few drops of Veritaserum inside the werewolf's lips, along with a few drops of a Mors Somono draught.

In three minutes time, Lupin will fall back to sleep. His heart rate will stop, making the Dark Lord and Greyback believe their prisoner died.

Severus then stood up and said quietly, "you can start your interrogation, My Lord."

"State your name, wolf!" the Dark Lord asked as he nudged Lupin's side hard with his foot.

"Remus John Lupin," Lupin said hoarsely.

"How old were you when you were bit by Fenrir Greyback?"

"Four years old."

"Who are you loyal too?

"Albus Dumbledore."

"Where are the Headquarters of the Order of the Phoenix located?"

If the spiked Veritaserum potion worked as Severus intended, it should place a false image in Lupin's mind, making him believe it was the truth.

"The Order disbanded after the death of Sirius Black. Dumbledore has locked himself in his office at Hogwarts. No one knows what he is planning to do or what his next move will be." Lupin's voice was robotic and hoarse.

"Tell me the whereabouts of Harry Potter."

"No one knows where the boy is, Dumbledore moved him to a secret location."

"And not one person knows about this location?"

But Lupin's eyes closed and his breathing became shallower. It seemed as if his body could only take so much.

"No...," Lupin only managed to gasp, before passing out.

"That was bloody useless," Severus snarled.

"No, it was not. The order disbanded. That means Albus Dumbledore has given up," the Dark Lord laughed. He suddenly turned to Severus with his wand raised.

"Diffindo!"

Severus felt a cut open on his cheek, he barely managed to just grunt in pain and keep his shields up.

"You're spying on the old coot, are you not, Severus? Why couldn't you tell me this information before?"

"My Lord," Severus said hoarsely.

"Crucio!"

Severus knelt to the floor, trying not to scream. Everything hurt! Nothing existed but pain!

After a long two minutes, the spell was lifted.

"My Lord, Dumbledore has gotten suspicious of me. As soon as I've heard the news of Black's death, I've been laying low."

The Dark Lord knelt down and looked straight into his eyes. Severus knew what he was doing. He was using Legilimency to see if Severus was telling the truth. Severus threw up his shield with all his might, creating false images of himself laying low, lying to Albus...

"Very well, Severus," the Dark Lord hissed.

Greyback knelt down and checked Lupin's pulse. "The wolf is dead, My Lord."

"That doesn't surprise me," Lord Voldemort hissed, stepping forward, with his dark robes sweeping the cellar floor. He knelt down and cradled Lupin's cheek with his hand. "Remus Lupin was always a weak half-breed. I expected nothing more from him."

Severus had no idea why the sight of the Dark lord caressing Lupin's face like that, made his stomach twist in anger, or the fact that he called Lupin a weak half-breed. Maybe, it was because Severus knew Lupin was made of stronger stuff. He was stronger than every damn werewolf or Death Eater in this place!

"Severus!"

Severus cringed in pain, for the Dark Lord had sent a silent cutting spell on his face again.

"I want you to take Lupin's body back to his beloved master. Let's see what Albus Dumbledore thinks when he sees his beloved pet dead at my hands," the Dark Lord laughed cruelly before leaving the cellar.

Greyback stood in front of Lupin's body and growled, "over my dead body, your taking Lupin! He's mine!"

In a flash, Severus shouted, "Incarcerous!"

The werewolf was suddenly tied up by a thick rope. He struggled and growled, gnawing at the rope viciously. He had no time to play games with Greyback! No time to waste. The Mors Somono draught in Lupin's system was going to wear off soon, and he didn't want to still be in this cellar when it did. However, despite the circumstances, Severus couldn't believe his luck! He was given a free reign to take Lupin to Hogwarts without a fight, or raise suspicion that he was a spy for Dumbledore.

He knelt down near Lupin and brushed his golden hair out his eyes. Severus' hand then traveled down Lupin's cheek, and onto the thick metal collar. He waved his wand, the collar disappeared, revealing an angry, red burn around Lupin's neck, just like the burns on his wrists. All of them swollen and the color of an angry red, crusted with dried blood. They smelled horrible and Severus can guess that was the source of the infection, causing the feverish heat coming off his body in stifling waves. Severus just hoped Madame Pomfrey was a good enough healer to fix Lupin up. He didn't know what he'll do if Harry lost another of his father's friends.

_Just hang on, Lupin, don't you dare bloody die or I swear I'm going to go after you and pull you back down to earth! There's a teenage boy who needs you!_ Severus thought. He didn't dare say it out loud for the tied up Greyback to hear.

Suddenly footsteps were heard and Severus instantly covered Lupin's body with his own.

A skinny, tall man with glasses opened the cellar door, he was carrying a young girl….

Severus looked at him trying to understand what he was seeing.

The man looked hesitantly at the tied up, growling Greyback. He laid the girl next to Lupin and whispered, "she's dead. Take her out of here, somewhere where she can be buried."

Out of Greyback's line of sight, the man gave a small wink. Severus looked down at the girl to see her faintly breathing. She was alive! The healer was just trying to keep her safe from Greyback!

"Who are you?" Severus asked.

"I'm the healer in this camp, my name is Matt. Kaylie was a close friend of mine. So please, just take her out of here!"

Suddenly footsteps were heard, "there is no time to explain! You must take her with you! Dumbledore knows who she is!"

"I can't Apparate with both of them!"

"Here, take this! The wards are down because of You-Know-Who, so you can use this as a Portkey!"

Severus took the object, an empty potions flask. "Portus," he whispered.

He put the girl's cold hand on it along with Lupin's blazing hot one.

The last thing he saw was Matt's tired face, before Severus felt the familiar pull around his naval. Greyback's howls of rage was the last thing he heard, before falling in front of the gates of Hogwarts, along with Kaylie and Lupin.

**A/N: I know I took long to update and I know this is a short chapter but I've been so busy. I was trying so hard to rent an apartment, but then I didn't get the apartment and I was too disappointed to work on my story. But now I'm better, and I'm feeling inspired once more. **

**A special thanks to girlyninja for sending me a message to update as soon as possible. It cheered me up a lot and it helped me get back on my feet with this story. So thank you so much!**

**So tell me what did you think about this chapter? Please be nice to me I had a long month!**

**Review Responses!**

**GunsFallSilent****: sorry :( I made sure not to do that in this chapter.. there might still be some.. I honestly never noticed that. Thanks for informing me. I hope you liked my story still.**

**Jamage:**** Yeah things are starting to go well, Sev is finally breaking down Harry's walls. Thanks for your review! I'm always looking forward to them.**

**SevHarry:**** ha-ha, okay, I'm proud then! ;) And I'm glad you're enjoying my story.. I hope Harry and Remus will be okay! But I think I know ha-ha**

**Anonymous:**** I do that too, when I'm reading a really good fanfic and then I start crying when there is no more to read and the writer hasn't updated in years. For example, An Aunt's Love... *sigh*... you have to check that story out. Trust me you'll fall in love with it and really cry when you finish, cus she updates once in every 100 years! Also, I'm so glad you're enjoying my story. It makes me happy that people out there are still reading lol**

**Merlins-Wolf:**** Thank you soo much! :D**

**This goes to everyone! Search up **_**An Aunt's love by Emma Lipardi**_**….It's really good! I think I might even reread it myself now! =)**


	14. Chapter 14 You Have to Keep Living

**Chapter Fourteen - You Have to Keep Living**

**Disclaimer: I don't own any Harry Potter characters, all the credit goes specifically to J.K Rowling.**

Harry had no idea where he was, or why he was running. He couldn't even remember if this was real or a dream. The only thing he knew, was he had to keep running. Run, until he couldn't run anymore. His muscles in his legs were protesting, the stich in his side was screaming in pain. He gasped for air in his tired lungs, and still, Harry kept running. He didn't dare look back for the shadows behind him might get him... shadows of the people he killed, Sirius, his parents, Cedric; they all were dead because of him. Suddenly a loud, clapping sound rang throughout the forest, shaking the ground, causing Harry to fall. Suddenly, Sirius was there, with his pasty, bony, wasted arms and gaunt eyes.

"Harry…."

Another loud boom shook the earth.

Sirius was right there, an inch away, about to get him.

Harry covered his face. "I'm sorry!" he shouted.

"Harry!"

The ground shook once more and Harry's eyes opened. He was in bed, in Percy's room, at the Burrow.

It was only a dream... only a dream; and the shadows didn't exist...

The loud, booming noise Harry had heard in his dream was actually coming from outside. The rain that was pouring slightly when he had arrived, had now turned into a thunder storm. Rain splattered the windows hard. The wind shrieked and moaned outside, threatening to pull the trees out by their roots.

Harry rolled over onto his side, he was drenched in sweat and his skin felt warm and feverish. It looked like the flu had taken over. He wondered if he should get up to get some more Pepper Up potion, but he didn't want to disturb Mrs. Weasley.

_If only Severus were here_, Harry thought as he rolled over again in frustration. Severus would had known Harry was awake. He would had known what Harry needed without an explanation and he would had been telling Harry stories or talking to him to get his mind off the fever.

Suddenly Harry heard a loud rapping on the door.

_Severus? Could he be back already?_

Harry stood up, nausea immediately hit him full force and he forced himself to not fall. He made his way slowly towards the window and looked down through the rain-covered window pane.

The figures were blurry. He couldn't see who it was, but there were two people knocking on the Weasley's door. Light streamed on the visitors, illuminating a light-blue wizard's hat and a shorter figure with his head covered with the hood of his cloak. The visitors then entered the Burrow and the door shut quickly, leaving the front porch pitch-black once more. Harry wasted no time. He crept to his bedroom door as fast and quietly as he could. He opened the door an inch to let in the voices.

"Narcissa Malfoy is now…Merlin, who would had thought..."

Harry pressed his ear closer to the crack. That was Mrs. Weasley talking to the visitors.

"If you don't mind taking care of young …."

Harry pressed his ear harder against the door. _Take care of who?_ But the voice was too muffled to hear the rest.

_What are they talking about? What about Narcissa Malfoy? Who do the Weasleys have to take care of now?_

The whispered voices stopped. Harry heard footsteps from above and he guessed that he wasn't the only one eavesdropping.

Harry tried to listen again but he couldn't hear their conversation anymore. The Weasleys must had cast a silencing spell around them, knowing how nosy Harry and their children were. Since there was no point in eavesdropping anymore, and he was feeling dizzier each second he was standing, Harry laid back down on his bed. If the Weasleys were watching over one of the visitors, then he will find out in the morning.

Harry was just drifting off to sleep once more, when his bedroom door opened. Harry kept his eyes shut, not wanting Mrs. Weasley to know he had been up trying to listen in on her conversation with Mr. Weasley and the two visitors.

"You can kip on the cot tonight, dear, just so we don't wake anyone by going up the stairs. It's just Harry who is asleep in here. I gave him some Pepper Up potion, so he shouldn't wake until the late morning. Poor dear, came in just a few hours ago in that storm, just like you. He's already coming down with the flu."

The visitor must had nodded or something, because there was no response. Only movement and the sound of someone sitting down on the cot.

"Now you get some rest, dear, everything will be okay in the morning, I promise." Mrs. Weasley then left the room. The light went out and Harry still kept his eyes closed. He could hear the visitor lay down. It was quiet, except for the occasional sniffing. Harry didn't dare open an eye, afraid to be caught awake in such a private moment. It felt like hours until he heard the soft, heavy breathing of the unknown person in his room. Harry opened his eyes and squinted in the darkness to see who was sleeping on the cot next to his bed.

Even in the darkness, there was no mistaking it, that white, blonde hair and tall, lithe figure. Harry's eyes widened in surprise, before slowly turning around to face the wall.

It was Draco Malfoy….

The visitor, the person seeking refuge tonight, was Draco Malfoy.

* * *

Severus wasted no time in conjuring up stretchers for the injured Lupin and Kaylie.

The girl was pale and cold as death. As for Lupin, the draught had worn off, and yet, he still remained unconscious, more feverish than ever, with his body covered in a cold sweat.

"Just hang on, you two!" he muttered as he ran past the gates of Hogwarts.

It wasn't long until he was entering the doors of Hogwarts, he quickly sent two patronesses to Madame Pomfrey and Albus, alerting them of his presence with the two injured people.

Madame Pomfrey was already at the door of the hospital wing.

"Set Lupin down here and the girl over on the next bed!" she instructed.

"I've called another healer, an old friend of mine that we can trust. I'm going to need all the help I can get right now!"

"I've also called for Albus, I noticed my patronus for him went a different direction instead of to his office. Where is he? I thought he was back from his mission already," Severus asked as he lifted Lupin onto the hospital bed with a levitation spell.

"You just missed him. Narcissa Malfoy just came into Hogwarts with her son, Draco. It seemed as if they turned against You-Know-Who. Bellatrix Lestrange didn't let them off easy." Madame Pomfrey began setting up potions on the tray as Severus started to levitate Kaylie onto the next bed.

If it weren't for the two lives on the line, then Severus would had stopped working in utter shock. The Malfoys turning against the Dark Lord? Their whole family were into the dark arts!

"And where is Draco?" Severus could only say.

"Narcissa is very weak, very sick. Dumbledore and I thought it would be better to send Draco to the Burrow in hiding, since there is no other professor or you, who weren't here to watch him. That's where Dumbledore is now; so let's hope he receives your patronus and will be here right away," Madame Pomfrey said quickly, before casting diagnostic spells on Lupin.

Severus began to do the same for Kaylie. He frowned worriedly as he read her injuries. This girl had massive, internal bleeding and the blood stains on her torn clothes indicated there were wounds on her. Severus turned to inform Madame Pomfrey. Sure, he can heal minor cuts and injuries, but wounds like this…no, Severus specialized in potions. He was no healer.

To Severus' relief, the other healer, Madame Hopkins, had flooded in through Madame Pomfrey's office, along with her team of helpers and immediately began to take over the care of the young girl without question, while Snape and Pomfrey worked on Lupin.

Madame Pomfrey was muttering healing spells on Lupin's burn on his neck; it was closing up slowly. Severus frowned at the slow progress. For it was unusual. He was able to heal Harry's self-inflicted wounds in seconds.

"Why aren't the burns closing?"

"It's the infection," Madame Pomfrey said as she started to administer several potions to Lupin. "One to help fight the infection, one to bring down the fever and another to heal the broken bones."

"The potion I've given him for the infection is not going to work on its own, Severus, I have to do a bit of very complicated spell work to nudge it along, and so while I'm doing that, you have to administer the potion every ten minutes. It's essential you keep at it or it will be all for nothing and Remus will die."

Severus nodded without question as he conjured up a timer, setting it up to ring every ten minutes. He knew of this potion. He knew how complicated, how delicate it was, he was the one who brew it! But right now, was no time for getting mad at Madame Pomfrey for treating him like a mere student. No, not with the life of Remus Lupin on their hands.

Madame Pomfrey worked tirelessly to battle Lupin's raging infection as Severus poured the potion down his throat every ten minutes. Lupin groaned in his sleep, before his breathing suddenly stopped, the beeping on the magically, floating monitor went haywire.

"No! Come on, Remus, stay with me! You've had worse injuries than this before! You can survive this!" Madame Pomfrey shouted. "Severus, I'm in the middle of a complicated healing spell. I cannot stop, I'm already putting Remus in danger. You have to get oxygen in him right now, or he's going to die!"

"There is no spell you can do to get his heart pumping?!"

"Yes, but it's too early for that, only when he is close to death, Severus, you know as well as I do, that magic can only do so much when it comes to healing a human being. Magic can be too strong for his heart and lungs right now. You have to do it the muggle way first."

Severus nodded and without wasting any more precious time, he started to pump Lupin's chest to get him to breathe.

"Come on, Lupin, breathe for us!" Severus shouted.

The moving, green line on the monitor suddenly changed into a flat line. The beeping sound turned into a flat, droning noise that cut the silent air.

It was quiet for a second. Madame Pomfrey and Severus looked at each other.

"Don't stop healing the infection in his blood!" Severus shouted when Madame Pomfrey was about to put down her wand.

"Severus..., I have to check his pulse…, I have to see..."

"No, I'll do it!" Severus shouted.

He shouted because he couldn't stand the idea that he might have to tell his charge, who was waiting at the Weasleys, that Lupin was gone. He grabbed the wolf's thin, pale arm, trying not to think how cold his skin felt. Severus checked for a pulse. There was nothing. He squeezed harder..., because Severus couldn't believe that Lupin was gone. Severus scowled, it was just like the wolf to die right after all the trouble he went through to rescue him!

"Severus...," Madame Pomfrey said weakly.

"No, I feel it," Severus said, his voice hoarse.

He did….

It was barely there... barely beating, but it was there. There was still a small spark of life in him.

"There is a pulse!" Severus shouted, he began pumping Lupin's chest. "He's not dead yet! You bloody wolf! Come back, you have a teenager waiting for you! Harry needs you!" he pumped his chest up and down repeatedly. Without thinking, he open Lupin's mouth, and blew air inside with his own breath.

"Stand aside, Severus!" Madame Pomfrey shouted. Severus looked up to see a Medi-witch who was helping Kaylie, coming over to help them.

"Stand aside!" she shouted and pressed the tip of her wand to Lupin's chest. A light-blue, electric charge zapped out of her wand and into Lupin's chest, as if she struck him with lightning. Severus gaped but didn't question her methods, afraid if he did, then he will end up getting zapped too. Lupin's body reacted to the shock, but nothing else happened, the loud, droning sound of his heart not beating was the only thing that Severus could register in his brain.

The Medi-witch shocked Lupin one more time, but again, nothing. Madame Pomfrey was still focusing on healing the infection in Lupin's blood stream. It was a small comfort to Severus to see that she was still determined to finish her work. It gave Severus hope that Lupin _will_ start breathing again.

After ten minutes, and no change in the wolf, the Medi-witches suddenly both looked at each other.

And he knew, that they were giving up...

_No, I'm not letting them! _Severus scowled in deep annoyance at the world and started pumping Lupin's chest, his stomach clenched in fear.

"Severus," Albus Dumbledore said quietly. "He's gone..."

Severus hadn't even noticed when the headmaster arrived.

"No, he isn't! I'm not telling Harry, that Remus Lupin is dead! No, Albus! That boy has lost too much already!"

* * *

Remus was walking in a very bright room. He had no idea where he was or couldn't remember how he ended up there. The last thing he remembered, was the night before he changed and Kaylie was there, screaming as her wolf took over her body.

_I killed her,_ he realized with horror. _I killed her and now I'm paying the price._

He looked around and sat on a bench.

It looked like he was at King's Cross station. The gleaming tracks were a few feet away from them and he wondered if a train was coming. He wondered if he got on, where would it take him?

_What is this place? Am I dead?_ he wondered. _Is this the afterlife? Purgatory, maybe?_

Suddenly a hand rested on his shoulder. Remus whipped around in shock and his eyes found….

_Sirius…. _

Remus just stared at his former lover with wide eyes.

Sirius, so young and handsome and healthy. Not at all the person he was before he died, the person Azkaban had turned him into.

"Sirius," Remus whispered, heart clenching, stomach full of butterflies, and he lost all feeling in his legs.

"You're here," Remus whispered, tears were now falling down his cheeks. He couldn't help it. If this was purgatory or the afterlife, Remus wanted to stay here, with Sirius.

His heart ached for him, longing to be in his arms and inhale his scent, and kiss those soft, warm lips. Sirius pulled him into a hug.

"I'm right here, baby, don't cry."

Remus hugged Sirius close. He felt so real, as if they were both still living. He didn't want to let go, because what if this _was_ a dream? Then it meant, this moment wasn't real. What if he let go? And Sirius was gone, and he was back in that cellar...

"I'm not letting you go anymore," Remus whispered once he stopped crying. "I'm not losing you again."

"You must, Remus, you have to go back. You have to be there for Harry."

"He has the Weasleys, he doesn't need me. I'm a monster. I've killed children."

Sirius pulled him out of the hug, he kept his hands on both of his wrists. "You're not a monster, don't you ever say that. It was those people that imprisoned you, they are the real monsters."

"But I killed…."

"You didn't deserve to be chained and tortured. It wasn't your fault with what happened to Kaylie."

Remus shook his head in disbelief. "No, Sirius, nothing you say is going to change the fact that I've killed."

Sirius sighed, "Still as stubborn as always I see." He pushed a strand of hair away from Remus' face.

Remus closed his eyes, remembering all the times Sirius did that in the past.

"Just promise me one thing."

Remus opened his eyes and nodded.

"Go back. Go back for my pup, he needs you now more than ever."

"But you're not there... I need you, Sirius. How am I going to take care of Harry when I'm broken?"

"Believe it or not, he is going through the same thing. You both need each other, you just don't know it yet."

Remus frowned. He so much wanted to stay with Sirius. He couldn't face going back, where there was nothing but darkness and pain, but Sirius was right. He couldn't leave Harry who lost so much already.

"You have to keep living, love, you have to be strong," Sirius leaned his forehead against Remus' own. All Remus could see, were those grey-blue eyes. "Where is that strong boy I knew at Hogwarts? That Moony who kept fighting?"

"He is lost, Sirius…."

"Find him again, love," Sirius whispered.

"Okay, fine...you win, Padfoot. I'll do it for you and James," Remus sighed in defeat. His heart was melting at Sirius' words, and at the thought of going on without him.

Sirius grinned and grabbed his face gently with both his hands, and pressed his lips hard against Remus'. Remus felt his whole body melt. Too soon, the kiss was over.

Sirius gathered him into one last embrace, as he whispered, "you'll be alright, Moony. Just remember how strong you are. Find that boy you used to be, for you are going into a world of pain; but I promise you, I'll be with you, love. Every step of the way. So never feel alone, because I'm in your heart, I'm with you, always."

Still in Sirius' arms, Remus opened his eyes and looked around the room they were in.

"Where are we?" he asked. He expected his voice to echo in the unnatural, silent air, but it did not.

"Where do you think we are?" Sirius grinned. "After all, this is your realm, before you decide where to go."

"Go where? To heaven? With you?"

"Yes, Remus, but it is not your time yet."

"Don't worry, I won't go back on my promise..."

"I know you won't, love."

Remus' heart clenched at the term of endearment, he missed Sirius so much. A part of him wanted to just give up and stay here, but his heart knew he had to go. He had to take care of Harry.

"Please just remember you're not alone, Moony," Sirius reminded him. He hesitated for second, before continuing, "and also...don't be afraid to let your heart... love another..."

"Sirius? No…."

"Moony..., I'm serious...," Sirius insisted, hugging him tighter, as if he hated what he was saying, hated that he had to let go. Pain tore at Remus' heart. He wished so much, that Sirius would stop, not finish what he was trying to say...

"Sirius...," Remus whispered, but it was no use, for Sirius kept talking.

"I want you to be happy. So if you do find another, don't be afraid of what I might think. Don't be afraid if you have to let me go. Just know that I will always love you, no matter what, even if you decide to give your heart to someone else."

Remus had no more words to say. He couldn't imagine himself with anyone else. He wasn't ready to let Sirius go, so he held on tighter. He could still hear Sirius' voice fading, his grip around Remus becoming loser, until Sirius was gone...

* * *

The air in the room was silent except for the healers working on Kaylie. Madame Pomfrey and Albus stared numbly at Severus, who was trying his hardest to bring air back into Lupin's body.

Albus laid a gentle hand on Severus. "Come on now, Severus, it's time to let him go."

"No, Albus. He isn't gone yet!"

Severus sent one last puff of air into Lupin's lungs.

_Maybe Albus is right_…, _I'm acting like a fool..._ _Lupin is already gone…, a_ small voice in Severus' mind whispered. _Just let him go…._

Severus stood up and looked at Lupin's pale face. He let out a deep breath, before stepping back to join Albus and Madame Pomfrey. Albus clamped him on the shoulder, his blue, sorrowful gaze still resting on the still body. Madame Pomfrey didn't even move to wipe her tears away. Severus didn't know what to say to make them feel better. He didn't know what to do...

_What am I going to tell Harry?_

Then the most miraculous, unbelievable thing happened...the monitor started to beep. They all looked at the monitor, where it showed a tiny sign of life, one small hope, that Remus Lupin was not lost to them.

"Severus...," Madame Pomfrey whispered faintly in shock.

The monitor beeped again.

"Is that?" Severus couldn't finish his sentence; he lost the will to speak.

Another beep, Albus squeezed Severus' shoulder tighter.

"It's a heartbeat!" Madame Pomfrey shouted as she pressed her wand to Lupin's chest and used the same spell the other Medi-witch had used earlier. An electric shock went through Lupin's body. The monitor started to beep faster. The flat, droning noise that indicated Lupin's death was now gone, replaced by the sound of a steady heartbeat.

"Thank Merlin!" Madame Pomfrey said. "Severus, we have to start the healing process again. That infection is taking its toll on Remus' body!"

Severus grabbed the potion and carefully poured three drops inside Lupin's mouth while Madame Pomfrey began chanting the complicated spell work.

It was now the early morning hours; around seven am. Madame Pomfrey was finally able to close up the burns on Lupin's neck and wrists. She carefully bandaged them up as Severus, for the last time, poured three drops of the potion into Lupin's mouth. He tried to ignore the hushed voices that were going on in the other side of the hospital wing. The young girl didn't make it. Albus was having a conversation with the head Medi-witch.

Severus couldn't hear what they were saying, but it sounded important. He suddenly remembered that wizard, Matt, who said, _Dumbledore will know who she is_.

Wondering if Albus recognized her, Severus whispered to the unconscious Lupin, "you're lucky you made it wolf…."

"How long will it be until he wakes?" Severus asked in a louder voice to Madame Pomfrey.

"It depends solely on Remus. Let's give him a few days. His body needs to heal, he has been through so much in the past week." She covered him with a blanket.

"And the infection? Is it gone?"

"Not completely. The worst of it is gone, however, there are still traces of it lingering in his blood. It's going to take a while before his blood is clean."

"So you have to perform the spell again?"

"Yes, every day," Madame Pomfrey answered as she checked the heart monitor before cleaning up the potions flasks and unused bandages.

Severus frowned. "He's not going to like that."

"I know, but at least he is alive," Madame Pomfrey gave him a funny look, Severus decided to ignore it.

"I will start brewing more potions for you. Just give me a list of what you need, so you won't run short on anything."

"Thank you, Severus. I will have a house-elf send it your office." Madame Pomfrey sounded exhausted as she continued, "he has quite a list of potions to take. I'm going to have to write up a schedule for him also. Once he wakes, Remus is going to have to stay here so I can regulate them and perform the spell for his infection."

Severus snorted, "like I've said earlier, you're going to have trouble keeping him here once he wakes."

"I know he won't like it. It will probably remind him of his past here with his friends, but he has no choice. This is the best place for him to heal."

"Severus, I need to have a word with you. If you can please head up to my office? I will gladly appreciate it."

Severus looked over Madame Pomfrey's shoulder to see Albus making his way back to them. Kaylie's body was covered with a sheet. The healers were cleaning up and pulling dividers around the bed to block the body from view.

Severus wondered how this was going to affect Lupin. He wondered if Lupin knew the girl. He wondered again what Matt meant by Albus knowing who she was. If Albus knew the girl, couldn't he have prevented this? What was the girl doing with Greyback anyway? Why didn't Albus help her?

"Severus?"

Severus blinked and looked at the headmaster. "I'm sorry, sir, I'll be on my way."

"I'll be there as soon as I talk to Madame Pomfrey about Mr. Lupin's care."

Severus, too tired to say anything else, wished nothing more than to just head back to his quarters, where there was a nice, soft, warm bed waiting for him, but no...he had a lot to discuss with Albus Dumbledore. So he tiredly made his way to the office, hoping that whatever the headmaster wanted to discuss with him, won't take too long.

Albus did not keep Severus waiting for too long. The headmaster arrived shortly after Severus settled himself down in the chair, facing the headmaster's desk.

"Explain, Albus, who was that girl?" Severus asked, wasting no time. He was tired and he just wanted to go to bed.

"Yes, I knew of the child, but this is the first time I've met her. We both knew her father, Severus."

"I knew her father?"

"Johnathan Porter. Maybe a year older than you when you were at Hogwarts. He was a Ravenclaw."

Severus took a moment to remember his old classmate. "I remember him. Pretty decent at Potions, I recall. Used to hang around Lupin, unfortunately."

"Yes, that young girl we failed to save tonight, was indeed Kaylie Porter, Jonathan's daughter."

"Albus, how could you not know she was missing? No one knew he had a daughter but you. Didn't you think it strange that she was missing? No, my better question is, how long was she at that camp!"

"When Johnathan Porter died, the child was safely with her mother. I did not know that she was in Greyback's clutches, although, I wondered why she never made it to Hogwarts. I assumed her mother had put her in another school."

"Why didn't you check on them? Greyback must had killed that poor girl's mother! Who knows how long Greyback had that girl! How did she even get those injuries?"

"Severus, this was out of my control."

"Albus, a child just died, a child who we let slip through our protection. She should've had been here at Hogwarts. Her father gave his life for the Order and how do we repay him? By letting Greyback murder his wife, I'm assuming, kidnap his daughter, and now she is dead! Merlin forbid, if I die and something like that happens to Harry! Or even my godson."

"Severus, I won't let that happen. Harry and Draco are going to be okay, no matter what happens."

Severus didn't say anything else. All of his anger and adrenaline was quickly spent. He was just tired.

"I see you have taken a liking to young Harry," Albus said quietly, a small twinkle in his blue eyes as he smiled warmly at Severus. "I trust your camping trip went well? Is he making any progress in opening up to you?"

"He was just starting to talk to me, for the most part..., until the Dark Lord interfered. Albus, he was finally opening up! Finally trusting me, and now I'm afraid I might have to start over with the child!"

"In time, Severus, the boy will heal along with your help."

Severus nodded. "Madame Pomfrey told me you were taking Draco Malfoy to the Burrow, when I arrived with Lupin and the girl." Severus looked at the headmaster. "Narcissa decided to join our side?"

"Yes, that is why I had you meet me here. Tom had set a task for Draco Malfoy, a dangerous task to kill me. Narcissa couldn't bear the thought of her son taking on such a task. She contacted me hours before I rescued her from the clutches of Bellatrix Lestrange. Narcissa was severely injured and is right now recovering in a private room of the hospital wing, if you wish to see her."

"How is Draco doing?" Severus asked.

"He was rather quiet when I took him to the Burrow. He seemed to be doing well, considering the circumstances."

"I doubt it," Severus muttered. "I'm guessing you are going to tell me to be prepared for when the Dark Lord learns of this betrayal?"

"Yes, Severus, if he asks you about Narcissa and Draco, tell him you have not seen them, that they are in a secret location."

"Yes, headmaster."

Severus was quiet for a while, gathering his thoughts of all he just learned when he realized something. "What are you to do with Draco while Narcissa recovers? Surly you can't keep him with the Weasleys?"

"It was an option, but I'm afraid Draco is going to need much more tighter security. I've thought of placing him with you and Harry."

"Headmaster, Draco and Harry together, living in the same quarters for the remainder of the holidays? Are you asking to get the castle blown up? This is not going to go over well and Harry's emotional well-being is in such critical condition."

"Severus, I recall that Draco Malfoy is your godson and I recall Narcissa Malfoy telling me to make sure _you_ take care of her son. Do you think I should disappoint her?"

Severus looked away in anger. "Albus, I care for Draco, but I can't surly care for two teenage boys! Not when one of them is capable of self-destructing himself!"

"Severus, you are surrounded by teenagers for the better part of the year. You will be okay. "

"Fine...," Severus stood up. He was done with this conversation. "When should I bring the boys back?"

"Once Madame Pomfrey doesn't need your help with Lupin, then I think it will be okay to bring back your charges."

* * *

Harry awoke this time to a soft ray of sunshine peeking in through the clouds and the voices of Weasleys enjoying their breakfast. Harry covered himself with his blanket, feeling so congested and achy. He had a strange dream last night, that two visitors had arrived and one of them was Draco Malfoy. Harry laughed at the idea of Draco Malfoy asleep on a cot next to his bed. Harry tried to go back to sleep but he couldn't, thoughts of Severus kept racing through his head.

_Where is he now? When is he coming back? Is he already back? And is he out there with the Weasleys waiting for me to wake up?_ At that thought, Harry opened his eyes and jumped out of bed.

"Ow! What the bloody hell are you doing!" a sleepy voice suddenly shouted.

Harry's feet had landed on something soft and squishy. He jumped off, landing on the floor. Surprised, he realized those visitors weren't a dream at all, no, it was real. Draco Malfoy was in a tangle of blankets, dressed in Ron's old pajamas that were several inches off the ankle. Harry stared at him, not knowing what to say.

"What? Don't you have anything better to do then stand there like an idiot after trampling a bloke as he sleeps?" Malfoy snarled.

"Um…no," Harry said defiantly. "Next time, let me know you're here, so I won't step on you."

"Piss off, Potter!" Malfoy sneered, before turning his back to Harry and covering himself with his blanket. Harry glared at the Slytherin. He so much wanted to ask Malfoy why he was here and not home at Malfoy Manor, but his pride wouldn't let him do it. So he left the room to join the Weasleys for breakfast, hoping that Severus was there waiting for him with his usual morning tea, along with his morning scowl.

All of the Weasleys were already gathered around the table. At first, they didn't notice him enter the room and Harry wondered if Mrs. Weasley told her children about his arrival yet.

"Harry!" Ginny suddenly shouted. All at once every head turned towards him. It was a brief second before Harry suddenly found himself in a fierce hug by Ron.

"Harry!" Ron said, still hugging him tightly. "I've been writing to you for ages, but no reply. What happened? Was it those muggles? Mum, why didn't you tell us Harry was here?"

"I didn't want you lot disturbing him," the Weasley matron replied from her place at the table.

"Don't crowd him, Ron!" Ginny shouted from the table.

Harry sent a grateful look towards Ginny as he began to squirm away from Ron's tight hold.

She smiled at him before returning to her breakfast. Harry was for a second baffled by her behavior, for Ginny was always too shy to talk to him. He guessed after the fiasco at the Ministry, she had finally overcame her bashfulness towards him.

"Oy, Ron! Get a room!" shouted George.

"Yeah, let the poor bloke go!" Fred laughed. "Unless, there is something you're not telling us?" he added with a feigned, serious expression.

"Ow!" Ginny punched his shoulder, causing Harry to laugh.

Ron, red faced, muttered, "Sorry, mate, I was just worried." And not looking at Harry, let him out of his embrace and sat back down.

"Harry, dearie, how are you feeling?" Mrs. Weasley asked as she walked over to put a hand on his forehead. "You're still a bit feverish. After breakfast its straight back to bed for you."

Harry frowned, "Sev...um, Snape hasn't come back yet? Has he sent an owl or anything?"

"No, Harry, I'm sorry, but you are welcomed here as long as you like. Tell you what, I'll send word to Dumbledore and I'll ask him when Severus is expected to pick you up. How does that sound?"

Harry was about to say yes, when he noticed the Weasley children giving him peculiar looks. He realized how strange this must sound to them.

"Um, no…, It's okay Mrs. Weasley," Harry mumbled before taking a seat at the table. She set a plate down for him and started scooping a pile of eggs onto it.

"What was that about?" Ron whispered.

Harry shook his head, "not here."

He avoided the twins and Ginny's eyes as he helped himself to a bit of breakfast. As always, breakfast at the Burrow was loud and full of laughter. Harry and Ron ate as much as they could before going up to Ron's room

"Harry," Mrs. Weasley called after them, "I want you to get some rest, let me know if you need more Pepper Up potion."

"I'll rest on the cot in Ron's room. I'm feeling okay," Harry said as he raced upstairs with Ron. They shut the door as soon as they were inside. Harry laid down on Ron's bed, the nausea he felt last night slightly returning as he observed the bedroom. It hadn't changed at all since the last time he was here.

"Okay, explain," Ron said as he sat beside Harry.

"About why I didn't reply to your letters?"

"And why you were asking about Snape coming to get you…hang on…who slept in your room last night?"

"Ah, so you were eavesdropping last night!" Harry laughed. "I should've known it was you creeping about upstairs."

"You were probably eavesdropping as well! So who was it?" Ron laughed, shoving Harry good-naturedly.

"You won't believe this," Harry said. "Malfoy."

"Malfoy?"

"Yeah, I nearly trampled him this morning, getting out of bed. Cheerful person he is in the morning, that one."

"You and Malfoy slept in the same room last night," Ron said faintly. "And you two didn't try hexing each other?"

"Well..., I was supposed to be asleep when your mum let him in."

"So you _were_ eavesdropping!" Ron laughed. "I wonder why he's here? We know Lucius got chucked in Azkaban this summer, but what happen to his mother?"

"Maybe they joined our side?" Harry said. _Maybe this is why Snape had to go..._

"I don't buy it," Ron said. "Maybe, its because Lucius Malfoy is in Azkaban. And now poor Draco and his mummy are in danger, so they are seeking protection under Dumbledore and the Order until they are back in You-Know-Who's good graces. I don't trust them at all."

"That sounds like the Malfoys alright," Harry said.

"So why didn't you answer my letters? Hermione and I were getting worried."

"I'm sorry, Ron, I was just so busy with the chores the Dursleys gave me this summer, I just forgot to answer them." Harry felt really bad for lying. He didn't want Ron and Hermione to think he was some freak who couldn't handle a bit of punishment. He had written to them but he never sent the letters. He didn't know why, he just couldn't tell them what happened.

Ron looked at Harry for a second, as if he were trying to convince himself that he was in fact telling the truth. "So, why were you asking about Snape?"

Harry shrugged, trying to remain nonchalant. "He picked me up from the Dursleys, I think on Dumbledore's orders. Right after we left Surrey, he said he had to go, that it was an emergency. I was asking about him because I wanted to know why he had to go so suddenly."

"You don't think it has to do with You-Know-Who, does it?" Ron asked.

"It could be… I mean he is a spy for Dumbledore. Maybe this is all linked to the Malfoys or maybe they found Remus."

"So you heard about Remus going missing?"

"Yeah, Snape told me…."

It was quiet for a few moments as Ron and Harry processed the information they just exchanged.

"You don't know if your parents heard anything about Remus' disappearance, have you?"

"Just that he was on a mission when he went missing. And that the Order haven't found any leads yet. They told me the Ministry wasn't doing anything to aid in the search for Remus because he is a werewolf."

"Well that's stupid, I just hope Snape left because they found him," Harry said. He forbade himself to think that the werewolf might be dead.

"But then, wouldn't my dad know something already if they found him?"

"I don't know, Ron."

There was a small knock on the door. "Harry?" It was Ginny, she opened the door carrying a potion. "Mum said to drink this, and that you better be lying down."

"You better do as she says, Harry," Ron laughed, nudging a blushing Harry who took the potion from Ginny.

He instantly drank it and felt the effects of the medicine take care of his flu symptoms.

* * *

Severus didn't sleep too much. He had gone to bed as soon as he was done with helping Madame Pomfrey, and then woken up again by the headmaster.

Severus still remembered vividly what had happened when Albus summoned for him at three in the morning. He had come back only a day after setting off for some unknown mission again. He was pale, shaking, and weak. What surprised Severus most of all, was the condition of his hand.

The headmaster's normal, healthy hand, that he had just before his next mission, had come back with a hand that looked dead… It was completely black and lifeless.

Severus found out what had happened by merely looking at the ring that was on Albus' finger. It was a cursed ring, belonging to the Gaunt family. For some unknown reason, which Severus for the life of him, could not figure out, was why the headmaster had worn it in the first place.

Severus rolled over in bed, not ready to take on the day once more. He was tired, all of his spare time went for caring for Lupin at the hospital wing. As a Potions Master, Pomfrey only trusted him to administer the potion to Lupin, as she performed the most intricate, piece of medical spell work, Severus had ever seen. It was incredible how strong Madame Pomfrey was at times. And he reminded himself to never take her for granted.

Severus tried to go back to sleep, but images still flashed through his mind. And an unsettling feeling sunk into his stomach as he recalled the task that Albus had made him promised to.

Albus was suspicious to the reasons why Narcissa had suddenly changed sides. He believed it was to help Draco get closer to him to complete a task set by the Dark Lord. Severus believed Albus to be right on these suspicions, for he was doubtful on Narcissa also. Severus had also seen her the second day from when he arrived with Lupin and Kaylie. Narcissa had cried, saying that she believed Draco to still be planning on following the Dark Lord's orders and to take care of her son, to keep him safe. Severus was then forced under the unbreakable vow.

Severus had tried using Legilimency on the distraught witch, but her shields were up. The fact that she was protecting her mind from Severus, made him all the more suspicious. He had the feeling she was hiding something. It was that moment that he had agreed to Albus' suspicions.

Severus had no idea how he was going to keep Draco safe. He didn't know if the boy was still on the Dark Lord's side. He guessed he would have to keep a closer eye on him, and for Albus.

Severus thought again about the promise Albus made him keep. He still had no idea how the headmaster can expect such a task from him. He worried how he was even going to pull that off. How Harry would even react...

So many promises that Severus was forced into keeping, so many promises and expectations he could not break, and the only thing that worried him was Harry. If he completed the task for Albus, the boy would never speak to him again. How could Albus be so selfish! How could he be okay with the idea of Harry losing another adult figure, when Severus completed this task? How?

Stress and anxiety filled Severus up until he felt a pounding headache at his temple. He looked at his clock. It was 7:30 am.

Calling it quits on going back to sleep, Severus decided to check on Madame Pomfrey and Lupin before he set out to gather up the camping equipment that was still in the Forest of Dean, before picking up Harry and Draco. He still had no idea how he was going to explain everything to the boy.

After a quick cup of extremely, strong tea, Severus made his way to the infirmary.

Lupin looked just the same as he did for the past few days, pale as death and emancipated. The only thing different, was that his skin wasn't blazing hot anymore with fever.

"Severus, up already?" Madame Pomfrey said, "don't tell me you haven't went to bed yet?" she gave him a disapproving glare.

"I should ask you the same question," Severus replied. The matron looked tired, with dark circles under her eyes.

"I was just with the headmaster, he had finally decided to bury the young girl's body next to her father. We are still unsure what had happened to her mother."

_Because Greyback murdered her! _He didn't want to upset the witch, so Severus only nodded and said, "I wonder if Lupin knew her?"

"For the sake of his mind, I hope he didn't," Madame Pomfrey said. "I know Remus... if he knew this girl personally, he is going to find a way to believe that her death was because of him."

"What's going to become of Lupin once he recovers? Is he going to reside here?"

"I asked the same thing to Albus, he told me Remus can stay here as long as he wants."

Severus nodded, looking down at the unconscious man. He remembered the young boy back at Hogwarts, always studious and quiet, so different from his friends. Severus wondered if Lupin will be the same person once he wakes, for judging by the injuries, it looked as if Lupin had gone through hell and back.

"Do you need any more assistance?"

"Mm... maybe later tonight, after dinner. You need to administer the potion while I heal that infection from those burns."

Severus nodded, "I'm going to pick up my charges, I shall be back by than."

"Be safe, Severus."

Severus looked at the tired matron, "only if you get some rest... you can't do anything more for Lupin. At least have Albus or someone else give Lupin his potions this morning."

"I will, Severus, you've never been one to worry," she laughed. "Potter has turned you into a fussing hen, I see."

Severus glared at her before leaving the infirmary.

* * *

Time flew by agonizing slow for Harry at the Burrow. Harry and Ron spent most of their time playing Quidditch with the other Weasley children in the backyard. When they weren't playing Quidditch, he was helping with the cooking, or helping Ron with his chores. Harry tried his best to keep busy, because when he wasn't, all he could think about was Severus, and the fact, that he might be hurt or dead at the hands of Voldemort, was too much for him to bare.

Bill and Charlie, along with Bill's fiancé, sometimes stopped by during the rest of the summer holidays. Even some of the Order would sometimes pop in for dinner. Tonks was always coming with great stories to tell about the things she did at work. The only people, however, that Harry hadn't seen was Percy of course, and Draco Malfoy.

Since Harry had moved to Ron's room, Malfoy was now always shut up in Percy's room or outside brooding near the lake. warned Harry and her children to leave him alone, that he was just going through a rough time right now. Harry doubted it, he would had bet his firebolt that Malfoy was up to something. It was just unnatural for Malfoy to be this quiet. It was strange that he and his mother had suddenly changed sides of the war, the family who always took pride for being on Voldemort's side, for changing sides stood against everything they believed in.

"What do you think he does all day in his room?" Harry asked Ron. They were sitting in the grass in the orchard, taking a break from their game of Quidditch. They could barely make out the roof of the Burrow between the trees from where they were sitting.

"Who knows, Harry, he could be doing anything."

"Maybe he's here to spy on us... like how Snape is spying for the order," Harry wondered.

"That sounds far-fetched," Ron scoffed.

"What? Come on," Ron said at Harry's look. "Its Malfoy we are talking about. He's too much of a coward to be a spy for You-Know-Who and besides he's only a kid... if You-Know-Who wanted a spy, why would he have a sixteen year old kid do it?"

"It was just a thought," Harry said.

"Do you want to play more Quidditch?" Ron asked.

Harry was just about to reply when he spotted Ginny walking outside, she was talking to someone…. There was no mistaking the platinum blonde hair….

"Is that Ginny talking to Malfoy?" Ron shouted in disbelief.

Harry cringed at Ron's loud voice. Although, he can understand why Ron was upset, what he couldn't understand though, was why he was feeling like there was a monster fighting in his chest. He couldn't understand why he felt angrier than Ron. After all, Ginny could speak to whoever she likes. Maybe because it was Malfoy she was speaking to that was making him feel so upset. Harry sighed as he pushed all of his confusing thoughts away.

Ron began to walk at a brisk pace towards the two teens, his ears flaming red.

Harry followed along shortly behind them, thinking that this confrontation wasn't going to go over well, especially since Ginny and Ron both had their mother's temper.

Unfortunately, as soon as they got there, Malfoy had walked back into the house, Ron took off at a run before Ginny can make her escape.

"Why were you talking to _him_ for?"

Ginny looked taken aback for one second, before she put her hands on her hip and her face screwed up into an angry expression.

"Don't be such a prat, Ron, I can talk to whomever I like!"

"You were talking to Malfoy! Bloody Malfoy! What did he say to you?"

"That is none of your business! We were actually having a decent conversation before he saw you!" Ginny shouted.

"He ran away from us, eh? The prat," Ron mumbled as Ginny stormed off.

Harry suddenly felt bad on Ginny's behalf. He can see that she was only trying to be decent to Malfoy.

"Come on, let's go inside and see if mum's finished with lunch," Ron muttered, his ears flaming red as he wrenched open the door and walked inside.

Harry, wishing he was following another Weasley, turned his gaze away from Ginny's retreating back, before following Ron inside the Burrow.

Mrs. Weasley was still cooking, so Ron and Harry decided to play a game of chess in the living room. The first thing Harry noticed, however, as he entered the living room of the Burrow, was Draco Malfoy lounging on the sofa. At first, the blonde Slytherin didn't notice their entrance.

He was lounging with his arms folded onto his chest, with an expression of misery on his face. He seemed to be contemplating about something, Harry wondered again for the millionth time why Draco was here and not at home at Malfoy Manor.

"You!" Ron shouted from behind Harry. Harry cringed at the red-head's abrasiveness.

"Congrats, Weasley, you now know all the letters of the alphabet. See U starts with ugly, useless, uneducated and..."

"Shut it, Malfoy!" Harry snapped at him for insulting his best mate. Even if his best mate was sort of acting like a prat right now. "What are you doing here, anyway?"

"That's none of your business, Potter, and why are you here?"

"I'm here every summer!"

"Why? Those muggles can't stand having you around?"

"Shut it, Malfoy!" Ron shouted.

"Go jump in the lake, Weasley. No one would even care, except maybe for your dear, old mummy."

"Don't you dare talk about my mum like that! Especially after she's allowed you to stay here! Where is your mum, eh? Can't she take care of you? Or is she off with You-Know-Who?"

Malfoy's wand was suddenly pointed at them. "Shut up, Weasley! You have no idea what you're talking about!"

"Then explain it to us," Harry said.

"Why? It's none of your business, Potter. Stop poking your ugly nose where it doesn't belong!"

Harry glared at Malfoy. He wished he had his wand so he could defend himself and Ron.

"Why are you here, Malfoy? As it is my house, it's my business," Ron angrily asked.

"This isn't what you call a house, so shove off, weasel!"

"Ahh!" Harry clamped his hand to his forehead. Bright, white pain exploded in his forehead, his eyesight grew dark and he reached out a hand to grab something, to keep himself from falling. Harry grabbed nothing but thin air and he was on his knees. Voices. Voices was what he heard. Voices and a high-pitched, crazed laughter coming from Voldemort.

"The plan is set my Lord," a female's voice laughed.

_Bellatrix Lestrange…._

"The plan is in motion, you will have him dead at your feet before you know it."

Pain flashed through Harry again. He yelled out again. Something wet and warm covered his hands. He opened his eyes, finding himself on his knees on the floor. Mrs. Weasley was kneeling down in front of him, trying to pry his hands away from his forehead.

"Harry, dear, look at me now, come on."

Harry tightened his hands firmly to his forehead. He was afraid. He had seen Voldemort with Bellatrix, they were planning someone's death. They were certain that person will be at the hands of Lord Voldemort soon. He had to tell Severus..._where is Severus...?_

"Where's Severus?" he moaned in pain.

"He's not here, Harry, but you have me. Please let me see, so I can fix you up, dear, you're bleeding."

"No, Severus," Harry suddenly couldn't breathe. Everything inside seemed to have tightened up. His lungs, heart, throat, everything...

"I need Severus…Severus...he promised he'll be here. He promised."

"Ron, Draco, please go to your rooms, this is something you shouldn't be seeing."

"But, mum!"

"Ronald, do as I say!"

There was a sound of footsteps. It was quiet for a while. Harry didn't look up. He was too afraid. He was afraid of what he just saw. He was afraid for what Mrs. Weasley was thinking. The way he's acting, she is probably thinking he was a freak. She was probably going to punish him like the Dursleys.

"Harry," she touched his shoulder.

"No!" Harry shouted. "No, I don't want to be punished! I'm sorry! I just….Severus!"

"Harry, you're not going to get punished. What are you talking about? Please, sweetie, it's just me...Mrs. Weasley. Harry, just breathe, you're going to be okay."

Harry couldn't breathe. He had no idea what was going on. This wasn't a vision from his scar, anymore. This was his insides closing up and suffocating him.

"Harry, you have to breathe!"

"Molly?" a voice said in alarm.

"Arthur, contact Albus! Tell him to send Severus right away! Harry isn't breathing! He's turning blue!"

"No need! Severus just came in! He is in the kitchen," he answered. "Severus!"

Footsteps were heard. "Harry! Molly what happened?"

"First he was in in pain and clutching his scar, it's bleeding, Severus, and now I think he started having a panic attack! He can't breathe. He keeps asking for you!"

"Harry!" Gentle hands were on his shoulders, prying his hands away from his face.

_Severus…._

Harry let him take his hands away. The Potions Professor was a blurred outline in front of him. His glasses must had fallen off.

"Harry, you have to breathe. Come on, follow my breathing." The professor put Harry's hand on his chest to guide him. "Come on, child," Severus whispered. "In, out, in, out."

That's what they did for several minutes. Severus had Harry repeat the process until he was able to breathe again. Harry felt better now but his scar was giving him a massive headache. He didn't look at the Weasleys. He was so embarrassed at the way he acted.

"Harry, look at me," Severus said. Harry shook his head, his face warm with embarrassment.

Severus seemed to understand, for he polity asked the Weasleys to give them some privacy. Harry felt something cool touch his forehead. He looked up to see Severus cleaning his forehead with a wet cloth.

"You scratched up your scar pretty badly," he said. Harry didn't say anything, he was too ashamed.

Severus then touched Harry's scar with the tip of his wand and muttered a healing spell.

"Look at me, child."

Harry slowly looked up.

"What did you see?"

Harry glared at the professor. He didn't even know why he wanted him. He didn't know why he begged Mrs. Weasley for Severus to come, when hot, red anger boiled inside him. Severus broke his promise. He left him after promising he would be there if Harry ever needed him.

"You left me!" Harry spat. "You left me without any word to where you were going and when you were coming back!"

"Harry..."

"No, I'm not telling you anything! I don't trust you! Just go!" Harry shouted before running away outside the Burrow.

**A/N:**** So I know I had a couple of readers asking me if this story was going to continue and when will I update. I'm sorry, it's been a month, but this chapter turned out to be longer then I planned. I wanted to post this up weeks ago, but I kept editing it and taking parts out and adding stuff. I still feel like it's not ready, but I've decided that I kept you all waiting long enough. I just hope you guys didn't forget anything, so you might have to review the last chapter. Plus, I haven't started the next chapter yet, I'm still planning it so it should be up soon I promise =)**

**I hope you readers all enjoyed my long chapter and please tell what you guys think!**

**Will Harry ever trust Severus again? Will Harry figure out that he is starting to fancy Ginny? What is Draco up too? And could Dumbledore be right about Narcissa still being on Voldemort's side? And how do you think Moony will react to the news of Kaylie's death, if he ever wakes up?**

**Please review! I love you all! **

**And now for the answering of reviews! :D**

**Xyz:** Yes of course! I might take long to update because sometimes I get really bad writers block or I keep editing the chapter until I feel like it is ready to be read. So don't give up on my fanfic! =)

**Savoren:** I'm so glad to hear that you love my fanfic and you think it's the best, I hope you enjoyed this chapter!

**Guest:** You probably won't know who this response is for because there is another review by a guest reader. You wrote that you loved the story and to update soon. I'm very glad you loved it and I will try to update more I promise

**Guest:** You wrote to me how much you loved the camping trip. I had so much fun writing that scene, I was sad to cut it short though, but I think it was time for Severus to rescue our poor Moony. Hmmm… and that was a good question about Moony and Harry. I'm considering putting him into hiding cus of Harry's occlumency, but it depends how my next chapter turns out. I guess I will have to wait and see.

**SevHarry:** Did you enjoy your holiday? Where did you go?:) And Kaylie was badly wounded from Moony's wolf, she was unconscious and very close to death. Matt told Greyback she died to protect her and heal and help her escape once she was better, but he realized that if Kaylie stayed she was going to die and used Severus's departure as a way to get her out of there. I hope that answers your question

**Chessie517:** Thank you and your review did encourage me to keep writing. I hoped you enjoyed this chapter and keep a lookout for the next!

**Imagination94:** Thank you so much for reviewing! Keep a lookout for the next chapter =)

**Caraline Fisher: **Thank you much for reviewing. I'm so glad I finally had Severus rescue Moony and now he can finally heal

**Cynder2013**: I know! And now Remus can heal and maybe get to help Severus with Harry

**Tgsoccer:** Thanks for the review! I hope you enjoyed this chapter!:)

**EKP:** Remus will be okay now, he survived this chapter and now he has time to heal and spend time with Harry. I hope you enjoyed this chapter and thank you for reviewing

**Girlyninja9: **I'm so sorry for the wait, I hope this extra-long chapter made up for though


	15. Chapter 15 Finding A Balance

**Chapter Fifteen – Finding A Balance**

"Harry!" Severus shouted, but he was wasting his breath, the kitchen door slammed shut.

Severus rubbed his forehead in frustration and sat down on the armchair.

What was he going to do now?

They were making so much progress and now Severus was back to square one with the child.

"Severus? Is Harry alright?" Molly asked as she and Arthur came downstairs.

"I don't know what I'm going to do with him," Severus muttered, as he rubbed at his pounding headache again. He had forgotten that the Weasleys knew of him taking care of Harry.

"Did he say anything to you about our new arrangements?" he asked them, after putting up a silencing spell around the living room.

"No, he was determined to keep it a secret, so we didn't say anything. I don't think he wants his friends to know," Molly answered.

"I told him he was only allowed to inform your son Ronald and Miss Granger."

"Harry will tell them when he is ready," Molly said.

The Weasleys and Severus were quiet for a while.

"Severus, I think you should go find Harry," Molly finally said.

"I'm the last person he wants to see right now," Severus said in exasperation.

"Severus, I have six boys, we've had this exact thing happen countless times. When they are upset for something that Arthur or I've done, we let them blow off steam before talking to them. Believe me, Harry wants to talk to you but he is going to be too stubborn to go to you. That is where you have to be the parent and make things right between you two."

"Parent? Molly, I'm not...," Severus said quickly in shock.

"The way Harry has been asking for you, Severus, has me convinced that he is starting to see you as one," Arthur smiled.

Severus looked at Arthur and then at Molly. Was this some kind of joke they were playing? He just couldn't believe what he was hearing. Sure he wanted to gain Harry's trust and care for him as a mentor, but a parent? Would he even make a good parent?

"Molly, Arthur, thank you for the advice but me as Harry's parent? I don't know the first thing of being a parent."

"And do you think we did when we first had Bill?" Molly smiled fondly at the memory of her first-born son as a baby. "We had no clue of parenting, and I still don't think we fully know what we are doing at times or if we are making the right decisions."

"Severus, four of our sons are in the Order, one of them is estranged and our two youngest are caught right in the middle of it all," Arthur said as he wrapped his arm around his wife, who's eyes suddenly swelled up with tears. "Don't you think we are beside ourselves with worry? Especially when we can't control the outcome of this war and the impact it has on their lives...we have no clue how to raise our children in these dark times. We don't even know if we are making the right choices, but we are getting by. We know you will be okay with Harry. He sees you as a parent now. If you pay attention and look closely, you will see that he needs you now more than ever. He needs _you_ to get him through this. Even though you might have no clue how to parent a teenage son, you will get him through this."

Severus stood, he was deeply touched by Arthur Weasley's words. He was never too close to the Weasleys. He always kept his distance. Their children were the most annoying bunch of offspring he had ever set eyes on, but he had to hand it to them, they managed to keep a roof over their seven kids. They were the only ones Severus would actually take advice from when it came to taking care of children.

"Thank you, both of you... especially when it comes to Harry. Just thank you for being there for him."

"We would do anything for Harry, we see him as our son," Mrs. Weasley smiled, wiping her tears away. Arthur's words had made her quite emotional. Severus couldn't blame her, for it must be hard to have your children growing up in the middle of a war.

"I'll go talk to Harry. After, I'll be taking him and Draco home."

Arthur nodded, "they are good kids, Severus. I know you'll take good care of them."

"Yes, especially Draco, my children and Harry don't seem to like him, but underneath his prickly exterior, is a boy just as lost in this war as well," Molly said.

Severus nodded at their words. Leave it to Molly to see the good in every teenager. If only it were that simple for Severus, who struggled being patient and understanding with the dunderheads he had to teach. "I'll make sure he understands that he isn't alone," he only said.

"Will we be seeing you at the next meeting?" Arthur asked.

"Yes, and it's going to be important... I found Lupin."

"Remus? Oh good gracious! Severus, however did you find him? Is he alright?" Molly asked in surprise.

"It was during one of my missions for Albus," Severus said. "Fenrir Greyback had him. Lupin is going to be okay for the most part. Molly... he was tortured greatly before I was able to get him out of there."

"That's terrible, Severus, I'm glad you found him. It could had been much worse."

"Will you be telling Harry?" Arthur asked.

"Yes, of course, Lupin is the last friend of his father's. Lupin is important to him. Harry has a right to know," Severus answered. "You will learn more about it at the meeting."

The Weasleys both nodded.

"I should get lunch started," Molly said. "You are welcome to stay if you like, Severus, I would like the boys to eat before they go."

"That sounds wonderful, Molly, thank you," Severus said. "I'll go and speak to Harry now."

"I'll let Draco know to get ready," Molly said.

Severus nodded his thanks before setting off to find his upset charge.

* * *

It didn't take too long to find him, after checking the shed, the orchard and around the backyard, Severus found him near the lake.

He can see Harry sitting on the shore, staring out into the still, glassy water that reflected the white, fluffy clouds above.

Severus sat next to him, hoping that the boy won't run off again. He didn't have the energy to be chasing him down, honestly.

"What are you doing here?" Harry muttered angrily.

"You left so quickly, I didn't get to tell you the good news," Severus said, deciding to tell him about Lupin first.

Harry didn't say anything, he just stared out into the lake, his green eyes smothered with anger.

"I left because I was called on an important mission."

Harry looked at him from the corner of his eye. Severus knew he had questions, but he was too angry to ask.

"I found Lupin."

Harry whipped his head around to face him, his mouth hanging open in surprise.

"You found Remus? Is he okay?! What happened to him?!"

"He's okay...he was…," Severus stopped, he wasn't sure if he should tell Harry the full details, but again, he had the right to know. Keeping secrets wasn't the answer to gaining the boy's trust once more.

"The Dark Lord had Fenrir Greyback set up this camp to train werewolves for the war. I found Lupin in the cellar, beaten, tortured and sick. I'm not going to downplay this for you for the sake of protecting you from such things, like your headmaster. I'm not going to coddle you from the darkness of this war, Harry. Lupin was in very bad shape. He almost died. They had chained him like a beast and tortured him, burnt him with silver, and due to this, he had caught an infection. I rushed him to Madame Pomfrey's care as soon as I could, he almost died on us, but we managed to save him. He is still unconscious, so once he wakes he is going to be very weak, his mind might even be different. He might not be the same person you once knew him as."

Harry nodded, shock and horror of what Severus told him shone in his green eyes. "Can I see him?" he asked in a shaky voice.

"That is up to Madame Pomfrey I'm afraid."

Severus thought of the condition Lupin was in, so many things can still go wrong. What if he never woke up? What if the infection was too strong to completely cure it? Lupin could still die…just like the young girl who they failed to save.

"There is something else, is there?" Harry asked quietly. "I can see it on your face."

He looked at the teen...his dark hair a mess, and his green eyes behind his glasses were dark, searching, as he looked at Severus.

He hadn't even realized Harry was looking at him. Could this be what Molly and Arthur meant? When did Harry start reading his expressions? When did he even start looking at him like that? Like, a child would, _to their parent_….

_Please don't look at me like that, like I'm someone you can truly count on as a parent...as someone who could give you affection and security. I don't know if I'm the right person…., _Severus inwardly pleaded.

"There was a young werewolf I rescued as well, a young girl by the name of Kaylie Porter. We failed to save her. She spent her life with Greyback. She was a child from one of our deceased Order members, she died the same night we brought Lupin in."

"It wasn't your fault, Severus," Harry's voice was full of sorrowful meaning. Severus wondered if the boy was thinking of his godfather's recent death.

"If I would had known she was there, if I would had known she was living in those conditions, I would had stopped at nothing to set her free from Greyback's clutches."

"But you didn't know, sir."

"Exactly, she died on my own ignorance," he said, surprised at how bitter his voice sounded.

"Sev..., no one knew…it's everyone else's fault as much as yours, you can't blame yourself."

"Says the person who suffers a hero complex," Severus smirked.

Harry just shrugged.

"Is Dumbledore and the Order going to do anything about the camp, sir?"

"Yes, he is already sending the Aurors. Kingsley and Tonks are taking care of it."

"This isn't the only thing you've come to talk to me about, is it?" Harry asked quietly.

Severus nodded, "I am aware that I had broken a certain promise to you, child, I didn't come to beg for forgiveness, but to make sure you understand that it was not my intention to do so."

"You had no choice, I get it…," Harry scowled. "Just drop it, okay. It was stupid of me to take your promises so seriously. I should know better by now."

"And what is that, Harry?"

"To not trust adults, like you…."

"Enough of that!" Severus was losing his patience, and when the boy wouldn't look at him, he scowled in his most strictest, professor voice. "Look at me, Potter!"

Harry looked at him with an angry glare.

"I'm sorry I sent you away without any explanation or word to when I'll come back. I should had known how it would affect you. I had to leave that night as soon as possible because I was called by the Dark Lord through this."

He rolled up his sleeve to show the dark mark that had been dark and pulsating the night he was summoned. Now it was a faded black, looking innocent as any normal tattoo would.

"When we are summoned through the dark mark, you know Death Eaters have no choice but to obey. He uses pain to call for us."

"So that is why you were in a hurry. You were in pain…wait, you really work for Voldemort?"

"No, Harry, I work for Albus Dumbledore. I'm a spy for our side. No one knows this, only you and Albus. They all think I just go on missions for Albus. They don't know that I'm spying on the Dark Lord."

"Why are you telling me this? Voldemort can just look into my mind and find all of this out."

"That does not matter anymore," Severus said, shaking his head. "Even if I didn't tell you, he can still look into your mind and find out you are staying with me at my quarters. I trust you enough, child, to learn to Occlude. That is why as soon as we get home, I'm going to properly start teaching you."

"I'm completely rubbish at it, sir."

"No, you just don't have the confidence and motivation. Now that you know you have important information to keep from the Dark Lord, I know you will work harder. And I will help you close your mind before bed, as I know that was where you were struggling most last year."

"Why are you doing this?" Harry asked. His anger seemed to have somewhat faded, replaced by resignation. "Why do you care about me…?"

"Harry, I've told you why countless times already," Severus said in exasperation.

Harry shrugged.

"I'm doing this because I care for you." _Maybe this parenting thing won't be so hard_…after all, he was able to calm Harry down. They were finally talking about their issues instead of shouting.

Harry only nodded, "okay..."

"Are we alright now?"

Harry nodded, "yeah, I'm sorry for acting like a prat earlier."

"You had a vision?" Severus asked, concern lacing his words.

"Yeah…," the teen shrugged.

"Care to explain what you saw?"

"It was Voldemort and Bellatrix Lestrange. They were happy, really happy and they were talking about someone's death. They were planning to murder a man!"

Severus frowned_. Could this be about Draco's mission to kill Albus? _

"What could this mean?"

"It could mean a lot, Harry, I'm not entirely sure, but I think it's what Albus has been waiting for."

"So, Dumbledore will know what it might mean?"

"I do not know, but we can both see him today and you can tell him about your vision."

Harry smiled, "thank you."

"For what?" Severus looked at him in confusion.

"For not treating me like a child."

Severus ruffled the teen's hair, "you make it pretty hard sometimes, I could tell you that!" he laughed. "Come, there is a nice lunch by Mrs. Weasley waiting for us, and then we can go home."

"Is Malfoy coming with us?" Harry groaned as they made their way back to the Burrow.

"Yes, he is coming and I expect you to treat him as your guest."

"But I'm a guest too!"

Severus whirled around and stood in front of him. The boy crashed right into his robes.

"What?" Harry asked in confusion.

Severus knelt down and grabbed Harry by the upper arms.

Harry flinched, fear sparked in his green eyes. Severus sighed they are definitely going to have to start over again.

"Don't look at me like that, Harry, you don't have to be afraid of me. I just wanted to make you understand, that you are not a guest. You are home. You'll always have a room in my quarters."

Harry bowed his head, "I'm sorry, sir."

"You have nothing to be sorry for. It's those Dursleys that need to be sorry."

Harry flinched at the name. Severus frowned as he let go of the boy and straightened himself out before walking again to the Burrow.

"So I have to be _nice_ to Malfoy?"

"Yes, I expect the same of him, also."

"You just don't want us arguing."

"No, I just don't want you two blowing up my living quarters," Severus joked, hoping that will lift up Harry's spirits and take the Dursleys out of his mind.

Just as he hoped for, Harry laughed. Severus smiled, for it was the best thing he had heard in days.

* * *

Lunch went by fast for Harry. He sat next to Ron and Ginny, for Malfoy had joined them and sat next to Severus.

Harry tried not to feel jealous as he watched them converse in low whispers.

He couldn't believe that Malfoy was going to stay with them at Severus' house... or Severus and his …maybe? Harry felt that thought was kind of weird… too weird, so he changed it back to thinking of it as Severus' home.

One time, Harry had come home from school with a drawing of Privet Drive with him and the Dursleys. The words _My House_ written above neatly, as a six year could with a blue crayon. Aunt Petunia freaked at the drawing, Harry cried because he really thought she might like it, even making the effort to hang it on the fridge with Dudley's drawings and school work. But no... instead he was punished by Uncle Vernon and yelled at until he understood that he was not a part of their family.

Suddenly Harry wasn't hungry anymore.

"What do you reckon, Harry?"

"Umm... what?"

He looked at Ginny and Ron, who were both looking at him expectantly. He didn't notice Severus eyeing him from the corner of his eye.

"Um, yeah…," Harry shrugged.

Ginny and Ron gave him peculiar looks. "So you think the Holly Head Harpies are going to win the league instead of the Chudley Cannons?" Ron asked in a hurt voice. "Come on, mate, you're supposed to have my back on this."

Ginny looked at Harry. She must had noticed something in his face expression because she glared at her brother and said, "leave him alone, Ron!"

"No, Ginny, don't get mad at him... I ...," Harry honestly had no idea what to say.

"I think it's time we should be departing, Molly, thank you for lunch it was delicious. Come," he said to Harry and Malfoy.

Malfoy immediately got up and picked up his briefcase. Harry rolled his eyes at his arch enemy and went to get his packed rucksack.

Severus clamped his hand on Harry's shoulder. Harry shrugged it off. He tried not to feel guilty, but distrust and discomfort from the memory was coursing through him like fiend fire.

He followed everyone to the living room where Mrs. Weasley was already hugging Malfoy, as Mr. Weasley handed him some floo powder.

"We will see you tomorrow, mate," Ron grinned as he thumped him on the back.

"Tomorrow?"

"Yeah, while you were outside with Snape. Mum told us she was taking us with her and dad to Hogwarts for a meeting with the Order. She wants us to keep you company. Plus Hermione is flooing in tonight so you can see her tomorrow."

"Alright, great! And we can play Quidditch, maybe! I wonder if the meeting is about Remus. Did your mum...?"

"Yup! I can't believe they found him. Maybe Madame Pomfrey will let us visit."

"Yeah we can try and visit him. I'll see you tomorrow, mate," Harry grinned. Ron stepped back to let the others say goodbye as well.

Ginny gave Harry a quick hug, which for some reason brought a blush to his cheeks. "I'll see you tomorrow, Harry. We have to beat Ron and the twins tomorrow. So have your firebolt ready," she said as she handed him his broom he had left in the Weasleys' Kitchen.

"Thanks, Ginny," he could only grin. He had no idea why he was feeling so warm, or why his words sounded so stupid.

Once all the goodbyes were in order, Harry found himself tumbling out into Dumbledore's fireplace onto the sooty carpet.

Coughing as he wiped the soot out of his eyes, he didn't see who helped him up until he put his glasses on and saw bright-blue, twinkling eyes and a broad smile.

"Professor Dumbledore!" was all Harry could say in surprise. He heard a snort of contempt from Malfoy as Severus suddenly flooed in behind Harry.

"Harry, it is so nice to see you again. I hope your stay at the Weasleys went well?"

"Um, yeah, it did," Harry said, feeling embarrassed to be inside the headmaster's office once again. The last time he was here, he had threw a tantrum and broke quite a few of Dumbledore's possessions.

"Albus, can you summon a house-elf to escort Mr. Malfoy to my quarters? We have a few things to discuss."

"I do not need an escort, Professor, I can find your quarters on my own!" Malfoy protested.

Harry tried not to smile at the idea of Malfoy being sent away from what seemed to be an interesting conversation coming up.

"That will do, Draco!" Severus snapped as Dumbledore summoned a house-elf.

"Please escort Draco Malfoy to Severus' quarters. You will show him to Potter's room once inside," Dumbledore said.

That wiped the smile off Harry's face. He was about to say something involving that was his room, and how he didn't want Slytherin slime all over his stuff, when he caught Severus' eye, telling him if he spoke a word of his thoughts, then he'll never see the light of day. Since he so much wanted to play Quidditch with his friends tomorrow and visit Remus in the hospital, he kept his mouth shut. Although, it was pretty difficult.

Once Malfoy was out of the room, Dumbledore walked behind his desk and sat in his armchair. "May I offer you anything to drink?" he asked them as Severus and Harry sat in the chairs in front of the headmaster's desk. They both declined the offer before Severus began to tell him about Harry's vision.

"Harry, tell him exactly what you saw."

"Umm... I can't remember most of it anymore..." Harry said as he tried to think of the vision but all he could remember were the words: _he shall be dead at your feet_, and then the cruel laughter from Bellatrix Lestrange. He described these two things to the professors in the room, looking at Dumbledore as he finished.

"Sir, why am I still having this connection with Voldemort? I thought that after what he tried doing in the Ministry, that he won't try to enter my mind again."

"Ah yes, Voldemort won't try to possess you again, Harry. He has learned his lesson, for your very soul is toxic to him. However, he might not know of this connection. He might not know that you are still seeing into his mind."

"It is harmless for now, but Severus, I still think it wise to teach the boy Occlumency."

"Already on it, Albus."

They both exchanged a look and Harry knew there was something important going on.

"Harry, you may wait outside, please, as I speak to Severus for one moment."

"Professor Dumbledore, if this is about the vision, I need to know what it means. They are planning someone's murder!" Harry said desperately. He didn't want to be sent away like some bothersome child.

"Harry, I'll be out in a moment," Severus said.

Harry glared at him. He knew he couldn't trust him. They were both hiding something from him, as always!

Harry sighed angrily, not caring that Severus might be hurt from the nasty glare Harry gave him and left the office.

* * *

Severus shook his head in disapproval as he watched Harry leave. The door shut closed behind them before he turned to Albus.

"We should just tell him what is going on, Albus, I do not like keeping these secrets from Harry. He has to know what's going on. As it is he who is being affected by this war most of all."

"No, Severus, when the time is right, then you shall tell him everything."

"And when will that be, Albus? How long are you to make him wait?"

Albus looked at him with penetrating, blue eyes. "This might be pleasing for you to hear but I am going to be seeing Harry throughout the year. I'm going to be showing him some information that is crucial for him to know of Tom Riddle."

"And how is this going to help him, Albus? What are you on about?"

"I can't tell you now, Severus, for I have a theory that I'm not sure of yet."

"Okay, well… what do you think of Harry's vision?"

"It is certainly about them plotting to have Draco Malfoy kill me."

"It won't do for Harry to know about this, for he will start looking for trouble. I want you to keep up with his Occlumency before he learns more," Albus said.

Severus scowled. He was sick of secrets. Sick of these theories of Albus Dumbledore, but the only thing that kept him shouting at the old headmaster was that he was usually right, he knew what he was doing and Severus trusted him. So he just had to hope that everything will be revealed to him and Harry soon enough.

* * *

Once their small meeting was over, Severus walked down the stairs, finding Harry who was leaning against the wall next to the stone gargoyle with his arms crossed.

With a flick of his chin, Severus signaled for the boy to follow at his fast stride through the corridors. They were quiet for most of the time. Severus knew Harry was mad and probably frustrated. He couldn't blame him, for the boy was being kept in the dark once more.

Harry's footsteps suddenly stopped. Severus also stopped and turned to see what was wrong. Harry was looking at the door to the hospital wing. He looked up at Severus and asked, "can I see him, sir, please just for a moment?"

Severus was going to say no. Lupin was in such critical condition, and he looked terrible. He wasn't sure if he should let Harry see him like that, but the longing look in those eyes, Severus couldn't help but nod.

"Just for a moment," he said. The boy smiled and stepped back to let Severus open the door. "Just be quiet, we don't want to get kicked out by Madame Pomfrey."

Harry nodded.

They quietly entered the hospital wing. Madame Pomfrey must had heard them, for she came out of her office.

"Severus, I don't think it's a good idea to…," she stopped, for Harry grabbed her hand. "I just want to see that he is okay. That he's really here, just for a minute. I promise I won't disturb him," he whispered shakily.

Madame Pomfrey seemed to want to still say no.

Taking pity on the teen, Severus said, "just for a minute."

"Well, okay...," she said still sounding a bit unsure. She turned around and led them to a bed that was surrounded by the room dividers. She moved them aside to let Harry in. He stepped in quietly, his eyes devouring the sight of his father's only remaining living friend.

He sat down on the chair next to the bed. His hand cautiously touched Lupin's hand as he looked at his face. His eyes then traveled to the bandages. Severus was glad the brand on Lupin's chest was covered, he didn't know how Harry would react to that. And plus that was only Lupin's business to decide if he wanted Harry to see that.

"You have to get better, Remus," Harry whispered, looking at Lupin's face. "Get better, that's what Sirius would want. I know he would, so just don't die, okay. Not yet. I'm still here."

Severus and Madam Pomfrey stepped back a little, giving Harry privacy. Once the minute was up, it hurt Severus to do it as he motioned for Harry to get up. "It's time to go," he whispered.

He expected Harry to argue, but no, the boy gave one last longing look at Lupin's face. Gave his hand one last squeeze before gently laying it back down on the bed. He got up and followed Severus out of the hospital wing. Severus didn't say anything to him on the way back to the dungeons. He can feel the anger and sorrow for Lupin coming off the boy in waves. Before they knew it, they were finally back at his quarters.

Draco was lounging on the sofa, once they entered he stood up and said, "finally, I thought you two might had forgotten I existed!"

Severus sighed, "that's enough cheek from you, Draco!"

A door slammed shut. Severus turned to see Harry had gone to his room, in a particularly bad mood it seemed.

Severus just wanted to scream in his pillow. They had just talked out their issues. What could the kid be upset with now!

"Sir, you don't actually believe that Potter and I are sharing a room, because he can just kip outside on the sofa. I'm perfectly fine with that arrangement," Draco smirked, expecting Severus to agree, expecting him to take his side and throw Harry out of his own room

"No, both of you are sharing a room until further notice!"

Draco scowled, "you're supposed to take my side! It's _Potter_ we are dealing with!"

"I don't have time for this," Severus growled. "This is my house, so you will respect my rules, you will be respectful towards Potter and you will stop your complaining," he said in a low dangerous tone, glaring at the sullen teenager who looked at him with shock.

"Why are you taking Potter's side all of a sudden? You're acting different, strange really… like you care for him."

Severus shook his head, "he is only here on Dumbledore's orders."

Draco nodded sullenly.

Severus turned around, opening the portrait door.

"Where are you going?"

"I have to help Madame Pomfrey with some potions. I'll be back. You can go to the library if you want, but that is it, and Potter isn't allowed out."

"Why?"

"Make sure he doesn't leave," Severus only said, as he left his quarters, ignoring the arrogant Slytherin.

* * *

It was a few hours after dinner. Severus had left the boys to their own devices once more. He knew he had to talk to Harry, the teen seemed to be troubled about something. Severus just needed to get his thoughts together. He was starting to feel like a Quidditch referee between the two teenagers. Walking quietly down the hallway, Severus kept to the shadows, lost in thought. Harry seemed to change moods so quickly. He was perfectly fine after their talk before lunch earlier that day. But once they returned home, his mood changed completely. He knew it was partly from being sent out of Albus' office earlier, but there was more to it. Could it be his depression? He knew the side effect of mood swings. Or could it be because he had to share their quarters with Draco? He knew Harry and Draco never saw eye to eye. He knew this would be a mistake, but would Albus listen? He saw no reason why Draco couldn't reside in the Slytherin dormitories. He did care for the boy, of course Severus did, Draco was his godson, but right now, it was Harry who needed Severus most.

Suddenly a low murmuring disrupted the silence of the corridor. It pulled him out of his thoughts. Where was that whispering coming from? Severus stopped walking, noticing that his feet had led him in front of the hospital wing doors. It must be Madame Pomfrey taking care of Lupin. Wondering if she needed any assistance, Severus quietly pushed open the door. What he was expecting, however, was not what greeted Severus as he walked in the hospital wing. He can see that Madame Pomfrey had turned in for the night. The lights were off, except for one dimmed lantern on the matron's desk, giving off a soft glow to the room. The curtains around Lupin's bed was closed, the door to Narcissa's private room was closed also.

Severus quietly opened Lupin's curtains first. The werewolf was still unconscious. The magical heart monitor still beeping along with his steady heart rate. Severus looked down at the werewolf, frowning worriedly at the color of Lupin's pale skin and dark circles under his closed eyes. Maybe Harry became upset after his visit? Maybe it was the stress of seeing Lupin like this…?

The low whispering started again. Severus stood still, locating the source. It was coming from Narcissa's room, on the other side of the door that hid her. He waited for a few more seconds before he pulled open the door, but the whispering stopped.

Furrowing his eye brows in confusion, he slowly peered inside, the dark eyes of Narcissa Malfoy met his own.

"I heard voices…," Severus said, deciding to not let her know he suspected it was her. "Did you see anyone here?"

"No one, Severus. It must had been the matron fussing over that werewolf as usual."

"Yeah...I suppose so...," Severus said slowly, backing away so he can leave. "Sorry to have disturb you then."

"Severus..., how is my Draco settling in with you?"

"He is settling in well. You have nothing to worry about."

"I can't thank you enough for taking him and agreeing to perform the unbreakable vow to keep him safe for me, Severus. You were always greatly admired by him. He sees you as second father, so please excuse me for asking this… for you're so highly thought of in the Malfoy household... why are you sneaking around the castle at this time of night?"

"I was just taking… a midnight stroll in the corridors. You know your son can be a handful at times," Severus said trying his best to keep the sarcasm out of his voice.

Narcissa laughed. A high, mocking laugh. "Always the brooder, little Severus was always in the shadows at school. I can see why you're an asset to our Dark Lord."

Our Dark Lord? Could she be slipping? Or was this intentionally? Was she trying to figure out his place in this war as well?

"You better watch what comes out of your mouth," he hissed, deciding to not blow his cover.

"If anyone hears you speaking like that..."

"I just don't see how he values you more than the rest of us. Are you even truly loyal to our side?"

_Why is she talking like this?_ Narcissa Malfoy was always so reserved, and kept her feelings and secrets to herself. Unlike her deranged sister who was the complete opposite.

Whatever she was doing, however, Severus was determined to not fall into her trap.

"I gave up everything for the Dark Lord, everything! Doesn't that give you enough proof that I'm on his side?"

He stood up, he couldn't take much more of this. He was leaving.

"Leaving so soon, Severus?"

"I have to check in on your son…," he said, leaving her before she can say anything else. He did not like how that conversation was turning out. She was up to something, but he couldn't figure out what. He just hoped it wasn't connected to Draco's task.

* * *

"Get out of my room, Malfoy!" was the first thing Severus heard as he stepped back into his quarters.

"Make me, Potty! And this bed is mine as well, so you can kip on that ugly cot Severus left for you."

Glancing at the clock on the mantle, Severus saw it was nearing 10:00 pm already.

_Those kids should be in bed already…._

"What is going on in here?" Severus asked, surveying the two teens. Draco was laying casually on Harry's bed. Harry was standing in front of his closet, glaring angrily at Draco.

"Draco I told you earlier that you're on the cot. You are a guest here, you shall very well remember that! And Harry, Draco is a guest. So please share your space with him. This is only going to be temporarily, so get to bed both of you!" he snapped.

Without having to be told twice, the two teenagers went into to their respectful sleeping places, still glaring daggers at each other.

Deciding to ignore the exchanges, Severus closed their door and tiredly made his way to his armchair and sat down. He didn't mean to yell, but what Narcissa had said, and how she was acting, struck him right in the heart. He also meant what he said to her. He truly gave up everything for the Dark Lord, everything, including his best friend. The most important person to him. He regretted the decisions of his young self so very much and he realized with a heavy heart, that Draco was in danger of following that same path.

Perhaps, he wasn't being very fare to his godson. Perhaps he was favoring Harry's needs over his godson's.

_I'm going to have to find a way to take care of them both, I'm going to have to find a balance between them…._

Severus rubbed his tired eyes. Stress was giving him a major headache, but for those two teens in the bedroom, it was all worth it.

**A/N: I just spent literally five hours finishing this chapter and editing it. I know I must had missed a lot of typos but I'm tired and I really want to post this up. I'm actually doing this at a Starbucks since I have no internet at home =(**

**So I'm just going to skip on the review responses and let you know I loved every one of your reviews for chapter 14.**

**Love from your exhausted fanfic author….**


	16. Chapter 16 Tired, Lost, Hurting

**Chapter Sixteen - Tired, Lost, Hurting…**

Harry woke up with a start. Laying in the darkness, controlling his breathing, trying to calm down his pumping heart, he tried to remember what he dreamed of. He knew deep down it wasn't of Sirius falling through the veil this time. This was a different kind of fear he was feeling, one that froze every part of his body. It was a nightmare from the vision he had at the Burrow. The only thing he could remember of the dream, was the laughter. The laughter that was so cold, it sent a chill deep in his heart.

_What did that vision mean? What does Severus and Dumbledore know about it? Why won't they tell me?_

He felt so helpless. He could be helping out in the war but instead he was being sheltered at school. Voldemort's laughter rang again in his ears. He covered himself with the blanket, as fear paralyzed his body.

Harry now remembered his nightmare…he wished he hadn't….

The laughter….

The glowing fireplace giving the room a deathly glow….

The murmur, the excitement, of someone's expectant death….

Screams in the background, unnatural, human screams….

The urge to soothe the torment of emotions came over him. He let himself think about succumbing to his habit, to release the anxiety and fear so he can sleep. He also didn't want to lose it front of Malfoy again. It was a little strange that the blonde Slytherin hadn't mentioned anything about what happened yesterday.

Scratching at his skin with his fingernails, anxiety filled up his chest until he couldn't breathe. He tried to calm himself down so it wouldn't turn into a full blown anxiety attack. Harry scratched at his skin harder, the burning pain began to take over. He closed his eyes, refusing to think that he was betraying all of his promises to Severus and his godfather, but the thought of Severus' frown suddenly fought its way through, and the blue eyes of Sirius made Harry wrench his nails away from his skin. The anxiety was now gone, replaced by guilt.

_I'm such a mess,_ he thought, turning over so he could see the time on his clock. It was four in the morning. Harry could barely make out the shape of Malfoy asleep on the cot near his closet. Not knowing why, Harry quietly climbed out of bed, making sure to not wake the sleeping Slytherin.

What Harry wanted right now was Sirius. He wanted to tell Sirius about the laughter he kept hearing in his ears, how Dumbledore and Severus weren't telling him anything about it, and he wanted to tell Sirius how much of a monster he felt inside for having this connection with Voldemort. But Sirius was gone, and the only person Harry could think of going too now...was Severus.

Standing outside of Severus' door, ready to open it, Harry began to have doubts. Fear of rejection clouded his mind, causing his hand to tremble on the door knob. This wasn't the first time he tried seeking comfort after a nightmare.

The first and last time happened years ago. Harry was very little when he first dreamed of that flashing green light. Crying in fear, he had gone to Aunt Petunia's and Uncle Vernon's room, seeking comfort. He wanted them to tell him it was just a dream, that he will be okay and they will keep him safe. That did not happen, instead, Harry was treated to one of Uncle Vernon's punishments before being kicked out of the room as they laughed at him.

The memory still clear in his mind, Harry's hand fell away from the door knob.

Who was he to go and bother Severus in the middle of the night? Who was he to seek comfort over a silly nightmare? Disgusted at his actions, Harry stepped away from the door, deciding to sit down on the sofa and maybe just read until dawn. He wasn't going back to sleep that was for sure, no matter how tired he was... Harry was not going to hear Voldemort laughing again over his plot to murder. He wasn't going to be a witness to another one of his cruel deeds.

It was seven am when Severus finally came out of his bedroom, showered and dressed in his usual flowing, black robes for the day. Harry put down his worn out copy of Quidditch Through the Ages. Severus stopped with a raised eyebrow. Harry looked down refusing to meet his eyes, guilt of what he did last night was tearing at his conscious.

"What are you doing up so early?" Severus asked, still standing in front of his closed bedroom door.

"I couldn't sleep…," Harry shrugged, trying to sound as casual and nonchalant as possible. It didn't work on Severus, for the professor narrowed his eyes at him.

"You couldn't sleep anymore?" the professor said slowly.

Harry nodded.

"What time did you get up?"

"Not long ago...," Harry shrugged, suppressing a yawn.

"With those dark circles under your eyes, not long ago seems like hours."

Harry shrugged again, wishing Severus would stop badgering him about his sleeping habits. _Why does he even care?_

"Why did you not wake me?"

"I didn't want to bother you, Professor," Harry muttered, rubbing his hand through his untidy, black hair.

"Severus, Harry, there's no need for formalities when we're the only ones in this room."

"Sorry..., Severus," Harry said.

Severus made his way towards Harry, taking a seat in his armchair. Harry could feel those black eyes studying him. Feeling embarrassed and guilty, he started to fidget with his book. Sighing in frustration, Severus leaned over and pulled the book out of his hands, placing it gently on the coffee table.

"Show me your arm," Severus said.

Harry looked at him questionably, trying to feign innocence as best as he could, but his efforts were in vain.

"Do as I say," Severus said in a tone that meant he wasn't playing around.

Harry gave an inward groan of defeat. _Well, he was going to find out sooner or later…._

He rolled up the sleeve of his left arm, wishing that he didn't chance a glance at Severus' face expression once he saw the deep scratches. Harry can already see the disappointed look on the professor's face. Shame washed over him and he flinched when Severus grabbed his arm to expect the damage.

Harry waited for the lecture, but it didn't come. The Potions Master just looked tired as he took his wand out and muttered a basic healing spell, causing the scratches to heal until they were scars, and they too faded away.

"What happened, child?" Severus hissed. The tense silence that had filled the room was becoming thicker. He knew Severus was disappointed in him. He knew he lost the professor's trust, but Harry didn't want to talk to Severus or anyone. He just wanted to forget about it. As a response, he just stubbornly shook his head, wrenching his arm away from Severus' grasp, and crossed his arms to his chest.

Severus noticed this, for he said in a low controlled voice, "It seems like your magic is too strong to keep yourself from scratching yourself. Accidental magic comes from strong emotions. So tell me, Potter, what happened? Because something must be going on in that stubborn head of yours to break the charm again!"

"I don't want to talk about it," Harry said again, now glaring down at his sock covered feet.

Why couldn't Severus just understand that he didn't want to talk...didn't trust him anymore? Again, Severus had broken Harry's trust by keeping secrets with Dumbledore. He was still upset how they shut him out yesterday. After all, the prophecy was about him. Harry was the one who was having these visions. He was the one who would have to fight Voldemort in the end.

Harry didn't even know why he wanted to seek Severus' comfort last night and he was glad he didn't, because now, he wanted Severus to stay as far away from him as possible.

"I don't have all day, Potter! I'm not going to drop this until you talk! Why did you hurt yourself?!" Severus snapped after a few moments of tense silence. Harry was still glaring at anything but the Potions Master sitting in the armchair.

"I don't have anything to say!" Harry snapped back at him, his temper starting to rise. "Nothing happened! And if something did happen, then you would be the last person I'll go to!" Harry suddenly shouted, surprising Severus and even himself for a second. He knew his words hurt Severus, he can see the evidence on the professor's usually emotionless face.

They didn't say anything for a second until Harry couldn't stand the tension any longer. Not caring that he was making Severus angry, not caring that he was acting childish right now, Harry ran to his bedroom, ignoring Severus' calls to come back.

Harry was so angry at Severus, so afraid of the laughter and Voldemort's unknown, murderous plans that he had no idea how to express it. Anger and distrust were the only things that worked as he slammed his door shut behind him.

"What is going on?" Malfoy groaned sleepily, rolling on his stomach and covering his face with his blanket.

"Bloody Snape is being a nosy git, that's what's going on!" Harry shouted.

The door suddenly opened, revealing an angry Severus Snape. Harry stepped back in fear, knowing that he was being disrespectful and was sure to get punished for it. Malfoy's face whitened. He rolled out of bed, dodged his way out of the room, all the while muttering something about making a cup of tea.

"What has gotten into you?" Severus said once Malfoy was gone. He swooped in front of Harry like an overgrown bat. "Repeat to me what you just called me," he said in a low controlled voice.

"I'm sorry for calling you a git," Harry frowned, trying to remember that Severus wasn't uncle Vernon.

_Severus told me he will never punish me like that…._

"Yes, Potter, I very well hope you are because I've had enough with your attitude ever since we left the Burrow! Your constant mood swings are going to be the death of me one day! Now tell me what happened to make yourself lose control!"

Harry glared at his professor. He wanted to shout at him, hit him, and scream until the wretched feelings inside him were gone. For the very thing that he was fighting so hard to keep inside, was the very thing he most wanted to say. It was the emotions inside him, which he had no idea how to express. He was angry at Sirius for leaving him. Angry at Remus who was so close to death. Angry that he had to suffer at the Dursleys for his whole life and the fact that no one cared until now to rescue him. And angry at Dumbledore for keeping Harry in the dark as if he were a little kid. He was sick of not having any control of his life. And what if he did not want to fight anymore? What if he did not want to be the one to get rid of Voldemort? Harry wished for once that he can just be a normal teenager, a teenager who didn't have to deal with pain and death and secrets.

"Well…?" Severus snapped impatiently, taking a step forward.

Harry took a step back, his body trembling in anger mixed with fear.

_He isn't going to punish me….he isn't uncle Vernon…_ Harry repeated to himself again, trying to be brave, but failed as his body began to shake at the thought of being punished.

"I'm not going to hit you, child, I've told you so many times already. Now calm down and talk to me," Severus said in a softer tone of voice.

"I don't know… I'm just...," Harry said, trying his hardest not cower in fear of punishment. He looked up at Severus who was waiting.

"I'm just tired of it all," he whispered. He tore his gaze away from the Potions Professor. Harry couldn't think of anything else to say, for that one sentence summed up all of his thoughts.

Harry sat on the bed, his anger now ebbing away as fast as it had risen. Severus sat down on the desk chair, his black robes pooling around his feet on the wooden floorboards.

"What is Dumbledore not telling me? What secrets are you hiding from me? I'm tired of being kept in the dark, Severus. I'm tired of being treated like some child who is too young to understand... I'm not a kid anymore…if that is the reason… I've never had the chance to even be a kid. I already know that the world is more than just happiness. I know there are shadows and darkness. I know there is pain. So if it's about keeping my innocence, then you and Dumbledore are wasting your time," Harry said thinking of his lost childhood, thanks to the Dursleys.

"Listen to me, Harry," Severus said sternly after contemplating Harry's words.

Harry stubbornly stared at his hands.

"No, you said that I can trust you," he said. "You keep saying to trust you but then you keep me out. You and Dumbledore know something about my vision and you're not telling me. I need to know, Professor. I need to know because I'm going mad, I have to do something, I just can't sit here while people are out there risking their lives fighting him!"

Severus frowned at his words, his face now void of the anger and frustration. He leaned forward with his elbows on his knees. His hands folded together as if he were thinking about Harry's words carefully.

"Listen, Harry, I'm sorry that you were sent away yesterday after I said you can trust me. It isn't because Dumbledore thinks of you as too young to understand. The information that he has, is just too crucial to give away at the moment. So do not put yourself down when he chooses not to reveal his knowledge of your dreams. Dumbledore has many reasons why he hasn't shared anything about them with you and I can assure you that not even I know the full truth behind your visions. The best we can do is just trust him, even if we are tired of being kept in the dark, of being forced to remain ignorant of his plans. You just have to be patient and know that all will be revealed to us when the time is right."

Harry crossed his arms again this time only in frustration, "I wish he can just tell me now. I wish I could somehow find out who Voldemort is going after. That would at least help a lot."

Severus shook his head, "you have done more than enough for us already. You told us everything that we needed to know, so now just let us handle it. I know you don't see yourself as a child anymore. I know you want to be useful in this war and help us, but I advise you to not grow up so fast. Stay a child as long as you can, because that is the most precious thing to keep… your childhood…and your time will come. Your time to stand against the Dark Lord will come soon. One day, you will fight alongside us, but right now you just have to stay safe."

"The kind of childhood I had is something no one would want to keep…," Harry laughed darkly.

Severus only frowned at Harry's dark humor. "Then maybe you can start again," he only said.

Harry just nodded. Guilt for the way he acted earlier was now taking over since he wasn't upset at Severus anymore. "Look, Severus, I'm sorry for the way I acted. It's just hard sometimes…."

"I know, child…," Severus said. "That is why I tell you to come to me. I'll rather have you cause a scene instead of you choosing to cut up your flesh!"

Harry choked up little, because Severus didn't sound angry or upset or annoyed. He sounded sincere, concerned, that Harry might need him for comfort. It was something that he was denied over and over again as a small kid.

"I'm sorry, next time, I promise I'll come to you," Harry said.

"I will hold you to that promise, Harry. I hope you realize that this incident of yours will prolong your probation."

Harry scowled almost Snape like but didn't say anything more. He knew Severus was only doing it to help him.

"Come," Severus said as he got up and opened the bedroom door. "Let's not keep Draco waiting."

"I really don't care if he waits," Harry muttered annoyed at the thought of Malfoy, who was probably eavesdropping on them right now. Harry didn't know if Severus heard him or not, however, or if he was just simply pretending he hadn't, for he didn't say a word as he left the bedroom.

* * *

The rest of the morning went by quickly. Breakfast was spent through glares between Harry and Draco until Severus had enough. He snapped at them to stop, and also explained to them that they were expected to stay out of the way during today's Order meeting. Harry asked if he could play Quidditch with his friends outside. Severus almost didn't allow it, but the pleading look Harry gave him was totally uncalled for and he found himself nodding his permission. Harry had smiled brightly and ran to his bedroom to retrieve his broomstick.

Draco said that he was going to spend the day in the library finishing his homework. He set off right after breakfast, wanting no part in joining Harry and his friends for a game of Quidditch. Severus knew Draco wasn't really going to be doing homework. He knew the boy was going to do research on a way to complete his task for the Dark Lord. Severus was then reminded of his own task to Albus and tried not to dwell on the fact that Harry might hate him and never trust him again after that. Anger for Albus' selfishness coursed through him, he forced the emotion down so he wouldn't give anything away as Harry appeared back into the kitchen with his broom. Severus then immediately began to explain the rules to him….

1\. He was not to go off anywhere alone. Stay at the Quidditch pitch with his friends.

2\. No stupid, life-threatening Quidditch tricks.

3\. Stay out of trouble and no eavesdropping on the Order meeting.

4\. Most importantly, Severus didn't want to see any more signs of self-harming today.

In light of what had happened this morning, he decided that the young Gryffindor deserved a break. He needed to be a child again and the best way to do that, was to just let him have fun with his friends today, allow him his freedom and not keep him cooped up in the castle. Severus was willing to trust Harry for today and decided to do a complete bodily search before the day ended, for any new cuts or if the boy managed to smuggle in anything sharp.

The small room behind the staff table in the great hall was already filling up with Order members. Hestia Jones and Dedalus Diggle were already seated at the table that was placed in the middle of the room. All the heads of houses were also present. Filius Flitwick, Minerva McGonagall and Pomona Sprout were sitting together to what looked like a serious discussion between the three. Severus narrowed his eyes at them, making sure he was keeping to the shadows at the end of the table, so he wouldn't be invited to their little social group.

The Weasleys along with Kingsley Shacklebolt and Alastor Moody were barley arriving with grim face expressions. Nymphadora Tonks seated herself next to Charlie Weasley and her mentor Moody. More Order members soon begun to file in, once everyone were present and seated, Dumbledore began the introduction of the meeting and the news he had for them since the last time they've met. Nothing new, besides the disappearance of Ollivander. Everyone then began to report their progress on the various missions they had.

Dumbledore suddenly looked at Severus with those infuriating, twinkling blue eyes and said, "for those of you who haven't heard by now, I've asked Severus to move Harry to Hogwarts away from his relatives. The reasons are of a private matter, a request from Harry himself."

Severus nodded in approval as Dumbledore informed them that Harry was staying here, leaving out Harry being in his care. If too much people knew about that part, it could easily leak to the Dark Lord.

"We also have Narcissa Malfoy and Draco Malfoy residing here under the knowledge that they have switched sides."

Gasps went around the table.

"Albus, is it wise to have them stay here along with Potter?" Alastor Moody asked, his magical eye swirling around until it pointed its gaze at Severus.

Severus glared at it, knowing what Moody really wanted to say. That he didn't trust Severus, an ex-Death Eater residing in the castle with Potter.

"Narcissa had made a very clear argument on her actions of turning away from Voldemort," Dumbledore said calmly.

The people seated around the table all flinched at the name.

_And they call themselves Order Members…._ Severus rolled his eyes.

"Now that Lucius is in Azkaban, Narcissa and Draco were left under the mercy of Voldemort. She had barely escaped the wrath of Bellatrix Lestrange with her life. For now she will stay in the hospital wing until she recovers, then I will move her to a safe house." Dumbledore went on as if nothing happened.

"It still isn't wise to have those Death Eaters roaming about in the castle, Albus, and you know how Potter is! He is going to end up finding trouble. That boy can't seem to do what he is told regarding his safety. Over and over again I remind him Constant vigilance! But does he ever listen?!"

"Alastor is right, Albus, it will be like handing Potter on a silver platter to Voldemort," Kingsley Shacklebolt said in a calm, worried tone.

Suspicious glances made their way towards Severus as Dumbledore responded to Moody and Kingsley. Severus ignored every one of them. He wasn't here to make friends, and he wasn't here to feel like he belonged, no, he was only here for Harry and for Lily. He was here because of his loyalty and duty to Albus and if they still didn't trust him because of he being a spy, or because of his past, that was not his problem.

"And now, Severus, to conclude our meeting can you tell us about how you found Remus Lupin." Dumbledore said.

Shocked faces went around the room, they looked at him expectantly.

Not used to being in the spotlight like this, Severus cleared his throat and begun speaking….

* * *

Harry was laying down in the middle of the Quidditch field, he could see the Weasleys zooming above him. After spending most of the early afternoon playing Quidditch, Harry had decided to take a break and just lie here. The sky was a bright blue with no clouds at all, the warm breeze brought the scents of grass and earth. It refreshed Harry, blowing through his hair and cooling his face. He could just make out Hermione's cheering from the stands. Although the day was peaceful, Harry's thoughts did not match the warm summer day. He couldn't stop thinking about his vision. He couldn't stop hearing the laughter and the screaming. He had to know what Voldemort was up too. He had to find out about what this vision meant. Severus may had told him to be patient, to stay safe, but he still couldn't stand the idea of people fighting for him. People might even be dying for a boy who was too weak and cowardly to fight his own battles….

"What are you doing lazing about, Harry?" a soft voice of laughter sounded above him, interrupting his morbid thoughts. Harry opened his eyes to see Ginny Weasley on his firebolt, a couple of inches above him, blocking out the sun which highlighted her red hair into golden strands around her. Her brown eyes full of exhilaration from flying all afternoon.

"Come fly with me," she smiled. Harry smiled, instantly forgetting his vision as he looked at Ginny. Butterflies flitted around in his stomach and he didn't know why he felt so light all of a sudden as he pulled himself up onto his broom behind her. He wrapped his arms around her waist to hold on. The scent of flowers and the Burrow surrounded him and it was all he could do to prevent himself from hugging her and burrowing his face into her hair.

"Where are you taking me?" he laughed as Ginny with a mischievous smile, zoomed into the sky past her brothers, who shouted out at them. Harry's firebolt was too fast for their brooms as Ginny zoomed faster towards the lake.

Just as she was going to turn back to join her brothers once more, Harry found himself wishing that she didn't have to stop, that he can just fly forever with her in his arms.

"Please don't stop flying, Ginny," he whispered. "Keep going."

She heard him, turning the broom away from the direction of the Quidditch pitch, flying around the castle grounds. They were now flying over the lake, Harry could see their reflection in the blue water. Harry then leaned over and grabbed the handle of the broom, covering Ginny's hands as he steered the broom towards the shore of the lake so that they landed underneath his, Ron's, and Hermione's favorite beech tree.

Harry sat on the grass, Ginny laid down beside him, the firebolt leaning against the trunk of the tree.

"What do you think they're talking about?" Ginny asked.

Harry didn't need to ask her who she meant. She was talking about the Order.

"Most likely me…," he muttered.

"Harry, I know you've been going through a lot with Sirius and what happened at the Ministry, just know it wasn't your fault…."

Harry looked at her. It was the first time she had dared to mention anything of that night. Ron, the twins, Hermione all seemed to walk on eggshells around him, afraid to mention the death of his godfather as if Harry were to explode, but not Ginny. She was brave enough to acknowledge what had happened, and tell him it wasn't his fault.

"I'm glad you think so," Harry said softly "I wish the others were like you, Ginny. They seem to be afraid of mentioning anything about Sirius around me. I know they don't want to upset me, but they are just making me feel worse, really."

"I understand, just like when I was possessed by You-Know-Who's diary. They acted the same way around me. I hated being treated as if I were fragile, I just wanted them to treat me normally."

_How did she do it? How did she go through something so terrifying and just move on? How was she happy again?_

"I wish I was brave like you, Ginny," he only whispered.

"You are brave, Harry, you're just not giving yourself enough credit." She tossed a twig at him.

The twig landed near his feet, causing Harry to look at her. Their eyes connected and before he knew it, they were holding hands.

_No…_, he thought. He couldn't start this, not with Ginny. Someone who he cared about a lot. Why would she want someone so messed up like him? She deserved better.

He pulled his hand away, not noticing the small frown on Ginny's lips.

"Have you seen Remus yet?" she asked after awhile. "Mum told us how Snape found him."

"Yeah, he's in very bad shape. I don't even think we'll be allowed to visit him. I was only allowed a minute yesterday."

"How could they do that to him?" Ginny asked in frustration. Harry could see tears of anger well up in her brown eyes. "He's a good person, why does he have to go through so much pain?"

Harry looked at her, thinking about her words. Remus _was_ a good person who had gone through nothing but pain. Harry tried to connect that with himself, but he couldn't because he didn't see himself as a good person. He only saw the freak the Dursleys forced himself to believe. A freak who deserved bad things to happen to him.

"Harry! Ginny!" Ron suddenly shouted as he landed on the ground. He held his broom besides him. "Mum wants us back at the castle. I think the meeting finished."

* * *

It wasn't long until they reached the castle where Mrs. Weasley was waiting for them. Some of the Order members who weren't leaving by floo, but by apparition, had begun to file out of the castle.

"Come, children, we are flooing back home through Professor Dumbledore's office. Harry, dear, Professor Snape is waiting for you outside the great hall."

"Mum, can we visit Professor Lupin before we go?" Ron asked hopefully.

"No, I'm afraid not. Severus just told us how he found him. He is in very bad shape now and needs his rest. We can visit Remus when he is fully recovered."

Ron groaned and Ginny looked disappointed. Harry caught her eye and gave her a small smile, hoping that she knew it meant thank you for their brief escape into the air.

She returned his smile and their eyes connected. Bright green eyes connected to chocolate brown and Harry felt himself being swept off his feet. That feeling only lasted a second before their contact broke and before he knew it, Ginny was being led away by her mother, up the moving staircase to get to Dumbledore's office.

Harry waved goodbye to the Weasleys and Hermione, who made him promise to write. Hermione had been so glad and relived to see him that morning and treated him to a brief scolding for not keeping in touch, worrying her and Ron to death. She then demanded why he was staying here at the castle. Harry kept the part of him living in Severus' quarters out. Making it sound like he was staying in his dormitory in Gryffindor tower.

* * *

As Harry walked nearer to the great hall, he suddenly heard voices. He knew he shouldn't eavesdrop but he couldn't help it.

"I cannot thank you enough, Severus, for assisting Madame Pomfrey in caring for Remus."

"It was nothing, headmaster, I was just doing my duty, just like how I've agreed to babysit Potter for you until term starts. Its only duty and nothing else."

Harry didn't like how those words sounded. He could hear the coldness in them. The emptiness, void of any warmth that Harry had grown used too during their brief camping trip.

Harry frowned….

_It was all for duty, nothing else?_

So, all they went through… the camping trip, the bonding, the talks they had, was all for nothing? This whole time, was it all just an act?

_Only for duty…._

Harry didn't realize the footsteps coming closer. He didn't realize, so lost in his thoughts, that Severus and Dumbledore had finished talking and Severus was headed right towards him with Malfoy besides him.

"Potter," Severus said in that fake, caring tone. Harry felt his hands shake as he gave him a murderous glare. He was a fool to think that Severus really cared. He was a fool to believe him, to trust him. It all meant nothing to Severus Snape! The words, "you liar!" came out of his mouth before he could stop them.

Severus stopped in his tracks, his face full of confusion. Malfoy sneered at Harry. After everything that happened, Harry knew it was too good to last. Severus never cared and now that he has Malfoy with him, he was surly going to revert to his old hateful self again.

Harry saw Severus stepping towards him, reaching out a hand to probably touch his shoulder, as if to understand why Harry was suddenly so angry. But Harry would have none of it, he flinched away and shouted, "don't touch me!" He then turned around and ran as if his life depended on it.

Harry had no idea where he was running too, only that he wanted to be far away from Snape and Malfoy as possible. The lump in his throat threatened him with unshed tears. He willed himself not to cry. No, he will spare himself at least that one shred of dignity he had left.

Memories of the time they spent camping, the words they shared, flashed through his mind, leaving a deep, stabbing pain in his heart. Tears blurred his vision, forcing himself to stop running.

The words echoed in his mind…

_It was my duty… babysitting Potter… duty… nothing else, only duty…._

The Dursleys were right. How could Harry ever think otherwise?

How could he let his guard down?

How could he believe the possibility of actually having a caring guardian?

That thought made him realize that he was nothing more than a freak who didn't deserve love. The knowledge of that hit him full force in the heart. Warm tears spilled down his cheek as he sat behind a suit of armor. The darkness hid him completely from any passer byers.

_Fuck! I'm so stupid for letting Severus in! Why can't I learn? Why do I have to be so bloody damn soft!_

"Harry!"

Harry jumped at the sound of his name. He shrank further into the darkness when he saw it was only Severus looking for him.

"Harry, please come out wherever you're hiding!" Severus shouted again before his footsteps faded away as he turned a corner.

Harry didn't hear the worry in the professor's voice or the panic. The only thing he heard was Uncle Vernon calling him a burden, a freak. Aunt Petunia saying he didn't deserve to be loved because he was a nasty little boy. The words were echoing so loud in his head.

Harry buried his face into his knees. He couldn't breathe. His chest began to hurt from the lack of oxygen. Harry's body began to tremble as more memories clouded his vision. Terrible memories that he tried so hard to forget….

Harry tried to think of something else, anything to get rid of the pain.

Something gleaming in the darkness caught his eye, It made the memories fade away for only a moment….

There was something poking out of the suit of armor's metal leg….

A loose, rusted nail...

Harry yanked it out with a bit of strength. He then pressed the cold, rusted, pointed edge to his skin. It felt cool against his skin as if it were already promising to take all of Harry's pain away. And before he knew it, he was pressing down, creating a long stream of blood, before starting another long, crimson line.

Harry had no idea how much time had passed.

He just knew that now he was able to breathe better, the harder he cut, the more the memories faded, the more his body stopped trembling in fear….

He started cutting faster, rougher, deeper, until there was nothing left but marred skin tissue and blood.

He didn't care what he was doing.

He didn't care if he died from the loss of blood.

He just didn't care anymore.

He was done trusting adults….

He was tired…

He was lost…..

He was hurting….

…. and death all of sudden… seemed welcoming….

The nail slipped through his blood-covered fingers.

The world around him began to spin and he closed his eyes, fighting off the nausea, until everything went dark….

**A/N:**** I hope you liked my new chapter! Now that I'm done updating I have to start studying for my math quiz! Wish me luck! D,=**

**So what did you think about that little scene with Ginny and Harry? Will Severus find out why Harry lost control?Will Harry be okay?=(**

**Also, there is a reason why Severus was speaking so coldly of** **Harry to Dumbledore. The reason was pretty obvious but not for Harry... I guess you'll just have to find out in the next chapter. Okay now, I have to study! Bye! =D**

**Oh, wait! I forgot the answering of reviews!**

**Caraline Fisher:** It's going to get more interesting haha

**Samie TW-1D-Merlin-RotG:** I hope Sev finds that balance too haha poor guy is going to go crazy before Hogwarts even starts!

**Guest:** (In response to you being addicted to my story)…. GOOD =)

**Cynder2013:** I have to agree with you on that one… if it happens, let's just say it was all Dumbledore's fault, lol, thanks for reviewing!

**Guest:** (upset about poor Mooney)…. I'm sorry! D'=

**Savoren:** Thank you so much for the compliment! And thanks a lot for reviewing!=)

**Guest:** (who can't wait to see what's going to happen next) Thanks for reading my story and keep reading my updates! =)

**Queen Mandrake:** Draco is known as an attention hog… so yeah… Harry might be feeling a bit jealous, I don't even think Severus has noticed it yet... I guess we have to see what happens next. Thanks for reviewing!

**Hijoshikina Kitsune nokage:** Thank you! I hope you liked this chapter and I hope you read my story all the way until the end! =)

**XSerendipity92X:** Stop leaving me random happy faces! You're not even reading my story! D'=

**Also, Special Thanks to everyone who has reviewed or favorited! If I didn't respond to your review, don't worry I've read it and I loved it! =D**


	17. Chapter 17 Not Alright

**Chapter Seventeen – Not Alright**

"Harry!" Severus shouted as he walked through the corridors. Severus paused in his searching for a moment, looking out the window, lost in thought. Outside he could just see the sun setting over the treetops of the black forest.

_Why is Harry so upset? Why did he call me a liar? _

_There has to be some explanation to this…. _

What worried Severus the most, was the distance that had grown between them ever since he sent the boy off to the Burrow. The arguments, the talk they had that morning, had no impact on Harry. The boy was still unable to trust Severus.

Severus stepped away from the window, frowning in frustration and worry. He had to keep searching, even if it would take all night. There were so many dangerous objects Harry could get a hold of in this castle. He was afraid of what state he might even find the boy in.

"Harry!" he shouted again, deciding to turn back and double check every shadowy corner in every corridor before moving onto the next.

_The boy couldn't have gone too far…._

Panic started to wash over him after five more minutes of fruitless searching. Severus pushed it away, trying to remain calm.

_I'll find him... he will be okay,_ Severus kept telling himself as he rounded the corner. He stopped dead, his mind unable to register what he was seeing….

A crimson pool of blood was coming from the suit or armor a few feet away… a pale, lifeless hand… and something… something was gleaming on the stone floor in the middle of the corridor.

_No...that can't…, no…. _

Severus couldn't move, couldn't think. He just stared at the sight of blood pooling around that pale, lifeless hand… until sense came back to him and he forced his legs to run.

"Harry! Harry, no!" Severus shouted. He landed on the pool of blood, soaking his robes and knees. The child was facing downward on the stone floor. Severus could see where the blood was coming from. It was seeping out through Harry's arm, that was now nothing more than cut up flesh.

He turned Harry over, laying the teen's head onto his lap, cradling him as he inspected the cut up arm.

He tried healing it as best as he could, but there was so much blood, so much blood….

Severus couldn't see or think straight. He just kept thinking that he was supposed to keep Harry safe. He was supposed to help this troubled teen through his depression but he failed. He so utterly failed him. Severus failed to notice that something was wrong and now this was Harry crying out. What made this so utterly worse, was the fact that Severus had absolutely no idea what made Harry so upset to run off and do this. He had no idea what was bothering Harry, because he was so wrapped up in his duty to Albus and the Order to just pause and listen to Harry for one bloody moment.

"I'm so sorry," Severus moaned, "I'm sorry I failed you, son," hugging Harry close to him as he lifted him up. He then began to make a run to the hospital wing. If he hadn't been running to save the unconscious, bleeding teen from death, Severus would had stopped in his tracks. He would had stood in shock, for what he just called James Potter's son, but he just had to keep running. He had to keep running and not think about anything other than getting his child to Madame Pomfrey.

* * *

"Severus, what on earth?" Madame Pomfrey gasped from where she stood. She closed the curtains immediately around a sleeping Narcissa's bed and quickly muttered a silencing charm around it, to prevent her from waking from the noise.

"Put him right down here," she said, indicating a bed right across from Lupin.

Severus laid Harry down. Having forgotten that his own hands were covered in blood, he realized his face was wet and wiped his cheeks before looking down at his bloodied hands in shock.

"He was upset…he ran..., I found him like this! You have to help him!" Severus explained, wiping his hands and face with a cloth before cleaning the last of the blood with a flick of his wand. "I tried healing him, but the gashes were too deep."

Madame Pomfrey instantly began to heal Harry's wound along with ordering Severus to retrieve several blood replenishing potions from her stores.

When he came back, Harry's arm was bandaged up and he was sleeping comfortably in bed. Madame Pomfrey took the potions from Severus and poured it down the boy's throat, massaging his throat to help it go down.

Severus sat down on the chair next to the bed. He put his face in his hands, trying to calm down and get over the shock he was in. He just couldn't believe this was happening.

"Severus, I know Harry was brought here for his safety. That was all I was told. I know there's more to it than that, you have to tell me...," Madame Pomfrey said quietly. "How did this happen? Did he do this to himself?"

Severus nodded, his throat choking up at the thought. He had no idea why his throat was choking up, had no idea why his face was wet again. He had no idea that he was crying, because the idea of this child resorting to cut himself, to go this far to the point where he could die, broke Severus' heart. Yes, he had learn to care for Harry during the camping trip that seemed a lifetime ago, but Severus was afraid it was something more.

Severus had somehow bonded with Harry Potter, James Potter's son, who Severus once wished dead. The person, no, his arch enemy, Severus saw every time he looked at Harry Potter, but now Severus no longer saw James Potter in this unconscious teenager before him. He didn't even see Lily sometimes, Severus saw Harry. The person Harry has grown up to be without the influences of his parents. Severus just realized how much the boy meant to him, how much he wanted Harry to be safe and happy. How much Severus suddenly lov….

"Severus, tell me what happened."

Those soft words immediately broke Severus out of his racing thoughts. He looked slowly up at the matron. They've worked alongside each other for so long, and now he decided it was time to trust this woman.

"Harry… he was entrusted into my care because…," Severus didn't even know where to start. He wasn't even sure how much to reveal. "Albus had me take the child from his relatives because Harry was greatly affected by the death of his godfather. He wasn't handling his grief well, so he started cutting himself. That is why Albus thought it would be safer if I watched over him, but I failed… I wasn't able to protect him," Severus choked out.

He felt so embarrassed and ashamed for allowing the matron to see him so emotional. He felt a soft hand on his shoulder.

"You did not fail him, Severus, you could not have prevented this... and he is alright now."

Severus looked at the sleeping child with the heavily bandaged arm. He sadly shook his head, "he's not alright," he muttered.

* * *

Harry was flying. He was flying through the wind and laughing, flying higher and higher on his firebolt. And then suddenly, he was falling, but he wasn't afraid. Warmth washed over him, and he was now laying on something soft and comfortable, and he swore he could smell the scent of herbs and potions. He didn't know why, but Harry wanted to stay like this forever. Just be warm and comfy with the feeling that nothing could hurt him here. As soon as that thought passed, voices disturbed his peaceful sleep, bringing him back to an unwanted reality.

"That should about do it for this evening, Severus," Madame Pomfrey's gentle tone sounded from somewhere in the hospital wing, Harry was guessing, as he kept his eyes shut. He didn't want the adults in the room to know he was awake. The last thing he remembered before waking up was the searing pain on his arm, blood, dizziness and shadows. He remembered Severus calling for him and the feeling of betrayal in his heart.

_What did I do to myself?_ Harry wondered, feeling for the first time how stiff his left arm felt.

"I wouldn't be surprised if Remus woke up during the night. The poison in his system is completely gone. Now all he has to do is rest and recover."

"Good news, indeed…," the gruff voice of Severus Snape sounded. Although, there was a trace of the usual sarcasm and bitterness in the Potions Professor's voice, Harry can feel his tone soothing him. Harry wished Severus was telling him now that everything was going to be okay, but he was afraid to trust, angry at himself for being stupid to let Severus in.

"Why, Severus, you sound like you don't want Remus to recover," Madame Pomfrey replied.

"No, just worried if he will be strong enough to properly care for the boy."

Harry froze at those words, _Severus never cared for me… that's why I'm here._ _He is already talking about giving me away! _

Harry knew he was originally supposed to be in Remus' care, but as time went on...Harry found himself hoping if he could stay with Severus. He knew they both fought a lot. He knew that he made it difficult sometimes for the Potions Professor, but somewhere along the way, Harry had completely tore down his defenses for Severus. He somehow started seeing him as someone he could look up too, someone almost like a parent, maybe…, and he hoped so very much, that Severus felt the same way, but Harry was wrong to think that…stupid really… to believe that anyone would want him, least of all Severus Snape. And now Harry remembered fully why he was waking up at the hospital wing. The words of betrayal that Severus had said echoed in his head.

"I know your awake, child," a deep voice suddenly said, ripping Harry out of his thoughts. So he forced himself to open his heavy eyes to a blurry world of colors and shapes.

"I'm not going to shout at you," Severus said in that same deep, heavy, strict tone, as he gently placed Harry's glasses on his face. "Just tell me… why?" he said.

Harry looked at the professor. Severus looked tired, black bags were under his eyes, his face paler than usual.

"I don't know why," Harry muttered as he looked at his heavily bandaged arm. "I don't..."

"Do not give me that!" Severus hissed through gritted teeth, glancing at the closed curtains around Narcissa's bed, before putting a silencing charm around them. "No, don't you dare tell me… that you don't know why you decided to mangle your arm!"

Harry gaped at the deep disappointment and hurt in the professor's tone. _Why is he acting angry? He doesn't even care about me!_

Suddenly, rough hands grabbed his chin, forcing him to look at the angry Potions Professor.

Caught off guard, Harry jumped in fear. "Don't touch me!" he shouted, pulling his face away from Severus' grip, scooting far away as possible from him on the bed.

"Don't!" he shouted again, when Severus was going to ask for an explanation to his behavior.

Harry rolled over onto his side. Pulling his face into his pillow and covering himself with his blanket. He felt so guilty for acting like a brat, guilty for acting like a child, guilty for shouting…, but he just couldn't help it. Severus Snape was not one to be trusted anymore. Severus Snape never cared for Harry. It was all just an act, and it was all just for duty. _Who would even care for such a pathetic freak like me anyway?_

"Harry…, please just…," Severus said quietly.

Harry tightened his hold on his blanket, covering his face. He heard Severus back away, his footsteps loud against the stone floor, until the doors slammed shut. Tears began to spill out of Harry's eyes before he can stop them. He can feel his heart breaking, as he refused to think of a guardian he might've had, a home he might've had or maybe… a family….

* * *

Severus' feet carried him all the way back to his quarters. He ignored Draco who was reading on the sofa in the living room. He slammed the door of his room shut behind him, locking them with a powerful spell, before making his way through another door that led him inside to his potions lab. He didn't want to let himself think about what just happened. He didn't want to give in to the anger and hurt that was building up inside so strongly, that it caused his hands to tremble. Severus shouted in pent up frustration, he couldn't bare it anymore. He couldn't stand seeing those betrayed, green eyes in his mind again. He knocked over a pile of rusted cauldrons near the door, the loud clanging filled the room as they toppled to the floor.

Breathing heavily, Severus leaned on the table, with his palms pressed against the cool, black surface. His head bowed down as he tried to think why Harry was so angry with him. Why the boy refused to talk to him, refused to even let Severus near him.

_What happened?_

Suddenly the room glowed green. Severus did not look up, already knowing who've arrived. No one else dared to floo into his private lab, other than Albus Dumbledore.

"He hates me," Severus choked out, not looking up, nor moving from where he stood. "Apparently, I betrayed him… I've gathered that much before he closed up."

"That doesn't mean you have to give up, Severus," the voice of Albus filled the dark, cold potions lab, echoing off the walls, and sounding louder than Albus must've intended.

"I'm not cut out for this!" Severus shouted, whirling around to face the old man, who forced this impossible task on him.

"Why did you make me do this? You knew how much Harry and I hated each other! You knew, that there was no way this could possibly work! I hated James Potter! I hated him and I hated his son for it! How can I be the right person to watch that boy?! I can't do it, Albus!" Severus shouted as loud as he could.

Albus just calmly stood there, not saying a word, as if he were waiting until Severus was done throwing his tantrum. That infuriating, calm look in those blue eyes, behind half-moon glasses, frustrated Severus even more. He wanted to say such hurtful words to the headmaster, to make him feel his own pain, however, he forced himself not too, showing how much he respected Albus.

"Yes, of course I knew of your differences with Harry, but that doesn't make you a less than fit person for the job. There is a reason why I chose you for this, because I knew that you, besides Remus, will be the only one who could truly love Harry for who he is, to treat him as your own son."

"Why me, Albus? Why is it that I can only love him? I've never loved anyone or cared for anyone except his mother."

"Ah, and that is the reason why…for you, Severus, who have loved so much and lost it all. Who had to go through so much pain and grief, and hate her son with an intensity that can only be turned to love in the end. You tell me how much you hate that boy, Severus, I only see you loving him just as much."

All Severus could do was just shake his head in disbelief. He couldn't understand what Albus was telling him. He loving Harry? He, Severus, the official guardian, the foster father… the father of one Harry Potter… her son... Lily's son… his chest was building up from the pressure of shock and stress. His throat started to close up and he felt tears well up from behind his eyes, but he refused to let them go.

"Why are you speaking as if the Ministry has already granted me custody over the boy?! It's not official, Albus, stop talking as if I'm officially his guardian! This was supposed to be temporarily! I am not fit to be a parent! That kid won't even look at me! He hates me and he won't talk to me and, Merlin, he won't tell me why!"

"That is actually why I've come here, Severus. Not only to make sure you were okay after Harry's incident last night, but I've just arrived from the Ministry, on the way back from my last mission. I've filed a report so you can become the official guardian of Harry. I've brought the contract, everything has been approved, and now all you have to do is sign it and have Petunia Dursley give her consent."

Severus gaped in shock. "A guardian transfer for a minor..., but how? How did you let them agree so suddenly and quietly? That's impossible, Albus, and what about Lupin?"

"I must admit, sometimes it is a perk to being me," Albus chuckled. "I have a great influence over the Wizarding Department of Child Protective Services, also the Minister has no say in this. It was crucial to do this without anyone knowing."

"But Lupin, he …he was supposed to be next in line."

"Remus would had been, yes, but unfortunately because he is a werewolf, he would've never been granted official guardianship. Alas, even my influences over the department aren't powerful enough. I need Harry to remain absolutely safe. For once the knowledge of him no longer being in the care of his relatives goes out, Harry can easily fall into the wrong hands. I can't have him without a guardian I fully trust, and risk him going into the care of the Ministry, for if that happens, we can lose him to the foster system or even into Voldemort's hands."

"But what about the Weasleys?" Severus said weakly, still in denial.

"Severus, I trust you to do this. You have to take this chance or you will very much regret it." Albus placed the document on the table. "I'll let you ponder on this for a while, but do not give it too much time, for Harry is waiting for you."

"Albus, he does not want to talk to me." Severus' eyes were trained on the document.

"He will soon enough, Severus, he is just waiting for you to show him how much you truly care for him."

"He knows that already. He knows I care for him." Eyes still on the document, the words **Guardian to Harry James Potter** etched onto the paper in black ink.

"Have you told him? Harry who has only been exposed to neglect and abuse needs to be directly told that you care for him over and over. Assuming that he knows, won't help you."

"I...,"Severus was lost at first before his gaze hardened and he glared at Albus. "Why are you doing this? There are so many eligible, trustworthy witches and wizards who will gladly become the boy's guardian. But you chose me… you chose me, knowing that in the end, it's all going to fall apart. How can you do this to Harry? How can you ask so much from me, to allow me to open my heart to a chance of a family, only to have me kill you when the time is right? You know Harry won't take that well. It's going to destroy him once he learns that the only adult he grows to trust has betrayed him...again apparently, since he won't bloody talk to me!"

"Severus, you promised me that you will complete that task for me, it is the upmost importance that you do not fail. I know that what I'm asking of you is going to be hard, but I assure you, that you and Harry will get through it. In the end, he will know why you had too. In the end, he will see that you did all you could to help him through this war."

Letting out a snort of contempt, Severus said, "as much as I want too, I'm not turning back on my promise to you. I can't anyways, because of that unbreakable vow I did for Narcissa."

Albus nodded, "I talked to Harry before I arrived here."

"What did he say?" Severus frowned at the idea of Harry preferring to talk to the headmaster over him.

"He just asked about his vision. He seemed to want to avoid the subject of you and cutting himself all together."

Severus scowled. "He can't go on acting like this didn't happen. I won't let him!" Another thought suddenly occurred to him. "Wait, Albus, if I sign this document, the Dark Lord surely would find out."

"Everything is done under the strict rules of confidentiality to the minor. The only people who can access the file is you, me or Harry. So Voldemort should not have to find out just yet. We still have time trust me, Severus."

The fireplace suddenly glowed green once more.

"Albus, Severus!" Madame Pomfrey shouted. "It's Remus, he's awake!"

Her face disappeared, the flames turning orange once more. Wasting no time, Severus flooed straight to the hospital wing with Albus right behind him.

* * *

The first thing Severus noticed upon entering the hospital wing from Madame Pomfrey's office was Harry. He was sitting up, his green eyes wide and frighten_. _

_Why is he afraid? Shouldn't he be happy? His bloody wolf is awake!_

A low growl reached Severus' ears, he turned around slowly. Remus Lupin was crouching near the headboard of his bed. His eyes were the first thing Severus noticed. It brought him back to a time when he was sixteen at Hogwarts. The words Sirius Black had spoken, to lure him to the Whomping Willow, to satisfy his curiosity on the mystery of Remus Lupin, was still fresh in his memory. Sharp teeth and grey fur was all Severus remembered along with those eyes, those bright, golden, monstrous eyes, that haunted Severus for weeks after the night of each full moon.

Hatred and fear rushed through him. And he remembered why he loathed Lupin. He hated the very existence of this man as much as he hated those two Gryffindor idiots, Potter and Black. How can he let himself forget how dangerous this man could be?

_I can't put Harry in danger like this…what was I thinking to let Harry being taken care of by a werewolf?_

In fact, Severus was afraid something like this might happen. He hinted it to Madame Pomfrey over and over again. The trauma that Lupin had gone through proved too much for him, and now he was too weak to fight against the beast inside him.

Another growl came from Lupin, louder than the first one.

"Step back, Poppy," Albus said slowly.

Severus didn't dare turn to look at the headmaster, he didn't dare move.

Lupin froze at the sound of Albus' voice, his eyes wide and glaring at everything that moved.

He slowly pulled out his wand, aiming it right at Lupin.

"No, don't hurt him!" a shout from behind Severus made him turn around in surprise. It was Harry, jumping out of his bed and standing between Severus' wand and the growling werewolf.

"Don't hurt him, Snape! He's just scared!"

_Snape? _

Before Severus could answer, however, a loud growl rang throughout the hospital wing again. Narcissa who was hiding in Madame Pomfrey's office screamed. A blur of golden hair and striped pajamas leaped at Harry. Harry stepped back, knocking into Severus and falling to the floor. "Stup…"

"Stupefy!" Albus shouted before Severus could finish his own stunning spell.

Lupin fell to the floor, unconscious in front of Harry, who stared at the werewolf in fear and shock.

"Harry!" Severus shouted, leaning down to eye level with the boy. "Did he scratch you or…," Severus grabbed him by the shoulders, inspecting every part of his body for scratches.

Harry pulled himself away, "no," he said. "I'm fine."

Severus can see the boy shaking. He can see the shock of being attacked by his beloved werewolf in those green eyes.

Albus levitated Lupin to a private room. Madame Pomfrey examined the werewolf for any damages, before unsuccessfully trying to coax a hysterical Narcissa back to bed.

Severus guided a shocked Harry back to his bed.

"You know you can sleep in your room tonight…." Why was his voice sounding like that? Awkward and hoarse…. He tried not to think of Harry calling him Snape, like he used too before they grew to know each other. Harry only shook his head, climbing back into bed and pulling the covers back over himself.

"Lupin wasn't in his right mind," Severus said, trying to assure the boy that the attack wasn't intentional. "He didn't mean to hurt you."

"I know," Harry said stiffly.

"Do you want me to help you with Occlumency tonight?" Severus hated himself for making small talk. Why couldn't he say what he really wanted to say? To demand why Harry was so angry at him. Why he all of a sudden distrusted him.

"No, I'm fine," Harry muttered, turning on his side so his back was toward Severus.

Severus, glancing at Madame Pomfrey's office where Narcissa was still hiding in fear, muttered a charm to make the aristocratic women see only a sleeping Harry.

More minutes passed, Severus still didn't say anything. Harry didn't say anything. He would had thought the boy was sleeping if it weren't for his still breathing and tensed atmosphere.

Once Narcissa was back in bed and given a calming potion that made her sleep, did Harry finally fall asleep as well. Severus could tell by the way his breathing became heavy, and his grip on the blankets slackened.

He gently pulled the round glasses off of Harry's face, placing them on the table. He stayed there several more hours trying to figure out why Harry hated him so deeply. Why Harry mistrusted him. Why Albus seemed to think that Severus was the only person to be a proper guardian to this boy. Severus sat there trying to understand Harry. Trying to understand why he suddenly cared so very much for this sleeping teenager, who caused him so much grief. And it was than at two in the morning, did Severus finally stood up, gave his sleeping charge one last look, as he whispered, "what am I going to do with you, child?" before silently leaving the hospital wing.

* * *

Severus couldn't sleep. The week had passed as stressful and long as he could bare. Lupin was still under the control of the wolf. He slept mostly, but at the times he was awake, he was a feral animal. Madame Pomfrey seemed not to worry too much over this. She said they had to give Lupin time to regain his strength, and at no time at all, he will be himself again. Severus could hardly care less what happens to Lupin. The emotions that had resurfaced when Lupin first woke up took hold of his heart and he found that he was unforgiving. Back when Severus was a student, everyone, the teachers, students all seemed to love Remus Lupin, for what reason, he couldn't see why. Lupin was such a scrawny bookworm who always had some injury or sickness. Severus even doubted that the wolf belonged in Gryffindor, for he never stood up to his friends. Yes, Severus knew how much Lupin disapproved of his friends' antics. He saw it in the way his brow creased or the way he bit his lip as he buried himself into his book. Maybe that was the root to why Severus truly hated the wolf, for he never stood up for Severus against his marauding, idiot friends, Potter and Black.

Severus took a long sip of his strong tea, looking again at the document on the table. It had been a week since Albus gave this to him. A week of Severus trying to figure out what he wanted to do. More than anything, he wished Harry would talk to him. So he could see what the boy might think of this, what Harry wanted... That would make this decision so much easier. Plus, there was also that task that hung over Severus' head. The impending doom that everything was going to fall apart and never be the same again. If Severus signed this, if he took over as Harry's official guardian, caring for the boy, earning back his trust again, and then killing Albus, betraying the boy, ripping everything away from him. He couldn't do it and yet… he must….

Gentle footsteps suddenly sounded behind him, pulling him away from his thoughts. He quickly performed a non-verbal spell on the document to disguise it as an article on the newest potion inventions.

Severus didn't have to ask who it was. Harry who was still giving him the cold shoulder, was back in his living quarters under suicide watch 24/7. This was what made this week so long and stressful, for all they've done was argue and fight. It was worse than when Harry first arrived here. Harry didn't even call him Severus anymore, he was back to being Professor Snape. Well, Severus had to admit, the only good that came out of this nightmare was that now, Draco was fully convinced that Severus still hated Harry, and there was no more to their relationship.

So, it was Draco who shuffled into the kitchen. Draco who sat down looking tired. Severus frowned at the lines of stress etched into the once aristocratic boy's pale face. Draco surprised Severus so much this week by staying out of the way, studying, spending time in the library, visiting his mother, and taking long walks outside the castle grounds. Severus who had once thought that his living quarters were in danger from being blown to bits from Harry's and Draco's constant quarreling, were now actually in danger from Severus' and Harry's never ending fights.

Severus knew it was the task from the Dark Lord that had changed Draco so much. He knew it was the pressure of succeeding or failing. Draco still hadn't said much about his task and Severus wondered if maybe he was ready tonight.

"What are you doing up?" Severus said in his usual low voice.

Draco shrugged his shoulders. "Potter snores loud, I'm surprised you can't hear him from in here," he said in an obnoxious tone, although it didn't have the usual strength.

"I've noticed you two have stopped quarreling," Severus said, raising an eyebrow at the pale teen. "Should I be worried?"

"You and Potter are doing enough arguing for all three of us," he replied.

"Care to explain more?"

Draco shrugged his shoulders "I think we might've came to a truce."

Severus smiled, "really now? How did that happen?"

"I don't know … I saw him when he was in the hospital wing…. I know, Severus, why he was there."

"Did Potter tell you?" Severus frowned. _This isn't good…._

"No, I just put two and two together. I saw the bandages on his wrists. I've noticed how you won't let him out of your sight, and I've had a friend going through that last year, do you remember?"

Severus nodded remembering the problem Zabini had last year due to the pressure of the Dark Lord rising. Fortunately for Severus, Draco had caught the problem early so they were able to deal with it, before Zabini lost control…like Harry had….

"Have some tea, Draco," Severus said, summoning a mug of warm steaming tea.

It was quiet for a moment as they enjoyed their tea and the soothing warmth it brought to them, relieving them of their troubles. Severus could still remember his godson as a small child. The one who used to greet him with so much innocence and joy at the sight of his godfather, but now that child was gone, lost, as he grew up in the middle of the war. And Severus for the first time, longed for a young Draco. He missed the innocence of his godson. Now they were distant. They were not as close as they once were.

"Draco, I know you're keeping something from me. It would help if you could tell me. Maybe I can offer assistance."

The blonde Slytherin shook his head, cradling his tea.

"You cannot help me, even if I did tell you."

"Don't be foolish, Draco, I already know about the task the Dark Lord has set for you," Severus said impatiently. He was tired of waiting, so he decided to just cut to the chase.

Draco looked at him in shock, almost spilling some of his tea. "You know? But how?"

"I am one of the Dark Lord's most trusted servants. The only Death Eater he truly trusts, now why would he not confide in me of his plans? Especially when it involves you?"

"Does he know that Potter is living with you?"

Severus shook his head. "No, although I wish to tell him, but then, that would give me away to Albus Dumbledore, costing my role of spy. No, he shall not know until the time comes. Madame Pomfrey has told your mother that Potter had been shipped off to a secret location once more, since Dumbledore cannot truly trust her. So it is crucial for Potter to stay inside my quarters less she sees him, until your mother is well enough to go to the safe house Dumbledore has ready for her."

So much lies and secrets, all to this damn war. Severus hated that he had to act a spy for the Dark Lord to his godson, he truly hated it….

Draco frowned, deep in thought.

"Enough of that discussion, Draco, what we should be concerned about, however, is how you are going to carry out your task."

Draco was quiet for a moment. For a second there, Severus thought it seemed as if the Slytherin was going to let him help, but then Draco frowned. His face expression quickly turned stony.

"Why do you want to help me? So you can steal all of the glory? I'm the one who needs to do this, not you. I have to do it on my own, I have too… for my parents."

Severus forced himself to not scowl in annoyance. He forced his face expression to remain neutral and cold. "Alright, I see there is no use convincing you at this point…but at least tell me, Draco, tell me if your mother's intentions are true, has she really switched sides?"

Draco drank the last of his tea. "I don't know. She never told me anything about switching sides until we were here. She won't even talk about it."

Severus frowned. "I'm going to make a deal with you, Draco," he said.

His godson nodded, tired, grey eyes looked up at him.

"If this mission goes wrong, if you fail, I will take the fault. I will face the Dark Lord's wrath so that he does not kill you or your family. I will do at least that for you, only if you do one simple thing for me."

Draco thought about his words for a while before nodding once more.

"Everything that goes on here, everything that we talk about, the fact that Potter is under my care and he is at a vulnerable stage right now, I want you to keep it all to yourself. Do not reveal anything to your mother, or your aunt or your friends, no one, not even the Dark Lord himself," Severus ordered, hoping beyond hope that this will work. He was worried how much Draco learned just by living here for a week. He was worried that the boy will let it slip to his mother, who can right away inform the Dark Lord himself, and the consequences would be very bad indeed. "It's crucial that you keep all of this a secret, that you accept my deal, for if not, terrible things would surly happen and lives will be costed. Now do I have your word?"

Not failing to notice how pale his godson's face became at the words _terrible things happening and lives costed,_ Severus could suddenly see what Mrs. Weasley meant. Draco seemed to enjoy being on the dark side of this war when he was younger, naïve to what it really meant, but now… he could see how much the boy changed. How much he was affected by this war. And really, Draco was just a child. A child caught in a war just like Harry was, afraid of the darkness and the power of the Dark Lord, afraid of the idea of people dying. And Severus knew… that in the end, he would have to pay for this bargain he made to Draco. He knew Draco would never be able to pull off murdering Albus Dumbledore. It was with a sinking heart, that Severus was once reminded of his promise to Albus, and he hated himself for what he had to do. He hated himself for being the one destined to shattered Harry's trust in the end.

* * *

Severus entered his cold bedroom, silently muttering a spell to set the fire going in the fireplace. He had sent Draco back to bed once their discussion was over. The conversation hadn't gone well as he hoped, he wanted Draco to confide more about the plans of his task, but he was unsuccessful. At least he had Draco's word to not go and spill the secret of Harry staying in his quarters to the Dark Lord or even his mother.

As he was thinking all of this, Severus was hanging up his freshly laundered robes, left by the house-elves, in his wardrobe, when he suddenly noticed a folded up piece of muggle parchment fall from the last of his robes.

"What?" Severus muttered to himself. He bent down and picked up the parchment and sitting on his bed, he unfolded it.

It was a drawing, a child's drawing. Harry's drawings that he had taken, before leaving Privet Drive on the night he first brought Harry here.

One was of a family. The dad was colored with black hair, just like Harry's. And a mom with green eyes, just like his own. Severus had heard from Hagrid that Harry never knew the names of his parents or how they looked like, until he started Hogwarts. So how could Harry had gotten the eye and hair color of his deceased parents right? Severus couldn't figure out an explanation and figured it was just a coincidence.

Severus noticed the way a little drawn Harry was holding hands between his parents. He noticed the clouds around them and the clouds they stood on. The yellow sun right behind James Potter, and scribbled on the corner was _My Family_ in blue crayon. Severus eyebrows furrowed in deep thought as he analyzed the drawing.

_Could this picture mean that he knew his family was up in heaven or that he wished to be up there with them at the time he drew this?_

Frowning, feeling a bit disturbed, he pulled the second drawing on top of the first. His frown becoming deeper now, eyes focused on the peculiar drawing. It looked as if Harry was no bigger than six when he drew this.

_Why would such a small child draw this? _

It was of a small Harry in the dark, sleeping on a bed under the staircase. The small Harry was dreaming of green light. Monsters looking a lot like his uncle, surrounded him in the shadows. The drawing was rather frightening and it worried Severus to no end. This picture was evidence of what Harry was feeling as an abused and neglected child. Severus rubbed a hand through his hair, bringing it down to rub his face. He couldn't believe what he was seeing. If anyone saw this particular drawing, they would know something was wrong. Didn't anyone noticed the abuse as the child grew up? Didn't anyone at his muggle school see any signs? How could this had happened for so long?

Severus sat in silence, trying to understand these drawings. Trying to figure out what he should do. He then saw the document that he had placed carefully on his desk. He stood up and looked at it for the billionth time that week.

If Severus signed it, then he will be Harry's guardian, his parent… could he do it? Would he be able to make a good parent? Would he be able to help this abused child and give him what he needs?

Severus picked up the document and put it on top of the drawings as he sat back down on his bed, trying to tell himself the reasons why he could not sign the paper. The very important reason being, that he was destined to be Albus' murderer. Plus, that Severus, who had an abusive childhood himself could not be the right person to take care of a child. What if he made a mistake? What if he got too angry one day and lashed out like his father. This abuse can be a cycle sometimes. The abused becoming the abuser, something Severus never understood. And he knew he was like his father sometimes. He was his father when he was at his very worst, angry and mean. He did not want to hurt Harry like that. But Harry... he needs someone. Severus couldn't bear the idea of Harry going to another family, who won't love him, or take care of him, or help him with his depression. That led to another thought. What if Harry went to a new family and they did not take care of his bad habit of cutting himself? That could send Harry over the edge. The stress of living with people he did not know... it could kill him…. No, Harry needed to be with someone who deeply cared for him, someone familiar to him, and knew of his self-harming, and can help him through it. Severus tried to think of anyone who was fit for the job, but honestly... he could not. The Weasleys had enough children to worry about. Lupin will never be granted full guardianship, neither will Hagrid for being a half giant. There had to be someone… but no…. There wasn't anyone. And Severus was starting to see why Albus chose him.

Severus shook his head and stood up, his movements quick, robotic, as if his mind was not thinking at all about the big responsibility he was now putting onto his shoulders. Maybe this will help ease the tension between him and Harry, maybe this will give Harry proof enough that Severus in fact, does care for him. So it was with a heart full of worry, anticipation, and excitement to the chance of a new family… he signed his name on the document with glistening black ink.

* * *

The night was warm and stifling. It had only been three weeks since Severus had come here to pick up Harry. However, no one would ever know if even a day had passed by in this suburban, muggle neighborhood. Everything looked exactly the same. Even the flowers and plants haven't wilted under the hot, summer sun.

Severus knocked on the door of number four Privet Drive. He did not even bother to change into muggle clothes before arriving. He had Disapperated from Hogwarts as soon as he signed the guardianship form, only pausing to summon Dobby to watch his sleeping teenagers, and to alert him if one shall wake.

Severus rang the doorbell this time, assuming he was waking the Dursleys up from sleep. He heard the rustle of footsteps on the other side of the door, before it opened to reveal an angry and sleepy-looking Vernon Dursley, dressed only in his pajamas and robe. His hair on his fat head was mused up and his mustache was sticking up in every direction. He glared at Severus through small, piggy-eyes, eyeing the black, wizarding robes he was wearing.

"Get in quick!" he muttered before looking up and down the street, as if his neighbors would actually be up at this ungodly hour to spy on them. Severus rolled his eyes and entered the house. He couln see the locked door of Harry's cupboard. Glaring at it, he immediately stalked over to it with billowing black robes around him, and slammed open the door, wanting to get a second look of Harry's childhood bedroom. It reminded him why he was here, it gave him the strength to go on.

"Hey, what are you doing, you freak?!" Dursley bellowed. Severus ignored him as he turned on the little light. The dim light glowed unnaturally, showing him the small cot, the thin rags for blankets and clothes, and shelves of cleaning products and junk.

"Hey, I'm talking to you, you worthless piece of..."

Severus whirled around, so that his wand pressed threatening into the muggle's large chest.

"One more word, Dursley, and I swear I'm going to hex you until you're nothing more than the worthless swine that you are," Severus said in a barely controlled voice.

"What is going on?" a voice suddenly came from above them. "Vernon!"

Severus looked up to see Petunia standing on the stairs, looking over the railing at them.

Severus brought his gaze back to the muggle in front of him. He had been waiting for so long to do this. So long, to have the chance to hex this muggle into oblivion for what he done to Harry.

"Give me one reason why I should not do it, Dursley, one word."

Dursley's face turned a nasty shade of purple, only muttering a few unintelligible words. Severus impatiently pushed Dursley roughly up against the wall. "You made that boy's life a living hell!" Severus shouted. "Do you have any idea what you've done to him?!" Severus roared.

"Snape, stop it!"

"No, get away, Petunia, your husband deserves what's coming to him! He hurt her only son!"

"Snape! I do not know much about your world, but I do know enough that you will be sent to that Azkaban prison, if you violently use magic against us. Now, that would not help Harry at all, would it?"

Severus pressed his wand deep into Dursley's chest. He so wanted to hex him but she was right. If he did something to this man, then … that could ruin his chance of becoming Harry's guardian. With severe will-power, Severus put his wand down. Dursley gasped in fear and slid to the floor, shaking and white in the face. Petunia ran to her husband, making sure he was alright before glaring back at him.

"Why are you here, Snape?" she snapped at him. "You've taken Harry, so what are you doing here?"

"I've come to collect your signature, stating your consent that you will allow Harry to leave your care. I want to be his new guardian."

She didn't say anything, she just glared at him before helping her husband to his feet.

"Come, let's go to the kitchen," she said.

She led a shocked Vernon Dursley to the kitchen and sat him down at the round table, before starting to make a cup of tea for him. Severus leaned against the doorway, waiting.

Until Dursley was calmed down with a cup of hot tea in front of him, did Petunia finally turn to Severus for an explanation.

"Well what is this about, Snape?" she snapped, still clearly angry for showing up at the dead of night to attack her husband.

He gave her the parchment stating for a minor transfer with Severus' signature glistening in black ink. He pulled out a quill and a bottle of ink and set them down on the table.

"Harry refuses to return here, leaving him without a proper home to return too during the holidays. It is not safe for Harry to be without a proper legal guardian. He can fall into the wrong hands, if the Ministry shall ever find out. The last thing we need is the boy getting lost in the foster system."

Dursley snorted from his cup of tea, "I should had ruddy tossed that boy into the bloody orphanage!"

Severus gave him a withering glare, trying again to not hex the man.

"I've signed the document stating that I will take over as Harry's guardian until he is of age. All you need to do is sign your consent," he finished, eyes still glaring at Dursley.

"What about the wards on our house?" Petunia asked. "Will we still be safe from that dark wizard if I sign? Will Harry still be protected?"

"Yes, as long as you still offer him a place here, if anything shall happen. A legal document should not interfere, since it is an ancient blood magic."

Petunia nodded, still reading the document. "So if I sign this, then only legally, Harry is no longer ours?" she said.

Severus tore his disgusted glare away from Dursley, locking on to Petunia, rage coursing through his blood at her words.

"No longer yours?" he said slowly. "You have no right saying he was ever yours! You who forced him to call himself a freak, to make him feel like he was not worthy of love or a family! You destroyed his self-esteem!" Severus shouted. "Your husband was not the only abuser here! You hurt him in the worst way possible, Petunia, and Lily will never forgive you for what you've done!"

Petunia glared at him, tears were shining in her beady eyes as she quickly signed the document and threw it at him. "Go, Snape, you've got what you wanted!" she yelled. "You've taken Lily from me and now you've taken Harry, so I hope you're happy!"

Severus growled as he collected the parchment and stalked out of the house, not even bothering to say the angry tirade of comebacks racing through his mind. She was right. He had got what he wanted. Now… there was no point in sticking around. So, it was with a swift of billowing black robes, that Severus Snape finally disapparated with a loud pop back to Hogwarts, back to his now legally… son.

**A/N: So sorry for the long wait, I'm just really swamped with school work and tests right now, but at least I've managed to finish it and get it posted. **

**So what do you think is going to happen next?Will Remus fully recover? Will Harry ever talk to Severus again? Will Severus make a good father to him? Will Harry like this new arrangement? And what is this truce that Draco is speaking of? And what about Narcissa? Is she really up to something?=0**

**Plus, I know I'm evil for that last cliffhanger! Ahahhahahahhahaha! Okay, now time for me to respond to your lovely reviews! =D**

**Review Responses! **

**Insolitasum :** Yes… yes my plan of leaving you guys with a horrible cliffhanger has worked! =D haha, I'm just glad you loved my story. Thanks for reviewing.

**PotterGirl19:** hmm I am planning on writing Remus' reaction, I'm sort of curious myself. Thanks for reviewing =)

**SevHarry:** yes! I know how you feel with the school work =( and yep I'm planning on a true relationship for Harry and Ginny, because well.. Harry deserves happiness, now I won't promise you on the idea of no more emotional rollercoasters haha. Thanks for reviewing!

**Sevharry1**: hmmm… Harry and Draco bonding? I guess we have to wait and see lol. No comment on the idea of Harry listening to Severus! =D

**Sakraprace:** yes correct! Haha and I hoped you enjoyed my chapter. Thanks for reviewing!

**Savoren:** Harry is physically okay =) and yes I got an A!

**Caraline Fisher:** yeah I know.. lol but I hoped this chapter made up for it.

**Okay, so I only responded to a few… cus now I have to get started on my home work =( and to the reviewers I did not respond too, I loved them all and thank you very much for showing your support! =)**


	18. Chapter 18 The Monsters in the Shadows

**Chapter Eighteen – The Monsters in the Shadows**

It was Harry's birthday today. The teen was still in bed, under his covers. The sound of Malfoy's heavy breathing filled the room. It was only 7:00 am. He wondered if there were going to be any plans for today. Severus hadn't once brought up the subject or even asked about Harry's birthday. He didn't know why this was bothering him so much. He never really had a proper birthday before anyways. The Dursleys never paid attention to it. So why would this birthday be any different? It's not like he and Severus were on good terms anyway.

Harry sighed and snuggled deeper into the covers. Even with the dim morning light, he can still see the screaming pink scars on his arm. He refused to use the balm to eliminate the fresh pink scars on his arm. He refused it because he didn't want anything from Severus. He made Harry believe that he was welcomed here, and then only to find out it was all just an act?

There was a soft knock on the door. Harry instantly feigned sleep, hoping the slimy snake would just go away and leave him alone. Summer was halfway over. One more month of being here and then it will all be over. And they would never have to speak about this again.

"Harry, I know you're awake. I have to talk to you about something," Severus said quietly from the doorway. Curiosity peaked Harry instantly. Then he was torn. He was angry still at the professor… but…what did he want to talk to him about? Probably to try and explain himself….

The mattress suddenly sank, signaling that the potions professor had sat down on the bed. The blanket suddenly slipped off of Harry's head.

Harry turned on his back and propped himself onto his elbows, glaring at Severus.

"You've been angry at me, child," Severus said quietly, so he wouldn't wake the sleeping Slytherin in the room.

Harry shrugged as he then sat up, switching his gaze down to his blanket.

_Just go away! _

"Look at me, Harry!"

Harry shook his head, his eyes suddenly burning and he didn't know why.

_Why does this hurt so much?_ _I should be used to this_!

And more than anything, Harry wished Sirius were still here, because then Harry would not had been here in the first place. He wouldn't be living with Severus. He wouldn't be such a mess. He would had been living with his godfather who loved him. But Sirius was gone. Gone, dead, just like his parents. The only people who ever truly loved him, and now there was no one. Remus attacked him and Snape was only pretending. It wasn't fair. It wasn't fair at all.

Tears were now flowing freely down his cheeks and suddenly arms were around him, his face pressed against a chest that smelled like potions and herbs. It comforted Harry but at the same time, he tried to push it away. It wasn't real.

"Shh, Its okay, Harry…."

Harry shook his head. "No, it's not! Nothing is okay. Let go of me!" he shouted.

"Severus?" a sleepy voice mumbled. Harry couldn't see anything due to the fact that he didn't have his glasses on. Plus, his eyes were full of hot treacherous tears that wouldn't stop.

"Draco, can you give us a moment?" Severus asked, his voice vibrating in his chest under Harry's cheek.

The shuffling and a closed door was heard before it was quiet again.

Harry pulled away from Severus violently, having a sudden desire to not be touched. To just cut and cut until the pain was gone. He started scratching his arm, scratching at the violent pink scars against his pale skin. Tears were blinding him now.

_Is this what you wanted, Sirius! To just leave me here alone so I can go crazy! Why couldn't you just stay at Grimauld place? Why did you have to die!_

"Harry, stop!" Severus grabbed his arms, pinning them to his sides. "Tell me, what is going through your head!"

"No, you don't care! You never did! This whole time, the camping trip, the stories you told me…. You were lying!"

"What are you talking about? I've never lied to you about anything! Everything I've told you, the stories about my father, the fact that I do care for you and want you to be okay, it was the truth!" The professor squeezed Harry's arms tighter.

"You're hurting me, Snape!" Harry shouted, trying to get away from Severus' grasp.

"Yeah and your hurting me!" Severus shouted.

Harry glared at him, meeting those black eyes for the first time. The professor looked tired and worried. He was a good actor.

"I will let go, once you tell me why you are upset and angry at me."

Harry shook his head. "Why? You don't even care. It's all just for duty isn't it, Snape?"

Severus looked taken aback. He was silent for a while. Harry can see the gears turning in his mind, then suddenly, he let go of Harry's arms.

"You heard me talking to Dumbledore." It wasn't a question.

Harry shrugged.

"What you heard, wasn't what you thought."

"No, you don't have to explain. I know what I heard. I understood what you meant, and really, I was stupid to think that you were more than the strict potions professor who hated me because of my dad. Maybe you might actually care for me, might actually want me around. I was really stupid to believe that. The Dursleys were right and I didn't listen. That is why I was always being punished by them."

"No, stop that nonsense!" Severus growled.

But Harry kept on shouting. "The only ones who cared about me are dead! Sirius, he died because I'm so disobedient! I had to be stupid and run off to the Ministry! I was stupid to rely on Remus. He has bigger problems right now, without having a messed up teenager like me to take care of! And I was stupid to trust _you_!"

"Stop calling yourself stupid! Stop putting yourself down like that, child, you don't give yourself enough credit!" Severus frowned.

Harry shook his head and brought his knees up to his chest, wrapping his arms around his legs and pressing his face down to his knees. Tears were starting to come down again and he didn't want Severus to see them. He just realized that he wasn't angry at him anymore. It wasn't Severus' fault. It was just Harry misunderstanding… no, he was angry at Sirius. Sirius was the one who really left.

"I'm not mad at you anymore…," he said.

"Then why are you pushing yourself away from me, child? Tell me why, because I'm at my wits end here." Severus said quietly, looking more tired then ever before.

"I thought you might want me." Harry whispered. "I thought that...that this could be home. You said it was. Then I heard you say it was only just for _duty_. This isn't home if you are forced to share it with me."

"Harry, please look at me, so I can make you understand that what you heard, was not true. I was only saying that because Draco was with me. I was acting the role of spy when you heard me say that I only took you in because Dumbledore forced me too."

"You were acting?"

Severus nodded, handing him his glasses. Harry took them and wiped his face before putting them on.

"Yes, I've told you, that what I do is very important. A spy for Dumbledore and acting spy to the Dark Lord. If you ever doubt me like that again, come to me. Don't close yourself off like that again."

Harry shook his head, "I just don't know what to believe anymore."

"Believe that I care for you, Harry, I truly care for you as if you were my own child. And I hope this is proof enough." He brought out a document from the pocket of his robes.

"I signed it and your aunt has signed. Now all I have to do is send it. However, I won't do that yet until you give me your permission. I don't want to force you into this, unless you feel comfortable and happy here."

He gave Harry the document. Harry's eyes on the mysterious document did not notice how nervous Severus suddenly was.

Harry unfolded it, eyes catching the bold words: **Guardian Transfer for minor Harry James Potter...**

Harry kept reading it over and over again, not quite believing what he was seeing.

"I don't understand, sir... I don't, I thought Remus was going to take care of me?" Harry said, looking up at the professor.

"Albus needed someone who can legally be your guardian to spare the risk of you falling into the hands of the Ministry. And Lupin being what he is..."

Harry nodded in understanding, "they wouldn't give him full custody, so Dumbledore made you sign it?"

"No, Harry. He asked me and I signed. I want to be your guardian. Even though we've had arguments, I've come to realize what a great kid you are and I care so much for you. I want to help you through this tough spell you're going through. I want to be a parent to you."

Harry's eyes that were still on the document traveled to the professor's face. Barely believing what he was hearing. Severus wanted to take care of him, as a parent...

"Sir, thank you, I... the Dursleys they've always said freaks weren't allowed families, they were wrong were they?"

"On so many levels. Tell you what, Harry, everything that they've taught you about what freaks deserve and don't, empty it from your mind."

Harry tried to smile as best as he can. He felt so happy right now at the chance that he was gaining a family, a small one but a family. And yet, he couldn't be fully happy, because of what he just realized.

"I'm angry at Sirius, Severus. I thought I was mad at you this whole time. But I realized that it was Sirius who I'm angry at. He promised he will take care of me. He said we were going to live together. But he died, he left!"

"He didn't mean to hurt you, child. Even though I detested your godfather, I know he loved you. You were like a son to him, and that was what made him leave Grimauld place, because the thought of you in danger, could not keep Sirius in hiding. He did it for you." Severus said gently.

"I just keep thinking that if he would had stayed or maybe if I would had known that he was safe…." Harry whispered.

"There is no use thinking about the what-ifs. It has happened and we can't change our mistakes. When your mother died, I blamed myself. I kept thinking what if I've listened to her. Maybe I should had realized that our friendship was way more important then the dark arts or even fitting in with the Slytherins back at school. There are so many things we wish we can go back and change but we cannot. We must learn to live with our mistakes. We learn, we move on and we live. I don't want you to be angry at Black, Harry. I want you to cherish the time you've spent with him."

Harry nodded wiping away again his traitorous tears. The anger now slowly going away but it will take time until he can fully forgive Sirius.

"You can send this to the Ministry, Severus. I wouldn't mind being your …family..."

Severus' stern frown turned into a smile. "That is one way to put it," he said. He took out his wand. With a small flick, the parchment rolled up and sealed itself.

"I'll make sure this document gets to the department," Severus said.

Harry couldn't hold back any longer. He wrapped his arms around Severus, his face pressed against his chest. The comforting smell of herbs and potions wafted into his nose. And he felt like everything was going to be okay...

_Is this how family is supposed to feel like? Knowing that someone is there to always take care of you? To love you no matter what?_

A hand patted his back until Harry was engulfed into a hug from Severus as well. Once they let go, they were both red-faced and a little awkward at showing so much affection towards one another.

"Happy birthday, Harry," Severus said, ruffling his hair before standing up.

Harry grinned shyly. "There's no need for that. I mean… it's only a birthday."

"Your birthday, and how old are you now? Thirty?"

"Sixteen, for your information!"

"Sorry, I was mistaken. I think I see a white hair."

"What?" Harry shouted, jumping out of bed, jumping over Draco's cot and opened his closet door to look through the small hanging mirror. "I don't see anything!"

Snape chuckled, "get dressed old man, I made you birthday pancakes."

"Yes!" Harry shouted

* * *

"Professor, I don't want a big thing today." Harry said as they ate breakfast. Severus had just informed him and Malfoy that they were invited to the Burrow for a birthday tea that Mrs. Weasley had planned for Harry.

"Molly went through a lot of trouble planning this for you. The best you can do is at least show up," the professor replied from behind his daily prophet.

Harry pushed the leftover pancakes around his plate.

"Why are you complaining? It's a birthday party for you." the professor said, turning a page of his newspaper.

"Yeah, but my birthday isn't special really."

Severus folded his newspaper before standing up to pour himself some more tea.

"You may not think it's important, Harry, but to the Weasleys it is. You are coming with us to the Burrow, you're going to enjoy yourself with your friends, you're going to except the attention and coddling from Molly and you're going to eat her food!"

Harry rolled his eyes at a sniggering Malfoy and took a bite of his pancakes.

It was strange to say that he and Malfoy were somewhat okay with each other. They weren't exactly friends. They had just come to a certain point where they were no longer enemies.

It had happened a day after Harry had woken up in the hospital wing from cutting himself…

_He was reading his Quidditch Through the Age's book, trying not think how much he hurt Severus, trying not to feel guilty. He kept convincing himself over and over that he had a right to be angry._

"_Hey, Potter," a voice whispered._

_Harry looked up to see Draco Malfoy standing at the foot of his bed. He put his book down._

"_Just finished visiting your mummy?" Harry asked, deciding to be rude only because he was hurting so much inside._

_Malfoy rolled his eyes, "Shut it, Potter... I... forget it. This was stupid." He put his hands in his pockets and turned to walk away. Suddenly, Harry found himself not wanting Malfoy to leave. He wanted to find out what he was going to say. Maybe a conversation would distract him from the pain._

"_Wait, Malfoy. Don't go, look, I'm sorry, it's just being stuck here... I'm going mad."_

"_Huh, I wouldn't know the difference." Malfoy retorted._

_Harry rolled his eyes '"Just get on with it, Malfoy."_

_Harry waited for an explanation but nothing came. The Slytherin was quiet, red- faced, hands still in his pockets. Harry looked at him and noticed his eyes were focused on something. He followed the direction and realized his pajama sleeve was up, showing the bandages on his arm. Harry immediately pulled his sleeve down, his face flushing in embarrassment._

"_I just wanted to let you know that um... I know I'm git sometimes, I…well..."_

"_Are you trying to apologize?"_

_Draco shrugged and rubbed the back of his neck._

"_Yeah and well... I know how you ended up here."_

_Harry looked at him in surprise, trying to keep a poker face but failed. He tried not to rub his bandaged wrist._

"_No you don't, Malfoy."_

"_I'm not stupid, Potter. Those bandages on your arm, I know what's under them. I had a friend last year. He had the same problem."_

"_Oh, well… I'm fine if that's what you're wondering." Harry muttered. The air was getting very awkward. Now Harry was starting to wish they can go back to insulting each other._

"_Why do you cut yourself?" Malfoy asked._

"_It's not like I want too!" Harry scowled._

"_I know you can't help it, Potter. It's a tough habit to break. Why did you start doing that to yourself?"_

_Harry glared at him, "why do you want to know? It's none your business."_

_Malfoy glared at him with grey eyes. "Fine, don't tell me. Let's just not fight anymore, we don't have to be friends. Not that I'm saying we are. .. I just... let's just call it a…."_

"_A truce?" Harry finished._

_Malfoy nodded his skin tinged with pink._

"_Okay...," Harry said. He held out his hand. Malfoy looked at his hand, eyebrows raised._

"_You're offering me your hand after you denied it five years ago?"_

"_Yeah well, you were being a git that time… and right now you're apologizing for being one, so yeah, I'm offering to shake your hand, symbolizing our truce. Even though it doesn't signify that we are friends."_

_Draco rolled his eyes, "you really can be a git sometimes, Potter. I can see why Severus is annoyed at you right now."_

_Harry shrugged, "are you going to shake my hand or not?"_

_Malfoy scowled and shook Harry's hand. It lasted only for a second before they pulled away more awkward than ever. _

_Malfoy nodded his head towards Harry as he put his hands back in his pockets. "Just take care of yourself, Potter. I still need to beat you at Quidditch before we finish our 7__th__ year, okay?"_

"_Yeah, okay…," Harry said as Malfoy turned and left the hospital wing, leaving Harry to just stare at him in confusion. _

_What just happened? _

_Harry didn't know and he just turned back to his book, deciding not to ponder about it and lose himself in thoughts of Quidditch and a certain red-headed witch._

"Harry, are you listening?" Severus' voice cut through the air, bringing him back to the present.

"Um, yeah?"

Severus scowled at him. "What did I just say?"

"That I better eat Mrs. Weasley's food and have fun or else?" Harry shrugged. It was the last thing he remembered Severus saying before his mind drifted off.

"Don't get smart with me! I was telling you that I want your room cleaned up before we go today and I want to take a look at your arm. Have you been applying that balm I gave you?"

"Uh…Yes…," Harry muttered guilty.

"Tell me the truth, Potter!" Severus snapped.

Harry suddenly flinched at his tone, accidentally knocking his plate to the floor. The sound of crashing china exploded. Harry leaped out of his chair and backed away, shaking in fear for he knew what was coming next. Punishment.

"Potter?" Draco said, his grey eyes wide in confusion.

"Harry?" a deep voice said.

Harry shook his head, tears coming down his face.

"Harry? Look at me, child!" Strong hands grabbed his arms, pinning them to his sides.

He couldn't breathe. He couldn't take in air. His chest was hurting so bad and his whole body started to tremble.

"I'm sorry!" he tried to say. "I'm sorry. I... I," but he couldn't say it. Uncle Vernon was looming over him. The broken pieces of china were all over the kitchen floor. Aunt Petunia glaring at him from where she was standing.

The chest in his pain was excruciating.

Uncle Vernon was shouting. He threw Harry onto the glass. Aunt Petunia throwing a broom at him and calling him a freak. Dudley grinning from his seat at the table, enjoying the show.

Harry was still laying on the floor. Glass puncturing his skin. The sound of the whipping belt was scarier than the pain.

A dark cupboard under the stairs, filled with crying and pain and bruises and fear. A small boy curled up on his cot, surrounded by darkness, with monsters creeping down the stairs and he couldn't breathe. He couldn't breathe and he had to feel the pain.

* * *

Severus was at first angry at the boy for lying. He didn't mean to snap but it came out before he could even stop. His father was always hitting him for lying. Then Severus, letting anger get the best of him once more, snapped at Harry, forgetting how delicate he was due to his background of abuse. Severus berated himself for being such an idiot.

The crashing of a broken plate rang throughout the kitchen. It was silent for a second.

"Potter?" Draco made to get up but Severus made him sit back down with a shake of his head.

Harry backed away as Severus stood. He could see the boy was having a panic attack. And a bad one, it seemed.

"Harry?" he said gently, walking slowly towards him.

The boy shook his head, his body shaking and his face pale.

"Harry, look at me, child," he said putting his hands to the boy's side, to prevent any future attacks of scratching.

"I'm sorry!" The teen started stuttering. "I'm sorry. I…I."

Severus could see that Harry couldn't breathe and his eyes were unfocused. "Harry, I really don't care that the plate broke. I'm not going to punish you." The boy was gasping for air now, his whole body trembling so hard.

The boy pulled his arms away from Severus. Shaking his head, backing away and gasping for breath. He started scratching his arm. Severus pulled his arms away before he can hurt himself.

"No, Harry!"

"No! No!" Harry shouted, gasping for air. He fell to his knees. Severus sat down on the floor and wrapped his arms around him.

"No! Don't touch me!" Harry gasped. He started kicking his legs, struggling and fighting but Severus held tight to the boy.

"Come on, Harry, I know your there. Listen to my voice. Listen to me and follow my breathing."

Tears were pouring down the teen's face. Severus could see that Harry couldn't talk anymore, afraid and in pain. He stopped fighting, only cringed from Severus' touch, shaking and gasping to breathe. Severus turned the frightened teen around so he was facing him. He then pressed Harry's hand to his own chest, so Harry can feel Severus' beating heart and the steady movement of his chest.

"Come on now, child, it's just me. I'm not going to hurt you remember? You can trust me. Now, count one: breathe in, breathe out. Two: breathe in, breathe out." Severus guided Harry's breathing for a few moments until they got to ten. Soon Harry was finally able to breathe. He was calming down now. Then surprising Severus, Harry buried his tear-streaked face into his robes, wrapping his arms tight around Severus' waist, as if his life depended on it.

Severus didn't push Harry away, even though Draco was still sitting at the table, watching the scene with wide eyes. He felt bad for making Draco stay where he was. Severus just didn't want to alert his presence to Harry, making him panic even more.

So Severus held the shaking teenager. Wrapping his arms tightly around him, until Harry stopped crying and was ready to let go.

Severus sat with him for almost twenty minutes, whispering to Harry that he was safe and loved. That he was going to celebrate his birthday with his friends later.

Harry's sobs soon stopped, his body stopped shaking but he held on to Severus robes. "You're safe, Harry." Severus said quietly, gently to soothe him. "Everything is going to be alright. You are home."

Harry burrowed his face deeper into the robes. "I'm sorry, Severus," he mumbled. "I'm so sorry for being like this."

Severus nodded to Draco, signaling that it was okay for him to go now. Draco nodded in understanding before tiptoeing out of the kitchen.

Harry finally pulled himself away from Severus' arms, wiping his face and putting his glasses back on, looking thoroughly embarrassed.

"Don't be ashamed, child," Severus said gently. "This can happen to the best of us at times."

"I have to clean up the mess, Severus!" Harry said shaking his head and not paying attention to what Severus had just said.

Severus pulled out his wand and vanished the scattered pieces of china.

"Don't worry about it now. It's gone," Severus said. "Are you ready to stand up?"

Harry shook his head, leaning his back against the kitchen counter, pulling his knees up to his chest and burying his face.

"What did you remember?" Severus asked, scooting to sit beside him but not initiating any contact.

The boy didn't answer for a while. He just stayed in the same tensed position and when Severus thought he was going to have to argue it out of the teen, then Harry finally lift up his head.

"If I tell you, you have to tell me something about your dad, remember?"

Severus nodded, "very well. Do you want me to go first?"

Harry shook his head, "no I'll go, before I lose my Gryffindor courage."

Severus rolled his eyes, "Gryffindors," he muttered.

The boy gave him a small smile, causing Severus' heart to leap for making the teen smile.

"We were eating dinner. I think, I was maybe eight or nine. I remember Dudley scarfing down his food as fast as he could. Aunt Petunia and Uncle Vernon were complaining about me. They were saying how expensive I was. And how because of me, they had to cut back on some stuff and that I was taking food out of Dudley's mouth."

It took all of Severus willpower to not say anything, letting the boy finish.

"It bothered me so much that night. Usually, I would ignore them and think about my parents or something. But they were being really cruel and I was hungry. They only allowed me to eat some toast. Then I don't know what happened. My plate just flew out from the table and crashed on the floor."

"Your under-aged magic." Severus said.

Harry nodded. "But I didn't know it back then, it scared me. I didn't understand. And they wouldn't believe me. I got up from my chair, backing away, cus Uncle Vernon was really mad, and he was already getting ready to punish me. He pushed me to the floor on top of the broken plate. Aunt Petunia was shouting at me for breaking her good Sunday china and threw a broom at me. Dudley was just watching and eating. Uncle Vernon, he pulled his belt out and…and...," Harry started gasping for air again and Severus could see how hard it was for him to go on.

He laid a hand on the boy's shoulder and squeezed it. "Remember that I'm here, child, they cannot hurt you anymore."

Shaking in fear, Harry stuttered the rest of his story, determined now to finish. "He whipped me with his belt. The glass was so sharp under me and cutting me. Then they threw me in my cupboard and it was dark. And it hurt all over and I was afraid!" he gasped, tears streaming down his cheeks.

"Of the monsters?"

Harry buried his face in his knees again and nodded.

"Tell me about the monsters, Harry." Severus said trying not to shout impatiently at him.

Harry lifted his head, glancing up at him. "It was stupid. I used to hear Uncle Vernon's footsteps. I was always so afraid of that sound above my cupboard. Cus it always meant that he was going to come and punish me. I was little, I couldn't understand. I couldn't understand why he would creep about on the stairs, coming to punish me when everyone was sleeping. So I pretended his footsteps were from monsters and when the door opened it wasn't him hurting me. Just the monsters who weren't real. And if they weren't real then I wasn't really getting hurt."

"And this would happen at night when everyone was asleep?" Severus' heart was pounding.

Harry nodded.

"How did he punish you?" Severus snapped, lifting up the boy's chin. Demanding an explanation. Hoping it wasn't what he thought it was. Heart pounding at how suspicious Harry's story sounded. How this explained that drawing of a small Harry surrounded by monsters.

Harry's eyes widened, body trembling worse than ever.

"Harry, answer me!"

"No…no…. nothing like that!" Harry stuttered, pulling his chin away from his grasp. "He would just come and hit me. Around Aunt Petunia he would hold back, but when I really angered him or when he was drunk, he would come at night and really give me the punishment I deserved. Aunt Petunia never asked where I got to the extra injuries the next morning. She knew, but she never did anything. Just pretend that I wasn't there."

Severus still didn't like how that sounded. He was going to have to find a way to get Harry to talk about more of those nights. "You know you deserved none of that."

Harry only shrugged, hugging his knees closer to his chest. "I know..."

"No, you don't know!" Severus snapped, causing Harry to flinch. The boy looked at him wide green eyes, making Severus feel guilty for snapping. "Look, I'm sorry, I just wish you can see how much of an extraordinary person you are."

Harry didn't say anything, only blushing in embarrassment.

"The monsters are gone now, child, there is no reason for you to be afraid anymore. I was wondering, if you can tell me more about those nightly punishments?"

Harry shook his head, "can you just tell me your story now?"

Severus inwardly sighed, giving in to the boy's request just this once. He noticed now Harry wasn't calling him, sir, or Professor Snape anymore. It would probably seem silly to anyone else, but to Severus, it showed how much Harry was starting to feel comfortable around him again and trust him. So he decided not push it. For in time, Harry would confide in him and Severus will be there to help him through it.

"My father hated it when I lied to him. Every time I did, he would beat me until he got the truth from me."

"What would you lie to him about?"

"Small things like where I was if I wasn't home, or where my mother was. If I took something of his. I only lied to get him angry, you see, I was pretty rebellious with him."

Harry looked at him with wide eyes, Severus continued talking.

"Well one day he asked me where my mother went. I knew she went to visit some neighbor down the street. But he wouldn't leave me alone. I didn't want to tell him because then he would hurt my mother. So I lied, saying she went to the market. He knew I was lying. He always knew. He beat me until I couldn't stand anymore, he beat me until I was a bloody mess on the floor." Severus choked out, the memories still fresh in his mind. The old buried pain pierced his heart.

"You let him beat you for your mother?"

"Yes, of course I did. I would have done anything for her." Severus said quietly. The boy studied him with his green eyes that were dark with sorrow and pain. Severus would have given everything to see them bright once more.

"Harry, I know those feelings that come, after being abused. After being struck by someone who was supposed to love you. I know how much it hurts inside. I know how much you're hurting."

And suddenly arms were around his waist once more. Severus put an arm around him, rubbing his back.

"I'm sorry for being a git during breakfast."

"No, don't apologize. I shouldn't had snapped at you for lying about the balm, forgive me."

"Of course I will," Harry said, letting go of Severus and sitting up. "I'll go clean my room and put that balm on my scars."

"Let me see your arm," Severus frowned. Harry rolled up his arm. The scars were vivid and red against pale skin. "You haven't even opened the balm? Haven't you? Those scars should've been fading by now."

"I was mad at you remember?"

"Yes, but that's no excuse, Harry. That balm was supposed to help you. If you don't want to use it, that's fine by me. After all, it's your skin, not mine."

"Okay, I know I'm sorry. I'll go put it on right now." Harry stood up and ran to his bedroom, appearing again with the balm. Severus stood up, his back protesting from sitting on the floor for so long. Harry unscrewed the cap and started messaging it into his scars.

"That should about do it," Severus said. "Now go clean your room. We are already running late and you and Draco better not run off to let me bear the scolding from Molly on my own!"

Harry gave him an innocent look before running off to his bedroom to help Draco clean up.

* * *

As Severus had predicted, the first thing they heard once stepping out of the fireplace, was Mrs. Weasley scolding Severus for being late. She gave each Malfoy and Harry a big motherly hug, telling them that the others were outside playing Quidditch.

Remembering Severus words of not leaving him to bear a Mrs. Weasley lecture on punctuality, Harry grinned mischievously. Nudging Malfoy and running off to the small orchard outside. Ignoring the mock glare, the professor sent him.

Harry squinted his eyes against the bright afternoon sun. The events of the morning was washed away from the warmth and the excitement for a game of Quidditch. He can see the Weasleys up in the air playing with apples to substitute the quaffle and bludgers.

"Come on, Malfoy! Let's surprise them!" Harry smiled, putting his leg over his broom, about to take off.

Malfoy looked up at the flying Weasleys. Hesitation in his eyes. "They don't want me with them. I'm a Slytherin git, remember?"

Harry frowned at Malfoy's words, thinking what to say to get the Slytherin to be comfortable with the idea of playing Quidditch with the Weasleys. "Don't worry about them. I Remember Ginny being friendly enough with you last time. Mind you, she's the only you should worry about."

Draco looked up again at the flying Weasleys with a worried frown.

"Come on, Malfoy." Harry said. "I'll tell them you've apologize and you're a change man now! I'll even tell them that you helped me clean my room this morning!"

"A changed man?" Draco scowled. "Really? And besides, I cleaned that room more for myself then for you, Potter. The mess was appalling!"

Harry shrugged. "Come on, Malfoy! Who else is going to kick my arse and fail miserably up there?"

"_Me_, failing miserably to kick _your_ arse?"

Harry smirked. He got him with that challenge. There was no way Malfoy was going to refuse now. So he lifted off the ground, his broom soaring into the air.

"Harry is here!" Ron shouted from the goal post. The twins zoomed around him, tossing him a wrapped package.

"An early birthday present from all of us," they said in twin unison.

Harry holding on to the broom with one hand, unwrapped the small parcel. A snitch, slightly bigger than the real one, not as shiny and golden, flew out, circling the teens.

"It's not as good as the actual snitch," said George.

"But it's great for practice," finished Fred.

Ginny flew over. A small smile on her lips. Her red hair flying in the wind. Feeling dazed, Harry returned her shy smile, remembering the last time they talked.

"What is he doing here?!" Ron snapped as he flew next to the twins. The twins looked at where Ron was pointing, noticing for the first time that Harry wasn't alone.

"He's okay, guys!" Harry said quickly. "We made a truce and we both admitted that we act like gits towards each other."

The twins looked at Malfoy through narrowed eyes before nodding. "If Harry says you're alright then, we don't mind you here."

Ginny flew next to Malfoy, patting his back. "I told you it wouldn't be so bad if you joined us," she laughed.

The only one, Harry noticed, who didn't like Malfoy's presence was Ron. He shook his head and flew back to the goalpost. Harry felt a little hurt that his best friend couldn't trust his judgment but he didn't let that stop him from having fun. It was his birthday and something like that was not going to ruin it. Ron would have to get over it somehow.

The Weasleys, Harry and Malfoy spent several hours playing Quidditch in the orchard.

The teams split up three on three:

Harry, Fred and Ron.

Ginny, Malfoy and George.

At first, Harry was a bit disappointed that he wasn't on the same team as Ginny, but then, he realized it was more fun that way. He couldn't help how cute she was with that that determined, completive look, she kept shooting him.

As time went on, more people started arriving.

Lee Jordan, Neville Longbottom, Luna Lovegood, Seamus Finnegan and Dean Thomas. They all joined the game along with the two eldest Weasley brothers. Luna, Neville, and Hermione cheering from the ground for their favorite teams. Sometimes the adults would come and have a look and cheer the teams on. Harry even spotted Severus briefly watching as he conversed with some of the order members.

The game was just as intense as if it were a game at Hogwarts. Harry and Malfoy in the end were neck to neck as they raced for the snitch. All eyes were on the seekers, everyone even the players pausing to watch. Their hands were both outstretched until the last moment, Malfoy gained a spurt of speed and closed his long fingers around the flying ball.

A shocked silence was met. For that was the first time in history, Malfoy had managed to beat Harry in Quidditch, and fairly too. Until Harry laughed and nudged Malfoy in a friendly way. Everyone relaxed, cheering for the winning team, before flying to the ground, starving for Mrs. Weasleys delicious home cooked food.

* * *

The sun was halfway in the sky as everyone gathered around the long tables outside in the yard. Friendly conversations and laughter filled the air.

Harry found himself sitting among his friends, Ginny besides him and Hermione on the other side. Neville, Malfoy, and Ron sitting across from them. All talking about the next term and the Quidditch league. He was glad to see Malfoy finally relaxing among Harry's friends, who've all decided to be civil with him for Harry.

This day can't get any better, Harry thought as they all finished dinner. He never felt more at peace than right now. Surrounded by friends and for the first time having an actual home to go back too. The document, Severus had shown Harry, was still in his mind and he couldn't help but smile. Severus wanted him. He had a family, a guardian who loved him. The only thing Harry ever wanted.

Suddenly, everyone started to sing, pulling Harry out of his happy thoughts. Mrs. Weasley had levitated a giant cake with white frosting, covered with candles and snitches in front of him.

"Make a wish, Harry!" Hermione laughed, from besides him at the table. Harry glanced at Severus who stood behind the Weasleys with a butterbeer in his hand. He nodded to Harry in encouragement. His black eyes no longer cold but full of warmth and pride for his new charge.

Harry grinned wishing that this moment could never end. That he would always think of this night and how everyone had come together, just to celebrate his birthday. He blew out the candles. Everyone started cheering and handing him birthday presents which harry bashfully thanked them. Unused to so many presents and attention, all for him. Something that would never have happened at Privet Drive.

* * *

Soon everyone dispersed after they ate their cake. Some heading into the Burrow, some calling it a night, making sure to bid Harry goodnight before heading home.

Harry was sitting on the porch, wishing more than anything that Sirius was here. Wishing that Remus didn't have to miss this. The feeling of peace he had felt already melting away.

"Harry, can you take a walk with me?" Ginny asked, her brown eyes shining in the twilight. "I have a present for you."

Harry nodded and followed her to the orchard, not noticing the watchful eye of Severus as he talked to Mrs. Longbottom about her grandson's atrocious potion skills.

"I thought the snitch was the present," Harry said, breaking the tension that had somehow risen between them.

Ginny shook her head. "I wanted to give you something special."

Harry nodded as she sat down on the grass. He sat next to her, not knowing what to do with his hands all of a sudden. He felt so nervous, his stomach full of butterflies.

The sun had now completely set. Fireflies lit up the darkness around them, the laughter and chatter of their guest, was still heard from the Burrow.

"Happy birthday, Harry," she handed him a small package.

He smiled shyly at her and opened it gently, feeling the warmth of her gaze. His body shivering but not from the cool summer air.

Inside, was a framed photo of Harry laughing with Ron, Ginny and Hermione outside the Burrow. Judging by how young he looked, he guessed it was during the summer of the Quidditch world cup. The summer before everything changed. The last time Harry was happy before….

"Wow, Ginny," he whispered, studying the photo in awe.

"It's an old photo… I know, but my dad took it when he was playing around with his muggle camera. Do you remember? When he was trying to magically make it work better before mum found out. He found it and gave it to me. I thought maybe it's better if you have a photo. So you won't forget about us, you will remember where we came from and the memories we shared here. The happiness you once felt."

"You … you understand?"

"I know you, Harry." Her brown eyes full of the intensity that was in Harry. "I know that since Diggory died, you were never the same and then when you lost Sirius… I know you're not happy. I know your stressed form the war and I just want you to know that I'm here for you."

"Gin... I don't know what to say..." He hugged her for a moment, before letting go and looking at the photo again, thinking about what she just said.

_Did she really understand? Did she really mean what she said?_

And suddenly Ginny was leaning into him, so close to Harry, that he felt as if he were in a sudden trance, forgetting everything. Even the photo in his hands and all that existed, was the very fact that he was with Ginny. The smell of her shampoo and the Burrow wafted from her, filling Harry with warmth. He was holding her hand now, ignoring his inner pleas of _don't get close! Don't or you will get hurt_.

_Screw the pleas…_ and he leaned down, their lips barley touching….

"Harry?" Severus called. "Where are you?"

They quickly pulled apart. Harry sighing in frustration at the ruined moment.

"Harry?" Severus gave him a suspicious look, finding the two teenagers alone in the orchard. "Was I interrupting something?"

Harry shook his head, pushing his annoyance away, due to the urgency in the professor's voice.

"Come, we must return to the castle! Madam Pomfrey just sent word. It's Lupin!" He said, turning around and striding fast towards the Burrow.

Harry stood up, helping Ginny to her feet, exchanging worried glances before following the professor back to the Burrow.

**A/N: Another chapter finished! There was a bit of drama going on. I hope I didn't make anyone cry. Oh and I seemed to have done it again and left you at a cliffhanger! Ahahahahaha=D And sorry for all the typos. I was in a hurry.**

**Okay so what did you think of Harry and Severus making up? And was Draco and Harry's truce awkward enough? And that moment with Ginny and Harry, was it sweet? And what is wrong with Moony!**

**Review Responses!**

**Cynder2013:**** I'm driving you crazy with my cliffhangers aren't I? lol, so sorry!**

**Caraline Fisher:**** Thanks for still reading my story. Did you like this chapter?**

**PotterGirl19:**** Thanks!=D**

**Sakraprace:**** Severus may be smart, but he isn't used to caring for a kid, so he is pretty oblivious right now. Thanks for reviewing! =)**

**Guest:**** Thank you!=)**

**Now I have to go to math class! D'= bye! Don't forget to review! – Chase'sGirl19**


	19. Chapter 19 Do Not Lose Yourself in the P

**Chapter Nineteen - Do Not Lose Yourself in the Past**

Severus had no time to waste as he returned through the floo with Harry and Draco.

"I want you boys to get ready for bed," he said.

"You're not going to tell us what's going on with Remus?" Harry asked worriedly.

Severus regretfully shook his head. "I would if I could. I do not know much myself, only that Madame Pomfrey needs me."

"Yeah, I was there when he received the message, Potter. The patronus only said that Severus should come and it was about Lupin," Draco said.

Harry nodded at Draco's words. With a frown, he turned his eyes on Severus once more. "Can I go with you?" he asked.

"I'm afraid not, Harry, I'll come back soon and I will tell you everything, I promise."

"Come on, Potter, just let Severus go and take care of your wolf," Draco said tiredly and nudged the worried Gryffindor to their bedroom.

"Just help him, okay…, promise?" Harry asked.

"I promise, child, now get to bed. And happy birthday."

Harry ran over to him and gave him a quick hug. "Thank you," he mumbled, red in the face, before running back to his room and closing the door.

Severus didn't have time to wonder at Harry's sudden show of affection, although it touched him deeply.

* * *

"Madame Pomfrey's office!" he shouted and he was gone in a flash of green flames.

He stepped out of the fireplace. Howls and growls were coming from Lupin's private room. Severus hurried to the room, finding Lupin growling under the bed. Albus was holding up a shield between himself, Madame Pomfrey and the werewolf.

"Albus?" Severus said. "What happened?"

"Poppy was doing her night routine and administrating some potions for him, until he tried to attack her. It was lucky I was here at the time to draw up a shield. We tried coaxing Remus out but he won't listen. His mind has been taken over completely by the wolf."

"We have to do something! He is going to hurt himself. His body is still healing! And this stress isn't good for him either!" Madame Pomfrey added.

"What do you want me to do? I'm no mind healer, not even a potion can bring Lupin back to sense!" Severus said, looking at the glowing amber eyes from under the bed.

"Not a mind healer, no…," Albus said thoughtfully, "but you can enter his mind."

"Albus, that is a violation!" Madame Pomfrey gasped.

"Yes, I know. But we have no choice. We both thought Remus would come back to us by now. As you were telling me earlier, his behavior has indeed gotten worse."

Severus could already see the plan the headmaster had in mind.

"Why can't you do it, Albus? You're the one who taught me how to use Legilimency."

"Ah, yes…, unfortunately though, I have too much information that could easily slip into the werewolf's mind. Severus, you're the second best Legilimens who can take on this task. I want you to enter his memories, first you will only find those of the wolf, so beware and tread carefully. Wait until you see a fragment of Remus and hold him. Enter his memory and convince him that he is safe. We know Remus is still in there but he isn't fighting. You need to give him a purpose, Severus, for he has given up."

Severus nodded. "I'll do it and only because of Harry!" he snapped, not admitting that as much as he despised the werewolf, he couldn't stand the idea of not helping him out of this state.

"One question, Albus," Severus said. "How am I going to get close enough to enter his mind?"

"I'm going to lower my shield, and I want you to cast your spell right before he tries to attack again."

Severus nodded, as he pointed his wand towards the direction of the werewolf. "Ready," he said.

Albus nodded, his ice-blue eyes full of determination, as he lowered his shield. At first Lupin didn't come out. Severus frowned, not daring to lower his wand.

A loud whining came from under the bed. Severus lowered his wand, somehow knowing that Lupin was not going to come out. He walked slowly towards the side of the bed and knelt down, his wand still pointing at the wolf.

"Severus…," Madame Pomfrey whispered.

But Severus didn't say anything. He looked at the scared amber eyes of the wolf and whispered, "Legilimens!"

* * *

The only thing that Severus could see was darkness as he probed the werewolf's mind. Only darkness, snippets of voices, whimpering and pain. Until the world around him suddenly appeared, bathed in silvery moonlight. The voices ceased and the pain, whimpering and fear that Severus felt from the wolf, diminished.

Severus wondered what memory this was. He wondered where he was, as he looked around. It seemed as if he were in a forest. Ferns and trees surrounded him, and a long howl sounded from behind him. He swung around, reminding himself that this was only a memory, and nothing could hurt him here. Severus looked around for the source of the howling, but failed. So, not sure what to do next, he decided to look around, and see if there were any sign of Lupin before moving onto the next memory. He walked through the forest paths, wondering what forest this was when he noticed the trees thinning out, until he was able to see the outline of Hagrid's hut.

He was at the Forbidden Forest of Hogwarts.

A loud howling suddenly filled the forest again, followed by a deep growling. Severus turned around slowly, this time finding himself face to face with a large grey wolf, amber eyes gleaming and his fangs bared into a snarl.

Severus stepped back.

_It's only a memory,_ he said to himself. _Only a memory…,_ but fear was taking over. He remembered running through a dark tunnel for his life, the howls and snarls of a monster fighting to be let free. Potter running behind him with Black, telling him to keep running, do not slow down, he was almost there!

A loud bark tore Severus away from the memory of that night. He turned his head to see a large dog step out from the forest, barking, wagging its tail, and beckoning the wolf to join him.

_Black…, in Animagus form…._

This was a memory of the Marauders, as they roamed the castle grounds in their Animagi forms with the werewolf.

_They could had been expelled or killed! And Albus had let them get away with this? I was almost killed because of their foolish actions! _

Resentment and anger clouded Severus for a while, until he almost forgot what he was doing. He didn't even know why he agreed to help Lupin. After all, he was part of the group of idiots that made his life at Hogwarts a living hell.

_I promised Harry I would help the wolf, I promised him…,_ a small voice said, pulling him out of the bitterness that was quickly taking over his heart. Severus shook his head, clearing his thoughts and trying to stay on task as the wolf gave him a curious glance, before running after the dog. Severus can barely make out the outline of a stag through the shadows of the trees.

_Lupin isn't here,_ he realized. _This a memory of the wolf's. A memory of his pack._

Severus closed his eyes. Concentrating on moving on to the next memory. He opened his eyes and found himself in a dark room. The wolf was throwing himself against the wall, tearing at himself and whimpering in pain.

Severus leaned against the wall. Hiding in the shadows, so the wolf won't see him, knowing that the beast and Remus were the only ones who will notice the intruder in their mind.

As he watched the wolf tear himself apart, he wondered where Potter and the other idiots were. _How could they leave their friend alone like this to tear himself apart?_ Witnessing this horrific scene, he realized their intentions on breaking rules to become Animagi. For if Lily or Harry or even Draco had to go through this, he suddenly found himself thinking that he might have done the same thing, besides working tirelessly to cure lycanthropy.

Not able to bare seeing the wolf mangle himself, Severus decided to move onto the next memory. Lupin was certainly not here. He had to think where the werewolf might be. It had to be a significant memory, one that might had changed him while he was in the clutches of Greyback.

Severus opened his eyes and found himself in another forest. It was hot and dry, and dust was clouding around his feet. The full moon was in the sky, bright and casting its light on the pack of werewolves running through the forest. Capturing a fluffy grey tail, Severus recognized it as Lupin's. He sighed in frustration and left the memory.

This was harder than he thought. Every time he tried to get closer to Lupin, he kept finding himself in memories of the wolf. He needed to find something of Lupin!

The next memory, Severus found himself in a cellar. Three Death Eaters walked right through him, as if he were a ghost. One of them were holding up a black velvet bag.

"We are going to do more than just kill you, son."

Severus turned his attention to the prisoner on the floor, to the person Greyback was referring too. Severus took a step forward. It was Lupin, beaten and chained to the wall.

"Hold him down," Greyback snarled. The Death Eaters suddenly pinned Lupin to the ground. The wolf tried to fight them off but Severus could see he was no match for them.

Severus watched as Greyback ripped off Lupin's shirt. He watched Lupin as he growled in rage and the feeling of triumph, Severus felt for finding a memory of Lupin's, suddenly went away, for he saw the flash of amber take over those hazel-green eyes before he twisted his body and kicked at the Death Eaters.

"Get off me!" he shouted. "I'm not telling you bastards anything!"

"One more chance, Remus. Why were you with the colony?"

Severus watched as Greyback stepped closer to the werewolf. He watched as Lupin bravely spat at Greyback's face. He watched Lupin fought again against the Death Eaters but failed as they yanked the chain, choking him. The whole time, Severus noticed the golden glint in Lupin's eyes. No, he had to try again…, this memory was also the wolf's. But he was getting closer….

He can suddenly feel the pain and fear the wolf inside Lupin was feeling. Severus felt himself being pulled out of the memory. The wolf knew Severus was there, but he fought to stay because he saw the gleam of the silver rod and the glowing orange color that read:

**Werewolf**

**Classified Dark Creature**

They lowered it to Lupin's chest. Severus wanted to stop them, but he knew it was no use. This was only a memory. And this time, Severus let himself be pulled away from the memory. The inhumane screams of pain filled his ears, as darkness took over for a moment, before a whirl of voices and flashes of color surrounded Severus. Until he found himself inside a large fence, with a rocky dirt floor.

The sun was shining down, making him uncomfortably hot. Severus surveyed the area around him. A group of kids were standing near the other side of the wooden fence. The Death Eaters and Greyback on the opposite side. Inside the fence, were two people fighting. Kids were shouting and cheering. Greyback was surveying the fight from outside the fence. Severus looked closer to see that it was Lupin and a boy.

The boy was biting down on Lupin's shoulder, blood was streaming down, pooling into a puddle in the dirt. Lupin shouted in fury and pain. "I said enough!" as he pushed the boy off. The kid flew several feet back, lying on the floor and not moving. Severus furrowed his eyebrows, trying to make sense in what he was seeing. It appeared to him, that this was Greyback training his werewolf cubs, training them for the Dark Lord's army. Dumbledore did mention this to Severus, but he never imagined it to be this gruesome and violent!

As the Death Eaters dragged the unconscious werewolf cub out of the fence, Severus walked up to the shocked Lupin. Who stayed where he was, pale, bleeding and in shock. He knelt down, connecting his eyes to those hazel-green eyes. Trying to find a fragment of Lupin's soul.

"Remus," he said gently. The eyes looked back at him, Severus saw a faint moment of clarity, before suddenly, Lupin disappeared.

The surroundings began to change once more. Severus stood up in shock. He found Lupin. There was something about that memory that changed him. Maybe, because it was the first time he had hurt a child like that? Was that the reason why he had given up? Severus didn't know and he realized that he would have to think about those questions later, for he was now in another memory. To Severus, it appeared as if Lupin did not want to be found. He forced Severus out of that memory and brought him here.

_Maybe he is trying to show me something…,_ Severus thought.

He was in a house. A small cottage in the middle of the woods. Severus can hear someone calling for Lupin. A small Lupin ran up the stairs. Not much older than ten. He followed Lupin into the bedroom, where Johnathan Lupin stood. Looking out the window, a letter clutched in his hand.

"Yes, dad?" Lupin said, standing in front of the doorway.

"I've just had a discussion with Albus Dumbledore, headmaster of Hogwarts."

Severus listened as Johnathan Lupin explained the situation and how Lupin had a choice to go to school. That Albus Dumbledore was giving him a chance to learn.

Severus could see the excitement and gratitude in Lupin's hazel eyes. He noticed the scars on the child, how tired he looked from his monthly changes, the bandages that were wrapped around his wrist.

"Now you must promise me to never let the wolf show. Promise me, Remus, or you're not going to Hogwarts. Keep to yourself and be a good boy. Do you understand?"

"Yes, dad, don't let the wolf show. Don't tell anyone my secret. Don't make friends…," Lupin glumly said.

"It's very important that you heed my words, son! One mistake can lead to your expulsion. Do not get close. Do not let the wolf show. Keep your emotions in check! You are not one of them, Remus, so don't even try to make friends, just focus on your schoolwork!"

Severus frowned at the harshness of Johnathan Lupin's words to his son, as suddenly the people in the room began to swirl into color and sound. And then he was in the cellar again. He found Lupin sitting against the wall, under a small window. His knees were pulled up to his chest and his head was resting on his knees, his face covered by dirty tangled hair.

Severus rushed over to him. A voice behind him said, "I know you are figuring out how to escape, either that or Dumbledore is working very hard to find you. If you manage to find a way to escape or someone does come for you, take me with you."

Severus turned around. In his rush to get to Lupin, he had failed to notice the person standing behind him at the door. He peered into the shadows, realizing that it was Kaylie.

Kaylie, with her hair pulled up in a ponytail, torn clothes that signified her hard life in the training camp. Her eyes hard with determination and concern for Lupin.

"I promise I will," Lupin replied before Kaylie left.

Severus turned around to the werewolf once the door closed. He didn't fail to notice the conviction in the words that Lupin spoke. He promised not only to Kaylie but to himself that he will get that girl out of there. And he knew he failed. Severus then realized that what Lupin was showing to him. He knelt down in front of the man who had given up, gently lifting his head to make him look at Severus.

Hazel-green eyes like the forest, stared back at him full of pain and guilt, suffering and hopelessness.

"Lupin, come back with me," he said softly. The werewolf shook his head then buried his face in his knees again.

Suddenly, the surroundings around Severus merged into one color. Voices filled his ears. He heard howling and the stench of blood invaded his senses. Johnathan Lupin shouting, _don't let the wolf show! Don't let him control your emotions! You are not one of them!_

The moon was bright and full, and Severus found himself in the cellar again, but this time it was a different night. Severus can see the two werewolves Kaylie and Lupin changing, and knew what memory this was. He refused to let Lupin show him!

"No!" he shouted, probing Lupin's mind once more, changing the scene with a burst of powerful Legilimency that he was holding back.

This time, Severus was not in the cellar. This was a different memory, a different time. And it wasn't Lupin's. It was the wolf's memory. Severus could tell they were in the Forbidden Forest again, the castle outlined in the distance against inky blue sky.

Scowling to himself, Severus was about to summon up the last of his strength to find Lupin one more time, before hopelessly giving up. When he suddenly spotted Lupin sitting a few feet away, half hidden in the tall grass that barley reached his chest.

Relieved, Severus glanced around at his surroundings once more. It was a meadow somewhere inside the Forbidden Forest. Severus was surprised the forest had something as beautiful as this. Wildflowers and grass covered the ground, the full moon was shining brightly down on the Animagi and werewolf who were wrestling and prancing around in the distance. Severus looked closely at them. A stag, a dog, a rat and a wolf. The Marauders, Lupin's pack. He quietly sat down next to Lupin, who gave no indication that he knew Severus was there.

Severus continued to watch the Animagi and werewolf with Lupin, before quietly saying, "You cannot stay here, Lupin. You can't forget to live and remain in the past."

"Says who?" Lupin said. "Why can't I just let the beast have my body? Its only flesh after all. It can have it, if it means that I can stay here."

"To what? Wallow in the past? To just sit here and watch, and forget to live yourself?"

"There is no need to sound so disgusted, Severus, after all... out of anyone I know, I thought you would understand most of all."

Severus didn't know what to say to that. Of course he understood. After Lily died, he was in a very dark place himself. He could understand why Lupin was ready to give up and just stay trapped in his memories, while the wolf took over his body and mind. Let the wolf live through the chaotic life of Remus Lupin, let the wolf suffer the pain the world gave him on being what he is.

Severus glanced at Remus and noticed his gaze on the black dog, his eyes soft and sad.

"You loved him?" Severus said in surprise.

Remus nodded. "You didn't know? We were quiet exclusive back in Hogwarts. Sirius Black dating a half-breed. His mother went into fits."

"No, I knew you two dated, but I didn't think it was serious. I thought he was just using you to anger his family."

Remus shook his head and smiled "It would seem so … but no. Our relationship, however rocky it was sometimes, was indeed true."

Severus didn't say anything for a while. Realizing that Harry wasn't the only one deeply affected by Black's death.

"Lupin, you can't stay here," he said again with a sense of urgency. "If you do, you can die. The wolf will surly put you into danger."

"And would that be so bad?" Lupin said. "Is it bad to simply not want to live anymore, so I can join them?" he nodded his head towards the playful, carefree animals.

Severus frowned at the werewolf's words, reminding him of Harry when he first rescued him from Privet Drive.

"With your permission, can I show you why it is still worth living, still worth fighting?" Severus asked.

Remus turned his head, tears glistening behind his eyes. "What if I don't want too? I don't even know if I'm strong enough."

"You are strong, Lupin, you've dealt with worse situations than this before. I'm not giving up on you."

"Why are you doing this? You hate me. I'm a monster, remember? I almost killed you when we were kids."

"I promised Harry that I would help you," Severus muttered.

Lupin looked at Severus curiously. "You called him Harry."

"I've grown rather fond of him," Severus muttered. "But he still needs you. He is waiting for you, Lupin, so just give me the chance to help you."

Lupin sighed as he buried his face into his knees, staying in that position for a long time.

Severus didn't move, didn't say anything. He just waited. Waited until the moon began to set, the stars began to fade and the Animagi and werewolf began to walk back to the Shrieking Shack, did Lupin finally raise his head.

"Alright, Severus, I'll let you try," he whispered.

"Take my hand," Severus said as gently as he can.

Lupin slowly placed his hand into Severus' own. Their eyes meeting briefly before Severus led Lupin to happier memories, concerning the Marauders and a certain baby with black hair and green eyes. To a time where they were young and the war had barely touched them. To a time where Remus Lupin was not alone. To a time when he was surrounded by his friends and the one he loved.

* * *

This time Severus channeled his Legilimency skills to focus on the positive memories, sorting through them and pulling memories out that might help Lupin. His hand still closed around the werewolf, afraid to let go and lose him.

They found themselves in the courtyard of Hogwarts. A snowball fight between the Marauders was going on. They were about eleven, first years. He could see a young Lupin spying on the three boys from the window.

"Why aren't you joining them?" Severus asked.

"We weren't friends than, I wouldn't let them get close to me because of the things my dad said. I wasn't one of them." Lupin said, watching the young version of himself. They watched the scene for a few more minutes, until Lupin squeezed Severus' hand. He found himself being pulled to a different memory. He was surprised at the fact that this time Lupin was guiding him, and not the other way around.

This time they were in the Hogwarts library. Lily was laughing at something Remus was saying as they studied together. Severus' heart jumped at the sight of his friend. The red hair, the green eyes and her laugh. The sound of her voice..., Severus realized how much he missed her. How he had forgotten how she sounded. Then she was gone….

Lupin had led Severus to a memory taking place in the Gryffindor dormitories. Potter and Black were trying to help Pettigrew with studying for an exam, until Remus took over.

And now another memory, Peter passing the exam and the Marauders were trying to get Remus to join them.

Another memory of them finding out about his lycanthropy.

A flash of Potter, Black and Pettigrew for the first time showing Lupin their Animagi forms.

The memories suddenly became fast and quick. Severus realized his plan wasn't working. Instead of the memories reminding Lupin of how strong and loved he was, they were only hurting him, reminding him of the loss of his friends and the pain he suffered.

Severus knew because every time he caught a glimpse of Lily, pain, new and raw shot him in the heart. So he could only imagine how much worse it was for Lupin. He then realized he was losing him. The grip on his hand began to loosen through the swirl of memories.

Laughter heard from the Marauders.

Lily saying Lupin's name….

And then they landed on their feet, in the room of requirement and Lupin fell to his knees.

On the sofa was a teenage Black and Lupin, kissing passionately, before they paused and Sirius whispered, "I love you, Remus."

Lupin let out a choked sob, "Sirius...," as he watched his former love kiss his memory-self with so much love.

"Lupin," Severus choked out. This was a bad idea. He was losing him! He grabbed Lupin's shoulder.

"Do not go, Lupin, do not give up!" But he could still feel Lupin pulling away. The memory swirling around until they were at the Department of Mysterious.

"Lupin, we have to get out here!" Severus shouted through the shouts and noises of the battles taking place.

But it was too late, Black was already falling through the veil….

Severus can feel Lupin's frustration and pain as he watched his memory-self, torn to hold a struggling Harry back and going after his beloved.

Lupin, his eyes dark with pain began to fade away. Severus couldn't grab his hand anymore. He was losing the werewolf!

"Lupin!" Severus shouted.

"Can you hear me, Remus?"

Severus looked around. It was Harry's voice. He was talking to Lupin. Albus must've realized Severus was failing.

_Come on, Harry, keep talking!_ Severus thought.

"Please, come back. I need you, Remus. If you go…, I don't know what I'll do. So just please come back."

Lupin was looking around as well, his body looking more solid than before.

Severus grabbed Lupin. Glad that he was able to this time. "Lupin, listen!" he shouted. "Listen to Harry!"

Lupin looked at Severus, before they were lost in a swirl of memories once more.

Now they were in Godric's Hallow.

Remus was holding a newborn Harry.

"I promised Sirius that I'll take care of him," Remus said.

"Then you must go back," Severus said. "Harry needs you."

"Remus please keep fighting. Please don't give up. You'll be okay. You won't be alone, you have me. Don't forget me," Harry said.

Lupin closed his eyes.

The coos of a baby Harry surrounded them. And the laughter of a young Remus, as he promised the world to that small baby. A young Sirius Black was hugging Lupin around the waist with his forehead pressed against Lupin's own.

"Don't disappoint them, Lupin," Severus muttered, indicating the memory Black and the baby Harry. His hand on Lupin's shoulder.

Severus couldn't help but feel proud of Harry. Severus was so close to losing the werewolf but now he could see that they succeeded. Harry and Severus had both saved Remus Lupin and now he was ready to return.

"Take my hand," Severus said softly. Remus tore his eyes away from the baby, looking at Severus with hazel-green eyes, like the forest. They reminded Severus of summer and warmth. They were full of pain and wistfulness, renewed with a newfound strength.

"Will I be okay?" he frowned.

"I can't promise you that," Severus said, offering his hand to the werewolf. "But you have to try."

Lupin nodded, "then I'm ready to go back, Severus. Staying here, watching the past over and over will destroy me. I have to try and live again, don't I?"

Severus nodded, "it's going to be hard, Lupin, but you won't be alone."

Lupin took Severus' hand with a determined expression on his face. Severus closed his own hand tightly around the werewolf's, wasting no time in leaving the chaotic memories of Remus Lupin and the wolf behind them.

* * *

Severus opened his eyes, trying not to groan at the pounding headache. He could feel how weak his magical core was from the strain of using Legilimency for so long. His entire body felt as if he had just fallen off a broom, but Lupin was back, and that was all that mattered.

"Professor?" a voice said. Severus turned his blurry gaze to a messy haired boy with green eyes... her eyes….

"I'm proud of you, child," he muttered, closing his heavy eyelids, sinking into the darkness and falling asleep….

**A/N: Did you guys enjoy this chapter? I hope so, I worked on it all day lol. So yeah, there might be a lot of typos because I'm feeling tired right now and might had missed a lot, but don't worry just let me know and I'll edit it. **

**Speaking of editing…**** I have reedit the first three chapters of Already Home, so if you want to go back and look at them you can. I didn't change anything that was important. Only some grammars, spelling, typos etc.… so, please review! Thanks! **

**And…**** even though I've decided to not respond to any reviews from the last chapter, because I've just wore myself out…and I really want to get this one posted ASAP, I loved every review I received and I thank you so very much for your support! Love you all! **

– **Chase'sGirl19**


	20. Chapter 20 Gaining a Family

**Chapter Twenty – Gaining a Family**

"Madame Pomfrey's office!" Harry heard Severus shout from the living room. There was the sound of flames and Harry could almost picture in his head the Potions Professor disappearing in green flames. He sat down on his bed, wondering what was wrong with Remus, and what Severus could do to help. He doubted he was going to get any sleep tonight, not like this. Not when he was worried over the outcome of tonight. What if Remus needed him? Harry was all Remus had left of the Marauders, not counting Wormtail.

"Potter, seriously stop sulking! Severus knows what he is doing, and Lupin will be safe with him," Malfoy said, laying on his cot and playing with Harry's practice snitch.

"I know…, I trust Severus, I do, but I have bad luck," Harry sighed as he laid against the headboard of his bed.

"What do you mean bad luck?" Malfoy caught the snitch out of thin air, then letting it free once more.

"Well every..., no, forget it," Harry frowned.

"Come on, Potter, tell me!" Malfoy demanded, momentarily forgetting about the snitch zooming around the room.

"Okay, well fine…," Harry sighed in defeat. "Every time I get close to someone, they die. The people I love, are always dying or getting hurt. That is why I'm afraid something bad is going to happen to Remus." _Or Severus maybe…, _Harry thought.

Malfoy scoffed, "you don't actually believe in that, do you?"

Probably from the look Harry must had given him, Malfoy frowned "Look, Potter, don't worry. Lupin is going to be alright."

Harry nodded, "I'm just being stupid I guess."

"Ah, you admit it! You finally see yourself as the dunderhead we all know and love!" Malfoy mocked.

Harry tossed a pillow at him, hitting Malfoy right in the face, causing Harry to bust out in laughter.

"You're not getting away so easily, Potter!" Malfoy shouted. The Slytherin jumped on Harry's bed, whacking him with the pillow, until Harry was crying from laughing so hard. Harry then managed to shove Malfoy off the bed, who landed with a thud on the floor, too busy laughing too hard to notice any pain.

Once the laughter subsided and they were in their respective beds, brushed teeth and in their pajamas, the lights off and the practice snitch still zooming around the room, then Malfoy ask, "Where did you disappear off too after the cake?"

Harry wide awake, unable to seep with thoughts on Remus and Severus, thought about his answer. "I was with Ginny," he said.

"Do you fancy her?"

"..."

"You fancy her! You prat!" Malfoy shouted out.

"Yeah…so, what do you care?" Harry muttered, rolling his eyes.

It was silent for a while. _Strange… did he fall asleep?_ Harry thought.

"Why do you care, Malfoy?" he asked again in the darkness.

"For some reason, you strike me as someone as ... um…maybe who was into guys..."

"I'm not gay, Malfoy, if that's what you're saying!" Harry scowled in annoyance.

"You sure, Potter? Cus you and your pal Weasley make a good match." Malfoy sneered.

Harry tossed another pillow at him. Malfoy violently tossed it back at him.

"Okay, fine, I fancy Ginny," Harry scowled.

Malfoy let out a loud, "ha!" and received another pillow to the face.

"How about you, Malfoy? Have anyone in mind? Boys? Girls?" he smirked.

"No," Malfoy said quickly. "Do you think Severus has ever fancied anyone?" he asked, curiously changing the subject. "He is usually so reserved and keeps to himself. I was surprised he even let you get close to him, Potter. He doesn't even tell me some of the things you know about him. I wonder if he's ever been in love or ever wanted children."

"Why are you so interested in talking about this?" Harry asked. He couldn't believe this conversation was happening. He couldn't believe that he had even made a truce with Malfoy. _If I would had known I'll be talking about girls and love with Malfoy, I would had laughed myself silly before checking into St. Mungo's psych ward_, Harry thought. "You never seemed like one to care much about stuff like that."

Malfoy was silent for a while. So Harry decided to just say anything, he felt bad for sounding defensive.

"He fancied my mum," Harry whispered. "But don't tell him I told you or anyone."

"I won't, Harry. Is it okay if I can call you Harry sometimes? You can call me Draco if you want."

"Yeah, sure…," he said, hesitantly. "Why are you being so nice, Draco?" Harry then asked, trying the name out on his tongue. It sounded strange, but he could get used to it.

"Well, it makes things easier since we are sharing a room, and I kind of like this situation. Ever since You-Know-Who returned, my family fell apart and staying here…, it feels like family, you know?"

"Yeah, I know what you mean, I feel it too."

"Severus, he cares about you. I don't understand him. He is in league with You-Know-Who, but then, he cares about you…."

Harry was about to protest against his words to protect his guardian, but Malfoy went on….

"No, don't worry, Potter, I made a deal with Severus. Don't ask why, it's complicated, please."

"Alright," Harry said, bursting with curiosity but he pushed it away. _What deal?_

"Anything that goes on here, anything that I see, I cannot tell anyone, even You-Know-Who himself. I gave Severus my word. And I know I'm such a prat sometimes, but when I give someone my word, then I make sure to keep it. It's the honorable thing to do, you know?"

"You're not as bad as you make yourself out to be," Harry said.

"Yeah, well, I am a Slytherin. I have to keep up with appearances." Draco said conceitedly, making Harry roll his eyes again in the dark.

"Harry, Severus really does care for you. And I know it's not pretend, just so he can gain approval from You-Know-Who for taking you under his wing. I could tell by the way he talks to you, cares for you. Like this morning, for example. He knew how to calm you down. Just give him a chance, okay, don't be so hard on him."

Harry didn't say anything, just thinking of Draco's advice. "I'll try, Draco...," he only said in the end.

"What were your relatives like? Why are you here, instead of with them? If you don't mind me asking?"

"They didn't, um...," Harry tried to say the words that were at the tip of his tongue, but he couldn't. Why couldn't he say them? He remembered the threats from his aunt and uncle before school. To never tell anyone about his punishments. Never tell anyone about how he was not welcomed at number four Privet Drive. And he suddenly heard Uncle Vernon shouting, could almost feel the pain of past injuries, reminding him of how he got them. And then he realized Draco was there beside him. The lamp was turned on and the Slytherin was saying something to him, his lips were moving, but Harry couldn't understand.

Draco lifted Harry's hand and pressed it against his own chest. So that Harry could feel the Slytherin's beating heart and the motion of his lungs, just as if Severus would had done, if he were here. The thought of Severus erased away the memories of the abuse Harry suffered, replacing them with the feelings of comfort, family and safety. And Harry wished so very much, that the Potions Master was here with him.

"You're okay, Harry, your safe," Draco was saying.

Harry began to breathe again, Draco made to leave, but he grabbed him by the wrist and said, "Don't go!"

Draco nodded with wide eyes. Empty of the coldness and mockery that were once in them. Instead, they were full of concern for his new friend.

There was a knock on the door. The boys looked up expecting to see Severus, but to their disappointment, however, it was Dumbledore.

"I'm sorry to be disturbing you boys...," the headmaster said, eyeing the two boys on Harry's bed.

"Potter was having a panic attack, Professor, we need Severus," Draco said.

Dumbledore sat on the edge of the bed next to Harry. "Are you alright?"

Harry nodded, "I am now, sir, Draco helped me."

Dumbledore nodded, "you were very fortunate to have him here to help you. I'm so glad that you two have sorted out your differences."

"Is Remus alright? Did Severus help him?" Harry asked.

"It's not going as well as we hoped," the headmaster said.

Harry's stomach dropped in fear. "What do you mean?" he choked out.

"Not all is lost yet, for I've come here to ask for your assistance. Severus needs your help, Harry."

* * *

Harry found himself flooing into the hospital wing, then following Dumbledore to a private room near the matron's office. The sight that met his eyes horrified him. Severus was kneeling down on his knees, one arm on the mattress, the other holding his wand to Remus who was laying halfway under the bed. Both of their eyes were open, glazed and unseeing.

"Severus!" he shouted, running to the Potions Master and kneeling down next to him on the floor. Harry didn't touch him, he was afraid too.

"What's wrong with them!" he shouted.

"Remus' behavior was not improving. He almost attacked Madame Pomfrey and we couldn't get him to calm down. We asked Severus to use Legilimency on him to bring him out of his wolf state of mind," Dumbledore explained. "Do you understand what I'm saying, Harry?"

"Severus is looking for Remus' soul?" Harry asked hesitantly, he didn't really understand.

"Yes, you can put it that way."

"Why do you need my help, Professor?" Harry asked looking away from Severus' and Remus' eyes. He noticed the golden wolf eyes in Remus' that covered the usual hazel-green eyes.

"They've been like this for almost two hours. This length of time is extremely dangerous. It could affect Severus' magical core. This much strain on him is going to weaken him, maybe even kill him. You need to talk to Remus, even if it looks as if he can't hear you, he will, Harry. You must help Severus bring him back to the surface and dominate the spirit of his wolf-self. Do you think you can help us?"

Harry nodded, "of course I will."

"Excellent, now put your hand on Remus and just talk to him."

"What should I say?"

"Say anything to him, Harry, he needs to hear your voice. He needs to hear that he is not alone."

Harry nodded, glancing again at the frozen Severus and Remus.

"Will Severus be okay after this?"

"We can only hope. Now quickly, the sooner you start the better!"

Harry nodded, tearing his gaze away from Severus. His heart was thumping fast at the idea of losing his new guardian. He was starting to feel another panic attack coming on again. Harry tried to fight against it. He couldn't have an attack, not when Severus needed him. He couldn't lose his new guardian. Not now, not when everything was starting to seem okay, not when Harry finally found someone who might actually want him, care for him, and maybe even love him like their own child. At least, Harry hoped Severus did. Especially since he was going to be his new adoptive father, something Harry never asked for, something Severus decided to do on his own, simply because he cared for him.

Harry touched Remus' shoulder. He was going to do the best he can for them. For Severus, his guardian. And for Remus, his father's best friend, his mentor, the man who showed Harry his talent for Defense against the Dark Arts. These men meant so much to Harry and he was going to give it his all to help them. He took a deep breath, his heart finally slowing down. Dumbledore put his hand on Harry's shoulder. This time he didn't flinch from the sudden contact. This time, he welcomed the reassurance from the headmaster as he turned his focus on Remus.

"Can you hear me, Remus?" Harry said hesitantly at first. He knew it was a dumb thing to say, but he still had to pull his thoughts together. What should he say?

"Please come back," Harry said, deciding to be truthful with his feelings towards the wolf. It was the only thing that he could think of. The only thing that might work. "I need you, Remus, if you go.., I don't know what I'll do. So please just come back."

Suddenly a loud whining came from Remus, spooking Harry. He flinched backwards onto the floor.

"Harry, don't be frightened. You're reaching through to Remus," Dumbledore said encouragingly as he knelt down in front of Harry who was shaking. "You're doing fine," the headmaster continued gently, holding out his hand for him to take.

He took a deep breath. _For Severus and Remus,_ he said to himself taking Dumbledore's hand, and letting the headmaster place it back on Remus' shoulder, the headmaster's hand covering his own shaking one.

"Go on, Harry," he said, his eyes twinkling with icy-blue fire.

"Remus, please keep fighting. Please don't give up. You'll be okay. You won't be alone, you have me, don't forget me!" Harry said with so much passion and truth in his voice. Everything he said he meant. He wanted Remus back. He wanted to have more talks with his mentor, more stories, and comfort, knowing he wasn't the only one left behind by Sirius.

Remus stirred again this time, his eyes closing but Harry didn't let go. If it wasn't for Dumbledore helping him, then he would not have had the strength. After a few scary moments for Harry, Remus finally opened his eyes, and he was relieved to see hazel-green instead of the frightening amber color of the wolf.

The werewolf muttered something… something that sounded like, "Sev...rus…."

"You can let go now, Harry!" Dumbledore said as Madame Pomfrey rushed forward. Dumbledore pulled the unconscious Remus out from under the bed. Harry turned around, worried for his guardian, whose eyes were now closed.

"Is he okay?" Harry cried out, his body shaking hard. Severus looked… dead! So pale and lifeless, it terrified him!

Madame Pomfrey levitated the unconscious Severus out of the room to a bed in the hospital wing. Leaving Remus in good hands with Dumbledore, Harry followed her, his heart racing, trying to control his panic. Madame Pomfrey began to check Severus' vitals. She muttered a few complicated healing spells and then spelled several potions into him. After a tense silence, the matron finally said, "he is very weak, Harry, but he will be okay. His magic is strained, so he will have to take it easy for a while."

"And Remus?"

"Remus will be okay. He is asleep. Why don't you sit with Severus for a while?"

Harry nodded. "What about…?" He glanced at a sleeping Narcissa.

Madame Pomfrey casted a silencing charm and a disillusion charm around Severus' bed. "If she wakes, she will only see an empty bed. Don't stay up too long, Harry, if you want you can sleep on one of the beds."

Harry nodded his thanks.

He sat there for twenty minutes, thinking how close he had come to losing Severus. Wondering what he might have done if his new guardian did die, or even Remus. Then he would had been so utterly alone and it made Harry so grateful for these two men in his life. And for once...for the first time since Sirius died, Harry felt happy. Like he had a purpose to live again, because now he had Severus and Remus.

When did this happen? After Sirius died, Harry felt lost. He was ready to just give up and die and then miraculously he had somehow gained a family. And to Harry's disgust, he had realized just how much of a prat he was being by going around acting ungrateful, giving Severus a hard time. Remus will be disappointed once he hears about the things Harry had done and how he had acted this summer. Malfoy was right. Severus really did care for him….

_He adopted me! He must really care for me then…, I have to do better,_ Harry thought. _I don't want to be alone! I have to show him that I care for him too. He is practically my father now…._

Suddenly his guardian stirred. Harry grabbed Severus' hand to let him know that he was there. Tired black eyes squinted at Harry. "Professor?" Harry said softly.

Severus turned his head to him and stared at him for a moment. Harry could see that the Professor was drowsy.

"I'm proud of you, child," Severus muttered before closing his eyes and falling back to sleep.

Harry just stared at him, tears running down his face. Never had he expected something like that from his guardian. Harry never felt worthy enough to have someone say that to him and it meant so much to him. So much that it tore down the last of his walls.

He climbed into Severus' bed, snuggling up against the sleeping Professor. Harry laid his head onto the professor's chest to hear his beating heart. It calmed Harry down. Just like it does during a panic attack and Severus presses Harry against his beating heart. The scent of potions and herbs surrounded Harry, and he never felt so safe in his life.

_Is this what it feels like to have a dad?_ Harry thought, before falling asleep into the warmth and protection of his guardian.

* * *

The first thing Harry felt before he opened his eyes, was someone gently rubbing his back, and the scent of potions and herbs. He snuggled deeper into the blankets, not wanting this moment of security and warmth to wash away.

After a while, once the drowsiness of sleep washed away and Harry became more coherent, did he realize that he was curled up next to his guardian. Severus must be awake, for he was gently rubbing Harry's back, probably trying to wake him.

Harry slowly opened his eyes, indeed finding himself curled up next to Severus' side. Severus slid his arm off Harry's back. Harry sat up blushing, he hadn't meant to fall asleep.

"I'm sorry, sir," he mumbled, moving to sit on the chair.

"There is no need for apologizing," Severus said. "You must had been worried last night."

"I was..., I really thought you were going to… to...," unable to continue, Harry just shook his head. He didn't want to finish that sentence. He didn't want to say that Severus almost died. He felt himself shiver in fear for just thinking of it.

"There is no need to be afraid now," Severus said.

"I know...," Harry shrugged, trying his best not to scratch himself.

Severus placed a trembling hand on Harry's arm, obviously guessing what Harry was trying to not to do. "What is troubling you, child?"

Harry sighed, deciding if he was going to let Severus inside his broken walls, if he was going to have him as a guardian… maybe as a father now, then he might as well give Severus a chance. So he decided to open up completely and take this chance, because as Severus had taught him during their camping trip, life is short. There wasn't time to dwell on things that happened in the past. Harry had to get over the trauma he suffered, the pain he endured as a child, the loss he suffered when losing Sirius and move on. Just live and trust and love again. He didn't want to take that dark path alone, no, he wanted to be happy. He wanted to be loved. He wanted a family. He wanted Severus to be part of his family, he wanted a dad….

"I realized how close you were to dying and how Remus was so close as well. I realized that without you two, I would be truly alone. You are my family now, you and Remus. I know I've made it difficult. I know I've treated you unfairly but it was just hard to trust again after all the crap I've been though. As I sat here last night, waiting for you to wake up, I've realized that I don't want to be alone. I don't want to push people away again. I want to be happy, truly happy and if you're not here to be my adoptive father, then I can't be happy," Harry said, looking at Severus, afraid of the man's response, afraid of rejection, but he had to remain strong. He trusted Severus to not disappointment him.

"You want me as a father?" Severus said. It wasn't really a question, at least to Harry, it didn't sound like one. His voice was raw, tired, but Harry could still feel the emotion behind those words.

Harry nodded looking down, "I do, Severus...," he said softly.

"I would want nothing more than to have you as my son," Severus said softly. Harry looked up and saw tears glistening in those black eyes. Deep black eyes that were once so cold to Harry, now were nothing more than a thing of the past. It was almost hard to believe that Severus Snape was telling Harry that he wanted him. He wanted him as his son.

"Come here, child," Severus said.

Harry was waiting for the invitation. He leaped onto the bed and cuddled up next to Severus, not caring that he was sixteen and too old to cuddle with his guardian. Severus hugged him and again he was surrounded by his guardian's scent, making Harry feel safe and loved. This was what Harry was looking for all along, this is what he craved for. Parental affection. For so long he had been rejected, always kept in the cupboard, always neglected.

"Those words meant so much to me, Harry. I've never felt so proud before until now. You who have gone through so much, and remained strong. I'm so glad that you trust me now, son," Severus said. Harry looked at Severus, surprised at the term of endearment he just used.

"You would think of me as your son?" Harry choked out with emotion.

"Of course, Harry, I've really had grown to care for you over the summer. I know we came off sort of rocky in the beginning and the arguments we had over the years were terrible. We've both done things to each other that are unforgivable, but we were able to push past that and become a family. You have changed the way I viewed life as well, child. I used to crave being alone, hating to socialize or even become close to anyone, but you came along, and I realized that I couldn't live like that anymore. Especially when I realized that I loved you as if you were my own child." Severus paused for a while, looking at Harry who was clinging on to every word he was saying.

"You don't have to call me dad yet," he continued, ruffling Harry's messy hair. "You can still call me Severus. I'm not pressuring you into anything you're not ready for. I'm just letting you know that it is okay if you want too. And I think your father wouldn't mind either. He will be glad that I'm here for you, that you have someone living that you can call your dad, so that you're not alone to bear the prophecy or even life itself. I think he will be okay with this, Harry."

Harry nodded. He was so touched by what Severus said. At the same time, he was amazed that Severus just knew what he was thinking. Yes, a small part of him in his mind was wondering what his real dad would think about this. He didn't want him to think that Severus was replacing him. James Potter would always be Harry's real dad, but right now, Harry needed Severus. And he just hoped that what Severus said was true. He just had to hope….

They were quiet for a few moments after. Just enjoying the others' presence and the idea of being part of a family for the first time in a long time. It was small, but it was still family.

"Is Remus going to be okay?" Harry asked, finally letting go of Severus and taking his seat back on the chair. "What happened?"

"I don't know if you want to hear this, Harry...," Severus said hesitantly.

"Just tell me, please!" Harry pleaded.

"Alright, but I'm leaving certain parts out. As it is Lupin's business and I think maybe he should tell you personally."

Harry nodded.

"You know that Lupin was not himself. You know that his mind was taken over by the wolf."

"Yeah, he wasn't fighting back, was he? He was letting the wolf take over his spirit."

"Exactly, Lupin had given up just like you. He had gone through too much and the ordeal he suffered when he was held captive by Greyback, just threw him over the edge. He lost himself, Harry. So when I arrived at the hospital wing he was under the bed, in full wolf mode. Albus wanted me to use Legilimency and find him. I saw..."

"What did you see?"

"Memories…, memories of his childhood. The times he spent with his friends at school and what he went through with Greyback..., I don't want to go into detail, for it is a violation to go through someone's mind without permission. I had to do it to save him, I already feel guilty, however, it had to be done."

"Don't feel guilty, Severus, you saved him," Harry said.

Severus shook his head, waving away Harry's words. "It was you who saved him. I could not have done it without you, Harry, I was losing him but then he heard your voice. You reminded him why he must be strong, why it was important to keep living."

"Anyone could had done it," Harry shrugged, feeling bashful.

"No, son," Severus frowned. Harry looked up at the Professor, loving the way how that term of endearment made him feel.

"No one could had brought Lupin back. No one, except you." Severus said. "I hope that shows you how much you mean to that werewolf. He loves you very much, and I think that if it weren't for him being a werewolf, then things would had been very different. He probably would've ended up adopting you as soon as your parents died."

Harry nodded. "I'm just glad he is okay, Severus. Do you think Madame Pomfrey would let me see him?"

"Give him a few more days of rest, Harry, he has gone through quite an ordeal, very emotional. Let him sort things out first."

"Okay…," he said.

The Professor closed his eyes and then suddenly his breathing became heavy.

"Severus?"

"Hmm…?" the Professor hummed.

"I love you too," he said shyly.

The Professor opened his eyes and reached out, cupping Harry's face gently. "You've come a long way, child," he said, his voice heavy with exhaustion.

* * *

It had been two days since Severus was stuck here in the hospital wing. Two days bearing the boredom of the hospital wing, to bear the company of only Narcissa and Madame Pomfrey. Severus had made sure Harry and Draco were taken care of. He had sent them to the Burrow, so Molly could look after them. And now Severus was tired of reading, tired of the meaningless conversations with Narcissa. He missed Harry. He missed having the kid around. How did this happen? How did he grow to love that boy like his own son? Life was certainly strange sometimes. He used to hate Harry with a passion the moment he first set eyes on him, but due to the events of this past summer, he had grown to care for Harry enough to help him. And so when he woke up this morning with a certain sleeping teenager cuddled up next him, Severus' heart completely melted. As he held his new son in his arms, Severus felt his cold exterior of pushing people away going away, his wall that he so carefully built to mask his emotions, went down. All for the sake of this child who desperately longed for a family.

Yes, life was strange. For it had brought two people who were alone, who were lost, together to form their own family. And really, Severus couldn't be happier. He didn't even know how he lived before this summer. He couldn't stand the idea of not being alone again.

Then the nagging thought came to mind, freezing his beating heart in dread. How was he supposed to care for Harry and be truthful to him, when he had that terrible task for Albus? How could he have Harry as his son? When knowing in the end, that he was destined to hurt Harry as no other person has hurt him before.

Severus shook his head, getting off the bed, his body shaking from the strength it took. He was so weak from the strain. His magic nearly depleted. His body sapped of its strength. And he wondered if he would ever be magically strong again.

He shakily made his way to the door, intent on finding Albus. He had to tell him the situation. He couldn't do it, he would rather die from Narcissa's unbreakable vow then betray his son. He would rather die with Harry knowing that Severus loved him, than live and kill Albus, betraying Harry, and then possibly dying in the war with his last thoughts on how much Harry hated him. He couldn't lose the boy now, not when he lost so much already.

"Where are you heading off to, Severus?" Albus Dumbledore asked as he entered the hospital wing, the very wizard Severus wanted to see.

"I was going to see you, in fact," Severus said, sitting back down on his bed.

"Where is Narcissa?" Dumbledore asked. "I've come to talk to her about the arrangements of her relocation."

"She is taking a walk outside," Severus snapped. "Albus, I can't do it!"

"Severus...," the headmaster said, with a touch of warning in his voice.

"No, Albus! I can't! I just had a heart to heart with Harry a few days ago and I realized that I would rather die than betray him. I can't hurt him. Not when he is just learning to trust again, this will destroy him!"

"He will be fine, Severus, we all have to sacrifice for the greater good. Harry is not the only one who will be affected by this. Besides, you're not giving him enough credit, he is stronger than you think. I don't want to be bothered by this anymore. You promised and that is all there is too it. You gave me your word and I expect you to keep it!"

"He trusts me, Albus! He is my family now, my son! And you're asking me to do the unthinkable! We are not pawns for you in this war! What you're asking for is too much, and I don't think I can sacrifice my son for you!"

"Severus, you are strong, Harry is strong, and in the end…, you two will have plenty of time to repair what is broken. But first of all, you have to consider that if you don't do what I ask, then there won't be a future for any of us. There won't be a future where you and Harry can have a healthy father-son relationship. Would you really want Harry to live through dark times, Severus? Wouldn't it be better to live in peace of Voldemort?"

Severus sighed in defeat. Albus was right. Damn it, he was right! Severus was being selfish and of course it was all for the greater good! If he didn't complete his task, then there would be no hope of a future. There would be nothing but death and pain. He loved Harry with all his heart and he couldn't subject the boy to that. Harry deserved to live in peace, without war, without darkness and murder. He felt so unbelievably torn. Betray Harry for the greater good or die and let the war continue, leave Harry alone to possibly die at the hands of the Dark Lord.

What Severus only saw, was that in the end, whatever he chose, Harry was going to suffer either way. And he just hoped that in the end, when the time came, Harry would be ready. He will be strong enough to get through it.

Severus sighed and climbed back into bed.

"I'm truly sorry, Severus," Albus said, sounding truly tired and regretful. Severus just closed his eyes, Angry at the headmaster for putting him in this position.

The headmaster soon left, his footsteps fading away as Severus just hoped that Albus was right. That in the end, when all this was over, and he and his son was hopefully still alive, that Severus will be able to fix what was broken. As for now, he just had to fill these days up with as much love and happiness he can give to the child before everything was gone.

**A/N: Another chapter finished! I really hope you enjoyed this one. I'm going to have a hard time waking up in the morning now haha, and if there are typos, I didn't go over it before I posted. I was too excited and sleepy. Its 12am here in California, lol. If there are any mistakes though, let me know and I'll edit it right away cus I have wifi now! =D and check out chapter 1-4, they have been edited and I hope there aren't anymore typos in them.**

**Review Responses!**

**Guest: everything is okay for now, *laughs evilly* =D…but really thanks for reviewing! Reviews really encourage me to keep writing.=)**

**Takingitinstride: Thank you so much! Did you love this chapter as well?=)**


	21. Chapter 21 Anchor

**Chapter Twenty-One – Anchor**

**If there are any mistakes, please let me know! I did not go over it before posting because I'm super late to a small get-together I was invited too!**

_I must be dreaming…._ was the first thought in Remus' mind as he woke. He couldn't remember how he ended up in the hospital wing. The only thing he knew, was that he was not in that cellar anymore. It was strange, he remembered where he was before this. And the faces of Greyback and the Death Eaters, but he could not remember what happened. The only thing he remembered was Kaylie screaming as she changed. The last thing he remembered was pain. After that, his memory was a blank. He closed his eyes, concentrating hard to fill in the blank gaps in his memory. The only thing he had achieved, was Severus Snape's voice. He didn't know why. The Potion Master wasn't at the training camp, he hadn't seen Snape since after Sirius died. Remus couldn't even remember the words Snape was saying in his memory. He just heard his low mutter and persistent black eyes.

_What does this mean?_ he thought.

"Ah, Mr. Lupin, you're awake, I see," Madame Pomfrey said as she came in. "I'm going to do a quick diagnostic spell to see how you are recovering," she said, waving her wand at him. Remus waited quietly for the verdict. He wondered how many days it's been since he was rescued from Greyback's clutches.

"Everything seems to be in order, Remus, although you still have to rest and take some potions until you're in full health again."

"How did I end up here?" he asked the matron as she started to set some potions on his bedside table.

"I don't know the full story. All I can tell you, is who brought you here," she poured a potion into a cup. "Now drink this, dear."

Remus obeyed the matron without question due to spending most of his time here while at school. He knew better than to complain or argue to Madame Pomfrey.

"Who brought me here?" he asked, making a face at the potion.

"Severus brought you."

"Snape?" Remus asked, his heart beating fast. It explained why the Potions Master kept popping up every time he tried to remember what happened.

"How long has it been since the rescue?" he asked.

Madame Pomfrey gave him another potion to drink. "Almost three weeks," she said.

Remus stared at her in shock. "I missed three weeks of my life?" he asked.

"Well, you were unconscious for about five days. You woke up but you were not yourself. The wolf was in control and you weren't fighting it back. So Albus and I had Severus use Legilimency on you to bring you back. That was three days ago." Remus stared at her. What she was saying was not registering in his mind. He couldn't believe it. He couldn't believe that he had been so weak, letting the wolf take over.

_Why do I keep messing up?_ He wondered. _Why do I keep letting the wolf control me? Dad is probably disappointed in me if he is up there watching…_.

Remus felt so guilty. He hated that he was a monster. He hated the animal he was. He rubbed his hands through his long hair, trying to breathe and control the growling wolf inside. It was harder to fight it now. The wolf had gained a sense of independence, of dominance and it was angry that Remus was in charge again.

"I think I need some air, is it alright if I walk outside?"

Madame Pomfrey gave him the last few potions. He drank them all, hoping that she will allow it.

"Let me do another quick check up on you, dear," the matron said as she scanned her wand over his bandaged wounds again. It was quiet for a while as she concentrated with a frown on her face, muttering the diagnostics to herself. "Do you feel dizzy, Remus?"

"No..."

"Any headaches? Sores? Pain?"

"No," Remus muttered.

"Well, I think it will do you some good to get some fresh air." The matron said. "You have only twenty minutes and if you're not back by than, I'll look for you myself."

Remus nodded, "thank you, Madame, I'll be back, I promise."

The matron nodded as she began to clear up.

"Remus, I'm glad to see that you are up," Remus turned towards the doorway to see Albus Dumbledore smiling at him.

"Hello, headmaster," he said.

"I am glad to see you are doing well."

"Thanks you for...for everything," Remus blushed. He wasn't used to asking for help. He always managed to take care of himself ever since his friends died fifteen years ago.

"I'll leave you two, alone," Madame Pomfrey said, vanishing the rest of the empty potion bottles.

She closed the door behind her. A heavy silence filled the room, and Remus busied himself with rearranging his blankets, wondering what the headmaster wanted, at the same time, not really wanting to talk.

"Remus, I wanted to apologize to you," the headmaster said, conjuring up a comfortable looking armchair and sitting beside Remus' bed.

"Apologize?" Remus asked slowly, not understanding what Dumbledore was apologizing for.

"Yes, I was the one who sent you out on that mission, knowing full well the danger you were in. I knew the vendetta Greyback had against your father and how dangerous he was for you."

"You knew this was going to happen...," Remus said quietly, his voice barley containing a hint of anger. He wasn't sure how to feel about this. He couldn't remember everything that had happened. For some peculiar reason, he couldn't help but feel like he wasn't worth living. That he was a monster, a dark creature who should never had been born. So what did it matter that Dumbledore sent the werewolf out on a suicide mission if it was only for the greater good? What did it matter that Remus died as long as he served his purpose in the war. Those thoughts were pretty alarming and scary. And yet Remus could not help but feel them. _What happened?_ He thought. He tried again to remember. No matter how hard he tried though, the only thing that came to mind was Kaylie screaming and Snape with his dark eyes and a gentle touch, bringing to Remus the feeling of safety.

"Remus, it's alright to be angry. I must admit that what I did was wrong. I took advantage of you." Albus insisted, frowning in all seriousness, studying him with those piercing blue eyes. They made Remus feel like he was thirteen again.

"No, forget it, Albus, I understand why you did it. I understand why you sent me on that mission, while knowing about Greyback's' vendetta. It wasn't even entirely your fault, I chose to go, I chose and that is all that matters. And I was stupid to believe that I would make it back safe. I've always known about Greyback, I knew what I was doing and the danger I was putting myself in," Remus answered, forcing all the anger away, trying to understand why the headmaster had done what he did.

"And I had to do something after Sirius... after he died... the mission took my mind off of him."

"And that is another thing I'm apologizing for. I knew you were in a vulnerable state. I should not have asked you to go on that mission after Sirius died. You were grieving. Of course you'll put yourself in danger."

Remus cringed at those words. "It's all in the past now, let's just forget it" he said, wanting to change the subject. He didn't want to remember Sirius. He didn't want to remember him falling, dying and disappearing. No more was he going to see those blue eyes or hear his laugh or just talk to him.…

"Remus? Where did you go?" the headmaster gave him a gentle nudge.

Remus shook his head shaking away his morbid thoughts. "I'm sorry, headmaster. I…."

"Just got lost in your thoughts? Don't worry, understandable, dear boy, why I find myself lost in my thoughts every now and then. It doesn't hurt to have a good brainstorm now and again does it?"

Remus nodded at his words.

"I'm here to make it up to you, Remus, I'm here to offer you a position."

"What kind of position?" Remus asked.

"I want you teach Defense against the Dark Arts again."

"But everyone knows I'm a werewolf." Remus said. "No one in their right mind would want a werewolf to teach their children. And besides, I don't think I'm in any shape to do it right now."

"Leave the parents and the school board to me. All I want you to worry about right now is your recovery and preparations for the next school year," Albus smiled. "Rest now, and by September you will be strong again."

"Albus, I don't want to be much trouble, those parents are going to turn really nasty towards you. I'm not worth the trouble."

"Of course you're worth the trouble, Remus, why do you think I gave you a chance to attend this school all those years ago?"

Remus shrugged, pulling his eyes away from the old wizard. He always wondered about that himself, in fact.

"When I first met you and gave you your first Hogwarts letter, I was skeptical at first, I will admit. But when I saw how much potential and how smart and thoughtful you were, I knew I had to give you a chance. I would had destroyed you if I had given you your letter. It is one of the decisions I will never regret making all those years ago. For now you are one of the most talented, formidable wizards I know. You are also an excellent teacher, Remus, and I will not let the mere fact of you changing into a wolf once every month, hinder you from what you love to do. The students need you, and I would want you to be here for them at the end of the year."

"What do you mean I have to be here for them? What's happening in the end of the year?" Remus asked eyeing the headmaster suspiciously.

"Finals and their exams, Remus, like I've said nothing to worry about. So will you take the position?"

Thinking about what was said, Remus nodded in defeat. The headmaster was right. Teaching was what Remus loved to do and here was a chance to do it again. He would be stupid to not take the chance.

"Excellent, now I will leave you to rest. The Defense office is all yours once Madame Pomfrey releases you," he placed the classroom and office keys on the nightstand.

"Enjoy your walk, Remus."

* * *

The air was warm; the night sky clear as Remus walked around the black lake, leaning on a cane that Madame Pomfrey made him take. His body still felt sore and battered. The walk to the lake had tired him out already. Remus tried not to worry at how weak he was feeling. He only hoped that he will be stronger in time for the impending war that threatened the wizarding society. Limping slightly around the lake, he wondered about the position Dumbledore had offered him and why. What did the old headmaster mean by saying the students will need him at the end of the year? His words sounded too serious for that to only mean final exams. No, something was going on…. Dumbledore was planning something and he could already feel the storm of the upcoming battle approaching. It was those words that what made him take the position, if Dumbledore said that the students will need Remus, then so be it, he will help his students until the end.

He couldn't help but realize how beautiful the night was. The moon not yet full, was so bright it pulled at Remus' senses. The wolf inside longed to be free, but it was not as dominant tonight as when Remus first woke up a few hours ago. He was finally able to regain some control again. The warm breeze ruffled his hair and the scent of earth surrounded him. Remus inhaled deeply, thinking of the freedom he once had with his friends, as they roamed the Hogwarts grounds as animals. Then suddenly, without warning, a memory of the past month resurfaced. He started to breathe heavily. Kaylie's voice rang in his ears. Her screams turned into howls. And the urge to kill was bursting inside Remus until the memory faded away. Remus leaned against the tree, finding it hard to stand. He was a killer, a monster. He didn't deserve to be alive. He didn't deserve to be standing here near the lake under the tree, feeling the scents of the water and earth washing over him. He didn't deserve none of this.

The dark waters was still and smooth like glass. It would be easy to just jump in and stay underwater. To drown his thoughts and crimes, until he sank to the bottom, lost in its shadowy blue depths, but Remus knew that would be taking the cowardly way out. And besides, he made a promise to Sirius….

"Enjoying your stroll, Lupin? Does Madame Pomfrey know you're out here?"

A sarcastic voice broke Remus out of his morbid thoughts.

"I could say the same to you, Snape." Remus rasped trying to sound nonchalant.

"Three days was enough for my body to recover." Snape said, eyeing him up and down, glaring at his face expression.

"And your magic?" Remus asked avoiding the Potions Master's searching black eyes.

Severus replied smoothly, "it will strengthen in time. It's nothing I can't handle."

Heart still beating rapidly, still shaken by Kaylie's fate. Remus slid down against the tree, unable to stand anymore.

Snape just stood where he was, not moving to help him.

He buried his face in his knees. _I killed her…, _he thought_. I killed her…._

"Pull yourself together, Lupin!" Snape snarled. The impatient tone from the wizard brought Remus back, his heart rate began to return to normal and he lifted his head.

"I'm sorry…," he said. "I …tell me that you found a girl when you rescued me."

Snape frowned and shook his head. "She didn't make it," was all he said.

Remus felt tears burn in the back of his eyes. He refused to let them go. _Not in front of this man, not in front of him…._

It was silent for a few moments, until Snape turned to leave, "you better start heading back to castle, wolf," he said.

"I want to thank you, Severus." Remus began, only because he didn't feel ready to go back just yet. "Thank you for getting me out of there and…."

"There's no need, Lupin, I just did what I had to do, so don't go wasting your breath on meaningless words," Snape interrupted him with a scowl and a shake of his head, as if he were shrugging off some bothersome fly.

"They are not meaningless!" Remus said. "You saved my life countless times this past month. I am deeply in your debt now. Especially the way my friends and I treated you when we were teenagers, you easily could had turned away. I would had understood, but you chose to save me, so I am willing to waste my breath if only to apologize."

"I'm not one to turn my back on someone who is in danger. You should take a leaf out of my book, Lupin!" Severus snapped as he turned away again to leave. "You better start heading back before they catch you being a disobedient mutt!"

Those words stung Remus. He didn't say anything in return, he did not let himself get too angry. After all, it was Snape who said it. The man had a temper and he expected those words from him. _But why does it hurt so much?_

"Severus, I don't…, can you just stay with me for a while?" Remus had no idea why he was asking this of the Potions Master. Especially when Snape seemed to despise Remus' presence. It was just a feeling inside of him to call out to the man.

The retreating Potions Master turned around slowly, glaring at him.

"Can we just talk for a while, I know you hate me and probably have better things to do, but I just need to forget, I need to be distracted..."

Snape studied him with those dark eyes. Remus felt himself flush under that mysterious dark stare. "Distracted from the memories?" he slowly said, his voice deep and full of understanding that was hidden underneath the scorn.

Remus frowned at the new memory of Kaylie and nodded.

The Potions Master stood over him. "I'm not your therapist, if that's what you're wanting."

"No, I'm not asking you to listen to me about what happened," Remus said.

"Then what do you want, Lupin?" Severus growled.

"Just be my friend for a few moments?" Remus whispered, afraid to look at Snape's reaction. It was strange to somehow depend on this man for comfort and friendship when throughout their teenage years Snape was always the target of his friends' pranks. But things were different now. No more was Snape that skinny dark teenager who was involved in the dark arts, no more was Remus a coward, afraid to stand up to his friends. No, they were both different, changed from the war years ago and the aftermath. Changed from the present upcoming war and the burdens they bare upon their shoulders, the losses they suffered and the pain they endured.

Severus looked taken aback, like the very idea of him being Remus' friend disgusted him._ And it should,_ Remus thought. _He sees the monster I am, he knows how dangerous I can be._

"You know, Severus, I wasn't in on that prank all those years ago, but I still feel guilty. I could had hurt you or turned you, even though it was Sirius' plan, the fault was entirely mine."

"Spare me the pity," Severus said sarcastically. To Remus' surprised though, he sat down next to him on the grass. Remus tried his best to not look surprise and grateful that he chose to keep him company.

Remus just tossed a stone into the lake, "you don't have to forgive me. Just know that it was a mistake and they should not have treated you like that."

Snape snorted, "Then why didn't you do anything to stop them?"

Remus shrugged_. Because I was a coward, afraid to lose them as friends, afraid to be alone, afraid to realize that I'm not human…._ He so badly wanted to say those words, to make Snape understand. But they were caught in his throat and couldn't choke them out.

"Why did you let them torment me? You disapproved of their antics. You knew what they were doing was wrong and yet you turned a blind eye! You are no better than Harry's aunt!" Severus shouted.

"What do you mean I'm no better than Harry's aunt?" Remus shouted. "I am nothing like Lily's sister. Lily was always in tears because of that woman!"

"Petunia Evans caused her sister pain, and she ignored her nephew when he was getting hurt just like how you ignored me when I was being tormented!" Severus shouted.

Remus looked at him, taken aback buy those words. He shook his head, feeling remorseful for his cowardly actions as a teenager.

"Severus I'm… look we were all just stupid kids. And what are you saying about Harry?"

"When you're done with your pity party here, go and visit the boy yourself!" Snape shouted, instantly standing up as if it burned him to be so near Remus.

"Where are you going?" Remus asked in alarm. He didn't want the Potions Master to leave. He didn't want to be in anyone's company and he didn't want to be alone either. He couldn't figure out why and the memories were now coming back from his time with Greyback.

Memories forcing their way in, forcing him to relive what happened and he couldn't handle it alone. He needed an anchor to hold him down so he wouldn't fall and before he knew it he was holding on to Snape's arm.

The words _dark_ _creature, monster,_ all the names he was called, the pain he went through hurting him physically and mentally was all coming back.

"Don't go," he whispered. "Please..."

Snape looked down at the werewolf. His cold black eyes seemed to be surveying the werewolf, piercing him with those soulless cold tunnels, as if he were reading his mind. Remus wondered if he was. He wished he can somehow block the chaotic emotions and memories, but he couldn't. Not against those eyes. For a second, Snape's eyes seemed to soften, but then they grew hard again, and he ripped his arm away from the werewolf's grasp**.**

"Get away from me, wolf! We have never been friends and we shall never be friends!" he snarled, ignoring Remus' hurt look and walked away.

* * *

Severus was fuming. The nerve of that wolf! To bring up hurtful childhood memories and apologize! Apologizing for his friends' actions but not taking the blame onto himself also! _He let those idiots torture me! He just sat there with his nose in a book while I was bullied! And he dares to act so noble and kind as if apologizing to me was the noblest, greatest act ever! The nerve of that man!_ Severus ranted in his head as he stalked through the corridors, casting murderous glares at every direction. He didn't dare think about how he almost reached out to the wolf. How he almost wanted to comfort him as he watched him remember what happened under Greyback's clutches. He can still see the pain on Lupin's face, in his mind, making Severus angrier. _Why do I care if he is upset? He is not my bloody problem!_ Severus thought as he finally reached Albus' office.

"That wolf has to go!" Severus shouted, as he barged into the headmaster's office, not bothering to knock or announce his arrival. He was too upset to act polite!

"Severus, a pleasure to see you, I was just going to pay you visit in fact!" Albus smiled from behind his desk.

Severus stopped dead in furious pacing. "Why?"

"I was just going to inform you that you will not have to take over the Dark Arts position after all."

Severus grew livid. He didn't know why. This was no surprise, they had talked about giving the werewolf the position, and of course he was upset about it but he didn't let it show. But after what had just happened, now that the mere sight of the wolf irritated him to no end, Severus was not going to hold back his anger and annoyance any longer.

"You're giving that werewolf the position! Albus, I've waited years for that position and you just cast me away like some dunderhead first year and give it to Lupin! Don't you remember how well that went three years ago?"

"Severus, you were perfectly fine with this idea. What has changed your mind so suddenly?"

"That werewolf is a fool, Albus, and if you can't see it, then you're a fool too. He had the audacity to apologize for his friends' actions but not apologize for his own! As if what he did was right! Nothing is worse than doing nothing to help a person who is in pain! Nothing! That wolf just let those idiots torture me, Albus! I won't have him here in this castle! Not with my son!"

Albus' eyes twinkled to Severus' displeasure. "Severus, you just have to learn to trust me. Just like when I had you take in Harry, you were doubtful it would work. And now look how you are with him now. The same thing applies for Remus. Just give him another chance, and with your monthly brew of wolfsbane, I trust that Remus will be alright here."

"How can you expect me to trust you, Albus? How? Especially with what you're making me do?"

"You just have to trust me."

Severus glared at him, his hands balled into fists and shaking.

"Severus, why do you care so much of what Remus says? If you truly hated him, then his empty apologies would mean nothing to you. Instead I can see that his words has shaken you. Why do you care so much?"

Severus thought of his words. He couldn't understand what he meant by those or even think up an etiquette response. So he ended up just taking a leaf out of Harry's book and said, "I don't bloody care about that werewolf, Albus!" he shouted, turning around to leave the office, he could feel the stupid twinkling blue eyes behind him and the knowing smile, but he chose to ignore that, slamming the door hard behind him. He stalked back to his quarters, vowing to himself that he will never think about bloody Remus Lupin or analyze the words and actions of Albus Dumbledore when it concerned that wolf!

**A/N: So here is another chapter! Sorry for the late update I got caught up in the holidays and my finals. Now that I'm on vacation, hopefully I will be able to finish this story! I hope you all had a Merry Christmas and happy holidays to everyone! I was really surprised and happy to receive a lot of new followers. Thank you for reading my story and please tell me what you think about this chapter! =)**

**-Chase'sGirl19**

**Review Responses!**

**Bluewater5: **Yeah but Harry is only a teen, he does trust too easily. And yeah I thought about having Snape just telling Harry but I thought it would give more to write about if that didn't happen ha-ha. Keep reading!=)

**GryffindorGangster: **Thank you for reading my story! I hope to hear from you again. And keep reading! Maybe in the end you will like Snape haha.

**Laurenmk20: **Yes I know but Severus has a lot of respect for Dumbledore. He knows Dumbledore is the one who is going to pull the wizarding world out of this war. And you know Harry and Severus will never live a happy life until Voldemort is dead =( so Severus is just going to have to trust the man. Thanks for reviewing! =)

**Guest: **Thanks for your review! I hope you enjoyed this chapter!

**PotterGirl11:** Thank you so much!=)

**Sakraprace: **Thank you so much for your reviews! And Sev has his reasons to not tell Harry, one being he promised Dumbledore. I guess we will have to wait to find out.

**mindless: **because Severus Snape is a very complicated man haha

**TLJ110166: **Thank you for the correction, I will look over chapter one again. =)


	22. Chapter 22 Conversations and Losing Frie

**Chapter Twenty-Two - Conversations and Losing Friends**

Severus was dreaming. He had to be dreaming for he was floating in darkness. It was the kind of darkness where it blinded you, and you could not even tell if your eyes were open or close. Then a small hand closed around his own, smaller than his and soft. Hazel-green eyes were in front of him and a whispered, "Severus," breathed close to his ear, making him shiver with not fear but pleasure.

Severus opened his eyes, the waking world bringing him out of that mysterious dream. Stretching and rubbing his face with his hands, he decided to not even think about what, or should he say, whom that dream was about. For that very person still irritated him to no end.

_I dreamed of the mutt because I went to bed angry at him. Nothing more, that dream meant nothing._ He told himself as he got out of bed, figuring he might as well pick up Harry and Draco today. It had been four days since Severus was weakened by using Legilimency for so long. His body felt stronger, and he wasn't taking random naps at odd hours of the day anymore. His magic was a different story. Even though it still wasn't back to its full potential, for his spells were still weak, Severus can feel it growing stronger every day.

After a strong cup of tea, Severus found himself shouting, "The Burrow!" into his sitting room fireplace. Green flames engulfed him until he was speeding through the fireplaces, catching glimpses of a few wizarding homes, until he was stepping out into the Burrow. Green flames surrounded him for a few moments before slowly disappearing. Severus was brushing the soot off his robes, when suddenly, he was attacked by a rambunctious messy black-haired teen.

"Severus!" Arms were wrapped tight around his waist, causing him to forget his bad mood and the cause of it, as he smiled down at his new son.

"How are you, child?" he chuckled, noticing the dirt on Harry's clothes and his firebolt on the floor.

Harry lifted up his head, arms still wrapped around Severus' waist.

"I've been playing nothing but Quidditch since I got here! But I still missed you every day. Are you here to pick me up?"

Severus nodded, "that explains the state of your clothes," he said. "And am I right to assume, that your still not bored of the sport by now?"

"Me, bored of Quidditch? Never!" Harry laughed.

Severus chuckled again and ruffled the teen's hair. "I'm glad you had a good time. Go find Draco and tell him to get his stuff ready as well, I'm taking you boys back to Hogwarts."

"Okay, Sev! And Mrs. Weasley is in the kitchen!" Harry pulled away from Severus and ran outside in search of Draco.

Severus walked into the kitchen, finding Molly inside, cooking breakfast for her family. He leaned against the doorway, folding his arms against his chest. "How were the boys?" he asked.

"Severus! Nice to see you!" Molly turned and smiled. "The boys were angels. Tea?"

Knowing he shouldn't accept, for he had already drank a big cup before he left. In the end, Severus just chose to ignore himself and accept another cup of tea.

Molly handed him his warm cup of strong tea. _Parenting is making me addicted to caffeine,_ he thought as he sat down. Molly sat across from him, "how are you feeling?" she asked.

"Better, not as tired anymore."

"And your magic?"

"I can feel it growing stronger every day. By September it should be back to its full potential."

"That's good, Severus, I'm so glad that you are returning to full health again. I think it helps that you have Harry also. I can see a change in that boy now. I'm so glad you took him in, for whatever you're doing to help him, I can see it is working."

"Thank you, Molly. I do still feel like I'm making mistakes most of the time."

"You always feel like you're making mistakes, Severus, that is what parenting is. No parent is perfect. We just have to trust in ourselves that we are doing the right thing and we are doing the best that we can."

"I hope I am," Severus said as he sipped cautiously at his tea.

"You're doing a wonderful job. Harry is now more outspoken, happy, he smiles more." Molly said. "As long as that boy is happy, then you're doing okay."

Severus thought about her words, instantly feeling better and less doubtful of how he was raising Harry. What would he do without the Weasleys, and their good parenting advice?

"Mum!" Ronald Weasley burst in through the kitchen door, the door slamming open against the outside wall. Severus and Molly instantly stood up; their wands out and ready.

"Ronald!" Molly said, hurrying to her son.

"What has happened?" Severus demanded, fear rising up in his throat; he refused to let it paralyze him. _Please don't let it be Harry or Draco...please…._

"It's Harry! He fell off his broom, there was someone in the trees!"

"Damn!" Severus shouted and bolted out the door towards the orchard; running faster than he ever ran in his life to get to his son.

Once he got to the orchard, the only thing he saw at first was the Weasley children and Draco huddled around. He shoved past them to get to Harry, who was lying on the floor. His eyes were closed and his breathing was deep.

_Why did I send him back out? I should had kept him with me and called for Draco myself!_

"What happened?!" he shouted. He wanted a better explanation than Ron's.

He sat down and pulled Harry's head onto his lap.

"He's stunned, I think. We were just playing Quidditch and then Harry flew up on his broom and was flying towards Draco. Before we knew it, a green spell flew straight at him. Draco pushed him out of the way and then there was another spell, and it hit him, and he fell off his broom!" Ginny explained, her face pale and holding Harry's hand in fear.

"How high up was he!"

"About 30 ft.!" one of the twins said. Draco nodded in agreement, pale and scared looking.

"Severus, what happened?" The Weasleys were both running with Ron behind them.

"The wards have been breached! Someone was attacking the children from the trees!"

"Fred, George, show us the direction!" Arthur shouted and the group of Weasleys went off to look for the intruder. The Weasleys twins flying through the trees on their brooms with their wands out.

Severus waved his wand over Harry, learning that he was in fact, stunned. "Enervate," he muttered. Hoping his magic was strong enough for the spell. Severus watched as the boy slowly woke up with a frown.

"Sev?" Harry muttered hoarsely. "What happened?"

"Stay down for a while, Harry," Severus said gently, laying him back down. "You had a pretty bad fall."

"Sev! Someone was in the trees! They were firing spells!" Harry said.

"Don't worry, Molly, Arthur, and the twins are out searching. Just stay here for a few moments." He smoothed the boy's hair and scanned another diagnostic spell, which he learned from Madame Pomfrey. It was weak but it worked. Severus frowned, "You have a concussion. How are you feeling?"

"I have a headache." Harry mumbled turning over slowly. "Harry, stay still…."

Severus didn't get to finish his sentence, for the child suddenly vomited on the grass.

"Harry!" Ginny said. She knelt down and rubbed his back.

"I got to get you to the hospital wing!" Severus said. "Draco, fly ahead, grab your stuff and Harry's and meet me by the fireplace. Draco nodded, hopped on Harry's Firebolt, and sped towards the Burrow. Severus lifted Harry into his arms and stood up.

"Sev, no I can walk!" Harry protested weakly. Severus ignored him and started walking as fast and carefully as he can to the Burrow. Ron and Ginny following behind them; carrying their brooms and Draco's.

By the time he arrived, Draco was packed and ready. "Is he going to be okay?" the Slytherin asked.

Severus nodded, "I just got to get him to Madame Pomfrey. She can cure him in a minute."

Draco looked relieved, "hang in there, Potter," he said.

Harry mumbled something, Severus couldn't hear him. He looked down and noticed him closing his eyes. "No, stay awake, son!" Severus said.

"Why? I'm tired." Harry complained in a sleepy voice.

"No, I want you to tell me and Ron about the wonski feint thing you like so much."

"Okay, well…, it's a move for seekers and," Harry continued.

"Keep talking to him," he said to Ron, who nodded and started conversing with Harry. Severus gave some floo powder to Draco. "Go first, quickly and run to Madam Pomfrey. Tell her what has happened, then I want you to find Professor Dumbledore and alert him on what has happened. Do you understand?"

Draco nodded and threw the floo powder into the fireplace and shouted, "Snape's office, Hogwarts!" and disappeared through the green flames.

Ginny grabbed some floo powder, "I'll throw it in for you, Professor," she said. "Please let us know that he is okay, as soon as you can!" she said, her eyes shining with tears, but her face showed that she was trying to remain brave for Harry.

"I will, don't you worry. I want you two to stay here and lock the door. Have your wands out until your parents and the twins are back. Do you understand?" he said, shifting Harry gently in his arms. "I'll come back in an hour to check on you." The children nodded. "You'll be okay, mate," Ron smiled, who was busy trying to keep Harry in conservation so he wouldn't fall asleep.

"Snape's office, Hogwarts!" Ginny shouted as she threw floo into the fireplace, the green flames surrounded Severus and Harry. And he felt himself go through the floo network with Harry in his arms to Hogwarts.

* * *

"What happened to Harry?" Lupin shouted, rushing over to Harry's bedside as Severus laid him gently down on the mattress and covered him up with a blanket. "Stay awake just a little longer," Severus whispered to him.

"He fell off his broom," Severus said tonelessly, not meeting the werewolf's eyes, nor even looking at him. Just the very presence of the werewolf made him angry and numb, causing his heart to beat faster than usual. He was instantly reminded of his dream, of those hazel-green eyes tinged with gold, of a soft hand and a whisper, so gentle it made Severus want to never let go of the hand. Severus mentally berated himself to stop. He couldn't think about that dream or what it meant! Not now or ever!

Madame Pomfrey hurried to Harry's bed with a potion in her hand. "Draco just informed me.I had him floo straight to Albus' office, Severus." She handed Harry the potion. "I can't believe someone would just attack a group of children in broad daylight!"

Harry looked at the potion.

"Drink it, dear, it's for your concussion. It will heal it in a minute."

Harry sipped it cautiously at first. With Severus' stern look, he downed the rest of the potion and handed back Madame Pomfrey the empty vile.

"How do you feel, Harry?" Lupin asked. Harry looked at him and shrugged, "fine."

Severus frowned he knew that trick from Harry. _The I'm not telling you anything_ act.

Severus sighed. Of course he wasn't going to trust the wolf after everything that's happen. Severus put his hand on the child's shoulder. "Tell us how you feel," he asked again with a hint of authority in his voice, showing Harry that he better not lie.

"I'm okay, feeling better, but tired." Harry said, not looking at Lupin who frowned at Harry's distant behavior.

"It's safe for you to get some sleep now," Madame Pomfrey said after performing another diagnostic scan on Harry. "Make sure he gets some sleep, Severus." She handed him a small potion of Dreamless Sleep. "I'm going to see if Albus needs anything before I check in on the Weasley children for you."

Severus nodded his thanks, before the medi-witch disappeared through the hospital wing doors.

"Can you stay with me, Sev?" Harry asked. Severus looked at his young charge who looked tired and beaten up. His heart went out to him so he pulled up a chair and sat down. "Just until you fall asleep."

"We are both here for you, cub." Lupin said gently.

Harry smiled at the werewolf. "You're finally awake," he said.

Lupin nodded, "yes, and I'm not going anywhere. I'm here for you now."

Harry looked at him shyly for a while, glancing briefly at Severus, he then leaned over and gave the werewolf a hug. Seeing the two hugging each other ignited a spark of rage inside Severus. How dare the werewolf hug Harry and act all concern, when in reality, he left Harry to deal with his grief on his own! Severus was taken over by parental instinct to protect his son, he glared at Lupin, his eyes landing on the werewolf for the first time. He glared at him so darkly, that the werewolf got the message that if he hurt Harry, then Severus was going to hex him into oblivion.

Remus and Harry finally let go. Harry laid back down and Lupin asked, "What happened? How did you get a concussion?"

"I don't really remember. The Weasleys, Draco, and I were all out in the orchard. I was flying towards Draco to tell him that Severus was here to pick us up."

"Draco? Malfoy's kid?"

Harry nodded, "yeah, he's been staying with me and Sev."

"You and Sev?" Lupin frowned glancing at Severus who was still giving him his death stare.

"Yeah... it's a long story, Remus." Harry said.

Remus shook his head, "its fine you can tell me about that some other time. Just tell me how you got hurt."

"Okay, so I was flying to Draco when a spell shot out through the trees. Draco flew towards me and pushed me out of the way. My broom was spinning in the air, cus of the push, and I couldn't dodge the other spell. That's all I remember, until I woke up on the ground and Severus was with me."

"You were stunned, child," Severus said. They both turned their eyes on him. "We were lucky it wasn't anything else."

"Did you find out who it was?" Lupin asked.

"I don't know. Arthur, Molly and the twins went to search for the attacker. I didn't stay long to find out."

"You don't remember seeing anyone, Harry?" Severus asked. Harry shook his head. "No, it happened too fast."

"That's okay, cub, we will see what the Weasleys have to say," Lupin said. "You really should get some rest now."

Severus glared at the werewolf again, he was sick of him being here, acting all concerned for Harry.

"Lupin, are you even allowed to be out of bed!" Severus snapped before he can stop himself.

Harry glared at Severus. "Leave him alone, Sev!" he said.

Severus shook his head and scowled. He handed Harry the dreamless sleep potion. "Get some sleep, son, this should help you," he said, not missing the surprised and confused look Lupin shot at him at the word _son_.

Harry held on to Severus' arm tightly, not letting go. "Stay…," he whispered.

"Until you fall asleep," Severus said.

Harry nodded, still holding on to him as he drank the potion. Severus can see that the teen was fighting sleep but after a few moments, he was fast asleep. Severus stayed there for a while, until his arm grew numb and he gently pulled it away and pulled the covers closer to sleeping his son, avoiding Lupin's gaze the whole time; the air was so tense and heavy.

"Do you have a staring problem, wolf? Severus snapped in annoyance.

Lupin frowned, his eyes now on the sleeping Gryffindor.

"I missed a lot since I've been gone haven't I?"

"You should had stayed with him instead of going off on that useless mission!" Severus snapped.

Lupin flinched at Severus' words, who smirked in satisfaction for succeeding in causing the werewolf to hurt.

"Harry wasn't the only person who lost him that night," Lupin whispered.

"Exactly! He wasn't!" Severus snapped, _this wolf can't get anymore idiotic?_

"You both lost him! Lupin! Both of you! And he needed you! He need you to talk to him and tell him how you were affected too, and how much you cared for Sirius!" Severus shouted. "He needed you and you weren't there! Instead you decided to go on some pointless suicide mission, knowing full well you could be killed. And you did not stop to think that you would be leaving Harry behind! You didn't stop to think how it would affect him if he lost you too!"

Harry suddenly stirred in his sleep. Forcing Severus to pause in his ranting. He gently ran his fingers through Harry's hair, until the boy turned on his stomach and fell back to sleep. Once Severus was sure the child was fast sleep, he stood up and grabbed the werewolf by the arm, dragging him to his personal room in the hospital wing. Severus closed the door behind them, casting a silencing spell around the room so they wouldn't wake up Harry.

"Severus, I know what I did was selfish," Lupin said.

"Yes, selfish, Lupin! Selfish and idiotic and cowardly! Do you even know the mental state he was in, when I was sent by Albus to check up on that kid?"

Lupin frowned, looking guilty and sad. "Was it that bad?"

"Of course it was bad, you stupid wolf! You left him to deal with his grief on his own! I found him depressed, abused and he was fucking cutting himself!" Severus shouted. "If I haven't checked on him that night, that boy could had died either by his uncle's hands or by his own!"

"Severus, I had no idea it would affect him like that. I left because I thought he would be better off without me." Lupin said. "And what are you saying? His uncle was beating him! He was cutting himself?!"

"Listen to me, Lupin! I want you to listen, because like I said earlier, if I had not come that night to check on him, he would had died. And it would had been your fault!" Severus was shouting again. "I had to take him in and earn his trust. Do you have any idea how stubborn Harry is? I had to help him though his grief and depression, and get him to open up, and made sure he stopped cutting himself. Everything that I've done for the boy this past summer, it should had been you. Harry was counting on you and you failed him."

Remus sunk down on his bed. His eyes shining with tears, slowly falling down his face. And Severus instantly regretted for yelling at him, for making the wolf feel bad. If the wolf haven't done what he did, then Severus would never have had the chance to get to know Harry. He would never had gained a family and he didn't want Lupin to think that taking on Harry was a burden to Severus.

"Look, Lupin… I was a bit harsh. I...Harry is in good hands now. Even though it took a lot of effort to care for him, I wouldn't have it any other way. I love him like a son now. We are kind of forming are own little family now. I know you'll always be a part of Harry's life, to my displeasure, if he allows it, then you can always visit and spend time with him, but only on my terms. And if he is ever hurt by you, then I will provoke any privileges of you seeing him!"

The wolf glared at him, "What gives you the right to have a say in who spends time with Harry?"

"I'm his guardian now."

Lupin looked at him in shock, "so Harry isn't with the Dursleys anymore?"

Severus shook his head, "I had them transfer their guardianship to me. As soon as I receive the certificate in a matter of days, then it is official that Harry is my son and I'm his guardian or even father once he gets used to the idea."

"I can't believe this is real. It explains how he was with you before…." He ran his fingers through his golden hair, trying to get used to all that he learned. He looked up and glared at Severus with those eyes that made Severus' legs go numb. _Stop thinking about the dream! _He berated himself.

"You hated him! What made you have a change of heart?"

"I got past seeing James Potter over the summer and got to know the person Harry is. He is more like Lily in fact."

Lupin nodded, "I see her every time in him." He wiped his tears away, "forgive me, Severus. I was a fool, a bloody fool and everything you said was true. You're the only one who had the decency to even tell it to my face and I thank you. For now on, I promise I'll be there for Harry. I'll help you care for him, I may not be able to provide anything physically due to my low income and condition, but I promise if Harry ever needs to talk or hang out, I'll be there."

"That's all I want from you, to talk to the child and be there for him. Everything else, you can leave to me. I'm not the one you should even be apologizing to right now, save it for Harry."

"Once he wakes, I'll will talk to him," Remus said.

"I very well hope so!" Severus snapped.

"Please tell me more about what happened after I left. You said Harry was being abused and cutting himself?!"

"His uncle was beating him," Severus frowned, not really sure if Harry would want Lupin to know.

He figured Lupin did have a right to know, so he sighed and told Lupin everything they went through this past summer, and the habit Harry had fallen under. Once he was done, Lupin was shaking in rage, hackles raising and he could see the shadow of the wolf on his face. He wouldn't be surprised if there were gold flecks in his eyes.

"I'm going to kill that bastard!" Lupin shouted, pacing the floor angrily.

"There's no need, I've already dealt with Dursley!" Severus scowled in annoyance. "Would you calm down, Lupin!"

Lupin stopped pacing and turned towards the window. He was quiet now. Severus fought the urge to turn him around, and ask what he was thinking about. To look in those eyes and lose himself in the swirl of hazel and green, like the forest. _Why do I keep having these thoughts about him? What's wrong with me?_ He thought in disgust.

"I'm giving you my blessing, Severus, as the last Marauder alive. Judging on what you've said, the state Harry was in, and what I've seen between you two, Harry needs you. He loves you, I can tell, by how he doesn't hold back his feelings when you ask him how he is doing. And the way he clung on to you…. I can't offer him as much as you can, but I promise I'll be there for him like an uncle, or even a godfather, if he is okay with that. I'll also talk to him about Sirius' death as soon as I can, that way he knows he isn't alone."

"Nice speech, Lupin, but like I've already said, don't waste your breath on empty words to me. Tell them to Harry and prove that what you are saying is true to him. Prove it to Harry, then you will have a place in this family. I may not like you, Lupin, but I'm willing to tolerate you for the sake of my son."

"Your son? That's hard to hear... but I'll get used to it."

Severus rolled his eyes and left the room without another word. He had wasted enough time conversing with that stupid werewolf for today.

* * *

Remus found himself sitting between Nymphadora Tonks and Kingsley Shacklebolt. They were all currently in an Order meeting, which was taking place inside the room behind the staff table in the Great Hall. They were all talking about what just happened that very morning. Harry had been attacked, and they were trying to figure out who was behind it. The Weasley twins described everything that happened. How Draco Malfoy shoved Harry away, but wasn't able to dodge the second spell. How the Weasleys searched the whole orchard but the culprit was gone, not a trace behind. Everyone was now currently in several arguments on who it could be.

"Are you sure it wasn't Narcissa Malfoy!" Mad-Eye shouted to Dumbledore. "You let that woman inside the castle, whose son happened to be there during the attack!"

"I can assure you on Draco's behalf, he had nothing to do with it!" Severus snarled at the old Auror. "You should had seen the boy. He was frightened at the thought of Harry being hurt."

"And he saved Harry from the first spell," George added. "We've been spending time with Malfoy and he's an okay bloke."

"You guys are fools for trusting those Malfoys, even if they seem alright to you, you all forget about constant vigilance!" a couple of the members agreed with Made-Eye, some shook their heads in disagreement.

"What do you think, Lupin?" Mad-Eye asked, Remus tried not to blush from being put under the spotlight. "I think someone is after Harry. Someone close to us, to have gone through the wards without setting them off. I don't think Draco had anything to do with it. As for Narcissa, however, I wouldn't blame you if you didn't trust her."

"So you're saying it could be Narcissa scheming without Draco knowing?" Tonks asked.

Remus nodded, "It sounds like something she would do."

Everyone was talking again at once. Remus felt someone staring at him. He looked up and noticed Severus from where he was standing, talking to Albus and Minerva. His black eyes were indeed on him. Remus locked gazes with him, curiously wondering why the Potions Master was looking at him. Severus looked away, keeping his eyes on Albus this time. It was strange, Remus sensed hatred coming off from Severus the other day, but today, it was something else… Severus no longer hated him. He just seemed annoyed at Remus every time they crossed paths. Remus wondered what that meant. Maybe he was trying to accept Remus being in his life. After all, they were linked together through Harry. Severus must know that Remus wasn't going anywhere as long as Harry lived. _Maybe he is trying to tolerate me? _Remus thought. He realized he was still looking at the Potions Master whose eyes were still avoiding him. He couldn't help but think how different the dark wizard seemed nowadays. His demeanor was softer, no matter how hard Severus tried to hide it, Remus can see how much Harry had changed him. Severus was no longer constantly scowling or keeping in the shadows, Remus had even caught him smiling a couple of times already with Harry. Not just his demeanor and attitude changed, but his looks as well. Remus couldn't help but noticed how different Severus' physique was compared to how he was in school. His hair was not as oily anymore but clean. Only looking a little oily, due to the fumes of his potions. Suddenly Remus' eyes connected with dark eyes again and he turned away blushing. Severus Snape just caught Remus checking him out….

Remus shook his head and got up. The meeting was dispersing, everyone was leaving with their tasks and missions to figure out who the culprit was. Luckily Remus wasn't assigned to anything this time. He left the Order meeting without anyone noticing, slowly making his way towards the hospital wing, hoping Harry was awake so he can talk to him.

He opened the door and saw Harry stirring. He sat on the edge of the bed, placing his cane against the mattress. "Hey cub," he said quietly.

"Remus," Harry whispered opening his eyes and looking at the werewolf. "Where's my dad?" he mumbled.

Remus tried not to feel hurt at the term. He reminded himself that it was a good thing that Severus and Harry had each other now. He just couldn't help but feel a little jealous. For if it wasn't for his furry little problem, then Remus could had easily been in Severus' place. "Severus is still at the Order meeting. Are you feeling better?"

"Yeah...how did the meeting go?"

"we were all trying to figure out who attacked you, we are no closer to figuring it out than we are to ending the war anytime soon."

Harry sighed, "I hope they are not blaming Draco."

"Some did, but your father put a stop to it."

"You know about Sev and me?"

Remus nodded. "I understand, Harry, and I'm sorry I wasn't there for you like I should've been after Sirius died. I was selfish, only thinking about my own grief."

"No, Remus, I understand. I'll admit I was mad at you, but I understood. I knew you loved him, your pain was probably worse than mine."

"I want to agree with you but I cannot. Severus told me what happened, Harry, I should not have left you alone."

"He told you?" Harry asked, anger lacing his words.

Remus nodded. "Don't be angry at him, cub, he told me only because it was for the best. He knew that I had to know because I care you. I want to be there for you for now on I promise"

Harry nodded, the anger fading away as fast as it had arrived. "Thanks, Remus."

"I mean it, cub, if you ever need to talk, I'll be there. If you ever need to take a break from Severus, I'll be there. Just please give me a chance?"

Harry nodded, "of course, Remus." He hugged Remus tightly and Remus hugged him back. "Sirius was proud of you. He really was, so don't doubt for a second that he loved you."

"I'll try." Harry shrugged.

"No, Harry. I'm serious, you were his world. I've never seen him so different, so changed, when you were with him. When he first held you, he had this look in his eyes, as if he were the happiest man on earth. He sacrificed himself to protect you. I think it was how he wanted to go, dying for the person he loved. So please don't think for a second that it was your fault. He died a noble death, an honorable one, and now we must both learn to move on and live again."

Harry nodded, deep in thought at what Remus said. "Thanks, Remus," he said quietly.

Remus smiled, "for what, cub?

"For talking to me about Sirius, I mean Severus and I had this conversation before, but it's nice to talk to you about it. Do you think we can have more like that again?"

"Of course, Harry, every day if you want," Remus laughed. "And guess who your new Defense professor is for next year!"

Harry let go of Remus and grinned at him. "You!"

"Dumbledore offered me the position."

"But wouldn't the parents get mad?"

"That was my concern too at first, I must admit, it took him a lot of persuading to get me to take the position. I didn't want to have a repeat of your third year. Once I agreed, Dumbledore said he will take care of it. He gave me the keys to the office already. Now all I have to do is move in."

"That's great, Remus! I can't wait for next year now! You were the best Defense Professor ever! We are going to learn so much, wait until I tell my friends!"

Remus laughed. "It pleases me to hear how much you enjoyed my lessons."

"Enjoyed? We loved them!"

Remus laughed again, for a moment forgetting the pain from the past few weeks and the hurt he suffered, all because he was in the company of his cub.

* * *

The next few days went by quickly for Harry. He was finally out of the hospital wing and so was Remus, who finally moved into his new quarters. Harry still wasn't allowed to leave Severus' quarters until Narcissa, who was staying in the Slytherin dormitories the past few days, left. In fact Narcissa and Draco were getting to ready to leave right now. The two boys were playing exploding snap in the living room for a few hours after dinner, when Dumbledore stepped into their quarters and informed them of the plans. Narcissa Malfoy and Draco were moving to a safe place under the Fidelius charm tonight, where they will remain. Draco was coming back for school still, which relived Harry. He and Draco, once they got past their differences, had indeed became good friends. Yeah, Draco was a bit snobby and annoying at times, but Harry can see the person Draco really was underneath his cold exterior. Draco was just a kid who was just stuck on the wrong side of the war.

Now Harry was sitting on his desk chair, watching Draco pack, feeling a bit down that his new friend had to go, because even though Draco was coming back in a few weeks for school, it wasn't going to be the same. Draco had his Slytherin friends, and Harry had his own friends. Their lives so different collided against each other for one summer, and now it was ending.

"Don't look so glum, Potter, if I would had known you'll fall in love with me if I stayed here, then maybe I would had joined You-Know-Who instead," he teased.

"Yeah, like snogging me would be the worst thing ever," Harry rolled his eyes, missing the blush creeping up on Draco's cheeks.

Speaking of snogging, Harry couldn't help but think what would've happened on his birthday if Sev haven't had interrupted him and Ginny. He could had kissed her. She was so close, right there, and he felt so light and free at the time. And if only he had taken the chance, then who knew what could had happened between them.

"Draco, are you almost done? Your mother is waiting for you in the Great Hall," Severus said, knocking on the door before opening it.

"Yeah, I'm just about ready." Draco said as he slung his knapsack over his shoulder and stood next to Harry.

"I'll leave you two alone," Severus said, sensing the tensed sadness between the boys.

Draco rubbed the back of his neck as Harry looked up at him.

"Once I leave, I don't think we can be friends anymore," Draco said sadly.

Harry looked down, glaring at the floor. It wasn't fair this had to happen. It wasn't fair that they couldn't be friends due to the prejudices and the threat of Voldemort hanging over their shoulders.

"Once we are back at school and you're a git again, I won't forget how much fun we had together," Harry choked out. "I'll let the Weasleys know what happened, so they won't hate you. Just tone down the insults this year, especially with Remus. He had a tough summer."

"I will, Harry, but I'm not promising to lay off completely. I have to keep up my cover, you know? It's bad enough that I might get picked on for what happened. I have this excuse made up hopefully, if they think I'm on their side still, then hopefully this year, won't be so hard on me."

"Why don't you just switch houses? Or stay in Severus' quarters instead of the Slytherin dormitories? You can stay in my room and even turn the colors green and silver if you want."

Draco frowned and shook his head. "No, I don't want to be much trouble."

Harry nodded, completely understanding.

"So this is it, huh? He said stupidly, for he didn't know what else to say.

"Yeah," Draco muttered and before Harry knew it, Draco pulled him into a tight hug. "Just take care of yourself, and Severus, Harry. Stay out of trouble, and don't do anything stupid. Throughout the year, when I'm my old self again, just remember how much fun we had. And don't forget I'm only keeping up a front, I don't mean anything I saying."

Harry nodded and hugged him awkwardly back, "I promise, Draco, I won't forget our friendship."

"When this is all over, and You-Know-Who is gone, can we be friends again?" Draco asked.

"Yeah, of course we can," Harry chuckled. "Stop being soft on me, Malfoy!"

Draco laughed and let him go "I'll see you around, Potter." He squeezed his arm briefly and left the room. Harry stayed where he was, as he heard Severus and Draco saying their goodbyes in the living room, he heard the sound of the portrait door opening and closing. Then the silence and emptiness came, and never before had Harry's room felt so big and empty. He stood up, not knowing what to do, so he sat down on his bed, feeling lost. He was getting used to having the Slytherin around, and then just like that, he was gone. And now Harry was thinking he would give up anything to just have him back.

There was a soft knock on the door. Harry looked up to see Severus standing at the doorframe.

"You okay, Harry?"

Harry nodded, "I miss him already."

"You can see him at school."

"Yeah, but it went be the same, Sev. He has to pretend we were never friends or the Slytherins will pick on him or hurt him."

Severus nodded in understanding. "It won't last long and don't forget the holidays and next summer. Don't worry, harry, he is not lost to us yet."

Severus sat down on the desk chair and Harry immediately hugged him. He just felt alone and sad for losing a friend, because despite of what Severus just said, he knew that was it. Things were never going to be the same again. He lost a friend and the feeling was so terrible, it left an ache in his heart and throat.

"He is going be okay, Harry," Severus said holding him tightly.

"It's not fair, Sev," Harry said, his voice muffled from his robes. "He doesn't want anything to do with this. Why can't Dumbledore switch his house? So he doesn't have to deal with Slytherins and we can still be friends."

"It is not as easy as that," Severus said.

Harry sat up and looked at the professor. "Why can't it be?" he said.

Severus frowned, "the Dark Lord will be making sure the Death Eaters' children are watching every step Draco takes. We have to make sure Draco keeps up the act that he is still on their side just for this year at least."

"Why?"

Severus sighed. It looked as if he were fighting with himself to not go on.

"Come on, Sev, please tell me."

"What I'm about to say cannot leave this room." Severus said.

Harry nodded, excitement at finding something out was coursing through his body. He had to force himself to sit still.

"Tell no one. Not even your friends. It's too important."

"Okay, I understand." Harry said.

"Draco, was assigned a task by the Dark Lord. I'm not going to say what it is, only that it is very dangerous. If Draco doesn't complete it, then there are going to be terrible consequences for him and his family. Narcissa made me take the unbreakable vow to watch him as he fulfills it, and stand in his place if anything should fail."

"And you can't tell me what it is?"

Severus frowned and shook his. "That is why Draco must contain his cover to the Slytherins while at school. He needs to fulfill his task."

"But you're really not going to let him do if it is so terrible right?"

"Of course not, Harry, I'll be watching over him, so don't you worry."

Harry nodded, a million questions going through his mind. He tried to find out more but Severus wouldn't speak any more of it.

"Just promise that you won't get hurt or die," Harry hugged him tighter. He was so afraid for Draco but especially afraid for losing his new guardian, his dad…. But he felt too shy to say it to the professor.

"I promise, don't worry about it. Leave it to me and Professor Dumbledore."

Harry nodded, letting Severus go and standing up.

"It's time for bed, child, it's getting pretty late. We are going to be spending time in the lab tomorrow. You have to help me brew potions for Madame Pomfrey remember?"

"Oh right, because of the clothes," Harry groaned.

"Don't look so glum, potion making can be quite fun, if you really focus and set your mind on the task."

"That's easy for you to say. I suck at potions."

Severus shook his head as Harry left to the bathroom to brush his teeth and change.

When he came back Severus was still sitting on the desk chair.

"Ready?" he said.

Harry nodded and climbed into bed. Severus threw the blanket over him.

"I'm too old to be tucked in," Harry protested.

"Your only sixteen, son, still a baby in my eyes."

Harry grumbled about not being a baby. It was only a front and Severus knew that. Harry enjoyed the attention, craved the parental affection that he was too old for because he never received it when he was little.

"Are you ready to try closing your mind for Occlumency now?" Severus asked.

Harry nodded.

"Close your eyes, child, relax your muscles, breathe in and out. Focus on nothing until your mind is blank."

Harry closed his eyes, relaxing his muscles, breathing in and out.

"Now you are at a waterfall."

Harry pictured the waterfall they went to at the Forest of Dean.

"Think of the roaring sound, note the colors of the water, and how it feels." Severus' voice was soothing and gentle, making Harry feel sleepy.

Harry imagined the roaring sound of the waterfall. It was so loud it drummed in his ears. And how it glimmered from the sun light, causing blues and greys to shine brightly. He put his feet in the water, enjoying the coolness and it made him feel fresh and peaceful.

"Keep thinking of that place, son, until you can't think of anything else."

Harry kept that mental image in his mind until all of the thoughts from the day disappeared and his mind was empty and he was ready to fall asleep. He felt himself drift off and now he was between the waking work and sleep. He felt Severus place a small kiss on his forehead, a hand running through his hair.

"Goodnight, son," his dad's deep voice filled the silent, peaceful air. The light was turned off, the bedroom door opened and closed softy, and Harry fell asleep.

**A/N: Did you like this chapter? The end made me cry while I was writing this!D=**

**So what did you think of the tension going on between Severus and Remus? And who do you think is behind the attack? Will Harry and Draco's relationship ever be the same again? Please review! And I got a B in math yay!**

**Review Responses!**

**Laurenmk20**: Yeah I know but really, Severus has his reasons, and he really is trying to do what is best for Harry. =(

**Megan: **Thanks for telling me about all the spelling mistakes, lol, I swear I don't see them sometimes until people point them out. I'm so glad you enjoyed my story and I'm going over the earlier chapters and revising the mistakes. And don't worry I'm determined to finish this story! Thanks for reviewing!

**PotterGirl19: **Thanks haha and this chapter is long so I hope that makes you happy.=)

**Bouncerok: **You're welcome! And thank you for reviewing, it made me happy!

**Sakraprace: **Yeah, Remus is going through a rough time. I just hope Severus can see that they need each other soon ;) and don't worry the whole Narcissa plot is coming soon. Thank you for still reviewing!


	23. Chapter 23 A Torturous Night

**Chapter Twenty-Three – A Torturous Night**

That morning Harry and Severus were eating breakfast, when Hedwig suddenly swooped in and dropped two letters on top of Harry's eggs, before landing on his shoulder and helping herself to a piece of toast. Harry grabbed the first envelope and opened it. It was the Hogwarts letter, listing the supplies and books he would need for his sixth year. He noticed the Potions textbook wasn't listed, so he guessed he didn't make it into Severus' N.E.W.T class. He felt his heart sink, a lump in his throat forming as he realized he might not be able to be an Auror after all. He felt kind of bad for letting Professor McGonagall down, after she swore that she was going to make sure Harry achieve his dream, even if it was the last thing she did.

"We can go to Diagon Ally in a couple of days, I'm assuming the next envelope contains your O.W.L results?" Severus said from his place at the table.

Harry picked up the second letter, afraid to open it.

"Sev, Potions wasn't in my book list, I don't think I can look…."

"You can't have done that bad now, open it."

Harry sighed, "alright." He opened the envelope slowly at first, then his heart leaped in relief as he realized his O.W.l's were pretty good. Maybe he can find something else to do instead of an Auror.

"Well?" Severus asked. "How did you do?"

"Not bad," Harry said, going over his results again "An A in Astronomy, E for Care of Magical Creatures, Charms, Herbology, Transfiguration…and Potions! O in Defense, a P in Divination and a D in History of Magic."

"Not too bad, let me take a look."

Harry handed him his O.W.l results.

"Yeah, pretty good," Harry said. "But I guess I can kiss being an Auror goodbye."

Severus frowned, "yes, I gave you an E for Potions. I only ever allowed O students in my N.E.W.T classes since N.E.W.T level Potions is only for those who are serious about the subject."

"Yeah, you lectured us enough last year before our O.W.L.s," Harry sighed.

"You really want to be an Auror?" Severus asked, looking at him straight in the eye.

Harry nodded, "it's the only thing I've ever wanted, if you know..., I survive the war."

"You will, Harry, do not think otherwise. You will have a future and I will help you become an Auror."

"But I didn't get an O in Potions," Harry said in a gloomy voice.

"Alright, I have a proposition for you," Severus said. "I was already considering this since only Granger and Draco passed potions with an O this year, I'm willing to accept students with Exceeds Expectations if you prove to me that you will be okay in my N.E.W.T class. I don't want to throw you into those classes if you're not ready."

"Okay, how do I prove to you that I can pass your N.E.W.T class?"

"Today while we are brewing medical potions for Madame Pomfrey, I want you to show me that you are capable of brewing a potion on your own."

Harry nodded, "okay, Sev, I'll try!"

* * *

"This potion is very simple, Harry," Severus growled as he stirred Harry's potion. "How could you have botched this up?"

Harry shrugged. "I don't know... I was following the directions," he muttered, not telling Severus the real reason why he accidently messed up. He didn't want to hurt the Professor's feelings.

"What happened, Potter?" Severus snapped again.

Harry sighed in frustration, "I don't know!" This wasn't turning out as great as he thought it would be. He wanted to show his guardian that he could do it. That he would be okay in the Potions N.E.W.T class, but it was hard when Severus kept breathing down his neck, and snapping at him every time he messed up on an ingredient or a step.

Severus growled, "never mind this, Potter!"

He vanished the potion away to Harry's displeasure and pointed towards his own work station. "Chop up those roaches for me!" Severus ordered. "It's obvious you can't brew a simple potion, so you'll just be preparing ingredients for me today!"

Harry nodded before sitting down at the workstation and started chopping the roaches, trying not to let his anger show. Suddenly a hand rested on his own, stopping him from savagely beheading his next roach.

"Stop. You're going to hurt yourself like that. Why are you angry?" Severus snapped.

"It's nothing," Harry said, pulling his hand away from the Professor's.

"Harry...," Severus said in a warning voice.

"Okay fine, I didn't want to say anything, but I feel like I'm in your class again, before our relationship, your treating me like you hate me again!"

"Harry, don't be silly, child, I don't hate you!"

"I know that, but you are acting like you do, why do you do that?"

"Do what?"

"Act intimating to us. We are just kids trying to learn and you bully us. I can't learn like that, Neville can't learn like that. No one can!"

"Harry, I act intimating when it comes to teaching potions because this subject is not something to be taken lightly. One wrong ingredient can blow up this room, this very castle. Working with hundreds of teenagers a day means I'm at risk every day for my life and the students' lives. That is why I'm so strict because I don't want you guys to mess around and hurt people!"

Harry felt like a jerk now, "okay sorry, your right but it won't hurt to tone it down."

Severus frowned, "it has been my teaching style for years, and it's never failed me. For years, Harry, I've seen different students come and go. Some brilliant at this subject as you are in Defense, some as poor as Longbottom. For the ones that are brilliant in the subject, they loved the challenge I've given them. They loved that I didn't go easy on them. Now are you asking me to not challenge those students just to go easy on the dunderheads who don't care for the subject at all?"

Harry shook his, "no, sir, but seriously you don't have to bully poor Neville."

Severus scowled, "it wont matter now, he isn't going to be in my N.E.W.T class. Listen, I'm sorry for shouting at you. Do you want to try the potion again?"

Harry nodded, "yeah... and I promise I won't blow up your lab, if you don't stand over me and scowl whenever I mess something up."

"Alright, Harry, I'll just be over there," Severus said after a few moments of thinking. He seemed doubtful at first, before setting up a new cauldron in front of Harry and a new batch of ingredients. "Try again and show me you can be in my N.E.W.T class."

Harry nodded determinedly and started reading the directions three times so he wouldn't mess anything up again. The two were now working quietly together. Adding ingredients and stirring. The fumes of potions was heavy in the air and Harry was trying his best to complete it. He really wanted to be an Auror and this was his last chance to prove to Severus that he could do it. He felt kind of bad for saying those things to Severus. He wanted to make it up by perfecting this potion.

After an hour had passed, Harry was done. "I'm done now," he said as he lowered his potion to simmer.

"Let me see," Severus said, coming over to inspect. Harry sat on his stool, watching Severus as he stirred the potion.

_It's the right color,_ Harry thought. _And the right smell, right consistency. It should be okay_, he thought nervously.

"It's satisfactory, a far greater improvement than the last," Severus said.

Harry grinned, "You think so?"

Severus nodded, and turned off the fire underneath the potion. "It is, Harry, and I see why you were upset. I was making it impossible for you to work by hovering and putting pressure on you."

"It's no big deal, I guess I work better without that...," he muttered feeling embarrassed.

"You've proved to me that you can do a decent potion on your own," Harry smiled as Severus went on, "I will speak to the headmaster about permitting Exceeds Expectation students into my N.E.W.T classes."

"Okay great! Thanks, Severus!"

"There's no need to thank me, Harry, it was all you," Severus smiled softly at him.

"I hope I'm not interrupting anything," Albus Dumbledore said from where he was standing by the lab door.

"No, we were just finishing up. Harry, why don't you clean up and then you can have the rest of the afternoon for yourself," Severus said as he walked into his office with the headmaster.

"Okay," Harry said and started to gather up all the ingredients.

The door to office shut.

"Have you found out anything new to who could be after, Harry?" Severus asked before a silencing charm went up and Harry couldn't hear anything else.

Harry sighed. Severus hadn't mention anything about that incident. He seemed to know as much as Harry at the moment. He wished they could find out soon…, if it wasn't one thing, it was another thing in his life. Someone was always after him. He wished he can just have a peaceful year for once as he gathered up the unused ingredients to put them in the cupboard. He cleared away some of the old junk inside and noticed a dusty old book. He took it out and placed the ingredients back inside the cupboard. He flipped through the book, intending to put it back when something in it caught his eye. In small and cramped black ink: The property of the Half-Blood Prince, was written inside. Harry looked closely at the old book. It was a textbook called Advanced Potion Making. He noticed how worn it was and there was writing on every page. He didn't know why, but he felt the urge to keep it, so he stuffed it inside his jacket pocket.

* * *

"Have you found out anything new to who could be after, Harry?" Severus asked before muttering "Silencio," Knowing how nosey his son can be.

"I've had my suspicions," the headmaster said, walking around the small office, examining some of Severus' potions on the shelves.

"On who?" Severus asked.

"It could possibly have been Narcissa Malfoy," the professor said slowly.

"You were right to not trust her, Albus. Why you decided to still send her to a safe house instead of sending her to Azkaban is beyond me!" Severus snapped out impatiently.

"There is one thing I've found out. What Remus said at the last meeting made sense. I've been pondering this over for days, I was told by the house-elves that she was out of the castle that day. Only someone on our side could had passed through undetected. Draco was there, so the wards could had let her pass. No one else was there from the Order, unless you want to suspect one of the Weasleys."

"No, I'm not disagreeing with you, Albus, I've never trusted Narcissa and I'm glad she is out of the castle. I'm just worried for Draco. I know he had nothing to do with this. Are you positive it could had been her?"

"Yes, you're the only one I've told my suspicions about. Tell no one yet, until we are sure. I can't have Narcissa finding out and then leaving. It's better that she stays where we can watch her."

"My question is why she is doing this? Why now? When her son has a task to complete. I don't know if the Dark Lord knows anything about this plan. He hasn't called me or told me anything. It could be him or for her own vendetta, or whomever she is working with."

Dumbledore nodded "that is what worries me. I want you and Remus to keep an eye on Harry at all times until we gather up more information, I don't want them succeeding."

Severus nodded, "yes, headmaster and one other thing, I've decided to allow Exceeds Expectations students in my N.E.W.T classes this year. I know it is a little late but if it's possible…."

"Why certainly, Severus, I'll send out letters before the end of the day to the students, what on earth changed your mind?" Albus chuckled.

"You already know," Severus scowled.

Albus chuckled again before he left the room, pausing only to talk to Harry who finished up the cleaning.

* * *

It was late in the evening now, Severus was cooking up some dinner for Harry, trying to think about if it really was Narcissa who was after Harry. She hadn't really caused much trouble while staying here. She kept to herself mostly and hadn't said anything about Harry.

_That's because she doesn't know. We kept it a secret from her but she was suspicious._

He remembered that night when he heard the whispering. It came back to him with force. He couldn't believe that he had forgotten it. He wondered again what she was up too that night, was she already conspiring than? Severus wondered if Draco knew anything about what his mother was planning or maybe she was innocent. Right now she's only a suspect, innocent until proven guilty. All Albus could do was station Order members to guard the safe house Narcissa was staying at, and report any suspicious activity or visitors coming along.

Suddenly a burning pain shot through his forearm where the Dark Mark was etched into his skin, he dropped the plate he was carrying and hissed in pain. The Dark Lord was calling him. He summoned up his magical strength, hoping he was strong enough to at least produce a vapor if not a corporeal form. He whispered out, "Expecto Patronum!" As he expected, a weak vapor mist appeared, he quickly conveyed the message to Remus Lupin that he must come and watch Harry. Severus started to shake hard, feeling the strain of his still healing magical core and he was afraid to face the wrath of the Dark Lord. He didn't know if he would survive it.

A second later, Lupin stepped out of the fireplace and rushed towards Severus who was still shaking and leaning against the counter. The pain was getting worse the longer he kept the Dark Lord waiting.

"Severus!" Lupin said, helping him up.

"I have to go, I have to go and tell Harry first that I'm leaving," he said.

"No, Severus, he shouldn't see you like this, I'll tell him."

"Tell me what?" Harry asked stepping into the kitchen. "What's going on? Sev, are you okay?" he rushed over to Severus who was now sitting on a chair.

"It's the Dark Lord," Severus gasped in pain, showing his Dark Mark to Lupin and Harry. It was dark and moving, burning with pain, making his veins pop out in his skin.

"No, Severus, don't go!" Harry suddenly said as he examined the mark and Severus' face. Severus can feel the fear in the teen and hear it in his voice.

"I'll come back, child, I promise," Severus said, hating himself for lying, because honestly, he didn't know if he'll come back. His magic was weak, that meant he won't be able to fully defend himself mentally and physically. Severus stood up and enveloped Harry in a hug. He caught the werewolf's eye who somehow understood his fears.

He nodded to the wolf, "keep him in your sight until I return," Severus said.

The wolf nodded. "I will, he is safe with me," Lupin answered.

Severus nodded and tried to let go, but Harry stubbornly clung on to him.

"You have to let go, child. I promise I'll return," Severus said softly, reluctantly prying Harry's arms off of him, making sure Lupin was holding on to the teen.

It broke Severus' heart to keep walking towards the door, ignoring Harry's calls to stay. It broke his heart to leave his son to go to the Dark Lord, where it was possible he might not even come back at all. And it was in that moment that he truly hated this position he was in. He hated being Dumbledore's spy but he had to do it. He was the only one who can. And if he gave up his position, then the war would be lost.

* * *

The Dark Lord was angry when Severus arrived; he could feel it in the air. He can feel it in the pain his Dark Mark was causing and the way the Death Eaters were acting afraid. The Dark Lord was sitting in his chair, in his father's house. His snake slithering around him, her poisonous tongue tasting the air. Severus shivered in disgust before putting up his mental shields.

"Ah, Severus, you took your time." His voice was so evil, nauseating, it chilled Severus to the bone. He forced himself to remain nonchalant, trying to summon up the rest of his magic to perform Occlumency.

"Forgive me, my Lord, I was speaking to Dumbledore at the time; it was not easy for me to get away," he said quietly.

"Crucio!" The Dark Lord shouted, his red eyes shining.

Severus screamed in pain. A thousand knives stabbing him, a thousand volts of electricity electrifying him. His muscles began to spasm, his eyes rolling in the back of his head. It felt like it lasted forever before the spell lifted. He was on the floor panting, glad that he was able to keep up his shields during the pain.

"You are now forgiven for your delay, Severus, we have some plans to discuss concerning young Potter. I have reason to believe that he is staying with you, is he not?"

"Yes, my Lord," Severus said as he stood up, forcing his body not to tremble. He dared not show any weakness in front of the Dark Lord. _He knows about Harry…who told him?_ Fear, unimaginable fear was pulsing though him.

"And why have you not told me about this?" the red eyes glared at him.

"I could not, I was under that old fool's orders to keep quiet, and if I told you, Dumbledore would see it as an act of betrayal, costing my position in this war."

"I see…," The Dark Lord hissed, Severus felt him probing his mind. Severus used Legilimency against the Dark Lord, so he will see the lie he told him, giving him false images of Harry and Severus constantly fighting, and Dumbledore forbidding him to say anything.

"I see, Severus, you must act like nothing has changed. I want you to keep your position, for it might be to our advantage that you have Potter under your wing. Bond with the child, mold his brain into thinking that by siding with that old fool, he is making a mistake. He can be great if he rules by my side, both of us."

Severus nodded. "I will do that, my Lord. It will be difficult since we both hate each other."

"Then deceive the boy. Make him believe you care for him. I want him to come to me willing, Severus!"

"Yes, my Lord," Severus gritted his teeth. A slicing charm was aimed at his leg, blood streamed down to the floor. He didn't move or dared show any pain, he waited until he was excused. The crowd of murmuring Death Eaters in the shadows surrounded them, he can hear Bellatrix Lestrange laugh and the growls of Fenrir Greyback, the cackling of Death Eaters. The darkness surrounded him, filling him up and the only thing he could do was block his mind, for if he did not, then the darkness would swallow him up.

"And one other thing, Severus, Narcissa Malfoy is a traitor. She has betrayed her family, her bloodline, and she has betrayed me. I have reasons to believe that she might be under Dumbledore's wing. Are you withholding any more information from me?"

_Strange..., the Dark Lord doesn't know where Narcissa is at? He believes she has really betrayed him. Does this mean that if she is behind Harry's attack, it is not under the influence of the Dark Lord?_

"My lord…," Severus started but before he knew it, he was in intense pain. He clenched his jaw, biting his tongue and tasting the coppery blood in his mouth. He couldn't find the strength to summon up false images. The Dark Lord probed through Severus' mind, slithering his way in and befouling his mind with his dark presence. Images of Narcissa flashed through his mind, of the woman in the hospital wing, the conversation they had in the night, the fact that she is under suspicion and in hiding.

"You dare keep this from me, Severus! Crucio!" the Dark Lord shouted.

Severus screamed and screamed trying his best to keep us his shields. He was having a hard time. His magic was strained, he was too weak. The only thing that kept him sane was the fact that his son was waiting at home for him.

After a long while, Severus had no idea how long, the spell was lifted.

Death Eaters were walking in the shadows and muttering, afraid of the Dark Lord's wrath. If he was punishing his most trusted servant, then no one was safe.

"Where is she?" the Dark Lord yelled. "Tell me where Narcissa and her boy is hiding!"

"They are in hiding. No one knows where they are, but I do know Draco is still attending Hogwarts. He is still working on the mission you gave him. Draco is still loyal to you, so not all is lost!"

Voldemort glared at him lost in thought, "very well, Severus. Once Draco does his part, then I'm sure he can tell me where is mother is hiding."

_Not likely…,_ Severus thought, vowing to protect Draco once the time comes.

The Dark Lord stood up and walked slowly around him, then he knelt down and hissed in his ear, "you have disappointed me and I will give you another chance to make up for your disloyalty. Next time I call you, bring me the boy."

_No… I can't…! You bastard!_ Severus was screaming behind his shields. His body shaking and he was forcing himself to keep his mask on so the Dark Lord wouldn't see the fear that was so strong it was making him sick.

"The next time I call for you, have Potter or it will be your life!" Severus got up, taking those words as his cue to go before he was subjected to the Cruciatus curse again.

He limped out of the wards as fast as he could, before quickly Apparating back to Hogwarts.

* * *

"Severus, please don't go!" Harry shouted, trying to fight away from Remus' grasp. He didn't care that he was acting like a child, he didn't care that he was making it harder for Severus to go. He just had this feeling that Severus would come back hurt or worse not come back at all. He could see how much his guardian was in pain, how much fear he was hiding from him behind that mask. He didn't want him to go. He wanted his dad to stay with him!

"Dad!" he shouted, but Severus was gone, disappearing behind the closed portrait door. Harry stopped struggling and shook Remus off of him. Severus might die again! He might never come back, and Harry didn't get to call him dad or tell him how much he loved him as a guardian! How much Harry appreciated him for taking him in!

"Come on, cub, Severus left you some dinner."

"I'm not hungry!" he snapped.

"Harry, Severus would want you to eat…," Remus persisted.

Harry shook his head and sunk down on the couch, pulling his legs up to his chest and burying his face into his knees.

"No, I can't eat knowing that he could die," Harry choked out. He flinched away when a hand landed gently on his shoulder.

Remus pulled his hand away. Harry looked up through his fringe to see Remus frowning in concern.

"He is going to be alright, cub. He knows what he is doing and he can take care of himself."

"You don't know that!" Harry shouted. "Voldemort is sadistic, evil, and unpredictable. I know he has high regards for Severus for apparently spying on Dumbledore, but he's still in danger! Severus could still be killed by him! One day Voldemort is going to realize that he won't need him anymore and can kill him! Or what if he found out about our relationship? If Voldemort finds out that I'm like a son to Severus, Voldemort is going to kill him!"

"Look, Harry, you have to calm down. Severus is a smart man," Remus said, sitting on the arm chair. "You just have to trust him, believe that he will come back."

"But he hates going, Remus!" Harry said. "I saw it in his face expression, he was scared. Why does Dumbledore make him do this?"

"I don't know, Harry, I've always wondered how Severus got back into Dumbledore's good graces... they must had set up some sort of understanding."

"Dumbledore hated him?" Harry remembered all the times Dumbledore told him how much he trusted Severus when Harry tried to say otherwise.

"Not hated… just suspicious of him. Severus was always in league with Voldemort's followers, always playing around with the dark arts as a teenager. We all mistrusted him. Dumbledore never payed much attention to him until after your parents died, then suddenly, Severus was on our side and teaching at Hogwarts. Most of the Order still doesn't trust him, they are all just trusting Dumbledore at this point," Remus said. "I don't want to give you a bad impression of your new father, Harry, he grew up. I can tell he is not that kid anymore. He has grown, changed and become someone who is worthy enough to know Albus' most inner knowledge of the war."

"What about you?" Harry asked. "Do you trust him?"

What made Severus become a spy and betray Voldemort? What happened was what Harry wanted to know. Then he realized…, Severus mentioned that he was friends with Lily Potter… his mother. Maybe her death was the reason why he joined the Order.

"At first, I did not trust him, but he saved my life this summer. I owe him my life and plus I see how much he loves you. It isn't pretend, he definitely sees you as a son, so therefore, I trust him," Remus said thoughtfully.

Harry nodded, "he saved my life too, Remus."

Remus looked up at him with his hazel-green eyes full of concern for his cub. "From what Dumbledore has told me, countless times."

Harry nodded again, not saying what he really meant.

"But I know you were talking about one particular time he saved you, at the beginning of the summer."

Harry shrugged, "yeah, Severus told you all about it, so there's no need to bring that up again."

"I would like you to talk to me about it." Remus said unrelenting.

"No, I can't," Harry buried his face again in his knees.

"Why not?"

Harry didn't say anything he just wanted Remus to leave. He could feel his mental shields going up and his body tensing. He didn't want to tell him what happened at the Dursleys. Severus was the only one who knew. Only Severus was the adult he trusted because…he was there… Severus was his dad. And Remus was just… Remus…he wasn't there when Harry needed him.

"It's just me, you don't have to hide anything or feel like you can't talk to me. I'm here for you, cub. Severus told me what happened but he didn't go into much detail, he said he was going to leave it to you."

"I don't want to talk about it, I don't trust you!" Harry shouted, irritated that Remus won't drop the subject.

Remus' voice shook with hurt and shock. "Harry, you don't mean that. What about the other day when we were talking about Sirius? You were happy at the idea of us talking."

Harry peeked up at him, then looked away, not wanting to see the pain that he caused him. "I don't mind talking about Sirius with you but for other stuff…like that…I cant. I don't…," Harry didn't know what to say. He didn't know what he was feeling. He couldn't describe it. He trusted Remus when it came to talking about Sirius. However, when it came to talking about what he went through at the Dursleys and everything that came along with it…, he would have to show Remus that side of him, the side of him that is a freak who cuts himself. No…, he couldn't trust Remus to understand.

"It's not just you, Remus. I don't trust any adult, except for Severus now. I'm sorry," he said feeling guilty for being rude. He just couldn't help it. He had to protect himself from getting hurt, he was already risking it with letting Severus in, but Remus too? Another adult to let him down or leave him? No, he couldn't do it!

Suddenly Remus' hand grabbed Harry's left arm and turned it over. Harry hadn't noticed his sleeve riding up, revealing the old fading scars and the pink new ones fading away.

"Why?" Remus whispered. "Severus mentioned this... but I couldn't believe it until... why, cub, why would you do this to yourself?"

Furious, Harry tore his arm away from Remus. He can feel his emotions interfering with his magic, can feel it cackling in the air. Remus looked around, obviously sensing what was happening. Gold flecks were showing in his eyes, the shadow of the wolf was showing in his face as he looked at Harry.

Harry stood up, glaring at Remus with anger and distrust. He felt so frustrated and angry. He knew Remus was concerned, he knew the werewolf was trying to talk to him and help him, but Harry had no choice but to put up his defenses and push him away. No way was Remus going to hurt him or even worse… Harry did not want to hurt Remus. He backed away, still glaring at the werewolf and ran straight into his room, slamming the door behind him.

"Harry!" Remus shouted, trying to open the door.

Somehow Harry had locked it with his accidental magic. He sat on the floor and leaned his back against the door, fighting the urge to not cut himself. Harry really tried but he felt so angry, frustrated, and guilty. More than anything, he wished Severus was here to help him. And before he knew it, he was trying to scratch himself. Harry scratched himself hard, but this time he couldn't break the spell Severus had recasted so many times on him. Maybe this was a sign, telling him that he didn't really want to cut. That he was only trying because of all the emotions and if he did cut, Harry can see the disappointed look on his dad's face and he knew he shouldn't do it. So he stopped trying and buried his face in his knees, trying to ignore Remus' pleading calls on the other side of the door.

* * *

Getting home was hard for Severus. He Apparated as fast as he could and limped his way through the Hogwarts grounds to the castle. He can feel blood drying around his leg. He can still feel his muscles and nerves shaking from the Cruciatus curse. Severus can feel how weak his magical core was, he was lucky he made it back without splinching himself. The fear he felt at the idea of his son being in danger was the worst. He didn't know what to do, he had to talk to Albus! He finally made his way to the stairwell and up to the headmaster's office. To his disappointment, the office was empty! Albus was off on another damned mission! Right when Severus needed him the most!

"Fuck!" he shouted.

His son was in danger and the headmaster was off doing who knows what! What are these missions? And why are they so important?! He left a note on the headmaster's desk, demanding to see him right away, hoping he will return soon.

Severus limped his way down to his quarters, trying to calm down and control the fear that he still felt, hoping Harry was asleep by now.

He didn't want his son to see him this. Especially when it was so hard to leave him earlier. _Harry must had sense my fear tonight,_ Severus thought. He must had realized that this call was going to be bad. Severus pushed himself to walk faster to get to his son again.

At last, Severus made it to his quarters. "Draught of Living Death," he muttered, thinking briefly that he should change the password before the new school year started.

The portrait door opened and right away he limped towards Harry's room.

_Bring me the boy…,_ the Dark Lord's voice was ringing in his ears. He had to see his son. He had to make sure he was safe and not in danger. Once he saw Harry, then Severus could retire for the night and take care of his injuries.

"Severus?"

As he was passing through the living room, a voice stopped Severus in his tracks. Lupin was coming out of the kitchen, a cup of tea in his hand.

"You're bleeding! And you're shaking! Are you alright? You look like you've just battled a whole herd of centaurs!" the wolf exclaimed, placing the steaming cup of tea on the coffee table and rushing towards Severus as he almost fell from the pain he was in. Lupin grabbed Severus by the upper arm and placed it around his shoulder. He then wrapped his own arm around Severus' waist, to keep him from falling. Severus was annoyed by the wolf's presence, not wanting to rely on him to stay standing. "Does it look like I'm alright?" he snapped, then sighed in frustration at Lupin's hurt look. "Where's Harry?" he asked.

"In his room," Lupin said, "he locked me out... I tried to get him to talk to me about his relatives and why he cut himself but he completely closed himself off. He told me he didn't trust me."

Severus sighed, "I'll talk to him. He has his moments of brattiness sometimes." His bad mood was rapidly becoming worse at the news of Harry's misbehavior.

"No, don't, Severus, it was my fault. I pushed him and I saw the scars when his sleeve was up and he was so upset."

"And then he locked himself in his room?"

Lupin nodded and Severus felt fear rise in his stomach once more.

"You mean to tell me, that he locked himself in his room while being upset? And you let him!" Severus shook the werewolf off of him.

Pure adrenaline was keeping him from passing out as he rushed to check on Harry, hoping he wouldn't find what he was dreading; a pool of blood and a pale hand was in his mind… the memory of the last time Harry had cut himself.

"He's alright, Severus," Lupin said "I casted a spell on his room to alert me if he is in pain. It hasn't gone off yet. He's fine."

Severus nodded, calming down a little but not fully. "Thanks for that," he muttered, still going to Harry's room to check on him.

Severus was afraid that the door would be locked, so he decided to just turn the doorknob to see if it opened. And to his surprise, it did.

"I just checked it five minutes before you came in and it wouldn't open, he must've been waiting for you," Lupin whispered from behind him.

Severus opened the door slowly, the lamp was on and he found Harry sitting at his desk with his head down on the flat wooden surface, asleep. He knelt down towards the child and brushed his hair out of his face and took off his glasses. He can see the worry and stress on Harry's face. Severus felt so guilty for leaving him. And the annoyance he felt at Harry's misbehavior and disrespect towards Lupin washed away.

He picked Harry up and laid him on his bed, taking off his shoes and covering him with his blanket. The whole time Harry stayed asleep. He did not even wake up once. Severus decided to let him sleep, he needed it, after the emotional distress the boy went through tonight. The whole time, Severus noticed Lupin watching from the doorway. It made the back of his neck burn for reasons he refused to think about. He turned off the lamp before kissing Harry's messy black hair.

"I'm here, son," he muttered, hoping Harry won't wake or have any nightmares tonight. He then turned and left the room, closing the door behind him and following Lupin back to the living room.

Severus sighed and sat on his armchair, unable to take the pain in his leg and muscles anymore. He closed his eyes and tried to calm down, the stress and fear and pain was finally getting to him.

Lupin disappeared from inside the kitchen and came back out with a large cup of tea.

"Here drink this, Severus, it will help you."

Severus took the tea and sniffed it. "You put some muscle relaxant potion in it?" he asked, looking up at the werewolf and feeling a bit touched.

Lupin nodded as he also handed him a pain potion and a potion to recover the strain on his magic.

"I picked up some potions from Madame Pomfrey. I knew you were going to come back hurt," he said. "I wanted to be prepared."

"Thanks...wo...um, Lupin, for everything and watching my son," Severus said softly, not meeting his eyes as he took the potion to recover his magic.

"There's no need to thank me, you've done the same for me…," Lupin replied.

Severus can feel the wolf staring at him, reading him like he did earlier in Harry's room when he was putting Harry to bed. Reading him, observing and thinking, like at the time of the Order meeting after Lupin caught him staring at him from across the room.

Severus took a sip of Lupin's tea, instantly loving the way the wolf made it and feeling the effects in his muscles right away.

Lupin knelt down and ripped open Severus' bloodstained and ripped trousers. He muttered a healing spell, and Severus watched in surprise as his skin began to heal.

"How did you know to perform that healing spell?" Severus asked in surprise.

"I learned it from Madame Pomfrey. A side effect to being cooped up in the hospital wing every month when we were at school." The werewolf sat down on the sofa. "So what happened?" Lupin asked as he picked up his cooled tea from earlier and performed a warming spell to heat it up.

Severus was taken aback. No way was he going to share to Lupin of what he went through tonight! So he just shook his head, "just the usual Death Eater punishments," Severus growled. "Nothing for you to worry about!"

"That is a lie, Severus," Lupin frowned, glaring at him with those eyes.

It made Severus' stomach do a back flip. What was it with this man that enticed him, yet frustrated him? What was it about Lupin that amazed Severus, but yet repelled him away from the mere sight of him?

Remus Lupin, who was an enemy at school, was here sitting next to him, talking to him like they've been friends for decades. As if everything was always okay between them. And somehow, after everything, Severus realized that it didn't bother him. _It's all in the past_, he thought_. It's pathetic and stupid of me to hold on to this grudge._

"What ever happened tonight, has you thoroughly spooked. The way you came in here tonight looking for Harry, Its making me wonder if he is in danger from Voldemort."

"You're the only one apart from Harry and Albus who isn't afraid to say his name," Severus said half in wonder and half hoping to throw him off the subject, but it didn't work.

Lupin shook his head, "why would I be afraid of him? He has already taken most of my family away from me. Harry is the only one I have left, so if there is something I should know, Severus, I advise you tell me right now."

"Is that a threat, wolf?" Severus smirked.

Lupin's eyes were golden and intense. Severus wondered if the wolf knew what he was doing to him.

"It depends on how you receive it," he said.

Severus rolled his eyes, "alright, you win this one!"

He shook his head in disgust at Lupin's wolfish grin. _The idiot_, he thought.

"The Dark Lord found out about Harry staying here." Severus said and heard the wolf's small intake of breath as he heard the news, but gratefully he didn't say anything and let Severus continue.

"He found out and he punished me severely as you can see. I made up some bullshit story about me not being allowed to tell him because I'll lose Dumbledore's trust. And that apparently I'm giving Harry a hard time, since we hate each other."

"Did he buy it?" Lupin asked as he held his tea in his hands, the steam surrounding his face. Severus looked away, catching himself staring at him. He remembered again how he was caught during the last Order meeting and flushed a little.

"That's not the worst of it. The next time he calls me, he wants me to bring Harry," Severus forced the words out, trying not to show how afraid he really was.

There was a sound of breaking china. Lupin had dropped the teacup in shock. "You're not taking him with you!" Lupin said. "I trust in you and Albus to not give in so easily. We will figure something out! Have you told Dumbledore?"

"Who says I'm giving in easily? No way am I handing Harry over to the Dark Lord," Severus said. "His plan is not to kill him but to turn him against our side. And I went to Albus' office before coming here, he wasn't there…."

"He is not here?" Lupin asked.

Severus shook his head.

Lupin snorted in disgust. "Like Harry would even let himself turn evil. Voldemort underestimates him too much." Lupin was not fooled by the emotionless mask Severus had on, for he then said, "Don't worry, Severus, we won't let Harry get hurt. We will fight Voldemort with all we got to keep him safe."

"That's what I'm afraid of too. We fight to save him but what if it isn't enough? What if we are all killed off, leaving Harry alone?" Severus wondered how the wolf knew what he was thinking. He was a master Occlumens and Legilimens who can fool the darkest wizard of the age but yet he couldn't fool an annoying werewolf.

"No, that won't happen," Lupin said. "We have Albus Dumbledore on our side, no way, are we going to lose!"

Severus shook his head, their eyes making contact and he couldn't help but admire the strength, bravery, and resolution in his hazel-green eyes, which were shining with golden flecks from the spirit of the wolf inside.

"I hope your right," was all he could manage to say.

"Was that all? Was there anything else?" Lupin asked as their eye contact broke and he began to clean up the mess of tea and broken china shards off the floor with a wave of his wand.

"There is one other thing about Narcissa," Severus said. "She has indeed betrayed the Dark Lord. He was angry at her betrayal, so if she is after Harry, it has to be of her own vendetta."

"Or maybe it could be someone else? It looks like we are back to square one now," Remus said.

Severus nodded and a heavy silence fell over them. Severus drank his tea spiked with muscle relaxant potion to soothe his shaking muscles from the Cruciatus curse. He then noticed the miserable look on the wolf's face.

"What is it, wolf?" he said, trying not to snap from the stress he was under.

"I shouldn't have pushed Harry and now he hates me," he said. "How do I talk to him? He told me outright that he does not trust me!"

Severus frowned, "he wants to trust you, believe me, he does but he cannot. It's a side effect from the mental abuse he suffered from those muggles."

"I have to get him to trust me or we won't be close. This won't work if he won't open up. Was this what you dealt with when you first brought him here?" Remus asked. "What did you do?"

Severus finished up his tea and then drank the pain potion. It felt so good right now, taking away the lingering effects from the torturous night. He thought of what to tell Lupin, hoping his advice would work. He was still irritated by the wolf's presence. The reason why he hadn't yelled at him, was because the wolf helped him out with caring for Harry and curing Severus' injury, another reason was the way Lupin was somehow fascinating to him all of sudden. Severus had noticed lately that he was watching the wolf, thinking about the wolf. Then he would force himself to stop, not even to take a moment to think why he was...captivated by him all of a sudden.

"It took time, Lupin, a lot of time and arguing. And I just talked to him. I told him about my own past and I did not push him."

"I should've done that," Lupin said glumly.

"Don't be too hard on yourself. I made my share of mistakes as well. Just take your time with Harry and talk to him, let him get to know you and he will open up eventually." Severus hoped his advice will work for Lupin, if not, he had nothing else to give him. At the beginning, he didn't know what he was doing half the time… to be honest.

"My past isn't something I should tell him. Especially this summer, I don't want him to know what happened. It's too…," Lupin stopped talking, unable to go on anymore.

"Why not, Lupin?" Severus asked softly.

"Because he will see that I'm…."

Severus frowned and looked at the wolf, waiting for him to continue. He noticed how sad Lupin looked, the bags under his eyes and the grey strands in his golden hair. The robes he wore looked old and shabby. Underneath the robes, Severus knew was his scarred body. And then he knew what Lupin meant, and before Severus could stop himself, he realized his hand was on Lupin's chest. The very spot right over his heart where that burn was placed, the one that label him as a….

"You're not a dark creature," Severus said gently, his eyes meeting Lupin's. Every instinct and voice in his mind was yelling at him to stop. This was Remus Lupin, the werewolf he hated since he was an adolescent. Severus ignored his instincts, ignored the small voice of reason in his mind. He just gaved in to his heart, something that he has never done before.

Feeling dazed, Severus kept his hand on Lupin's chest. The air between them grew tense as they kept their eye contact. And the only thing that mattered was how beautiful, but yet sad Remus' eyes were. Eyes that were hazel and green, he couldn't figure out the exact color. And the golden flecks of the wolf was still beautiful to Severus and not at all monstrous. Those beautiful, sad, golden eyes reminded Severus of the forest and he remembered his dream, of the soft hand and the whispered name. Lupin's heart was beating fast under his hand.

"Severus…," Lupin whispered. Severus eyes now traveled from the wolf's eyes down to his lips. Did they always look so warm and soft and inviting? He wondered how it would feel like to kiss the man sitting so close to him. Would Lupin want to kiss him? He felt himself leaning in, Lupin was suddenly closer to him, his heart beating fast….

"Severus?" a sleepy voice called out. The glass in his mind shattered, bringing him back to reality. And just like that, the fuzzy, light feeling went away. He heard footsteps from Harry's room and moved his hand off Lupin's chest so quickly as if it burned him to touch the werewolf.

_What am I doing?_ he thought in disgust. He stood up just as Harry appeared in the living room.

"Harry, what are you doing up?" he asked making his way to the sleepy teen.

"I heard your voice, I tried to stay awake to wait for you but…," he glanced at Lupin who was standing in the living room and blushed.

_He's probably realizing how wrong he was for disrespecting the wolf_, Severus thought. He was going to have some words with Harry later about his rude behavior towards adults. Just because he mistrusts them doesn't mean he has to be disrespectful!

"Come, child," he said gently, leading Harry back to his room and closing the door shut behind them. Harry climbed into bed.

"Can you lay with me for a while? I'm afraid to go back to sleep," Harry whispered.

Severus frowned, completely thrown off by Harry's request. Yes, they were in a better place than they were at the beginning of the summer, but Harry still had trouble showing affection and physical contact. He still flinched sometimes when Severus or other people touched him. It was something that Harry would just have to bear until he got used to the idea of people actually caring for him. Harry hadn't even called him dad again, only once when Severus had woken up from the hospital wing. He decided to not push the boy, he decided to be patient and just let Harry know that he was loved until he was ready.

So Severus just went along with Harry's request and laid on the bed next to his son; who cuddled up with him under his blanket.

"I was afraid for you," Harry whispered. "I was afraid you weren't coming back."

"Of course I was coming back, Harry, I told you I was. I promised, didn't I?"

"Yes, but you looked scared before you left. You never know if you're actually going to come back or not. You know how unpredictable Voldemort is, you can die any moment while in his presence."

"That won't happen to me. I won't let myself get killed. I'm too careful to let that happen."

"But no one can fool Voldemort."

"I don't mean to sound vain, but I've been outsmarting him ever since he rose again during your fourth year. I can outwit him, Harry. He is powerful, yes, but I have the brains and the cunning to survive his presence."

Harry nodded.

"You said you were afraid to fall asleep, child," Severus frowned. "Did you have another nightmare?"

Harry nodded. "It was the same one. It was Voldemort and Bellatrix talking about someone they want dead."

Severus pulled Harry close to him. "Don't dwell on those visions, Harry. I know they frighten you, but remember that Albus knows about them, thanks to you. You've done all you could. Now just leave it to me and the headmaster to take care of the rest. Remember what I told you? We just have to trust him now. Go back to sleep, I'll be here for you."

"Thanks, da…Sev," Harry mumbled, slowly falling asleep again.

Severus heard the slip before Harry had caught himself just in time. Severus pretended he didn't hear it. When Harry called him dad, he wanted the teen to mean it and not be ashamed, embarrassed or afraid.

"Goodnight, son," Severus said, holding Harry until he fell asleep. As Severus held his sleeping son, he heard the words of the Dark Lord again, demanding in his slithery, evil, voice to bring Harry, and of the plans he had in store for him.

Severus buried his face in his son's hair trying to forget the events of the night, vowing to himself that he will protect Harry to his very last breath. The Dark Lord was not to harm a hair on this boy's head as long as Severus was alive, was his last thought before falling into an uneasy but needed sleep.

And before he knew it, Severus was waking up with a back ache and a crick in his neck. He had fallen asleep, he hadn't meant too. He gently got out of bed without disturbing Harry and made sure the blanket was over him before quietly leaving the room.

Not to his surprise, the werewolf was gone. He was glad Lupin left because then he didn't have to talk about what would've happened if Harry hadn't woken up. He had no idea what came over him.

Severus went to the kitchen and made himself another cup of tea. The morning early hours was seeping in through the enchanted windows of his quarters. It just didn't make sense. Why did he all of sudden want to kiss Lupin. It was Lupin for Merlin's sake! And plus he never thought he would be into men, or maybe he was just into Lupin?

_Why am I into Lupin? What's so great about that mutt? I hate him!_ Severus thought as he slammed his mug down in frustration.

The only person he ever loved was Lily. He never spent any time dating when he was younger, and he never cared for it or thought about his sexual orientation at all. Maybe he was always into men and just didn't know it because he had to find the right person.

_Does this mean Lupin is the right person for me?_ he wondered. No...No he was just tired last night and in pain and Lupin was there and it all meant nothing.

**A/N: I worked really hard on this, so I hope you enjoyed this chapter!**

**What do you think of that mysterious book Harry found? Or who snitched to Voldemort about Harry staying with Severus? And would about Severus and Remus? Will Severus ever make up his mind about Remus? And poor Harry, would he ever learn to trust Remus? Tell me what you think will happen next! =D - Chase'sGirl19**

**Review Responses!**

**Sakraprace:** Yes, I love Severus and Remus but they have a lot to work out first haha. And yeah I was so sad to write that scene where Draco had to go…=(.. and thanks! I studied really hard!=D thanks for reviewing!

**PotterGirl19:** I will! Thanks for the encouragement and the review! =)


	24. Chapter 24 Nothing I Wouldn't do for You

**Chapter Twenty-Four – Nothing I Wouldn't do for You**

**I just want to take a moment to say that we will always remember Alan Rickman and the awesome way he portrayed the character of Severus Snape. No other actor can outshine him in that role. He was very inspiring and talented and we will all miss him so very much. R.I.P Alan Rickman.**

"_**After all this time?"**_

"_**Always."**_

**D,=**

Remus watched as Severus led Harry to his room and shut the door behind him.

_What just happened?_ Were the first words that went through his mind.

They had almost kissed and Severus' hand was on his chest and he was so close to him…. So close he can feel his warm breath against his cheek.

Remus suddenly had to sit down. He couldn't think or breathe. He sat back down on the sofa and ran his hands over his face and into his hair, taking a deep breath. The memory of Severus so close to him, then jumping away from him, repulsed by the idea of being so close to him, and Remus did not blame him, after all… who would want to be involved with a werewolf?

_What does this mean?_ Remus wondered.

He looked back at Harry's closed bedroom door. Remus had no idea what Severus' intentions were tonight or what he was implying. Was he hoping for a relationship or a mutual understanding of sex?

There was a growing tension in the air between them ever since they talked after Harry's attack at the Burrow. Remus had no idea how it started. It was just suddenly there and Severus was watching him, always watching him.

So Remus watched the Potions Master as well, noticing how different he was now, how committed he was to his duties, and how he had so much love for his adopted son, Harry. A son of his enemy, who made his adolescent years hell, he was able to look past it all. And it was the quietness and sophisticatedness, the dark, rebellious soul of Severus Snape that enticed Remus to open the bedroom door that very moment and ask Severus what he meant, what the tension between them was and why they were so close... He wanted to know why… but he was afraid it meant nothing. He was afraid to open the door….

_I have to stop thinking about him,_ Remus thought as he suddenly got up and left Severus' quarters.

While Remus walked down the dark corridors back to his own quarters, he thought of Sirius. Pain went through him, like an old dagger straight to the heart. Pain that he was used too but can't yet bear. This time he didn't think of the good times they shared, or the love they declared to one another, but the Sirius that changed after Azkaban. That wasn't the Sirius he fell in love with. The shouting rang in his head, all of the fights they had before… he died...

The last words they spoke to each other on that night, was the worst of the pain, hindering Remus from moving on.

"_Sirius, you cannot go after Harry, you have to stay here!"_

"_Harry is my godson!" Sirius shouted. "Who are you to tell me what to do, Remus? I have to go get him! He is James' son!" His blue eyes were wide and indignant, blue and wild, and full of pent up energy and rage for the danger his godson was in. Remus knew at that point, there was no use in trying to convince Sirius to stay. Once his mind was made up, there was no chance in changing it._

"_Sirius, you fool! You are going to the Ministry where you are most likely going to be seen! That won't help Harry at all. I can't lose you to Azkaban again and neither can your Godson!"_

"_No matter what you say, you're not changing my mind, you bloody know that already! I'm going after him!" Sirius shouted._

_Remus glared at Sirius, there were gold flecks in his eyes, the wolf howling inside, longing to be released… but Remus fought it back. He knew Sirius could see that he was giving it his all to not lose it in front of the Order members, who were all staring at the Marauders in shock._

_Remus couldn't bare to look at those cold, ice-blue eyes any longer. He was tired of it... tired of taking care of Sirius and receiving nothing but drunken words of hate in return. It was his bloody life… if he wanted to die or get his ass sent back to Azkaban, then so be it! _

_Remus was done._

_He turned around and left the kitchen, running upstairs to the parlor._

_He stationed himself in front of the long windows. He had to control himself, he had to pull himself together before taking off to rescue Harry. "Come on, wolf, calm down," he whispered. "I'll let you kick Death Eater butt if you stop trying to dominate me." _

_Feeling slightly mad for talking to the wolf spirit inside him, Remus closed his eyes briefly, inhaling and exhaling like his mom taught him years ago as a child._

_He sensed Sirius standing behind him, before he said softly, "Remus..."_

_Remus kept his eyes closed, remembering the Sirius he fell in love with, laughing blue eyes, the smile, the whispers and his guitar..._

_Remus frowned and opened his eyes, glaring out the window, not really seeing the view of the street outside._

_You say I don't talk you… that I'm different from the person you knew…you say that I changed. Remus thought… trying to find the courage to say those words out loud. But what you don't realize is that you changed too, so much that I can no longer recognize you._

"_Remus, please say something…," Sirius whispered, not moving, not breathing, the air was icy and tense…so icy that not even the warmest summer could melt it._

_Remus kept his gaze on the window sill. The memory of Sirius' drunken voice and words of hate chased away the good memories of their relationship, giving Remus the strength to speak up._

"_You just don't understand…," he said, hazel-green eyes turning completely amber. He snarled at the window, at the reflection of the man that caused him to love and hate and hurt with the deepest passion._

_Sirius didn't move._

_Remus didn't move._

_They stayed still, not really sure what to say to save their relationship. They both knew this moment was coming and Remus thought he had prepared himself… but he was wrong. He could feel the tears burning, could feel his hands shaking, could feel his throat choking up and feel his soul shatter as his world crumbled around him._

_Remus had gone through this before. When he thought Sirius killed Lily and James. And he survived it… I'll be okay… he thought, trying to give himself the courage to stay strong._

"_What don't I understand?" Sirius asked._

_Remus took a deep breath. "I can't keep quiet anymore... I can't do it anymore... We both changed," he said quietly, slowly, choosing his words carefully. "You want to go off and kill yourself or get yourself arrested…you want to destroy your life…you want to leave me behind again…leave Harry... only to face danger. Admit it, this isn't only about rescuing Harry."_

_Sirius shook his head. "I can't stay here. I can't stand here and wait knowing my godson is in danger, that you and the Order could fight and I can't. If James were here, he would had understood! He would had been okay with me going! And you would had been too! What happened to you? You don't understand! You never do anymore!"_

_Sirius was shouting and Remus sighed. It was turning into the same argument they kept having over and over again and this was a sign that they should just end it all._

"_Honestly... I changed fifteen years ago... when you decided to be selfish for your own revenge and go after Peter! Harry was in that house, crying, hurt and you left him!"_

"_No, Rem…stop. That's not true...I had too. The rat…," Sirius whispered, his voice full of hurt and denial, but Remus couldn't stop now. The pain, betrayal everything that he kept inside was spilling out, too fed up and tired, Remus allowed it too._

"_The war changed us both!" he said over Sirius' pleas to stop. "And you don't see that. You only see what you want to see, your own pain."_

"_Dammit, Remus, shut up! Turn around and bloody look at me!" Sirius shouted._

_He didn't want too, his eyes were showing the wolf. He didn't want Sirius to see that he was losing himself. The wolf was pushing at the surface, growling and angry and dominant...and almost breaking free._

_When Remus didn't turn around, Sirius said softly, "I don't even remember the last time you said you loved me." _

_How dare he does that to me! How dare he tries to make me feel bad!_

_Remus whirled around, growling in anger, sounding more wolfish than ever. It was the worst Sirius had ever seen him. Remus had to give him credit for not flinching at the monstrous sight before him._

"_I'm distant because you don't understand! It's all about you and your misery, it's all about you and how you have to be stuck in your parents' house! Sirius, I know you hate it and your restless, but the Sirius I knew would had been stronger than let this house get to him, you would had stayed strong! And you're not! You choose alcohol instead of talking to me! You choose to wallow in your self-pity every time I try to help you!" Remus was shouting, his golden eyes flashing in anger. "I'm distant because I don't love you! The Sirius I loved, died fifteen years ago!"_

"_You don't mean that!" Sirius shouted, finally moving, stepping forward and grabbing Remus' face with both of his hands, "you don't bloody mean that! You love me! You were nothing before I met you! Nothing!" _

_Those words hurt Remus. They hurt him deep inside, right in the core… because Sirius was right. If he hadn't met the Marauders in school, Remus would had been nothing._

"_Yes, I bloody mean what I just said! Do you know how much it takes to clean you up when you're drunk? And bare the words you say to me! It hurts when you push me away, when you tell me you'll rather have James alive than me! You fucken told me that when you were pissed a couple of nights ago, and you don't remember because that is how far gone you were!" Remus shouted "Why are you so upset, Sirius? You don't care, I know you don't! You told me you wanted the truth! So I said it!"_

_Blue eyes, wide and sad, still holding onto Remus, Sirius whispered, "It's bothering me because I still love you! You make me bloody insane and you don't understand that!"_

_Remus looked away and tore his face away from Sirius. "If you really do love me…then you wouldn't go, you'll stay here, you'll stop drinking…," Remus said softly. "But it's too late, I know you won't, so just go. Do whatever you want. I'm done."_

_The blue eyes on him hardened, "if that's how you want it…," Sirius' words were stony, hard with hate and anger. "If that's how you feel then…."_

"_Am I interrupting something?" a silky voice said by the door. They both turned to see Snape standing by the door; black eyes surveying the scene._

"_The rescue mission is ready, Lupin, have you chained up your mutt?" the dark wizard sneered._

"_Watch it, Snivels!" Sirius barked, holding his wand to his arch enemy, ready to take out all his pain on Snape._

"_Do what you want, Sirius, I'm done," Remus said sadly before walking past the two men, trying to hold himself together. _

_The Order were waiting outside for him. Remus stepped out into the pavement, some like Mad-eye and Kingsley nodded at him respectably, awaiting orders from him. Since Harry was closer to him and Sirius than any other Order member, Dumbledore had appointed Remus as the leader of the rescue mission. Remus rolled his eyes when he noticed Sirius joining them. _

_Typical…. _

_A small hand suddenly held onto his own, Remus looked down to a young witch with pink hair. "He will be okay," Tonks whispered. _

_Remus sighed and said, "I hope so." But he didn't tell the witch that she was wrong. Sirius wasn't okay. Remus wasn't okay. Whatever left of the relationship they once had, was gone. And now nothing was never going to be the same again…._

Remus took off his robes, changed into his pajamas. He felt so guilty at those words… _"I don't love you anymore…."_ It wasn't true…it was just in the heat of the moment... the stress, the fights...everything was too much. And then Sirius was falling through the veil… and Remus was crashing down, as he held on to Harry, to prevent him from going after his godfather.

"I still love you, Sirius," he whispered in the dark. "I still love you and I'm sorry…." He rubbed his face with his hands as he laid in his bed. The darkness in the room surrounded him, the same darkness and pain that was in his heart. And he was crazy to think that he could ever have another relationship with Severus, when the relationship he had with Sirius, fell apart so horribly. Sirius was the love of his life, his best friend, his first kiss, his first everything and he was supposed to be the last. But like everything else, he had lost Sirius because of the war. And if he gave Severus a chance, he was sure the same thing was going to happen. In spite of his broken heart yearning for another chance of love, Remus decided to stay away from Severus.

_Who am I to think I'm worthy of another chance?_

_I can't be with Severus...not when I failed with Sirius. That relationship should never had happened and he died in the end...proving that I don't deserve to be with anyone._

_Severus and Harry deserve better than a stinking werewolf anyways… _Remus thought harshly as he put his hand over the burn on his chest.

_This is what I am,_ he thought.

**Werewolf: Classified Dark Creature**…memories of his time with Greyback clouded his mind for a few seconds before he pushed them away.

_I have to stop fooling myself, _he thought. The haunted blue eyes of Sirius was still in his mind._ And forget the idea of me and Severus ever happening._

He closed his eyes trying to fall asleep, trying to forget how Severus was so close to him, and the weight of his cool hand on his chest, the way he looked at him, those dark, penetrating eyes that seemed to look into his very soul...

* * *

Exhausted from overthinking his actions with the werewolf, and what to do the next time the Dark Lord calls him for Harry, Severus finished his tea and flooed straight to the headmaster's office as soon as the sun rose. He made sure to leave a note for Harry that breakfast was in the oven and he will return as quick as he can.

Green flames surrounded him as he stepped out of Albus' fireplace.

"Albus!" Severus shouted, not noticing the headmaster putting away an old journal inside his desk drawer.

"Severus, it's pretty early. You never struck me as someone to be up at the crack of dawn."

"Spare me the pleasantries, Albus," Severus snapped. "I was called by the Dark Lord last night."

Albus' smile vanished as he studied Severus' grim and shallow face from the lack of sleep and anxiety.

"What happened, Severus?" Albus asked, his voice with a hint of urgency and worry in it.

"He knows…he knows about Harry staying with me," Severus snapped as he paced the room, trying to gather his thoughts together. The memories of that night was flashing before his eyes, making his body tremble. And the fear he felt was coming back, suffocating him, wrapping its oily, sickening hands around his neck, constricting him to breathe.

"Severus, sit." Albus was suddenly there standing beside him. "Please sit and tell me what happened."

Severus' black eyes met blue eyes behind half-moon glasses. It calmed him a little; he slowly nodded and sat down.

"He knew about Harry staying with me, he didn't tell me how he found out. I told him a story about the boy and how we still hate each other and I was only doing it for you. I could not tell him about Harry under your orders. Luckily he hasn't found out about the adoption."

"We are going to have to keep that quiet for now. The only people who know is Molly, Arthur and Remus besides the department officials, but they are under law to not reveal anything. "

"Let's just hope the Dark Lord doesn't dig deeper and leads him to the department. If an official employee goes missing, we are screwed," Severus muttered.

"Something tells me that this isn't the worst of what you have to tell me," Albus assumed.

Severus leaned over, elbows on his knees, he looked up at his old mentor, not really seeing him, but of the memory of that night. How the Dark Lord walked slowly around him, _"next time I call you, bring me the boy…."_ his voice threating and sadistic, dark and powerful. Severus inwardly shuddered as he choked out, "He wants me to bring Harry next time he calls me. He wants to turn Harry evil and train him."

Albus frowned, "we are not letting Harry go. He is not ready and I need him for when the next term starts. I have some things to teach him before I die."

Rage filled inside Severus, taking away his fear. "You need him?! Why does it have to be Harry! Why can't you show me what you know! I'm cunning enough, strong and capable of vanquishing the Dark Lord! Why don't you let me kill him instead of my son! And must you speak about your death so casually?"

"No, Severus, it can't be you, you know very well it has to be Harry and Voldemort in the end."

"That was just a prophecy, they always change. Those bloody things are never accurate. I don't even bloody know why this school even teaches a subject as useless as divination! Why must we go by that unreliable source?" Severus shouted.

"Severus…," Albus said in a warning voice, standing up and glaring at him with a blue fire.

"No, Albus, I'm done! Harry is my son, you have no right to test him and goad him into doing your dangerous tasks! It doesn't have to be only him who defeats the Dark Lord! Stop fulfilling that idea in his head!"

"Severus!"

"Don't worry, I'm still keeping my promise to you. I've accepted the fact that it's going to have to be me to kill you in the end. I'm doing it for the sake of trusting you and to save Draco from becoming a murderer himself! I'm willing to comply with your orders. But allowing you to meet with Harry secretly so you can teach him or show him things you won't show me, so in the end he has it in his head to be the only one to kill the Dark Lord? No… that's not happening. Harry has me, the wolf and the Weasleys, he has the whole damn Order all capable of and willing to fight with him!"

"Severus, calm down!"

Severus glared at him, "just promise me you won't put that idea in his head."

"I'm not going to let Harry think that he is in this war alone, I'm training him so he will have a chance when the time comes. You know as well as I do that Voldemort will not stop hunting after Harry until he is dead. Now would you rather have me not train him, leaving him defenseless? Or train him and show him the past of his enemy, so he has a fair chance?"

"Is that what you're planning? You're going to show Harry the past of the Dark Lord?"

Albus nodded.

Severus looked at the headmaster in shock, washing away some of his anger. "No one knows…," he could only say.

"I was able to stumble across some contacts of mine... never mind how I was able to uncover Voldemort's past, Severus. I know you are stressed, and your magic is strained and you're afraid for your son, but you just have to trust me. I would never put Harry in real danger, do you understand? Everything I do has a purpose, everything I do brings us one step closer to ending this war, and I cannot do it without you."

Severus glowered at him and scowled, "okay fine, but if I find out that you put Harry in danger or comes back upset, or hurt, or anything from your meetings, it's going to stop!"

Albus nodded, "thank you, Severus, now don't worry about when Voldemort calls you, I will figure something out. In the meantime, you should get yourself checked into the hospital wing and get some rest, you had a tough night."

"One more thing, Albus, he was truly furious... the Dark Lord, he was furious about Narcissa betraying him. So if she is the one behind those attacks it has to be by her own vendetta."

"Or it could be someone else...," Albus said thoughtfully, pondering over everything Severus had revealed to him about last night.

Severus nodded, "we are basically back at square one... now all we can do is wait like sitting bloody ducks until they strike again."

"Let them try, Severus, because next time they strike, we will be ready," Albus assured Severus as he led him to the door. And Severus just hoped with everything he had that Albus was right.

* * *

"Next time, Severus, I advise you to come to me straight away!" Madame Pomfrey scolded as she handed Severus a potion to strengthen up his strained magic. "Now I don't want you to be using any magic for three weeks, is that clear! Or you're going to stay here until I monitor you!" Severus nodded as he drunk the potion and got up.

"I understand, three weeks no magic," he mumbled. As if he wanted to see the Dark Lord last night and strain his magical core again. He rolled his eyes at the fussy matron's scolding as he left the hospital wing.

As he walked slowly back to his quarters, Severus was so deep in thought about what Albus might be planning for the next time the Dark Lord called him, he didn't notice the wolf until he collided into him, knocking down the books Lupin was carrying.

"Watch where you're going, wolf!" he shouted before he can stop himself. The sound of crashing books filled the corridor and the wolf fell back on the stairwell grabbing it before he tumbled down the staircase.

"I didn't see you with all these books," Lupin frowned as he straightened himself up; not looking him in the eye as he began to pick up his books one by one.

Completely taken aback by Lupin's distant demeanor, Severus just stared at him.

What the bloody hell is his problem? Was he perhaps to forward last night? After all, Severus didn't plan on it…things just happened….

Severus remembered how he touched the wolf's chest and leaned in, the memory making his legs go numb and his stomach feel weird.

He remembered how Lupin had muttered his name, he leaned in too…Severus realized. So, why is he acting all distant?

This morning Severus had decided that last night meant nothing, nothing at all, but the idea of Lupin rejecting him? It drove him insane, it made him mad, and he didn't know why. He shouldn't even care if Lupin had the same idea about last night.

Severus watched as Remus picked up the fallen books, he found himself wanting to say something but he didn't know what. So he tried to summon up the courage to say something to him, anything but the words were stuck in his throat. _Why is this so hard? _Severus thought and before he knew it, Remus picked up the last book and turned around to leave.

"Lupin, wait!" Severus called out, Lupin turned around and looked at him. "About last night….," He paused feeling shy...all of a sudden and afraid. He never felt like this towards another person. He was the one who scared people, but Lupin was different. He'll always be different. And he wondered what it was about Lupin that entranced him.

_I don't know why I can't stop thinking about you…I don't know what last night meant but I want…._Severus didn't know what he wanted. He couldn't say those words, and Lupin was looking at him, waiting for him to say something. So Severus decided to just change what he was really going to say, scowling in frustration at himself for being a stinking coward.

"After what happened last night...I'm not allowed to perform magic for three weeks. I was wondering if you can take over Harry's dueling practice for me until I regain my strength."

"Oh, um, yeah sure," the werewolf shrugged. "Just have him come by anytime…, if he wants too that is…," Lupin stammered.

Severus can see how uncertain Lupin was, how awkward he sounded.

"Look, Lupin...," Severus sighed. He couldn't let Lupin walk away without trying. So he gathered up his courage out of sheer impulse and desperation. "About last night…."

"No, Severus...," Lupin whispered as he shook his head, "I have to go," he said before turning around and walking down the corridor.

Severus watched him leave, feeling a bit hurt but would never admit it to anyone or even himself.

He forced himself to not shout or scowl or anything. He calmly made his way back to his quarters, deciding that he, Severus, was a fool. An idiot to believe that something was between them and a fool to expect anything could happen. Severus tried to talk about what happened, but it was clear that Lupin didn't want to be with him, so why would Severus want to be with Lupin was beyond him! After all…Severus had Harry as a son now. So why should he ask for more? No, Remus Lupin was nothing to him, and it was best to just forget anything ever happened!

* * *

By the time Severus actually entered his quarters it was late morning. He walked over to the kitchen, thinking of how nice another cup of tea sounded to soothe his anxieties.

Severus walked straight to the stove and filled the tea kettle with water. He didn't even realize Harry was already eating his late breakfast at the table, until the boy said, "You look terrible." Causing Severus to jump, nearly dropping the tea kettle.

"Excuse me," he scowled, his bad mood already showing.

"Sorry...you just look tired and stressed. Are you okay?"

"It was just a hard night," Severus sighed.

"What happened, Sev? Was he angry? Why did he call you?"

Severus stared out the enchanted window, the sun near the highest peak in the sky. He wasn't sure what to say. He did vow to be as honest as he can to Harry, but Severus was hesitant to tell him anything on only for the sake to save his innocence. And he didn't want to worry him. Severus just wanted Harry to have a peaceful summer before the school year started, before everything changes… and he loses his childhood, before their relationship crumbles once Severus completes his task.

"It's nothing to worry about. Just a meeting for the Death Eaters to report back...," Severus said as he poured himself a cup of tea. He was just in a mood last night." He truly hated himself at the moment. He was just so sick of lying for this damn war.

"Listen, kid," Severus sighed as he sat down. "I have to talk to you about Lupin."

Harry frowned as he pushed his food around his plate. "I don't really want to talk about him…," he muttered.

"No, Harry, we are, look I know Lupin wasn't there for you this summer, I know that you are trying your best to not be upset by that…but you are upset. You have to let him know, you have to talk to him."

"I can't, Severus. I really do care for him, he was my dad's friend, but I just can't trust him to talk about what I went through, and my habit, and everything else. It took me awhile to open up to you."

"Look, I know why you can't trust adults, I understand why and I don't blame you… but like you said, this is the last of your father's friends, he cares for you, Harry. Just try to open up a little, okay?"

Harry shook his head. "He won't understand, Sev, and I kept telling him to drop the subject but he was so persistent and then he saw my scars..."

Severus eyed his son for a moment, trying to think why Harry all of a sudden was so stubborn to not give Lupin a chance. One moment he was happily telling Severus how he and Lupin had talked about Sirius, and now he was upset and reluctant.

_He was like that with me too at the beginning…._ Severus tried to remember why... and then he felt so stupid when the answer dawned on him.

Harry was afraid that Lupin would see him differently due to his self-harm habit and the abuse he suffered. Harry's self-esteem was still low. Pretty much shot, thanks to those blasted Dursleys and Harry was paying the price. He couldn't trust Lupin because after everything that happened; Severus glowered at the wall, imagining himself hexing those stupid muggles.

"Sev...?" Harry whispered.

"Harry, tell me that you are not a freak!" Severus snapped.

"Why?" the boy stammered, taken aback by the sudden order.

"Say it!" Severus growled.

Harry shook his head.

"Why can't you say it?"

Harry just shrugged not making eye contact.

Severus sighed. He was a fool to think Harry was getting better.

"I figured out why you won't talk to Lupin about what happened. You are afraid he will see you as what you see yourself. A freak!"

Harry casted his eyes down, not saying anything, ashamed of the truth Severus just spoke.

"You are not a freak, Harry," Severus reached over across the table and lifted the boy's chin gently. "Do you know what I see? A young, smart, man who will risk his life for his friends and even a bloody puppy! That is far from something as terrible as freak."

"I don't see that, Sev…," Harry tore his face away from Severus' hand.

"Well then, that's sad because that is what I see in you and what Lupin sees in you and everyone you love, you're the only who doesn't, Harry, and I hope one day that you will."

"Yeah… me too, Severus." Harry shrugged.

"Can you just try to give Lupin a chance?" Severus asked. "I asked him if he can take over your dueling practice for the next three weeks. I'm under strict orders to rest my magic. So I expect you to be polite to him. Just because you don't trust him, does not excuse you from being rude. And plus this will help you to get reacquainted with him, I know there was a time you trusted him and used to talk to him, I want you to rekindle that relationship you had with him from your third year."

Harry frowned, "fine, but I'm not talking about my cutting yet. Only the abuse I went through."

_Well that's something at least,_ Severus thought. Then he realized what Harry had done, causing him to smile. He couldn't help himself; and maybe he wasn't a complete fool to believe that Harry was improving, for the kid was, although not one hundred percent yet.

"Why are you smiling?" Harry asked slowly.

"You finally admitted that you were abused without me having to correct you or remind you that it was not a punishment."

Harry shrugged, "I realized the difference on how the Dursleys raised me and how you take care of me. I finally see the difference, Sev…."

Suddenly a large owl swooped in from the window, dropping a large envelope in front of Severus. He took the envelope into his hands and smiled when he saw the official looking wax seal, he opened it carefully, shooing the bird away from his food.

"What is it?" Harry asked.

Severus didn't answer for his heart had swelled, and he felt tears of happiness burn the back of his eyes.

He was not an emotional man. He was not one to show his true emotions, preferring to hide behind his mask where it was safe and didn't seem vulnerable to others.

But when it came to Harry, his new son...everything...the mask...the indifference, it all just melted away.

The document in his hands was a certificate of the official adoption: Severus Tobias Snape was now the adoptive parent to Harry James Potter. He stood up and placed the document gently on the counter

"Sev?"

Severus turned and enveloped the teen into a big hug.

"Hey, what's this for?" Harry laughed.

And it was the very fact that instead of flinching away or getting frightened, Harry accepted the hug. He truly trusted Severus now, truly accepted him as his guardian who he could trust and rely on.

"Hey, Sev, really, what is this for?" Harry asked as he hugged him back.

"I'm just so happy that I adopted you, I'm so happy that you are now my son, I love you so much, Harry."

He let go of him and knelt down to eye level. Harry, still sitting on the chair, stared back at him with his bright green eyes; his mother's eyes. This time it didn't pierce Severus in the heart, instead it made him remember his best friend with happiness. And for the first time ever, Severus was able to truly enjoy a memory of Lily and not feel pain. He was starting to move on, slowly, but it was a sign, that he and Harry will be okay.

"That was the official certificate stating that we are a family," Severus choked out in complete happiness.

Harry looked at him in shock. Severus desperately tried to read his emotions, afraid if the Gryffindor acted negatively of the news but to his relief Harry smiled.

"So this is my home now?"

Severus was at first taken aback by those words that sounded so shy and insecure but full of hope. This child who was denied the one thing he ever wanted, a home, a family, a place to belong. And Severus was so glad that he was the one who was able to give those things to him.

"Silly, child, Severus said. "This has already been your home and it always will be."

Suddenly Severus' arms were full of Harry, hugging him tightly.

Harry then pulled away, "and you won't leave right?"

Severus' heart constricted, so tightly. This child who trusted him and Severus had to lie in his face for the damn war, for Albus, and his bloody plan….

"No matter what I do, Harry, just know that I'll always love you. I'll always be there for you and no matter what happens, please do not forget what I've said, I promise to you, that nothing will change the fact that you are now my son and I your father, and there is nothing I wouldn't do for you."

**A/N: This chapter was so hard for me to write! Haha but I did it! It's not the best chapter but I hope you guys still liked it. And thanks for the reviews and followers and favorites! We passed the 300 followers mark! Yay!=D It always encourages me to keep writing knowing peoples are reading my story. =) – Chase'sGirl19**

**Review Responses! =D**

**Sakraprace****: I hope Severus remembers to be nice, cus he really gave poor Neville hell in the books. And yeah I know I'm mean for having Harry interrupt their moment lol. Anyways I'm so glad you are still reading my story. Thank you so very much for all of your reviews. =)**

**PotterGirl19:**** really? I'm always torn between SiriusxRemus and SeverusxRemus… as you can see from my story I keep writing flashbacks of SiriusxRemus haha, anyways thank you for reviewing!**

**takingitinstride****: thank you! And I hope you liked my new chapter!**

**Guest:**** lol I'm glad you liked that scene with Harry telling it to Severus... He does need to see that intimidation isn't a good way to teach, I'm glad you liked my chapter and thank you for reviewing!**


	25. Chapter 25 Blackbird

**Chapter Twenty-Five - Blackbird**

**A/N: This chapter is for ****Ashleaporterwashere.**** A very happy late birthday to you. I'm sorry I didn't get to post anything on that day. This chapter simply wasn't ready and I thought of writing a one shot for you but I couldn't think of anything haha. Anyways I hope you enjoyed this chapter and I hope you enjoyed your bday. – Chase'sGirl19**

**Disclaimer: I do not own the Beatles song, Blackbird.**

Severus was plagued by dreams that night.

Dreams of a wolf with grey fur and amber eyes. He was running after the wolf. No matter how fast Severus ran, he just couldn't keep up. Then he noticed he was running on four legs, looking down, he saw black paws instead of feet. Instead of stopping in shock, he kept running after Lupin. He didn't know why it seemed very important to catch up to him.

"Lupin!" Severus shouted, but his voice came out as a roar. Severus stopped, this time completely in shock. Snow was blinding him, no more was Lupin in his sights.

And then he was waking up into the darkness of his room. It was only a dream... Severus just stayed in bed, looking up at the dark ceiling, wondering why he kept dreaming of Lupin. Wondering why his mind was telling him to screw the wolf. To forget Lupin and continue hating him. His common sense kept telling him to stay away, despite of what his heart was telling him. What his very soul wanted. Deep down, Severus craved the other's touch, to hear his voice and be with him.

_What's wrong with me? I'm not infatuated with the wolf!_ Severus thought before turning over. He buried himself deeper into his bed, trying to go back to sleep. Unfortunately, no matter how hard he tried, he could not. His mind was too restless with thoughts of his dream.

The dream was strange… and that was the second time Severus had dreamed of himself chasing after Lupin. What did it mean? He had no idea. And maybe it was wise not to dwell on it, for it was only a dream.

Speaking of Lupin…, the bloody wolf had been avoiding Severus all week! He knew he shouldn't care, but the damn wolf was driving him insane. Severus was mixed with annoyance and infatuation every time he passed Lupin in the corridors, or when they were in the same room together during Order meetings. He couldn't eat or sleep, or do anything!

Harry had also noticed during one of their Potions lessons, that Severus was distracted. With his mind full of Lupin, he had messed up a potion twice! Harry had guessed right away that someone had caught Severus' eye. The kid already bloody knew Severus had a crush, before Severus even realized it himself!

He could still see in his mind, the quizzical look Harry had given him, before he laughed out loud, "you fancy someone! Go on, tell me who it is!" He laughed again when Severus' face grew pale, causing him to glare at his son.

Throughout the rest of the lesson, the kid kept pestering him to reveal his crush, until Severus grew annoyed with Harry's persistent questions that he kicked him out of the lab. _I don't fancy Remus Lupin!_ Severus had told himself, but even he couldn't believe that anymore.

Severus rolled over, trying hard to fall back to sleep again, only to realize in annoyance that his efforts were wasted. He just couldn't seem to close his mind. He tried to picture something relaxing like a forest. Just like how he taught Harry to close his mind, but everything was just bloody useless. Especially when a certain face with hazel-green eyes and golden hair kept invading his mind.

After twenty more minutes of tossing and turning, Severus felt so restless he had to get out of bed. _Perhaps a walk will do some good,_ he wondered. Before leaving to roam about the school corridors, Severus decided to check in on his sleeping son first. He opened the door quietly, hoping it wouldn't squeak. The hallway light lit up a yellow path to Harry's bed, where Severus can see his sleeping form.

Severus couldn't believe how much Harry had improved over the summer. Of course he still had his moments, just yesterday he had woken up to a rotten mood. Severus was ready to snap at the kid, until he finally got Harry to tell him what was going on. The boy had a nightmare of being back at the Dursleys. Severus had to assure the boy, that no matter what happened, he was never going back there.

Harry was indeed doing better. He was no longer so close to committing suicide. He hardly scratched his arms anymore, aside from when he was upset. They still had to work on that, and on his panic attacks. Severus was also glad that Harry was no longer constantly looking around the room for a tool to cut himself with. The grief the boy suffered from the death of Black, however, was still there, but it was less intense. Despite all that, Severus was sure that with the help of he and Lupin, Harry will be okay within time. The only thing he truly feared, was when once the war was over, once Severus succeeded his terrible task, he couldn't help but worry how their relationship might be affected. It scared him deeply, but he trusted Albus to get Harry through this alive. So Severus was forced to let everything play out. And in the end, he just had to hope that Harry will still see him as his dad.

* * *

Severus was now walking through the dark corridors of Hogwarts, lost in thought, not really paying attention to where his feet were leading him. Since he couldn't turn his mind off, he decided to just let it run itself out. After a few moments, Severus stopped abruptly, for he finally found himself in front of a certain portrait door in the castle. Slightly astounded, he did not know why his feet led him to this door, out of all the others in the castle.

He wondered if the werewolf was asleep. Would he welcome Severus inside his quarters? Would Lupin even want to talk to him? Unsure what to do, Severus put his hand on the door, maybe he should just leave...

He remembered the werewolf's distant behavior. How Lupin would avoid him or pretend he didn't see Severus. Always pretending he was lost in a book, as they passed by each other in a corridor. Even during staff meetings, he wouldn't even catch Severus' eye. The one and only time, Lupin made contact since the last time they spoke in the corridor, which was about Lupin taking over Harry's dueling lessons, was by owl. A message that only conveyed one sentence.

_**Harry,**_

_**The password for my quarters is Blackbird.**_

_** R.J. Lupin**_

Severus' heart had sunk so deep from disappointment. The note was for Harry. Not for him...

It was the very fact that they had almost kissed that drove Severus insane. Insane because he couldn't figure out what it meant to him, or what it might mean to Lupin. Severus at first, thought he didn't want anything to do with the wolf. Then he noticed Lupin's avoidance. And he realized, when the avoidance really started to get to him, leaving him feeling disappointed every time the werewolf looked away, was not what he wanted.

_But isn't this what I wanted? Didn't I want that night to mean nothing? _Severus thought._ Or is that what I wanted to believe?_

Honestly Severus wasn't sure what he wanted. It was Remus Lupin, for Merlin's sake! He should be hating him, but hate was slowly turning into infatuation. Now Severus couldn't stop thinking about him. All these confusing thoughts were giving him a headache.

_Stop being bloody ridicules and open the door!_ Severus inwardly berated himself, realizing if he didn't say the password, that one word that kept him away from Lupin, then he would be sorry he missed the chance to figure out the mystery of the werewolf's avoidance.

Severus took a deep breath. Throwing caution to the wind, he whispered the password, suddenly not caring that he was waking up the werewolf. He suddenly had to see him, to talk to him and demand him for answers. He couldn't live another week going crazy, not knowing how the other felt about the almost kiss.

Severus stepped through the opened portrait. The room was warm and dim, the only light coming from the fireplace in the sitting room.

The sitting room in Lupin's quarters looked almost the same as Severus', but instead of the black furniture and the green and black draperies, Lupin had wooden furniture and earthy tones.

He then spotted Lupin standing in front of the fireplace. He was reading a piece of parchment in his hands, his shoulders were shaking as if he were crying. Severus walked closer to him, until he was directly behind the werewolf, wanting to comfort him, but not knowing how. He gently put his hand on Lupin's shoulder and turned him around. The werewolf's face was full of anguish and tears.

Lupin's eyes met his, Severus entranced, wiped the tears off his cheek. Lupin stayed still, not taking his eyes off Severus.

"You're crying," Severus said in a low voice, not knowing what else to say, too entranced by the man in front of him to not care how stupid he sounded at the moment. His hand was still on the werewolf's face. It seemed as if he couldn't pull it away.

Lupin looked down at the parchment in his hands. "Sirius' will," he choked out, more tears streaming out.

Severus looked down at the parchment, torn by curiosity to see, and not wanting to appear nosey.

"He left mostly everything to Harry, you'll have to tell him," the werewolf said, his eyes rereading the lines on the parchment.

"Did he leave you anything?" Severus asked, eyes still on the distraught man in front of him. His mind was a complete blank, his legs couldn't move anymore. His stomach was in knots. And yet, his gaze was hungrily drinking in the sight of Lupin before him.

_Why does he have this effect on me?_

"He left me his guitar and half of his fortune. The other half goes to Harry. Listen, Severus, Harry can have all of it. I don't want the money," he said quickly.

"Absolutely not, Harry has enough to get by until he is way beyond his years after Hogwarts. It is you who needs it most right now, and besides, you know Harry won't take it," Severus said.

Lupin suddenly started crying harder.

"Shh, it's okay," Severus whispered, not really knowing what to do. This was not what he had expected when he was trying to gather up his courage to enter Lupin's quarters. What he had expected was way different than this. So he just pulled the werewolf into a hug. "It's okay," he said again.

Lupin cried into his shoulder for several moments until he pulled away.

"Forgive me, Severus," Lupin said as he wiped his face with his hand. "I knew he left a will, I honestly don't know what came over me."

"It's understandable, Lupin, after all, he meant a lot to you…," Severus whispered, feeling a little jealous over the affection the wolf felt for Black. The mutt didn't deserve someone as kind and good as Lupin. He tossed Lupin out in the dirt! He bloody chose the danger and adrenaline of dueling, rather than staying at Grimmauld place and keeping himself alive. Now Severus was here to pick up the pieces for Harry and maybe for Lupin.

"The world," Lupin whispered. "Forgive me for being rude, Severus, but what are you doing here?"

"You've been avoiding me," Severus said, deciding to cut to the chase.

Lupin looked at him. "You've come to talk about that night…," he whispered, a small smile ghosted his lips at the memory for one quick second, before he caught himself. He looked at Severus, his eyes hardened as they turned golden. "No…there is nothing to…."

"We can't avoid it forever!" Severus snarled at the werewolf's insurable stubbornness.

"Severus, I can't...this isn't the right time for this!" Lupin shouted as he turned to stare into the fireplace, the fire reflecting in his golden eyes. The shadow of the wolf was visible on Lupin's face. Severus could feel the werewolf's emotions running high, could feel the anguish and pain he was feeling.

"If it really meant nothing, then why are you so hurt? I can sense your emotions."

"No, don't do this, Snape! Nothing happened and I want you to leave!"

"Just talk to me!" Severus snapped, having enough of the confusion and avoidance.

Lupin frowned as he suddenly turned around, not looking at Severus, he picked up his book on the coffee table and hugged it close to his chest. "I would like you to leave," he said, throwing the portrait door open, not saying anything else, only glaring at him.

Completely frustrated and disappointed, Severus knew he wasn't getting through to the stubborn werewolf, so he quickly made his departure.

"I'll meet you and Harry at Grimmauld place tomorrow morning," Lupin said stiffly, before slamming the door shut in Severus' face.

* * *

Severus sulked the rest of the night, completely sure that Lupin hated him now. He was only able to sleep an hour after dawn, when it was time to wake up Harry and meet Lupin. He didn't want to see the wolf right now. Ashamed and embarrassed of how the night turned out, he forced himself out of bed and into the shower. Lost in his thoughts, and the memory of the anguish in those golden eyes, Severus let the hot water travel down his back. Severus was trying his hardest to not get so upset over the stupid wolf. He had to stop with this obsession. It wasn't good for him, it was distracting him. He should be figuring out the danger Harry was in, not wasting his time with idle thoughts of a werewolf.

Once he was showered and dressed, Severus entered Harry's bedroom. The kid was still asleep. He really didn't have the heart to wake him, for Harry was finally starting to sleep through the night without being woken by nightmares. Nightmares of Black's death, or of his relatives, or the Dark Lord….

Severus gently nudged Harry's shoulder, and then rubbed his back. The teen groaned in his sleep.

"It's time you wake up, Harry," he said.

Harry turned over and opened his eyes.

"It's early, Sev...," he muttered as he stretched.

"I know…. Get dressed and I'll explain everything as you eat breakfast."

Harry groaned and covered his face with his blanket. Severus tried not to roll his eyes as he ruffled his son's hair. "I'm going to check up on you in ten minutes," he said.

"Mmkay," Harry mumbled as he rolled off his bed and onto the floor. Severus snorted at the teen's antics.

"Being too sleepy that your legs can't move, isn't going to work this time," Severus forced himself to say sternly as he left the room and closed the door.

Ten minutes later, Harry was seated at the table with a plate of eggs and toast in front of him.

"So why are we up so early?" Harry asked as Severus sat down across from him with a cup of tea, trying to stop thinking about Lupin's words last night.

"Lupin received Black's will," Severus said.

Harry put his fork down quietly, frowning. "I didn't think he left one… why was it recovered so late?" he asked.

"What I recall…Professor Dumbledore has mentioned that they had a hard time finding it, I'm guessing it was finally found and sent to Lupin."

"Who found it?" Harry asked, his breakfast now forgotten.

"I'm not really sure at the moment, only that Lupin had it... he said you were left with the house, the house-elf and all his possessions, including half his fortune. The other half, along with some muggle instrument goes to Lupin."

"You talked to Remus last night?" Harry asked, smiling a little as he pushed his eggs around in his plate.

Severus shrugged as he sipped at his hot tea. "I bumped into him," he said nonchalantly. "Finish up your breakfast," he then said quickly.

Harry looked at him. Severus just drank his tea and glanced at the clock.

"We better get going, we are meeting the wolf at Grimmauld place."

"I'm not sure if I want to go there…," Harry mumbled. "What are we going to do anyway? I don't want anything."

"Lupin, I believe, is going to pick up the instrument. And well, you have to decide what you're going to do with Black's possessions."

"I don't want any of it, Severus," Harry said again. "It's all just useless junk from his family. Sirius was chucking everything out last summer anyway."

"I thought you might say that," Severus said as he finished his tea. "How about you just take some of his treasured possessions like photographs and such…,and whatever you don't want, just leave it to me and Lupin."

Harry nodded, "alright…I'm not really hungry anymore, Sev."

Severus sighed and stood up, taking Harry's full plate and placing it in the oven. Normally he would make Harry eat at least half, but this time he decided to let him slide, knowing full well that Harry always had trouble eating when upset.

"Are you okay, Harry?" he asked, worried how the sudden appearance of Black's will might affect the child.

Harry shrugged, "I haven't been there since...," he stopped abruptly.

"I know...," Severus said softly.

"What if I can't go in?" Harry asked with a worried look.

"I'll be there and so will Lupin. You're not alone in this, Harry," Severus promised.

Harry stood up and hugged him briefly. "I know...," he whispered.

* * *

Remus was early as he let himself into Grimmauld place. He couldn't sleep at all last night after Severus left. The memory of last night flashed through his mind and he shook it away. He truly felt bad for pushing Severus away. The man had come seeking for answers and Remus wouldn't give them to him. Guilt made him feel hot with embarrassment, as he remembered the persistent look in Severus' black eyes, and the hurt in them as Remus pushed him away.

_He deserves better…. Not someone like me..._

And plus, how could he give Severus a chance? When the memory of Sirius still held him back.

The hallways in Grimmauld place was empty and dark, dust was coating the furniture. No one had been in here since Sirius died.

He slowly made his way up the stairs, the portraits were all staring at him and muttering profanities. He saw no sign of the house-elf and he did not care, for the elf too had played a part in Sirius' death.

Once he reached the landing, he saw the door. The black door that had the plague... **Sirius Orion Black**….

All the times Remus had been in this room, the good and the bad…a time of laughter, love, shouting and fighting. A time where Remus was glad Sirius was back, then realizing he was never truly back at all. The Sirius he knew was lost years ago. And he felt so guilty for thinking that. Pain stabbed him in the heart, as he thought of the last words he said to Sirius before he died. Remus pushed open the door quietly, slowly at first. The room was cold, empty, but due to his werewolf senses, Remus could still smell Sirius' scent. It caused his heart to ache so badly, longing to see his face, to hear his voice one more time….

Remus walked around the room, examining the trinkets on the shelves, fingering the few books Sirius had on his bookshelves, rolling his eyes at the muggle posters of girls.

Besides the bed on the wall, above the night table, were pictures of the Marauders at school. He could see the carefree smiles on his face and on his friends. They were once his family. Remus had a place to belong, a boyfriend he loved so very much, and then everything was ripped away. Remus would had given anything to be young again, a teenager, still safe behind the walls of Hogwarts. Safe from the cruelty of war and loss and heartache.

After a few bittersweet moments of remembering his Hogwarts days, Remus tore his eyes away from the old photos. Next to the night table, leaning against the wall, was Sirius' guitar. Remus picked it up and sat on the bed, fingering the strings and playing a few of the chords. It sounded horrible. He smiled at the memory when Sirius first played this guitar and how bad he sounded, until James' dad taught him to play the summer he stayed with them, after running away.

James never had patience for learning to play guitar. They had all thought Sirius wouldn't either, for he was always the most energetic of the group. Sirius had proved them all wrong. Remus had never seen him work so hard. James' dad was proud, telling everyone that Sirius was a natural, and Sirius was. He was so talented with music. He loved it and used it to express how he felt. He used it to express the hurt and pain he felt from the rejection of his family, and the love he felt for Remus. Remus closed his eyes, wishing he can just hear one more song from him, hear his soft deep voice. It always calmed Remus on the nights before the full moon, it always took away his restlessness and anxiety. Even James and Peter managed to sit and listen to a couple of Sirius' songs during their last two years of school.

And thanks to Sirius, it was because of him that Remus knew how to play and sing. Sirius had taught him during their seventh year. Remus tuned the guitar, playing the chords until he was able to find the right tune. Wishing Sirius was sitting behind him, guiding him with his soft touches and voice. He could almost feel him, he could sense the spirit of Sirius in the room, and he never felt so warm until now.

"I can still feel you, Padfoot, I know you haven't left yet," Remus sighed deeply, tears running down his cheeks. He couldn't help it. He felt so alone lately. So alone and in pain for the loss of Sirius. And the memories of his time with Greyback, still haunted him at night, to the point where he was afraid to sleep. Nightmares that trapped him in darkness and pain, voices of his capturers whispered in his ears as they beat him and cursed him. And the haunted eyes of Kaylie, was always watching him, eyes that should be full of light, but was now red, angry and bitter. For it was always going to be Remus' fault that she died. He didn't realize as he was thinking, that he was playing the guitar. He didn't even know what he was playing, perhaps something that he made up, but it sounded just as he felt, and the tears were now coming down fast. He dropped the guitar on his lap and covered his face in his hands.

"Stop crying," he said to himself. His breathing quickened but he forced himself to calm down. He was never one to cry, never one to give into to such weakness, always playing the strong one. But now…he didn't have the strength to fight back the tears. Tears coming from the raw grief and pain he felt inside.

* * *

The place was eerie and dark as Severus stepped inside the house. He made sure Harry stayed behind him, guiding them by the light of his wand. Severus still hadn't given Harry's back.

"Stay behind me," Severus said.

"This place is creepy," Harry said, echoing Severus' thoughts.

Severus didn't say anything as he walked slowly down the hall to the parlor, kitchen, sitting room, dining room….

They then headed upstairs, the walls of the house creaking with every step they took.

"Do you think Remus is here yet?" Harry whispered, as they reached the landing where the bedrooms of Black and his brother were located.

"I don't know. If he is, he might be in Black's room," Severus answered.

Harry nodded as they walked silently to the mutt's bedroom. Severus opened the door to a Remus Lupin sitting on the bed, covering his face and breathing heavily, with a guitar on his lap.

"Remus?" Harry asked in concerned.

Lupin looked up, eyes completely golden and red from crying. The wolf hesitated, and Severus knew he didn't want Harry to see him like this.

"Harry, why you don't give us a moment…," he said, eyes meeting the wolf's.

Harry looked as if he wanted to protest, but another glance at how withdrawn and upset Lupin looked, Harry nodded. "I'll go look for Kreacher," he said.

"Be careful, son, here take this." He handed Harry his wand.

"Sev, your wand?" Harry whispered, casting a bewildered look at Severus.

"I don't want you wandering the halls of Grimmauld place unarmed. Who knows what vile creatures lurk about. Can I trust you not to harm yourself?"

Harry nodded, "you can trust me."

Severus nodded before Harry went downstairs in search of Kreacher. He then shut the door, and made his way to the werewolf who was still looking at him.

Severus sat down on the bed next to him, not really knowing what to say. He was really never good at this talking thing. It took him awhile to get used to talking openly with Harry.

"He loved this guitar," Lupin whispered as he strummed the chords, the tears stopped flowing, his eyes and face red.

"Why don't you play something?" Severus whispered, curious to see what Lupin can do.

Lupin shook his head, "I haven't played anything in years and he never finished teaching me."

"Just play something simple," Severus said.

Lupin sighed and started strumming the guitar.

Severus watched him quietly, not moving, not saying anything at all, only observing.

"_Blackbird singing in the dead of night _

_Take these broken wings and learn to fly_

_All your life _

_You've been only waiting for this moment to arise,"_ Lupin sang, his voice so deep, full of anguish and longing. Severus tried his best to not touch him. He didn't want the werewolf to stop. He was afraid he would upset him and then he would leave.

"_Blackbird singing in the dead of night_

_Take these sunken eyes and learn to see_

_All your life_

_You were only waiting for this moment to be free."_

Severus watched, so entranced by Lupin's voice, so entranced by the emotions he felt and put them into song. He had never seen anything like it.

"_Blackbird fly_

_Blackbird fly_

_Into the light of the dark black night."_

And then Lupin was staring at him, golden eyes now back to the beautiful hazel-green.

_Just like the forest_, Severus thought.

Suddenly his hand was on Lupin's face again and they were closer. He stopped breathing. His senses filled with the scent, sight and sound of the one person that Severus couldn't stop dreaming about.

_Is this moment real?_ He thought. _Or am I still dreaming?_

His hand was suddenly in Lupin's hair. The golden strands felt so soft between his fingers. And he wondered what it would be like to kiss him.

"_Blackbird fly_

_Blackbird fly_

_Into the light of the dark black night…."_

And then Severus leant in. And too his surprise, his lips met Lupin's. Warm lips touched his, a hand was on his neck. Time slowed down. The world stopped spinning. And all Severus knew, was the fact that he was kissing Lupin. His heart was beating so fast in his chest. And longing, the feeling so strong, to be closer to this man, burst out of him so strong, that he forced himself to pull away. Leaving them both with red lips, breathless, and in Lupin's case ruffled hair.

They stared at each other for a few moments, not really sure what just happened. Not sure what to say, what they felt….

Severus just knew that there was something. That kiss meant something. All the tension that built up over the past few weeks was in that kiss. And he knew in his heart, that Severus had to be with Remus. Now he knew why he was so crazy, why he couldn't think over the past week. For he was in love with this man.

Somehow his hatred had disappeared. The resentment and hatred he felt towards the wolf, slowly faded, only to be replace with this strange feeling Severus never had much experience with… love. But he wasn't ready to say that allowed just yet.

Now that he knew what he felt, for it was at the tip of his tongue, fear held him back. Fear of rejection, and fear of opening up. Of giving up his soul, mind and heart to someone else, fear of being hurt. The last time Severus had loved someone was Lily and she was gone. Severus could still remember the pain he felt after she chose James Potter, the pain of seeing her happy with someone else and the pain her death gave him. He still felt it sometimes, and he wondered if he gave his heart another chance, would everything turn out okay or will it end disastrous?

Severus shyly looked at Lupin who seemed to have his own battles in his mind. He slowly stood up, still holding the guitar.

"Whatever this is," Lupin muttered. "It cannot happen."

Severus stared back at him. "Why not?" he drawled, trying to remain nonchalant. As if those words weren't stabbing him in the heart.

Lupin shook his head, looking sadly at Severus. And it was in his eyes, in the whirl of emotions of guilt and grief, where Severus found his answer.

"You're still in love with Black," Severus said slowly.

Lupin nodded slowly, "this wasn't supposed to happen, Severus. This is why I tried to stay away from you. I can't be with you when I still love Sirius."

Severus was suddenly numb to his surroundings. Lupin's words began to sound muffled. Rage coursed through him, he stood up and glared at Lupin, his walls going back up.

Severus was feeling smothered and hot in Black's room. He couldn't understand what Lupin was saying. He didn't care. He didn't want to know. The only thing he knew, was that Lupin did not want to be with him, he was rejecting him because of the stupid mutt. Severus turned and left the room, stomping down the stairs. He expected Lupin to go after him but there were no footsteps behind him, no one called his name.

_Why should I even expect anything more? _

"Harry!" Severus shouted.

His son appeared from the kitchen with Kreacher behind them.

"What happened, Sev? Where's Remus?"

Severus ignored the questions. He just had to go, he couldn't stay in this place any longer. "What are you going to do with that elf?" he snapped as he snatched his wand back.

"I don't want him," Harry said, shooting him a worried glance.

"Very well, he can work at Hogwarts. Order him to go to Dumbledore!" Severus snapped again, not noticing Harry flinch at his tone.

"Okay, um, Kreacher go to Hogwarts and find Professor Dumbledore. Tell him I ordered you to work in the kitchens."

Kreacher gave Harry a loathing look before Apparating to Hogwarts.

"Come, we are leaving!" Severus shouted.

He turned towards the door, his black robes billowing around his feet. He ignored Harry's questions of what happened, he was too angry and too much in pain. Too embarrassed for what just happened. He hated Lupin. The very sight of that man made his blood boil. And he was crazy to think that for a second, he might had been falling for him. He was a fool, a bloody fool, for getting distracted where there were far more important matters at stake!

**A/N: So what do you guys think? I'm sorry for the late updates. I've been working a lot =( Thank you for all the reviews and follows/favs! Let me know if there are any mistakes, typos, grammar issues… I always miss them!**

**So what do you think is going to happen to Severus and Remus now? Was Severus right to get upset at Remus? Will Remus ever get over Sirius? And what do you think of the little music scene? And their kiss? Please review! I want to hear your thoughts. =) – Chase'sGirl19**

**Review Responses**

**Aixx: ****Thanks for the push, haha, after I read your comment this morning at 7am, I forced myself out of bed to finish this. I hope you like it!**

**Ashleaporterwashere:**** I asked myself that same question, and my twin sister asked me too after I forced her to read chapters 23-24. And yes, I've decided that Severus is bisexual. So obsessed with Lily as a teen and always involved in the dark arts, he never had the chance to think about and figure out his sexuality. That is why he was so surprised and in denial of his feelings for Remus. Thanks for your compliments! And I hoped you enjoyed this chapter and my dedication! =)**

**DahliaCrow:**** I'm not sure what your review means lol**

**Makurayami Ookami:****Thank you for all your reviews! =) I know poor Severus… if you noticed... he has developed a tea addiction due to his stress lol**

**Gypskl79****: I know! =( **

**Schattenjagd:**** Thanks for your review on how Severus was able to help Harry right away. And thank you for letting me know about the grammar mistakes. It's weird, I never notice anything until after I post it or someone points it out. I'll look over my chapters and fix them. How do I find a beta?**

**Kendra Dhyanna:**** I know you think the genre should be angst, and I can see why. You have good reason to believe that, but I think I'm just going to stick with my genre of family/hurt and comfort. My story isn't going to be all angst. The characters are hurt right now, and lost, but they will learn in time that they aren't alone, they have each other, and maybe, perhaps they will have a happy ending. Thank you for telling me btw and I loved your review. =)**

**PotterGirl19:**** Thank you! I hoped you like this one as well! =)**

**Guest****: I know! I want to cry too at my future chapters! And thanks for reviewing! Tell me your thoughts on the new one!**

**Sakraprace:**** Aw, I cried while writing the adoption scene lol. Yes I've noticed that they do dance around each other, Remus and Severus have so many issues and pain, and it's going to take a while before they both realize they need each other. Thanks for reviewing!**


	26. Chapter 26 Return What is Mine

**Chapter Twenty-Six – Return What is Mine**

**A/N: There are some changes regarding the time of the full moon. I bumped the day so it can fit in with the next few chapters.. and I added a tiny scene where Severus gives Harry his wand and invisibility cloak for the trip to Diagon Alley.**

"Sev, what happened?" Harry shouted, tearing his arm away from the professor. They had just Apparated in front of the Hogwarts gates. The professor was in a mood and Harry wanted to know why.

"Why are you mad?"

Severus looked at him, rage in his black eyes. Harry glared at him, determined to not back down, even though Severus was looking a lot like Uncle Vernon at the moment.

_He is not my uncle...,_ Harry said to himself.

Severus shook his head. "It's nothing...," he muttered. "Come," he said, walking through the gates and towards the castle in a fast pace, Harry almost had to jog to keep up.

"It's not nothing," Harry said. "You look pissed and you're walking really fast. Did Remus say something to you?"

Severus scowled, not saying anything, possibly walking faster than before.

"What happened?" Harry shouted.

Severus whirled around, "just leave it!" he growled.

Harry sighed, "okay…but please, don't take your mood out on me."

"What are you, I'm not..."

"You're snapping at me!"

Severus looked at him, "I'm sorry, kid," he frowned.

"It's okay...I just want to know why your mad."

"I'm not mad I'm just..."

"What?"

Severus only shook his head.

"You always make me tell you what I'm feeling, and yet, you hardly tell me what you're feeling."

Severus stopped walking, he looked at his charge, thinking about his words, before shaking his head in defeat. "You're too stubborn for your own good, do you know that?"

Harry smiled, "something I picked up from you, perhaps."

"Or from your mother," Severus shrugged. "Come, let's go to the Quidditch pitch, you can fly your broom, you haven't been out in a while."

"Yes!" Harry shouted and led the way to the Quidditch pitch. He grabbed his broom from the broom shed, while Severus picked up one of the Slytherin's Nimbus 2001's.

"You're going to fly with me?" Harry grinned.

"I need to blow off some steam," Severus only muttered.

"So you're still not going to tell me what's going on?"

Severus frowned, not saying anything. He only threw a leg over his broom and lifted off the ground.

Harry sighed in frustration and followed after the moody professor.

As soon as he was in the air, Harry could feel the wind on his face, he forced himself to remain calm and not fly off. He really wanted Severus to tell him why he was so upset.

"It was just something Lupin said to me…," Severus said quietly.

"You two gotten into a bloody argument again? About what?"

"Language..., and yeah, sort of…."

"About..?"

"Why are you so cheeky?"

"I'm cheeky and stubborn now?" Harry laughed, not able to contain himself any longer, he flew up high in the air, putting on a burst of speed until he was flying against the bright blue sky. He then flew down to Severus, doing a loop around him, then stopped, hovering in the air next to him

"Now you're stubborn, cheeky and a showoff," Severus laughed. Harry grinned, happy that he was able to make his dad feel better.

"You don't have to tell me what you guys argued about, Sev, just please don't be mad at him forever. I don't want to have to end up choosing between the two of you. It's possible I might end up choosing you and I don't want to hurt Remus."

"You would choose me?"

"Yeah you're my...," Harry stopped, he almost said the word, he only said it once before in a moment. Now he was afraid. He saw Severus as his dad, but he was too shy to actually say it out loud again. Harry only shrugged.

Severus seemed to know what he was feeling, for he simply just nudged him and smiled. "I bet you can't beat me across the field," he said, suddenly taking off to the opposite goal post.

"Hey, I wasn't ready!" Harry shouted leaning forward, flat on his broom, gaining a spurt of speed to catch up to Severus.

* * *

"I think it's time for lunch," Severus said as he flew back down the ground, both of them feeling hot and tired from the blinding sun that was now high in the sky.

He had to admit flying with his son calmed him down a lot, but he was still feeling angry from what happened that morning with Lupin. He then scowled in annoyance when he realized that he had to get started on the Wolfsbane Potion, since the full moon was approaching in one week's time. He looked at his son who was flying slowly back to the ground. Has it been nearly two months already since he brought Harry to live with him? Where had the time gone? No more was Harry that angry teenager, now he seemed better, full of life again and possibly happy. Severus smiled as his son joined him.

"Why are you smiling at me?" Harry asked.

Severus put an arm around him. "We have to fly together more often," was all he said.

As they walked back to the castle, Severus noticed Harry shooting worried glances every now and than, so he sighed, "I'm okay now, Harry, I'm not upset anymore."

Harry sighed in relief.

"I wasn't that mean to you," he said.

"You kind of were…."

"I apologize, Harry, I didn't mean to lash out on you." His tone of voice was full of guilt.

Harry shrugged, "its okay, you made it up by playing Quidditch with me. You're pretty terrible, Sev."

* * *

They soon finally reached their quarters. Severus right away began taking out some stuff for sandwiches while Harry disappeared into his room, saying something about taking a quick shower.

As he cooked, Severus tried not to let his thoughts travel to Lupin, but as always he failed. He couldn't help but think how that kiss felt. He felt sparks, he felt something. Surely Lupin felt it too? Even if he was still in love with Black. Severus felt Remus press against his lips, his hand, warm, soft, on his neck. _Was he in to it just as I was? Or was he pushing me away the whole time? Did I make myself look like a fool?_ Those questions drove him crazy. He had to know, but he was too embarrassed to go to Lupin and ask. Anger and frustration filled him inside, taking over every emotion he felt towards the wolf. If he wanted to be hung up on his dead ex-boyfriend, then so be it! He wasn't going to stand around and wait for him to be ready, if that was the wolf wanted. Severus had better things to do than wait for that hopeless mutt!

He placed the two plates filled with turkey and ham sandwiches on the table, just as Harry walked in with fresh clothes and wet hair that was sticking up all over the place.

"I hope you're hungry," he pushed a plate towards him.

"Thanks, Sev, yeah I'm starving."

"Of course, you didn't eat breakfast."

Harry shrugged and dug in, Severus started to eat his own sandwich but he couldn't really eat. The emotions of embarrassment, shame, anger, and longing to talk to Lupin, and nervousness was all mixed in one giant ball in his stomach, threatening him to throw back up anything he ate. After he managed half, he put his sandwich down.

"I'm going to be in my lab, brewing Wolfsbane, the full moon is next week. Meanwhile, I want you to occupy yourself until dinner."

"Can I visit Remus?"

Severus looked at him, wondering if he just wanted to go to find out more of the argument.

"I want to practice dueling…and I kind of want to talk to Remus about Sirius' will."

"I also want you to apologize for disrespecting him a few days ago."

Harry nodded, "I will, sir."

"Very well, I'll walk you to his office."

They were quiet as they walked down the corridors on the way to Lupin's office, until they were standing in front of Lupin's portrait door. Severus' heart was beating hard in his chest, again, the enormous ball of mixed emotions threatened to bring back up his lunch. The memory of Lupin's warm lips against his made him blush, and how much of a fool he made himself look to Lupin, then quickly replaced by anger as Lupin pushed him away.

"Do your best, Harry," he said, before Harry can say the password.

"Here, you'll need this," he said, handing Harry his wand. "I'll be back to pick you up in two hours. Is that enough time for you?"

Harry nodded, "that's more than enough." He took the wand, holding it tightly. Severus could see how relieved and happy he looked to be with his wand again.

"Once the summer is over and you have no more accidents, you may have your wand back."

Harry smiled, "I promise I won't hurt myself again."

"I know you won't," Severus whispered, hugging his son before disappearing down the corridor, while Harry said, "blackbird."

Blackbird…the song Lupin sang….

Severus was never one for music when he was a child living in the muggle world. He recognized that song Lupin sang... Blackbird...from some music band he remembered was quite popular than...but he couldn't remember the name.

_Did Black teach him that song?_ he suddenly wondered, jealousy again taking over. He scowled as he continued onto his lab, _why do I even care!_

* * *

"Anteoculatia!" Remus shouted, laughing as Harry suddenly sprouted up antlers.

"I knew you had Prongs somewhere in you!" he laughed.

Harry smirked and shouted, "Levicorpus!"

"Protego!" Remus was not entirely distracted from his laughter, managing to throw up a shield. He had to admit that his cub was fast. Better than the last time he had seen Harry duel, thanks to Severus.

"Stupefy!" Harry shouted.

"Protego!" he blocked the spell and before Harry could throw up another spell, Remus shouted, "Confundo!"

Harry blocked it and shouted, "Avis!"

Birds surrounded Remus pecking at his face and flying in his hair.

"Expelliarmus!"

He felt his wand wiggle out of his hand, he held on to it and conjured the birds away.

"I think that's enough for today," Remus said breathlessly, shaking off the feathers from his robes and hair.

"You're doing great, you almost disarmed me!" Remus praised as they walked back to his quarters. Remus led him into the kitchen. "Are you thirsty, cub?" he asked. Harry sat in the kitchen table. He only shrugged, suddenly quiet. Remus frowned, wondering what was going on in his cub's mind.

He gave Harry a butterbeer and sat down also.

"Harry, are you okay?"

Harry held the butterbeer in his hand, staring at the golden liquid. "I'm sorry for that night...," he said. "For the way I acted and what I said..."

Remus forced himself to not put a hand on Harry's shoulder to comfort him, he remembered how sensitive Harry was to adults touching him.

"I understand why you acted like that, there is no need to apologize. I shouldn't have pushed you into talking, the fault was entirely mine," Remus said.

Harry sighed, "I'm just not ready to tell you what happened...," he whispered. "I wish I could, but I just…, it took me awhile to talk to Severus..."

"Just tell me when you're ready, Harry. I'm not going anywhere, I'm willing to wait and earn back your trust."

Harry nodded, "thanks, Remus..." He took a small sip of his butterbeer. "Are you okay..? You looked really upset this morning."

Remus frowned, he didn't want his cub to see him like that. "It was just hard... being in Sirius' room. And I had his guitar... he loved that thing."

"I didn't know he played guitar."

"He did and he was amazing, cub, I wish you could've heard him play."

"Can you play guitar?"

Remus shrugged, "a little…." He stood up and disappeared, then came back with the guitar in his hands. He strummed the chords a little as a thought struck him, he was so wrapped up in his own grief and anger towards Severus and Sirius, he didn't even think about how this might be affecting Harry.

"Forgive me, cub, but I didn't even ask how you were doing..."

"It's okay, Remus...I'm okay, I thought it was going to be hard honestly, but it wasn't that bad, he hated that house anyway. I don't even want any of it."

Remus nodded thoughtfully, "I'll gather up all of his personal items for you and then we can auction off the house."

"Or maybe you can have it, Remus. So you have somewhere to go when you're not teaching at Hogwarts."

Remus thought about the offer, not really wanting to stay at the dark house that imprisoned Sirius, filled with memories. "I don't think I can live there…," he said quietly. "But thanks for thinking of that."

Harry shrugged and drank more butterbeer.

Remus played with the chords again, this time Harry looked up and asked, "can you show me how to play?"

"Of course." He handed Harry the guitar, instructing him where to put his hands, his cub wasn't bad.

Suddenly there was a knock on the door.

Harry stood up and handed Remus back the guitar. "That must be Severus," he said.

Remus stood up and opened the portrait door. He looked away from Severus, not able to meet his gaze. Severus didn't look at him either, the moment that passed between them had created a rift between them. "Come, Harry," Severus' voice was tensed. Remus tried not to flinch, his heart twinging in pain. And he had to remind himself why he couldn't be with the man standing outside his door. _Because of Sirius…_ he thought.

Harry gave Remus a small hug, Remus hugged him back. "Come back again, cub," he said. "The next dueling practice will be after the full moon I'm afraid."

Harry nodded in understanding.

And then his cub was gone and the silence of his quarters was suddenly too much to bear. Remus sighed and picked up Sirius' guitar and started to play. Letting the music take away the awful silence and distract him from his thoughts.

* * *

The last of the week went by uneventful, Remus would eat with the returning staff members in the hall. He always made polite conversation with them, sometimes lying through his teeth that he was okay from his failed mission. In truth, Remus was not okay. Every night he was woken by nightmares. Nightmares of Greyback and his putrid breath, glowing eyes and the sick laughter as he tortured Remus. Nightmares of Kaylie with hate filled eyes, blaming him for her death. The nightmares were becoming so bad... that he stayed up all night, either playing Sirius' guitar, reading, or working on his lesson plans.

During the day, he was able to hide behind his mask, distract himself from the horrors he lived again in his dreams. Sometimes he would hang out with Harry, who was starting to open up to him a little. Remus thought about his cub fondly, he couldn't help but be proud of him, knowing that living with Severus was helping him a lot. Speaking of Severus, Remus hadn't seen much of the dark wizard, only when they would pass each other or when Severus would pick Harry up from his quarters, sometimes Severus would ignore him or throw out a cruel remark to him concerning his shabby robes or on him being a werewolf. It hurt Remus a little to hear those scathing remarks from Severus. The Potions Master hated him now, but it was Remus' own fault for pushing him away.

Remus shook his thoughts away, trying to focus on the last of his lesson plans before the new school term starts next Monday. The full moon was tomorrow night. He could already feel the sorness of his muscles, the sharpened senses and his temperament being more sensitive than usual. He wondered if Severus was going to keep his word and brew the Wolfsbane Potion for him. Remus doubted it after what happened last week. He decided not to even ask, as he mentally prepared himself for the trip up to the shrieking shack.

The said person that Remus was trying hard not to think about came into the staff room. Once he saw Remus sitting at a table near the fireplace, he scowled and stalked towards him, slamming a corked potion bottle down on the table.

"You're Wolfsbane," he said scornfully, black, onyx eyes hard. Remus just looked at him in shock as he turned away, leaving the staffroom and before Remus knew what he was doing, he was running after him, ignoring the looks of the other staff members in the room.

"Severus! Severus, wait!" he shouted.

The Potion Master turned, "what is that you want, Lupin? I cannot afford to waste time with idle conversation with my son's pet werewolf!"

Remus tried not to flinch at the remark. "We have to talk."

"No, we have nothing to talk about, wolf, and now get out of my way."

"Look I know what I said hurt you…."

"Shut it, wolf," Severus whispered, looking around before manhandling him to a secluded classroom.

Severus let go of him quickly and shut the door.

"Severus, look I just wanted to apologize…."

"Save it, Lupin, what you said gave me a wakeup call, it was foolish of me. I had forgotten that you were a beast," he moved to leave the classroom, but Remus stepped in front of him.

"Severus, look, we can't keep dancing around each other!"

Severus gave him a withering glare. "Try me, Lupin," he snarled.

Remus rolled his eyes. "At least around Harry we have to be civil around each other, he is starting to notice something is wrong."

"He is starting to notice normalcy, he's always known that I've hated you and your little friends!"

Remus stepped back, "oh, so you do hate me," he said quietly.

"What did you expect, wolf!" Severus scowled before he left the room, leaving Remus alone in the empty classroom, pain filling his heart.

* * *

Severus was in a rotten mood this morning. At six in the morning, he had finally finished brewing the Wolfsbane potion and brought it up to Lupin who was in the staffroom. He tried to be as nonchalant and fast as possible, but the stupid wolf had different ideas. Severus scowled in frustration as he cleared up his living room, to frustrated to bother calling a house-elf to do it. He just needed to control his rage, before he woke up Harry for their Diagon Ally trip today with the Weasleys. He picked up Harry's Quidditch Through the Ages book from under the table and his practice snitch from the sofa, and placed them on the coffee table. He sat down on his armchair and closed his eyes, trying not to think of how hurt the werewolf sounded when Severus told him he hated him.

_I'm giving him what he wanted!_ Severus snarled to himself. Lupin clearly didn't want to be with him, Severus all but threw himself at him, with his bloody heart on his sleeve and the werewolf rejected him for Black. Even in death, Black seemed to be ruining Severus' life still! Unable to sit still any longer in frustration for Lupin, and anxiety for what the day will bring him, Severus stood up and decided to cook a quick breakfast for him and Harry.

Severus was worried for the trip to Diagon Ally. As the weeks went by, he had been reading the daily prophet. At first, it started out with a missing person, or a dementor attack, then it started getting worse. Everyday there was a death, everyday someone was missing, the wizarding world was now falling to the hands of the Dark Lord. Despair, violence and death was what everyone expected to read in the daily prophet. A remainder to Severus every morning, that the safety of the castle, of the calm life he and Harry had right now, was just temporary. Soon the war would reach them, soon everything was going to change, and death would be on their doorstep.

"Good morning, Sev," Harry mumbled as he shuffled inside the kitchen, still in his pajamas.

"You're up?" Severus turned, as he flipped over a pancake.

"And you're making pancakes? What's the occasion?" Harry grinned.

Severus narrowed his eyes at him. "It's going to be a long day… why are you up so early? I usually have to drag you out of bed."

Harry shrugged, his sleepy, yet, cheerful mood quickly disappearing.

Severus frowned and turned off the stove, placing the last of the pancakes on the plate. He knew that look.

"What was your nightmare about?" he asked, as he placed a plate in front of Harry.

"I don't remember much of it anymore…." Harry looked down at his plate.

"Tell me the parts you remember," Severus said encouragingly.

"I dreamed that I was running after you, I was calling your name, and I felt mad at you…really mad. Voldemort was laughing and I woke up." Harry rubbed at his scar. "It wasn't a vision, at least I don't think it was…."

"If it wasn't a vision...then it must be something you are stressing over. Dreams that are caused by anxiety usually are of pursuit, falling, or of embarrassment. It sounds like you are stressing over something. What has been on your mind?"

Harry shrugged, "can't we wait until later to talk about it?"

Severus gave him a severe look. "No, we are not putting this off until you blow up."

Harry sighed "I...don't…."

Severus glared as Harry continually rubbed at his scar.

Thoroughly concerned now, Severus stood up, walked around the table, and knelt down in front of the upset teen. He pried Harry's arms away from his face.

"You can tell me anything," he said. "I won't judge, or laugh, or get angry, I'm your father now. I'm here for you."

"I just have this feeling, Sev, everything is going okay for now. But it won't last. This is the calm before the storm and I'm afraid that I'm going to lose you before this war ends. I see the headlines on the daily prophet. I see how worried you get each time you red that paper, and your always staring at your dark mark."

"Listen to me, Harry, I understand why you are upset. We are in dark times right now, but that doesn't mean you will lose me. I've said this before and I will say it again, no matter what happens, no matter what I do, or what side of the war we end up on, I will always be your dad. I will always love you and be there for you. I don't want you to stress over losing me, enjoy what we have as long as you can…okay?"

Harry nodded, "okay…."

"Are you alright now?"

Harry gave him a small smile and hugged him "I'm glad you kidnapped me from the Dursleys."

That statement caused Severus to laugh out loud, surprising Harry and even himself.

He then waved his wand, until Harry's wand and invisibility cloak appeared on the table.

"Sev?" Harry exclaimed in surprised, his green eyes glowing at the sight of his favorite possessions.

"I want you to be safe today," Severus only said. "Once we return they are going back to my office."

Harry only nodded as he picked up his wand and held it tight in his hand.

* * *

As soon as Severus stepped out of the Weasleys' fireplace, he spotted Harry running upstairs with his friends. The ruckus of the Weasley children filled the house as Arthur greeted him into the kitchen, handing him a cup of tea. Arthur sat across from him, the daily prophet was laying on the table.

"It's good to see that you and Harry are doing well together," Arthur said. "It's a pretty gloomy day to go out school shopping, I can tell you that."

Severus nodded in agreement, reading the headlines on the daily prophet.

"They found Karkaroff's body?" Severus asked. Arthur nodded and gave him the paper. Severus skimmed the article, apparently they found his body somewhere in the north, with the dark mark over the sky. He knew there was a head over Karkaroff, he was just surprised the Death Eaters killed him and no one had yet to inform him. The silence of the Dark Lord was now starting to worry him. He hadn't been called to a meeting in days. It scared him for what the Dark Lord was planning. Silence was never a good sign. A lesson he had learned when he was young and new to the Dark Lord's ranks.

"I'm surprised he even made it that long to be honest, Severus, more things are happening. The death toll is through the roof and I wouldn't be surprised if the muggles start to suspect something...," Arthur stopped talking, yelling was heard from upstairs.

"And that goes for returning to Hogwarts as well!" Molly shouted, she stomped down the stairs, not noticing Severus in the kitchen, as she went into the laundry room, muttering about her kids.

Severus shot Arthur a confused look. "What was that about?" he asked.

"Molly, she's really nervous about today, a couple of nights ago she had a fit, saying she didn't want Ron and Ginny returning to Hogwarts. I managed to calm her down. She is just really worried, and the stories some of the Order brings, isn't helping at all."

"She should know that Hogwarts is the safest place to be," Severus frowned. "With Albus and I there, not to mention half the staff are part of the Order, there is no safer place for the children to be right now."

"I know that's what I told her, it took a while, but I was able to make her see sense, and I don't blame her, really…."

"I don't either," Severus muttered. He probably would had done the same if he had been in Molly's and Arthur's position. He would do anything to protect Harry.

"Severus!" Molly greeted as she entered the kitchen. Severus stood up as Molly briefly hugged him. "I'm so glad to see you and Harry. How has he been fairing with you?"

"He's doing great," Severus awkwardly hugged her back, not really used to being randomly hugged.

He sat back down as Molly began to clear up the breakfast on the table.

"I was wondering if you found out anything more from Harry's attack from the last Order meeting."

Severus shook his head. "Every lead that Albus and I had, keeps leading us to dead ends. We are just going to have to keep a close eye on Harry, and wait for the next move. I know Harry is not going to like all the extra security today, but he is just going to have to bear with it until we catch the culprit."

A honking sound from outside interrupted their conversation.

"Oh! Those are the Ministry cars!" Arthur said, looking out the window.

Molly called for the kids to come down from the stairs. Severus stood up and dumped his tea out in the sink, before joining the Weasley band, Granger, with surprisingly, a black eye, and his son, on their way to Diagon Ally.

* * *

Diagon Ally was not at all what it used to be. No more were the stores gleaming with merchandise and crowded with shoppers. The day so gloomy, so grey, that it reflected the state of the ally. Grey, gloomy, depressing, and empty, and deserted….

Posters that stated safety guidelines were all over the windows of the shops, along with wanted posters of various Death Eaters. Severus couldn't help but feel uneasy, like Molly, he desperately wanted to get the shopping done as quickly as possible. As they passed the shop, he didn't fail to notice that the shoppers, just like Molly and himself, were anxious, walking quickly and getting what they needed, no time for idle conversation.

Anxious as ever, Molly had the group split up. Molly, Arthur and their daughter Ginny, had gone to the bookstore to purchase everyone's textbooks. While Severus, Hagrid, who was the added security much to Harry's enjoyment and the annoyance to Severus; Granger, Weasley and Harry all were going to Madam Malkin's to purchase new school robes. He swore it was outrageous for Harry to have suddenly sprout three inches in the past month!

As soon as Severus entered the shop, with the three teenagers behind him and Hagrid keeping guard outside, he noticed his godson standing on top of a stool in front of a full length mirror. Sneering, he narrowed his eyes as he caught sight of Harry, Granger and Weasley.

"Mudbloods, traitors and Potty…..is that the kind of company you keep these days, Professor?" Draco rudely asked. "It's a pity what that crackpot of a headmaster forces you to do."

Before Severus knew it, two wands, Weasley's and Harry's were aiming at Draco. Draco pulled his wand out as well.

"No, Ron, Harry!" Granger moaned.

"Wands away, Potter, Weasley!" Severus snapped, purposely leaving out Draco, for if he was here, so would be his mother.

He sent Harry a furious glare, as the boys grudgingly put away their wands. The boy was due for a lecture when they returned home. Surely he should know better than to start a fight. He should know that Draco was only keeping up appearances.

Madame Malkin had returned from the back with extra pins and started to work on Draco's robes. Narcissa appeared right behind her, her grey eyes studying the scene and narrowing at the three teenagers.

"Ah, Severus, I see you are babysitting for Dumbledore. How…lovely," her voice dripping with sarcasm.

"Babysitting, I wouldn't call it that?" Severus sneered, putting up his mask, hiding his emotions and turning into the Severus Snape that she expected him to be.

"As a professor of Hogwarts, it is my duty to accompany students whose parents are incapable of meeting their needs, Potter is the only once forced to come along, as he is under my care for Dumbledore."

"My parents are capable of..!" Weasley began, before Severus smacked his head to shut up, followed by a loud shout coming from Draco, who was still getting his robes fitted.

"Watch where you are putting that pin woman!" Draco tugged his arm away, scowling as he pulled the robes over his head and threw them in a crumpled heap onto the floor.

Severus narrowed his eyes suspiciously.

"You know what, mother, I don't think I want these robes anymore, knowing what kind of scum shops here!"

He shot Harry and his friends a dirty look, who were all glaring back at him.

Severus knew why Harry managed to hold his tounge for so long, he knew he was already in deep trouble for pulling out his wand and one more act of disobedience would really cost him.

Draco jumped down off his stool, and stood before Severus, who noticed the cold mask the boy was only wearing. Like Severus, he was stuck on the wrong side of the war, having to lie and act to survive.

"I'll see you at school, Professor," he whispered so low, Severus barley caught it.

And for a fraction of a second, Severus saw Draco's gaze switch over to Harry. Grey eyes, stormy, torn, regretful and full of anguish, he then looked back at Severus and nodded, his cool exterior back on, before stepping aside, making sure to push Weasley as hard as he could as he left the shop.

Narcissa gave Severus and his charges the same cool look as her son's. The only thing different, was that her hostility was true, unlike her son's.

Severus watched as they walked down the ally, flanked by Order members. Severus couldn't believe that Narcissa would risk school shopping, especially when she was on the Dark Lord's hit list.

As the three teens were getting fitted for school robes, Severus couldn't help but replay the scene again in his mind. It was the way Draco had shouted out in alarm when Madame Malkin pinned his sleeve. He sounded like he was hiding something, something on his forearm. Severus' face suddenly went white as he connected the pieces to Draco's behavior. The fear he saw in that boy's eyes, the hopelessness and the very fact that he was indeed hiding something.

Was it possible that Draco had received the dark mark already? The Dark Lord did not bother to call Severus. That scared him deeply. Silence from the Dark Lord could only mean one thing, that he was planning something. Something for Harry, something terrible….

Another question that bothered Severus, was how Draco had gotten the dark mark without the knowledge of Narcissa and the security around her safe-house noticing. His concern for Draco had now reached an all-time high. And he had to figure out something to help him, the only thing he could do once the new term starts, was keep a closer eye on him.

Once they were done at Madame Malkin's, Severus led the teens to the Weasley twin's new joke shop, vowing to himself that he would talk to Albus about his concerns as soon as they returned to Hogwarts.

* * *

"You know how to fix it?" Draco's words sounded through the extendable ears.

Harry frowned as he listened through the extendable ears, under the invisibility cloak with Ron and Hermione.

Moments ago, while in Fred's and George's joke shop, he had spotted Draco giving his mother and their guard the slip, soon accompanied by Fenrir Greyback, curiosity forced himself to not hex Greyback in the middle of Diagon Ally for what he done to Remus. Harry, Ron, and Hermione, after making sure no one was watching them, Severus at the time, was busy examining the potions the twins made, thoroughly impressed by his former students, Harry threw the invisibility cloak over them and they snuck out of the shop to follow the suspicious Slytherin.

It just seemed really odd, that Draco would be in Greyback's company in Borgin and Burkes, one of the darkest shops in Knockturn Ally.

"It will be a very difficult job…," the silky, greasy voice of Borgin sounded through the extendable ear.

Harry tried to strain his ears, taking in everything the shopkeeper and Draco were saying. It sounded like Draco wanted something fixed, but what was it, and why? This sounded like he was up to something dangerous. Harry did not fail to notice earlier how Draco jumped when Madame Malkin was hemming up his sleeves. It was possible that he was hiding the dark mark, and what Harry was hearing, proved his theories of Draco Malfoy being a Death Eater.

Harry listened as Draco threatened Borgin to fix the broken, unknown item, Greyback growling at him the whole time.

Despite of his suspicions, Harry couldn't help but feel a little put out, for no more was Draco the friend he had gotten to know over the summer. The scene before his eyes was proof enough, that nothing was ever going to be the same between them again.

Draco and Greyback stopped speaking, Harry could see them walking towards the door, Greyback sniffing the air and looking around, then they were out of the shop and out of sight.

"What the bloody hell was that about?" Ron asked. Hermione and Ron soon started to discuss what they just saw. So lost in his own thoughts, Harry didn't notice the werewolf sneaking behind them, until he suddenly felt the cloak slip off of him.

Hermione gasped as they turned and came face to face with Fenrir Greyback.

"Well well well, what do we have here?" he growled, inhaling their scent, his eyes red with bloodlust.

"Two tasty snacks and Potter, a prize for my Dark Lord."

Harry pointed his wand at the werewolf.

"Don't touch my friends!" he shouted.

"Play nice, Potter," Greyback cooed menacingly at him.

Harry could feel Hermione's fearful gasps in his ear beside him, holding on tight to his upper arm.

Ron had his wand pointed at Greyback also, his blue eyes glaring.

Greyback leaned forward, his face in Harry's...

"Get back!" Ron shouted, "the Aurors are on their way right now!"

Greyback laughed out loud. "Do you really believe that Weasley? I've heard that your father is the laughing stock of the Ministry, now I wonder what they would say if his son was bitten. A pity really to have such shame, especially when he already carries the shame of being a muggle loving fool."

Ron lunged forward.

"Ron! No!" Hermione shouted, as they held him back while Greyback laughed.

Since Harry was preoccupied in holding Ron back, he dropped his guard, giving Greyback the chance to make his move.

Strong arms pulled Harry away from Ron and Hermione, a knife suddenly pressed against his throat.

"Wormtail and I have been working so hard to get you away from under Snape's nose."

Harry struggled, trying to fight his way out of Greyback's hold. Hermione and Ron both had their wands pointed at the werewolf.

"It was you who attacked me!"

"In a sense…yes... I had Wormtail go through the wards, as he used to live there as a rat, the wards recognized him as safe under his animagus form. Your parents really should strengthen their wards, Weasley. It's quite pathetic."

"Let Harry go!" Ron only shouted.

Greyback growled, he pulled Harry's hair forcing his head back. His face was now so close to Harry's, his sharp teeth an inch away from his skin. Harry could feel the warm breath on his neck, the smell was horrible, making him gag as he tried not to inhale it.

"If your smart, you would put your wands down," he threaten.

His teeth so close to Harry's neck, touching his skin. "When you two brats run off to your Potions Professor tell him and your headmaster, that if they want their precious Potter to stay alive, they have one day to return what is mine!"

Ron and Hermione, after a few moments, dropped their wands looking frightfully at him.

"Run!" Harry shouted to his friends in fear, trying to fight out of the werewolf's tight hold. Greyback grabbed a trinket from his pocket, it was glowing blue as he held it. It was a timed portkey!

The last thing Harry saw, was the terrified faces of Hermione and Ron. He felt himself get pulled away from them and everything was a world of color and fear, as he was taken away to the unknown.

**A/N: For some reason I had a hard time with this chapter. It's not my best haha but I hope you guys still like it. Things are really going to start happening before my story almost ends! There are about four more chapters I plan to write before the end, so I think maybe we should all start mentally preparing ourselves lol**

**Right before I posted this chapter, I slipped while mopping the floor and landed right on my back.. I'm feeling really sore now and nauseas, so I've decided to skip review responses for this chapter and I have a feeling I missed a lot of typos..as usual lol… I just want you guys to know, thank you so much for reading! And I appreciate every review, favorite and follow!**

**Special thanks to my reviewers!:**** Emma Lipardi / tigerlily124 / Ashleaporterwashere / megan14uderian / chronos-girl / Miriam1 / Romantific / Makurayami Ookami / SlytherclawGryffinpuff / Aixxx / PotterGirl19 / Sakraprace / Blueflower1491 Edwina B. Karch / Mynamemattersnot / Laurenmk20 / Guest**


	27. Chapter 27 More Than Blood

**Chapter Twenty-Seven - More than Blood**

**A/N: Please review Chapter 26! I've made some changes regarding the time of the full moon and Harry's wand and invisibility cloak!**

"Where are those idiots?" Severus growled, stepping outside of the Weasley twins' joke shop. Molly close behind him, stepped out as well.

"Ronald Weasley!" she shouted, half furious, half worried.

They only had to waste a few minutes searching for the missing teens when suddenly, Hagrid pointed down the alley.

"There they are!" he shouted.

Severus bolted towards the teens, Molly, Arthur and Hagrid beside him. His heart jolted in panic when he realized Harry wasn't with them.

"Ronald Billius Weasley! What were you thinking going off like that?!" Molly shouted, grabbing her son by the ear.

"Oww! Mum!" Weasley whined, much to Severus' annoyance.

"Are you children alright? What happened?" Arthur shouted over Molly's scolding. The normally calm and mellow wizard was shaking with fear and relief.

Over the chaos, Severus couldn't stand to wait any longer. Something was terribly wrong, he could feel it in his gut.

"Where is Harry?" he demanded, his voice slow, so icy and tensed, that everyone quieted down. The two teens who seemed dazed during the Weasley's scolding and questions, looked up at their Potions Professor with fear and guilt.

Granger had tears running down her cheeks, her bushy hair even bushier and frazzled than ever before. "Harry, he…," she choked out. "We tried to help him, we couldn't, and there wasn't anything we could do…."

"What happened!" he shouted. Irritation and impatience was making him snap. Icy, cold fear was seizing his heart, his mind, everything.

"We followed Malfoy and Fenrir Greyback to Borgin and Burkes in Knockturn Alley."

Molly gasped in fear and anger. Her husband grabbed her hand, preventing her from chastising the crying girl.

"After Malfoy left the shop, Greyback came out of nowhere…," then Granger was crying too hard to say anymore.

Severus turned his cold glare on Weasley demanding the boy to finish.

"Greyback took Harry," he said, his whole body shaking. His face so white, his freckles stood out.

Severus grabbed him by the shoulders, panic overwhelming him to the point that he couldn't see clearly.

"Where did he take him? What did Greyback say?"

"Severus!" Molly shouted as Arthur consoled a weeping Granger.

"What did he say, Weasley!" Severus shouted over her, not caring that he was acting out of line with her son. He had to know what happened! His son was kidnapped!

"He said... he said you have a day from now to return what you and Professor Dumbledore took from him! That was all he said before he used a Portkey to take Harry away!"

Severus let go of the teen, still in shock, the words Weasley had said slowly registering in his mind.

"What were you thinking going to Knockturn Alley! Following Greyback, a known Death Eater and werewolf!" Molly shouted at the children.

"Mum!" Weasley whined again.

"Arthur...," was all Severus could say. Arthur didn't need an explanation. He knew what Severus was feeling. He had gone through the same thing once before, when his daughter Ginny was taken into the Chamber of Secrets.

"Go to Hogwarts, Severus, I'll alert the Order," he said over the harsh scolding from his wife.

Severus couldn't stay there any longer, he Apparated instantly to the front gates of Hogwarts. The only thing that was keeping him sane at the moment was the mental images in his mind of himself tearing Greyback limb to limb.

It didn't take too long for him to find Albus in his office. Wasting no time, Severus barged in through the door.

"Greyback has taken Harry!" Severus snarled.

Albus jumped up from his seat. "Explain," he demanded, his blue eyes shining with a cold fire.

"He followed Draco who was accompanied by the werewolf to Borgin and Burkes, when Greyback snatched him. I don't think Draco had anything to do with this. It sounds like he was only using the werewolf for his task."

"Greyback could be the one who was after Harry all along, it still doesn't explain how he managed to get pass the wards at the Burrow." Dumbledore paced the room, deep in thought. "I want you to alert Remus with what has happened," he suddenly said before sweeping around his office towards his fireplace.

"What are you planning?" Severus asked.

"I'm calling an emergency meeting, I'm assuming it was Ron and Hermione who alerted you of Harry's kidnapping?"

Severus nodded, "Arthur is calling the Order right now."

"Excellent, I'm going to speak to Molly then, I want her to bring the children to the meeting so they can give us a full account on what has happened. We need every detail before we plan the rescue. I want you and Remus to be at the meeting in fifteen minutes."

Severus nodded and left. His black robes billowed around his feet, he was walking so fast he was practically running. The only thing on his mind was Harry. Hoping he was okay…hoping he wasn't hurt…. And once Severus had Greyback's neck in his hands, would he finally be free of the rage roaring inside of him.

* * *

Remus was standing in his office. His neatly, finished lesson plans were piled on his desk, near the empty goblet that once held Wolfsbane.

His gaze was fixed on the black forest outside, the trees creating long shadows on the ground as the sun sunk lower to the sky. The full moon was almost near. He didn't need a lunar chart to know. He could feel it in every part of his body. His muscles were tensed, his bones creaky, his whole body sore and achy. The way his eyes were permanently flecked with gold for the past week. His face pale, eyes with dark, purple shadows underneath. How every move made him dizzy, nausea as his system began to prepare for the change. His senses were alive and sensitive, picking up the faintest scent, the smallest sound, and his vision so sharp, he was able to see every creature in the shadows of the castle.

In truth, Remus was dreading the change. The last full moon was when he was imprisoned in the cellar of Greyback's training camp for werewolves. The last time he had changed, he killed Kaylie.

He tried not to let the memories play in his mind. Memories that tortured his mind. Memories that kept him awake at night, terrorizing him. He could still feel the pain they inflicted on him, the torture he went through, the burning thirst and hunger that never seemed to end. He could still feel it…. even though Remus was completely healed, thanks to Madame Pomfrey's daily care and the supply of Severus' carefully brewed potions. Without them, he would still have been suffering from the injuries and sickness.

Sighing, Remus leaned forward so his forehead was touching the cool glass of the window pane. He hadn't realized that he had broken out in a cold sweat, or that his body was shaking. His time at that werewolf camp had really left a negative impact on him, hindering him from being the man he used to be. Remus now felt like his life was split into two parts. The person he was before the torture he suffered, and the person he became after…after what Greyback did to him. Just like when Remus was bitten as a small child. His mother always said that Remus was different before he was bitten. He was a happy, imaginative, hyper, little boy and then when he was bitten… his whole personality changed to quiet and reserved. That night had changed everything, changed Remus' life, his personality and his relationship with his parents…. And now after what he went through this summer… it changed him…he was different, he could feel it….

Remus closed his eyes, immediately seeing Kaylie's accusing blue eyes, full of anger and pain.

Her voice whispered in his memory... _"I know you are figuring out how to escape. Either that, or Dumbledore is working very hard to find you. If you manage to find a way to escape, or someone does come for you, take me with you."_

"I promised you…," Remus whispered. "I promised to keep you safe. I promised you and I failed…. I killed you…," he opened his eyes, breathing heavily, his eyes flecked with gold, was all he could see in the reflection of the window. The eyes of a murderous werewolf, a monster….

"I failed you!" he shouted, turning around, he grabbed the empty goblet and threw it across his office.

Rage was clouding his vision, disgust at what he was made his heart ache. The wolf inside was howling for dominance. Remus almost let it win, honestly, he had no idea why he even bothered suppressing it anymore.

A loud knock banged on his door.

Remus looked curiously at it. Harry went to Diagon Alley with Severus today. They must be back already for the sun was now down.

"Enter," he said.

The door slammed open, revealing a pale and furious Severus Snape.

"Come with me!" he demanded. "Albus is holding an emergency meeting!" He then turned and swept out of the office, not waiting for a reply, expecting Remus to follow him.

So Remus followed after him, wondering what this meeting was about and where Harry was. On the way to the Great Hall, the air between them was so tensed. Neither of them had forgotten the last conversation they had, the words that were spoken.

Remus had thought that staying away from Severus would be the right thing to do to keep his heart from breaking again, and from keeping Severus safe from him.

He never meant for Severus to get hurt or react so deeply. He never wanted Severus to hate him. The wizard just did not understand. Remus did not deserve to be happy with someone, which was why he lost Sirius. He was definitely not chancing another relationship again. The only person he was willing to let in was his cub, no one else.

The torches were flickering in the corridors. Severus was giving off strong waves of anxiety. Something didn't seem right. With his werewolf senses, Remus could scent the fear coming off of the Potions Master in waves. That worried him deeply, for Severus was always composed, always hiding his true emotions, never letting anyone know when he was afraid or vulnerable. Something terrible must had happened to warrant such a reaction.

"If you don't mind me asking," Remus said quietly, still observing the dark wizard from behind. "What is this sudden meeting about? What happened?"

Severus didn't stop or slow down his pace. All he said was, "you will know soon enough."

"Something has happened, I can sense it. I smell fear coming from you."

Severus stopped abruptly, Remus not paying attention, bumped right into his back. Severus spun around, his face inches away from Remus'. His eyes so dark, angry, cold and desperate. It scared Remus. Then he was suddenly being slammed against the wall.

"You don't know anything, wolf! Do not go around making assumptions that I am afraid!" Severus roared. "I am the one they fear! I am the one the students scurry from and I'm the one they all avoid, afraid to even look at me! Who do you think you are to even say that I'm afraid?" All the while Severus' held on Remus was getting tighter.

"Severus," Remus growled in warning, pushing him off with werewolf strength.

"Look I shouldn't have said that! It was wrong for me to have assume!" Remus shouted. "Just tell me what has happened! Where is Harry?"

Severus gave him a look of pure loathing before saying those four words that crashed down Remus' entire world.

"Greyback has kidnapped Harry."

* * *

Have you ever felt so terrified, so worried that you literally couldn't do anything? You couldn't think, couldn't breathe or move or stay focus? You couldn't understand the voices around you, everything becoming blurry as they all merged together into one giant blob of chaos? And the only thing in your mind was that nothing was ever going to be the same again?

That was exactly what Remus was going through as he paced in the shadows of the Order meeting. The members were all arriving, some already waiting for it to begin. Remus couldn't sit or seem to stay still. Just knowing that his cub was with that foul, smelling bastard was tearing him apart! Remus let out an angry growl, not realizing how loud it was due to his worry and fear.

The Order members grew quiet, most of them looking at Remus fearfully. He didn't notice. The only thing that was keeping him from going off to rescue Harry on his own, was the fact that he had no idea how this happened or where Greyback might be! He took a deep breath, pacing back and forth, trying to keep calm. Trying to stay sensible. Trying not to lose himself, so that he can be part of his cub's rescue team.

"Remus, why don't you sit down? Weasley and Miss Granger are going to reveal what has happened," Dumbledore said calmly, although his piercing blue eyes told Remus he was furious for what had happened.

Remus stopped pacing, his eyes flecked with gold, the shadow of the wolf clearly in his face, causing some of the Order members to move away as he reluctantly took a seat.

Tonks caught his eye. The witch with her pink hair gave him a reassuring wink before turning her attention back to Dumbledore, who was standing at the head of the table, a frightened Ron and Hermione standing next to him.

Severus was standing on Dumbledore's left. His face void of all expression, it was the way he was standing, tensed, ready for action, that Remus knew he was feeling the same emotions as him. It then hit Remus hard how Severus truly cared for Harry. The look in those eyes were smothering, black, icy flames. Remus had no doubt that Severus was itching to have Greyback on the other end of his wand.

"Go on now, children," Dumbledore said. "Tell us what has happened."

Severus scowled, Remus knew why. As much as he wanted to know how his cub was kidnapped, they were wasting time. They should be planning the rescue now, and taking the first course of action. He didn't want his cub to be in Greyback's clutches for longer than necessary.

Once the children were done explaining what happened, the Order started discussing on a plan and where Greyback might had taken Harry.

"It's obvious isn't it?" Remus snapped out in frustration. The Order all turned their heads. It was the first time Remus had spoken during the entire meeting, not only that, he was short tempered, something Remus was definitely not known for.

"I am the one Greyback wants. He knows that by taking Harry, I will go after him. He's been planning this for weeks. He's the one who attacked Harry at the Burrow. It was never Narcissa."

"Which doesn't make sense for all the signs led to her," Dumbledore frowned. "Severus, when this is over I want you to speak to her."

Severus nodded.

"Now we know the reason of the kidnapping and the person Greyback is asking for, now we must find out where they are," Dumbledore stated, scanning the members for any ideas.

"The werewolf training camp…. He knows that's the first place I would look…," Remus said quietly. He looked directly at Severus, nodding to let those persistent, black eyes invade his mind.

Severus pushed gently at the edges of Remus' mind, a calming presence soothing the agony and darkness, the chaotic swirl of memories. Memories of stone walls, cold, hard floors, the choking feeling of a metal collar around his neck. The stench of death and blood and sickness, feelings of fear so strong it gave off a stench.

Severus pulled out, their eyes connecting once more.

"The werewolf camp," Severus said, confirming Remus' answer.

"The Aurors had that place shut down as soon as you were found, Lupin," Kingsley Shacklebolt said.

"A perfect reason to hide…at an abandon camp," Mad-eye growled.

Remus nodded, his mind drifting away as they began to plan the rescue.

Greyback wanted him in exchange for Harry. A day he had given them. In twenty-four hours, a little less now, was the full moon.

In twenty four hours, Greyback was changing as well, with no one around for miles, only Harry. Only Harry left at the mercy of Greyback…realization shook Remus' entire body.

He turned his attention back to the meeting. Dumbledore was listing the members on the team. Remus realized, with an angry jolt of his heart, that his name wasn't called. No way was he going to be left out of this!

"No! I'm going to be on the rescue team!" he shouted. "And we can't wait until tomorrow night!"

The Order all looked at him, paused in their planning.

"The full moon is tomorrow night….Greyback is planning on biting Harry! Possibly even killing him!"

It was his fault this happened, if Remus hadn't fought harder, or maybe if he would had given in to Greyback's requests, then none of this would had happened!

"We have to go now!" he growled "I have to go, he wants me! I'll go in exchange for Harry! Your original plan is going is going to take hours! We don't have hours! We have to start moving now!"

"Remus, think about what you're saying!" Arthur said.

"You are a valuable asset to this Order, this mission will be suicide for you, and you've only just recovered!" Dumbledore said.

Remus shook his head. "That doesn't matter," he snapped. "I don't care if I'm a valuable pawn to your war strategies! You have other soldiers who are capable of filling your tasks! If I die, then it's just one more slot you have to fill!"

"Remus, you are not a pawn. If we lost you, no one will ever replace you. I'm fearing for your safety, not just the loss of a solider."

Remus was shaking, not meeting the headmaster's eyes, who was sadly looking at him, aware of the mental damage Greyback had done to him.

"That doesn't matter," he snapped. "I'm going! I have to get Harry out of there! He is all I have left. He is my cub, a son to me, and nothing, or no one is going to stop me from going so I can tear out Greyback's throat!" he snarled loudly, sounding exactly like a wolf.

The room was so quiet, no one dared argued with him. No one had ever seen the calm and reserved Remus Lupin so outspoken, out of control and angry. No one had ever seen himself lose his will to the wolf. Remus was past caring. So what if they were afraid, they should be! He was only a beast after all, the only thing that mattered was getting Harry back alive!

He looked up to see Severus' gaze on him. He was the only one who had not spoken a word against Remus' request. His black eyes studying him, Remus knew he was the only one to understand, the only one who knew of the memories and pain Remus was going through. He gave a small nod to Remus, letting him know he understood, and he was on his side. Out of everyone in this room, besides maybe the Weasleys, Severus wanted Harry back as much as Remus did. He knew they had somehow formed a small family. Remus has seen it with his very eyes, even felt the bond between them. And he could sense how hard Severus was fighting his all to not go out and rescue Harry himself. Remus was lucky to have Severus on his side, despite of the arguments and confusing feelings between them. It was the danger of Severus' son, Remus' cub that was bringing them together.

"So it's decided, I'm going to Greyback before the full moon completely rises."

This time no one spoke, instead Albus, Moody and Shacklebolt all began to plan the rescue, including Remus' request. Remus again lost his focus, running his hands through his hair. Hoping in the end everything would work out. The idea of confronting Greyback, of going back to that cellar terrified him beyond measure, beyond any level of fear he had ever felt in his life. His nightmares were now on the verge of becoming a reality. It didn't matter now, this was all for Harry. Remus would face every nightmare, thousands of nightmares, if only that would bring Harry home safe.

* * *

As soon as Harry's feet hit the ground, a blinding pain coming from the back of his head made him fall to his knees. The only thing he could think about was the wretched smell of dirt, sweat and blood, before he fell onto his side and everything went dark.

The first thing Harry felt was the pain in the back of his head. He put his hand on it, feeling something wet and sticky. He drew his hand back and saw dark red covering his fingers. How long had he been knocked out and where was he were the first questions that popped in his mind. He wished Severus and Remus were here as he tried to take in his surroundings, but they were a complete blur, he had no idea where his glasses were. The whole room reeked of blood, body order, feces and urine, and death. Harry held in his breath, trying not to throw up.

There were heavy footsteps and a sound of a door closing. Harry tried to stand up but he felt dizzy and he was chained…to something….

Glasses were shoved roughly on his face. Harry backed away, he needed his wand…._Where is it?_

His vision now clear, Harry didn't get a chance to feel relieved for the face of Fenrir Greyback was inches from his face.

The werewolf inhaled deeply, taking in Harry's sent, then exhaling, his breath strong and foul.

"Nice of you to join me, Potter," he spat out Harry's last name, spit spraying his face.

Harry struggled forward, realizing he was chained to the wall with metal cuffs on his wrist. The cuffs had crusted, old blood and sinew. Again, it took all he had to not throw up.

"I smell him on you, it won't be long until my traitorous son comes crawling back with his tail between his legs."

"Your son?" Harry asked, more for distraction than curiosity, he needed to buy time to think of a plan.

He wished Greyback wasn't staring so intently at him, Harry needed to take a complete look of his surroundings. Greyback would know something was up if he saw him glancing around.

"My son, a cowardly fool. Still, he is pack… he must see where his loyalty lies…with his family. Family is everything. This is just to get him to see the error of his ways and come back to his pack. The pack he truly belonged in his whole life, not with Albus Dumbledore."

"Family is everything to you? Then why are you planning on hurting your kid? You're twisting the idea of family, shouldn't you accept who he is no matter what?" Harry blurted out without thinking, not really understanding either who or what Greyback was talking about.

Greyback snarled, slapping Harry across the face.

"Don't speak about what you don't know!" he yelled. "You know nothing!"

Flashes of the Dursleys swam at the forefront of Harry's mind, and the pain it brought him, knowing they were his family and that didn't stop them from hurting him. Then he remembered his camping trip this summer. Ghost stories with Severus by the fire…their long talks and hiking… and dinner… Severus teaching him simple things, like skipping stones and how to close his mind… and the way Severus always helped Harry with anything he needed… the way Severus never judged him, just loved him, no matter what… and Remus… Remus apologizing to him, admitting he was wrong for taking off after the death of Sirius, and Remus teaching him defense and how to play guitar… and talking to Harry about cutting and Sirius' death, even though Harry did not want too, but he didn't give in because Remus loved him…. Severus and Remus did those things because they were a family to Harry… family wasn't about only blood, no, it was the bond that was shared…. Something that Greyback was missing in his concept of family.

"I think I know a little bit more about family than you!" Harry shouted, struggling to free himself of the chains. The more he struggled, the deeper the metal scraped into his skin.

"Wise guy now, are you?" Greyback laughed. "Do you really consider Remus Lupin and Severus Snape family?"

Harry glared at the crazy werewolf, his heart thudding with what he just said. His head throbbing, not quite catching on to the threat due to his concussion.

Greyback laughed out loud at Harry's silence.

"Remus Lupin my incorrigible son, and Severus Snape the traitor!"

"Johnathan Lupin was Remus' father!" Harry shouted. "Not you!" _And what does he know about Severus? This guy is insane!_

"Ah in blood, yes, but in creation of the wolf Remus holds in his very soul, I am his father. Now if you see Remus as _your_ family, then why did he put you in such danger? Why did he not take precautions to keep you safe from my attacks? Why did he not look after you after your parents died or when Sirius Black died? He has never been there for you, Potter, because he is not your family. He is mine!"

"No, shut up! You don't own him!" Harry shouted, struggling harder, ignoring the pain shooting through his wrists.

Greyback only laughed. "You know I'm right, I could still smell the distrust off of you every time you're near him."

"How do you know that!" Harry shouted, thoroughly freaked out and surprised. "Have you been watching me?"

"No, not everything is about you, Potter! I've been watching Remus! With help from a certain friend and…rat, I've learned secrets of you and Snape…and even the young Malfoy brat…., deep, valuable secrets the Dark Lord would reward me greatly for…. I haven't even told anyone about what I've found out, for they would steal my glory in a heartbeat!"

Harry shouted in frustration, fighting again to be let free. He had no idea how to process this information. Greyback knew everything! He knew the relationship between him and Severus, Draco's stay with them and Harry's problems with cutting, and the way he struggled with fully trusting Remus. And Remus! If he came now to rescue him, that would only bring him straight to Greyback!

"Once this is over you can say goodbye to your Potions Master and your pet wolf," Greyback laughed. "As soon as I scented you on Snape, I knew he was hiding something. I was the one who plotted, spied and attacked you. At first, I was only doing it for the purpose to lure Remus back to me, but to my surprise, I find you and Snape living together. I find that you had created some sort of little family, a family my son is on the brink of becoming a part of, which I won't allow. Remus is mine and I've been looking for something that'll result to Severus' downfall with the Dark Lord. After tonight everything will be mine!" Greyback laughed.

"Go to hell, you bastard!" Harry shouted.

Greyback growled, grabbing a chunk of Harry's hair and forcing him to look up.

Harry bit his lip hard, to prevent himself from shouting out from the pain. No way was he showing this sick bastard any weakness!

Greyback forced Harry's head to turn so he was forced to look at a small window perched high in the wall.

The sun was setting, red rays streaming through the window.

"You have been unconscious for the whole day and last night, your time is almost up! When that sun goes down, and my son isn't here, you are going to wish you've never survived the Dark Lord's killing curse as a baby!" he breathed in Harry's ear, who tore his face away from Greyback in defiance.

"You don't know Remus!" he spat. "Or Severus, they will come for me! And when they do, you're the one who is going to wish they've never been born!"

Greyback only laughed.

The last of the rays were slowly fading away, and Harry hoped that what he said was true. He hoped Severus, Remus and the Order had something planned by now. He hoped they knew where he was. He hoped they knew his time was running out and once it did, he didn't want to know what Greyback had in store for him.

* * *

The plan was set, their time was almost up. It was two hours before the full moon. The pull of the moon was stronger than ever, the wolf was fighting to be free...

_You won't have to wait any longer,_ Remus said to the spirit fighting within him.

He reached the gate of the school's entrance. He was to Apparate from there straight to the camp. Order members were already stationed a good few miles away, ready to fight if the plan went wrong.

Once Remus arrived he had to exchange himself for Harry. Severus would be waiting for Harry in the forest, under an anti-detection charm, to prevent Greyback from finding him.

Once the full moon rose, if Remus was lucky, he'll survive the evitable fight with his enemy before Albus and the Order could intervene.

"Are you ready, wolf?" Severus' deep voice asked. It was soothing and calm to Remus.

"Ready as I'll ever be," Remus grimaced. "Let's get this over with."

"Remus…."

Remus looked up, surprised that Severus had called him by his given name.

"Do not fail me, bring Harry home," was all he said.

"I will die before I fail, rest assured, Severus, I will send Harry back to you."

Severus nodded, eyes meeting, hearts racing. Anxiety, stress, and fear high in the air.

"I'll hold you to that promise," Severus muttered. And with a loud pop, he was gone.

Remus took a deep breath, his muscles twitching as the sun began to set, before disappearing to the place of his nightmares.

**A/N: Hello everyone! Sorry for the long wait! I've been busy with school again and plus I'm really doing some serious planning for the next few chapters!**

**What did you think about Severus' and Remus' reactions? Isn't Greyback nuts! And will Harry be okay? **

**Please review/favorite/follow idk haha I just hope you liked my story!**

**\- Chase'sGirl19**

**Review responses!**

**Mynamemattersnot: **I hope Harry will be okay also! And thank you!

**Magan14uderian : **Thanks for your review! And I'll try to put in more Sev and Harry before Already Home ends… I might maybe go one chapter over.. I'm not really sure yet. Don't be sad when my story ends…I'm planning a sequel! Don't tell anyone ;)

**Takingitinstride: **Thank you! =)

**BlueWater5: **Sorry, I'm known for those lol

**Makurayami Ookami**: Thanks!

**Snow Leopard Pasha: **Thank you for the typo/grammar alert! I'll fix it right away! And yeah good point about the water thing… I didn't realize that when I wrote it… I'll change it once I'm done writing this story. Thanks for letting me know and please keep reading!

**sakraprace:** Sorry about that cliff hanger haha! And yup it's up to Remus now!

**aixx: **Yeah I see that moment in my mind where Severus tells Harry about Remus… it's going be a bit awkward for him haha ..it's going to be fun to write! And thanks for your constant reviews! I love them!=)

**CraftyWott**: I'm sorry you didn't like it ….

**chronos-girl: **Thank you! And I hope you liked my chapter! You will have to wait awhile until all your questions can be answered, I'm afraid lol

**teamcarlisle21G: **Thank you! =D


	28. Chapter 28 Save Me from the Darkness

**Chapter Twenty-Eight – Save Me from the Darkness**

The last of the sunrays had disappeared. Harry slowly looked up, the throbbing in the back of his head becoming worse by the second. Greyback who was pacing in the shadows suddenly stopped, his eyes a glowing red as he turned slowly towards him. Harry shivered in fear at Greyback's savage look. He barley saw anything left of the werewolf's humanity, only bloodlust and revenge.

"The last of the sunrays have faded, and your daddy and pet wolf still aren't here," Greyback dangerously sneered, creeping silently towards Harry who only glared at him. "And don't even think about your little Order coming to rescue you, I've secured this place with anti-apparition wards. Only Lupin can get through."

Harry didn't say anything. He didn't want to give anything to this sick bastard. He knew Severus and Remus, and maybe even the Order, were working hard on a plan right now. He knew they were figuring out a way around the Apparation wards. That small obstacle wasn't going to stop them. They've gone through worse barriers from past missions. Greyback was just stupid enough to overestimate the intelligent, working minds of the Order.

"Have nothing to say, Potter? Are you finally realizing that your so-called family left you to die?" Greyback smiled sickly. Then without warning, he growled loudly, jumping onto Harry who shouted out in pain and surprise. The werewolf slashed his claws over Harry's face, leaving deep claw marks across his cheek. Harry screamed in pain and fear. Fear, because he felt so vulnerable and helpless. It reminded him of his punishments when he was a child. A small, helpless child, subjugated to the beatings of his uncle.

The werewolf then started punching him in the face hard, until his nose bled, and his face began to swell. Harry tried to move away, but the damn chains constricted him. He couldn't defend himself!

He saw the memories in his mind of Uncle Vernon punching him, kicking him, yelling at him, until Greyback himself had morph into an ugly, monstrous version of his uncle. The monster Harry always imagined was hiding in the shadows, and he screamed out in pure terror.

A loud pop came from outside.

_Remus!_

As fast as it happened, Greyback leapt away from him. Harry, barely conscious, could barely understand him. The werewolf was laughing.

"I sense someone coming!"

He inhaled the newcomer's scent, growling in anticipation and excitement.

"Your nice and bloody now, wolf cub," he sneered, placing his finger on Harry's face, wiping up some of his fallen blood.

Harry flinched away from his touch, causing his vision to darken. Dizziness and nausea from the pain took over. Greyback licked Harry's blood off his finger, his eyes dilated in bloodlust and need. Harry moaned out in pain, trying to fight out of his chains but the pain was too much, and he felt so dizzy. The last thing he remembered was a blurry image of someone at the door, before everything was gone.

* * *

Remus Apparated in front of the abandoned werewolf camp with a loud pop. He winced at the noise, for it was sure to alert Greyback or anyone else in this area of his arrival.

As soon as he arrived, he could sense the wards around the abandoned camp. He hoped the Order were figuring out a way to get them down, because right now, the only way to get Harry out was by running into the forest past the barriers, or if Remus Apparated him out. Hopefully he had enough time for the second way. Dread still filled his stomach as he realized how dangerous and how wrong this mission could go. Anxiety rose in his chest as he realized the sun was already completely down. They had waited too late. Soon the moon would rise and Harry would be in more danger than he was now. The only thing that held Remus together was Severus' carefully brewed Wolfsbane potion inside his blood. Without it, all would be lost tonight.

Pulling himself together, Remus took a deep breath, before creeping silently towards the cabin. He held his wand out, senses on high alert, ready to defend against surprise attacks. The old scents of other werewolves and humans were still there, along with a fresher scent. Curious to what it might be, Remus took in the scent, inhaling deeply until it flooded his nose and mouth. The scent was of his cub, of home and pack, and something much more sinister. Remus inhaled again, concentrating hard, until he opened his eyes, pure, golden eyes of the wolf. The strange scent that masked his cub's was the metallic scent of fear and freshly spilled blood.

Remus fought down the wolf who was bursting at the edge of his soul. Fighting for the scent of blood, growling to protect its pack. The wolf inside was howling to be let free. The whispers of the curse enticing his soul to give in to the gentle pull of the moon.

Remus pulled open the door of the cabin. It swung open with a low creak, another noise that Greyback was bound to hear. It seemed as if the werewolf and Harry were alone. There were no fresh scents of any others. It was better this way, a final confrontation, even though Remus was trying hard not to give into the deep chasm of fear that threatened to swallow him whole. It was the memories that attacked him. The jeers from the Death Eaters, the brutal beatings….The wolf cubs laughing at him, jarring him for a fight. The raw hunger and burning thirst. And the deep emotional pain and humiliation as he lost all dignity in himself as he began to question who he was.

A loud scream echoed loudly throughout the cabin, breaking him free of the whispering memories...

"Harry!" he shouted, rushing down the stairs to the cellar, pure adrenaline coursing through him.

He swung open the door. Harry was chained to the wall, beaten badly, blood dripping on the stone floor. Deep long claw marks etched across his face….

"Step away from my cub!" Remus threatened.

Greyback turned around, red eyes wide, an evil twisted smile on his dirty, grizzled face.

Remus pointed his wand straight at the werewolf, growling threatening. He was letting the wolf slip from under his careful control. He couldn't fight it. Not when his emotions were angry, protective, and shaken from being back in the place where he spent weeks being tortured.

The cellar hadn't changed. It hadn't even been cleaned. And Remus could still smell the stench. The stench of his dirty, monstrous body. The stench of his blood and feces. The stench of his pain and suffering…of his illness. It overwhelmed him, making him dizzy. His vision grew dark before he growled, mentally forcing himself to pull himself together.

Harry needed him….Harry who was chained up just like how Remus was. Except he had chains around his wrists, his arms raised above his head so his back was to the wall. His head lolling down, his hair covering his face. His face covered in blood….

Greyback had his wand pointed at Remus as well, surprising him, for the werewolf preferred fighting like the monster he was, wasting no time with using magic unless he had too.

"Remus Lupin, you look well, my son, I've been waiting for you," the werewolf snarled, red eyes flashing. He was blocking Remus' way to Harry.

"What have you done to him?" Remus snarled.

They circled around each other, wands pointing.

"It doesn't have to be like this," Greyback snarled dangerously, ignoring Remus' question. "I don't want to hurt you."

"You don't want to hurt me?! So you're fine with your Death Eater pals doing the dirty work for you? You hardly laid a finger on me, but you were the one to give out the orders! What you did was beyond unforgivable! You talk of betrayal and yet _you_ betrayed me! You who claim I'm your son, what father would torture his son the way you did to me!"

Greyback only laughed at Remus' words. "Tortured you? Is that how you see it, cub? I see your time here with me hasn't changed you! Tell me, Remus, what will it take to get you to see who you're turning your back on. What will it take to get you on my side? I only gave out those orders to make you understand!"

Remus only glared with hard, golden eyes, his wand pointing straight at his heart. All he had to do was get Harry away from here before the full moon rose.

"Understand what? Understand that you are my father? That is never going to happen! You tried to break me! You almost did, I'll admit that! And still that didn't work! I will never be your son, because I'm not like you or your pack! You're just the sick bastard who messed up my life!" Remus shouted.

Greyback growled, about to shout out a curse, but Remus was ready.

"Alarte Ascendare!" Remus shouted. The spell immediately hit Greyback, rising him up high in the air before he dropped down with a heavy thud.

Greyback rolled away, dodging Remus' next curse, managing to throw up a shield. Remus threw curse after curse, faster than the next one. He kept it up for several moments. Red, green, blue, bright lights lit up the dark cellar, and still Greyback's shield managed to hold.

"You'll have to do much better than that, son! Why don't you fight like a real wolf, instead of hiding behind that stick of yours?"

Frustration filled Remus up, he pointed his wand to Greyback again, deciding what curse to use next to bring down his shield. Greyback was always good with shields. His gaze traveled briefly to his unconscious cub, then back to Greyback in less than a second. It took all he had to not drop his guard and just run to his cub. Blood was dripping from the back of Harry's head, fear for him clawed in his stomach.

"Don't worry, Potter is just unconscious. I may had bloodied him up a bit, but his wounds aren't perishable," Greyback said without taking his eyes off of Remus.

"Let me get him somewhere safe and then we can fight this out," Remus bargained, thinking quickly on the best plan of action.

He couldn't get around the shield. He had overestimated Greyback. He assumed Greyback would just want to fight physically, no wands… because that was his style. It looked like Greyback wasn't stupid after all…he knew Remus would fight with magic. The only thing left to do was hold Greyback off and wait until Severus realized that they were taking too long. That Harry should had been running towards him by now, but he was not. He was still bleeding, unconscious, and all Remus had left, was to hope that Severus was running through the forest right now….

Greyback let out another bark of laughter. "You really think it's that simple? That I would be stupid enough to believe that you will come back? After all my hard work, I finally have you back where I want you! You and your brat are not going anywhere!"

"I don't belong here with you!" Remus shouted.

Greyback narrowed his eyes. "Get your head out of the clouds, son, you don't belong in Potter's world. Don't waste your time caring for the brat or any of those humans! This is your last chance to come back to your rightful place!"

They circled around each other, eyes never leaving the others. Greyback's shield was pulsating around him with strength and protection.

"Never!" Remus growled so loudly, the walls seem to vibrate around them. Sparks flew out of his wand from uncontrollable magic due to his raging emotions.

"I'm not taking that as an answer. Stop running away from who you are! Don't be afraid, my son, I know you crave the acceleration of hunting. The taste of warm blood from prey. The bonding of the pack. The adrenaline of the chase and the feel of living wild, and every living creature, human and animal, fearing you. The power we have, the strength in our muscles, our claws and fangs. You have those instincts deep inside you, the instincts of a predator. It's who you are! The wolf inside you, let him become one with you, let the moon caress your spirit, warm your fur, give in to your destiny!"

"No!" Remus shouted. "That's not what I am! I'm not a monster, and I'm not a killer!"

Greyback's eyes locked with his. "oh, you are my wayward cub!" he then laughed again, almost out of control this time, his wand still holding up his shield.

Remus stiffened, not taking his eyes off of the insane werewolf.

"I've seen the wolf you can be. A born leader of the pack you deny, one who has so much potential to greatness. Nothing could run from you! Every living thing will fear you! There is so much power and talent in you! And when I first saw you as a child, I knew… I knew you were destined for greatness."

"You're not making sense!" Remus growled. He didn't want to hear anymore. He was sick of Greyback trying to lure him into that world he so desperately worked hard to stay out of, ever since he was a child.

"Don't tell me you have forgotten, how silly of me, for I have ordered you to be drugged on heavy doses of pain potion. Tell me, Remus, when you woke, what did you smell on your skin? What was caked on your hands, your clothes, your lips and fangs? What were you covered in, what was on your very skin?" Greyback smiled a deep, twisted, malicious smile, his red eyes glowing.

Remus looked at him, his face white, trying not let his hands shake in fear and anger. He did remember a time when he woke here in this cellar, heavy, drowsy, as if he were indeed overdosed on a potion. The confusion he felt….he could still remember…. And Kaylie's voice…, her tears, her broken tone. And the blood... so much blood...the blood of the werewolf children! Greyback was right! He was already a killer! He had killed children! He killed Kaylie! How could he forget! How could he live with himself knowing the evil he had done!

"No...I'm such a fool! How could I…no!" He started hyperventilating, the screams of innocent children ringing in his ears! The angry, accusing eyes of Kaylie in his nightmares. His rage rose up, until he looked at Greyback. "You did this to me!" he shouted. "You did this!" He wasn't talking about just that night with the potion, but for the lives he had taken! For everything he had endured because of the curse… for his whole life! All control lost, he growled in rage, so viciously, so loud, it vibrated off the walls.

Greyback only laughed, "I may had drugged you, but it was you who killed those children. And it was you who killed young Kaylie last full moon. It was all you!"

"Reducto!" Remus shouted, pulling himself together.

Greyback, although how insane he seemed, was ready. His shield blocked it, sending the curse to rebound. Remus only had a second to dodge it.

Greyback's eyes grew darker, looking like he was about to attack when suddenly he glanced at the window, then laughed in pleasure. "Your time is up," was all he said, before sharp pain ran through Remus. He dropped his wand, it clattered on the stone floor and rolled away into the shadows.

"Try saving your precious cub now," Greyback laughed as began to change.

Greyback's' ominous threat sent fear down Remus' spine, paralyzing him. The full moon was up. The change had started. And no matter how hard he tried to fight it, Remus was overcome with an unbearable pain. Pain that he should be used too… but no one could get used to such pain. He screamed in agony as his bones began to break. Fur began to sprout, his hair sinking in. Muscles tore to rearrange themselves in the shape of the wolf. His teeth grew into fangs and his dilated eyes glowed amber. And the last coherent thought as he went through this pain, was his realization of Greyback's plan.

He was stalling for time, for the full moon. The reason why he had Harry chained and bleeding but not enough to die…he wanted Remus as a wolf to bite him or even kill him. He knew that was the very thing that would drive Remus over the edge. Greyback knew full well that the death of his cub or him being subjugated to a life Remus despised would truly break him. Greyback was truly sick, and it was because of that realization that made him scream so loud, until the muscles in his throat were strained, so loud and pain-filled, full of terror, it sounded inhumane. And he hoped that Severus heard. He hoped to God that Severus was on his way, because he couldn't hold on any longer. And Greyback was already almost done transforming. The only flaw in Greyback's ruthless, cold-blooded plan was the only thing that Remus had left to hold told on too...What Greyback didn't know, was that Severus had Remus take Wolfsbane for the past few days. The potion allowed Remus to keep his mind. The only thing he feared was if he could handle the scent of blood. If he could hang on and protect his cub long enough until Severus or the Order arrived. Remus couldn't hold back any longer. He sunk to the floor, his body completely forming, and his screams turned into howls.

* * *

Severus was racing towards the camp grounds, bursting in through the door, and down to the cellar. He knew something was wrong as the moon began to rise and there was still no sign of Lupin or Harry. As he raced down the cellar, he heard a loud inhumane scream that sounded as if it were coming from Lupin.

"Harry!" he shouted, his face turning white from fear. The scream sounded as if Lupin were changing and his son was still inside with two werewolves! He blasted the door opened with a flick of his wand, just in time to see Greyback and Remus complete their change. It was too late to get Harry out safely!

Severus assessed the situation, not at all surprised that their plan had failed.

Greyback was the first one up, a large, mangy, dark-grey, almost black wolf with red eyes, baring his sharp, yellow fangs at Severus.

Severus had his wand pointed at the vicious wolf, ready to attack.

Lupin leapt up, growling at Greyback. The stormy-grey wolf circled around his enemy, his golden eyes tinted with red, were dangerous and ready to attack.

Greyback seemed frustrated as he tried to get away from Lupin to attack Severus, when a breeze from the window lifted their fur and Harry's hair, bringing the scent of human blood to Greyback's nostrils. The werewolf inhaled deeply, pupils dilated with the promise of fresh blood. Severus could see Harry unconscious and bleeding, chained against the wall.

Greyback turned his head towards Harry and leaped. Remus jumped up as well, slamming his smaller body hard against the werewolf.

Severus shouted, "Protego!" creating a shield between Harry and the fighting werewolves.

Lupin snarled, grabbing Greyback from the scruff of his neck and pulled him away. Greyback clawed his way out of Lupin's grasp, trying desperately to get to Harry. Lupin bit down hard on Greyback's shoulder, until the werewolf growled in pain, shaking Lupin off. Greyback nipped at his muzzle, growling deeper as he began to bite harder.

The fight became much more vicious, until they were one giant ball of wolf, rolling, fighting, and screaming in pain. Seizing the chance of Greyback's distraction, Severus wasted no time. He ran towards Harry, skidding to his knees in front of the teenager. Severus gently lifted Harry's head. His black hair was coated in drying blood. His nose was bleeding, and his face swollen and turning purple. Deep claw marks ran across his face and other parts of his body. Severus worked hard to control the rage rising deep inside him. How dare that mangy, Death Eater touch his son! How dare he hurt him like this! Severus promised himself that he will get his revenge, but not now. Right now, he had to get Harry out.

Severus unlocked the chains and picked Harry up as gently as he could. He swiftly brought down the weakening wards that Greyback had put up, allowing the Order to Apparate inside.

The growls and snarling from the fighting werewolves were becoming more vicious each second. Severus felt bad for leaving Lupin like that, but his priority was Harry. He knew Lupin would want him to take him out of here, and Severus could only hope that the Order would arrive any second.

Greyback suddenly pinned down Lupin, teeth sinking deeply into his hind leg. Lupin whined out sharply in pain.

"Fuck!" Severus shouted before Apparating straight to the Order, who were on guard at the edge of the forest. He immediately handed Harry to Molly.

"Take Harry to the Hogwarts's infirmary! I have to help Lupin! The wards are down now so send word to Kingsley!" Not waiting for a reply, he Apparated back to the cellar.

To his horror, he came back to a gruesome sight. Lupin was now completely pinned under Greyback, whose jaws were now deep in his shoulder. The grey werewolf whined and growled in pain, trying to shake off the bigger werewolf. Severus whipped out his wand, waiting for the right time to attack so he won't accidently hit Lupin.

Suddenly Lupin whined and stopped moving, Severus noticed his muscles relax and was about to shout out a curse when Greyback suddenly growled and let go of Lupin's shoulder. Lupin suddenly jumped up, pinning Greyback against the stone floor with a loud thud. After several moments of fighting, growling, and whines of pain, Remus had his jaws clamped tight around Greyback's throat, biting down hard enough to cause a trickle of blood to drip down to the floor.

Severus had to stop Lupin before he killed Greyback, he knew this wasn't what Lupin would want! He was fine letting the mangy, Death Eater bastard die, but not at the cost of Lupin's soul! Remus Lupin was no killer! He had to remind him of that!

"Lupin!" he shouted. "Lupin!"

He inched towards the fighting werewolves. Lupin's eyes were filled with rage and bloodlust. Golden eyes that Severus knew so well, were now glowing with a hint of red. Lupin growled in warning for Severus to back off.

Severus stepped back. "Let him go, Lupin," he demanded. "You are much more than what your about to do."

Lupin continued to glare at him with red-golden eyes, filled with hate and pain, and something much more…. Severus could barely see Lupin in those depths.

And Severus remembered the time he had to go inside Lupin's head to pull him out of his wolf state of mind. He remembered the pain and torture Lupin went through. He knew it was those memories and the threat Greyback was posing to Lupin's pack that was driving the werewolf to kill his enemy.

"I know what he did was terrible and sick but you have to remember who you are, Lupin. I know you lost yourself this summer…. But I know this isn't you. Your friends would not want this, and neither would Harry… and Black especially wouldn't want this," Severus reluctantly added Black, his heart twinging in jealousy, but still, he continued, stepping closer. "They wouldn't want you to kill him like this."

Remus growled louder, biting down deep. Greyback howled out in pain.

Severus ignored the warning growls, still stepping closer until he was a few inches away. "You're not a killer," he said. "If you had to kill, you would do it in a fair wizard's duel. I know, you know this is wrong. If you do it…it will be in revenge and in cold blood," he continued as he knelt down in front of the wolf, trying his best to not cower in fear.

Memories blinded him for a few moments of the time Black tried to kill him by luring him to a werewolf Lupin. He pushed those memories away and the fear he felt. That cold fear that seized his heart. But he ignored it all in desperation to protect Lupin from what he was about to do. For Severus finally realized that there was no need to be afraid for what happened all those years ago. Lupin was only a victim in that prank as much as Severus himself was. He knew Lupin would never intentionally hurt someone like that. He would rather die than inflict someone with his curse or even kill as the wolf. Severus had come to know the person Lupin truly was. A person so selfless, caring, thoughtful, brave, and intelligent. Everything a hundred times better than Severus could ever be.

The world was blind not to see those qualities in Lupin. Blind to only see a werewolf. Blind and ignorant to believe he was nothing more than a dangerous animal, and ignorant to fear the gold in his eyes, or when they show disgust at his scars, horrendous traits that made people fear Lupin, traits that were only beautiful to Severus.

He slowly reached his hand out and laid it gently on Lupin's furry, grey head. "I know your still there, Remus. I would never doubt my Potions skills... now listen to me...," he muttered in a low voice.

Lupin looked at him with his wide, golden-red eyes that were a torrent of emotions, anger, fear, hesitant, and shocked that Severus was touching him.

"If you kill him, then you will be just like him," Severus whispered, looking the wolf straight in the eye. Glowing, red-tinted eyes met deep, black onyx. "And I know that is not who you are… you must let go of him, because if you don't, you will become what you are fighting so hard not to be."

Remus whined before growling, biting down deeper. Greyback yelped in pain, fighting to escape Lupin's grasp. Lupin needed more than words to convince him to let go of Greyback.

Without planning it or even thinking, Severus whispered, "Legilimens." He pushed gently into Lupin's mind, going past the werewolf's abstract thoughts of _kill enemy, protect pack,_ until he found the bright swirling thoughts of Remus Lupin.

As Severus predicted, memories of Lupin's time here hit him hard and fast. Screams of terror, pain and thirst unbalanced him for a second. Memories of Greyback's words of how Lupin belonged with him, that Lupin was betraying his rightful place, of the potential he had to being a great alpha male to Greyback's pack. The feelings of repulsion Lupin had at Greyback's words. The horror and guilt he felt for killing Kaylie and the werewolf cubs, the utter disgust at himself for being a killer and a monster, for giving into the wolf and being just like Greyback.

"Let go of him, Lupin, those things do not define who you are. The deaths of those children were not your fault." Severus whispered. "But if you kill this werewolf that you hold in your jaws, then you will let him win. This is not the way to kill an enemy, not for you. I know this is what you fear. You fear that you are a monster, a beast who kills humans as if they were prey. Don't let that happen. Don't let him change you. You are stronger than this."

"I can't…." Lupin's thoughts were weak from underneath the abstract thoughts of his wolf form, but Severus was still able to hear him.

"I will help you," Severus muttered gently, before pulling himself out of Lupin's mind. He lifted his hand off of the werewolf's head.

"Come on, wolf," Severus whispered.

Lupin whined loudly again. Greyback began to choke and screech out in pain and fear of death. More blood was dripping down his neck and chest.

"Let him go!" Severus shouted.

Lupin whined again out in desperation. His ears were flat against his head, trying to decide what to do.

"Before it's too late," Severus said weakly, heart thudding in anticipation and fear for Lupin.

Lupin blinked slowly at him, the red-tint fading away as he let go of Greyback, who dropped to the floor.

It pained Severus greatly to do it, for this wretched excuse of a man had beaten his son to unconsciousness, but he remained controlled and emotionless as he murmured healing spells around the wolf's tattered throat. He only did it for Lupin. He knew Lupin wouldn't live with himself if Greyback died this way.

Lupin only watched as Severus finished up and poured a small amount of blood replenishing potion down his throat. "Incarcerous," Severus muttered. Ropes shot out of his wand, bounding the unconscious Death Eater up so the Order could take him to the Auror Department.

"He deserves much more than death," Severus sneered at Lupin who whined in reply. His muzzle and paws was stained with blood, his body battered with claw marks and bites.

It wasn't long until the Order finally arrived. Tonks and Alastor immediately arrested Greyback and took him away to the Ministry, as Kingsley began to collect evidence on Harry's kidnapping for Greyback's trial.

Albus, noticing how hurt and tired Lupin was, and how anxious Severus was to return to Harry, let them go, allowing them a few hours of rest before they had to explain to him what happened.

Severus activated the portkey he was supposed to use earlier. He held onto to it, kneeling down and wrapping an arm around Lupin's furry and bloody shoulders. His navel gave a lurch and before he knew it, they were in front of the Hogwarts gates.

It seemed like a lifetime ago when they were both here, exchanging words of luck and promises to come back with Harry.

"Just hang on, Lupin," Severus said, noticing how close to fainting he was. The werewolf only whined as he limped after Severus, bloody paw prints trailing on the ground behind him.

* * *

The walk back to the castle was brutal for Lupin and long for Severus, but they made it to the infirmary where the wolf finally collapsed. Madame Pomfrey levitated the injured Lupin to his old private room, away from the view of the professors residing in the castle.

Severus looked around until his eyes found his sleeping son nestled in the folds of the hospital wing bed. He quietly made his way towards him, pulling up a chair and sitting beside him.

He examined the boy's face which was tensed as if he were in a nightmare. Severus laid his hand over Harry's, hoping he would know that he was there.

Severus assessed the wounds on his son. Bandages were wrapped around his head, the scent of bruising balm was heavy in the air. The claw marks across his face were now thin, faded, white scars.

"He was just a bit banged up. With some rest and bruising balm, he'll be fine," Madame Pomfrey said as she exited Lupin's room after an hour. She handed Severus the tin of cream. "That's for his wrists," she said and began to check Harry's vitals.

Severus could see the white bandages sticking out from under Harry's pajama sleeves. He nodded, trying hard not to remember the image of his son chained to the wall and beaten.

"Greyback clawed him up," Severus said. "Will that affect him? Will he change every full mon?"

"The claw marks were able to heal without any complications," Madame Pomfrey answered. "Since Greyback wasn't in werewolf form, it is safe to expect that Harry will be okay. He might have some werewolf behavior, like craving extremely rare meat, but it is better than him being infected with the full curse."

Severus sighed in relief. The werewolf scratches were actually the least of his problems. It was Harry's mental state that he worried about. Surely this type of violence inflicted on Harry would bring back past issues of the abuse he suffered at his relatives. Severus frowned. This poor child could never have a break. There was always someone out to get him, always trying to hurt him. Severus would give anything to take him away from here, so he could give Harry a better life, a normal childhood. But he knew Harry would never agree to run away. Not when he knew the wizarding world was counting on him to save them from the Dark Lord.

It was another hour that passed when Madame Pomfrey again appeared out of Lupin's room, she started to diminish the lights in the hospital wing and close the curtains, so the rising sun wouldn't wake Harry up.

"Has Lupin changed back yet?" Severus asked her.

"He just completed the change," she said, as she began to pile a bunch of potions and supplies on a tray.

Severus stood up and followed her to the room. Lupin was lying in bed, naked and shivering, full of wounds that opened again and were bleeding due to his change.

Madame Pomfrey covered his middle with a blanket as she began to tend to the wounds.

The bites on Lupin's shoulder and leg were the nastiest looking wounds. Severus knew Lupin would be in pain for days as they healed. "Will he be okay?" Severus asked.

Madame Pomfrey nodded as she wrapped up Lupin's shoulder with white bandages, red blood already staining them.

"He just needs to rest and take it easy. He's had worse full moons believe it or not," the matron said disapprovingly. Severus had forgotten that the matron was always the one patching up the werewolf. So of course, this was nothing new to her. Suddenly feeling like he was intruding on something private, Severus backed out of the room and returned to his son. The room becoming brighter as the sun rose, the heavy curtains keeping the direct sunlight off of Harry.

Harry suddenly moved in his sleep, his face tensed as he mumbled incoherent words. Severus leaned over and grabbed the boys' hand. "Wake up, Harry, it's only a nightmare."

Harry opened green, bloodshot eyes. "Severus," he mumbled.

"I'm here, child…, your safe now," Severus leaned over and picked up a small vile of Dreamless Sleep Potion. He raised the vile to Harry's lips. "Drink this, it will help you sleep peacefully."

Harry drank the potion then fell back to sleep instantly. Severus gently moved the hair out of his face, before squeezing the child's hand and stood up. The potion would keep him asleep for almost the whole day. That was good, Harry's mind and body needed the rest.

Severus was exhausted, and yet, he didn't want to sleep. He didn't want to leave Harry here alone but questions were still racing through his mind.

So many unanswered questions and things that did not make sense.

Greyback was the one who attacked Harry at the Burrow, but how did he get passed the wards? Somehow he knew Narcissa had played a part in this, but he did not know how. He had to get answers. Albus was still tied up at the Ministry. There was only one person he could go too at this very moment and that was Narcissa herself.

He was going to get the truth out of her, even if it took all day. He stalked out of the castle, black robes billowing around him as he passed the gates and Apparated straight to the Malfoy's safe house.

* * *

He showed himself to the disgruntle Order guards that were standing near the perimeter of the protective wards, letting them know he had orders from Albus to question Narcissa on the night's events.

Severus knocked on the door and found himself being led in by a Hogwarts house-elf. He then stood in front of the fireplace, waiting for Narcissa to arrive.

"Severus?"

Severus turned around. It was Draco, dressed for the day and on his way to the kitchen for some breakfast.

"What brings you here so early?"

Severus frowned, of course Draco wouldn't know anything. Narcissa was a master of keeping secrets from her son.

"I've come to speak to your mother."

"What happen? My mother did seem anxious last night during dinner. She just said it was the full moon and she didn't like how our cabin was in the middle of the woods."

Severus was about to say it was none of his concern and to stop being a nosey brat, when he realized Draco had a right to know what his mother was involved with. After all, he was here because of her. Whatever she did affected him, something Narcissa obviously did not care about. The only thing that did stop him from saying anything, was how hurt Draco would be when he learned how his mother was involved in Harry's kidnapping. The poor Slytherin was conflicted, believing his mother was betraying the dark side, he himself still stuck on that side, forced to complete a task he did not want to do, forced to prove himself loyal to the wrong side of the war, because if not, that would mean death.

"Silencio!" Severus whispered. The silencing ward went up, preventing any eavesdropping from Narcissa, who should be on her way downstairs any moment. "You don't have to complete that task, Draco!" he scowled.

"Sir?"

Severus spun around and knelt down in front of the teen. "You don't have to complete the task. We can protect you. We can keep you safe, just like how we're keeping you and your mother safe right now."

Draco shook his head. "It's too late, Professor. The Dark Lord knows where we are. My mother says that the only reason why he hasn't attacked us yet, is because he expects me to complete the task. His punishment for my mother is to see her only son become a murderer, a Death Eater. He is taking away my childhood, my innocence, and he knows that is the worst punishment he could inflict on my parents. If I betray him, it means death for my whole family."

"Draco..."

"It's too late …," Draco's voice shook. "Don't worry, I won't say a word to anyone about this conversation. I know you're not loyal to the Dark Lord. I've always known, but chose not to believe it, afraid too really…but I see the truth now. Your loyalty is not even to Dumbledore anymore. It's to Harry… and that is why I am not going to betray you to the Dark Lord. Such information could save me from this hell, but I won't do it, I won't do that to my best friend."

"You're absolutely right…," Severus said quietly. Barely realizing it himself as he pondered Draco's words. The only thing bothering him was the act of betrayal he was doomed to cause against Harry, when the time came for him to kill Albus. Guilt seared through him, but he had to remind himself that if he didn't do it, then Draco would have too. And this boy had already lost so much and suffered greatly over the war, just as much as Harry did. In the end, Harry will understand. Severus had to hold on to that. "Harry is your best friend?" Severus could only ask. "What changed?"

"I got to know him…if things would had been different, if there was no war, we could had been friends. When we first met we were divided by prejudices and on different sides of the war…. In this life, we could never be friends...," Draco said sadly. "I thank you for the summer, Severus, it pulled me away from the darkness for a while, away from reality. It reminded me of what it really means to live carefree, like a normal teenager, and experience having a true friend…even if we are on opposite sides of this war…. I was able to forget for a little while," Draco said sadly. "I give you my best, Severus. You really can't help me now. Don't even try, I won't accept it." Draco turned and left, closing the kitchen door behind him.

Severus was left feeling empty, wishing more than ever, that his godson didn't have to go through this. Wishing more than ever, and feeling guilty as hell, that he wasn't able to save him from the darkness.

As he waited for Narcissa, Severus put up several more wards to prevent Draco from coming back in. He certainly did not want Draco to learn what has happened to Harry.

"Severus, for what do I owe for your sudden company?" Narcissa asked, dressed in shimmering, silver robes that trailed down to the floor. Her long, blonde hair wavy and falling past her shoulders, ending just below her waist.

"I believe you are curious with how the night turned out?" Severus asked, his voice controlled, barely hinting a small note of warning.

"Whatever are you intending, Severus?" she asked coolly.

"You know perfectly well what I'm intending!" Severus snapped, losing all patient and subtly.

"Potter was kidnapped the night before, I believe you had a hand with this, did you not?!"

"Why would you believe that, Severus? Why would you even be upset that Potter was kidnapped? Why would you care if the brat was dead? Don't tell me you have grown to lo..."

"Don't play dumb with me! Don't accuse me of what you don't understand!" Severus shouted, stalking up towards her with rage in his eyes. This woman had helped Greyback kidnapped his son, she had hurt him!

"I know what happened! How Greyback was able to take Harry away, so he could use him for his vendetta against Lupin!"

"Who told you? How did you..."

"Know? No one had to tell me! I just had to figure out the pieces for myself!" Severus spat in her face, his wand pointing at her.

"Now what I want to know is how he managed to pull the plan off! A savage beast of a werewolf, hardly human, incapable of performing any magic that is no higher than a fifth year! You were the only Death Eater in the castle this summer, the only one likely to help him!"

Narcissa only smirked, "be careful with what you're saying, Severus, for I shall think you are betraying our Lord."

"Just tell me the role you played in this!" Severus scowled.

"Or what, Severus! What are you going to do? The other Death Eaters all know you're going soft. They sense the anger and mistrust the Dark Lord feels towards you. It is only a matter of time before he calls you and you will have to prove your loyalty."

"You're still on the Dark Lord's side? Your betrayal was just a set up?" Severus wasn't surprised at all.

"Of course, Severus, the Dark Lord was growing suspicious. Didn't you wonder about his lack of calls for you?"

Severus frowned, at least that question was answered. "And what is the reason behind Draco's task? Why is he punishing you and Lucius?"

"It was for the failure at the Ministry," Narcissa snapped in annoyance.

"Do you have any idea what your lies and secrets are doing to Draco? He has it in his head, that he has to complete this task, or you and his father shall perish."

Narcissa frowned at this. "He won't fail. He has you, and if you betray us, I know you won't betray Draco. That is why I made you take the vow. If you betray us, you will still help him murder Albus Dumbledore."

Severus shouted out in rage, pushing Narcissa against the wall. She only laughed, looking never before like her sister Bellatrix Lestrange.

He pointed his wand at her, knowing he should kill her or at least wipe her memory. For as soon as he leaves, she will immiedtley go to the Dark Lord. She had all the proof she needed, to know that Severus was indeed on the light side. But he couldn't do it. The Dark Lord would still see this memory despite of a memory charm. The only answer was death for this witch, and he couldn't do it. He couldn't kill his godson's mother, no matter how demented and crazy she was. He lowered his wand. He knew he was going to regret this decision.

"I'm only letting you go for Draco," he said before turning around and leaving the house.

* * *

As soon as Severus returned, the sun was high in the sky. It was now time for lunch, but he was not hungry. He made his way straight back to Harry who was still miraculously asleep. Fatigue and exhaustion hitting him hard, he climbed into bed next to his son. In a couple of hours he expected hell to rain down on him from the Dark Lord and before that happened, he didn't want to leave Harry out of his sight. He pulled the sleeping teen close to him, falling into a deep sleep.

Severus woke an hour later to pain that shot up through his arm.

"No!" he muttered, he looked at his dark mark, pulsating and calling him to the Dark Lord's side. This was it. The call Severus had been dreading.

_You have disappointed me, and I will give you another chance to make up for your disloyalty. Next time I call you, bring me the boy…._

The Dark Lord's hissing voice rang in his memory, of the cold terror Severus felt that torturous night of pain.

_He wants me to bring Harry now!_

Narcissa must had told him their conversation. The Dark Lord knows he had betrayed him, and the only way he'll be welcomed back, and prove his loyalty, was to bring Harry.

"Fuck the Dark Lord!" Severus snarled to himself.

He held his sleeping son close to him. Tears falling down his cheeks as the unbearable pain made his body spasm in agony. And the only thing that existed was that fiery, burning, pain that shattered everything that made Severus who he was. He held in his screams until the world was full of pain and darkness. The only thing that kept him anchored to his sanity was the knowledge that his son was there with him, sleeping at the moment, and when he woke, Harry would need him.

**A/N: Did you like this chapter? I hope you did! It took me a while to finish it! Sorry for the long update, I got caught up with work and school. So please review and tell me your thoughts! I'm dying to hear from you guys =D. I won't be doing review responses today, I just really want to post this already lol. Anyways, thanks so much for all the reviews and follows and favs, etc...from the last chapter! I'm glad you all enjoyed it! –Chase'sGirl19**


	29. Chapter 29 Until the Very End

**Chapter Twenty-Nine – Until the Very End**

Pain….

So much pain that burned his skin….

Pain….It boiled his blood….

It ravaged through his whole body, charring his bones black. It took a hold of his heart and very soul, until there was nothing left but that excruciating pain….

He should be used to pain. He grew up with pain. Pain was all he had known. Memories of himself...

A young child...with dark long hair covering his face.

A father who was supposed to love him and keep him safe, only brought pain, fear, hunger and worthlessness, hate, darkness and pain… always pain…. It hung over him like a guillotine.

Everything was always dark...everything was meaningless. There was no reason to fight anymore. Just let father beat him...just let mother drink herself to death. Let her lose herself to depression. Just let her son drown in the agony of it all, let him go….

And then she was there… a green fire who pulled him out of the darkness. That bright green fire which belonged to the girl with red hair. The fire in the depths of her bright-green eyes. The girl who saved him. The girl who showed him love and friendship. She brought him to the light, pulled him out and saved him with her kindness and beauty. The girl who caused him the most unbearable pain he had ever known.

Pain so raw and deep shot through him when he found her body lifeless on the floor. And he knew it was his fault. If only he had held on to her. If only he had listened to her. If only he had not been so fascinated with the dark arts, then they still would had been friends. He would had died for her if it assured her safety. And he was a coward to choose the dark side, a coward to turn away from the light, away from her. It would always be his fault. He had killed her. She was his best friend, the most important and only person he cared about. She was the fire that warmed his soul. She was the only one who knew the true person he hid behind his wall. She who caused him the greatest pain, was the one who saved him….

* * *

When Severus woke, the hopelessness and despair still clung onto him, making his heart heavy and his mood dark. For he knew there was no way out. He was foolish to believe that he could avoid the Dark Lord. His dreams were nothing but flashes of his past. They made him realize he had to keep going. He had to fight but it was hard to go on. It was so damn hard and all he wanted was peace. All he wanted was a way out.

Black hair was suddenly in his face. He shifted back to see a sleeping Harry beside him. Severus stayed still, staring at his son. Black eyes not really seeing, and his mind just numb to every emotion that burned his heart. So deep in despair Severus was, that he did not notice the old wizard sitting in a purple, squashy armchair with gold stars behind him, waiting patiently for Severus to pull himself together.

The dark mark was still pulsating fiery pain up his arm and in his heart. The Dark Lord was still waiting for him, still calling, and the longer Severus kept him waiting, the worse his punishment will be.

Severus looked again at his sleeping son. There was no way in hell he was taking Harry to him. No way in hell he was betraying Harry like that. Severus couldn't get up. He couldn't move. He was so tired of feeling trapped between the two sides of the war. He just wanted it all to end, so he could live peacefully with his son who had a fate worse than his own. Harry, a child caught in this war just like Severus, and the only way to find peace was if they both played their roles in this war. They had no choice. Severus was falling apart at the idea of Albus' plan. He was falling apart at the knowledge that he would have to kill him… and that betrayal… it would ultimately crush Harry. But if Severus didn't do it, then he would destroy everything that Albus had worked so hard on.

Severus shut his eyes closed and pushed those thoughts away. He had to go back. He had to go to the Dark Lord. He had to resume his role as a Death Eater, the spy, the traitor….

He knew what he had to do… and he thought when she turned away from him, when Lily died… that was the worst pain he had ever felt... he was wrong... That was nothing compared to what he was feeling. For instead of taking Harry and running away, instead of protecting his son from the prophecy, from his fate, from the betrayal and pain from Severus' task, he was going to get up and do his duty for that infuriating old wizard sitting in that ridiculous purple armchair. Albus did not have to say a word. For Severus knew... he knew even though everything in him was fighting against it.

"Severus...," Albus said quietly.

"Will it be worth it in the end?" Severus said, his voice sounding stronger than he expected. "All of these sacrifices, all of this pain... will it all be worth it?"

Severus didn't turn around. He ran his hand through Harry's hair. The boy shifted in his sleep and began snoring softly. Despite the darkness looming over them, Severus couldn't help but smile. Draco was right, Harry does snore sometimes.

"It will be, Severus. These sacrifices, this pain you're going through it will be worth it. It will bring you the peace you long for. This is all for Harry, for the children, for the future. If we don't do this, if we don't fight, then our world and everything that is good and pure, and life itself, would be lost forever. We cannot lose this war. If we lose, there would only be darkness and bloodshed. If we don't fight, if we don't sacrifice, it will affect the outcome of this war. We have to do this, Severus, for the greater good."

Severus snorted. It was always for the greater good. Well he wished the greater good could just bloody screw itself. But even he could never be that selfish or heartless. The greater good was Harry's future.

"What if I don't want to do this anymore, Albus? Why can't it be someone else? What if I refuse to follow your orders? What if I say that you are taking too much from me? Asking for too much? What if I can't fight anymore?"

"I know you, Severus," Albus said after studying him for a few moments with his calm, blue gaze. How could he be so calm when Severus' emotions were tearing him up inside?

"You have many qualities and I know what you're thinking. Selfishness isn't one of them. I know you will do what is right because if you don't, you will never be able to live with yourself, you will never be at peace," Albus said softly.

Severus sighed and slowly sat up. He raised his eyes to look at his old mentor.

"You know this is the best chance Harry has, the best chance you have to make sure he succeeds."

Severus only nodded in return, not really knowing what to say. His heart was beating heavily with dread. After a while he spoke, "It's not too late to go to the Dark Lord..." If the Dark Lord decided to kill him off, then Severus would just have to fight like hell for his life and if he failed, then maybe it's better than having to betray Harry. Maybe this would be his way out.

For some reason Albus seemed to know what Severus was thinking. His blue eyes were sad as he looked at him. Severus averted his eyes away. How was it that he always knew what Severus was thinking? He was one of the greatest Occlumency masters in the world and still, Albus always managed to see right through him.

"It certainly isn't too late, you are still his most valuable Death Eater. He will not kill you, Severus, if that is what you're worried about. If he kills you then he loses the only pair of eyes in this castle."

Severus nodded, "I have a lot to discuss with you before I go... shall we head to your office? I don't want Harry to over hear us."

Albus nodded, "of course, Severus."

* * *

Moments later Severus found himself explaining last night's events of Harry's rescue and Lupin's fight against Greyback in wolf form. Albus had listened with a quiet, thoughtful look. At last Severus was finally moving on to the most important events.

"I believe I do not have to remind you of the Dark Lord's request the next time he calls for me?"

Albus nodded, "he wanted you to bring Harry."

Severus nodded. "You know if I go without him… you might have to change your plan…."

"Like I've said before, Severus. I'm confident that he will not kill you."

Severus scowled at Albus' unfailing confidence. "Okay, since you are so convinced the Dark Lord won't end my life today, then let me tell you more of last night!"

"Do go on, Severus," Albus encouraged him with those bloody twinkling blue-eyes, that Severus seriously just wanted to punch the old man in the face.

Severus scowled again and began, "once I made sure Lupin and Harry were taken care of in the hospital wing, I visited Narcissa and Draco. I talked to Draco first. The kid is not doing so great. I tried to offer my assistance but he refused. I even told him he didn't have to go through this alone, better yet, not at all… he still refused. The brat is stubborn. He has it in that big, arrogant head of his that he needs to do it or his parents will die. What he doesn't understand, is that no matter what he does, as long as he and his family are in league with the Dark Lord, he and his family will always be in danger."

"All we can do is keep an eye on him, Severus. You will have to do that without his knowledge. We still cannot let him fall. He cannot be a murderer. That is not what he is."

Severus knew Albus was right. Draco was to soft, innocent, still a child in the middle of a war just like Harry. "I know. I will not let him become his aunt or even his father. He is much more like his mother, or what she used to be. He isn't strong enough to complete this task and if by some miracle he succeeds, the guilt and horror of it all will break him. He will suffer a fate far worse than death."

"That is why it is so important to watch him," Albus said and then asked, "you spoke to Narcissa about Harry's kidnapping?"

Severus' lips tightened in annoyance at the thought of the witch. "She is probably spewing treacherous lies to the Dark Lord as we speak!" Severus snapped and he told Albus everything of their conversation.

"Now do you understand the reason why the Dark Lord is calling me now and I have not beckoned to his call? He wants me to prove my loyalty to him and what better time to do so when he has been given more reasons to doubt me from Narcissa. I'll go, Albus, but there is no way I'm taking Harry."

Severus decided let go of the words that have been threatening to burst. He was never this open with Albus. Always preferring to keep things to himself, after all Severus was a private person. The less people knew the man behind his walls, behind his mask, the better.

"To tell you the truth, Albus, if I had not come to know the boy, I would had gone to the Dark Lord without hesitation. I would had gladly died for this war, for you and your cause, Albus, but now…, I find myself wanting to be careful. I cannot die. I cannot leave Harry behind. He is my son now. I have a son and I cannot give up my life so easily. I will of course do as I promised for you, but just know, Albus, that it's taking a lot out of me. Your task and the constant threats to my life to keep my cover for you. It's taking a lot out of me because everything I do for this war that puts me in danger, I worry for the outcome. I worry how Harry would deal with my death. If anything happens to me...If I don't come back... will you take care of him for me? Don't let him go back to those relatives. Just grant me this one thing, Albus."

Albus who remained silent the whole time Severus spoke with his expression so torn, looking so tired, Severus almost felt bad for making Albus out to be a bad person. He knew the old wizard was doing all he could for the war. He knew Albus was suffering as well.

"I hate myself for putting you through this, Severus," Albus' expression was somber, his voice regretful. A lump in Severus' throat formed from guilt and sorrow.

"If I could change things I would. If there was another way... I would take it. Again I apologize, Severus. I care about you and Harry. And the things you two have to go through for this war… you two deserve better."

"Don't say anymore, Albus...," Severus muttered. "I must go. If anything please take care of my son," Severus reminded him.

Albus nodded, "of course I will, Severus, and like I've said moments ago, you will come back."

Severus seriously had to hold himself back from cursing Albus' tongue off as he scowled and the left the office.

* * *

Severus Apparated to the Riddle house in little Hamilton. Pain shot through his arm, a reminder of the excruciating pain he was going to be in mere seconds from now.

"Severusss," the Dark Lord's voice hissed dangerously from the shadows. It was threatening and dark. It promised only pain and death. Severus forced himself not to shiver in fear as he strengthen his mental shields.

"I almost thought you weren't coming, Severus, I'm glad you've decided to grace us with your presence."

Severus could feel the others watching in the shadows, always watching and giving off the rank stench of fear. Bellatrix's gleaming eyes peered from the shadows. Severus could feel Narcissa's cold stare burning the back of his neck. He didn't hear the spell until it was too late. He was in so much pain. The worse physical pain he ever felt, for nothing could compare to the mental pain that he's gone through in the past, for her death…Lily. The one he was doing all of this for. The girl with the bright-green eyes, and it was her memory that he held on too. The physical pain couldn't compare even to the mental pain at the thought of betraying Harry. And it was Harry's laughter he held on too. The love he had for his adopted son was behind his mental shields to keep the Dark Lord out, keeping them strong. It felt like years had passed when the pain finally stopped, leaving Severus panting on the floor. He dared not get up. He did not dare to look at the Dark Lord and into his gleaming, unnatural, red serpent eyes.

"I've always had no reason to doubt your loyalty, Severus. My faithful servant who bears the most reason to be on my side. Dumbledore and his little Order never had anything to offer for you. Only mistrust, always mistrust. Whereas I gave you power, I made you who you are today, Severus, my most loyal servant. And then I hear that you have betrayed me, that you have fallen under that old fool's spell and even grown to care for Harry Potter. Is this all true, Severussss? Convince me that it is not. Show me your loyalty, where is the boy, Severusss? Where is Harry Potter?"

Severus stayed where he was. Not moving, not answering.

"The only thing I asked of you to prove your loyalty was to bring Harry Potter and I've see you failed. This tells me the rumors may be right but I'll never know until I see for myself," the Dark Lord hissed, walking around him slowly, his feet bare and his robes dragging behind him on the floor, disturbing the dust.

Severus could feel the Dark Lord invading his mind and he let him. He gave out all of his false memories that he prepared for him. False memories flashed in his eyes of Severus and Harry fighting, Severus making the boy miserable and trying to take him to the Dark Lord and Albus finding out, keeping a close eye on him and taking Harry away from him, and forcing Severus to not answer the Dark Lord's call last night.

The Dark Lord left his mind and shouted, "Crucio!"

Severus shouted out in pain as curse after tortures curse cut his skin and pained him in every way possible, until he was almost to the point of unconsciousness did the Dark Lord finally stopped. Trembling, and panting and full of blood and pain, Severus dragged his abused body to a kneeling position at the Dark Lord's feet. Knowing this was what was expected of him right now, and it was this quick action that saved him from any further wrath on the Dark Lord's part.

Truly hating himself for this Severus began to grovel at his feet. "Forgive me my Lord, forgive me for my mistakes for letting you believe that I have betrayed you where I have been loyal all this time!"

"As long as you have always been faithful, then I will spare your life. This was due to all false accusations from those that are jealousss of you."

Suddenly shrieks of pain were heard from the shadowy corner of the room.

It was Narcissa and Severus almost felt sorry for her but the witch brought this on herself.

"Leave us, Severusss, return to your post," the Dark Lord hissed, his eyes only for the withering form of Narcissa.

The voice was so cold, so detached that Severus did not hesitate. He dragged himself off the floor and as quickly as he could, he left the dark hall and Apparated straight back to the gates of Hogwarts.

* * *

The first thing Harry noticed when he woke were bright white walls, so bright and clean that the sunlight reflecting on them blinded him. He had no recollection of how he got here. The last thing he remembered was Greyback with his snarling yellow fangs and claws, and the burning pain. He remembered mostly the pain, which made the memories resurface, memories of a childhood so terrible it caused him to tremble and scratch at his skin.

Still blinded by the sun and his missing glasses, Harry began to panic. He had no idea where he was, his mind became clearer as he began to fully wake up, yet still confused. Was he still with Greyback? Harry tried to remember what happened last night but he could not. The clean white walls and smell of antiseptic reminded him of Private Drive when Aunt Petunia was going through one of her cleaning rampages. He wasn't back at the Dursleys was he? he thought in horror that clutched at his heart. Was Severus so angry with him that he sent him back while he was asleep? Harry honestly wouldn't blame Severus if he did. It was his fault after all that Greyback managed to get his claws on him. Harry had practically walked right to him in Knockturn Ally. He was stupid to wander off knowing full well that someone was out to get him. He was lucky no harm had come to Ron or Hermione. If they were hurt, Harry would never had forgiven himself. Still wondering if he was at Private Drive, Harry closed his eyes afraid to move, afraid to find out, he just wanted to lay here in his blissful ignorance.

A door suddenly opened and shut causing him to flinch. His ears listened for the voices of his relatives. His body was tensed and ready for the hit that was sure to come from Uncle Vernon. The footsteps came nearer and Harry tried harder not to move. Fear was quickly taking over. He hated how his uncle would always have this affect over him. Harry wished he could be strong like Severus, who was never afraid to lie to Voldemort in his face. He wished so much he could be brave like him.

The bed dipped down. Harry stiffened up more as a gentle hand rested on his shoulder. Even though it was the opposite of what Harry was expecting, he still flinched away. He opened his eyes in fearful curiosity to see who the owner of the hand was.

To his surprise it was not Uncle Vernon but his…

"Dad!" Harry croaked out in relief, his body slowly relaxing and the fear he felt faded away. He wasn't at Private Drive, he thought, thanking the heavens in his head. He noticed that the curtains were closed now and he was finally able to recognize his surroundings.

He was at the hospital wing.

"How are you feeling?" his dad's voice was low and calm as he handed Harry his glasses. Now that his glasses were on, he could see his dad's face. He could see the pain in his eyes and the way he was holding himself. This surprised him, Severus was always hiding his emotions, always hiding even a paper cut from Harry and everyone else. Severus never let anything escape behind his walls. So something terrible must had happened for Severus to show pain in front of Harry.

Harry frowned as he sat up and then noticed the bandages on him.

Harry looked at the white bandages and felt his face, remembering the scratches from Greyback. "I'm okay," he said, feeling his unmarked face in surprise.

"I just feel itchy and sore," he added after a while.

It was so quite...Severus was quiet... Harry desperately wanted to know what happened but he didn't want to ask. Didn't want to know anything that signified pain or fear or bad news. He was sick of bad news.

"It will take a few days for your injuries to heal completely as they are from a dark creature."

Harry nodded as he then suddenly realized, "will I be a…," his heart speeding up in fear and his legs going numb.

Severus shook his head. "Madame Pomfrey informed me that your scratches are healing well. She said there is a small chance that you might have some wolfish behavior, like craving rare meat for example or being allergic to silver or being antsy around the full moon, but she is sure that you are not a werewolf since Greyback was in his human form at the time."

"When will you know when my behavior has changed?" Harry asked, his fear slightly going away. Still he didn't like the idea of possibly wanting to eat rare meat and his skin burning every time he touched silver. He was already a freak with a messed up childhood, now he was also a freak who has werewolf behavior. Why did everything have to happen to him?

"Hey are you still with me, kid?" Severus' low monotone pulled him out of his thoughts.

Harry nodded, not looking at the Potions Master.

"Just be grateful that you weren't bitten, Harry, it could had been worse, you know," Severus said in a warning voice.

_He must sense one of my tantrums coming…_ Harry figured, forcing himself to not roll his eyes.

"Look at me, kid," Severus muttered and Harry did.

His frustration and fear went away and he sighed, "Is being normal for once too much to ask for?"

Severus smiled, a small smile that didn't reach his eyes. Harry knew something was definitely wrong. "Normal is overrated," Severus answered.

"I guess your preparing for my upcoming lecture on how reckless and stupid I acted and my disregard for your rules that were meant to keep me safe?" Harry asked sheepishly wondering if that was the reason for Severus' behavior.

Severus narrowed his eyes at him. "That can wait, for now I want you to rest."

Harry nodded, feeling like crap and wishing he could just get his punishment over with. He never liked waiting for it. The wait always drove him crazy when he was stuck at Private Drive _But this is Severus…_, he reminded himself.

Suddenly there was a knock on the doors of the hospital wing.

"Enter," Severus called out.

Albus Dumbledore stepped in, wearing light blue robes and a somber, yet cheerful expression at the sight of Harry and Severus.

As Dumbledore approached Harry did not missed the look that transpired between the two professors and the relief that shown in Dumbledore's eyes as he patted Severus' shoulder in a fatherly manner.

"I see you are finally awake, Harry, how are you feeling?" he smiled.

Harry shrugged, "I'm okay, professor," he mumbled, feeling sick of people asking if he was okay. Severus cleared his throat and narrowed his eyes at Harry, for the professor knew Harry was far from okay. Severus knew Harry was putting up his mask, not letting Dumbledore see his true emotions.

"Severus, you don't mind if I speak to Harry alone, do you? It is of very important matters that is to take place this upcoming school term."

Severus nodded stiffly, showing his disapproval but he got up anyway. His movements were slow as if he were indeed in pain. Harry made it a mental note to get it out of Severus when he had the chance and find out what was wrong. This strange behavior was really starting to worry him.

Once Severus had left, Dumbledore sat down on the chair besides his bed. "Harry, I wanted to apologize to you," the headmaster began. Harry tore his eyes away from the closed hospital wing doors where his dad had disappeared behind.

"For what, professor?" Harry asked, wondering on earth what this could be about.

"I'm apologizing for putting you through so much. I know this is the last thing you want to hear from me and I know how angry you were when I apologized in June after Sirius..."

Harry looked at Dumbledore, feeling sympathy for the old man. Sure he's done a lot of douchy things in the past but always with the best intentions, and honestly, after all that happened between them, it didn't matter anymore. They were in a middle of a war. They had to forget their differences. It doesn't matter anymore with who is in the wrong or who is right or who is the victim. The war is more important and that their side wins.

"Professor, we can't erase what happened or our mistakes. Yes, I was angry at you for so many things, for sending me to the Dursleys and Sirius dying. I don't want to be angry with you. I understand what you're trying to do, I'm your best chance to survive this war and I can't fault you for that. So it's okay. There's no need to apologize to me. I'm okay now, and because of you, I'm with Severus now."

Dumbledore nodded, "everything I've done was indeed with the best intentions, Harry, and to make it up to you, I'm going to prepare you. No more test or wrong decisions on my part. I'm going to be giving you lessons during the school year, lessons where I will be giving you valuable information to win this war."

Harry gaped in surprise, suppressed excitement and curiosity filling his eyes. A thousand questions were racing through his mind wondering what kind of information Dumbledore was going to be giving him. It had to do something with Voldemort for sure...

"Now, Harry, I want you to understand that this information must remain between you and me. Tell no one else."

"What about Ron and Hermione?" Harry asked. "Or my dad?"

"You can tell your friends. I won't deny their help from you, you three make a strong team. Just be sure to tell them the importance of keeping this secret. Now as for Severus, Harry, I must disappoint you once more…."

Harry's heart sank, knowing that was a no.

"Is it because he is too close with Voldemort?" Harry asked.

Dumbledore nodded. "In time Severus will learn everything, but for now its best you keep this from him. He knows about the lessons but not what I'm teaching you."

Harry nodded feeling bad he had to keep this from Severus, but at least he knew Harry had no choice. That made him feel a little less guilty.

Dumbledore patted Harry's shoulder and stood up, "get some rest, Harry."

"How is Remus?" Harry asked.

"He's okay, Madame Pomfrey patched him up and he is currently asleep. You can visit him once he is awake."

Long after Dumbledore left, Harry was still deep in thought about everything that has happened. The whole summer with Severus, the adoption, Harry's kidnapping and Remus... the summer Remus had and the pain he went through…. Harry's grief for Sirius and the acceptance that was still slowly coming. It was so much to take in and then the war seemed to be closer. He began to worry for the people he loved, for Remus, for Hermione, Ron and the Weasleys, for his dad..., for Dumbledore, for everyone in his life. And he thought of all the people he lost, Sirius and his parents, to this war he didn't want to lose anyone else. This war had to end, so he hoped that whatever Dumbledore was planning to teach him will work, he hoped so much that it would help him defeat Voldemort in the end.

Once the sun began to go down and the hospital wing was filled with the evening light, Harry had finally come to the conclusion that in the end, it was going to be him and Voldemort, according to the prophecy Dumbledore had revealed to him months ago. This time Harry was not afraid. He knew that he wasn't alone, a harsh lesson that he was still learning. He knew there was no way Severus, Remus or his friends would let him fight alone. Fine, he would let them in, he will let them fight with him, but not at the cost of their lives, that was one thing Harry wished. He didn't want them to die for him, but there was no stopping them. They were all very stubborn to fight with him and protect him. Harry couldn't understand why. He was only a freak….and then he felt guilty for thinking that because for once, he knew he was wrong. He knew he wasn't a freak, something Severus has told him over and over. They were doing this because he was their family… it was so strange that realization, so foreign to be part of an actual family. If anything, this summer turned out so completely different then what he had expected. He surly thought he would had died at Uncle Vernon's hands or even starvation at Private Drive. When Dumbledore brought him and Severus together, Harry would never had known they would end up as a little family, something Harry had wanted his whole life… and it was something he would protect until the very end.

**A/N: I'm so very sorry for this very late post. I just got caught up with school and work and I might have gotten sucked into a Supernatural marathon on Netflix! I love that show! I'm a fan of Destiel now! lol so if anyone of you know any good Destiel fics let me know please =D and don't worry this isn't the last chapter even though it is titled Until the Very End. Please review and I hope you enjoy! – Chase'sGirl19**


	30. Chapter 30 And I'm Saying Goodbye

**Chapter Thirty - And I'm Saying Goodbye**

**Disclaimer: I do not own the song Say Something by A Great Big world. **

**A/N: I've added a song in this chapter, I hope you guys don't mind. If you want to play it when you get that to part, the tile and band name is in the disclaimer above.**

The sea breeze hit Harry in the face as he and Severus landed on the sand near the shore. Severus pocketed the portkey they used as Harry stared at the view in front of him. There was nothing but blue, clear water as far as he could see. White birds above him were screaming and diving in the water. The sun was shining down, warming his skin. He breathed in the air which smelled heavily of salt.

"Are you going to stand there all day?" Severus asked in amusement, already walking down to the shoreline.

Harry shook his head and followed him. He was dressed in red swimming shorts and a black t-shirt. Severus was dressed in black swimming shorts and shirt with his hair pulled up into a ponytail. His skin was shallow as ever, and Harry thought that maybe the sun would give Severus a nice tan.

It was the early morning before term started the next day. Severus had kidnapped Harry from Madame Pomfrey's clutches, saying he needed Harry's help in gathering potion ingredients at the beach.

Harry knew Severus didn't need to find potion ingredients, he knew Severus was using that as an excuse to just bring him to the beach. Harry decided not to say anything and just let Severus have this one.

He ran after his dad, who was now walking further along the shoreline. Severus then paused to scoop up some seaweed in a flask. Harry ran past him straight into the water, then turned around and made a beeline back to the shore.

Severus, noticing this, laughed, "the water too cold?"

Before Harry could reach the shore, a wave came crashing down from behind him and smacked him from behind, sending water over his back and shoulders.

Harry yelled out in shock as Severus laughed.

"The water is salty!" Harry exclaimed in surprise.

"I forget you're a complete novice to the ocean," Severus smirked as he walked into the water that swirled around below his knees. Harry glared at him and went further in until the water was above his waist. "Don't go in to far or you'll get stuck in the current," Severus had warned him.

Harry respected his wish and did not go in any further, instead he floated on his back just like when he was back at the lake, when they were camping….when it seemed to Harry as if everything was falling apart, and he so much wanted to die. He was glad he didn't… he would had missed out on this. He would had missed out on Severus being his new dad and spending the last day of summer at the beach with him.

It wasn't long until Severus joined him.

"Enjoying yourself?" the professor asked.

"I am," Harry said as he righted himself up, his feet touched the wet sand underneath the water. Feeling a bit reckless at the moment, Harry splashed water at Severus who shouted out in surprised then chuckled and gave him a mock glare and sent a huge wave of water coming his way. Harry splutter as the water hit his face. He was about to send another splash when suddenly a huge wave began to form. Severus laughed and said, "swim over it!" Harry had no idea what he meant so he just followed Severus' lead and followed him until they were on top of the wave and then it floated back down as the wave crashed beneath them.

That was the strangest thing Harry had ever done. They spent a few hours battling the waves and Severus teaching Harry more swimming techniques to help him.

"Ahhh! Something touched me!" Harry suddenly shouted. Something slimy and long had wrapped around his ankle.

Severus turned to him as Harry swam in a panic to him and lifted his foot out of the water, completely freaking out.

"It's just seaweed!" Severus bursted out laughing as he got it off of him.

"Let's get back to the shore, I feel like I've been beaten up by the ocean!" Harry said and they made their way out of the water.

* * *

Once they were settled on towels and finishing the last of their lunch, Harry couldn't help but look at his dad. It was so strange. It still surprised Harry sometimes that he was forever away from the Dursleys and now he had Severus, who used to be nothing but an evil Potions Master who hated him. He would never had dreamed that one day they'll be here eating lunch together at the beach.

Severus had sacrificed so much for him this summer. He given Harry a home, a room of his own and much needed support, and all harry had done in return, was put his life in danger. That last thought made Harry feel so guilty, he lost his appetite and suddenly he couldn't enjoy the day anymore until they talked about the fiasco with Greyback.

Severus had woken Harry up at the crack of dawn and brought him straight here. They had no time to talk about Harry's kidnapping and the foolish actions he had acted upon. He couldn't wait any longer. This was the last day of summer and he didn't want to end it with that guilt hanging over his head.

"Severus...," Harry said hesitantly.

Severus turned around to look at him. "Yes, Harry? Did you finish your lunch?"

Harry nodded, "yes, thank you… it was very good. Can we talk about what I did to get kidnapped by Greyback? I'm tired of waiting for my punishment."

"Your punishment? I hope you're not expecting your uncle's version," Severus' deep voice was full of disapproval for the Dursleys.

Harry shook his head "no. I trust you enough not to hurt me… you're my dad…," he said shyly, still not quite used to calling Severus dad out loud.

A shadow of emotion flickered in Severus' eyes.

Harry looked at him and then blinked. The emotion was gone. He would had thought he imagined it, if it weren't for Severus' change of demeanor. He almost looked guilty… but of what?

"Are you sure you don't want to wait until we are home?" Severus asked and then his mask was on again. Harry thought that was very strange and added it to the list of things he wanted to ask Severus later.

"I really just want to get it over with."

Severus studied Harry's face until he nodded, "very well." He wrapped up his left over sandwich and along with the trash, he vanished it away with his wand.

"To be honest, child, I was angry at you when Granger and Weasley brought me the news, but I only felt that for a second, because what I felt more strongly was fear. I was so afraid that you were hurt, that you might had been…killed... I was afraid I lost you." Severus' voice was full of hurt, giving Harry a small taste of what the professor had felt that day. The guilt in him becoming worse, Harry only looked down, his cheeks burning in shame.

"We have rules for a reason, Harry. We took precautions that day, we established guards for you, all so you could be safe."

"I know, sir, but Malfoy was up to something!" Harry protested, he couldn't take the guilt any longer. He felt suddenly like he had to justify himself and then Severus could see that he had wandered off for a good reason. And plus, maybe, Severus would know what to do about Draco possibly being a Death Eater. He was worried for his friend. He missed Draco, despite how rude the Slytherin was at Diagon Ally. Harry knew it was only a mask but the scorn in Draco's voice sounded so real. It was hard to tell if he was still pretending, and it hurt to see his friend going down the wrong path. He wished there was something he could do to help him. "Can I tell you why I wandered off," Harry asked.

"You may, but it won't change anything, Harry. You have to understand that no matter what happens, your safety always comes first."

Harry blushed, "I know…just hear me out, okay."

Severus nodded, not saying anymore and allowing Harry to speak.

Harry took a deep breath. _Well here goes nothing_, he thought. "I think Draco might be a Death Eater."

Severus frowned at his words. It was silent for a moment until the professor asked, "and what is your proof?"

"When we ran into him at Madame Malkin's, he yelled at her when she was close to his forearm. Why else would he do that unless he has the dark mark?"

"That could mean anything, Harry, and it could also mean nothing…," Severus sounded doubtful.

Annoyed at Severus' doubt, Harry just continued on, "later, Hermione, Ron and I, saw Draco giving Narcissa the slip through Fred and George's shop window! Why would he do that knowing he was guarded by Aurors at the time? It's a pretty big risk for him, unless he was planning on meeting someone important, someone the Aurors or his mother could not know about. So we followed him all the way to Borgin and Burk's. He was talking about fixing something big and he had Greyback in his company, as if the werewolf was a part of this whole plan he was talking about."

Severus was deep in thought and again Harry had the feeling that Severus was hiding something.

"We couldn't hear what they were saying very clearly and we couldn't see what the object was, but this all seems rather strange, doesn't it?"

"Very strange, indeed," Severus muttered then looked at Harry. "Listen, Harry, everything you've just told me, I want you to forget it."

Completely taken a back, Harry stared at him. "What? Severus! Malfoy is a Death Eater!"

"And don't you think I would've known that by now? I'm the Dark Lord's most trusted servant. If he did make Draco into a Death Eater, I would've been the first to know!"

Harry scowled and crossed his arms to his chest. "And what if he didn't?! You really don't know until you see his bloody arm for yourself! I could be right, I know what I saw! Draco is up to something, Voldemort gave him the dark mark!"

"Harry, I'm telling you now to drop it!" Severus snapped, his eyes glaring at him, warning Harry to drop the subject or else.

Harry bit his lip and looked away, clearly hurt at Severus' reaction. He had really thought Severus would believe him but he was wrong. He wished Sirius were here, he would have believed him.

"If it makes you feel better, Albus has ordered me to watch over Draco. If I see anything out of the ordinary, I will take care of it. I don't want you to get involved with this, Harry, if there is chance you are right. For now, I want you to focus other things, the start of school for instance…."

Harry sighed and picked at his bandaged up arm. Severus had casted a waterproof spell on his bandages to keep them from getting wet.

He just wanted to change the subject now. Severus didn't believe him, and it was depressing to think about the friendship he lost with Draco.

"I was scratching myself yesterday after I woke up in the hospital…," Harry muttered, not really sure why he chose those words. He guessed he just really wanted to stop hurting himself.

Severus looked at him calmly, eyes giving nothing away as usual. "You woke up afraid?"

"I thought I was back there…,"Harry said softly, flashing memories of pain and fear raced through his mind and the urge to cut was there, small …but there. His fingers twitched but he didn't give in to his desire to scratch at his skin until it bled and the pain inside temporarily faded away.

"You'll never go back there, child, your home is with me. During the school year if you ever feel like cutting, come straight to me. If you ever feel overwhelmed or stressed and need to be away from your dorm mates, know that you'll always have your room open to you in my quarters if you can't sleep in Gryffindor tower."

Harry nodded, "I will, Severus, I really want to stop cutting myself. I was so stupid to start that habit and not it's so hard to stop. I don't want to resort to hurting myself every time I have a freak out or I'm stressed or something… I don't want to live like that… I want to be happy."

"I know, Harry, it's something we have to continue working on. It is going to take time and it's not going to be easy, you know that already. We just need to be persistent. We will get through this and I'm being honest to you by saying I truly see a day where you will stop completely."

"You have so much faith in me that I will stop," Harry frowned, looking down at his old scars that faded to white thin lines thanks to the balms that Severus made Harry apply on his arm during the summer to help the angry pink ridges go away.

"I do have faith in you, even though it seems like it will never happen right now," Severus answered and then gently nudged him. Harry looked up to see Severus smiling down at him. "You're not giving yourself enough credit. I am so proud of you, Harry. You have come so far in a matter of months. When I took you in this summer, I honestly had no clue what I was going to do with you. You were so lost, in pain and with this bad habit of self-harming. You've improved so much. You're healing, kid, slowly, but you're getting there."

Harry shrugged, "I guess you're right. I can't believe I once felt like dying would solve everything... Now I see how much people I would be hurting and the life I'll leave behind, a life with you and Remus as my family," he said shyly, not believing how cheesy he sounded at the moment.

Severus sighed, "That is why when you disappeared, I was so afraid that I lost you, just when I got to know you and care for you enough to call you my own son. I didn't want to lose the chance of being a family with you, even if I had to tolerate the werewolf. I would've done it all for you, Harry. You deserve to be happy, surrounded by family and friends. I hope you understand how much you are loved. Not just by me or Lupin but by your friends, the Weasleys, the Order and even your professors. I just want you to value your life, I wish you could see much you mean to them."

"I do, Sev, I really see it now," Harry said feeling guilty again for being so reckless in Diagon Ally. "So are you going to ground me still?"

"I'm not going to ground you. I think getting kidnapped by Greyback was dramatizing enough for you. I hope my words aren't in vain when I say that I trust you won't do something so reckless again."

Harry bowed his head in guilt "I'm still very sorry, Severus. I didn't mean to scare you. Next time I see something suspicious I promise I'll come to you first."

"Words can sometimes be meaningless, it is your actions that I'm waiting for. I shall wait until that day arrives," Severus said, his black gaze now staring straight at the ocean.

"You talk as if I'll get into more trouble again," Harry smirked.

"Humor me, child, tell me one year where your life wasn't in danger."

Harry for the life of him couldn't answer. "I'm a magnet for trouble I guess," he grinned sheepishly.

Severus shook his head, lips turning upward a little at the corners.

"Dumbledore said he'll be giving me lessons during the year. He was very vague about them what do you suppose they could be?"

"Perhaps something to do with the Dark Lord. I believe he told you not to tell me what they are about once you start?"

Harry nodded "I'm sorry, Sev, I wish I could tell you but he made me promise."

"It's understandable. Don't worry about it."

They were both quiet for a while as they stared out into the ocean. The only sound that filled their silence was the crashing of the waves and the screaming seagulls.

Harry glanced again at Severus, wanting so much to ask him what was wrong yesterday. He seemed like he was in pain, and he was quiet, as if something terrible happened. At first Harry thought it was because of him going off to Knockturn Ally, but Severus told him he wasn't angry at him. It had to be something else that happened. And then that look Severus and Dumbledore shared, and how Dumbledore looked so relieved to see the Potions Master. Had Severus returned from a meeting with Voldemort after Harry had woken up yesterday? Was Dumbledore afraid Severus wasn't going to come back? Then Harry realized that while he was asleep in the hospital wing, Severus' life was in danger. He could've lost his dad and not know why. And yet, this shouldn't have surprised Harry or worry him because Severus' life was constantly in danger. He was a spy for Dumbledore and it was only a matter of time before Severus couldn't keep his cover any longer.

With that last thought in mind, Harry decided to just ask his dad if he was okay. He had to know at least that. "Sev, are you okay?"

Severus tore his eyes away from the ocean and looked at Harry with a quizzical expression. "Why do you ask?"

"You were acting… I don't know… different yesterday… you were quiet and guarded…."

Severus sighed, "I was hoping you wouldn't notice."

"You were called yesterday were you? He hurt you!"

Severus nodded, "It was nothing I couldn't handle. I'm okay now, I took a few potions that healed me."

Harry nodded, still worried, yet sensing that Severus did not want to talk about his meeting with Voldemort. He wanted to ask what went on in those meetings and why Severus was called. Maybe it had to with him escaping from Greyback. There was so much he wanted to ask but Harry could still see that Severus was reserved about the subject. Remembering the Dursleys' dislike to too many questions, Harry didn't dare ask. So he just said, "If there is anything serious going on or if you're in danger, you'll tell me right?"

Again there was a flash of pain in Severus' eyes and then it was gone. "Of course, Harry…, it's getting late… if you want to arrive at the Weasleys on time we should get going." The professor stood up and began to pick up the towels.

Severus changed the subject deliberately, Harry knew it and it worried him but he trusted Severus, he trusted that whatever was going on he'll let harry know, he'll solve the problem and that right now, maybe, Harry didn't have to worry about it. So he decided to drop the subject.

This was the very last day of the summer holiday. Tomorrow his peers and classmates will be returning to Hogwarts. Harry was surprised to find himself a little sad that the summer was ending. He never had a summer like this, a summer of camping, having friends over, playing Quidditch at the Burrow, celebrating his birthday and ending the summer by going to the beach.

Severus who was dropping Harry off at the Burrow right after the beach, did not fail to remind Harry like a jillion times that it was alright to change his mind that he didn't have to take the train to Hogwarts. He could just join his peers at the Great Hall, but Harry was dead set against changing his mind, for he only has two years left of Hogwarts now. Only two more chances of riding the Hogwarts Express at the beginning of school with his friends. So they were on their way to the Burrow where he would spend the night and travel with his friends to Hogwarts. Of course there would be extra guards, but Harry was willing to go along with it for once and he hoped Tonks was part of the guard, the witch was always good for a laugh.

Severus held out the Portkey ready for him to take, but before he could reach it, Severus gave Harry a hug, a big hug.

Harry wrapped his arms around his dad. "I'll only be gone for a night, Sev."

"That doesn't mean I won't miss you, my quarters are too quiet without you. Just take care, son, and please stay out of trouble. I expect to see you whole tomorrow during the start of term feast."

"I'll be careful, dad….."

"That's all I wanted to hear."

They both let go and feeling ready to end this perfect summer, Harry touched the Portkey and felt himself get pulled away from the salty air and the crashing of the waves.

* * *

The sun was setting as Remus limped passed the window of his office. He was still banged up from his fight with Greyback. He was healing smoothly at least and hoped that he would be recovered for his first morning classes. There was so much to look forward to this year. He was finally able to teach at Hogwarts again, a career that he wanted to do his whole life. Being a teacher was a passion of his, all he wanted to do was to help contribute to the wizarding society by passing down all his knowledge to the young witches and wizards. He should be happy that Dumbledore was able to give him another chance, despite all of his reserves that he might put the students in danger again. Honestly, if things were different, if Remus had not almost lost his life at Greyback's clutches this summer, he would had turned this position down. Being a werewolf was something he could not forget, Greyback made sure of that. It was foolish of him to try and live a normal human life because he knew he was not human, he was a werewolf. This summer had taken a lot out of Remus. His body was not as young as it used to be. The torture he went through took its toll and he knew he would not be able to survive for very long out on the streets, so he had no choice but to accept Dumbledore's job offer.

Remus stopped pacing, his leg began to ache so he sat down. Papers were piled neatly on his desk. He was ready for the new school year, however, Remus was still stuck in the past. His hand slowly found its way to his chest where underneath his robes, burned into his skin right over his heart was the werewolf brand. Remus hated it. He hated being branded a monster. He already knew he was one but to have it permanently labeled onto his skin made it so final. Greyback took Remus' humanity away. He took everything from him this summer, his dignity, his sanity and his happiness, now everything was different. His life was not the same anymore, he couldn't go back to the person he used to be before Sirius died and before Greyback tortured him.

Nightmares still invaded his conscious at night. He thought after the fight with Greyback, his nightmares would go away but they did not. Nightmares that were full of pain and fear and hunger and sickness, nightmares of Greyback's rotten breath and bloody fangs with evil red eyes. Nightmares of Kaylie, her skin as a pale as the moon and lips as blue as the lake outside his office window. He didn't deserve to live when she had died…it wasn't fair. He had promised her and he failed. And the worst nightmares that left Remus shouting out in fear at night, night mares that left him covered in sweat and afraid to go back to sleep was of Sirius… Sirius falling through the veil….

During those tortures weeks in that cellar, Remus always felt Sirius' presence with him. He knew Sirius was with him the whole time, watching over him, giving him strength to go on, but now as the summer days came to a close, Remus noticed that he hadn't felt Sirius around anymore.

At first, Remus thought maybe Sirius was upset at him for leaving Harry or because he and Severus had kissed. He knew that would make Sirius turn over in his grave. The memory of that kiss made his skin feel warm. Remus had to admit, he wouldn't be lying if he said he enjoyed it. The feelings he had for Severus was a mystery to Remus right now. He couldn't ignore the tension between them and the way his heart seemed to leap out of his chest whenever the potions professor walked by him, but Remus couldn't act on those feelings. He felt so guilty for even feeling them. He was supposed to stay loyal to Sirius. The night after Sirius had died, Remus had promised to wait for him until they were reunited in the afterlife. The memory of that night was just a couple of months ago, it seemed like years had passed.

Remus picked up Sirius' old guitar. Besides the small fortune Sirius left him, to get Remus by for another two decades, this was the only thing Sirius left him. He must had known how much this thing meant to Remus. This old guitar represented so many memories of him and Sirius, and even the Marauders. Everything they went through in the past, this old guitar was always there in the background. Sirius was always playing it for either a laugh or to cheer them up or to make Remus feel loved. Music was so important in Sirius' life. His childhood was not a happy one and before he found is passion in playing the guitar, Sirius was on a downward spiral. This old instrument that Remus was holding in his hands saved Sirius, music saved him, it let him express the pain or joy or whatever emotion he was going through as a teen.

_Who do you think you are, Sirius, to come into my life and make me feel so happy and then you just go…?_

Remus began to strum the chords, and closed his eyes hoping to feel Sirius' presence once more. It was all he wanted. He had to know that he wasn't alone and that he was on the right path. He wanted Sirius, needed to be held by him, needed his warmth and his breathy chuckle against his ear. Remus closed his eyes tighter, praying for a sign but there was nothing…always nothing. And it hurt Remus so much, for the first time since Sirius' death, he felt so truly and utterly alone. He knew Sirius had moved on, leaving him behind.

_You were supposed to wait for me…. _

Instead of crying, which he felt like doing, Remus began to strum the guitar in a slow pace, until he found a tune. To be honest, no matter how broken he was feeling at the moment, the knowledge of Sirius' spirit moving on had sort of freed Remus in a way...maybe this was a sign that Sirius wanted Remus to move on with his life, to find happiness. Perhaps he did not want Remus to wait for him.

Remus sighed in frustration wishing in vain for a bloody sign. "I don't feel you around anymore, Sirius…, what are you trying to tell me? Is this your way of telling me that you want me to move on?" he felt awkward speaking to nothing in the room and just as he expected, he was left with silence and nothingness…maybe it was time for him to just let go….

* * *

After dropping Harry off at the Burrow, Severus decided to take a walk through the castle, enjoying the empty and quiet corridors before it was filled with chattering brats tomorrow evening. Through the windows he could see that the sun was low in the sky. Severus stayed in the shadows, his mind on his son, wondering if he was having a good time with his friends before term starts. The boy deserved to have one last night of fun before worrying about his classes. Harry deserved to be carefree for the rest of his life in fact, especially after the rotten childhood he had, the adults he lost in his life and the prophecy weighing over his head. That thought led Severus to Lily. He wondered if she was watching over Harry right now and if she could see what Severus had done for her son. Severus hoped she knew that he completely changed his ways and his side of the war. He wondered if she knew the sacrifices he made for Albus and for the greater good, and how he was able to open up his heart to her son, to Harry, and gave him not only a home but a family.

Severus had so many chances to turn the boy away, but he somehow found the strength and the heart to help Harry through his depression, a depression so dark and deep, that Harry almost took his own life. Maybe at the beginning of the summer, Severus decided to help Harry because he remembered long ago when he was Harry's age, Severus had gone through the same thing, accept he had no one to turn to for help. At that time, Lily was no longer speaking to him, Albus mistrusted him, his father was as abusive as ever and his mother was dead. At the time, joining the Dark Lord's ranks seemed like the perfect way to fit in and become powerful… and now that Severus looked back, it seemed more like the perfect way to end his life.

Severus stopped walking to peer out into one of the large windows, lost in thought as he thought of Harry's progress. He was at the same spot he found Harry a few weeks ago in a puddle of his own blood. The boy was lost and now…Severus was so happy to say that Harry was going to be okay. As long as they worked through therapy and ending that habit, he knew Harry would mentally heal and that was all Severus hoped for Harry.

_I hope you're watching over us right now, Lily, I hope that you are watching over your son and that you know I've changed. I am not that lost teenager who was so obsessed with the dark arts… not anymore, that was never who I truly was but only a facade to deal with my troubled life. I am now the person that you've always seen in me, even when I didn't see it myself. I was so caught in the darkness and I was so stupid to choose that over you. You were what saved me in the end. It took your death for me to open my eyes. So this time I'm choosing you by choosing to help Harry and to do that, I'm choosing to follow Albus' plan. It is for the greater good and if I have to choose a world where Harry hates me for betraying him to aid in his success of defeating the Dark Lord and a life where he has a bright future, then so be it. I'm doing this for him. Please give me a sign that you are listening, because I know in the end that I might not have to the strength to follow through with it…. _

Severus stopped his prayer, his throat choked up, unable to go on...and that was when he heard it… that soft melody coming from the other side of a portrait door. A certain portrait door that he kept finding himself in front of lately. The music was coming from inside and he noticed the portrait door was slightly opened. Despite his entranced state of the music, Severus couldn't believe how idiotic the wolf was to leave his door open. Anyone could just walk in, for obviously the wolf was having a private moment.

The melody suddenly stopped. Thinking he really should go before he was seen, Severus heard Lupin's voice.

"I don't feel you around anymore, Sirius…, what are you trying to tell me? Is this your way of telling me that you want me to move on?"

Severus could hear the raw grief in his voice along with acceptance. Severus marveled at that, knowing the werewolf went through hell and back this summer after he lost Black. And still he was able to let go of Black. Severus couldn't help but look up to the werewolf who was able to do that after a couple of months of grief, whereas Severus was never able to let go of his grief for Lily. But that's the person Severus is… a person who holds on to grudges, holds on to pain. A person who does not let go, but maybe it was time to let go…maybe he should take Lupin's example and just let Lily go….

Severus was about to turn away when he heard Lupin play a new melody. It was soft, slow…. Severus could imagine feathery, light, yet confident fingers, playing the chords on Black's old guitar. Severus gently pushed opened the door another crack, still hiding inside the shadows so Lupin wouldn't see him. He could just make out the werewolf sitting behind his desk, his body was at an angle, blocking Lupin's view from Severus. And to his surprise, Lupin began to sing….

"_Say something, I'm giving up on you_

Severus had forgotten how beautiful and entrancing Lupin's voice was. He remembered the first time he heard him sing, followed by the first kiss they shared, causing his stomach to ache at the memory.

_I'll be the one, if you want me too_

Those words were so familiar. They pulled at Severus' heartstrings as his pain became one with Lupin's, for he knew they were both going through the same type of loss. He now understood why Lupin turned him away. He had to let go of Black before he could ever start something with Severus.

_Anywhere, I've would've followed you_

Grief spilled out at Lupin's words. They reminded Severus of Lily telling him the same thing during their fallout, after he called her that name all those years ago and suddenly he could feel her.

_Say something, I'm giving up on you_

Severus pushed the portrait door open, and he could practically see her standing over Lupin, her voice mingling with his. Was this the sign he asked for? Was she telling him to let go as well?

_And I'm feeling so small_

_It was over my head_

_I know nothing at all_

Their voices collided into a whirl of emotions that caught Severus off guard. He knew Lupin was singing to Black, knew that the wolf could see Black as much as Severus could see Lily.

_And I will stumble and fall_

_I'm still learning to love_

_Just starting to crawl_

Lupin was pouring out his grief and loss, the same emotions Severus felt since Lily's death. Not wanting Lupin to stop, Severus stayed in the shadows and just listened as he felt himself letting go of his best friend, the girl with the bright green fire in her eyes. The one who saved him.

_Say something, I'm giving up on you_

_I'm sorry that I couldn't get to you_

_Anywhere, I would've followed you_

_Say something, I'm giving up on you_

The voices rose, raw grief pouring out, and Severus noticed that he was holding his breath. Lupin had his eyes closed, strumming the guitar as if his life depended on it. As Lupin's voice rose higher, Severus suddenly knew what he wanted.

_And I will swallow my pride_

_You're the one that I love_

_And I'm saying goodbye_

He'll always love Lily, like Remus would always love Black, but Severus could not deny his feelings for the wolf any longer. He was so eternally grateful for Remus' bravery for fighting against Greyback to save Harry. Remus was someone he could always rely on to protect Harry and Severus was stupid to turn away from him, stupid to be angry at him.

_Say something, I'm giving up on you_

_And I'm sorry that I couldn't get to you_

_And anywhere, I would've followed you_

He knew there was something between them, something he didn't understand before, but now seeing Lupin so vulnerable, so much in pain and letting go of Black, Severus understood. He had feelings for Lupin, strong feelings that could turn into love if Remus would let him in.

_Oh oh oh oh say something, I'm giving up on you_

And he knew somehow that Black was okay with it and so was Lily….

Say something, I'm giving up on you

Without a doubt, as if Black and Lily whispered it to him themselves, Severus knew this was right. It was time to let go. It was time to move on and be happy, time for a new chance at love.

_Say something."_

Lupin drew the song to a close. His fingers strummed the last notes and he hung his head.

The room was filled with a gloomy silence. Severus had no idea what to do. If he should go in and say something or maybe he should just leave, after all he did intrude Lupin on a private moment. Before Severus had a chance to decide on his actions, a quiet voice broke the silence.

"When I was in that cellar, I thought that was the end of me. I was prepared to die if only the torture would stop…." Lupin didn't say anymore for a while, his face was still turned away from him but Severus could tell he was deep in thought or rather lost in his memories, so Severus stepped inside the office, curious of what else the werewolf was going to say. He didn't have to wait for very long as Severus closed the portrait door behind him and stayed standing in front of Lupin's desk. Lupin turned to face him but his head was still bowed, not able to look at him.

"They treated me like an animal. They chained me up with a metal collar around my neck. They used the Cruciatus Curse and silver chains to make me submissive. They hated that I fought back. They burned a Ministry label on me to let the world know I was nothing more than a werewolf….a dark creature. I think he did it so I wouldn't forget what I am." Remus chuckled bitterly. "Greyback wanted to break me so I could join his ranks. He had this obsession with me, seemed to think I was his son. He was so malicious...cold and lost in his own insanity. He made me…." Remus stopped and Severus could see his body trembling and his breathing became rapid.

Severus was sure Lupin did not remember that time when he had to pull him out of his wolf state of mind and was forced to see a few memories from Lupin's time with Greyback. Severus also had to see those memories once more. That time the memories were more vibrant, clear and full of pain when he entered Lupin's wolf mind as he held Greyback's neck between his jaws. Severus had a taste of what Lupin went through but he knew there was more. He knew that the few memories Severus was granted was only the beginning.

Severus didn't tell Lupin that there was no need to go on because he already had an idea of what happened to him this summer. He knew Lupin had to talk about what he went through. This was the first time he tried since he woke in the hospital wing. This surprised Severus immensely. It was a sign that Lupin wanted to get through this. He wanted to heal from the emotional damages Greyback inflicted on him. And Severus figured if he was able to help Harry, then Lupin shouldn't be of too much trouble.

"What did Greyback make you do?" Severus whispered to Lupin who was still struggling to finish the sentence.

Lupin lifted his head slowly, half of his face was hidden in shadow as the sun began to fully set. For the first time since Severus came into his office, Lupin looked at him. Green eyes full of pain, guilt and self -loathing bore into his own obsidian black eyes.

"I killed children…," he whispered. "I almost killed Greyback too... If you weren't there, Severus, I would had done it. Everything Greyback told me, of how much of an animal I am, how much of a monster I am, and how I have no right to be living among humans as if I belong in their world, I think…maybe...he was right..."

"No, he was wrong, you idiot!" Severus couldn't help but snap out. He wanted Lupin to come to terms with that happened, not wallow in his self-pity.

Lupin flinched and glared at Severus. "He branded me, Severus! The label Dark Creature is branded into my skin, over my heart! Who would want to be near me now? I am what that label says. I am a Werewolf, a Classified Dark Creature! I've killed others, so how could you say I'm wrong when I have blood on my hands?!" Lupin shouted in frustration, he eyes glowing a soft amber color.

Severus scowled at Lupin's foolish stubbornness. He stalked his way to the desk and grabbed Lupin's face between his hands. "Because I know you, Lupin!" he snapped. Lupin tried to fight out of his grip with a growl rumbling in his throat but Severus wasn't afraid, he trusted Lupin to keep himself in control. "You are not a monster, you are not a dark creature! You are just a person who had the misfortune to come across a werewolf, a werewolf who is ten times a monster than you could ever be! I've seen those memories, Lupin, you had no choice! They bloody drugged you, they took everything from you!"

"Let me go, Severus!" Lupin growled, his now amber eyes growing darker.

Severus shot him a deathly glare before letting go of the werewolf who rubbed at his cheeks.

"I just want you to see that you are not a beast. You are a human and one of the bravest, most self-righteous humans I've ever met…." Severus muttered, feeling a little ashamed of his actions.

Lupin just shook his head and ran his hands through his golden hair. Severus noticed the grey strands taking over, the lines on Lupin's face. This full moon had taken its toll on him.

"I don't know what to think anywhere," Lupin mumbled as if he didn't want Severus to hear him. "I lost myself and I don't know how I could be that person I was at school or before I lost Sirius…before Greyback…."

"You know…," Severus said quietly. "You remind me of Harry."

Remus looked up in shock, unable to believe what he just said, "how… I…." At a loss for words, he just shut his mouth, looking at Severus and waiting for him to explain himself.

"When Harry first came to me, he was feeling as lost as you are right now…and now look at him, Lupin, he's come a long way. I took him to the beach this morning, he was so happy today, far from the depressed boy he was when I first took him in. And the things he told me before I dropped him off at the Burrow, he told me himself that he does not want to cut. He told me he wanted to get better. And I believe he will. I honestly think he will be okay. Take an example from Harry who gone through fifteen years of hell. You know he saw himself as a freak just like how you see yourself as a beast. You are both wrong. And Harry is finally able to see that, and I know you will too... you just have to give your self time, you have to heal ,and I will help you, Lupin, if you ever feel like you need to talk to me, don't hesitate to do so."

Lupin looked at him and smiled, "why are you being so nice?"

"I haven't thanked you for helping me rescue Harry the other night. It was because of you I was able to get him out of there."

"Is Harry okay? He visited me yesterday but I was pretty drugged up from all of Madame Pomfrey's healing potions and when I woke this morning, I learned you taken him out for the day."

"He is okay, just a bit scratched up. So far he hasn't shown any werewolf behavior. Madame Pomfrey said so herself that there was a very small chance of that happening."

Lupin nodded. "It was my fault he was kidnapped, Greyback was trying to lure me to a trap."

"That wasn't your fault, that bloody werewolf is the only one to blame!"

Lupin only shrugged and didn't say anything else. Severus sighed and decided not to say anymore for now. Like Harry, it was going to be awhile before Lupin could come to terms with what happened and stop blaming himself.

"Would you like some tea?" Lupin asked. Severus nodded. Lupin stood up and placed the guitar back in its stand in the corner of the office.

"That song you were singing...," Severus said as he watched Lupin prepare the tea kettle. "It was for Black?"

Lupin did not answer until the tea was ready and they were both sitting down with hot steaming mugs, Lupin behind his desk and Severus on the chair that was meant for students.

"Like I've said, when I was in that cellar, I was losing myself and the only thing that kept me going was Sirius. I know this sounds crazy... but no matter how lost and in pain I was in, I could always feel him there with me. When I was in too much pain to move or when I could feel myself losing conscious I swore I could hear his voice whispering to me, I could feel his presence next to me. I knew I wasn't alone, I knew he was there with me and sometimes I wanted to die so I could join him." Lupin paused for while, blowing at his tea. Severus waited, sipping at his own scalding tea.

Lupin looked at him with a sad smile. "As you can see, I'm still here… I did not get my wish and now I have to live a life without him. I couldn't let go of him, Severus, even after you rescued me. I refused to let him go. I even thought of taking my own life, but I knew he would be angry if I did and I couldn't leave Harry."

Severus opened his mouth to what Lupin just admitted but the werewolf shook his head. "No don't worry, I won't think about that again. I can't selfishly take my own life when Harry is depending on you, me and Dumbledore to get him through this war."

"I'm glad you came to your senses then," Severus growled.

Lupin chuckled, "I'm glad I did I too… and back to what I was saying about how I couldn't let go of Sirius… that was the reason why I turned you away after we kissed. I really felt something there..." Lupin blushed but kept going. "Despite my growing infatuation for you, I could not give into those feelings when I was still holding on to Sirius. I couldn't do that to you, it wouldn't be fair."

Severus sighed as he put down his mug on the desk. "I'm sorry for pushing you into something you weren't ready for. I'm not very good at relationship stuff… I didn't expect myself to suddenly take an interest in you. It…." He didn't know what else to say….

"It just happened?" Lupin suggested.

Severus looked at him, and met those forest-green eyes. "Exactly," he said. "Do you still feel Black with you?"

Lupin shook his head "I have not. That song you heard me singing… I was letting him go. I know he wants me to move on, as much as it pains me... I feel like I have to respect his wish, as if I promised him I would…somehow…."

Severus wondered if he should share with Lupin how that song made him realize it was time to let go of Lily also. He finished up his tea as he thought against it, because it didn't matter if he shared it or not. Lily was his best friend. She was the one who saved him and without her, he wouldn't had been here. Now that he accepted she was gone, he had to stop thinking about her.

Lily was gone and there was nothing he could say or do to change that. And for the first time ever, Severus felt as if he were at peace. He felt free to be happy. The guilt of being the cause of her death had went away and now he was free to raise Harry, free to start something new with Lupin….

Then that happiness disappeared.

Was it wise to start something with Lupin after he promised Albus he'll be his murderer in the near future? Would it be selfish of him to let Lupin fall for him and then betray him? Was it right for Severus to hurt another person besides Harry? All these questions he could not answer. He had no idea what to do or how things between them would end up, so he decided to not worry about it for now. He was tired of this task weighing down on him, preventing him from being happy, but these were the sacrifices that he must take for the greater good, sacrifices all for this war to end….

"Severus?"

Severus looked up and realized he had missed what Lupin had asked him.

"Has Voldemort called you yet? I was wondering because of what you told me about being ordered to take Harry to him the next time he did."

Severus nodded, "yes, however, I didn't take Harry. I managed to lie my way out of his wrath."

"Did he torture you?" Lupin quietly asked.

Severus looked away, not wanting to answer, but Lupin took that as a yes... _annoying werewolf!_

Lupin got up from his desk and knelt down in front of Severus so that he was eye level with him.

"You did what you had to do."

Severus shook his head. "It was the worst physical pain I've ever felt... and yesterday when I returned, Harry could see that I was in pain... I couldn't tell him... I didn't want to worry him."

"And you were right to not tell him yesterday. He has a lot on his plate and Hogwarts is starting tomorrow, however, you can't hide your pain forever, Severus, you have to let him in sometime…. You have to let me in also. You don't always have to be the strong one. We could be strong for you too, if you would only let us."

Severus looked at him, "you have to let me in too…," he whispered. "No more pushing me away either, promise me, Remus."

Remus smiled at him. He was so close to Severus, he could feel his breath warm against his cheek. "I promise, Severus."

And before Severus realized, soft lips closed the gap between them. They kissed slowly, exploring each other's mouths. Severus ran his hand through Remus' hair as he leaned into the kiss and he swore he saw bloody fireworks. Whatever this was, Severus wasn't going to stop it. He knew Remus was going to get hurt in the end but he justified himself into thinking that like Harry..., maybe Remus would understand and if not, then he'll rather have Remus hate him than live in a world that was dark and full of bloodshed.

After a few seconds, they parted, looking at one other with red lips and both out of breath. Remus' hair was a mess from Severus' hand running through it and Severus couldn't help think of how cute Remus looked with messy hair.

"I think we should get to bed...," Remus said. "We have meetings tomorrow morning before the students arrive."

Feeling a bit disappointed at Remus' obvious dismissal, Severus nodded and stood up, only to be stopped by a gentle hand on his shoulder. Remus was standing so close to him, he reached up and kissed him on the cheek. "I'll save you a seat tomorrow," he whispered. "Goodnight, Severus."

Severus left the office in a daze. He was not sure how he made it back to his quarters so fast.

Before heading to his bedroom, he silently made his way to Harry's room and opened the door to an empty bedroom. The bed was made, all of Harry's school books and robes were gone, along with his firebolt and Hedwig's cage. Severus couldn't help but feel a little sad that Harry would now be residing at Gryffindor tower. He was going to miss the annoying teen lazing about on his sofa.

This summer was so unexpected. He hadn't expected to gain a son when he first took Harry in. He hadn't expected much of anything, only arguments and hate between them, but everything changed and Severus was not sure how that happened. Only that he was glad things changed between him and Harry, he was happy that he got the chance to get to know him as he took one last look at the empty room. He hoped Harry was okay for the millionth time that night and remembered the last words they spoke before Severus left him at the Burrow.

_Severus and Harry were standing inside the Weasleys' living room. Harry had his school trunk resized, along with Hedwig's cage and firebolt that were leaning against the trunk._

_"Thank you for today, Sev, it was really fun."_

_Severus waved away his thanks as he pulled out Harry's wand from his pocket and handed it to him._

_"I imagine your friends have your cloak?" Severus asked._

_Harry nodded as he examined the holly wand. "Do you think I'm ready?" he asked, surprised that he was granted full wand privileges once more._

_"I trust you," Severus said."Plus, you'll need it for school. I won't be with you every second of the day, so I want you to promise me that you'll come to me when you feel like you have to cut."_

_"I promise," Harry said._

"_Don't be afraid to floo me if you need anything," Severus said, feeling like a new parent leaving his newborn alone for the first time._

_Harry laughed at Severus' stress "Sev, I'm only going to be gone for one night and day, I'll be coming back home to you. It's not as if I haven't stayed here before."_

_Severus had only hugged his son, those words Harry had spoken…I'll be coming back home to you... a sentence he never thought he'll hear Harry say to him._

Severus sighed and left the room, closing the door behind him. Tomorrow Hogwarts was reopening, the start of the new school year was beginning and he forbade himself to think about the end…only deciding to enjoy the year with his son...before it all went to hell.

Once Severus was dressed into his night clothes, he climbed into bed. As soon as his head hit the pillow, thoughts of Remus invaded his mind. He had no idea how that happened, how Remus' lips were suddenly on his. That was the last thought he had before falling into a deep and peaceful slumber, his dreams containing a certain werewolf with forest-green eyes, soft lips and that husky voice that made Severus' legs go weak and his heart race. And in his dreaming mind, he knew that he was falling for Remus Lupin, dangerously falling, with only Remus to catch him.

**A/N: So this the end of Already Home ='(**

**I hope you guys all enjoyed my story and I look forward to all of your reviews. I'm anxiously waiting to hear what you think of this chapter, I worked on this for days and hours lol… **

**So don't be sad readers, I'm still reediting past chapters for you and I'll be writing a sequel for this soon, just keep checking my page for it! And special thanks for every review like and follow, for the people that stuck with me from the beginning. I appreciate your phrases and support! Thank you so much! –Chase'sGirl19**


End file.
